How Grief Gave This Doctor the Courage to Talk About Periods Online

On this episode of Between Mothers and Daughters, we are joined by Dr. Charis Chambers, The Period Doctor. She shares with us her journey to becoming a viral content creator, opening her own clinical practice, and writing a new book. There's so much to gain from this conversation, from busting period myths, to how she's managing being a new mom, Dr. Charis is inspirational, informative, and empowering. We loved learning from her and hope you do too!

Find Patti on IG and TikTok: ‪@taskyourself‬
Find Kamaria on IG and TikTok: ‪@kamarialeyla‬
Find Dr. Charis Chambers on IG and TikTok: ‪@ThePeriodDoctor‬

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Hi, and welcome back to Between Mothers and Daughters. Because if you can't tell your mother, then who can you tell? Today we're joined by Dr. Shars Chambers. And it's National Women's Health Month. Welcome, Dr. Chambers. How are you today? I'm excellent. Thank you both for having me. Absolutely. Thank you for being here. So introduce yourself to the audience. What is your specialty?

SPEAKER_01 0:19

Okay. I am a board-certified OBGYN who has some specialty training in pediatric and adolescent gynecology. That's a lot of words. Yeah. But ultimately, I support the gynecologic health of those that are 21 and under. Wow. So a lot of children. Yes, a lot of children, a lot of teens, and a lot of really young adults who are trying to figure out how they're going to show up for themselves for the rest of their lives. And you specialize in periods. Yes. So lots of young women. Lots of young women, lots of people who are having their first periods, kind of getting those earlier period symptoms and trying to figure out what it all means. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

And can I ask, how did you get into this? What made this your specialty?

SPEAKER_01 0:56

Yeah, so um I actually have two other OBGYNs in my family that definitely influenced my role. But I actually was exposed to this in medical school. One of my rotations, I really liked teen patients, and so I was like, hey, I'd want to do an adolescent medicine rotation. That was my first time understanding that there was an adolescent focus of gynecology. In that first visit, I saw a mother and a daughter and just loved the opportunity to kind of serve as their almost like health mediator, so to speak, uh, to figure out what their goals were and to kind of get them together to get them aligned. And I was like, oh, I could do this. I could do this for the rest of my life.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Okay, so did you have a mother that poured into you like that?

SPEAKER_01 1:37

Yes, my mother um was one of the most exceptional women in my life. Uh, she was definitely someone who spoke life into all of her daughters, um, but definitely wasn't as forthcoming or as open on conversations around periods. Okay. Uh so I always say I couldn't have had a better mother, but I could have had better period education.

unknown 1:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

So last question, though. Do you find that mothers do or don't have the conversation in general?

SPEAKER_01 2:05

I find that mothers don't have the conversation often enough, earlier enough, or accurately enough. Um and so well while many people in the millennial generation say, My mother never talked with me about it, um, or she said two things, um, people today are actually having more conversations but still have a lot of questions and a lot of gaps.

SPEAKER_03 2:26

Okay, that's fair. And you've gone somewhat viral online for your period education and myth busting. How did that start?

SPEAKER_01 2:34

So, gosh, I started before the pandemic. I started in 2019. I was actually in fellowship, and so this was my ninth year of medical training at that time.

SPEAKER_04 2:44

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Um, and my mother had passed away two years prior, and I was just at this point in my life where I was just searching for this purpose, right? Purpose to just feel like life is worth, you know, living and pushing through. Um, and I found that purpose in showing up for my patients and really allowing them to have like a breakthrough in their health and understanding. And so I would spend time with my patients, explaining periods and things like that, and they would always say, No one explains it like you. Why didn't they just say that? Right. Why can't more doctors talk like you? And I was like, I girl, I don't know. But I said, you know, I could schedule an appointment for the rest of my life every 15 to 30 minutes and never reach as many people as I could reach if I did this on social media. Correct. And so I just started my first video like cringy. Like I'm like, I am Dr. Sharp. Like I didn't know how to talk. I just felt, you know, because she's like, how do you talk to nobody? Yeah. Um But over time I realized there was an appetite for this information. Absolutely. Because people have so many questions, and they don't always feel empowered to bring it up during their doctor's visit. They don't always have the time. And so I've if I can take the most common questions or the questions that make people feel the most uncomfortable and address it with compassion and kindness, that's going to naturally spread. And so that's what I saw.

SPEAKER_03 3:57

Yeah. Your content is very engaging. The people in the comments, they seem very grateful to have you.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

And I appreciate them. They would be like, yes, girl, when I was 12, da-da-da-da you know, and I'm just like, thank you. And you'll even see in the comments people giving each other advice, like, actually, you should go to this doctor. They shouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry you went through that. And the compassion and community that social media fosters is so beautiful to see. There's a lot of, you know, things that people say about social media that are negative, but I've been able to see the positive side, and I think that's a beautiful blessing.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

There's definitely pros and cons. Yes. I I think that supporting a community where there has been a gap, because sometimes I just like e even when we have our conversations here, they're like, Your mother talks to you like that. I'm like, don't all mothers, but how would I know, right? Right. And so would you know? When I first got on social media, the the young women would ask me all these questions, and I thought to myself, where are you all getting your guidance? Like who's talking to you?

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Who's talking to you is a perfect question. And so, like you said, most parents don't know what's happening in other households. And my perspective was very unique unique because I'm sitting down with mothers and daughters most of the time. You know, parents, guardians, and their child, and I'm seeing these dynamics and seeing where the gaps are. I'm seeing them wanting to protect but failing. I'm seeing them falling into the same trends and mistakes, like, you know, manipulation and harshness and control and you know, just avoiding things entirely.

SPEAKER_03 5:27

I'm like, no, I'm sure a lot of your work actually falls like on the emotional and the therapeutic side outside of your technical skills.

SPEAKER_01 5:33

Absolutely. And I realized that because I I don't have a lot of time. Like even in my best, you know, longest visits, because I'm a subspecialist, I tend to get like 40 minutes. Yeah, but that's still not enough time to unpack everything.

SPEAKER_04 5:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 5:47

Right. And so I I I saw this gap, and that's also why I wrote my book. I was like, this is like the love letter of everything I wish I could give these parents. Right. It's what I wish I could give them before they come to me when they look at me like, where do I start? I'm overwhelmed. I want to help her, but I don't know the words or the way. Yeah. This is what this book is.

SPEAKER_03 6:05

I can only imagine you after those 40 minutes feeling like, wait, there's so much more that these folks need.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

I can't leave you yet, you know.

SPEAKER_03 6:12

So, Dr. Shardis, you've you're a practicing physician.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 6:15

You have the social media uh profile. You wrote the book. Yes. You're a new mom.

SPEAKER_01 6:21

Yes. You're doing it all. There's a lot that's happening. I actually wrote the book mostly while I was pregnant and postpartum. I would not recommend that. Like my brain was actively going through remodeling. Um, and I was trying to pull, you know, my best writing and my deepest stories and deepest comparisons and metaphors. And some days I was like, this feels really impossible. Um, but I'm so happy to be on the other side. And so, yes, doing a lot, not going to glamorize doing a lot as if it is the most fun thing in the world. But my ambitions are such that these things are necessary for me to feel fulfilled. And I feel the most fulfilled when I'm able to be the wife and mother and sister and doctor and speaker and author that I am.

SPEAKER_00 7:04

Yeah. You know what? And I can feel a lot, but I can also feel the joy that you get from doing this. Like this is your passion project.

SPEAKER_03 7:12

You seem like completely refreshed, not burnt out at all.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

Well, part of that is time management. Okay. Um, making sure that, you know, it's not everything and doing it my way. So I stepped away from clinical care while I was writing this. Okay. Um, until I could find a clinical setting and just kind of structure that really honored the life that I want to live and allowed me to show up for my patients in the way I want to show up. So I feel like when you are walking in purpose and when you are doing work that you're called to do, it's still work. Yeah, it's not a problem. It's still tiring, right? But there's something that you're getting from it. So my cup is not empty every day. Even though I'm giving myself, I'm getting filled by my patients, by my community online, by people that just show up for me and pour into me. And so it's a it's a mutual thing, and I I'm blessed too. That's such a blessing.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

Do you direct your patients to your social media presence?

SPEAKER_01 8:02

So I don't typically do that unless it's something that I don't have a ton of time to address. And so I have a video about how to insert a tampon. Okay. I have a video about menstrual cups. You should look it up. Most of the time I do try to address it in my office, and I don't want them to feel like they have to go to social media to get the best of me. Because in the room, that's how I customize my care. Social media is very general, and I always say this is not personal medical advice, it's general guidance on topics that are, you know, out there that people have questions around. So I'd love to address as much as I can in the visit, but if it's some sort of general question, I might be like, and by the way, if you want to see that more, um, you can look it up.

SPEAKER_00 8:40

Do you find that you garner more patients because of the social media presence?

SPEAKER_01 8:44

I think it definitely helps. It definitely helps. I have sometimes I can tell because I'll walk into the room and the mom just kind of beaming. I'm like, hi! We found you. We love your page. But it's so nice and it's beautiful because I'm I'm the same person. You know. By making my social media an extension of my professional work, it's not like I have to perform. Right. They come in and they get the same thing. Am I as cute? No. I have a little scrubs. My hair might be a little healthy and so adorable. Don't believe it. So God. But um, they come in and they're just like, we love what you do. And I think most people are grateful that I'm offering aid to folks that are not my patients as best I can, but also able to show up for them.

SPEAKER_00 9:27

You know, and I was sharing with Kamaria just the other day, I was saying that there are so many things to share with a daughter, right?

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Oh my gosh, yes.

SPEAKER_00 9:35

Like you you like, okay, I did that one, right? I did that one, okay. I'm good. I did that one. And then there's like 15 more. You're like, I never even thought of that one.

SPEAKER_01 9:42

It's ever evolving.

SPEAKER_00 9:43

It's and it's ever evolving, and it's times change. You know, because now you all we're having period conversations and first period conversations. I I was grown before I had my first menopause conversation and was not with my mother. You know what I mean? So like she'll have menopause information for me, but I didn't. Right. You know, so thank you for doing the work. Yes, no. Highlighting and hopefully building conversations and communities between mothers and daughters with this simple project for all the conversations.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

Absolutely. And and that's the hard part, right? It's like, how do you have this conversation and lead this conversation if no one talked to you?

SPEAKER_02 10:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

If no one ever showed you or modeled what it looks like to be a compassionate parent, a parent that doesn't judge, a parent that seeks out accurate information. How do you just do that? And the reality is we do a number of things that are breaking generational cycles every single day. Um what I find is that when you kind of blend that desire with um that willingness and the resources, we can all do it. And that's the part that I want parents to know. Just because you didn't live it, just because you didn't inherit it, just because you didn't see it modeled, doesn't mean you're not capable.

SPEAKER_03 10:57

I'm sure your book though will benefit parents who themselves have stigma and shame around their own periods because I feel like the younger generation, they're a little ahead as far as like, you know, accepting everyone's anatomy and understanding, you know, all the body types. But a lot of the shame and stigmas that, you know, are passed down about periods come from people much older than both of us, all of us.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

Absolutely, absolutely. One person said, I'm gonna read your book before I have a daughter so I can heal the integral in me. And I said, Oh my god. You know, I'm thinking that this is for the daughters that are living and present and breathing. Um, you know, but it's also reparative and restorative work. And so even the way I structured my book, I start with my first period story, and I always think that if you're entering into a vulnerable space and you are requesting vulnerability, you have to lead with it. So I lead with that. I talk about the social political landscape and why it's important to really show up for your daughters. Um and then I talk about unlearning and really unpacking all of the things that we were taught and addressing myths head on with care and saying, I know where this came from. I know why you believe this, but this is the harm. And so that kind of unearthing of that that shame and that stigma that is necessary to plant seeds that are positive and new.

SPEAKER_03 12:15

Yeah. And for those parents to be able to advocate for their children. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

Okay, we keep talking about the mythical book. Where's the book? What's the title of the book? Can we see the book?

SPEAKER_01 12:24

Um got it with me. So the book is The Period in Puberty Parenting Revolution. I like alliteration, yeah. But it's also intentionally named this way. Um, one, I wanted to make sure that parents knew that this is focusing on periods, on puberty, and so we're talking about like female anatomy. But I didn't want to assume the gender of the child. Right. Obviously, in this context, we're mothers and daughters because that's what we identify as. But there's some people who are going to have periods that don't identify that way. Right. There's some parents who are non-menstruating parents, non-birthing parents, and they are the adults in these kids' lives who need this information. Coaches, nurses, aunts, cousins, big sisters. There's so many people that influence folks with periods, and this book is for them. Yes. I love that.

SPEAKER_03 13:08

I want to go back to something you said earlier, actually, about stepping out of the clinical setting to do your own. Yes. So that's like a little bit entrepreneurship too. Oh, yeah. Because like you're starting from the ground up a new practice.

SPEAKER_01 13:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 13:22

Tell me a little bit about like stepping out on faith and how that's been.

SPEAKER_01 13:25

Yeah, so I think so much of my life is stepping out on faith. And it's unfortunate the the things that happen in life that actually give us courage. So the thing that made me my most courageous was losing my mom. So I lost my mom, uh, my fourth year of residency of OBGYN residency. So for folks that are in medical training, you already know that residency is the hardest time of your life. So um adding that layer on there was really, really challenging.

SPEAKER_04 13:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:51

Um, and so you know, you're just like, well, if this is like my nightmare and I'm living it and breathing and somehow still alive, I what could hurt me? Right. Right. Some know. Right. What could actually hurt me? If if I have sustained this and I'm still standing, yeah, and the world is somehow still going, let me be braver.

SPEAKER_02 14:12

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 14:13

And so I I I I struggle to say that I wouldn't be who I am without that loss. But I don't know that I would be who I am.

SPEAKER_03 14:21

That was like her final gift to you, that bravery.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

It really was, and it has changed how I operate in life. Yeah, it has changed how I see every day. And it's just like nothing can hurt me more than that. Like really. So you go ahead, I'm sorry. And I'm still moving. So so anyway, that that courage is not something that I feel like I innately had, but after being knocked down in that way, I stood up and I was like, I'm gonna live life on my own terms.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

I love that. Yeah. So your support, who's I heard you say siblings. Yes. I heard you say new parents. Yes. So t tell us a little bit about your support system and how that enriches you.

SPEAKER_01 14:53

I have the most incredible support system. So I count my mother as a part of my support system because she poured out so much love. And I just don't feel like that type of love ends. I feel like it's eternal. Yes. Uh so she is telling me.

SPEAKER_00 15:05

That's a beautiful and wonderful statement.

SPEAKER_01 15:07

Yes. And my book is dedicated to her. Um, and then I have to say, my husband, I mean, when people see someone who is courageous, especially a woman who is married with a child doing courageous things, I think you have to look at their partner. And so when I am traveling and doing all these things, having a partner who steps in and has never, never made me feel guilty about it. That's awesome. Oh my gosh, it is an answered prayer because I dated some folks along the way who were intimidated when I was just a trainee. Okay. This was pre-period doctor, right? Uh, who could not have held what God had for me.

SPEAKER_02 15:44

Right.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

Um, and I'm so grateful for the partner I have. My sisters are my best friends. I mean, I I call them by everything, child. Like this outfit. I don't need them to be like, what else do you have? You know, after after you leave the house, you gotta call them before you leave. My sisters are my best friends, and honestly, um, my Spellman sisters. So I I went to Spelman undergrad, and I know that's a connection we have. Um, and they are some of the most incredible people in my life. They hold me up. We have been together almost 20 years of friendship now, and so many of them have been texting me and congratulating me and messaging people. I saw a Spellman sister on the plane here, and my husband was like, Um, she's being modest, she got a book coming out, you know. And she said, I mean, before we saw her boarding on the plane, by the time she got to her seat, she said, I pre-ordered it and sent it to a friend. I said, I love us. I love us. I love us. So I have an incredible support system that allows me to show up like I am and show up how I do fully. And I also can go to them as broken and beat down as I have to be as or as I am, and they hold me and restore me so I can get back out there.

SPEAKER_03 16:49

Nice, yeah. And so, new mom, tell us about baby. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

So, you know me with all my period uh stuff. The Lord's gonna give me a daughter, right? Because I am prepared. Um, so of course I have a son. And I was just like, God, why would you do that? Like if I have a hand, give me a nail. Right, I know. So um, but then I realized, and this is something I also have been kind of leaning into as it relates to this book, parents of boys are a part of this revolution too. Right? Revolutions have never happened with just a subset of folks believing in it. Um the idea that periods and even birth and even menopause is just women's work or women's burden to carry is really inappropriate. And so I am raising my son to be a very outspoken advocate for reproductive health, to be someone who understands periods and is a good human, like just a good human. And so the idea that you shouldn't talk to boys about periods, or they don't need to learn about it, the girls can go into an assembly somewhere and they can start bleeding, but the boys can just be boys because it's ridiculous.

SPEAKER_00 17:52

If men understood better, there may be better laws about it, or or access or just understanding. I'm like, hello, it it because you're making laws and rules and changing the world on things you don't you've never even talked about one time.

SPEAKER_01 18:08

Never even talked about. There's so many things there. But also, they'd be better friends, yeah, yes, better colleagues, better, you know, romantic partners, human beings, better plata. Better humans. Better humans. Better humans.

SPEAKER_00 18:21

Can you go to the store and get me tampons? Like what? Yeah. Right. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 18:25

Better human beings. And so I really um had to kind of sit with that. Like, this is not a time for you to tap out. Like, what is how does this approach different? And I'm gonna teach him so many things that I think men need to know in s this world, uh, like how to pivot when a girl says no. Yeah, how to not just talk about a girl's body, right? How to um honor decision making and autonomy, all of these things that we need to be talking about um at much younger ages. So there's a lot of generational cycles that we can still break, even if we are moms of boys. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 18:59

And as a black woman in this space, do you feel like your presence inspires many? Because for me, I feel inspired as listening. I'm like, mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 19:07

So yes, and that is that was something I always hoped to be able to do. And I previously believed that I had to be in academic centers because when you're going through training, you're really inspired by the doctors you see.

SPEAKER_04 19:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

But when you're going through training, you're training in these academic centers. And so I always thought that I would have to be in one of these larger institutions in order to inspire that next generation. Like I knew how much it affected me when I saw a black woman doctor walk in the door. I'm like, this is our lecture today. Oh, like, oh my gosh, I'll sit in the front row. Like that changed that day for me, that week, that month. Um and so when I started to learn more about myself and realize academic medicine wasn't really where my heart was. That I loved the power of research and I loved explaining it, I didn't love doing it. I was like, oh no, how are they going to see me? And part of showing up on social media is to give that black woman representation.

SPEAKER_00 19:59

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 19:59

So they can know like we do exist. Um, you can do this on your own terms, you can't own your expertise, you can show up authentically. Um, I had a medical student who told me that when I used to come on night floats, that's when you're on night uh call basically for like a month on end, and I would walk in with my flat twists. I'm gonna pick out my twist for y'all. Right. So to put it under this little screw. Okay, um, she was so inspired by me just showing up as my authentic self. And here I go trying to protect my hair. Okay, right. I'm like, see, this is for the weekend, it's not for you. Right. But she just loved that authenticity and she told me about it years later. And so showing up fully for yourself and and and for your community, um, that really matters. And I love that I get to do that every day.

SPEAKER_03 20:45

Yeah, I'm sure there's so many young people who come into your office and leave with a new idea of what they can be when they Yes, that's my favorite.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

Yeah. They're like, Well, I want to do what you do. I'm like, Really? Yeah. Marion Um Edelman said, You cannot be what you cannot see. Right. Right. And that's a big deal. I think there's there's two sides of that because I will say in my training, I didn't see someone doing what I'm doing exactly. Obviously, social media hadn't really kind of blossomed in that way. But you start to see someone living life on their own terms and and owning the conversation and stepping out of the boundaries that other people have set up for them. And that still gives you the courage to even create your own path.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

You know, I have heard that phrase a million times, you cannot be what you cannot see. And today I'm like, you know what? Mm-hmm.

unknown 21:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

Congratulations on being seen. But you know what, and being because uh kudos for being a black woman doctor, right? Yeah. For black women and who is one herself. But sometimes that doesn't make that's that doesn't automatically make you like the best person, right? Oh, that is correct. So you showing up this uh with this humility, with this knowledge base, with this wanting and willingness to share, and showing up authentically, like I can clap for that.

SPEAKER_01 21:59

Thank you. I say I don't know how else to show up. I think it is so tedious to be someone else. And it is so hard for me to not be me. I think I was raised by parents who constantly told me that my quirks and all of those things were enough. And so part of me showing up this way is letting other people know that you're enough. And that enough looks different because we are different. But that diversity is is a beautiful thing. But I also say that I have been black way longer than I've been a doctor. Okay. And um so when I walk into rooms, I walk into a room as the black girl that I just have always been, with the doctor being added to that. And it really matters to me that black girls see me um as someone who was once them. And that I don't distance myself from them unnecessarily. I try to draw near and say, that's what I like to do too. Girl, I just had those braids last week. You know, I struggled in in high school with that same thing. Yeah. So um I think there that vulnerability, all of those things, I hope that it helps these this future generation say, I can do this too.

SPEAKER_03 23:12

I think anything is possible. I'm curious, is a black woman in the medical field? Do you feel like the higher you get in your career, the biases die down, or do you feel like the more people want you to prove yourself?

SPEAKER_01 23:24

I think there's still a desire for people to want you to prove yourself. My favorite part is that I don't have to. Right. And I love reminding um folks around me that my my merit is no longer up for debate. My credentials are set. Period. Um and I was talking to my therapist about this. I said, I believe I am in gratification. So so much about medicine has been delayed gratification. And I said, Oh my God, I believe I've gotten to gratification. And I need to sit in the season and accept it for what it is.

SPEAKER_00 23:59

And roll around in it and enjoy it. Roll around in it. Right. Right. Isn't that great?

SPEAKER_01 24:04

Part of that is making a decision in myself. I'm no longer proving myself. Right. Because I did the most a doctor can do. So when you do medical school, you're a doctor. You don't have to go to residency necessarily. Right. I did four years of residency and then I did two more years of fellowship. There is no training after that. Right. So I don't care who you are. Right. You cannot try to make me feel less than a lot of people.

SPEAKER_03 24:26

And I love that you know that and you you feel that because yeah, some people just never stop explaining themselves and never stop proving themselves. And I and it's it's exhausting to watch. So I'm so glad to hear you say that.

SPEAKER_01 24:36

Oh, and I get I see, I feel the bias, I feel the sexism, I feel the ageism every time I walk in a room. But when I walk into my patient's room and I hold their hand and I pray with them before surgery, or I tell their mother that surgery went perfectly, or I'm so happy you came here because that endometriosis was bad, but I'm gonna take care of your daughter, that's what matters. I don't care about these dusty little haters, right? That see me walking in and are sad that I exist where they exist, they are blessed to breathe the air I breathe. But they don't know that, and I'm not going to waste my time with you.

SPEAKER_03 25:09

And you are of a new generation of doctors. Yes. And I'm sure outside of outside of you know the black part, the woman part, even the social media thing has the mind. Oh my god, yes. Oh, are you allowed to do that?

SPEAKER_01 25:20

Exactly. It's so funny. Um, and and you see people as they start to learn more about how dynamic and full you are, feeling more intimidated about it and asking you questions that have nothing to do with them. Um like, for example, asking me, now how are you going to work in this role and have your own practice? Like, ooh. Oh, you would love to know. Yeah, you do. Tell me how that's relevant to you. And then I might think about responding.

SPEAKER_00 25:48

Or is is that a conflict of interest with you being on social media and then having a private practice with private patients?

SPEAKER_01 25:54

Or just also all of these questions. And I'm like, wouldn't that be interesting for you to learn?

SPEAKER_03 25:59

Yeah, but you like you seem like you have like super laser sharp focus on every project, like you just every project and all of these things.

SPEAKER_01 26:06

If someone brings it up to me, I've already considered it. Yeah. My sister, who is my best friend, uh she's my attorney. My mother was an attorney as well, but she is my attorney. She she reads through every single thing, reads through every contract. I am very upfront. I let people know exactly what I have going on. You're not gonna find something out about me. I don't move in any type of secrecy or deception because I am walking in authority and in goodness. And so when you walk with purity, like I don't owe an explanation about anything because I know I'm doing the right thing.

SPEAKER_03 26:37

Another thing that stands out to you that I've been like thinking about for myself is like sometimes when I feel anxious, I boiled it down to I don't feel prepared. You seem prepared for every situation and room you walk into.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

So I love that you believe that. So a big thing that I've been working out through therapy is anxiety. So I've been very anxious, and even in my book, I talk about being a very anxious child. But part of the growth, I think, in maturity is learning where anxiety is being helpful, right? When you have a doctor who needs to anticipate every bad scenario, you need someone who has an anxious imagination, right? I need to be able to imagine what is the worst case scenario so I can protect you from it. But when I am packing for a trip, I don't need to be anxious, right? It's like girl, put your pajamas in your bed, right? And so finding places where anxiety is showing up, this is my therapist talking to me, uh, and saying, Thank you, anxiety, I'm actually good.

SPEAKER_04 27:35

Right?

SPEAKER_01 27:35

And so that's something I have worked on, but through therapy, through years of therapy, naturally I've had more of a codependent relationship with anxiety. Um and so to hear you say that I I'm grateful because it means I've grown, but I also am not going to accept that without sharing that perception. It's not entirely. Yeah, but no, we need the real. Yeah, that's the context.

SPEAKER_03 27:57

Yeah. And uh this is just interesting to me. So you how long have you been doing therapy? How many years?

SPEAKER_01 28:02

Oh man, I started after my mother passed because I was like, huh, losing my brain and my my sense of self. Um, so that would have been about eight or nine years off and on. Um, but now I have like a weekly therapy appointment because the higher you go, the more ambition you have, the overwhelm, the anxiety, all of those things start to creep in. Yeah. Um and I want to show up as my best self.

SPEAKER_03 28:26

I love that because I think a lot of people feel like, okay, well, I have the super supportive community, I have the friends, I have people I can talk to. Do I need a therapist? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 28:38

Oh, absolutely. And a therapist for me is someone I can talk to who doesn't take it personally. So even if, you know, I started therapy asp after my mom passed, but even if I was talking to my mom, and even when patients tell me when they talk to their mom, they're like, I just feel really depressed today, or something like that. That mom sometimes takes it in, like, what am I not doing? Right. Right. And so instead of the therapist being like, What did I do on your third birthday that makes you, you know, run it? Right, you can just talk about your biggest. We just we can just talk about them and they don't internalize it, and solutions are more readily available. Also, they're trained to do that. And so while I talk to my sisters about things and I talk to my husband about things, who am I gonna talk to? I need to talk about them. Right. Sometimes I need my therapist to be like, How do I deal with this? Yeah and I don't want to um burden other people with things that they don't have the tools to help me with. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

You have an amazing therapist.

SPEAKER_01 29:29

Oh my gosh, she's the best.

SPEAKER_00 29:30

She is so good.

SPEAKER_01 29:31

It's insane. I actually met her on a panel and she was speaking. I was just leaning back, like she didn't even know she's about to meet her. Go off. Go off queen. She was just amazing. Um, and I love that. I love how we show up for ourselves. I love how our communities can be mental health professionals and my sister, my line sister, and you know, my doctor. There's so many ways in which we can support ourselves, and I don't believe you can have too much support.

SPEAKER_03 29:57

Okay, I love that. What are some of the other things that you think keep you so regulated or you know help keep stay regulated?

SPEAKER_01 30:03

So my faith. My faith is huge in having friends of faith that pray for you. I had one of my good friends, um, Shelly, call me this morning and uh she said, I just wanted to, I wanted to lay eyes on you, but I couldn't, so I'm calling you. You know those people that are like, I need to see how you're feeling. Right. Because they know what your emotional state can be like when things are at higher stakes, so to speak.

SPEAKER_04 30:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:26

Uh and they consider you in that way. And so I said, just pray for me, then I'm a good steward. She said, You know what else I'm gonna pray for? She already had a prayer list. She was like, good energy, because you really you really go off when you were around good energy. And I was like, I can think about friends like that that are praying for you, that meet you in your faith and petition God for you. That matters. I mean, of course I pray for myself, but I have a church community that prays for me. My husband just faith is is my foundation. It is what my mother gave me. It is the it is the the faith and the the religion and and the belief of my grandmothers, you know, like and I I feel it sustaining me every day.

SPEAKER_03 31:03

Yeah. That's nice. Yeah. What season were you in when you met your husband? Was this grad school residency?

SPEAKER_01 31:11

So I was I was actually graduating from fellowship. If you know, if he tells the story, he's gonna say she was unemployed when I met you didn't have a job. So um I was finishing up my fellowship. I just graduated. I was still living in Houston. Okay, and actually, um, I had one of my good friends who's a fertility specialist. Her program was three years, mine was two. So we entered together, but I was leaving her and I was like, I'm so smart. Um, that you're so smart that you have to train the end of the year. And so I was trying to, you know, we'd been going out in the town and stuff. I was like, girl, you need to get yourself a man. So I was like, get on hinge and I'm gonna take some pictures. We're on a rooftop. She looked gorgeous. I was like, okay, and turn this way. Wait a minute.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

Are you her single friend telling her this?

SPEAKER_01 31:51

Yes, yes, yes. We're both single. Single saying this. And so she was like, I'm not getting on there unless you get on there. I was like, so I had to make a um a little profile and then she did as well. But I was moving, I was moving in two weeks. And I was like, now I'm trying to find a husband. Right. I mean how to hook him. So I set my location for Atlanta. None of this makes sense. But anyway, connected with my husband the next day. Um, he was like, when are you flying in? I was like, Wednesday. He said, Can I take you out Thursday? And so I never dated in Atlanta after moving back because I said, Lord, I love the way your husband was waiting for you to land. Waiting for me to land. So I've heard, but I would not know. Um when I met him, I was at the end of my training, excited to have find something new, but also ready to find a partner. Just had all the things. I had all the things. Um it was definitely in that trajectory, but that was the part that I was still praying about. And I I thank God for being the type of God that cannot um or does not just bless me professionally, bless me, you know, emotionally and relationally as well.

SPEAKER_00 33:05

So thank you for sharing your personal life with us. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 33:09

Giving us that moment to really know who you are. Yes. What are some of the most common myths you find yourself debunking in person and online?

SPEAKER_01 33:17

Yeah, oh gosh. There's so many myths, and I always say I can't like track them all down. Yeah. So I I worry about the myths that make us feel um inconvenient, uh, incapable, incomplete. Those are the ones that really bother me. So um the number one myth I think that that really bothers me is that when you start to have bleeding, you are spontaneously a woman. Like you just blood woman, like immediately. Um I don't like that. And the reason it bothers me is because there can be this time period where parents see that first drop of blood and then withdraw support from their daughters. This is particularly harmful for black girls. Yeah. So we know that black girls bear the brunt of this like adultification bias where society and adults in their life see them as older than they actually are. Uh less in need of nurturing and support. Yes, less in need of mercy, more promiscuous, all of these things.

SPEAKER_00 34:15

Okay, um where do your community, what what echelon of the world do you serve, if that makes sense to you?

SPEAKER_01 34:23

Yeah, all all all across the board.

SPEAKER_00 34:24

All across the board.

SPEAKER_01 34:25

So you you see I see people with great and high education, with some of the best insurance and resources, and then I see people that are underinsured or not insured as well.

SPEAKER_00 34:34

And you find that bias goes across Across the Board. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 34:38

Across the board. Isn't that remarkable?

SPEAKER_00 34:41

You know, and it's a study in itself. You just seeing this every day, just being like, okay, somebody's gotta address this. I gotta knock this out.

SPEAKER_01 34:47

And I and as soon as they say it, I'm like, oh no, that actually no. Because what do we mean that you're a woman? Like what does that actually mean?

SPEAKER_03 34:54

I promise you I was not a woman at 11 years old.

SPEAKER_01 34:56

Okay. And I wasn't at 13. There's so many, even a 10-year-old who is with child for some any craze is not a woman. At all. That's a child. So that's something I bring up just because I think it's one of the things that highlights the duality of how we show up in this world and how we try to carry some of these ancestral things, like, oh, this is a milestone. So you became a woman because I became a woman and my grandmother became a woman. Just let's just hold hold on. Right. What does that actually mean? Right. And do we want to truly pass that down? Or do we acknowledge that there is a shift that has happened naturally and that there's a requirement for more support?

SPEAKER_02 35:32

Right.

SPEAKER_01 35:32

There's a requirement for more mercy and education and all of those things.

SPEAKER_00 35:37

And the fact that sometimes in men's brains, you have become a woman. Your mother then has to be a bigger protector for you to say, that is not a woman. Right. That is my daughter. That's a little girl.

SPEAKER_01 35:50

Also that.

SPEAKER_00 35:51

You know, because there's some states where you can get married at 14 and 15 or whatever. That is a child.

SPEAKER_01 35:56

That is a child. Her body has changed.

SPEAKER_00 35:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 35:59

Right? But that does not mean that she is grown. She's growing, but not grown. So many of those things. And so I think holding space for that transition, it is truly a transitional time. That is what I care about. And so if someone can do that and say, you know, this is a part of womanhood and this is a part of that process, that's fine. But I do think we need to challenge that narrative around first period equals woman.

SPEAKER_03 36:24

Okay, so that's one of the biggest myths. What are some of the other niche ones that you've got?

SPEAKER_01 36:27

Oh my gosh. I think there's a lot of myths around period products, especially tampons. So tampon use, especially in black and brown communities, I mean just I mean, just heaped in taboos. Yeah. So many people will, I mean, will just say, we do not keep tampons in this house, and she knows if she uses a tampon, I'm kicking her out or something crazy. I mean, extreme statements like that. Equating it to sex. Equating it to sex. Now everybody. Anyone who has used a tampon can tell you that when they're using set tampon, the last thing they are thinking about is pleasure or sex. Right, right. Right? This is a period product that is meant to be convenient, that is helpful for swimming, or when you are active and you're in sports, all of those things. So most of the young girls who ask their moms if they can use tampons, they're dancers, they're flyer and cheer, they're swimming, they're doing all sorts of things, and they just want a different type of protection. Yeah. Equating that, I mean, just erroneously, to sexual activity is so flawed. And when parents tell their daughter, You cannot use this tampon, right, until you were sexually active, and then they see their peer using it, they're like, My mother has lied to me. Right. And by fracturing that trust, right, your kid has is learning, you are teaching them that you are not a reliable source for information. Correct. And so even when you do tell them something, they're fact check checking you with their friend. Because their friend now has been elevated to the accurate and reliable source. Right. Do we want that?

SPEAKER_03 37:51

That's so insane to me, though, that that's still being said. It is.

SPEAKER_00 37:55

And who who knows how their friend learned how to use it, when to use it, whatever, whatever. So now if they're the source and they're just sharing something useful, but a whole bunch of bad information along with it.

SPEAKER_01 38:06

Then what do we do with that? And that's that's my plea to parents. A part of the one of my chapters is called opting out is not an option.

SPEAKER_02 38:13

Right.

SPEAKER_01 38:14

Like you cannot just opt out of this. This is not some elective thing. Because if you leave it out to the world, you're leaving it to chance. Right. To someone who doesn't know your child, who doesn't love your child, who doesn't carry your value, and who doesn't have the right information themselves.

SPEAKER_03 38:27

Come on, somebody. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:28

Right? Why?

SPEAKER_03 38:31

So a lot of your patients are young, younger. But one of the things that Ariel and I were talking about when looking into like periods and just preparing is periods change over a woman's lifetime. So Ariel three years ago had her boys and she was talking about how her period changed after pregnancy. Is that ex that's expected, right? Over your lifetime?

SPEAKER_01 38:50

That can be that can be something that we've seen. It's definitely very common. And most people can feel that their period changes after having their first baby. That's the time we see this the most. Um especially decreasing like pain. Okay. Right. And so I actually had a patient encounter two weeks ago where the mom had very, very bad pain. Her daughter has terrible pain. And she was like, I I told her we typically power through and it gets better after we have a first child. And I was like, My God, on today. Right. What if she doesn't want one? Right. What if she doesn't want to have a child?

SPEAKER_00 39:19

And what if it doesn't? Because mine didn't.

SPEAKER_01 39:21

Also that. And so I try not to say it's an absolute. It is a common thing that we see. There's some studies that truly show it. But there's also some folks whose periods do not improve. They might worsen. So it cannot be an expectation. It's certainly not a fix. And it cannot be something where we just say, wait till your first child, and that's when your pain will be better. My God.

SPEAKER_03 39:41

Because really bad cramps run in our family.

SPEAKER_01 39:44

And that and that also sets it up where the child learns that this is not something to bring up to my doctor because I'm waiting for this resolution, right? That may or may not ever come.

SPEAKER_00 39:55

And I don't know that I was ever properly like diagnosed. Like someone said, Oh, you have endometriosis. You know, I got the oh, you have fibroids, and so that's what makes it more painful for you. And maybe you should get your fibroids removed, and you know, da da da da. My cycle would be so heavy, like blood clots would come out. Like it felt like I was passing a baby. I couldn't wear a pad. I couldn't wear a tampon because it would push the whole tampon out. Okay. I couldn't wear a pad because it wouldn't the pad wouldn't absorb because it was this clot. It was this thing, right? I would be home from school for two days. I would be sitting on newspaper in my bed.

SPEAKER_01 40:33

You know, like that. And what did you think then? Like what was your thought that this is just your burden to bear?

SPEAKER_00 40:40

It was just my burden to bear.

SPEAKER_01 40:41

Isn't that remarkable?

SPEAKER_00 40:42

And then um by the time I got older and this continued to happen, I would have to go and get a B infusion and a blood transfusion.

SPEAKER_01 40:52

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 40:55

Like once a quarter.

SPEAKER_01 40:56

We've normalized some of the most abnormal things about periods.

SPEAKER_00 41:01

And no doctor saying, okay, listen, how how can we address this, treat this, or something? That's just some women just have it that way.

SPEAKER_01 41:08

And I'm like, And so that's what I try to change. And I have moms that come in with that narrative and they're telling their daughter, this is what we deal with. So um another uh patient scenario I had that the mom was like, and grandma had really bad periods too. That's just our family. And I was like, I want to challenge you to consider that maybe you all have undiagnosed endometriosis. Endometriosis is something we do a really poor job of diagnosing because the historically the diagnostic requirement was surgery. Right? So you can see fibroids on an ultrasound. You can't see all types of endometriosis on an ultrasound unless it's like deeply infiltrated or has formed a type of ovarian cyst. And so it's one of those things that requires you to believe patients. Yeah. And when you think about who is the least likely to be believed, black women. They are the youngest, they are the darkest, right? And don't let them be queer or some some sort of gender fluid identity. Those are the ones who are the least likely to be believed. And so part of my narrative is to tell parents there might be validity to what you're going through. You may have suffered unnecessarily. And I'm telling you this so not so that you feel bad, but so that you have the appropriate hope and then advocacy, right? That that's paired with that hope for your daughter.

SPEAKER_00 42:30

And the truth of the matter is I still really don't know that much about endom endometriosis. Thank you. Um, because I was never diagnosed with it. I you know, I just ended up having a hysterectomy.

SPEAKER_01 42:41

Yes, and many people have a hysterectomy and they're like, it's all over, but I don't have the answers. And while that may be better for you symptomatically, it's not necessarily better generationally. Yes. Because we need to be able to pass down our heritage and talk about what we had and what we experienced. Now I always tell parents that just because you have this doesn't mean your daughter's gonna have it. But endometriosis, for example, when there's a first degree relative with it, the increased risk is three to ten times the baseline rate.

SPEAKER_00 43:11

And see, and they're I would never have any conversation with you about that. You didn't know.

SPEAKER_01 43:16

How would you know? And that's what my book is about, right? It is the how would you know guide. Right. How else would you know that endometriosis is a real thing? That endometriosis is something that does exist, and black women get it. When I was in medical school, the patient stems that always led to endometriosis were always young white women. And so I was inadvertently kind of kind of taught that this was a young white woman's disease. But what we've done is realize that black women are less likely to be diagnosed with it. It doesn't mean that we don't have it as there's so much that education can unpack and even make possible if you know that a diagnosis exists that might explain this, that there are treatments. Treatments available and that suffering is not your birthright.

SPEAKER_03 44:04

I'm just waiting to find out what else I don't know. Because I swear the word perimenopause was only introduced to me like two and a half years ago when you brought it up. But I had never even heard of that. Right? Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 44:14

Because it's all shrouded.

SPEAKER_03 44:15

And I'm like, I have something else to look forward to that I've never heard.

SPEAKER_01 44:18

So perimenopause, and of course, you know, you can think about it, peri means like around, and menopause is that transition when we stop having periods. So menopause is defined as going a full year without periods.

SPEAKER_00 44:30

Okay. Um because menopause is technically one day. I didn't know any of that.

SPEAKER_01 44:34

So that's also interesting. Because when you've gone that now you're postmenopause, right? Right.

SPEAKER_00 44:39

You have one day. It's been 12 months. Okay, now you're post. Right.

SPEAKER_01 44:42

And it's like, huh? Post. But that's like postpartum, right? You were pregnant, you're postpartum.

SPEAKER_00 44:47

You know, like. When I talk to people, they're like, oh, you're postmenopausal. I'm like, but that doesn't mean that I don't have all the symptoms. All the things. I still have the hot flashes, the night sweats, the things. Yes. Yes. I am not menopausal, because really, technically, it's one day. But postmenopausal doesn't mean that I don't need, like, okay, you don't have to be addressed anymore.

SPEAKER_01 45:06

Right. It doesn't mean that. And it doesn't mean even the perimenopausal, menopausal, and postmenopausal time period used to be a forgotten time period where women were past their prime.

SPEAKER_00 45:17

Or none talked about one for certain.

SPEAKER_01 45:19

No one talked about it. And so part of this revolution that I hope to see is one where women, people with periods, all of us are valued in every aspect of our life. Like we're all worthy of respect and information and education and and options. And so we should have been talking more about perimenopause, but I think generations didn't talk about it because they just thought it was this thing that was happening to them. Something that if they brought it up with their doctors, they'd be dismissed. Yeah. Or you know, belittled, or whatever. So why would you bring something up? Why would you have conversations about it if you can't change it?

SPEAKER_00 45:52

And if you're you're old and past the childbearing age anyway, so it's not you. They're like, what's it to you? Right. What were you gonna do? Right?

SPEAKER_01 45:58

It's like, well, I just want to feel good. Right. I don't I want to understand my body. So perimenopause is characterized by volatility of the hormones. Yeah. It can feel not dissimilar from puberty. Uh-huh. Because puberty is a crazy hormonal time too. Right? And so you're like, who am I? You can feel like an adolescent again because your period is all over the place. They're your body's changing without your permission. And you feel like you're losing ground, you're losing stability, and you need the same grace.

SPEAKER_00 46:26

You're losing estrogen, you're losing testosterone, you may be losing hair because of it. You're you know what I mean? Like you're you're you're you're losing your patience.

SPEAKER_01 46:34

You're like you're irritable, and you're like moms will be like, I'm irritable, she's irritable. How do we do this? You extend each other grace. Right, right. You model the grace that you are in need of, and that's hard. No one says it's easy. But it I I truly believe that if we can show up in puberty and early periods with compassion and respect and openness and accuracy, it will translate to the other transitions of life pregnancy, perimenopause, postmenopause, all of those things where we need grace to to walk through these time periods where our body is changing without our permission, but in a normal way.

SPEAKER_00 47:09

Do you address hormones at all?

SPEAKER_01 47:10

I I always talk about hormones. So I talk about hormones in my education with my patients because they need to understand that that that luteal phase when that progesterone drops and you're about to start your period and they start to feel irritable and they don't feel like themselves, that there is physiology around that. Right. That there's a name to it, that there's a reasoning behind it that validates it, but also creates a lens with which we can say, is this something that needs treatment? Are we in a place of PMS where maybe need symptomatic improvement? Or have we tipped over to premenstrual dysphoric disorder or PMDD where we need some more aggressive treatment? We need some therapy, we need maybe some antidepressant, we need something to make your life, your quality of life better. But you cannot advocate for improved quality of life if you don't know how to name it, right? If you don't have the language, if you don't feel like this is a valid claim.

SPEAKER_00 48:05

So at my big grown age, and you know, I I went and got HRT, right? And so I was telling people about HRT, and I'm like, oh my God, it saved my life, right? And um, you know, and I I I was talking to a friend and she said, uh, oh my doctor won't give me that. Then you need a new doctor. Like, what do you what do you mean? Okay. Like, right. It's not a fantasy made up something. These things are real.

SPEAKER_01 48:25

These things are real. And I've seen doctors who felt that same way about like contraception for a teen. Just because they of their discomfort or their personal beliefs, withholding appropriate and effective and safe medication from someone who needs it. That's correct. That that person needs a doctor who is going to actually understand them.

SPEAKER_00 48:46

And you have said that you're a woman of faith. So you have you probably have certain beliefs. We're talking medicine.

SPEAKER_01 48:52

Right. Right.

SPEAKER_00 48:54

Right. Versus faith. And and and and yes, they go hand in hand, but if someone tells you they need something, I believe that.

SPEAKER_01 49:02

And even when people try to stand on their faith to suggest that withholding health care, um, all types of health care uh from women and from uh from people who have periods and and give birth based on religious purposes, I I I I really, I really often believe that they are misrepresenting that Bible because they're picking and choosing portions of the Bible to elevate while missing the whole point, especially if they're a person of Christian faith. Because they are not operating like Christ operated. They're not operating like God treated the woman with the issue of blood, who who historically shouldn't have even touched him, but did and was healed, right? And so healing is what I think aligns perfectly with my faith. So my my medicinal approach and my my um method behind the health that I health care that I provide is never in conflict with my faith.

SPEAKER_03 49:54

Nice. So we have healing is the approach, okay of period-related topics via TikTok and the internet. Okay. That you can either tell us this is a myth or just tell us a few words on. Okay. Cycle syncing. Is that a real thing?

SPEAKER_01 50:09

So cycle syncing, some people use this in a variety of terms, but I'm gonna say that your cycle sinks up in proximity. Is that what you're talking about? So if you live in a dorm or your best friend, you're close enough with your best friend, right? Your your peers will start around the same time. That is a myth. And it's one of the more harmless myths. Like, I don't, you know, go off queen. Like, I don't care if you really if you really believe that. But the reason it's a myth is because it's it's something that we we kind of believe because of recall bias. We're more likely to recall when our period did sync up with someone who was close to us and completely dismiss when it didn't. Right. But also, it ain't that many weeks in a month, right? Right. And so if you're bleeding for five to seven days, come on, somebody every month, right?

SPEAKER_03 50:48

We're gonna cross over at some point.

SPEAKER_01 50:50

That's just statistics. Um, but again, I'm not gonna go to bat, you know, or fight for that. I'm like, if you want to believe that, be blessed. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 50:58

Okay. The period scooping.

SPEAKER_01 51:02

Let me tell you something. Um people sent me this, the period scooping stuff. What is that? Period scooping, the idea was that it is removing blood, evacuating blood, in an expedited fashion to get your period to end faster. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 51:17

And how does this process happen? You'll have to watch the TikTok.

SPEAKER_01 51:20

But the idea is, and what you can actually do, and what people were verbalizing, is that they do this like removing blood from the vaginal cavity. You cannot access the uterine cavity, right? There's the uterus, and then the door to the uterus, the opening to the uterus is the cervix. It is closed. Your finger cannot get in there. Okay. And so when people are removing things, they're removing it from the vagina. That is not going to expedite your period in any way, shape, or form.

SPEAKER_00 51:44

Okay, yeah, but right. I'm like, why did I why did anyone think that that made sense? I don't know. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 51:51

Is there a form of birth control that is the best?

SPEAKER_01 51:56

So I would say no. Um and the best, I think that's just too vague. There are forms of birth control with the few with fewer side effects. There are forms that last longer. There are forms that are more effective, there are forms that do not interact with your actual medication or your medical history. And so when we talk about birth control, we talk about it in that context. What is your medical history? What are your risks? What are your desires? When do you want to have a child? How much control do you want to have? What are your goals? Do you have non-contraceptive benefits that you're you are seeking to control and improve? All of that has to be understood to determine which method is best for you. That's why I never say this is the best or everyone needs to be on that. And so when people say that, I want people to question that. Most of the time in medicine, if you are removing context, you are doing people a disservice. And the context around contraception is that patient and all of those factors I listed.

SPEAKER_00 52:54

When you were a teenager, there was something that came out. It was a HPV, and people started getting vaccinated for that. And that was like in my time, there was no HPV. Are you is that necessary?

SPEAKER_01 53:06

So in your time, there was HPV, human papillomavirus. There just wasn't a vaccine. Right, right. We don't have a niche part of the vaccine, yes. We didn't know. So what we learned is that 99% of cervical cancer is caused by HPV.

SPEAKER_04 53:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 53:20

So that's why they created a vaccine against it in an effort to improve cervical cancer outcomes. It is not that wild of a concept, right? But parents started feeling really hesitant about it because it's a vaccine that's related to something that is acquired sexually. Most of our other vaccines are given without thoughts about how things are acquired. I still have parents who are like, well, she's gonna have to decide about that if she wants that HPV vaccine because I don't want to get it in her think she thinks that this is appropriate. I was like, well, when you gave her the tetanus vaccine, did she start playing with rusty nails? I really don't do that. Like they don't, kids don't take the indication for something and then start to test it.

SPEAKER_00 53:58

So as a parent, I was hesitant because I'm like, What is right, because it's new.

SPEAKER_01 54:04

I think hesitation around things that are new is appropriate. Now it's been around longer than the iPhone, right? Yes, yes, it's been around for a really long time with really great studies, and we know that it is decreasing the incidence of cervical cancer with a really great safety profile.

SPEAKER_00 54:18

Okay, so it's common because I you did have it, right? You did get the vaccine. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 54:22

And I did too. So it's very common and it is standard of care today. Okay. So it's changed, things change, and we also don't do um pap smears until 21 anymore. I I tell I tell somebody that every day, and they look at me. Yes. Parents bring their daughters in at 16, 17, like, she needs a pap smear. I'm like, no, she doesn't. Yeah. And then we talk about it. Because when you learn more about a disease, one would hope, right? Yeah. One would hope. Right? Science is constantly evolving. So if you think about how technology has changed in the last 30 years, that's what most parents are referencing as their reference point. 20 or 30 years ago, when they were that age, okay, things have changed.

SPEAKER_00 55:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 55:03

And for the better.

SPEAKER_00 55:04

You know, and and and the truth is when you don't have someone going through those cycles of life, you don't even know that. Why would you until I sit next to you?

SPEAKER_01 55:11

Exactly. And so I never feel bad about it. I never make them feel bad about it. I say, oh, this is so exciting. I'm so excited to tell you that because science has advanced, your daughter doesn't have to have that. And it's not that we are are somehow harming her. We actually have a better understanding of the natural progression of cervical cancer. And if we tested her today, it wouldn't be useful. Right. Isn't that fun? So you don't have to have this pelvic exam that you were afraid about, right?

SPEAKER_03 55:36

Okay, our last myth. Is there an actual healthy way to skip a period? People are trying to skip periods.

SPEAKER_01 55:42

Yes. I skip periods all throughout college. Really? Yes. The healthy way is going to be by use of hormones. Right? So if hormones are what signal your period to come and go, right? Then by using hormones, that's how we skip periods. I've never done that. I it is my favorite game. Right. So when you think about like actual physiology and just the cycle of your period, and I tell this to my patients, estrogen increases at the beginning, and that thickens the lining, and I always tell because they're typically younger, and it makes that lining nice and fluffy. So there's a good place for an egg to land. Okay. At that same time, your ovary is growing a follicle, which is something that it grows around an egg in order to release it. Because we don't make new eggs, we're born with all of the eggs we ever have. So we're just kind of getting them out of storage. And so once that egg is released, that's ovulation. That's like the halftime point of your entire period or of your menstrual cycle. After that, progesterone increases. Progesterone is another important hormone. And it's really critical for pregnancy. If pregnancy happens, progesterone stays elevated. Progesterone keeps that cervix nice and strong. I had to take progesterone to strengthen my cervix during my pregnancy so I wouldn't have my baby too early. Right? But if pregnancy doesn't happen, progesterone drops, and it is the withdrawal of progesterone that triggers the period. Okay. So if I can give you progesterone consistently and not withdraw it, you won't have a bleed. And that is how you skip your period.

SPEAKER_00 57:11

Okay, so is it safe to do more than once a year, twice a year, all the time?

SPEAKER_01 57:16

As long as your body will let you. And so I've skipped a period for over a year with um the progesterone or the levernogesteral IUD. Uh you can skip periods for years because progesterone is being given to that lining, keeping the lining thin, and you're not withdrawing. So that's how an IUD works. Isn't that fun? That's how the hormonal IUD works. There's also a copper IUD that's not hormonal.

SPEAKER_03 57:37

Right. Okay. Oh my gosh, I feel like I just learned all the things I'm learning today.

SPEAKER_01 57:42

And then you make better choices when you understand.

unknown 57:45

It's better.

SPEAKER_00 57:46

Listen, because I take progesterone for menopause. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 57:49

Progesterone protects the lining. So you cannot give unopposed estrogen to the lining or the lining will grow. It'll grow unchecked. And so when anything grows unchecked, there's a risk of overgrowth or cancer. Cancer. So if you give estrogen to someone who has a uterus and they give it without having some opposition of progesterone, then that's a risk. And so when you understand the roles they play, HRT makes sense. Skipping periods makes sense. All of that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 58:16

And I and I have a testosterone cream.

SPEAKER_01 58:18

Also that. Because women have testosterone and it matters.

SPEAKER_03 58:22

Yes. So Dr. Shores has hundreds of comments under her videos asking about the hair. And since we've got her cornered, I will do you all the favor of getting some details about this gorgeous, fabulous hair. I'm looking at it in real life, and when I tell you there's not a single strand out of place. It's shiny, it's healthy, it's luscious. So we need to hear about it.

SPEAKER_01 58:44

Oh gosh. It's so funny because hair has always been like a hobby of mine. And you know how hobbies are born from a variety of things inspiration or lack of finances. Okay, thank you.

unknown 58:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 58:55

So when I was in college, you can't be paying to, you know, even at that time it was like $70 for a silk press. With whose dollars? I'm not doing that. So I learned how to do my own hair. I would also do hair in my dorm, sometimes doing other girls' hair, just like flat iron it. Straightening me. That's the whole thing. Um, and so that's how I learned. But I don't do much. I can do a twist out, I can do a braid out, and I can straighten my hair. That's it. I'm also a part of the little secret society of black women that can't come around. So it's just like, I know, I know. No judgment. I mean so I can't really be like, yeah, yeah, I know what's going on.

SPEAKER_03 59:29

That's not like I'm gonna get you a sign. Right.

SPEAKER_01 59:31

Let me help you out. You don't know what you need. Um, but I don't do anything terribly special. Obviously, at night I protect my hair, put a little silk, satin, scarf, something or another. I never go to sleep with my hair just out. Yeah. Um, and then I try not to use too much heat. But I fear how often do you straighten it?

SPEAKER_03 59:47

Because in on your videos, it's like perfectly beautifully straight every time.

SPEAKER_01 59:50

I would say like every one to two weeks. Okay. Nothing crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:55

I was the official hairstylist at Spelman too.

SPEAKER_01 59:57

You were. Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_00 59:59

I really, really was. Yes. And it's fun. I mean, it's also lucrative. Listen, that was my weekend money. Whatever dorm I lived in, right in the basement.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:12

I was in the ground floor of HH just straightening hair. Sometimes I was paid in a variety of things, like ramen noodle packets, like you know, just get what you need. You gotta barter some. Yeah. Also thank you.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:22

Dr. Shars, please give the book one more shout-out before we sign off so people know where to find it.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:27

So my book is The Period in Puberty Parenting Revolution. You can buy it wherever books are sold. And if you do, please give a review. Please share with a friend. I want everyone to be a part of this revolution because it matters. Um, and I believe that all of us are capable of making great change. Awesome. Awesome.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:44

Well, thank you, Dr. Shores, for coming and joining us today. You guys are awesome. I definitely feel better for the conversation. I'm like, I learned something. Yes, I learned something. You did. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:56

Awesome.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:56

Well, thank you guys for watching. And like I said before, if you're not subscribed to us here on YouTube, please subscribe. We're also on Apple Music, Amazon, and Spotify. And this is between mothers and daughters.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:07

Bye.