Bloom Bright with Kelly
Bloom Bright with Kelly is the podcast that inspires women to rise, evolve, and shine in every season of life. Host Kelly Clifford shares honest conversations, personal growth tools, and meaningful stories that help you step confidently into who you were meant to be. From mindset and wellness to motherhood, friendships, and finding your purpose, Bloom Bright is your weekly reminder that it’s never too late to grow. Join Kelly as she guides you to bloom boldly, live intentionally, and create a life that feels like you.
Bloom Bright with Kelly
Perimenopause Unfiltered: Myths, Symptoms & Redefining Midlife with Carmen Rivero
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In this episode, I sit down with Carmen Rivero, founder of People Living Healthy and a certified menopause specialist coach, to have a real, honest conversation about what’s actually going on during perimenopause. We’re breaking down the biggest myths, talking through the symptoms no one warns you about—from brain fog and anxiety to sleep and weight changes—and sharing what truly helps when it comes to feeling like yourself again.
Carmen brings a unique perspective after spending over 20 years living an active, adventurous life in Southern Spain before returning to the Midwest and stepping into her “third chapter.” Together, we talk about how midlife isn’t something to dread—it’s an opportunity to reset, refocus, and redefine what you want moving forward.
We also dive into manifesting your vision in midlife and why this phase of life can be one of the most powerful yet.
This is Bloom Bright with Kelly. Real talk, real growth, real glow, inspiring you to bloom into your brightest self one conversation at a time. Welcome, Bloombrite listeners. Today I'm so excited to welcome Carmen Rivero to the podcast. Carmen is the founder of PeopleLivingHealthy.com, a certified menopause specialist coach and a woman who truly embodies living an active, adventurous, and intentional life, especially in midlife. Carmen grew up in Illinois, graduated from Arizona State University, and then did what so many of us dream about. She moved to southern Spain, where she spent more than two decades fully immersing herself in the food, the culture, the people, and the outdoors. From rock climbing and trail running to open water swimming, hiking, and long walks through the stunning landscapes of Granada, movement has always been a huge part of her life. She's traveled across continents, lived abroad for over 20 years, and now finds herself navigating a new chapter, returning to the Midwest, processing reverse culture shock, integrating all the wisdom she gained abroad, and doing it all while staying healthy, active, and sane through perimenopause. No small feat. Her approach to wellness is realistic, joyful, and grounded in life experience. Today we're going to talk about perimenopause, myths, facts, and that women and what women really need to know. And we'll also dive into manifesting your vision in midlife and why this chapter can actually be one of the most powerful yet. So without further ado, I would love to welcome Carvin. Carvin, welcome.
SPEAKER_00Hi, Kelly. Thank you. Thanks for such a nice introduction. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_01Well, it's all true. Yeah. Nice to hear though. Oh my gosh. Well, and I um also, you know, not nearly as long as you, but I had the experience of studying abroad um when I was in college in Spain. And it is just such a beautiful country. It is. Yeah. So, so, so much. Um, just amazing culture, amazing people. I second everything you said in the or that I said about you in the intro. Okay, so let's dive right in. Let's find out about how you became so in love with the outdoors, with sports, with movement, being active. Tell me what uh sparked that in you.
SPEAKER_00So I think that um sports has always been a part of my life. Um, since I was little, I competed. I competed in gymnastics. And um, so I've always been just doing sports, very active. My mom says I popped out like a little muscle and was just dancing all over. And we moved out to Arizona and when I was in college and going from the Midwest and practicing a lot of sports, either crummy weather or in humid summers or cold winters, to being in Phoenix, Arizona, or later on in two, uh in Tempe, to being outside and outdoors and just loving being outside and just the energy that nature gives you. It's not the same as just, you know, being somewhere in the sun coming out. It's like running, hiking, biking in a beautiful setting. So I think that's kind of where my love for sports and outdoor sports started. And then the competitive nature was just always there. I loved mountain biking and competing and doing adventure sports. And then when I moved to Spain, um, I started doing just that. So kind of started early and um kind of accompanied me through my whole life. And I still do it now at a different level, but it's still there.
SPEAKER_01No, I mean, whenever I spend time with you, you do. You love and golfing now and um pickleball and all everything. I feel like you're always willing to jump into a new activity that's movement-based. So, what brought you to moving to Spain? Like, what was your decision making and how did you get there?
SPEAKER_00Right. So, like I think most people that move abroad, it's through a um study abroad program. And I went first to kind of like northern Spain and I loved it. And then I went down south to travel and I fell in love with the south. I fell in love with the people, I fell in love with the beaches, the mountains. It had it all food, everything, and just their way of life. You know, it's a slower way of life. It just seems it's more simple and easier, and the little things are what kind of matters there. And it are, you know, it's not so much like as we would say they work to live, not like here where we live to work. So it's a different focus and a different mentality. And so when I came home after that trip, I did not unpack my bags. I was like, I don't know. I was like, and I was only a sophomore in college. And I was like, at that time we were living in Illinois, and I said, I'm not, I'm going back to Spain. And then in the meantime, they moved out to Arizona. I moved out, I stayed for a year, I got in state there, started going back to school, but always with the thought of how can I get back to Spain? And so I looked into another study abroad program, and just I wanted to go to Seville, and my program at ASU only had a study abroad program in Granada. And I was kind of like, oh, okay. And I went and I loved it. I'm so glad. I mean, Granada, if you don't know anything about it, it's southern Spain, it's right at the foothills of the Sierra Nevadas, and it's about 30 minutes from the beach. So it's just ideal.
SPEAKER_01And so you then ended up doing their study abroad program in Granada. Then did you just move there after study abroad?
SPEAKER_00Right. So I was there for a year and then I came back. I had one more year before I graduated. So I finished college and then I went back.
SPEAKER_01Wow. Yeah. And then did you move back to Granada? Is that where you stayed? Wow, that's amazing. And then the rest is history. That's right. Oh my goodness. Okay. So then at what point did wellness go from being personal, you know, to becoming something you wanted to share and then eventually sharing through the people living healthy?
SPEAKER_00So I feel like I'm like a constant student. Like I'm always taking classes, doing courses. And as I was, you know, doing these sports, when I competed in gymnastics, we always had to do stretching and ballet and things to actually, you know, complement all that physical activity we were doing. And so from there, later on, I started doing yoga on my own. Uh, I was going to studios, picking up classes here and there. And I just really loved it. It's it's kind of, I have this like really, I'm very um active, as you can. You are. You're always moving. So it's kind of hard for me to come down. And initially I started yoga and looking at maybe things more like um just meditation, something to kind of bring me down a little bit to help with that. And then I decided to do a yoga teacher training for myself, not to teach. And it just blew my mind because I learned the spiritual part of yoga. I just learned a lot of different aspects about yoga, the history, you know, the story behind it. It wasn't just asanas or movements, you know, there's a lot behind it. And so uh I just felt like right there and then I learned something that I wanted to share with others. And so I started giving free classes in a park by me in southern Spain in the summertime. And then one of the uh a girl I met who was opening a studio kind of picked me up and I started teaching there. And then from there, transitioning back here. So I practiced yoga, I taught classes, COVID happened. I didn't like going online, and so I taught a few classes online, but it wasn't my thing. And from there, I just kept, you know, moving on, taking classes, doing stuff, furthering my education through yoga and wellness and different styles. And then recently, when I came back to the US and started realizing that some of the symptoms I was having before were probably menopausal, I looked into getting my certification in um as a um menopause specialist coach. And once again, I found myself discovering all this knowledge in these tools. And I thought I can't just keep this for myself. So once again, I had to share it. So that's kind of how I guess I find like I acquire this information, this knowledge, and I'm like, I can't keep this. Everyone needs to know because it's so helpful, right?
SPEAKER_01I mean, well, that's why I, in essence, started this podcast because there's so much I want to know, and then I want to interview the people that are the experts. So, and I and I have, you know, spent so much time with you, my husband Kevin and your boyfriend Dan, our best friends. Dan was the best man at our wedding. And so that's how I got to know you and spend time with you. And every time I'm with you, you are a wealth of knowledge in in really all of the topics that I am trying to learn about, mainly right now, perimenopause. And so when you, you know, shared with me that, you know, this was a passion of yours to educate women on this particular topic and that you were certified, I just was like, Wolf, Carmen, you have to come on podcast and share all this with us. Okay, so let's get into it then. Let's talk perimenopause. When did you personally realize, oh, this is happening? What, you know, what was your aha moment with some of this?
SPEAKER_00Right. So I think it was just kind of more recent than even though now looking back, I would say that my symptoms started already in my 40s. So I'm I just turned 50, well, last year, so um in July. And so I think they started even maybe a little bit before because I was like sweating through the night. I was then living by myself. I would have to get up, change my pajamas, and then like move to the other side of the bed because it was so soaked. And I didn't know what was going on. At that time, I had lost a lot of weight. There was a lot of things going on. I was having headaches through the night. And I was going to my doctor in Spain and they were just kind of like, you know, brushing it off, like taking tests and saying everything was normal, that there was nothing going on. And then fast forward until so that was like in my early 40s. So early, so you would say maybe 42, 43. Early 40s. My sleep was very disrupted. I had insomnia quite, you know, I was suffering from insomnia already, but it got really bad. Um, so there's a lot of things that were going on already in my very early at the start of my 40s. And then probably around 45, it like all kind of switched. And I was coming back more and more to the US. I wanted to be closer to my family here. And I started noticing a different set of symptoms. Symptoms that they say are silent symptoms because they're not kind of like things that affect other parts of like waking up in the middle of the night or sweating where it's like obviously outwardly or gaining weight. I had a lot of what they call GSM, which is genital urinary symptoms that help happen all in like your um pelvic area. So mine was like this itchy, burning discomfort in my uh vaginal and anal area. And it was very uncomfortable. And it's you can only imagine how embarrassing that is. Of course, yes. And I found myself going to, you know, the expert Dr. Google at two in the morning, like, why is my why is my you know, vagina and butt burning? Like, I mean, it was so embarrassing. And then who can you go and talk to about that? Right. But I had to because I didn't know what was going on. And it was disrupting your life. Yes, yeah, yes. And so I started, I was back in the US and I started going to because I didn't have healthcare here. I was still officially living in Spain. Um, I was going to clinics, and every person, even my doctor in Spain, were women. And every person I went to, every test they ran, I mean, I I I had tests for everything. Everything came back normal or negative. And it was just like, you know, you're young, you're healthy, nothing's coming up. But at the same time, they were treating me because of my symptoms, they were treating me for like um a yeast infection.
SPEAKER_01Which I was just gonna say, like a urinary tract, yeast infection, something like that.
SPEAKER_00So a pretty harsh, you know, yeah, those antibiotics are intense. They knock everything else out. So my immune system was pretty much just cashed. And I was just, you know, going through a really hard time because it was like cycle after cycle.
SPEAKER_01Well, and it didn't stop. So you kept trying to find new probably medicines for you. Yeah, that's awful.
SPEAKER_00And none of those women, those doctors, ever said that it could have been hormonal. And that was really frustrating for me because when someone tells you you're normal, you're fine, but you don't feel normal, it doesn't validate what you're feeling. It's probably infuriating. It is. Yeah. Yeah. So that was kind of up until the last like three years. And then I finally went to a nurse practitioner who saw me one day, and she said I had um lychin sclerosis, which I didn't know what that was, but she said it's like a thinning and um a drying of the skin around the vagina, and that's what makes it like itchy and and kind of that burning sensation. And she gave me a topical steroid, and that kind of helped it. And then she told me to take baths with baking soda. So I would just sit in like a few inches of water and take a bath with baking soda, and I would use this topical steroid. And it helped, but it didn't go away. And that was still frustrating for me because I was like, okay, this is better, but do I have to live with it? Of course not. Yeah, you want to find a solution, right? And so I Googled it and I kept Googling it. And it I just went down this rabbit hole until I found a whole like it was a forum basically, or like a thread of women talking about GSM and this lychen sclerosis and what they and that it was hormonal. And I was like, well, that makes sense. And so I at that point I had already started looking into a certification course for menopause because I knew I was going through it. I knew it could have had that could have been a symptom or the other things that I was experiencing, like I was experiencing headaches and things. So that's when I actually looked into my certification course. I started it, and it took me about almost a year to complete. And I was so afraid of like what I would find. I was kind of terrified of like maybe I have something. But what I found and what I learned was like so eye-opening, and it just put me at ease because I realized that yes, I am normal, and that everything that's happening to me is just because I'm going through perimenopause. And these are the symptoms. And it's not like I have anything greater than that, you know, or anything more serious than that.
SPEAKER_01Well, you know what's so interesting? It's that it and you had certain symptoms, obviously, that was, you know, unique to your body. And I would say that I, you know, for I would say now I'm on hormones and now I've gotten supplements and, you know, kind of had an eye-opening, you know, after talking to you, after talking to other people and realizing that I was in perimenopause. But I would say before I could name it, before I knew I was in perimenopause, I was so anxious. I would say that was probably my biggest symptom that I would say a year ago, it was some days it was just so debilitating, but no one ever told me that anxiety and perimenopause are so common, you know, and this brain fog. I mean, I am being honest with you, I thought I might have early signs of dementia. I mean, I could not find the word in my head. Or sometimes people would be coming to me and I'd be by my friend and I'm thinking, I have to introduce this person. And it just the name or the or a word or something I'm trying to tell my kids, I couldn't come to it in my head. And it scared me. But I'd say the worst thing for me was the anxiety. I mean, it was, it's so much better now. I'm on supplements, I'm on some hormones, and I'm, you know, treating, you know, um, you know, my hormonal issues. Or and just to mainly say I have perimenopause, I think that it's just was so hard for me because it just creeps up. Like it, my symptoms creeped up, and then out of nowhere, I'm in this. And honestly, it was terrifying because I was thinking, how am I gonna live? I mean, I the anxiety, it was really, really scary. So, you know, I guess we both have different symptoms, but you know, it's just a real thing. For all the listeners that are listening, if you're thinking something is amiss, this and you're in this age category and different symptoms, it could be perimenopause.
SPEAKER_00That's why it's so difficult at this uh stage in our lives to distinguish if it's like symptoms of perimenopause or if it's just natural aging. And that's why a lot of women at first, especially when they think, oh, I'm too young for this, and they dismiss it, or they're told by their doctors that you're too young, and they dismiss it, and then they don't like look for maybe a possible treatment or something to support, for example, their hormones and kind of ease through this transition of perimenopause into menopause.
SPEAKER_01Well, and I think the other thing too, that for a while, you know, maybe maybe my mom's age, your mom's age, people were told not to take these uh hormones because it could cause cancer or they there were all these myths about that. And so I think now that has to be, you know, obviously demythed or whatever you would say, and let people know that there's so much out there for them. Okay, so I'm definitely not the expert. So let's start, just let's start with the basics. What is perimenopause?
SPEAKER_00It's a transition, you know, into menopause and then later on to postmenopause. So it's the start of that. It starts with our hormones starting to fluctuate. Our hormones always are fluctuating, but they start to decline or they're just kind of all over the place. So they're fluctuating even more than they normally would. Um, so those are what is causing our symptoms during perimenopause are these fluctuating and like declining hormones. And we don't realize it because we always talk about estrogen, progesterone, and um testosterone as being our the hormones that are suffering or are declining or fluctuating. But there's a lot of other like key hormones that play a part, like probably your anxiety was probably caused by like a spike in your cortisol, you know, and that is caused by the lowering of progester or of estrogen, or maybe by not sleeping properly. So these are things that there's a lot, it's a much bigger picture that we don't really understand at the beginning because we think, oh, it's just because, you know, I'm getting older, I'm moving through, you know, this time of life. And then because a lot of other things are also happening. Women in their 40s, a lot of them are maybe gonna become empty nesters soon. Maybe their, you know, their role and their job has changed because they've become, you know, they've been, I guess, promoted into like a higher level because they've been in their job for many years, or they're no longer working, or they're taking care of elderly parents.
SPEAKER_01Well, you're absolutely right because you're already thinking, well, my anxiety, I have a lot to be anxious about. You know, I mean, my teenagers, you know, I love them to death, but just dealing with teenagers creates the anxiety. So that's exactly right. I just thought that I just had more anxiety than, but it was different. But there was something that was just nagging in me that was saying, this is different. This is not you, Kelly. And I guess that's when, you know, there's a difference and you take action. Right. So then to just clarify, how early can, you mean you said early 40s, but I mean, are people at 40 at feeling these symptoms? Or how does it ramp up or what? Just give us general.
SPEAKER_00So the average age is about 45 to 52. Okay. Um, that a woman will go through menopause. And so let me just clarify because there's, like I said, there's pre-menopause.
SPEAKER_01Yes, explain the difference between the three. I was just gonna ask that.
SPEAKER_00So anything before perimenopause is is premenopausal. Anything before that. So then it's you come into perimenopause where you start noticing the symptoms and your declining hormones or more fluctuating hormones. And then the day after you have not had a menstrual cycle for 12 months. 12 months. That one day, that one day is menopause. Wow. So menopause is actually one day. Everything after that day is postmenopause. So a woman will spend a third of her life in this menopause transition from perimenopause to postmenopause, which is why it's so important that we learn how to support our hormones and that we learn how to actually ease this transition because for a lot of women, they can suffer symptoms from two years to five years to 20 years.
SPEAKER_01Well, this is eye-opening. Listeners, let me repeat, a third of your life can be spent in this type of transition mode. You know, so you really do have to pay attention. You have to figure out what you need in your body. Wow. Okay. And so and menopause is only one day. So and it's 12 months. So you have to have no period for 12 months.
SPEAKER_00Right. So that is one of the things I will, and maybe we'll get into this in a little bit more depth, but which is why I think it's so important for us to know and to track our menstrual cycles. You can do it on an app, on a calendar, or whatever, because that way we really know like what's going on. Because sometimes I asked my mom recently and a friend of hers, like, when did you go through menopause? And her friend was like, I don't know. Like, I can tell you like my whole month what it looks like. I'm tracking all the time. Okay, so no, that's good.
SPEAKER_01So I use the aura ring. So for me, it's a pretty good um gauge of you know where I can track my period and all the different things. But what are you using? I mean, what did you use to track?
SPEAKER_00Well, I have an app.
SPEAKER_01Okay, what's your app?
SPEAKER_00Right. I have an app. It's like a woman's health app. It's a free app. Okay. Um, I can send it to you if you want to put it on there, but it's a free app. Because on that app, and I think a lot of apps now do this, you can put in your symptoms. So it's not just tracking, I started my period today, which I mean I hope that if not everyone knows, the day you actually bleed, have your period is the first day of your period. Yes. I did know that. Yes. Um, so it's not just tracking your like it started, it ended, you know, like to figure out ovulation, which is what used to happen. That's how women would figure out their kind of their cycle. It's to track your symptoms. So, like every single day, I journal. And so either I'll write on a calendar or in my journal if I don't have time, like headache through the night, night sweats. Because later on, when I go to my doctor, I have like, listen, at the beginning of my cycle, I'm having headaches, I'm having night sweats at the end of my cycle. I'm weepy, I have breath tenderness. So it's not just tracking your start and end of your cycle. So it's tracking the symptoms. Okay.
SPEAKER_01So in this app, which we're gonna have a link to, um, you can write all the symptoms. Okay, because that's key for me. I think that would be huge, especially even for myself, you know how I am each month for myself and for my family. Oh gosh. There's been days where I have just felt so bad. And I would say for me, it was that 44 to 45 year. And that where I would just tell Kevin, I'm just going to go upstairs because I just feel like my mood, there's nothing I can contribute. Like I have nothing to give, and it's only going to take everyone in a downer. And I'm going to say mean things that I don't mean. So I'm going to go upstairs and watch Netflix and just try and decompress. Okay. So what would you say, you know, just in general are the biggest myths, you know, women are believing about perimenopause?
SPEAKER_00So the I'm too young. That's huge. You know, that's huge because not only do women feel like I'm too young, but then they're being told by their doctors because their doctors, up until now, don't have the education in the whole uh menopause about menopause. Did they want to prescribe anything for it? And so they were being told that you're too young, you're still bleeding, you can't be in menopause or perimenopause.
SPEAKER_01Well, and I think now, thanks to conversations like this, people are talking more about it, you know, and hopefully everyone's getting the word out that this perimenopause comes with all of these symptoms and that people can then, you know, find ways to, you know, regulate their body. At least that's what helped me. Someone started saying the word, and I'm thinking, saying the word, saying the word, wow, I think I am like really in the middle of all this. And it just, it was like a you know, a light bulb went off. So are there symptoms that surprise women the most when they learn they're hormone related in your case? Have you heard, you know, there's certain symptoms? Like, I mean, obviously, I think your symptoms could easily have been mistaken. I was thinking when you were saying them initially, like yeast infection, urinary tract infection, all that kind of stuff. Is there anything else that really surprises women when you talk to them?
SPEAKER_00Oh, there's so many symptoms. I mean, there's so many like uh women have achy joints, uh, frozen shoulder is a common like thing that women get when they are perimenopausal. Itchy, dry skin, like I was saying, a drop in your libido and your sex drive. We tend to notice that we might have, like I just said, itchy, dry skin. So things are drying out. So dry eye, tinnitus, so you're ringing in your ear, you can lose um bone and muscle mass and bone density. So a loss of a tooth. I mean, there are so many things that are so many things aside from everything else, like the brain fog, the sleep disturbances, the weight gain, maybe like you just said, the up and down with anxiety moods. There's so many things.
SPEAKER_01No, it's crazy how you know, many symptoms there are. It does seem, have you noticed that I mean, like you and I seem to have a few similar symptoms, but also very different symptoms. So would you say women really do range? Like each woman is a completely different set of circumstances.
SPEAKER_00Every woman is different. There are some women who probably lucky them like sail through the menopause transition, and there are other women who are greatly disturbed by the symptoms they have. And every woman is different. And there's some factors that determine what type of, you know, transition we'll have through menopause, you know, like genetics and our overall health. And um, if we were on birth control, substance abuse, and I don't mean substance abuse like heroin, I mean like alcohol and smoking. So there are factors that will influence our transition through this time. And so every woman is going to have a different experience. And just because someone is healthy and, you know, takes care of themselves doesn't mean they can yoga and journal their ways through, you know, perimenopause, you know?
SPEAKER_01No, but I think that that's a really good point. That if there are some people, like some people just don't want to take any type of medication or even if it's hormones, you know, they're leery of all that kind of stuff. But you're saying that sometimes you just gotta do it. I mean, to regulate, you know, what you got going on.
SPEAKER_00Originally, that's kind of how I was. Because I think I'm like um, I'm just gonna muscle through everything. That's just my, you know, who I am, my personality. But when I realized that there were things that were so disruptive for me and making my life very uncomfortable, and the whole what you just said that um maybe your mom or my mom went through a time where, you know, it was dangerous to take hormones. In fact, the actual problem was in 1990 there was a study that was put into effect, which was the Women's Health Initiative. And in 2002, they cut it short because they had reached their safety uh guideline. I think I can't remember the percentage of women that were having um cancer, breast cancer. And so it later on, now further going back and studying it and looking at it, it's been debunked because it was the wrong. Women were too old. If they had very like um bad symptoms or kind of, you know, um more symptoms, they weren't even included in the study. So it wasn't even like pretty much, and the results weren't what they're finding now. All the studies and everything else is showing that it's much more beneficial to actually start some kind of hormone therapy to support our declining hormones within 10 years, if not before, of an actual menopause. So I'm not gonna say starting earlier is better, but starting earlier will not hurt you. Estrogen is like a shield, like a barrier. And it's so it protects us from everything. So as our estrogen declines, we are at risk of a lot more diseases and illnesses like cardiovascular illnesses, so strokes and heart attacks, um, metabolic illnesses. I mean, there's a whole like we have a lot more gut issues. We have over 400 estrogen receptors in our body. Wow. And that's just estrogen. Like I said, there's a lot of hormones that that like, you know, have a big role.
SPEAKER_01Well, progesterone made a huge impact for me. Right. I mean, it helped my sleeping, it helped my night sweats, it helped my anxiety. Um, that's been mine. And I, when you say, you know, genetics, when I was um going through IVF with Caroline, we found out I was extremely deficient in progesterone. So genetically, I just always have very, very low progesterone. With, and then once we realized this with Caroline and with William, I had to do progesterone shots. I couldn't even do it orally. Like that's how like lacking I was. So it just shocked me that when I start with this perimenopause, I don't think to myself, it took a nurse practitioner to say to me, duh, you know, you've oh, really, you've always looked at my medical history. Oh, you've always been extremely deficient in progesterone. I'm sure that could be part of your issue. And so that was um helpful. So you so you're just the when it comes to these hormones, you want women to advocate to their doctors and advocate for themselves. And you're saying, go for it and figure out what works for you.
SPEAKER_00That is key. And that's why, once again, I'll say it about the journaling is take the time to get to know yourself, how to get to know yourself. You write things down, you it only takes a moment. And then with that information, maybe after journaling about your symptoms or writing them down for about two to three months, you can take that information and go to your doctor. And you can have a conversation with your doctor. And if you feel like, because here's another myth: there is no test for perimenopause. So all the blood, the saliva, the urine test, because our hormones are fluctuating constantly. Constantly. So every time we get a blood test, it's like taking a picture, it's like a flash, just a moment in that day. And so your symptoms and how you feel, that is real. The test is just a snapshot.
SPEAKER_01And you can't just say, oh, on day one of my periods, this is how I felt. To your point, you got to really dive into the whole month of the symptoms and how they're changing throughout your cycle. That month. Right. No, that's key. No, that's journaling symptoms is that. I mean, I'm glad you mentioned that because that's something I should definitely start doing. That's key. So you we mentioned, you know, we talked about perimenopause and obviously the things we can do regarding hormones and hormone replacement and different things like that. But at the end of the day, there's also a lot that's just lifestyle changes and, you know, the stuff that's not fun. I mean, a lot of this is hard for me, the consistent being as healthy as possible. And you are such a role model in that. Every time I'm around you, just your movement and your health, and you're just, you know, you're just so inspiring when it comes to this topic. So, what are some foundational lifestyle changes that can actually make a difference? Like what are your tips? Just lay it all out here for us.
SPEAKER_00Right. So there's everything kind of plays off of everything else. It's kind of like like you just said, with a good foundation, a strong foundation. So, in my opinion, that's understanding what's happening, acquiring the knowledge, getting to know yourself, understanding what's happening. And then once you understand what's happening, building on top of that. And how do you build on top of that? So I would say nutrition, but if we are tired, for example, and we just don't have the motivation to cook, then we won't make it a nutritious meal. We won't cook. We'll just grab something out. So I think it really comes down to trying to have um a good sleep kind of like habit and hygiene and trying to better that, having quality sleep. It doesn't matter if you're not sleeping for eight hours, but if you're sleeping for six, at least it's quality sleep. So really try to prepare yourself for bed, shut out the noise, turn down the lights, turn off the screens, disconnect, don't let yourself like, you know, get on your devices, don't make it the first thing out of bed and the last thing at night. You know, turn the temperature down in your room if you're experiencing night sweats, for example, wear comfortable clothing. You can do something that, you know, really prepares you for bed. Like if you want to relax, take a nice hot shower, maybe before bed, or or read something that soothes you or write something down that you want to get out, but that you can leave until the next day just to prepare yourself. So I think really trying to get your sleep under control and having quality sleep is very important because you can't move for your day if you haven't slept.
SPEAKER_01I'm sitting here smiling at Carmen because it is so true. I mean, when I have a good night's sleep, and I am someone that is my entire life I've struggled with sleep. Even when I was a little kid, I never wanted to go to the sleepover because I was the one at 4 a.m. stand sitting in my, you know, sleeping bag, wide awake, and we had no devices or anything to entertain us at that time. But it's a game changer. You're absolutely right. I mean, 100%. Just gosh, it's just sometimes it's just so obvious, right?
SPEAKER_00It is, but it is one of the hardest.
SPEAKER_01Very hard. Yeah, I agree.
SPEAKER_00So I would say, you know, sleep and then nutrition, obviously, eating healthy. And I know it's hard. It's hard for all of us. Um, I go by an 80-20 rule, holidays, maybe even during the summer, 70-30. You know, you give yourself some grace, right? And then also movement. Movement is so important. And it's important to start now because later on, when we're post-menopausal, like I said, we are rapidly losing like muscle and bone density. And so by losing that muscle mass, if we haven't built that up and like really worked on that beforehand, we have a feet ahead of us, like a real task. But it's not too late. You know, we can start now and we can slowly kind of work into that. So movement, you know, and I'm not talking, you don't have to go to the gym and like, you know, strap on the weight belt and start living heavy. You know, there's other things that you can do, but you do have to move.
SPEAKER_01So then would you say someone like me, I really do not like to exercise. I love to walk. Kevin and I love our walks. I love walking, but ever since I was, you know, younger, I would do those pageants. And I, you know, I had to work out, I had to lift weights, but there was no joy for me. I've never been to someone that really enjoys playing sports. What would you say for someone like me that just feels overwhelmed with like the strength training and all of that, just simple starting points for someone?
SPEAKER_00Right. I would say start with like things that you do like to do and make maybe make a list of them and start looking at like how much time can I dedicate, like what I actually like to do. So you like walks, walks are great. I mean, that's awesome because it gets you outside, it gets you moving, it gets you kind of out in nature, breathing fresh air. And then maybe look for something that you can do that maybe stresses a little bit your your bones. And so maybe something like, I don't know, you are here at your desk working or whatever, and every once in a while you stand up and you do five squats and five little jumps. I don't know. This is great, Carmen. I know I'm serious. This is good. I need small changes like this. Or looking at going to maybe you go to a with a friend to a gym and you do a class that, you know, kind of combines some sort of move, something that you like and that realistically write it down, look at it, and then say, like, and that's why, for example, January and everyone's intentions to like go to the gym and it all falls into nothing. Most of it does by the end of January, and we're so frustrated and disappointed with ourselves. Yeah, already, right? Yeah. So if we're realistic and say, okay, I can go out for a walk twice a week, and then I can go to the gym once a week, and that's realistically what I will do, then start with that.
SPEAKER_01No, that is key. And I have thought a lot about these classes too. So, you know, you can go, you're with other people, and I think you make a good point. Finding a class that I don't dread, you know, something that seems fun, it's movement, and then I just go once a week and stick to it. Yeah. So in starting small is not nothing. Like you're still doing something. No, that's key. So, you know, as we're, you know, trying to be healthy and obviously being aware of all these symptoms and everything, we're also still now all in midlife with, you know, just all the stuff happening to our bodies. And then we're dealing with this transition of midlife. As you pointed out earlier in the episode, just, you know, women that are potentially empty nesters, leveling up in their job or potentially retiring, or, you know, they're dealing with teenagers and just in the middle of all of it. You know, you've talked so much about to me privately about, you know, just the way you manifest and the way you just your visions, you know, manifesting your vision in general. But can you talk to our listeners about, you know, how they can, you know, manifest their vision in midlife, how this can be a powerful stage for them? Because I think so many of us are just overwhelmed and just don't even really know. It's like the uncertain. For me, it's the uncertain of what's going to happen. And I just feel overwhelmed and I need some advice on how to, you know, rein it in a little bit.
SPEAKER_00So, first, I think that I don't know if you've ever like met someone or you see people that and you're like, gosh, they have such an energy about them. You can feel it, it's like positive. It's like they're oral. I met you. Okay. So first we have to kind of um reframe ourselves, our our thinking. Like, so my work that I do is every morning I wake up and I dedicate a time in my morning to journal. And my first part of my journaling, it could be two sentences, five sentences, a whole page, is phrases of gratitude. And sometimes, I'm not gonna lie, I have down days. And sometimes I'm like, oh, this weather, and and I write, I'm so grateful for the yummy coffee that I have in my hand. I'm so grateful for having a warm house to live in. I'm grateful for having hot water. The basics, the simple things that we don't stop. Look how lucky we are. Like, look at ourselves and be like, I'm so lucky, I'm so grateful. And write those things down, even if, like I said, it doesn't have to be a page like or a half page, it could be one or two things. So change your mindset and then speak to yourself with using positive words. You know, your uh a friend said it, your words are your wand. And they actually can set a tone. So if I'm constantly saying to myself, like, oh god, you you stink at this karm and you're so bad. I'm gonna believe it. And so that's start the mindset, the shift, right, into a more positive. But it's not enough to say it. We have to believe it. And so our mind, we can trick it. I don't know if you've ever had like a reoccurring dream or a thought so many times that you're like, did that actually happen? And it's because we actually believe it, because we've thought it so much, we've kind of convinced ourselves or tricked our minds into believing it. And that starts off the visualization or the manifestation, is that we actually start telling ourselves the story or the life that we want to live or the outcome that we want to have. And we sit down and we visualize it. We see it, we feel it, we believe it. And it doesn't matter if along the way the journey kind of changes or it's not the exact same, but it's like keep your eye on the ball. You still have that outcome. I want to win that game. You know, I want I want to show up and I want to not be nervous. And I want, you know, I want to look professional. So before you do that, or before you go out, you take a few minutes and you visualize all of that happening. Um, and I think it's it's such a powerful tool to have. And it doesn't take anything. You don't need anything really to do it. I'm gonna give myself a little plug here. Please do. Yeah. I actually do uh like a an online session and I I've done a few now. And have you ever done a vision statement maybe for like a lot of people do them for work? I have not. Okay. It's just a way to look at like our core values, our our beliefs, like what we need and what we want. And you can focus it on any part of your life. And I focus it on right now on midlife. And so, you know, we do a little bit of um kind of a meditation, and then we start, you know, asking ourselves specific questions, and then we go through a visualization of how we see ourselves, and then we journal about it. And it's it's something that later on you can go back to, you can fill in, you can refer back to. Because, like I said, the journey may change and it may not be exactly how you saw it or how you felt it, but you know the outcome because you saw it. Your mind thinks it happened. And this is like, it's just it's mind blowing.
SPEAKER_01Well, I think what's interesting, you know, I don't even know how to say this. It's just so exciting that when I met you, you know, we met, you know, the guys. Um, and I met you through golf tournaments. It's funny because Carmen was, you know, there cheering on Dan and I was with Kevin. They were partners for this golf tournament. And I was just so nervous for them. I mean, it was just such a, you know, it was this big tournament and they had never played in it before. And Carmen was like, well, they're gonna win. And I said, wow. I, you know, I just never allowed myself to think that or to say those words. And I remember the entire week, it wasn't just so much that you were convinced they were gonna win. And, you know, spoiler alert, they won, which was so much fun. But I think what was the most striking to me was throughout the week the positivity that you brought to our entire group, not just to me, but to Kevin and Dan, to Kevin's parents, to my sister's entire family, to all of my kids. And you know what I learned through that was that if they lost, there was just so much joy and positivity surrounding this whole thing and thinking they're gonna win, they could win, whatever. We visualized it. When I thought about it, I'm like, you know what? Even if they didn't win, it was just such a joy to be around Carmen and that posity. And I think that's partially why, you know, when I started brainstorming about doing this bloom bright, just the aggressive positivity, you know, from people like you made me want to do something like this. I mean, I remember last year, my son was in um uh, you know, his basketball team was doing really, really well and was looking more and more like we were gonna go to state. And, you know, winning this particular uh 4-A championship is hard for any team. His school had never won before in the history of the school. And they had an amazing coach, amazing players, and they just kept winning and winning. You know, along the way, I said, I am adopting Carmen's approach. And I just told all the moms, we're gonna win. We're gonna win. And I think sometimes parents get a little superstitious. So I think they were like nervous, like she's going around saying we're gonna win. But I believed it with everything I had, and I told everyone around me. And then I had parents coming up to me being like, thank you for your positivity. And again, spoiler alert, they won. But it was even if they hadn't won, it was just the joy surrounding the event was so much more. And so that's now what I've adopted with midlife, just this aggressive positivity and keeping my eye on the prize for me of just being positive and, you know, was sharing one of my words of the year is gratitude. I think what you said about journaling it, someone just gave me a gratitude journal today. Just being able to just write it down is so important because I start thinking about being grateful and then you kind of, you know, your mind wanders and this and that, you know. But if you just really write it down, and then even if it's a bad day, just the small things, because you're right, we are so blessed to have all that we have. But I have to thank you truly, because that manifestation and positivity was really a game changer for me.
SPEAKER_00I'm happy that you, yeah, I think so too. And like I said, just having that positive kind of attitude, and it's not just the words, but actually feeling it, you know.
SPEAKER_01You absolutely feeling it. And then when you're around someone with your type of energy, and now I'm trying to have exude some type of that energy too. I'm not, I don't think I'm at your level yet, but it really does make everyone else come along. And, you know, whatever your goals are and your visions are, it's just so much easier when you're, like you said, pointing them out and and trying to do it and starting with gratitude too, because you're just in a better mood. I've noticed that I'm in a better mood when I am actively intentionally grateful and in the morning.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yes, yes, I agree. I agree. It it just sets your tone for your whole day.
SPEAKER_01So then, you know, what are so you you would just say like practical steps for starting manifesting, even if it feels chaotic. Can you just give like some bullet points about small things we can do? We did the gratitude journaling, and then what would be some other?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I would just say really trying to learn how to not just speak outwardly but inwardly with kind words and just acceptance and um not being so hard on ourselves. Like I think I read it, but a baby, when a baby starts to walk, we're like, oh my goodness, yes, you took two steps, you took three. And if the next day that baby like falls down after the first step, we're like, we're not like you suck. You only took one step. We would never do that. Yet we do that to ourselves.
SPEAKER_01You're absolutely right.
SPEAKER_00Right. And so we need to treat ourselves like we are the most prized person out there. And that we need that coddling, we need that to pick ourselves up. We are do not give ourselves enough grace, and we deserve all of it. You know, so I think really starting with that is key because I've heard it so many times. People like in different settings just outwardly say, like, oh, I'm the worst, oh, I can't do that. And I'm just like Like, well, of course you can't because you don't believe you can. And you're just by using those words, you're telling yourself you can't. So why would you? It is a huge mindset shift.
SPEAKER_01And it's in for me, there's some days I feel like I really am improving my positivity toward myself in my internal monologue. And then there's other days I still feel like I'm really struggling and I'm thinking. And then you go to bed at night, you're thinking it wasn't a great day. And then you reflect and you're like, well, it's because I was saying horrible things about myself all day to myself in my head. You know, I didn't give myself any grace.
SPEAKER_00Right. Yeah. And I mean, there's a lot of different like tools you can like look in the mirror and and practice saying kind words to yourself and looking at the things that you like about yourself and pointing them out, you know. And I know that's really hard. Like you just gave me at the start of this a great introduction. And it's it would be hard for me to introduce myself. But everything you said, I was like, oh yeah, that's me.
unknownThat's me.
SPEAKER_00So I mean, it's all true.
SPEAKER_01It's hard to say those things about yourself, but you know, you have to get used to it. So the takeaway I'm hearing is just be positive to yourself, to others, be grateful. Just starting with those basics and being intentional about it, writing it down, journaling. You do a lot of journaling, you know, all of these different topics.
SPEAKER_00Yes, I would say be positive, but I would also say that it's okay if you're down, because I have down dates too. And I never gave myself or allowed myself to have those down days. Like someone would come around, I'd automatically put a smile on my face. I'm a people pleaser. So I've had to learn how to be like, I just need the day. I need the morning. Just leave me alone. I'm gonna sit here. I have learned all of this about myself kind of recently and started accepting it. And it's okay. It's okay to have those down days. I'm not telling everyone to go out and be like, you have to be positive every day because that's not realistic. It's not gonna happen.
SPEAKER_01You know what? You're so right. And I think that you just really hit something on the head because recently I had a couple of down days and I had to cancel a couple of things, and I never cancel. I never want to let anyone down. And I do think I have a little OCD where I want to stick to my schedule. But either ways, I don't like to let people down, but I just needed a couple of days, you know, and I feel so the way you phrased it, it's okay, it's normal, it's totally fine. I think people need to hear that. I I know that I just needed to hear that because it makes me feel a lot. I was feeling guilty, truthfully. I need I knew I needed the day and I felt guilty about it all day. I'm telling you now because I think I still felt guilty about it. Now I'm feeling much better about those what you just said. So thank you.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yes. We have to think of ourselves. I I think we always have that issue that we're like, oh, you know, we want to help others and do things for others. But like you just said, I don't want to let anyone down. But by you showing up maybe that day, if you would have showed up and just like not been your hundred percent self and not been able to like give everything, is that really showing up?
SPEAKER_01No, and that's why I canceled because I knew I couldn't, but still I felt bad about it. And I think it's important that we shouldn't. We all, it's okay. Right. Yeah. And no, well, so that was very powerful. Thank you for sharing that. Okay, so I just want to ask you a few quick questions, you know, um, for our listeners. Can you give one daily habit you swear by in mid in midlife or a couple of habits that you are just like, these are ones that I do that I love?
SPEAKER_00I think I already said my journaling. Yes. Oh, yes. That that to me is so key. And some people don't think I don't have time for it. If you don't have time for it, it's just pause before you get out of bed, before you turn on any of your devices, before you start your day, and say three words or three sentences of gratitude. Start there or put your um journal out and your pen right next to you. And then when you get up, write them down. I'm not telling you to take like three hours, just a moment to say those, you know, three sentences or whatever is of gratitude to journal, whatever it is, but think of those, think on and think just realize how lucky and special we are to be here. And like for me, I'm always like, I'm so lucky to be healthy and I feel so grateful that I have this beautiful body and beautiful mind. And I don't mean physically, I just mean what God gave me. And, you know, and that a lot of people don't have that.
SPEAKER_01True. No, so many people are suffering with so many different health issues. And to have your health is truly the, you know, the biggest gift. Um, so thank no, thank you for that. So journaling is huge. And in like you said, if you don't have time, three words, three sentences, just you know, it does start the day in such a great, in such a great way. And so then finally, can you just give some encouraging takeaways for women navigating perimenopause in midlife? Just a final, you can do it.
SPEAKER_00Right. So it's not about like, I guess, you know, getting through this, like I said, muscling through it. You don't have to be that tough woman and taking everything on. You can recognize that you have these symptoms. So I think, you know, the most important is learning about them, educating yourself on them, getting the knowledge about them, and then learning the tools to help you ease through the menopause transition and then advocating for yourself. Like that's so important. And like I said, and once again, I'll leave you a link, but there's I have um like a little guide like of how to talk to your doctor and a few steps that you can take when you go to the doctor's office. Um, and then also I have a journal tracker, like a symptom tracker. I'm I'm old school, so I write everything down. So it you would print it out and you would fill it in like a calendar. But I think just taking those steps and taking that time, that's just a little bit of self-love, like a little bit of self-care is taking those moments for yourself because later on it greatly improves, you know, this transition. And so it's not about like just getting through this time because this isn't doom and gloom. Like if, you know, oh my gosh, I'm getting older, my my skin is drying out, my you know, it's it's not about that. We are going to move through this time and we don't want to like live till we're 90. Maybe we do, but we want to get their health in a healthful state, like in a healthy state. And so we want to make these years the best years of our life. And there's so many opportunities right now coming up, like in in these next coming up years. You know, we have so many things that are available to us that we might not have had before, you know. Like I said, we might have more time to dedicate to ourselves. We might be able to take on some study. So this isn't a time, you know, we have to like feel like, oh my gosh, we're there by ourselves, we're suffering. It's not, it's not a time of suffering, you know, it's it's a time of opportunity.
SPEAKER_01Well, and I think you said earlier, it can be a third of your life. So let's not just get through a third of our life. Let's do it in the best way we can. Let's arm ourselves with all the tools. I'm sick of just getting through something. I've been, you know, if I'm having a bad day or this or that, I hate it when I'm like, well, I just got to get through it. I can't stand me feeling that about anything anymore. I want to do it in a positive way. And even if it's a shitty day, I want to turn it around and find a way for whatever I'm doing, even if I mean not even specifically perimenopause, to just not get through it, to just do it and enjoy it on some level, you know? Okay, so lastly, big or small, what are the little things, big things that are making you bloom bright right now?
SPEAKER_00So um, I think one of the things being back in the US is seeing my nephews, seeing the faces that makes me really happy. Being closer to my family, like proximity makes me really happy. Um, makes me just feel all warm and fuzzy because I know they're close. And then um laughter. Laughter always makes me feel really good. And then, like I said, I'm a constant student. So knowledge, learning something new every day, talking to people, uh, feeling like I have a community, you know, feeling that connection, which is another thing as women, it's it's really important that we talk to each other, that we don't feel like we can't talk about this, or so because everything that's happening is normal, you know, and I'm not the oddball, you're not the oddball, you know. So things like that and and finding someone that you can talk to, and that makes me feel happy, you know, just those few moments in my day that I can kind of express myself, I can be listened to, and I can listen to someone else. Well, Carmen, you're amazing.
SPEAKER_01Thank you so much. I feel so much more informed. I want the listeners to know that I'm gonna um have all of the links and everything for them on um my Instagram account. Everything will be there linked so they can get the apps and the journaling notes and your website. There's just, and you have so many great articles on your website, on your blog. Um, so I can't thank you enough for being here. And thank you. Thank you so, so much. Yeah, thank you, Kelly, for having me. It's been great. Well, this has been an amazing episode. So much wisdom you have to share. And just continue to stay tuned, listeners. We're gonna uh try and bring as many guests like Carmen as we can to keep sharing all this stuff with us. Okay, bloom bright, everyone. Have a great day.