Being Different Together

#28 - Intentionality, Part 13: Keep Your Eyes on the Prize

• Nyssa Hanger • Episode 28

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0:00 | 52:54

What if the secret to reaching your goals is not grinding harder, but holding them more gently?

Kelly and Nyssa explore the final two intentionality slogans from Uncle Murray—“Keep your eyes on the prize” and “Easy does it”—and how together they create a powerful roadmap for pursuing meaningful goals without burning out.

Through stories of massage clients, canceled flights, blackout Airbnbs, nourishing meals, grandmothers in Depression‑era kitchens, and Buddhist teachings like “the obstacle is the path,” they show how attention, dedication, and ease can completely change your relationship to work, pain, and purpose. 

If you’re craving a more sustainable, compassionate way to stay focused on what matters—whether that’s healing, creative projects, or showing up better for the people you love—this conversation on intentionality, mindset, and choosing a pleasant path is for you.

Main Topics Covered:

  • How “Keep your eyes on the prize” can completely change what you think your real goal is
  • The surprising power of “Easy does it” when you’re ambitious, exhausted, or stuck in hustle mode
  • Why three bricklayers—and three different answers—might reshape how you see your work and purpose
  • A simple journaling ritual Nyssa uses to turn boring focus blocks into meaningful, motivated time
  • What chronic pain, canceled flights, and traffic jams can teach us about intentionality and resilience
  • How helping someone else (on purpose) can instantly shift you out of self‑absorbed suffering
  • The hidden influence of grandmothers’ cooking, Depression‑era kitchens, and one unforgettable meal
  • Why your “prize” is often other people—and how knowing that changes the way you show up
  • The essential balance between caring deeply and not taking yourself (or your goals) too seriously
  • A complete read‑through of all Uncle Murray’s intentionality slogans, woven into one poetic finale


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Stay in Touch:

Nyssa Hanger: www.nyssahanger.com | IG: @nyssahanger

Kelly Brady: www.kellybrady.me | IG: @drkellybrady

SPEAKER_04

Welcome to Being Different Together, the podcast for people who want to make the world a better place, but no, they can't do it alone.

SPEAKER_02

I'm Dr. Kelly Brady, acupuncturist, psychotherapist, and certified dialogue therapist.

SPEAKER_04

And I'm Nissa Hanger, massage therapist, aromatherapist, coach, and real dialogue specialist.

SPEAKER_02

Together we'll explore how conversations can improve relationships, make work more joyful, and spark healing for ourselves and our communities.

SPEAKER_04

And listen, we don't shy away from the hard conversations. In fact, we welcome them. This isn't about being right.

SPEAKER_02

It's about being different. Together. Well, normally you start with the episode number.

SPEAKER_04

Yes. And I also just said the wrong number. This is part thirteen.

SPEAKER_02

Listen.

SPEAKER_04

Listen, Linda. We did not practice. Linda this row.

SPEAKER_02

Linda. Listen, Linda. Yeah, be easy on yourself about it.

SPEAKER_04

No.

SPEAKER_02

Be easy on yourself.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, so what episode is it? I think it's episode 28. Rad. And it is the 13th in our mini-series on intentionality, and we are sadly, my friends, coming to a close. Is it sad? I think Oh, for me. Are you feeling sad? Well, yeah. I could do intentionality sayings for the rest of my life. Oh.

SPEAKER_02

Well, maybe we should keep coming up with them.

SPEAKER_04

I got a couple in my back pocket that are my own. Oh, that's awesome. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. You're feeling sad? I've really enjoyed this series. Yes.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Yeah. I have really enjoyed this series. Yeah. That's interesting. So we have a difference right now. Would you like to know what I'm feeling?

SPEAKER_04

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I'm feeling a bit triumphant.

SPEAKER_04

You're feeling a bit triumphant.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, because we really stuck to it. I mean, we started, we've worked it all the way through.

SPEAKER_04

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02

Um, I've learned a lot about it, and um I'm very I yeah. It's I don't know if triumphant is a feeling, but I mean joy. I feel joy.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. Nice. Mm-hmm.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

I feel joy because I just enjoy doing the podcast with you. So we'll find other things to talk about.

SPEAKER_02

So damn cute.

SPEAKER_01

You're so damn cute.

SPEAKER_02

You're so damn cute. So let's see the last thing. So we have our last two. It's interesting. The last two sayings because they they're again, it's it's like we spent weeks talking about these pretty provocative things like life's a joke, either you get it or you don't. You can't be different by acting the same thing. Like, what are the what are your favorites? You know, and then we we get to the final two sayings and they're there's they're common. Yeah. They're common in the vernacular, I think. And um and they're short and and pithy.

SPEAKER_04

Yes. They're short and pithy.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. Um also it's but they tie it up in a bow. I mean, when I first read it, I was just like, okay, wait a minute. It sort of seemed a little anticlimactic to me, right? I was like, what? And then I've as I've been just, you know, letting it cook, cook, cook. Thinking about it. Yeah. Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Um, and it and just because I say this every time, if you are just now tuning in, if this is your first episode of Being Different Together, welcome. And this is a part of a uh 13-week series on intentionality. You can go back. I highly recommend that you go back and listen to all of them, but at least listen to the first episode, episode 16, where you will get an introduction to where all of this came from, our dear Uncle Murray. No relation.

SPEAKER_02

Well, and just as a recap, he was a professor of mine in my master's program in counseling. And then Nissa's mom ended up taking the same class, and all of these slogans were written on a poster that hung in Nissa's bathroom when she was a kid, and they're slogans that I learned when I was almost really a kid myself. I mean, I don't think my frontal lobes were formed. I was 21. Yeah. So we're not going to be able to do I mean they say really you're done cooking, cooking. I'm into the cook cook. Um and I I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_04

Kelly really cooked last night. I just gotta say, she really brought home the bacon. There was no bacon, but it was a delicious.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, you're talking about dinner?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, yeah. Tell them what you made. Well, I roasted some organic drumsticks um first, and I seasoned them with Dijon mustard and some liquid aminos and garlic powder and onion powder and um You let them cook. Oh, some lemon juice. Uh and then I I roasted them in the oven 400 degrees. I made some sweet potatoes, I peeled some organic sweet potatoes, and I chopped them, and I tossed them in extra virgin olive oil and salt and cinnamon, and I roasted those. I also took a head of purple cabbage and I quartered it and I seared it. I I have I seasoned it aggressively with the kosher salted black pepper and some avocado oil. And then I seared one side of the quarter very strongly in the cast iron, and then I flipped it and threw that in the oven so that it it was charred on one side and then it got nice and melty in the middle. And then I made a white bean ragu with carrot and onion and fennel and garlic and rosemary and white beans and bone broth and um we might need a side podcast, Kelly's cooking show. It was it was a really, really nice dinner. I mean, really, really nutrient dense and delicious, which is really on that is like I don't know, man. I feel like when I bring a meal like that, I can just hear it.

SPEAKER_01

You know, killing it.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, but back to the most satisfying to me.

SPEAKER_04

It was so good. I can't wait to eat the leftovers.

SPEAKER_02

Look, and it's good because to bring it back to the two slogans for today.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, you said you've been letting these cook.

SPEAKER_02

I've been letting them cook. Um the two slogans for today, the first one is keep your eyes on the prize.

SPEAKER_04

Keep your eyes on the prize. Shall we talk about that?

SPEAKER_02

Keep your eyes on the prize, and then the second one is the and they really do go together.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, I like to reveal the second one later.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, you want me to wait?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. Okay. Then they'll keep listening. You have to wait. They'll then they'll keep listening. You have to wait. Let's keep our eyes on the prize and make a uh thrilling podcast. Okay. Keep them on the edge of their screen. I'm with you. Okay. So yeah, what do you think about Keep Your Eyes on the Prize? Yeah, I I do agree with you on like the the sort of the when you read all of them and then these last two, they are a bit I'd be honest with you, I'm having a hard time talking about it without talking about the other one. Okay. Go ahead, Charlie.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, so because I think they these two really, in my opinion, they do thank you. Thank you for being flexible. These two really do go together, I think, because this the la the final saying in all of the intentionality sayings is Drumoplease. It could be a refrigerator magnet. That is not the saying. The saying is easy does it. Easy does it. So, yeah, I mean, I have some reflections about the way that the whole intentionality slow. It's like they all come together in kind of a like a cookbook. But not. I mean, a cookbook is more like a series of recipes. More like a toolkit. A toolkit is probably a better way of thinking about it. A paint, a paint box, a palette of paint. I don't know. It's it's like they all go together in a certain way, and these final two tell you how to implement them. So they're like, what is the prize? Keep your eyes on the prize. Let's talk about that. Like, what is the pri I mean, what is the prize?

SPEAKER_04

Keep your eyes on the prize.

SPEAKER_02

You gotta decide. It it's about attention, right? I I mean, I don't think it's primarily just about ambition. Keep your eyes on the prize. What do you what do you think? No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_04

I th I do think I think that it's about attention. Um it reminds me of the phrase the main thing. It's well, it's a sentence. The main thing is to keep the main thing on the main thing. Right? Say it again. The main thing is to keep the main thing. The main thing.

SPEAKER_02

Do you know the song The Rain in Spain is mainly on the plane or something like that?

SPEAKER_04

I have heard people say the rain in Spain is mainly on the plane.

SPEAKER_02

Is it a song though? I feel like it's from Oklahoma. I'm making that up.

SPEAKER_04

Wow. No, no idea. No idea.

SPEAKER_02

I just heard this song in my head about the the main thing is the main thing is the main thing. Is that what you said? Say it again. The main thing.

SPEAKER_04

Keep your eyes on the prize, Kelly.

SPEAKER_02

I am. I just am having a hard time, and I'm having a hard time with it.

SPEAKER_04

The main No, I know. When I first heard it, and and I just want to share, like, I learned that phrase when I was at my cousin's wedding in North Carolina, and when I went to the reception, we were sat next to another place card that had the last name, Hanger. It said Howard Hanger. Now, this was not a hanger family event. This was my mom's side of the family. And I'm like, who's this other hanger here? And it turns out Howard Hanger was the officiant for the wedding, and he is runs the alternative church in I think it's called Jubilee in Asheville. Yeah. And I'm like, Do you are you related to the hanger from hanger prosthetics? You know, we're like trying to trace our and um I do think that we probably are distantly related just based on the geography of where his family's from and where my family's from. And so it was an immediate connection. And the next day, even though I was quite a bit hungover. Even though I was quite a bit hungover. We partied that night at my cousin's wedding. Um, I went to his um church service because I was like, I want to see it. And he gave me a copy of his book. The church service was great. We sang Grateful Dad. I mean, it's like the kind of church I would totally go to. And his book is called The Main Thing. I have it right here. Oh my god, I have it right here. Celebrating celebrating creation and spirituality at Jubilee. But it's called The Main Thing. There he is. My distant relative, Howard Henry. I don't know if I have actually showed you this book.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, we gotta take a picture of that and put it in the shuttle.

SPEAKER_04

A foreword book. Tom Robbins. Tom Robbins wrote this. Yeah, yeah. This guy's really kind of got it going on. But, anyways, it's called the main thing from this phrase, I do believe. It's called the main thing from this phrase. Um The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. And I remember he said that to me, and I was like, wait, what? And it's from, I looked this up when I knew I wanted to talk about this. I it's from Stephen Covey of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Yeah. And basically it means, like, to put it another way, keep your eyes on the prize, like, don't forget this is how I would interpret it. Don't forget the reason you started this. So, like, this guy created basically an alternative megachurch. And I would imagine that in that type of a situation, like, it's easy to get off course. Like, the thing is to create a space for spirituality and connection and community. Yeah. But when you're running X, Y, and Z in this program and you gotta get somebody to do this sound and there's politics and whatever, it would be easy to it would be easy for me to sort of um lose course, like lose focus on what what is really the main thing we're doing here. So the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. Does that does that provide a little bit more comp context to that?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Um, I understood the concept immediately. What I got a little lost with was how many mains and do you make it right at the corner of main and something else. I don't know what to do.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, the main and thing, I got a little like so keep your eyes on the prizes a bit more, I think, direct. Um but I think either way, it's when I was reading about Steve the way that Stephen Covey explains it, it's a lot of what I do, tried to do in my own life and what I help my coaching clients do is like let's get really clear on what what is the specific intention here. And then it it they talk a lot about this in Essentialism, the this book that we've brought up a couple times and we've been talking about a lot lately. Um, like for example, going into creating this podcast, I've said this before, my goal for this year was to publish 50 episodes. Yeah. And I have just really worked on that, like that. Like that's been the main thing. That has been the main thing. It's like, let's just publish an episode once a week. The main thing is to keep putting this out there. You know, yes, I would like for it to get, you know, a larger audience, or yes, I would like to maybe produce it a little bit better, but it's like that's not the main thing right now. The main thing for me is like we just keep putting it out there, we keep getting really good at it.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it's like developing that muscle memory for doing it. Right. I mean, just for doing the pot. And we do we have a we we have a routine now about how we do it. I mean, it's so much easier. So almost every Thursday morning we wake up, we have the water, we have the coffee. Sometimes we I have a little kefir, maybe we have a little toast, you know, whatever it is. Maybe you have your shake, the dog gets out, everybody gets fed, we bring out the podcast equipment, we put it on the table, we pour the coffee, we talk about what we're gonna talk about, we we do all the things. Yeah. I mean it's our little it's uh it's uh really it's our pre-check. We have we've developed a pre-check. Yeah. And and it really works for me. Having a pre-check is is useful. I think that um I love what you shared about keep the main thing the main thing. It m it really makes sense to me. And um, you know, it it's it's um I guess the first thing that came up, a couple things, well, you know, I mean, I could talk about these sayings for a really long time because it's like the further the more you talk about them, the more layers it seems like there are. But the initial thing that I remembered was, you know, I mean, this is an old story, and you've probably heard it about a man who comes upon three masons and he looks at the first one and says, What are you doing? And the man looks at him, he spits on the ground, and he says, I'm laying bricks. What the hell do you think I'm doing? And then he looks at the second man and he says, What are you doing? And the man stands up and he takes a heavy sigh, he wipes the sweat off his brow and he says, I'm earning a living. And then he looks at the third Mason and he says, What are you doing? And the Mason turns around and looks at him and smiles, and he says, I'm building a cathedral. You ever heard that story? No. Well, now you have. And I I I'm gonna tell you, I don't know when I first heard it, but I think it was around this time of my life because that's a story that I have kept in my back pocket. And I'm sure if you are one of my past clients, you're rolling your eyes because I've probably told you that story a million times. You know, it's like the the greatest hits are the greatest hits for a reason. True. They they really are. And so and some of these, some of these really simple refrigerator magnet kind of sayings are so good because they're they're just true.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And and they and they really deserve attention. Yeah. And um so then I I I was thinking about that today. That's that story.

SPEAKER_04

Wow, I can like apply that. I can I can do my own version of those phrases when I'm doing massage.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, tell me about that.

SPEAKER_04

Well, it's like, well, you know, the first time you ask me, I say, I'm doing massage. What do you think I'm doing? Uh-huh. And the second time you ask me, I'm go, I'm making some money. All right. And the third time you ask me, I might say something, I'm helping this person to heal. You know, I'm helping this person feel better.

SPEAKER_02

Sure. And I I mean, I love that. And then almost all And they feel different. They feel different.

SPEAKER_04

They feel different in my body.

SPEAKER_02

They do, right? And and what if a client comes in and holds the first position? Why are you here? Well, I'm here to get out of pain.

SPEAKER_03

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02

And then what would I I know what the third one would be. The third one would be, I'm I'm here to to to live my best life. Yeah. I'm here to I'm here in the pursuit of really taking care of, you know, I'm here to live my best life. Yeah. I don't know what number two would be.

SPEAKER_04

Well, I think the first one would be something around like, I'm here to get my massage. Like a like like a box checking thing. And then the second one would be, um I'm here to get out of pain.

SPEAKER_02

Maybe the first one would be I'm here to get out of pain. And the second one would be I'm here to get a massage. I don't know, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_04

Interesting.

SPEAKER_02

I'm not sure about that. Listeners, you tell us. Well, uh it's but it's similar, right? It's a similar kind of idea. Like I I mean, it's it's something that I think um you know, people come in for acupuncture and they're focused on whatever the symptom is, but then they leave and they feel globally better. Right. Even though the symptom might still be there a little bit. Sure. You know.

SPEAKER_04

So uh it's like what are what is it that they're getting? Mm-hmm. It makes me also think about um sometimes when I'm working with coaching clients and maybe we're talking about a certain like goal or thing that they want to do, you know, the the the prize. Like and sometimes the prize isn't the actually the main thing or what they've identified as the main thing. Is that really the main thing? And so to be able to get beyond that, like you know, oh, I want to get out of pain. Let's just use that. Like, I want to get out of pain. Okay, why? I play this game that I call annoying child. And I say, okay, why? Why do you want to get out of pain? Right. And at first they're like, What do you mean why? you know? Yeah. And then it's like, oh, well, I want to be able to hike.

SPEAKER_02

Sure. I want to be able to sit through my my grandson's soccer game without being in pain on this on the patch.

SPEAKER_04

I want to be able to dance with my daughter at her wedding.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

SPEAKER_04

You know? And so and but then it's like, well, why? Right. Well, because spending time with my family is one of the most important things to me. It's like, you know, then you get to when you get to something that makes you kind of want to cry a little bit, that's when you know you've gone deep enough. Yeah. And then that becomes the main thing. So then, you know, what happens if we take that main thing, like I want to be able to dance with my daughter at her wedding? Um what if what happens when that is at the forefront of your mind when you're doing the PT and eating the anti-inflammatory diet and coming to massage and working it into your budget, you know? Like versus I'm in pain and I just want to get out of pain. And not that that I mean, that is also a motivating thing, but when it's when there's an emotional element, it's so real too.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, if anytime I have pain, my first question is when's it gonna end? Yeah, no, totally. You know, and I think one of the most debilitating things about having some kind of chronic issue, and I know because I have a few, is that they don't go away.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So, you know, it becomes a constant companion. And the question is, how do I live my life with a constant companion that's kind of uncomfortable? Like a little uninvited. Yeah, and uncomfortable. Uh-huh. Because of course I like all the comfy things. Yeah, we all do. Yeah. Well, Buddhism kind of turns this on its head in a certain way because there's a saying in Zen that says the obstacle is the path. Yes. Now, I think it is a different kind of intentionality. It's adjacent here and and worth maybe talking about because it's sort of like, okay, well, if I keep my eyes on the prize, right, then one of the ways I can get there with an easy does it kind of attitude is by acknowledging that obstacles are part of getting to the prize. Yeah. And they're entirely unavoidable. Right. And they will occur.

SPEAKER_04

You say you have a lot of energy when you don't fight it.

SPEAKER_02

Because this is samsara and and by its nature it is. That's right. That's exactly right. Niss's new translation of dukkha is sake. Yeah. Yeah. Imperfect. Yeah. It's it's never gonna actually satisfy the world. We'll never satisfy because everything's impermanent.

SPEAKER_03

We'll never be satisfied.

SPEAKER_02

No. No, I mean you never really will be. Because you get a new car and it's great, but then seven years later it's an old car.

SPEAKER_04

Sometimes, you know, five months later or something. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02

It's it it's it's everything is constantly turning into its opposite. Yes. And um, you know, and kind of going back and forth between the two, and that's like part of the roller coaster of being a human for a long time is that you my experience is anyway, 57 years on the planet, you know. I don't I don't count myself exactly as an elder, but I think I'm elder adjacent.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, you're you're uh you're on the elder track.

SPEAKER_02

I'm elder adjacent at this point. I'm willing to hold it. You know, I I uh uh yeah. I'm still ridiculously juvenile.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. Uh that's not gonna end.

SPEAKER_02

That's not gonna end. But yeah, so this idea that the ob that that then looking at the obstacle as something that's w w worth engaging. In other words, i you know, like not to resist the obstacle, uh, you know, like, okay, uh our flight got cancelled. Right. So in that situation, how do you want to show up? Totally. I it's a good example, right? It's you know, your flight gets canceled. Yep. I've been there. Um, you're in an airport. It's late at night. Yep. Everything is closing. Yep. Maybe you you're you're gonna get on the five o'clock flight, and so it doesn't make any sense for you to go get a hotel. So you're spending the night in the airport.

SPEAKER_00

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02

Right?

SPEAKER_00

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02

How's that going for you? Okay. Like, I mean, do you know what I'm saying? How are you gonna deal with that obstacle? Like, what's that gonna be like for you? Did we talk about it?

SPEAKER_04

Last week, did we talk about the Airbnb incident? I cannot remember.

SPEAKER_02

Which one?

SPEAKER_04

When the power went out.

SPEAKER_02

Oh no, I don't I can't remember. That's the power went out.

SPEAKER_04

So if we did I can't remember that if we talked about this, it happened two weeks two weekends ago, but basically we were at this Airbnb and it was a nice Airbnb, and it was a planned trip with me and Kelly and her daughter, and it was like a girls' night. Um and we stay up late talking, having a good time, and at some point after midnight, the lights go out. And we're all like and it for me it was very weird to be like in a nice Airbnb, but now it's basically like, are we having a hurricane?

SPEAKER_02

You know, it was it got so dark. It did. I mean, when it got dark, it it got dark in a way in that apartment because we were up higher too. Totally. And we were I think because we're around buildings. I think they I think they keep the lighting low because the sea turtles. So, you know, like in our neighborhood, there's so many street lights because we live really we live really close to downtown. Yeah. So we have a lot of light pollution. It's very rare, it's I mean, it's very rarely dark in our neighborhood.

SPEAKER_04

Literally, I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. And I it happened last night. I'm looking out the window and I'm like in the morning. Oh no, that is just that is the darkest that it gets.

SPEAKER_02

That's the darkest that it gets here. Yeah, totally. Yeah, which is you know, so it's so dark to live in the city.

SPEAKER_04

In this Airbnb, it's so dark. And honestly, it was like oh my god. I mean, I did I did unfortunately make a comment that maybe it was the rapture that was the wrong decision.

SPEAKER_02

And then I said, Oh my god, are we dead?

SPEAKER_04

And then my poor daughter is like, but honestly, I found it fun. Like, would I like the lights to be on staff air conditioning? Yeah. Yes, that would be my preference. Yeah. But then I was like, ooh, this is neat. Like, what's gonna hap it? We're camping inside. I mean, I was like, I am ready to make the best of this. Yeah. And so I don't know, it just makes me think about the I hope that if my flight got cancelled and that sort of thing, I could be in good spirits about it. Um I think it would probably depend on certain factors if that would be the case.

SPEAKER_02

But well, I mean, when you're sleeping on a cold floor, you know, cold hard floor, like trying to lay on a cold, hard floor, uh, or or you know, like you're in between a couple of chairs, you got your hoodie up, you're trying to find a place to put your neck, all that kind of stuff. Oh yeah. Um it it it's like, all right, well, how do I keep my eyes on the prize? Well, what is the prize in a situation like that? I do have a flight home.

SPEAKER_04

That's that like I will be in my bed tomorrow. Yeah. That that would be where my mind would go. Yeah. Yeah. And this is temporary.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Probably the way that that I would work through personally my intentionality and that I will just share that this is a hack that I use. Um, and it is it does come directly from Buddhism, which is to I in that situation, I would very likely take the focus off myself and try and help somebody else.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_02

Um and I and I think that this is, you know, like what is the prize really? I mean, for me, one of the prizes is um sharing this information with other people in whatever way. It's behavioral or it's just showing up in a way that's kind. Yeah. To help, you know, promote somebody's happiness or relieve their suffering in the moment if I can. Um, and to get out of my kind of myopic, self-reflective uh uh, you know, state, just all up in my all up in my I, me, me, me, all that stuff. I find I I uh well, I mean, I think it's it's good karma, first of all. It really creates good things in the world. But what what I think is that it's not that I'm I mean, I don't know that I'm a particularly kind or gentlem. I mean, what what I find is I really feel better when I do that. When you help someone else out. Yeah. Yeah. And it's intentional.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

When it when it's not coming from obligatory, compulsive, I have to manage your emotions for you. That's not what I'm talking about here. Right. Yeah. Codependent. I'm not talking about controlling other people or regulating other people. I'm just talking about showing up in a way that is gener absolutely helpful. And in order to do that, I have to know myself. I have to know my motivations, I have to be paying attention to the other person to see what they truly need. I mean, I have been in the past guilty of giving people help that didn't help them. That ended up hurting them. Sure. You know. So anyway, that's a that's a that's a whole other thing. That's a horse of a different color. But keeping your eyes on the prize, I think, is that is that sense of where do where do I want my attention to be? And like that's just so much of what all of intentionality has been for me as we've been um as we've been unpacking these things.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

You know, it's like how often in organizations or relationships or projects there there's like these daily fires that come up.

SPEAKER_04

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02

And then you forget like why you're doing the thing in the first place.

SPEAKER_04

Oh totally. Totally. You know? Yeah. Yep. So a practice that I have done, um, especially when I maybe have a project that I'm working on that requires, you know, um maybe focus blocks, as I like to call them. And I really want to like I have this time, I really want to devote it to this, I want to have my attention on this thing as much as I can. One practice that I do is before I start, I write down two things. Number one, well, I guess three things. Number one, what I'm doing. What exactly I'm doing. So I am clear to myself what this time is for. Creating a draft of blah blah blah or editing blah blah blah. Um, why that is important to me. So what am I doing? Why is it important to me? And then the thing that really fuels it for me is I then say to myself, okay, who else will benefit from me doing this work right now? Right.

unknown

Right.

SPEAKER_04

And I I will I have a little place in my my notebook where I will just I'll write the date and I'll say, now I am doing XYZ. It this is why it's important to me, and this is who will benefit from it. And then I'm thinking about those people that will benefit from it, real or imagined. That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_02

It's like a dedication. You're dedicated. Totally.

SPEAKER_04

And then I can it even just saying that right now and thinking about this project of this podcast, like, it makes me so much more excited.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

To do the thing that, you know, maybe will be challenging, maybe I will find obstacles.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_04

But I have I call that the focus fuel. My focus fuel.

SPEAKER_02

Nice. Dedication.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. Which yeah, I think is a nice like prize uh anchor for the prize. And I know that I need that because I'll get distracted. And then I gotta be like, wait, why am I doing this? Oh yeah. Okay. I can deal with this email. Yeah. I can deal with my computer not doing what I want it to do. And it is so annoying. Right.

unknown

Totally.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. The dedication is great. And I mean, uh, you know, it's like all all of the many, uh I think all of the various um Buddhist ceremonies I've participated in, no matter what the um lineage, there's always a dedication. There's always a dedication, and the dedication goes always back to whoever the teachers were, and it'll go all down the lineage that, you know, we we share the merit of this with all the teachers.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And um and then with all the students too. It's like this idea that um you know, we pause and we dedicate it. Uh i i it's like having a moment of silence at the beginning of something for we you know, thinking of something like let's stop and have a moment of silence and send the energy of this to whomever um that you know we're kind of working towards or for or with.

SPEAKER_04

So that kind of makes me think keep your eyes on the prize. How often is the prize other people?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Being of benefit. I mean, I know for me, part of my aspiration around intentionality is to show up in a way that that does benefit others.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Because I know that when I'm showing up that way, it's better for them and I I do literally care for them. But it's also better for me.

SPEAKER_04

I mean, my relationship you know, the way that I show up really impacts my own relationships and too, I want to mention that like this can apply to, you know, big things and also the small things. Yeah. Like the intentionality of you showing up making us that delicious meal last night, and we're sitting there eating it. And I just remember being like, God, this just makes the day like eating a meal like this at the end of the day, man. I said it was the highlight of my day. And I had a pretty good day. Like there were some other highlights in there, but having that meal that just was like so you know, done with care and and to and with intentionality, yeah. Um makes it makes a difference. I'm sure it's like just making dinner, but it's making dinner.

SPEAKER_02

You know, my grandmother, Ethel Guiled, was a wonderful cook.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And she cooked very simple Midwestern, sort of depression era food. Yeah. You know, um, chicken and noodles, Swiss steak, uh ribs and kraut, um, you know, just stand standard Midwestern Depression era food if you're familiar with that kind of thing, you know. And um lots of things from scratch, but also, you know, a little bit of cream of mushroom soup here and there. Well, delicious. Maybe some jello. And um she was so attentive to her food. Like she had a way of paying attention to the food that when I was little, I had a sense that she cared for it. That it was like the food that she was cooking, the way that she touched it, the way that she looked at it, it it there was like care in her eyes.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And I think about okay, a two- or three-room house, Molly in Illinois. She's got seven kids and her father's living in the basement. So there are ten people living in that house. And maybe in that day she has like, I don't know, a dozen eggs, a chicken, and the um the vegetables from the garden. Yeah. And that's what's going on. Yeah. And um and she feeds ten people all day long with that food. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

So what do you think that grandma Ethel would think about the final phrase?

SPEAKER_02

Easy, does it?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. Well, she was kind of like that. I kind of was wondering.

SPEAKER_02

She just never seemed stressed out to me, even though she was regularly moving and doing stuff and had all these things to do. Yeah. And from what I've heard from my mom and her brothers and and sisters, that's kind of how she was. I mean, she very rarely, if ever, had a crossword for anybody. And um, you know, part of that was just that the well, I mean, it was the time. Yeah, yeah. There was some cultural elements. There was some cultural elements to who it was that she thought she was allowed to be. Yeah. And as I got older and we used to go to the Sea Watch restaurant, she would have a margarita. Oh boy. She would have just the one. Yeah. Every now and then. Yeah. Then she'd start talking. Oh boy. Yeah. Oh boy. Yeah. But yeah. And then it got it got a little bit more real. So I think she was internalizing a lot. Sure, sure, sure, sure. And that's probably, you know, what um the risk. Well, right. And she smoked cigarettes and ended up with hypertension and had a heart attack, yeah. Sure. Um, and so there there was a shadow side. Yeah. But I think that that there, of course, was as there is with everything.

SPEAKER_03

Exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_02

But I think she did kind of move in in the world with an easy does it. I mean, it's like choose a pleasant path, right? Like you're you want to keep your eyes on the prize, but how do you want to show how do you want to get yourself there?

SPEAKER_00

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02

You know?

SPEAKER_00

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02

And easy does it. Well, Murray's thing was easy does it. I I mean, I've had I had a uh I've had a couple of clients that were really intensely what I would consider alpha. Yeah. You know, males, men and women, okay. Didn't really it wasn't necessarily just alpha males. Were they more of a hard does it well type of thing? They were kind of like this was the motto, right? I just don't want to leave a mark on the earth. I want to leave a gash. So violent. Well, and I I find that there are that that so look, easy does it is one way of showing up to find the path, you know, to to to to be on the path. Yes. I mean, i i it maybe it's not the only way.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, it's not the only way, but we get to choose what way. So the here comes here we come back to freaking choice, which I feel like is an ongoing theme in these sayings. Yeah. That we get to choose, you know, do we do we it's not about taking the easy way. I th I think that that's a different thing. But easy does it I mean, c bringing that back to doing it does it. It all sort of circles around the same thing. Doing it does it. It's like do the thing, but if you can make it a little bit easier for yourself, oh why not?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Well, it disrupts, I think, the unconscious idea that if I'm doing something difficult, I need to suffer.

SPEAKER_04

Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_02

Or if I'm doing something I don't like, I need to suffer.

SPEAKER_04

Right. You could j you could just like it without the suffering. I could just not like it, is what I mean.

SPEAKER_02

That's that's it. I could just be like, that's a human emotion, that's some aversion arising. Okay. Okay. This sucks. This sucketh.

SPEAKER_04

You know how I do that? Is it traffic. Yeah. If I am stuck, I mean it and I feel like maybe I had said this before on the podcast, but I really do try to just be like, oh, well, this is what's going on. Because it's like it it already sucks. Right. I don't need to make it suck more about being all bent out of shape about it. And then if I'm in the car with other people, then I'm contributing to the emotion in the space. Like, no, it's like, what am I gonna do? I'm gonna sit and wait here till the car in front of me moves forward and then I'm gonna move forward.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And maybe, you know, you might feel better sitting there doing that if you let somebody in. Ooh. Ooh. Because you know that I know how it feels when I'm in a traffic jam and I need okay, and the lane is closed because there's been an accident. God bless the people who know the accident. And nobody's letting me in. Yeah. You know, it's like just let the pro let me in.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. What is that? So they're so I'm gonna get to my destination three seconds later.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah. And I get it. I mean, I I have been the suffering person who's been like, screw me, buddy, screw you, white Malibu. You didn't let me back in that Seinfeld episode where he refers to the person by the car. Screw you, red stelica. You know what I mean? So oh my gosh. I I I mean, right. So easy does it is like, you know, maybe don't I think this gets back to sort of the Murray thing, which is uh a lot of his intentionality was why are you taking yourself so seriously? You know, like why are you taking yourself so seriously?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Right? Like get a pair of Groucho Marks glasses when you're feeling like uptight, put them on, look at yourself in the mirror. Like, why are you Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why are you taking yourself so seriously? Totally. Right? Well, and then man, it can start to feel serious, right? Like a difficult emotion, an obstacle, a conflict with somebody, uh, something going on at work that I'm not happy about, you know, like someone I like I've been working on a project for weeks, and someone comes in and says something, and then I have to change the whole thing, or you know, whatever it is. Right. Um the obstacles. You know, how how am I how am I going to relate to the obstacles? Easy does it. Easy does it, easy does it.

SPEAKER_04

That's what Uncle Murray says. There was a um when I was in, I don't know, first grade, second grade, there was a show on, I don't know, was it TLC, called Easy Does It. And it was like a gardening home. It was like Martha Stewart, but not, and it was these two ladies, and I freaking loved that show so much. And I remember then then I read it on the thing, and I guess the whole point of the show was like, you can make these things. Easy does it. Maybe that's why I like crafting and stuff. Maybe. So much. I don't know. Well, we've come to the end. Oh boy. I mean, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

We made it. Well, and you know, it's like they all all the slogans uh to me, they seem like they bal they they balance each other. Totally. They really do. They balance each other. Because it's like if if you only like if you think about it, keep your eyes on the prize and easy does it. If you only keep your eyes on the prize, you're gonna be obsessive.

SPEAKER_00

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02

Rigid, mm-hmm, f you know, overly focused. Like you can be too focused.

SPEAKER_04

It's like keep your eyes on the prize, but also easy does it.

SPEAKER_02

You really can be too focused. I saw this I saw something recently on the socials, and it was a it was a human behavior specialist, and he was talking about blinking. Yeah. And that I guess humans blink fifteen to twenty times a second normally, but when they're under stress, they blink more. A second? A minute. A minute. Did I say a second? I meant a minute. And I'm probably wrong about the statistics, so don't take me seriously. Like I said, 95% of statistics are a write up. Especially when Kelly's bullshitting. Um But I I I think it's something like that. So anyway, I w I guess when a person's under stress, they're likely to blink more.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

But have you ever been in the presence of someone who's looking at you really intensely and not blinking? It's very unsettling. Yeah. It it's focused, is why they're doing that. They're extraordinarily focused. Right. And if you look back that's like the mom stare. Yeah. Angry eyes, mom eyes.

SPEAKER_04

I've seen you give that stare to the cat so many times.

SPEAKER_02

My God, I used to give that stare to Vera and she would just laugh at me. Are you trying to act angry, mom? Somewhere. Are you trying to are you trying to what are you doing? You can't pull that off. You think I pull it off with the cats?

SPEAKER_04

Well, I don't think the cat recognizes your, you know. They probably don't even see our faces. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

Have you ever seen an old video of Charles Manson? You know who that is? Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Father of Marilyn Manson.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that guy. That guy. He just looks at, you know, and Ted Bundy was like that too. I mean, when you see people who are really high on sociopathy or psychopathology, psychopathy. Yeah. Like they don't because they're focused in on you like your prey. Like you're prey. Right. So, you know, if you if you're so focused on the prize, it's creepy. It's a you know, I mean, it can go all the way to, you know, I'm not gonna let anything get in my way. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah. And um, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know about that. I know. And I also don't think, you know, I think in terms of easy does it, it's not like don't be lazy, right? There's a tension there. I mean, there there really is a tension there. Or avoidant. Avoidant.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Don't make excuses. I mean, that's really big in intentionality. All the stuff around trying isn't doing is like, don't make excuses. Like, do the thing. Put in the effort. But don't, you know, kill yourself and don't take it too seriously. Right. Like the adult in the room says you can't just manifest stuff by sitting down and saying farting. I'm Well, you're certainly manifesting something there. Where did that even come from? I don't know. By what now? Sitting on the couch and farting.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, you can't manifest things by sitting on the couch and farting.

SPEAKER_02

All right. I don't know that that's an intentionality saying, but it's a Nissaism. You cannot man manifest stuff by sitting on the couch and farting.

SPEAKER_04

I'm sorry. I interrupted. I interrupted you. It's okay. I'm sure you were going to make a more uh poignant point.

SPEAKER_02

I doubt it. I mean, I doubt it. I don't even know where I was going. Oh, just like the tension between I don't know, this whole sort of magical thinking idea that I, you know, I think got really uh promulgated in the New Age spirituality world that if you just have the right attitude, things are gonna come to you. And that ain't it.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, totally. You know, we talked about the thing.

SPEAKER_02

You know, having the right attitude is part of it, but when you want things to come to you, you have to do those good things in the world for other people, and then they will come to you.

SPEAKER_04

We talked about this in the um well um oh what was that episode we did about Karma farming. The karma farming episode. I think that's not what it's called. Um Yeah, but I think that's become our our shorthand for it. Definitely. And then around that same time we did, I'll link these in the show notes, the episode on the moon and the lunar cycle and what the lunar cycle has to teach us. And one of the points that I always make with that is like, yes, we do. We start with an intention, we start with an idea. Right. But that has to be followed by action. It has to be followed by action. So if you're gonna try to manifest by sitting on the couch and farting, you're gonna eventually have to get up off the couch. I mean smell them.

SPEAKER_02

Whoever smelt it, dealt it.

SPEAKER_04

Uh there's a response to that I can't remember.

SPEAKER_02

Whoever dealt it, felt it.

SPEAKER_04

Oh. Whoever felt it. Whoever dealt it, felt it. Yeah. All right. Well, I think we've I think we have kept the main thing on the main thing with this one.

SPEAKER_02

Well, any other parting words you would have to. I mean, just by the end of the series, I think intentionality is just this collection of really beautiful little bits of mind medicine that offer is this practical philosophy where each slogan like reinforces the other. Yes. And um, you know, so yeah, each slogan reinforces the other. And um at some point we should read them all.

SPEAKER_04

I was just gonna say, shall we just read them all together? Yeah. I'm gonna pull them up. Do you have it? I do.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, let's I would love for you to do that.

SPEAKER_04

You have such a somewhere.

SPEAKER_02

Um read it like it's a poem. I will read it like it's a poem. And I'll try not to make inappropriate and juvenile comments. Where is the picture on the side? Or sing songs.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, wait, I think I saved.

SPEAKER_02

I just wanna I just want to narrate for you, listener, that um it just rained. Oh just a little bit. Just a little bit slowing down now. My gosh, in Florida, it's just in Tampa. It has been hot and we have not been getting any rain, and I'm so grateful for that bit of rain.

SPEAKER_04

All right, shall we shall we go out with the intentionality poem?

SPEAKER_02

Do it, do it, do it. Just hang on a proper pot of coffee in a proper coffee pot.

SPEAKER_04

Okay. Yeah. Everything you've done in life prepared you for this moment. It is frequently easier to get what you want when you know what it is. That everything works, but nothing works. Feeling good needs no excuse. Anything worth doing is worth doing badly. If you think you uh can do something about the world, you have a better chance. Be nice to yourself. Your reality is as good as anybody else's. It is useful to view the past in a friendly way. Doing it does it. There's more than two ways to skin a cat. Take the hard things easy. You're already ready. Trying is not doing it. When in doubt, choose the belief that is most useful to you. Life is a joke. Either you get it or you don't. Whatever it is you feel, remember you don't have to. An opportunity missed is an opportunity missed. Aim yourself at being with people who facilitate you being the person you want to be. The more I ask for what I want, the more likely I am to get it. You can't be different by acting the same. Find a pleasant path. Keep your eyes on the prize. Easy does it.

SPEAKER_03

Golf clap. Snaps.

SPEAKER_04

Oh yeah, snaps. Snaps. Alright, let's now hear it again for Nissa reading Uncle Murray's intentionality sayings. Yep. Oh, well, this has been a fun series. Listen, y'all, we are gonna can continue to publish episodes.

SPEAKER_02

Um stay tuned because it's only gonna get better from here.

SPEAKER_04

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02

Better from here on out. We're committed to bringing you quality content.

SPEAKER_04

And we gotta, you know, continue our goals of uh 50 episodes for this year.

SPEAKER_02

So please like, share, and subscribe to the like shit, subscribe.

SPEAKER_03

And if you have not left us a review, please. Please, please. I'm begging you. Leave us a review.

SPEAKER_04

What the fuck? Um Yeah, well we'll see you all next week. On being different. Together.

SPEAKER_02

Alright, let's do this fucking thing. Alright. Proper cup of coffee and a proper coffee pot. Proper pot. Proper cup of coffee and a proper coffee pot. Pot. Proper pot of coffee and a proper coffee pot.

SPEAKER_04

Proper pot of coffee and a proper coffee pot.