Burnout, Feminine Energy & Chronic Illness

What happens when you’re the strong one for everyone else, but your body, emotions, and nervous system are running on fumes?

In this episode of Rewired and Desired, Trina and Nicole talk honestly about burnout, feminine energy, chronic illness, motherhood, entrepreneurship, dating, and the pressure of holding everything together.

In this raw follow-up conversation, Trina opens up about what it feels like to build a business, support a family, manage chronic illness, and still carry the emotional weight of other people’s needs. Nicole and Trina unpack the tension between feminine and masculine energy, the guilt many women feel around ambition, and the reality of trying to pursue purpose while exhausted.

They also explore secure attachment, dating after healing, emotional overwhelm, chronic illness fatigue, and the challenge of staying grounded in a world that constantly pulls at your nervous system.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing your best while quietly falling apart, this episode is for you.

📌 Connect With Us
Trina Ricketts – The Intimate Ostomate
Website: intimateostomate.com
Instagram:   / intimateostomate 
Youtube:    / @intimateostomate 
Books, guides, coaching & resources
Coaching • Books / Guides • Resources • Intimacy Advocacy

Nicole Richards - Ostomy Innovations
Website: ostomyinnovations222.com
Instagram:   / ostomyinnovations 
Youtube:    / @ostomyinnovations222 
Coaching • Wellness • Disability advocacy • Ostomy Clothing

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:07

Welcome to Rewired and Desired, where intimacy, mindset, and disability intersect. I am your co-host, Nicole, along with the other co-host, Trina, the intimate ostimate. And today we are going to kind of follow up essentially to um a session Trina and I did where we were really discussing Trina, knowing she's been working too hard in the masculine and not really being able to be in her feminine energy. And I know we kind of discussed uh what that is, and we'll get back into kind of what that is here in a little bit as we go through the session. But we're gonna do an update, update, and see how Trina's doing. And um, she's expressed there may be some things, you know, uh maybe impeding that journey, that that feminine energy journey, which is a hard journey to navigate here on the 3D existence, the 3D realm we all live in. And so um, Trina, why don't you tell us a little bit what's going on with you? What can you do?

SPEAKER_01 1:24

Uh, it's funny that you mentioned the whole 3D existence of Earth too, because that's kind of part of what I'm I'm dealing with right now. Is the last time we spoke, I said how I'm a single mom with chronic illness. Um, and I'm trying to build an intimacy coaching business uh so that I'm not, you know, living in poverty on disability, et cetera, et cetera. Um, I love my life. I have an amazing life. Every single day and every moment of every day, I know how blessed I am, but I feel overwhelmed. I often feel overwhelmed, and sometimes it gets really to the point where um I start to feel like I just don't know if I can do it anymore. Like I just feel so tired, you know? And um, like one of my children w was in crisis recently, and like that's what I'm here for, obviously. As a mother, I'm here to be there for my children when they're in crisis. Um, but it almost made me feel like I went into crisis because it just was so um emotionally draining and uh trying to meet all the other obligations as a mother and a provider. And um and then taking on like the energy of people on the internet. Uh, you know, I I'm another thing I'm grateful for. Lots of really caring, loving, supportive people um connecting with me through my work. But I do occasionally have to deal with people who are critical or um, you know, don't like what I'm saying or disagree, which is fine. It's fine. I welcome that. I really do. Um I accept that, but it's just when I'm already in that kind of overwhelmed state, then it can trigger me and it can make me feel like despondent, kind of, you know? Yeah, yeah. Um, and it's hard to pull out of it sometimes. I've been in that kind of in that mode lately of trying to um pull myself out of that. And I I also uh like have always struggled, and I think this is a masculine energy thing of um struggled with uh the idea of being a burden on other people. So I feel like this pressure, although I don't think anyone's putting this pressure on me, but I but I feel this pressure to always um appear and in control of my emotions and maintain control of my emotions so that I don't make things worse for the people around me who are struggling. And it can be really hard because like I'm not perfect. I I get triggered, I'm my voice. I um I'll I regret things I say or do in a moment, you know, like you've seen it. Um like I'm so human, you know, but I feel sometimes, especially being a coach and being a mother, that I don't have the privilege of making mistakes or of being flawed, you know. Um and then on top of that, I just am struggling like financially. Um it's it's not like I don't make any money, like I'm making money working and coaching and stuff, but it's just not at the point yet where I can feel secure. Sure. So there's just you know, the the um financial aspect of being responsible for providing for my family and keeping a roof over our head and everything else. It can also be kind of overwhelming. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

I've just yeah, lately it's been heightened. It's been because of um my child going through like a crisis and uh and me trying really desperately to just keep building this business. And there's been a lot of momentum with it that I don't want to lose. Um, but sometimes I just want to hide for like a month and have nothing to do with anyone, you know?

SPEAKER_02 6:01

Yeah, I do know. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 6:04

So yeah, that's kind of where I'm at right now. And then spiritually, sorry, I'll just quickly because I didn't know.

SPEAKER_02 6:12

No, keep keep keep going. That's what I'm here for.

unknown 6:15

Thanks.

SPEAKER_01 6:16

Um, I because I had this life death uh near-death experience before and recently went down the rabbit hole of um learning more about like our soul journey and stuff like that, and I started to feel really close to like the soul world that we come from, and like I kind of almost sometimes feel like I've got one foot in this world and one foot in that world, but it's kind of heartbreaking because that world is just so beautiful and peaceful and loving, and this world is so hard, yeah. It's just so much stress day-to-day, moment-to-moment struggle, you know? And then, of course, when I'm stressed, my health uh suffers. So when you're chronically ill, so I'm like getting arthritis more lately, and like all the little immune issues are flaring up. So it's just like um, yeah, it's all happening at once.

SPEAKER_02 7:16

Well, yes, that's a lot, it's a lot to navigate, you know. I mean, I think I'll I could start off by saying one, you know, we we started talking about the 3D matrix and living in this world, right, brings up a lot of emotion for people who are empaths. And so right now, with everything that's going on in the world, and what you've told me in the past about your son, because your son has you know something to do with you know how you're feeling right now with your with your child feeling the way he is, um the collective energy is easy to pick up on because we're surrounded by people who are in fear, um, who are also living in lack, or um there's so much division, like we've talked about in the past between people.

SPEAKER_01 8:19

And not as bad as during COVID, thank God.

SPEAKER_02 8:23

Right, right. But but that's the thing, like with time speeding up, like all these things are just coming, coming, coming into our world, into our existence. And then because we have so much technology, we have all these TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, the news, social media on or the media on TV, we have people talking, blogs, magazines, newspapers. I mean, who can like that's if you don't have your nervous system in check, and not because you don't, but because it's every no one's perfect. You know, we're not Jesus or Buddha. We are so enlightened of beings that we can navigate this planet untouched, unscathed. All those things are just gonna keep coming at us. They're gonna keep coming at us, but it's it's it's that diffusion of the energy and that separation, which is so hard. It is so hard because when you're empath, empathic, you want to make this world a better place for everybody. And I see that about you.

SPEAKER_01 9:37

Thank you. And I do try. I like it is a real calling for me. Like, this whole intimacy coaching thing is a calling for me. I feel like I didn't realize that I had so much to offer on the subject until I was found myself in the position of starting to just naturally be doing this intimacy coaching with people, and then and then that's when I started becoming an intimacy coach, and now I've really turned my focus to people with ostomies. But it's like I've I feel like that's part of my purpose here is to impact people in that way because it's such an important thing that no one wants to talk about, you know.

SPEAKER_02 10:16

Yeah, your dharma. Have you you you know the dart, you know, dharma, correct?

SPEAKER_01 10:21

I'm not sure. I think maybe you mentioned it last time, but I don't remember. Yeah, so it's explain it again.

SPEAKER_02 10:26

It's it's like um it's where something that's affected you, right? Like our ostomies essentially are what got us to this point of wanting to help people. And in order to do that, you know, of course, there's monetization comes to be part of that because we have to live, right? We have to be able to live, you know, we're not trying to take advantage or take things, we're trying to live. But in your dharma, you naturally attract, like in your feminine energy, all the things you need to get to that point to be able to live out that purpose. And so, like you're on the path to dharma, and you're you're already living it essentially, but there's always gonna be that you know, that collective conscious thing that's gonna keep pulling us back. But it's also the spiritual journey, like you talked about. It's it is the ebb and flow, you know, and sometimes I feel like there's gonna be times, you know. You talked about like, you know, we talked about the feminine and and the masculine. I just feel like there are gonna be times where we're executing in the masculine a little bit more than what we should, and we're gonna have trouble bringing back.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

There's a flow between like part of me says, maybe I should just be really poor, live really poor on disability, and be here for my kids 100% of the time, and you know, just give up, basically. And then part of me is like, so so I feel like almost selfish trying to pursue greater wealth for my family and um like a work that would allow me to get off disability and and live um a more secure, financially secure life, you know.

SPEAKER_00 12:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:22

And I almost feel selfish for like going after that because I feel like I should be focusing more on the feminine side that of the mothering and the nurturing that I obviously am also here to do, you know? And so it's like, and then I feel selfish when, or not selfish, but then when I'm focusing on my children, I feel not resentment towards my children, but I feel pulled back to like writing my books and coaching people and helping people online with, you know, their their situations. Like that's one of the things I love in the new group I just started on Facebook is people posting about their intimacy challenges because I learned so much, and I can I can offer little nuggets of wisdom that can make a difference for people, and I love that, but it's time consuming and it takes away from the stuff I know I should be doing as a mother and as a friend and as a daughter, even like all the people that I'm not um like I'm not living up to how I want to be for them in their lives, you know. Is it I don't feel like they're pressuring me, but I feel like I barely spend time with anyone because I'm so focused on trying to build this business.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

And I mean, is it really selfish that you want to create generational wealth for your family?

SPEAKER_01 13:47

That's one thing I do remind myself of, but that's so long term and like in this moment, you know, it's just so hard sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 13:55

Hard in the moments, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:58

But that's exactly what it is. It's hard in the moments. That's the biggest thing. Like, if I could, and that's what I'm doing. I'm just facing one moment at a time, and it has just been a struggle lately.

SPEAKER_02 14:09

Yeah, yeah. What do you think what are you moving towards besides besides like in a woman entrepreneur, right? Because being a woman entrepreneur is is kind of a it's a nuance, right? Like it's it's that push and the pull because we're not expected still to really be in that position necessarily. Like while the world's accepting, it just still feels like we have to be that caregiver role. But like, what essentially do you think you're moving towards besides that? Like, like true, like because we're not just what we're trying to do in our businesses, or we're not just what we're doing trying to help people in these groups and that kind of thing. Like, who else is Trina? You know? I can't really.

SPEAKER_01 15:02

I mean, what I'm moving towards, or what I feel like I'm moving towards, is um leaving a legacy to the world that will impact them in a positive way through my books and through my coaching, hopefully. And um providing a safety net for my family, you know, that's kind of like my my incarnate living in a 3D world goals, right? And then and then when I when I die, I can look back over my life and be able to say that um that I learned from what I went through and and that I was able to uh become a better person through it.

SPEAKER_02 15:52

Yeah. And and and what your children see from you doing that, and then the things that they're gonna be able to do because they saw their mom go through all this disease and osmi and more disease, and the breakups, and then the the challenges, and then the social media critics, and you know, just all of that, like they saw their mom get through that, still builds this business and leave something for them. And when you're on that deathbed, right, like no one wants to say, I didn't do this, or I didn't do that, I didn't do that, and you won't have to, and and yes, in those moments, like I'm I feel you because I'm right there with you understanding those moments of just like, but it's so painful, it's so much, and and a right our bodies. So I've been, I was listening to um a podcast the other day, and it was a woman who was saying, you know, you'll notice if you're doing something that you're not supposed to be doing, you'll feel it, like right in that. I like to refer, she didn't say solar plexus, but it is your solar plexus chakra, right? Where we as ostimates are most affected too, especially with Crohn's. Um, that feeling right there and that gut feeling, you know, you'll feel it in your body. And and you mentioned that, that you're feeling it in your body.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

Yeah, I wonder if that is like just more common for people like us with uh intestinal disease and stuff, because yeah, I definitely feel every emotion in my gut.

SPEAKER_02 17:39

Exactly. And and I know I used to help I used to hold it there when as a child, like I felt myself, you know, it almost makes me wonder like, well, is that part of why I have so much issues? But you know, you too, because that's being empathetic, you know, that's part of that empathy. And it is a hard, like I don't think I don't think as the people that we are that we can change that empathy, unfortunately, but it's a matter of getting into somewhat of a routine to learn how to kind of push that ward, that energy off a little bit. Um, it's not easy. I was gonna ask you too. Do you get to a certain point of the day where you feel it more during a time of the day? Do you? What time of the day is that?

SPEAKER_01 18:41

Like four o'clock.

SPEAKER_02 18:43

That is okay. So I another podcast I listen to, and these are like female entrepreneurs, right? And they're they're probably things that they've experienced and we're we're up that we're going up that ladder right now with them. Um, but she said that she also feels it around that time of day, which is the same time I feel it. And she said it's something about a dopamine, like a dopamine like crunch. Yeah, dopamine, like all the dopamine's been used up essentially.

SPEAKER_01 19:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:16

So that's kind of interesting to start to kind of think about. Yeah. Like, how do you make how do you balance that, you know, without having to go on medications because we don't want to, you know. So it's something to think about as you know, part of it.

SPEAKER_01 19:34

Um and I think like because when I was in a relationship for nine years, not that long ago, you know.

SPEAKER_02 19:40

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

Like it, there's a lot of shitty things in that relationship, and I had to get out of it. Um, but there were good things too, you know, and I miss those good things, good things sometimes. Like I miss having someone hold me, and I miss not being so stressed out about how I'm gonna make ends meet every month. Yeah, which is worse because he left me with debt, you know? And yeah, it's like which was one of the reasons why I had to get out of the relationship was just the financial strain of his addiction. And right, but but he was so good at holding me and making me laugh and listening to my stories and telling me funny things, and like I miss that, you know. And that that's when I felt like I could be in my feminine, is when I had someone who could be strong for me. And I think in all of my life, that was the only time I ever felt like there was someone else there who could be strong for me for a little while, you know.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:39

And I miss it. Like I I would never get back together with him. I you know, um, I would never want to put myself through all that stress again with the money and the the benders and the disappearing for weeks at a time and no, the lies, you know what I mean? But but it it was really beautiful, like those those moments when I didn't have to be the strong one, you know.

SPEAKER_02 21:04

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It it it's nice to have someone to take those hard moments from you. I think I think sometimes it's yeah, you know, it's easy to think sometimes that you know our problems are just gonna magically disappear in a sense, right? And that you know, that we're not gonna feel these emotions, we're not gonna feel the nervous system attacking us, you know. But I know that you have exactly what it is inside of you to feel that for yourself. Really? I think so. I think so. I think so because you're you teach so many people how to be intimate, right?

SPEAKER_01 21:56

You teach how to relate with other people, but like I don't know, I guess, how to give myself that same feeling of safety and comfort, you know, that you can get from uh when someone else is stronger than you.

SPEAKER_02 22:12

You know, I think you have it inside you. I think you have it inside you. And I think in fact when you've fully embraced it, I think that knight in shining armor is gonna come out and now you have he's he's gonna reveal himself to you. Yeah, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 22:36

I don't know. I do. I think I don't know if I even want him knight in shining armor. Like I mean, I'm dating and it's fun, but like it's just I don't know. It seems like people are so much more broken than me. I saw a video recently where someone said, um, I gotta warn you that once you do your healing, dating is way harder. Really? And it's way harder to meet someone because you're you're you've healed so much, and the majority of the world are very unhealed. And so um, you know, I've I end up like almost every person I meet has got serious emotional issues from whatever they've been going through in their lives and they haven't done that work, you know.

SPEAKER_02 23:22

I can see, I can see that there's been a few times I've hopped on a dating app, very few and far, but you could tell right away the people that haven't worked on their emotional baggage, and that's not fair for you to take any of that on. Yeah, that wouldn't be fair.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

No, I don't need that on top of everything else.

SPEAKER_02 23:43

No, and that's just it. And when you're in this moment of like building, because that's where you are, you're building, right? You're building something like that's so great and gonna help so many people, you don't need the distraction either.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

Yeah, you may need, I think Trina loves another reason why I don't know if I'd want to be with anyone because I already want to take away so many obligations. I don't need more, you know.

SPEAKER_02 24:11

I I feel you, but see, I think that's where the right person actually might relieve some of that stress. Yeah, they might just might be there to make you dinner, they might be there to fulfill that hug, that that body love warmth thing that you desire. They may be there to go help your kids in the moment, or sit down with your son and tell him he's doing it, you know, or hold his hand through the hard times, you know. And and I think that person will come along and I think it's gonna be really beautiful. You know, you mentioned too, like you see the beauty in the world out here, like you know the potential of the beauty, even though it doesn't feel like that. And I think that's like a I think a lot of people don't understand that what you see, your vision is a very spiritual vision, and and you hold that in regard. And I think that's I like like I said, being empathetic, it hurts because you still go down that rabbit hole of why, why, why. But I but I wanna challenge you just to sit with the positive aspects of the things that are breaking down in the world right now and what that means for that beautiful world that you envision, because there's gonna be a huge breaking down process. You know, we're gonna keep watching the structures be hurt and and go through things, but but people that that know that unfortunately we're kind of diffusers in that, right? We hold the energy and and and still try to maintain the posit positivity, but also allowing yourself to let it out, like you are, you know, like letting those emotions out and and talking about them like you are here is I think it makes a big difference, like just talk it out with you, like yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:13

Like I have already started to come to some realizations on my own, even, you know, about like where why am I feeling so stressed out, you know, why am I feeling so overwhelmed? And um, you know, like I'm I'm lucky, I do have some really special people in my life who will help me and are have offered to help me. It's just like I don't know how they can help me because like there's just the things only I can do, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. But um, so it's not that I don't have like wonderful people in my life that want to to do more and want to help me, but like um, you know, and I even have uh people who would love to be my my man and take care of me, and um you know what I mean, but like I I just that's that goes back to where I don't have that urge, and maybe it's just that I don't have that kind of um like I don't look at those people that way because I yeah, you never know who's gonna be the person that you're like, wow, holy, we just kind of click, you know. Um I think it's weird. I feel like a lot of people will just take anyone that will love them, but I'm not like that. I'm I want to have like compatibility in a lot of different ways. And I I mean, I I would have my life would have to be so much better than it is now as a single woman for me to get into a relationship. Like so much better because I wouldn't go into a relationship and then have a shittier life, you know.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

Right, right, exactly. No, no, no, no, no, no, especially when you've built what you've built so far and when you've come out of what you've come out of, there's no way you want to get back into something, especially if you're not you're not quite ready, you know.

SPEAKER_01 28:07

But definitely not.

SPEAKER_02 28:10

Exactly. You know, the other thing I was gonna say too is I think we I think we talked about this, but do you think that there's more broken people on dating apps than meeting somebody organically, like I mean I think that especially at our age, there's three there's like three or some people say four attachment styles.

SPEAKER_01 28:36

Um, secure attachment, that's what I am. Okay. Secure attachment is a person who if you're feeling anxious and worried that I don't love you anymore, I'll say, don't, don't think that way. I love you with all my heart. Of course I do. And I'll reassure you, you know. And if you pull away from me and and start to like act kind of distant, um, I don't chase you. I just give you your space and I let you come back around when you're ready. And I don't take it personally, it's not about me. I don't know what's going on in your head, but when you're ready, you can tell me. You know, that's a secure attachment. An anxious attachment is someone who um is worried about losing the person, their fear of abandonment, fear of like not having that person in their life. So whenever that person pulls away from them in any way, they chase them, they want to hold on to them, they start having fears they're gonna lose them. Um, an avoidant person is a person who wants the cuddles, wants the in theory, they want that secure relationship. They want to give cuddles and love and be in this amazing relationship. They have a dream of it, um, just like everybody else. But the minute they start to get close, they pull away. They just can't. They a block goes up, a wall goes up, and they pull away. And so when you get an avoidant person and an anxious person together, it's just like this constantly. I think that's all I've ever had. Right? And like, and then there's uh some people say a fourth, which is like the anxious avoidant, which is a person who does both, a person who's scared to lose you, but as soon as you start to get close, they pull away. And um, I think like me when I was kind of sick, you know, more sick in in my mental health and that, I was uh more avoidant than anxious. Um, but when I because I would just feel I did I just distrusted everyone, I didn't trust my feelings with people.

SPEAKER_02 30:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:30

But when I went through my whole um health issues and my spiritual awakening and and all of that, I started to see the world really differently and I became a secure attachment through that. And as a secure attachment, I go from one long relationship to another. That's what secure attachments do. And so when you're dating and single, it's really hard to find other people who are secure because they're in relationships. Because they stay in relationships, they'll stay in the relationship with their anxious attachment partner, they'll stay in a relationship with their avoidant attachment partner because they don't get emotionally triggered like their partners do. So they they remain the calm, steady person, right? And and then as a secure attachment person, I found once I became secure, I started always picking avoidance. Like I'm like, oh my god, like I've got a thing for guy people who are avoidant. And I think that's because I don't want like the stress and the pressure of someone clinging too hard to find so independent. Yeah, you know, so when someone pulls away from an avoidant person pulls away from me, it's like, oh, I've got some free time to myself, you know. I'm I'm relieved. But you don't really at the same time, it's not a healthy no, it's not, it's not healthy, but um, but like I can provide as a secure attachment, I can provide a lot of safety and security for an avoidant or an anxious partner. The avoidants are the most likely to cheat, and I've been cheated on by every every person I've ever dated.

SPEAKER_00 32:06

Really?

SPEAKER_01 32:08

You know, and secure attachments are the least likely to cheat. You know, anxious might cheat because they're so um their their sense of self-worth really depends on the acceptance by other people and avoidance too. Like there's just they're they're but they're broken in that way, they haven't healed parts of themselves to become a secure attachment.

SPEAKER_02 32:31

So I then that was my next question. It seems like you can once you get healthy, you can become a different style, right? Like I used to be, according to what you're saying, not that this is about me, sorry, but yeah, no, no, I like it. I I was an anxious attachment and I always had the avoidant, so it was push, pull, push, pull. Um, which is funny because it's also the twin flame journey. Have you heard of the twin flame journey? No, I haven't. Okay, we'll talk about that in a second, but um, but that's kind of like that was that that rocky type, you know, behavior. Um, so so you know, for you even like you're secure, you're a secure attachment, but have you found yourself in a different spot before?

SPEAKER_01 33:16

Were you ever an avoidant or I was very avoidant, and then I can remember on a couple of occasions where I behaved very anxiously. Like I remember a boyfriend threatening to break up with me, and I became suddenly very anxious. It was like begging him not to. And that's not like me. I'm more likely the person who says, fine, leave, you know, because I'm more usually avoidant, but I have had my like an anxious side triggered before.

SPEAKER_02 33:45

Yeah, interesting. Interesting.

SPEAKER_01 33:47

So, like we can all like we can all um exhibit aspects of them all no matter what, but but we lean in a certain way more predominantly.

SPEAKER_02 33:57

That makes sense. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 33:58

Because I still do like some avoidant behaviors. And I probably do it when I'm doing it.

SPEAKER_02 34:05

Yeah. So that's what I just that's why I just think like I think for you and even people like me, I just think like an organic relationship is gonna be so beautiful, like once it comes into our existence. Um but I do, I just think like that, but I don't I think where you're at right now, I just don't think because that's where I'm at right now. I just don't see either where that can fit. I don't see even even if they have all these qualities that you're looking for, right? And someone to hug and hold and do whatever are are they is is it gonna be mutually exclusive that we can't just be with each other all the time or that you know, is there gonna be enough space? Is there gonna be enough understanding, especially for you, Trina, when you're running, you know, a a Facebook group, when you're running your your coaching, when you're running your your courses and and you know, your back and forth, and then having children and doing all these things, right? Is it is it like is there a certain level, or is there a stop? Like, is there a point you get to where then it's okay? Or is there never a good time? Is it never a right time?

SPEAKER_01 35:34

I don't know. I really think like it'll just happen, like you said, naturally when when it's supposed to maybe happen, if it happens, and I'm not like putting my eggs in any baskets. I'm just I'm really just trying to learn how to cope with my life without the the thought of there being a man in it. And and and if it happens, it happens, but in the meantime, I need to learn or uh maybe not learn, but just keep managing and keep getting by and until I'm you know in a position where I'm more finite financially secure. And I don't want to earn that by depending on someone else. I want to be able to depend on myself for that.

SPEAKER_02 36:15

100%.

unknown 36:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:16

Do you think that um I forgot what I was gonna ask you?

SPEAKER_01 36:22

Although I wouldn't say no if someone wanted to pay off all my debts.

SPEAKER_02 36:26

Oh, that was it. That was it. Not that, but something similar. Do you think that maybe when you go on some dates, right? Because you you you've been dating, you've been on some acts.

SPEAKER_01 36:38

I just went on two dates on the weekend, and then yesterday I gave uh a TV away on Craigslist, and the guy came over who got it and texted me after and asked me out on a date. There you go. I give off like some, I think because I worked in the adult entertainment industry for so long, and now I do intimacy coaching that I give off an energy that makes men really comfortable around me.

SPEAKER_02 36:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:59

And that's why I think I get uh I get asked out pretty often.

SPEAKER_02 37:03

Like I yeah, and just probably the way you move, you probably have a flow to you. That it doesn't have to be, it's not like necessarily like a sexy thing or whatever, it's just a flow. And that's your feminine, and that's what I was gonna say.

SPEAKER_01 37:16

Yeah, that in that way I do feel like I'm in my feminine energy, like I'm very um comfortable at like attracting people, not just men, but attracting people, um, making people feel safe and comfortable and um like building rapport and understanding and having compassion and being non-judgmental and all of that. I'm so in my feminine on that level. I'm so creative. Like I my favorite thing to do is to write and you know, come up with content. And so yeah, I do have that, but yeah, so and I think that does help balance it sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 37:55

Yeah. And then too, I think maybe when you know you talk about you know the burnout and like how you're feeling, I think maybe some of these like the dating may not just be about you, it's not just you searching for that soulmate, it's about that being your feminine. You're actually enjoying yourself, you're enjoying your time, you're sitting down, having an adult conversation over a glass of wine and an appetizer. Like there's nothing better than having that time with somebody that you can kind of talk to and tell things to that doesn't have any judgment of who you are because they're gonna know them, it's kind of fun, you know.

SPEAKER_01 38:42

Yeah. I've made a couple friends, like I've made a couple guy friends uh from dating. Um they would want they want more, of course, of course. But um, but I really seriously like sincerely value their friendship. So um I think it can be like a positive experience, even when you don't find the one, you know. But I think it can also be a really negative experience. Like I had um a guy recently that seemed really cool and was quite respectful, and then suddenly after I talked about being an intimacy coach and he asked a little bit about that, I guess it must have turned him on. So then he started getting like more kind of like sex talky, you know, and stuff. And yeah, it was just like I don't know, it just was such a turn off for me, and I didn't judge him and I didn't get mad and I didn't tell him off or anything. I was very respectful how I responded because I went into intimacy coach mode because I recognized here's a person who's broken, yeah, who is not able to relate in an emotional or or bonding, like emotionally bonding way that that um is seeking a physical bond with someone. That's kind of the the main thing, and I get it, like guys are are uh physical bond driven. Yeah, I get it. But in a dating situation, you should maybe have a little more control. And like I want to get to know someone like before anything, because like some people say it takes at least three months to get to know someone, you know, and I've never done that, I've always just jumped into relationships in the past when I met someone that I was really attracted to, and um and there was a a connection, and I just jumped in. And those relationships, although there are lots of blessings that I've had and had from those relationships, there were a lot of things where I look back and think, what the fuck was I thinking? Yeah, you know what I mean? And I'm not at that stage in my life where I need someone so bad, and that's why I think I did it. I needed someone, I was codependent, I needed someone in my life. Um, and so the first person who was the right fit, you know, I just yeah, that's it. Yeah, and I'm I'm just not in that place now. I'm I'm in the place of I I feel like I can just see people's brokenness. It's so obvious to me. It's like they just walked, it's written all over them. I can, you know, they start talking, and it's like this new brokenness shows up, this new brokenness, this new, you know, and well, and they may not even have to say anything, you're just picking up their energy. Yeah, and it's not like I'm judging them at all. Yeah, because I have many broken pieces myself, like a hundred percent. Um, but like because of my work and my um my self-work at this point, it's just really obvious to me when someone hasn't done the any work on themselves or the work they really need to do, or they're still living in the past, or they're still hanging on to resentments, or there's you know, there's so many things that I don't do that anymore, and I can't have that in my life. Like it's just too toxic for me. I can't.

SPEAKER_00 42:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:03

Um, so that so that's just you know, so at this age, trying to date people, trying to meet people who aren't who have done the healing, it's just really hard because most people haven't, you know.

SPEAKER_02 42:14

Well, well, also um, another podcast that I listen to, but I've heard this before, and I think this is really important, is that when you are on your entrepreneurship journey, this is the highest level of self-development you can ever do. Oh, wow. Yes, every crack, every every piece of you that still needs healing is gonna surface. Every critic is gonna come out and criticize. And it's just a matter of learning how to take it and take it, learn what you need to from it and move on from the rest. And then realizing too that you know, sometimes it is what they're experiencing and being able to discern. Is it them or is this something I really need to look at?

SPEAKER_01 43:02

Yeah, for sure. And there are things that I recognize in myself, like um recently a conversation with a friend where I was raising my voice and not realizing I was doing it, and it was nothing about my friend, it was just about me being activated. And uh, and then you know, like I that's just me, that's a blatant. There's Trina's brokenness just blatantly showing right there, you know, in that when that happens. So the as of for instance, like I know it sounds like I'm so judgmental, I see all the brokenness of people. I don't mean I don't mean it that way, and I don't I mean it in a compassionate way. Oh, 100%, you know. Um, and I don't want people when if they ever meet me to think, oh, she's looking at me and seeing all my brokenness. It's not like that. It's that's the I'm talking about when I'm like meeting someone and I'm assessing like how much time do I want to spend with this person? Would I want to be romantic with them? Then I'm kind of checking out like how broken they are, you know. But in normal, normal relationships. That's not what's happening. I've just I really just love everybody. I have like it's hard for me to not um to not care about like pretty much every single person I meet. Yeah and that's I think I've been like that almost my whole life. And but when I was young, I had so much distrust and anger that I really blocked that. But now because I've opened myself up so much um to not trusting, I don't trust people to just give people the reins to screw me over, but like um emotional trust, like emotional trust of that even if they do something that's mean or cruel, it's not it's not about me, it's not personal against me. Yeah, it's their that's what they're like, that's how they're feeling, you know.

SPEAKER_02 44:52

Sure, sure.

SPEAKER_01 44:53

And they're just acting out how they're feeling, you know. But yeah, I just wanted to say that because otherwise, and be like, I don't want to meet her.

SPEAKER_02 45:03

She's just no, I don't to me it doesn't sound like that. To me, I understand I get what you're exactly. I pick up what you're putting down. Yeah, been there for sure. Um, one thing too, you had mentioned, and I and I thought of that um as something that I also have experienced with, you know, when our children are down or our children are experiencing heartache or depression or those things. And this is gonna be kind of hard to say, but and I don't mean it as um also as a way of say of like sounding cold. Um because we're always gonna hurt so bad when it's our children because that's our blood and we care so deeply, you know, about them. But I think one thing we have to realize, just like with the rest of the world as well, is that everybody's on their unique path for a reason. And we can't experience the light without experiencing the dark. And we all kind of go to those dark spots, you know, and and you all you can really do is be that conduit to kind of help them. We can't take it away, even though we want to. I know we want to take our kids' pain away.

SPEAKER_01 46:20

Yeah, we can't take it away. All we can do is try to help contextualize it for them so that they don't internalize it and and make it a part of their identity or a part of their story, like so severe, you know. And yes, um, you know, like I I think I am doing that. I just think that I feel like the whole thing you said about like the 4 p.m. burnout or whatever, exhaustion um plus like our chronic illness, you know. Like anyone watching this podcast will most likely have chronic illness because that's who most of our audience are um can understand. Like you just get so fucking tired. You just get so fucking tired. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:08

Yeah. I've I've felt it really intensely the last few days too. Um I don't know, something in the air, something blowing around. I don't know. It's but it's been intense the last three days for me.

SPEAKER_01 47:23

Maybe it's like one of those moon things or astrological things or something that I never did.

SPEAKER_02 47:28

Uh March 3rd was a supermoon lunar eclipse, and it was the 3-3 portal. Uh, it was all sorts of things, right? It was intense. So yeah, we're probably still feeling that. Mercury's retrograde, so there's that. Um, but yeah, and too, like I like I was saying earlier, it's just, you know, everybody's feeling that collective thing. I mean, we have what's going on, you know, especially here. Like I know in the whole West Coast, you know, we have a lot of people from from Iran here. Um, and you know, their families are back there. And I don't really know much what's going on, but irregardless, whatever's going on, people are fearful and people are putting that out there. Uh, whether it's a projection, whether it's legitimate, whether it's a distraction, it doesn't matter, whatever it is, it's still creating fear. And maybe legitimate fear, maybe not. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 48:27

I know. Well, I mean, when you say that, it reminds me of COVID. Like I literally went mentally ill during COVID. I I one percent admit that I went mentally ill and I did too. A lot of it was fabricated in my mind. Yeah. Um, obviously, like exacerbated and ignited by the divisive rhetoric of the news, and like we had like signs in our community saying rat on your neighbors and all kinds of divisive things that were going on, which fueled that fear and the mental illness, obviously, that I was going through. But I totally know what you what you're saying when you say that. And I think that whether, like you say, whether what we think is really happening or not, if we think it, it's it hurts us, you know. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and it doesn't matter either because it affects everyone because it's a collective energy.

SPEAKER_02 49:21

It's it affects everyone, it affects everybody. So it's hard times right now, and you know it's hard Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:28

The thing with the stuff that's going on in the world is I have to let it go. That's what the big lesson I got from COVID is that if I can't control it, if I have no control over it, then I'm not going to focus on it. I'm not gonna watch videos about it, I'm not going to go to rallies about it. I'm not nothing. I'm just going to focus on my life and what I can control, which is me, my family.

SPEAKER_02 49:53

You know, not because what we focus what we focus on grows.

SPEAKER_01 49:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 49:59

And so by you not focusing on it, you're not growing it.

SPEAKER_01 50:02

Yes, exactly. You're focusing on your family. If you've done it during COVID, I would have got through mentally a lot better. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:08

Um, Mother Teresa had a quote that said something like this. My sister's got it up in her house. Um, if you want to change the world, go home and love your family.

SPEAKER_01 50:20

Oh, I love it.

SPEAKER_02 50:21

Something like that. It might not be exact quote, but it's something like that. And it's so beautiful. Because that's it's so true. Like we don't have to be people who are trying to go out and change the world, you know, or or even like in your and I's niche, we don't have to change everybody. We just have to affect change in a few people or in a handful, or even just one, you know, and if that's and if if for somebody like listening and that's just their family or their their child or their loved ones, that's more than enough. Yeah. That's way more than that.

SPEAKER_01 50:54

I mean, at our sickest, you probably were like me, like at my sickest, you have to prioritize. And what is number one? Well, number one is of course to take care of yourself enough so that you can take care of everybody else. Take care of number two, which is usually your children or your partner or your parents or someone that you really love. And everything else doesn't matter as much as yourself and the people you love.

SPEAKER_02 51:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 51:21

And that and that's the hard thing too, right? That when you're an entrepreneurial woman, I want to see that podcast.

SPEAKER_02 51:27

Um okay, I'll find it. Yeah, there's a few good ones.

SPEAKER_01 51:34

That's part of the guilt. Like, all that matters is my family. But here I am over here spending all this time on trying to build this business. But I know I'm doing it for my family, but still it's time I could be spending with them. You know what? It's just like a I do.

SPEAKER_02 51:49

Yeah, I do. I I get it. Um, I've spent a lot of time away from my family over the years as being nomadic. Um, and there was guilt at first, uh, but I know that I've gotten to a place that I've spent so much time away from my family. I'm still close to them. In fact, I just missed a FaceTime from my daughter while we were sitting here, you know, so I can see my granddaughter. Like it's we're sometimes that distance creates also creates that uh desire, you know, the distance creates desire essentially. And then also it's just you're always gonna be connected because you're blood, and even if you're not blood, you're know if you raised that child or you had you know so much to do with that child or or the loved one, like it's always still gonna be there. And while like people you like like you and I, we we've been through so much. We have like the healing sometimes has to look like different. Sometimes healing has to look like I'm gonna be here for a while, or I'm gonna be here, you know?

SPEAKER_01 53:02

Um well if if the if it's true that we picked our lives before we were born, which I really believe um choosing to have a life with an ostomy or a life with a a chronic illness is one of the hardest lives that you can choose for yourself.

SPEAKER_00 53:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:21

And that and usually it's done by people who think that they can handle it, otherwise we wouldn't put ourselves into that kind of life. And we do it because we want to grow, we want to spiritually evolve faster than we would if our lives were easy.

SPEAKER_02 53:39

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 53:40

And that's and I do believe that, and that's one of the reasons why I feel a real bond with other people with ostomies or any kind of chronic illness, or like especially when it comes to intimacy, because that was such a big thing for me. Um, you know, like uh before I was doing ostomy intimacy coaching, a lot of my intimacy coaching clients were men with erectile dysfunction, and that that creates such so much stress and pressure in their lives, you know, that and no one talks about it really. I know. And then with the ostomies, a lot of people, men with ostomies also have that issue, you know, and then like any kind of issue you have is on top of your chronic illness, plus your ostomy, plus your scars, plus everything else. So we're we're we're magnified. Yeah, we're magnifying it. So we've got like just the normal human problems that everyone has, plus all our chronic illness and our health issues and our hospital visits and our trauma. Yes, yes, but we're doing pretty good, Nicole.

SPEAKER_02 54:39

You're doing really good. You're doing amazing, and you know, like I said, that that self-development piece gonna keep they're we're gonna keep bringing it in. We're gonna keep bringing it in, and those and the kids they're on their journey, and you're just gonna keep loving them the way you are because you're trina, and you're doing everything, you're doing everything, doesn't make it easy, doesn't make it easy.

SPEAKER_01 55:04

Thank you really helped. Like, I feel like I I got so many tears out that needed to come out. Yeah, and it's weird. Like, I can't get them out just like on my own. I have to talk to you.

SPEAKER_02 55:14

Yeah, that's what I'm here for. We could do we could do this once a month if you want.

SPEAKER_01 55:19

Yeah, well, I'm sure when all this pressure builds up again, I'll be like, okay, it's time, Nicole. Let's do a a crying episode.

SPEAKER_02 55:27

That's perfect. I will I will be there. I I too, I mean, I once in a while need need some myself, especially in the position I'm still in um here, uh, which will be ending June 1st. And um it's a it's a bittersweet thing, but um yeah, I get it. I get it. Sometimes we just need to let it out and talk to another person who understands. So I'm here for you. Thank you. I love you. Love you too. We didn't decide yet on next week's. Do you need therapeutizing?

SPEAKER_01 56:01

I owe you one now.

SPEAKER_02 56:04

We could. I'd also like to talk about mental health at some time.

SPEAKER_01 56:07

Yeah, and we were gonna do an episode about our favorite bags and our favorite supplies.

SPEAKER_02 56:12

Yeah, so we'll talk about it. Let's talk about it. We'll whatever. Yeah, we'll talk about it and decide. They don't need to know now.

SPEAKER_01 56:20

It'll be a surprise.

SPEAKER_02 56:22

It'll be a surprise.

SPEAKER_01 56:25

Oh, all right. Till next time, everyone, and sign up for our master class. Oh, yeah, our master class.