Being Different Together

#18 - Intentionality, Part 3: If You Think You Can Change the World, You Have a Better Chance

• Nyssa Hanger • Episode 18

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0:00 | 38:47

In this third episode of our Intentionality series, Nyssa and Kelly return to Murry Landsman’s handwritten bathroom poster to explore one deceptively simple slogan: “If you think you can do something about the world, you have a better chance.” 

They unpack how this idea sits between toxic positivity and nihilism, framing it as “agency under constraint”—taking real responsibility for your participation in the world without pretending you can control everything. Along the way, they weave together stories of 90s eco‑kids trying to “save the planet,” Nyssa’s work helping clients heal through bodywork, Kelly’s reflections on Buddhism, karma, and projection, and why conflict is often the very thing that helps us evolve. 

If you’ve ever wondered how to make a difference without burning out, stay hopeful without spiritual bypassing, and see “the whole world as medicine,” this conversation is for you.

Main Topics Covered:

  • How one simple slogan—“If you think you can do something about the world, you have a better chance”—can change how you see your role in life.
  • The difference between toxic positivity, fantasy “manifestation,” and grounded, realistic hope.
  • What Kelly means by “agency under constraint” and how it helps you avoid both grandiosity and nihilism.
  • How 80s/90s “save the planet” messaging shaped Nyssa’s belief that her actions actually matter.
  • Why believing your work might help someone (in therapy, bodywork, or relationships) gives you a better chance that it will.
  • A playful dive into projective identification and how we unconsciously train people (and pets!) to act the way we expect.
  • The Buddhist idea that “the whole world is medicine” and what it means for everyday conflicts and challenges.
  • A wild pirate parable that reframes karma, intention, and “doing the least harm” in impossible situations.
  • How trying to change anything—yourself, a relationship, or the world—inevitably brings conflict, and why that’s often what helps us evolve.
  • Seeing intentionality as a uniquely human superpower in an age obsessed with AI, efficiency, and quick fixes.

Links:


Books:

Stay in Touch:

Nyssa Hanger: www.nyssahanger.com | IG: @nyssahanger

Kelly Brady: www.kellybrady.me | IG: @drkellybrady

SPEAKER_05

Welcome to Being Different Together, the podcast for people who want to make the world a better place, but no, they can't do it alone.

SPEAKER_01

I'm Dr. Kelly Brady, acupuncturist, psychotherapist, and certified dialogue therapist.

SPEAKER_05

And I'm Nissa Hanger, massage therapist, aromatherapist, coach, and real dialogue specialist. Together we'll explore how conversations can improve relationships, make work more joyfully. All right, for ourselves and our communities. And listen, we don't shy away from the hard conversations.

SPEAKER_01

It's about being different.

SPEAKER_05

Here we are. Nissa and Kelly. Kelly and Nissa.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, we hadn't done that one in a while. I know. It just came back to me. It just came back.

SPEAKER_05

You know, I have uh people that listen to our podcast that then text me the songs that you sing in response to things that are said.

SPEAKER_01

Well, today's episode is we're continuing in our series about intentionality, right? Yeah. One of my intentions about life is to show up with as much space spaciousness and joy in the moment. And not to oppress myself, like not like, oh, I always have to be fucking happy. Because that's just annoying. Oh, totally. And also oppressive, right? I want to give myself room to be congruent. But I also like that space. I just like to be what's the word? I'm I like to be playful. It's fun.

SPEAKER_05

Jovial's the word that came to my mind.

SPEAKER_01

Like Santa. I'm like a 57-year-old lesbian Santa.

SPEAKER_05

So here we are, your 57-year-old lesbian Santa and your 40-something year old's um elf friend here to bring you another episode of being different.

SPEAKER_01

Enjoying the series on intentionality, um, you know, really like how we're gonna show up. And so we're continuing on with our slogans around intentionality. Intentionality being, why don't you say what's your in how as we've been doing this, is your idea about what intentionality is? Is it um expanding, unfolding, collapsing in on itself? Like what are your reflections just about the broader topic before we get into the slogans for today?

SPEAKER_05

Well, even before I answer that, just in case you're tuning in to this episode as your first episode or randomly picked episode, please. This is episode three in a series of we're not sure how long it's gonna be. Um and so please be sure to go back and listen to part one and part two, especially part one, where you'll get the story of where all these sayings um have come from.

SPEAKER_01

So my intentionality according to this at this stage.

SPEAKER_05

Uh yeah, I I I don't know. To be honest with you, I don't know. I never really it wasn't until we started this series that I that I really I mean, I definitely think about intentions and having I guess intentionality. I don't think about it in in terms of that um particular noun, I guess. Um though I have always associated that with all of these sayings. Um but you know, I didn't take the class. I've only been I've only learned this by proxy. So I think it it it was a it's a newer realization for me that this was all a part of a um body of work um and that it's framed around this idea of intentionality. So how has my understanding of intentionality changed as we've started to do this? Well, I mean, I think that it's become an in into more my awareness, like having an intentionality around how I live or how I show up. Um I've just really really been enjoying taking each one of like I have sit sat and thought about each one of these.

SPEAKER_01

Um from the throne, because they do live in the bathroom. It's a perfect location. Yes, but um it's a perfect location.

SPEAKER_05

No, totally. It's like a moment to pause and go, oh, let me read a couple of these. Oh, how does that hitting me to today? And um it's been really fun to get to talk it out with someone else that's familiar with these sayings. Yeah, I've mostly been doing it in my head and then going, hey mom, what does this mean? As I have mentioned many times.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

So yeah, I would say that my ideas are still forming around all of that. But I think they each contain a a nice little nugget of wisdom that can be teased out.

SPEAKER_01

Wisdom nugget, wisdom nugget. Alright, here's the three we're gonna go through today. First one is if you think you can do something about the world, you have a better chance. Or said like this. If you think you can do something about the world, you have a better chance. That's probably a better way of saying that.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, that's how I hear it in my head. Yeah. Yeah. If you think you can do something about the world, you have a better chance. You have a better chance.

SPEAKER_01

Right, so that's one. Second one today is be nice to yourself. Aw. Oh. Oh, well, I have a lot to say about that one. And then number three your reality is as good as anybody else's.

SPEAKER_05

Now I will say that after doing um the dialogue therapy training and learning real dialogue, that one does hit me different.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. So let's start with this one. If you think you can do something about the world, you have a better chance. So I think that I want to start first of all by criticizing it. Okay. Which is to say I think you know, sayings like this could almost turn into some kind of like, I don't know, generic optimism. You know, or fall into that category of manifestation. I'm using air quotes so people can't see it, but air quote manifestation talk. So um so I think the correction there is that you know, this this is a great slogan because it's about in my opinion, it's about agency under constraint. Um it's uh it's not fantasy control. So it's like my experience is that most people, myself included, like kind of oscillate between this grandiosity of, you know, I can change everything. Or it can kind of collapse into nothing I do matters. Right? Nihilism. Yeah. Um and I think it's it's it'd be kind of wise to sit in the middle, like that you're responsible for your participation, but not the whole system.

SPEAKER_05

What do you mean by agency under constraint?

SPEAKER_01

All right, here's a concrete example. Um in a conflict, I can't control the other person's reaction. But what I can control is whether I dehumanize the other person, interrupt the other person, distort what they've said. Like if I just were to bring it into the guardrails of real dialogue, for example, because that's on my mind a lot. It's low-hanging fruit. We can use lots of different examples, but I mean, you know, I'm kind of eating, breathing, and sleeping real dialogue right now in a lot of ways because my life is really busy at the center. So I think um Yeah, like I mean, what do you think about that? That kind of tension around where I where I'm uh what I actually have control over.

SPEAKER_05

And that relates to the the saying how does that exactly relate to the saying?

SPEAKER_01

That if you think you can do something about the world, you have a better chance. Well, that maybe I'm the world.

SPEAKER_05

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Like if I were to just, you know, just collapse it down and use an example. Uh and from a Zen standpoint, uh I really don't have a self anyway, so I am the world. But there's a beautiful uh koan that just says the whole world is medicine. I think like think about that. Yeah. But that means you're the whole world and all of you is medicine, everything that's happening all the time. You can you you can do something about it. You know, you you and if you think you can do something about it, you have an extra actually have a better chance of doing it. So like it's kind of like I have to know that I can choose in a conflict not to dehumanize the other person. I can choose in a conflict not to take responsibility for the other person's reaction. I can choose in a conflict to listen to the person and not interrupt them. Those are all things that I can actually do about the world.

SPEAKER_05

And so it and so then if you're thinking that you can do those things, yeah, like if I think that I can not dehumanize another person, that I have that power within myself, I will have a better chance of doing that. Now, that doesn't mean that I may that I may not end up falling into um old patterns and reactivity, but I at least have a better chance.

SPEAKER_01

Right. Like, let me ask you a question. Like, what do you when people say something like when they say I can't do anything about that? Oh wow.

SPEAKER_00

We had our first uh phone call come through. They must have called me twice because I have my phone on the do not disturb me.

SPEAKER_01

So in other words, when somebody says they can't do anything about you know, blah blah blah. They can't do anything about a situation. Like, are they being realistic or are they avoiding responsibility?

SPEAKER_05

I guess it depends on the situation, right?

SPEAKER_01

Well, I mean, sometimes does I can't mean I don't want to deal with what it would cost.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, or does I does I can't mean I won't.

SPEAKER_01

Uh yeah, or or right, I won't, or like uh yeah, I don't want to deal with it. Right? Totally. Yeah, like I don't want to deal with it. I mean, what would it look like to take responsibility without pretending that I could control the outcome? I mean, it's a that's the line that I'm talking about. Like taking responsibility. I think that that's what this slogan is pointing to. It's like taking responsibility without having to control the outcome. But also knowing that it um you know, I mean, that the slogan is if if you think you can do something about the world, you have a better chance. That if I recognize that that is a possibility for me, then I can actually do something about it. Right. You know, like you were exposed to that this kind of thinking when you were five.

SPEAKER_05

I mean, I do want to reflect a little bit of a lot of people. Yeah, what did you think about it when you were five? It's it's it's the it's the late 80s, early 90s. Okay. Um I don't know these stories, by the way. They're just so fun. I don't know if um if everybody remembers back then, but like children's television from my memory was flooded with um conservation, climate change, reduce, reuse, recycle. Like I am that generation that was like, we have to save this planet. I remember I would all my parents would all sorry, mom and dad, my parents would always leave on the light in the bathroom. And I was watching these pretends, huh? Actually, that maybe that's it. I was watching these PSAs that like a light on.

SPEAKER_01

This podcast is such good therapy for us because I'm on the kitchen like I can't do it right now.

SPEAKER_04

I don't need to turn on a light when I need it, and if I don't need it hanging around in the dark, well then turn on the lights. I just don't need them, so I don't have them on.

SPEAKER_05

Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Does this dog have my keys now? We are like full of interruptions right now.

SPEAKER_01

Well, and on top, I mean, we we really are full of interruptions. And on top of it, we're fully in the middle of construction.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, also, there's a dude with a wheelbarrow of dirt that's continuously bringing up over here.

SPEAKER_03

I gotta make sure he ain't chewing my purse. Okay. Sorry for that interruption. I'm gonna leave this part out.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, you're leaving out. Yes. The dog was eating my purse. We have still not figured out what to do with the dog. He just really looks so sad right now.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I took my purse.

SPEAKER_05

He had my little sample for my esthetician for my face cream, which he probably licked, so I will probably throw it away. I hope it is not toxic. And um he looks fine to me.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, he is a little dejected. He is a little dejected. He's a little dejected, but he he's okay.

SPEAKER_05

Okay, so going back to four, five, six-year-old Nessa being inundated with we must conserve the planet. Meet please make sure that you recycle, please make sure that you cut the holes in the plastic thing that holds your six-pack together. You remember that whole thing? Um and so I definitely felt like, hey, it's up to me to help conserve the freaking planet, right? Yeah. And so that's where my mind goes when I it's like, if you think you can change the world, is that how it goes? If you think you can change the world.

SPEAKER_01

No, that's not it exactly.

SPEAKER_05

If you think you can do something about the world, if you think you can do something about the world, you have a better chance. And so it was like, oh, okay, I have to at least think that I can do something to be able to change things. Um, and you know, I'll tell you what that does for me. That keeps my eyes open for the things that I can change, which honestly I think has probably really helped me in my life.

SPEAKER_01

I I agree. And I think that's what was so inspirational to me about some of the people I met when I was, you know, kind of doing my training and how that informed where I am now, which was that you know, believing you can do something isn't about like having power over the world. It's it's about refusing to abandon your role in it. It's like don't don't abandon your role in this world. Like humans are not disposable. Like what humans do really matters in this world. And I think that you know, particularly now with the rise of AI and et cetera, there's you know, there's this kind of emphasis on machine learning as opposed to human learning and this this idea that you know some somehow humans are just sort of disposable. And um, you know, we're not. We we're we're really the only are the only animals with intentionality. And it is our very intentionality that to me points to how integral we really are. How I don't know if integral is the right word. How what I I can't find it right now, but it's like how vitally important we are. Yeah, I think integral is a good word. Yeah, you know, to to the to the world. Sure. Like that the that the world needs us. And I I I think that there there was something that really kind of pierced into the the narcissism that I had when I was younger, which was I was always thinking about like what what am I gonna get out of the world? You know, what is the world doing for me? What am I gonna get out of the world? And hanging around with Murray and you know, that those people in the human potential movement who who are still out there and can continue to influence me, by the way. I think I'm one of those influencers now. I think I'm the next gen of the human potential movement, probably as a Gen Xer. Yeah, you know, with my own sort of cynicism and you know, I was just gonna be able to do it. Well, you know, yeah, Gen X brave tone, its own uh you know flavor. I mean, I I was, you know, ra Reagan was in office when I was a kid, and you know, we were wearing uh pole. I mean, I was a preppy, if you can imagine. No. Like that was the style. Yeah. To be c you know, to be preppy, to be a yuppie, to I mean, Miami Vice. Yeah. So um yeah, it was a it was kind of it was like a very different time. But anyway, I think that this saying like just like pierces that that it's not like what the world can do for me, but like what is the world asking of me? And so this is one of those sayings that like when I peel it back and peel it back, it gets to this this that really kind of comes to points me in the direction of individuation. Like, what is my what am I doing? You know, what am I doing here? What is the world asking of me? And if I actually think that that I can change something in the world, I I have a better chance of doing that.

SPEAKER_05

You know, I'm you know I'm as I'm listening to you and I'm thinking about it, I'm realizing, oh, this has actually really helped me in my career. Yeah. Because I could see you know, I could see very early on in my career, I studied, and I don't think we got into much of this in my history, I'm not sure, but um, I studied this type of structural body work that was for pain reh rehabilitation. And so that meant that I had these skills, you know, and like the people that taught me, like, of course they say it works, but I also had to believe that the work works. And I whenever I see someone, especially if it's someone that's experiencing something that I maybe haven't treated before.

SPEAKER_02

Uh-huh. Sure.

SPEAKER_05

Um, if I think that the work that I do could possibly help them, yeah, then I have a better chance of doing it. You know, and so it's like I realize that that is an operating principle almost every time I go into the treatment room. I have a client right now that I've now seen that I see regularly for maintenance, but had a flare-up with a SI joint issue and has come in the past three weeks. And I felt pretty good that you know, I've been able to help her be help this person before, but I think this was a little bit more severe than the the flare-ups that we've had in the past. And I'm like, all right, I'm just gonna rely on these bodywork protocols that I have and what I know of your body, and she's gotten a lot better. So I don't know. I mean, that was just yesterday. Just continuing to work on the faith that I at least think that I can help. I think that I can, you know, make this person's life better. So yeah, that's really kind of interesting.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, for sure. I mean, it's like a slogan like this could kind of fall, I think, into um I you know, cliche. You know what it reminds me of? Believe in yourself, you know, like that kind of thing. But you know, the reason that things are trite is because they're true. Well, and it's also true. It is good to believe in yourself. It does help. You know, these are like hacks. Well, and it's sort of like a um they're hacks.

SPEAKER_05

It's you know, you could like say it to someone and they could just look at you, give you a stare like, pfft, no shit, Sherlock, you know. Of course, if you think you can blah blah blah. It's like when my mom says, well, it'll feel better when it stops hurting. She loves to say that. Now it is true. Um but I think, yeah, going deeper into that truth. I think that that that is true about things that are trite. The things that are trite are are they're usually true. They're usually true. There's some truth in it.

SPEAKER_01

And guess what? You probably need to hear it. There's some truth in it. The thing I really like about this slogan before we get into the next one is that it says at the end you you have a better chance. Uh-huh. Which is not like it's just a guarantee. Right. And that's I think where it gets where it's direct about it not being this kind of like, I'm just gonna sit around and affirm that I'm abundant, and then the next time I look in the bank, they're gonna be a million two million dollars or sitting in there. Right. Yeah, like that it doesn't go like that. That's not how it works, right? That's not how the universe works. But you have a better chance.

SPEAKER_05

But if you think, hey, I'm financially taking care of, blah, blah, blah, you do have a better chance.

SPEAKER_01

I have a better chance, right? You have a better chance.

SPEAKER_05

But it's not a guarantee.

SPEAKER_01

Well, you have a better chance because the world okay, we're gonna dive into the deep end of the pool. We may only get to one slogan. Let's go. Right. Is because you will then, because you're expecting that. Yes, you will create that. Yes. And that's the way the world works. That's the way the world works. That's the way the world works, right? Like, you know, when we talk about projective identification in relationships, right? That we are we are always, always, it's not sometimes, unless we're awake. Unless we're awake and conscious in the moment. We interact with people the way we expect them to be. What we expect them to be is based on our own projection. It is not based on who they are. It's based on our own projection. What we expect is based on us. It's not based on them. Even if they did something that contributes to that expectation, sure. That doesn't matter. Like sometimes in like I've been in a couple sessions and sometimes one partner will say, But Kelly. He really is like that. And then what do you say? Well, yes and no. Yes and no. Like he that's the behavior. But what you're projecting onto that behavior is what you're reacting to.

SPEAKER_05

You mean like the judgments on it? Sure.

SPEAKER_01

Or like, oh, he's so narcissistic. And and then that's the projection, right? I mean, you know, that's and and because that's the projection, then that expectation, it's really interesting where projection lives in the psyche. I mean, it kind of lives in a space that's sort of psychic. Like we can see it play out between Poppy and Jack, between the cat and the dog. Uh-huh. Like the cat hypnotif hypnotizes the dog into barking at him. Right. And and that sets up this whole little dance between the two of them. Right? So that piece, it it does it does exist in this layer. In Buddhism, we call that layer this layer of consciousness, this register of consciousness, the Sambogakaya. Um and it is the layer where psychic phenomena exist, where dreams exist. It is the purely consciousness layer of human of what we do. So mental illness is there, dreams are there, ideation is there, heaven and hell are there, ghosts are there. The Sambogakai is this like register of of consciousness is a way of saying it. And that is where this thing, just to bring it back to earth here a little bit, if I say all of that to you, how does that in your mind relate back to the slogan?

SPEAKER_05

Oh, I need a recap. Just paraphrase what you've got. I'm gonna be totally honest with you. I'm distracted by the cat.

SPEAKER_04

Knocking at the door.

SPEAKER_05

I'm like, I'm going off on like, oh, should we have put the cats in the room?

SPEAKER_01

I might have been bloviating a moment. I might have just been going off. I was like, Buddhism, you know, all right. That's cool. This is pretty esoteric and intense.

SPEAKER_05

So here's the thing, people, if you're not totally listening, it's okay. Just just cover them to it.

SPEAKER_01

Never totally listening.

SPEAKER_05

But I wasn't about I wasn't about to like fake paraphrase you. I wasn't I'm not gonna fake paraphrase you. Okay, we're never totally can you can we try again?

SPEAKER_01

I can't go through that whole thing again. Let me see if I can sum it up.

SPEAKER_05

So we went through we went through okay, I can go through the the um projective identification. So we went from from the saying to the projective identification to Samboga Gaya. Yeah. Which is about where things live in the psyche.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I might have just been way out on my plank of bullshit there. I might have been walking the plank.

SPEAKER_04

That's okay. I want I want to follow the breadcrumbs.

SPEAKER_01

Well, the thing is this, it's like the more the fur Shall we rewind? The further out you go, the deeper it gets. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Right? The further out you go, the deep the deeper it gets.

SPEAKER_05

You know what? Uh this isn't what you were saying, but I just had this realization about the relationship between this saying and the seed. The seed? Yeah, you remember you remember the whole karma farming episode? Yeah. Um about uh episode uh number, I forget what it is, but it's about something about without toxic positivity. Dang it.

SPEAKER_01

I'll figure out how to get what you want out of life.

SPEAKER_05

There we go. How to get what you want.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. Okay. So are there there are these seeds in the psyche, and the seed may come into fruition or it may not. Right? But if I at least think if I think that I can do something about the world, I have a better chance. By thinking that I could do something about the world, is that a way of watering that karmic seed?

SPEAKER_00

Yes. Because it's intention.

SPEAKER_05

Because it's and oh, and so that's part of that intentionality. Because it's intentionality. I see, I see, I see. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01

That's exactly right. So in other words, like if you if you think about karma, like there's a story like that has to do with intentionality and karma. That the Buddha was um in a previous life some kind of monk. And he's on a pirate ship. And a pirate he's not on a pirate ship, but he's on a he's on a ship filled with passengers, and a pirate boards the ship. And the pirate and is going to kill everyone and rape all the women and throw the kids overboard, eat them, you know. I mean like terrible pirate things. Yes. And in this lifetime, the Buddha is not the Buddha, but he's another monk in that lifetime as a monk. And the Buddha assesses the situation and kills the pirate.

SPEAKER_05

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

The monk kills the pirate. Yeah. The monk's intentional.

SPEAKER_05

Seems like a very non-monk thing to do.

SPEAKER_01

Right. But the monk's intention in killing the pilot was compassion, not the pilot. The pirate. Let's not confuse this.

SPEAKER_04

Where'd the plane come from?

SPEAKER_01

Holy shit, Kelly's really out there today. I live a lot of my life in the Sam Bogaka Kaya, by the way, which is uh an issue for me. But anyway, yeah, like so the Buddha decides that the Buddha kills the the pirate. Yeah. The first precept in Buddhism is to not kill. Not kill. Or not violence, right? Not not kill.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Specifically not kill. Like killing a human is like the worst thing you can do in Buddhism.

SPEAKER_05

But if that human is gonna be killing a bunch of other humans, that's it. That's it. It's okay.

SPEAKER_01

That's it. Well, I don't know that it was okay, but it was the better choice for the monk to make. The monk recognized that the intention of the action and the results of what happened would end up being more favorable later. Yes. To everyone. Sure. The pirate included. So in the story, in the in the tale about this, the Buddha is also thinking about the pirate's next slide.

SPEAKER_05

I see, I see, I see. So saving him from accumulating more bad karma. Yeah. Got it.

SPEAKER_01

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. So maybe um changing the world is um killing a pirate. Is that the world of the story?

SPEAKER_01

If you think you can kill the pirate, please remember that this podcast is for entertainment only. We we need like a we need a disclaimer on this podcast that this podcast can be.

SPEAKER_05

If you think you can kill the pirate, you have a better chance.

SPEAKER_01

This podcast is also true. Is yeah. This podcast is for entertainment value only. But also what it makes me think about is, you know, um, a lot of the time in my life when I've been doing things, I've been more sort of ready, fire, aim. Uh-huh. And I think I'm not alone in that. I think I'm not the only person who does ready, fire, aim. I don't think so. I don't think you're the only person at this table that does that. Sometimes we're like fire. Right. Aim. Ready. Oh shit. You know, I mean, but it's like that whole process of like setting up what I'm I'm, you know, like if in other words, if I think I can change the world, I have a better chance. Yeah. It's like that's a beginning of getting ready to aim. Right, right, right, right, right. Myself in the direction of fire, which is like taking action, right? Not killing the pirate. Right. Which of when I just said kill the pirate, do you know what I thought about? Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit. Yes.

SPEAKER_04

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

Dude. My mind. Yes. God help me. God help me. So wow. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Well, should we do one more or wrap it up? I say let's wrap it up. We're gonna wrap it up. We're gonna make this a little bit more of a shorty because we really uh waxed philosophically. Well, you got any more to say about? Do we want to go back to the Samboga Kaya? No. We need to do an episode about that. And we need to do an episode about projective identification.

SPEAKER_01

Uh we do. I do. And we we keep saying that. And we do need I do I would like to do that. But I think it is is really important, and we'll we'll go into the next two sayings in the next episode, right? So the next saying is be nice to yourself.

SPEAKER_05

Which also sounds pretty, pretty trite and it is not trite.

SPEAKER_01

And then the third one is your reality is as good as anybody else's. Oh boy. Not to collapse into moral relativism. Big words. But you know, the three of them actually form like a sequence, right? Which is that's the structure of intentionality that we take responsibility. And then that whole phrase about being nice to yourself is being accurate with yourself, is my opinion about that. Like I I think it's like be be accurate with yourself. Um, and then stay open with others. In other words, my reality is just as good as anybody else's. So stay open with others. So that's the this kind of part of the structure around intentionality, I think. It's like take responsibility for myself, stay accurate with myself, really accurate with myself. The risk in the be nice with yourself thing is that you just avoid. It just becomes a way to avoid. Well, that's not taking care of myself. It is. I mean, sometimes staying accurate with yourself and doing the hard thing is actually the nicest thing you can do hard yourself. Yeah. I mean, that's why I think we need more time to t to break that one down. But I mean, uh ultimately it's like, you know, um, stay accurate with yourself and staying open to others. But this slogan I think really rests in the in the place of personal responsibility. So intentionality, it's not about controlling the world. It it really is about uh taking responsibility for my participation in it and telling myself the truth. And um and also staying open enough to to let reality change me and teach me to learn from um from my reality and from the reality of others. Oh, you know what? You know, like when your reality is different, I want to be open to learning from that. So that whole thing of you know, my reality is just as good as anybody else's, that's like the whole that's the title of the podcast, being different together. Right? So we'll we'll explore those more next time.

SPEAKER_05

I just want to add in this um this alternate idea with the the saying that we've been talking about if you think you can change something about yourself, you have a better chance. I just started listening to this audiobook called um I think it's called Me But Better. And it's a woman who um looked a lot into, I think she ended up like she looked at the Myers Briggs personality and then those those different um those five traits like openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, the big five, agreeableness, and neuroticism, right? I think I got them. And anyways, she went on this journey to see is this a set thing for me or can I change these things? And it's really kind of interesting of like the parts of your personality that you can change. Yeah. Like we think that it's set in stone. So I just wanted to throw that idea out there because it's something that's been going around in my own head of like, oh, if I think I can change something about myself, I'll have a better chance.

SPEAKER_01

Something Murray's it's not on the it's not on the notch. No, this I just got from him in conversation. He used to say, I'm not changing. I evolve. And then he would wave your hands or hang his fingers in front of his face, you know, when he has his glasses, evolve. But I mean basically I think that's it. It's like we we kind of are born the way we're born, we you know, some of our personality characteristics are probably genetically linked or karmically timed or nurtured in there or whatever, you know. But some of them like we're just born with like you don't have a I didn't have a choice. I have like all these freckles. Sure. And I didn't I didn't ask for that. Yeah, you know, I don't think. Um so I I mean I might not remember asking for it many lifetimes ago. I I don't know. But you know what I mean? Like that most of uh most of how we operate, we're we're we're born with some predispositions temperamentally and um also in terms of our personality. So we so that stuff, you know, like it's gonna be what it is. That's gonna be our baseline. But we can evolve. Yeah. Yeah, we can evolve. And and and I just want to say this last little thing. One of the ways to get there is by thinking you can change things, and then when you go to do that, you will encounter conflict. And it is that very conflict that will help you to evolve. But thinking that you can change the world that helps you have a better chance of doing it. Right. But when you go to do it, you will encounter conflict.

SPEAKER_05

Does that make sense to me?

SPEAKER_01

And that conflict will help you evolve. That conflict will help you learn more about the nature of reality and more of what is true. Like when you know, I don't think of evolution as like a performance enhancement. It's not like I'm gonna run a four-minute mile. It's not that. It's for me, evolution is about for humans, it's about coming into a deeper and deeper recognition of what the fuck we're actually doing here. The truth. I'm interested in the truth. You can't handle the truth! You know that boy. But I really I'm interested in the truth. And I'm still looking for it.

SPEAKER_04

What I'm looking for. You did it? All right, my friends. Um honestly, you know, some some early 90s YouTube. It's pretty good. The Joshua Trini, it's pretty, pretty good.

SPEAKER_01

Um can I tell you that I've listened to the Sunday concert for the Sunday bloody sundae concert.

SPEAKER_04

Um first time they came to America. Sunday bloody sundae.

SPEAKER_05

Oh my goodness. Yep. Oh my goodness. So yeah, y'all go listen to some YouTube. Um, think about think about how you can change change the world.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, don't give up on the world. The whole world is medicine.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, the whole world is medicine. So go out there, experience your medicine wherever it is. It's all around you. And um we're gonna continue on with this intentionality series. Yes, we are. So we've got many, many other things to go over. So you'll um get that the next couple of weeks here. Of course, if you enjoyed this, please subscribe. It really, really it's a very 100% free way of helping us. Um, gives us a little signal boost. If you enjoy an episode, please post about it on social. Tag us. There you go. Don't just think about it. Actually, do that. Actually do that. And um, if you're enjoying, please leave us a review and we'll read you on the air and send you all the love in our hearts. Yep. So until next time, Sayanora, Sayanora.