Chapter Sixteen

Strangers arrive with tragic news of Stronghold. Doc and Drew head to New Danville to help survivors and Cass is left behind to contend with her new knowledge about Billy.

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Some of this podcast has been recorded on equipment from the Billings Public Library Co+Lab. Thanks to Renee Barratt of The Cover Counts for the cover design. Music by Mikhail Smusev from Pixabay.

Transcript

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Welcome back to the serialized podcast production of Scarring Underneath, written and performed by T.S. Dickerson. Chapter 16. Cass had already tacked up Cowboy by lantern light and waited at the lake's edge, staring off toward Stronghold. Her body ached from standing here through the night, arguing with Cam and Derek. She'd wanted to ride to Stronghold right after the explosions, but they had insisted it was foolish to leave before first flight. She rubbed a hand across her tired eyes. Maybe they'd been right. But now the sky was turning blue in increments, and the morning chill was making her restless. The distant fires were dying away after burning all night, and Cass was increasingly worried there would be nothing left of stronghold by the time they arrived. When she heard footsteps approaching, she sighed in relief. Finally, she said, turning, I'm ready to but it wasn't Cam. It was Billy. He paused, waiting for her to finish her sentence. She turned back to look out over the lake, and he came to stand beside her. She had shut down her emotions, closed off thoughts of him as best she could, choosing instead to focus on the explosions and the potential danger and conflict they now faced. But his proximity was tangible, a battering ram against those young walls she'd built. Even standing there quietly he was pressing, begging his way back in. I thought you were Cam, she said, unable to bear heavy silence. She was too anxious to be near him without distracting herself somehow. I'm coming with you, he said. It was a simple, direct statement, and yet Cass was baffled. Like hell, she said. The bite in her tone somehow surprised her. She hadn't had adequate time to process her discovery of his identity, and hearing her own hurt and anger so clearly intoned in those two little words brought everything crashing back. You can't stop me. Billy's tone was mild. I already spoke to Cam. Cass let out a dry ha of a laugh. We'll see about that. Where the hell is my brother anyway? She turned and began to maneuver cowboy around Billy, who remained unmoving, arms across his chest. He's eating, Billy said. It'll be a while. Cass felt tension beginning in her chest and expanding out through her limbs. She felt a tremor of anger rolling inside. She couldn't think of anything to say, and knew she'd never manage to avoid screaming at him if she tried to speak. So she shoved her way past, her shoulder connecting with his arm and sending an unwanted but familiar thrill through her. Cowboy sidestepped out away from Billy, who stayed grounded like a statue. Cass tied Cowboy and wandered toward the soft murmur of voices and the clatter of plates. Not many people were up yet, but her brother sat in a circle with a few others, making a meal of last night's leftovers. A hitch came into her stride. She couldn't yell at Cam about Billy in front of the others, especially with Derek there. She didn't want to let everyone in on the conflict. Didn't want to let up on her implied protection of Billy. She came to a complete stop. Why should I care? He's a liar. He used me to keep himself alive, putting his acting skills to practical use. He let me wonder all this time, let me think I was crazy, and all along he knew why I recognized him and just kept quiet. Why should I keep protecting him? Derrick turned and spotted her, then pointed her out to the others and waved her over. Cass sighed. She knew it didn't matter she would keep protecting him, because the curious, searching look Derrick gave her as she approached caused a mild alarm to ring in the back of her head. She tasted the panic she'd felt last night when the explosions rocked the ground. She'd run back to camp, not for a better view, but to ensure everyone, especially Billy, was all right. The others were looking up at her expectantly, so she knelt on the ground beside them and cleared her throat.

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When do we leave? she asked.

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The path in front of Drew's feet was growing visible as he followed the small party to the horse paddock. Cass had gone on ahead, more restless than she was letting on, he knew. She had tied the required horses and was running a brush across Madison's side. She turned to watch him walking up, and there was such strain on her face Drew regretted not urging the others to hurry. Though he suspected at least some of that strain came from Billy's presence. He was tightening the cinch on smoke in another corner of the paddock, with a resolute expression that almost made Drew chuckle. Drew lifted a booted foot and moved to heft himself over the paddock fence, but he paused. He'd heard something in the distance. He twisted around to look out toward the lake and strained to hear better, cocking his head to the side. What is that? Cass asked. She had come to stand just on the other side of the fence. Hank and Cam had been chatting as they approached the corral, but they grew silent when she spoke, and soon Cam was walking back toward the lake, tension in his shoulders. The muffled noise was growing louder and separating out into a series of sounds, a rhythm of beats. Hoofbeats. He opened his mouth, but Cass beat him to it. Riders, she said. Drew felt a tightening in his chest as everyone moved at once. He leaped down from the fence and reached to his hip for his gun. Cam was shouting at the camp at large, calling everyone to arms. Cass flew over the railing like a deer and shouted something to Billy about rifles at the gate. She pulled out her pistol and jogged forward to join Drew, flanking Cam. She rolled her shoulder and turned on the hard and startlingly cold look he had come to expect from her in a fight. By the time the riders became visible in the dim light, much of the camp was spread out near the lake with rifles aimed. Cam and Derek stood out in front, Hank just a step behind. Drew, Cass, and Trace, who shivered in nothing but unbuttoned jeans, stood a pace behind them. It wasn't a large party. Drew counted four approaching, and two of them held flags. One flag bore the symbol of Stronghold, a match to the flag waving above the campground. The other bore a similar symbol with different colors. The lead man held up a hand to halt his group as they rode into shouting distance. He dropped his reins. I'm going to dismount, he called, to come talk to you. Are you from Stronghold? Cam called back. The man was dismounting and didn't answer right off. Instead he raised his hands and then pointed to his side. I'm going to remove my weapon, he called. He did so slowly and stepped to the nearest rider to hand up the gun. Then he turned and walked toward Cam and Derrick, arms held in the air. I'm unarmed, he called unnecessarily. Cam was the first to lower his weapon, followed by a reluctant Derrick. Seeing Cass had no intention of lowering hers, Drew held fast. Are you from Stronghold? Cam repeated. The man stopped and shook his head. No. We're from New Danville, a sort of well, sister city to Stronghold. The man glanced at Cass and Drew, and then over to Trace. Can we speak without the weapons, maybe? Drew looked to Cam, who turned and said simply, Cass. Cass lowered her gun, and Drew and Trace followed suit. Thank you, the man said, lowering his arms. He pulled off his gloves and stepped forward with his hand extended to Derrick, who shook it. In turn, the three group leaders introduced themselves, and it became known that the man was John. When the introductions concluded, John cleared his throat and spoke. I'm sure you saw last night's explosions from here. There's been an accident. We saw, Derek said. We were getting ready to ride out there, see what had happened. The man shook his head, his expression glum. There's not much left of stronghold, I'm afraid. He nodded when Gasps rose up from the assembled people and raised his voice to be heard over the buzz. John gestured behind himself at the mounted men. Most of our people are there now helping survivors. We knew you all had arrived and thought we should come and tell you the news. What kind of accident was it? Cam asked, arms across his chest. The man sighed and shook his head again. Stronghold had a problem with rovers coming in through a woodland area to the north of the city, stealing, murdering, raping. They were looking into setting up a minefield. Tapped one of New Danville's most talented mines to come up with formulas for the explosives and detonators. Not an easy thing to accomplish, I'm sure you understand. The man put his hands on his lower back now, with more sorrowful head shaking that seemed a bit affected. There must have been an accident. Sadly, our man is nowhere to be found. It wasn't an attack then, Cam asked, arms still crossed. No, sir, John replied. Doc approached Hank and spoke into his ear. Nodding, Hank said, Do you have a doctor to help the survivors? John frowned. Unfortunately, no. Doc stepped forward. I'm not exactly a doctor. I was an EMT and my wife was a surgeon. She taught me what she could. I'd love to come and help treat any survivors. John paused for a moment, cleared his throat, and said, Well, sounds like you're the closest thing. Didn't Stronghold have a doctor? Cass asked. Drew glanced her way. Billy had unsurprisingly appeared at her side. John turned to Cass, and a half grin appeared on his face for a moment before he wiped it away and answered. Yes, they did. Unfortunately, we heard he passed away a couple of weeks ago. Ah, Cass said. That's too bad. It is, John said, turning back to Doc. We'd be very appreciative of any help you could offer us. I'll get a horse ready and we'll head to Stronghold, Doc said, already turning back toward the paddocks. Sure, but we'll be taking you to an encampment of ours instead. We've moved the injured there, John said. You've been moving them? Doc asked, now stopped in his tracks. John shrugged. There are still fires burning in Stronghold. We needed to get them to safety. The new camp was a sort of meeting place halfway between Stronghold and New Danville. Doc nodded and jogged away. Cass stepped forward and addressed John again. Since doctors are so scarce, you'll understand if we don't send ours to an encampment we've never seen without sending a guard with him. John raised an eyebrow, and his smirk returned as he regarded Cass. Drew held back a smile. People were always surprised by her. She wasn't the kind of beautiful that stopped traffic, but once someone noticed her looks and the quietly forceful way she held herself, it was difficult to turn away. Of course, send a guard. Come yourself if you'd like, John said. I'll do that, Cass said. No, Cam interjected. We'll send someone else. Drew wasn't surprised. Cam valued Cass much more than Doc, even with the upcoming birth of his child taken into account, but he definitely wouldn't want to risk losing both of them. Drew almost felt a chill as Cass turned to her brother. Why not me? I want you here, he said. A message passed between the two of them, carried on the look they shared. Cass gritted her teeth and nodded. Drew could hardly believe she'd conceded. But he knew a perfect alternative. I'll go, he said, taking a step forward. Cass looked at him, and he could see the conflict in her expression. She always hated for him to be away, hated for him to take risks without her by his side. But at the same time she considered his eyes and his skills to be the next best thing to her own. You can trust me to keep him safe. Cam glanced at Cass, who nodded her approval, and then he turned to Trace. Seeing the man barely dressed, he looked to Derek. Anyone you'd like to send? That way Doc will have two guards and we'll have sent someone from each group? Derek shrugged. I don't see the need. Cam nodded, but Cass stiffened. I think we should send another guard. No sense taking chances when we're not sure we're in safe territory. What makes you think we're not safe? John spoke up, having watched all the goings on with interest. Cass shrugged. I'm sure we're not the only ones who saw that explosion, she said. Cam was nodding. If Stronghold had enemies sly enough to sneak through the wall, they're sure to be watching. It would be a perfect time for an attack, Drew said, realizing this sister city's encampment might be at risk. He was willing to protect Doc, but wasn't sure he wanted to be apart from his group in a war. John was shaking his head. I swear to you, any friends of New Danville will be safe here. We are more than ready to step up and take over for Stronghold and protecting these lands. It wouldn't be the first time. Why weren't you there then? Cam asked, crossing his arms again. Why two cities instead of one? John cleared his throat and hitched up his belt. There were some differences of opinion about rules and regulations. Differences between Strongholds Council and our old leaders. We have new leaders now. We'd been working to settle those differences. Sadly, we'll never know what the two cities could have been together. Is there any chance of rebuilding? Derrick asked. We've traveled a long way to have to turn around and travel back. We'd never make it before winter. John smiled. You're all welcome to join us. Perhaps when this tragedy is sorted, we can discuss it. Drew felt a rush of uncertainty in his gut, and he turned to watch Cam's reaction. A generous offer, Derek said. Very, Hank agreed. We'll discuss it, Cam said, and he turned away, looking over the crowd and making his way toward Trista. John and Derek met eyes for a moment before John turned back to his waiting party. We'll lead you there when you're ready, he called back over his shoulder. Cowboys ready? Drew asked. Billy will bring him, Cass said. Drew's eyebrow went up. Drew, she stepped close to him and lowered her voice. Be careful. Something wrong? Drew asked, matching her volume. Who knows? She said. Everything? Maybe nothing? This isn't what we signed up for. Find out what you can about these guys. Check their story. Just be careful. Always. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. I'm a good detective, you know. I know, Cass conceded. There was no end to the surprises with this girl today. But I wish I was going with you, Cass added. Uh-uh, Drew said, shaking his head. You need to stay. Keep everyone else safe. And talk to Billy. Cass shot him a sharp look. No, seriously. Cass, you're happier around him, and you two are a good team, see? Drew nodded at Billy, who was leading Cowboy toward them. Doc rode alongside, and the two of them were discussing something to do with smoke. Every few sentences, Billy would gesture toward the gray mare. You have a connection, and these days you can't afford to waste that. Got it? Cass was still frowning when she turned to him, but she nodded. I'll talk to him. It sounded more like she intended to rip Billy a new one than to have an intelligent and fair discussion, but Drew didn't have time to argue. There were bigger concerns today. He took cowboy's reins from Billy and mounted. As he settled his frostbite scarred foot in the stirrups, wiggling his toes in the extra boot space created by the two missing ones, he spotted Brick. The dog had made himself scarce during the earlier standoff, and now paced, staring up at Drew expectantly. He would have liked to bring the dog, but wouldn't want him in harm's way. Tie Brick up for me? he asked, looking down at Cass. She nodded and reached down to grip the leather collar she'd given him. It felt so comforting to have a companion like Brick. As he looked down at Cass, whose gaze had honed in on Billy once more, he thought it might be nice to have romantic companionship someday soon as well. After all, how could he give advice about taking chances when he didn't take any himself? Cam and the other leaders came by to see them off. Take care of my doctor, Trista said. She smiled up at him, clinging to Cam's hand. I need him. Drew assured her he would. Cam stepped away from Trista and added quietly, find out what you can about their city and their ways, see if John's story checks out. Drew nodded, not bothering to say that he and Cass had already discussed this. Be careful, Cam added.

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With another nod, Drew clucked to his mount.

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Billy watched Drew right away, and then watched Cass stare at the spot where they had disappeared. She knelt beside Brick. The dog had whined for a few seconds as Drew left without him, and now leaned quietly against Cass's legs. The gathering of people slowly dispersed, and Cass stood, patting her leg for Brick. Billy followed as she led the dog to the corrals and secured him to a signpost with a lead rope. She stood with her hands on her hips, staring into space, until Cam approached and stood before her with his hands jammed in his pockets and a frown creasing his forehead. He nodded at Billy and turned back to his sister. What do you think? he asked. We don't know anything, she said. We're probably in as much trouble right now as we ever have been and just don't know it yet. Cam nodded. Probably. Maybe not. Cass let out her breath and shook her head. Well, it is your job to be the optimistic sibling. Always has been. Cam nodded again and reached forward to put a hand on her shoulder. Yes, optimism is inspiring. But it isn't what's kept us alive. That was you. Billy watched as Cass stared at her brother with a kind of nervous wonder. He wanted desperately to move forward, to see her face a bit better as she took in what her brother was crediting her with. I have a lot to apologize for, Cass, Cam went on. And one day I'll say what needs said. But today I want you to talk to Drew and Doc the second they get back and then tell me your instinct. I have a feeling your gut is what's going to keep us safe again. Cam left, nodding at Billy as he passed. For a few moments Billy stood frozen, afraid to breathe too loudly or shift his weight and break the spell. He didn't want to remind her of his presence and all the doubts she must have. He saw her swipe the back of her hand across first one cheek, then the other. She sniffed and turned to him. First she looked to the left and right over his shoulders. When she met his gaze, it was as if he looked at a steel door. Her face was passive and her eyes hard. So, William Butler Weissen, you ready for an interview? Billy felt like his soul was coming apart inside his chest, hearing the bite of his given name spoken in her voice. He could hardly contain the grasping desperation to make things right, and the blind panic that promised he never would. You've had to learn how to fake a lot of things in your life, though this is the first time you were acting to actually save your life, so I suppose I should be honored that the performance was just for me. Cass struggled to contain her emotion, but she was failing. She wanted to scream at him, to rip him to shreds. She wanted to rip out her own hair and cry. Mostly she wanted to grab him and kiss him. She wanted to believe the sorrow and regret in his eyes were real and pretend she'd never figured it out at all. She hated herself for that thought, and gritted her teeth against it, feeling tears threaten behind her eyes. Cass, Billy said. She cut him off with a slash of her hand. Not here. A couple passed behind him, headed for the lake with breakfast plates. She spun on her heel, thankful for an excuse to put her body in motion. Follow. There. That had come out like an order, not the shaky plea of a person in love. Relocating was already helping. She pushed her way into the trees, slowing as her eyes adjusted. Though the sun was rising, it was still a dark blue in the woods. She felt his eyes on her back and listened to his obedient footsteps close behind. Her face contorted and she ground her teeth again. Her heart thrilled like it always did when he was near, and her body, so completely attuned to him, recognized that they were here alone, even despite her anger. She stopped and rolled her shoulder in two complete circuits before whirling, ready to confront him. He stood closer than she'd expected, looking ill and braced as if he expected to be beaten. There was such longing in his face, akin to the way he'd always looked at her, but so intense here in the half-light, it made her question everything she knew in the world. Suddenly she wanted to run. He must have known what she was thinking. Please stay, he said weakly. Cass swallowed and tried to remember all the accusations she'd planned, all the questions she'd had for him. She settled on one with relatively little importance. What was the song called? Divine His voice had turned robotic, and his expression settled as if he intended to answer questions all day. She approached him purposefully and considered slapping his face, too pretty in the filtered dawn light. To his credit he didn't move. She took in a deep breath. And how did you really survive the end? The friend I told you about was a fight choreographer. We were on location working on a scene when it happened and he did keep me safe for a while. What did you do to get locked up? He turned his face up to the trees, frowning as if trying to find the words I existed When the man who saved me I called him Nash. When he got tired of taking care of me he sold me. He stopped when Cass's eyebrows lifted and took a breath before charging on. This group of people thought they could use me. They thought I had connections or people looking for me, people who wanted me back. They assumed that because I had money I had resources. But nothing I had was worth a damn you know that. And eventually they realized I was no use so they traded me to the woman who put me in the basement. Cass turned and continued to push her way through the trees until she burst out into a field on the other side. She stopped and put her hands on her hips. So you really didn't do anything? she asked when Billy emerged from the trees after her. He shook his head. Why didn't you tell Derek all that? He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. Nobody recognized me anymore, so I didn't have to tell and I realized I didn't want to the things that happened in that basement he shook his head. She was sick obsessed and I didn't want to be the object of her obsession anymore. I didn't want to be someone who got other people killed. A frown crossed Cass's face. The thought had occurred to her that there was some greater reason he'd changed his identity. But why from her? Why wouldn't he trust her after all this time she'd spent protecting him getting close with him? She shoved her doubts aside and let anger take her tongue again. Why did you hide it from me? I mean I get why you didn't want to tell me at first but then she threw her hands out to her sides. I thought you trusted me You kissed me you we spent every waking moment together we slept together and now I find out that was all because of a poster? His jaw dropped a poster? Yeah despite her efforts to appear calm she practically shrieked her reply That's how I remembered I had a poster Cass's tone changed from anger to disbelief as she continued a fucking poster That's why I could sleep next to you? Because your face was on a poster in my room No, Billy shouted back, horrified That's not why you know that's not why it's more than that Cass was surprised he'd raised his voice, and she noticed how pieces of his accent were slipping into his words as he got worked up. The night before when she'd figured out who he was, she'd thought back and remembered he was British. She'd noticed the twinges of the accent before and always thought it was just a fluke of speaking too quickly. Your fucking accent, Cass exclaimed What? Are you just gonna pick it back up now that I know? It doesn't work that way, Billy answered. His anger quieted for a moment, but there was still tension in his voice. I've been hiding it for so long before I met you. I don't know if I'll ever get it back. It slips back when I'm upset. You're upset, Cass said indignantly. Of course I'm upset, he said. I meant to tell you clearly I wasn't that big a fan, she went on, ignoring him. I forgot about you, after all. She began to pace back and forth and saw his eyes tracking her. But you knew she turned and bore down on him, putting her face close to his You knew I recognized you. I gave you plenty of chances to tell me she covered her face with her hands and hung her head. Her voice came out muffled as she continued That song I sang your song and I butchered it but I know you knew it was yours. She felt his hands gentle on her wrists, pulling her hands away from her face I'm so sorry. Yes, yes I knew and you didn't butcher it. If I could go back and write it again I'd change it. I'd write it the way you sang it that night in the field. Cass's heart soared and then plummeted to the bottom of her feet. She stepped back, jerking her arms away. Nice line Spittle flew from her lips. You should have been a screenwriter instead of an actor not that you're not a good one. I actually believed you had feelings for me. His face contorted and became fiercer than she'd ever seen it. I do, he said I do have feelings for you. That's why I couldn't tell you Cass raised an eyebrow and opened her mouth to tell him what an idiot he was, but he went on I wasn't worth a bloody thing after the world ended. I couldn't take care of myself the way you guys can that's why I didn't tell you who I was Cass shook her head. That doesn't make sense you know that doesn't make sense, right? It does. Billy was firm. It was one thing for you to help the college student from California who worked part-time in retail. It was another thing for you to help some guy who'd once been famous and wealthy. I mean other people thought I was getting what I deserved paybacks for the blessings I'd had before Cass shook her head. No, no that's not how it works. It doesn't matter who you were before you could have told me Cass, you were so amazing to me do you understand that? You were amazing you were so tough and so resourceful, so independent and kind, I couldn't stand that you might think less of me. Jesus, Billy, think less of you? Cass felt the tears she'd been holding back slip from her eyes. I tried to kill myself time and nature seemed to freeze after she spoke the words. Her lungs stiffened and she had to gasp in a breath to jumpstart them. It even seemed the breeze paused. Things happened to me that seem well, they were awful but when you compare awful to the apocalypse it's just they're just things. It wasn't just my dad it was my brother Calvin she pulled up her left sleeve and pushed the knife sheath aside fully exposing her scar. He gave me this and worse when I didn't give him what he wanted Cam had to save me and we had to run away and I couldn't get past it even after I was safe. I tried to kill myself. Cass paused to catch her breath and force back the tears but you what you went through she stepped forward and looked up into his face. You were locked up in someone's basement for three years and I can't even imagine what happened. And you never thought about giving up did you? His eyes glazed as he stared at the ground near her foot. And when you got out you took another beating and you still had the will to try. You appealed to a sense of justice in those around you and you still find beauty in a herd of elk or a plant, in starting new relationships. Without realizing it Cass had stepped even closer to him. Her hands were held in front of her and they were nearly against his chest. He eyed them and she stopped moving, though she kept talking Who you were before it wouldn't have mattered. It wouldn't have changed the person I was getting to know. Cass trailed off, unsure if what she was saying was true. Would it have affected her decisions about him? If that's true, Billy said, taking a halting breath why does it matter now? He took a slow step forward, pressing his chest against her palms. His gaze was steady on her, but Cass could feel from the lack of movement under her hands that he was holding his breath I trusted you she said you still can. You know that you know me I'm Billy Cass. Just Billy your Billy Hello listeners thank you so much for tuning in to chapter 16 of the Scarring Underneath come back each week for a new chapter and if you can't wait the ebook and paperback editions are available at the major online retailers and the paperback is available at this house of books in Billings Montana. Visit TSdickerson.com for direct links