When Life Spirals All at Once And It’s Not Random (w/Brittney McAllister)

Four weeks ago, everything changed.

What started as a normal day turned into something that shook me to my core—
 a situation that forced me to ask a question I wasn’t ready for:

What am I allowing to have access to me?

In this episode, I’m sharing the real story behind the past month of my life—
 the fear, the overwhelm, the moments that broke me, and the realization that followed.

From a terrifying encounter…
 to moments that tested my safety, my mindset, and my faith…
 to being hurt by someone I trusted…

It felt like everything was crashing at once.

And for a minute, I thought I was doing something wrong.

But what if that’s not what it is?

What if the moments that shake you…
 are actually the ones trying to wake you up?

This episode is raw. It’s honest. And it’s something I almost didn’t share.

But if you’ve ever felt like everything is hitting you all at once—
 this is for you.

Part 2 drops next, where we get into focus, discipline, and what actually deserves access to your life.

Thanks to our guest @realtorbrittney

Visit her website: https://aro-re.com

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🎙️ Podcast: All God’s Grace
Host: Kendra Carter

💬 If this resonates, comment “FOCUS” — I’d love to hear what this season looks like for you.

 🔔 Subscribe so you don’t miss Part 2.

Hosted by Kendra Carter
Kendra Carter is a Realtor® serving Central Ohio, helping clients navigate buying, selling, and investing with clarity and confidence.

📍 Real Estate: @KendraSellsColumbus
🎙️ Podcast & Community: @AllGod’sGracePodcast

Follow along for real estate, real life, and conversations that meet you where you are.

This episode is sponsored by Alec Moore, LD, RD and https://www.instagram.com/nutrition_collaborative/

Inquire about coaching here: https://www.nutritioncollab.com/

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Four weeks ago, I had something happen that shook me to my core. And it forced me to ask a question that I didn't want to ask. What am I allowing to have access to me? Not just physically, but mentally. It's what you focus on doesn't just influence your life, it builds it. Welcome back to All God's Grace. Kendra Carter here, broker associate in Columbus, Ohio. And I've been thinking a lot about focus lately. And I didn't just want this to be me talking to you guys today. So I wanted to find somebody that does this really well, focus, and has a lot of authority in the space, not only in real estate, but in motherhood. So I've got Brittany McAllister here. Welcome to the show. Tell us a little bit about this real estate superstar and super mom that you are.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

Well, thank you for having me. I think that uh so I'm sitting at my office and Liv, my director of ops, is here too. And I think she would probably laugh to hear that I am gonna be on a podcast talking about focus because I don't know that I'm the most focused. I think being in real estate and being a mom, I think uh has forced me to be focused because of just the hats that we wear and like when we're wearing them and all those things. So I'm really excited to talk to you. I'm so excited you reached out. I think this will be a really good conversation. Yes, for those of you that don't know, I like Kendra said, I am in Omaha, Nebraska. I am a mom, a wife. I'm a second generation realtor. So my mom got her real estate license when I was 11, and that was what I wanted to be when I grew up. And so here we are. I know we don't always talk about like tuning our own horns. So I don't really know. Like I sell a decent amount of houses. I have a lot of past clients that are incredible. My business is built on referrals. I've been doing this 11 years now, full time. So yes, I like to think of yes, over a decade. I know. So I like to think of it. There's like the eight years before I had kids as in real estate, and then there's the last three years as like realtor Britney as a mom. And so I think the last three years have totally shaped just this entire conversation that we're gonna have today. So I'm really excited for people to hear that. I did all the things, got the awards, the National Association of Realtor 30 under 30, and the this and the that. And I think all of that's awesome. And then I became a mom and I was like, oh my gosh, none of that matters. Like, and it just totally changes when you're running a business without ego. I think that's been a really big one. And I'm sure, like, just with your podcast, you've or or will talk about it or have talked about it. But I think when you run a business because you truly enjoy it and you love helping people and like you're passionate about that, I think that just shines through. And I would say over the last three years for sure, which we'll get into it, but that is really, I think, why my business has flourished over the last three years is because of just yeah, having like a servant heart running a business in a way that is not ego driven. And it took me a long time to learn that because I was 21 and bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when I got into this business. And I thought awards were everything. So I'm excited to talk with you today.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

Awards are awards are fun. Sometimes the gratitude feels good for your stuff. I'm just curious, what are the pictures behind you on the wall?

SPEAKER_02 3:46

Oh, yes. Okay, so la was that the beginning of last year? Beginning of last year, Liv started taking, she had a polar has a Polaroid camera. So she just started taking like fun photos of things that we were doing. So there's like some have my kids, some have like houses we sold. There's kind of a, yeah, a whole bunch of whole bunch of random things. But yeah, we're like, oh, we'll just keep it going. And then yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

I love that. I love that. Okay, so without further ado, we're gonna get into it. Um, and just so y'all know, Britney and I, this happened yesterday. So Brittany put a post on Instagram about focus, which we are gonna talk about later. And this last month, I hope I don't cry today, by the way, Brittany, but it's very possible. I have had a month, but a full disclosure, I've been putting off the podcast. I was supposed to, I released every other Tuesday, and we had a really big episode coming up because if you were here for the last one, Emily Tapman was here. Um, and we set her up on a blind date.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 4:52

And the whole purpose of episode 10 was to deliver the result and the experience of said blind date. And then a whole bunch of things happened in the interim. Emily went to Vegas and I didn't plan accordingly, and I missed our podcast. So more on that later, but um, I'll just dive right in. I had several wake-up calls that brought me to this purpose of today of focus. I had a pretty disgusting harassment stalker situation. To bear you the details, it was mentally, emotionally draining. The kind of big piece of it was he called me and he called me 14 times in 24 hours. And the last time he called, I was behind my car at Bridge Park in Dublin, and he told me to call him back when I got in my car. And I was like, um, wait. He knew where I was, he described what I was wearing, and I I called 911, I got in the car. This is again the like teenth time he had called me in 24 hours. So Dublin police got there pretty quickly. My mom, bless her heart, stayed on the phone with me while I had a panic attack. And the cops got there. I had to write it all down. Anyway, um, the next day came and I went into KW Dublin, my office in Dublin, and other realtors there were like, Do you remember anybody? Do you remember any showings? Do you have any listings right now? Did anything weird happen? And I'm like, No, no, no, nothing weird has happened. This is out of nowhere. And I remember three weeks prior, I had a request for a showing, and it came in through my homes.com portal, and they're like verified. It's got a phone number, an email. And I used the Formorn app, which is for those of you that aren't in real estate, it's like a background check to stay safe. And he had like 49 possible convictions and nine felonies for SA, burglary, assault, like all the horrible things. Nine different convictions. So I called my seller and I said, Yeah, I'm not gonna be doing this showing, but you know, if you want to do it, you can. He's got pit bulls, he's he's safe in his in his property. He's like, Yeah, go ahead, schedule it. So I text the person and I said, Hey, just FYI, I won't be there at the showing. My seller's gonna let you in. Nothing. That's it. So the next day I text my seller and I said, Hey, I said, How did that showing go? And he goes, Oh, he didn't show up. So after I text the guy and told him that I wouldn't be there, he didn't go. So anyway, flash forward three weeks after that, I remember that voice clear as day. I 100% remember it. So I'm driving in the car, I call my husband, and I'm like, hey, I think I figured out who this guy is, and I'm on my way home. I just went into a tizzy, started thinking about all the things like, what if I had unlocked the door? What if I had gone? So I drove straight to the shooting range and I got to the shooting range and I had a freaking meltdown. Like I had my gun in my purse, and then you read on the door, like when you get there, it says you have to have your weapon on your person. And I like panicked because I'm like, it's in my purse, and I'm crying and I'm shaking. And I start to not pass out. But I guess my legs just went weak and I was in front of the counter and I'm like, I've got a gun in my purse. And they're like, What is this crazy woman doing here? So anyway, I cried and I cried and I cried and called my husband and I'm hysterical. And he's, what happened? What happened? And I'm like, nothing. I'm at the gun store. And he's like, Why are you calling me in hysterics? And I'm like, I just wanted to let you know that I'm fine, I'm on my way home. So anyway, they took all of my money. I got my bullets, I got my defense bullets, I joined the women's shooting club, I joined a premium membership, and I have been there and making sure that I am safe, that I am ready to rock and roll, I got my CCW. I am not scared now. Well, I am I am not distracted. I am ready, but I am not not scared. So I got my CCW, and then as if that wasn't a red flag enough to like focus and not be distracted, Brittany. I got a distracted driving ticket. Oh no. Guess what? Leaving turf mortified, mortified. I was changing Spotify for my son, and he claims I wasn't, but I was. Um, so I got a distracted driving ticket, and you can pay online, but it's apparently more um expensive than if you actually show up for court. So I did the whole thing. I showed up for court. I took the 90-minute class, which honest to God, for anybody listening, if you have teen drivers or if you just are like struggling being on your phone, take this course because I'm grateful. I'm actually grateful. Um, it was only $89. I learned a great lesson. Don't put on crazy frog for your five-year-old. Um, okay, so I got a distracted driving ticket and I beat myself up about that. Like I am a 40-year-old woman and I just got a ticket for being on my phone in my car. Um, and we forget a lot. Sto signs, picking up the phone. Like, I'm not gonna put you on the spot and ask you if you do that. But um then it happened.

SPEAKER_02 10:19

I got a speeding ticket on the way to a listing appointment a couple weeks ago. And I wasn't even in a hurry. It was a beautiful day. The sun was out, and I was just driving really fast. And so it's heavy. Yes, I've been there.

SPEAKER_00 10:33

Super embarrassing. So I've got like this online stalker. By the way, it's not over. Every couple days, he shows up on my Instagram, and it's the same thing every time. It's half nude chick with one follower or no post, no following. And my husband and my sisters have fought with me. They're like, oh, it's just a bot. I don't have bots on my Instagram. I've got a thousand followers. There's something going on there. So every other day I'm checking it. I find a new one every three to five days, which has got me on nervous system alert. And so, anyway, the third thing was Spotify. I've got a premium membership, and this book popped up, an auto audio book called Free to Focus. And we're gonna talk about it today, but life changing. Life changing for the season that I'm in. Um, again, we're gonna talk about that today, but that was a third thing. And then the fourth thing that like kind of just hit me in the face this week, a really, really, really close friend of mine really, really, really hurt me. And like I cried. I cried and it broke me. I'm probably in too many group chats where I had to vent about this because I needed to get it off my chest. It it really hurt. People at my brokerage, like my real estate coach, like this was heavy. I really had to get it off my chest. So all these things happened and like everything was hitting me at once. All this bad stuff, the harassment, the ticket, the situation with my friend, it felt like crash after crash after crash. And I was, what am I doing wrong? Are these signs that I'm doing something wrong? And then what I asked myself is am I slipping? Am I not grounded? Am I not focused? And this is gonna sound really crazy, but but I stepped on a snake. I stepped, I literally, I literally stepped on a snake. Let me see for those of you on here. I stepped on a snake and I was like, okay, I am being tested. These are not, I'm not doing something wrong. I'm not not focused. I am on it. I am in my Bible every day. I am feeling good. I'm feeling focused, I'm feeling productive. But I really feel like the snake was like my Satan sign. Like he's just coming after me because I feel so good, because I'm doing all the things that I'm supposed to be doing. But still, it was a great reminder of like focus, slow down, flip the script on what productivity looks like, and get off my butt about not doing the podcast and not showing up. So it was Monday morning this Bible verse came up, and I want to know if this speaks to you, Britney, but it was Matthew 16, 24. Whoever wants to follow him must deny themselves, take up their cross and follow him. And I always thought that like meant sacrifice, like giving things up, doing less, being smaller. But that's not what it is. It's just to relinquish control. Let it go. You can't control everything, and you don't have to prove anything. So I don't know, does that resonate with you at all? It does.

SPEAKER_02 13:45

I think there's a lot of lessons like that that have for sure come up over the last several years, even in my in my business, but also my life. Just that idea that we can't control everything for sure. And you probably don't even know this necessarily, but so my daughter, Morgan, she'll be three in a couple weeks. So it's been almost three years since she was born. When she she was born, I was only 27 weeks pregnant. So she was three months early. She was only one pound three ounces when she was born, and had, I mean, they had told us maybe a 40 to 50% chance of survival. She is a true miracle. And that was three years ago. And that was my first pregnancy, and just like everything came to a halt at that moment. And so a lot of what I pretty much everything I do at this point is surrounded, like has to do with that. And she is totally fine, like, absolutely is incredible, a complete miracle. She was in the NICU nine months, and then before we even got her home from the hospital, we found out we were pregnant with Colin. So we I brought two babies home in 2024. And I didn't know that part. Yes. So Morgan was came home in January from the hospital, and then Colin was born in August. And that is like everything with Morgan was a complete just right in my face of like, you just really have to control the controllable. Like, if it's there's really nothing, like you have no idea what's happening. Every single day is different. There were good days, there's bad days. They call it like the Nikki roller coaster for any moms who've had NICU babies. You know, things can be looking up and everything's good. And then the next day, like something totally random happens and is not good. And so it really was so far out of my control that all we could do was we had so many people, really nationwide, at that point, that were praying for her and thinking of us and just all those things. So you just only can control what you can control. And that was like for me, I would just work at the hospital. And so crazy because so many real estate transactions came from that experience because I was building relationships with nurses and doctors and just all these other people that were up there, other moms. And so, of course, my mom is like, you would find business in the Nikki. And I'm like, Well, I didn't do it on purpose. That's just where I was at. And so that's where my time was spent, and those were the relationships I was making at the time. And so the idea of, yes, it's like, I don't know, I'm like, this sounds really lame to it, but like that, like, let go. Like, God, there's just so many things of like truly you can't control it. And then on top of that, the second part of what you were talking about is really what my entire team at this point is made up of. So, like the idea that we cannot do everything and do everything well. And so I really, really, when Morgan was born, and then definitely after Colin was born, having two under two, leaned into the idea that leverage is everything. And so I only have so much time in the day. And so was leveraging a lot of things and like done is better than perfect. And I think as a real estate agent for eight years who was doing almost everything or trying to do almost everything completely alone, I realized like I might not be the best person to do X, Y, Z. And so really got intentional about leveraging and letting people into my business and letting them help me. And that allows me to show up more present for my clients, more present for my family, more present for myself, like all those things. And so I'm excited to talk about all that stuff today because it's not we're not perfect. I'm not like on here being like, oh my gosh, I'm the pillar of all things focused. That's not true, but work in progress. I've just learned a lot in the last three years. So I'm excited to share those things.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

Well, I'm just kind of sitting here in disbelief. So I think this is my sixth year in real estate, and you you've done way more volume than I have. But I have two kids, 10 and five, and I'm building a house. I mean, I've been building a house for two and a half years now, but I have two admins, and I have had an admin for two years. So that's three years in real estate. I have relied on admins. So you are a literal superhero for being eight years in doing the volume muted and just now bringing on Liv. Liv, Liz, Liv, yeah, Liv's been with me, what, four years?

SPEAKER_02 18:13

So we had like, yeah, it's had some admin help before year eight for sure. But Liv can probably attest. Like, I so for example, we also have a VA now, Allie. And so Allie was the one who made that reel that you saw that about like all that kind of stuff. And so it was funny because they were working on something and I said, just let, just post it. I don't, I don't care, just post it. And Liv was like, What? And I was like, Yeah, I don't care. Like, it's fine. She's like, I was like, What why? Why are you surprised? She's like, Because when I started, like you had to fact check everything. You were the one that had to post it, you had to do this, you had to do that. Like, she's like, and now you're just letting Allie just roll with the entire account. And I was like, Yeah. I'm like, yep, that's it. Like, so even Liv in her four years, it's been what, four years or almost five years with me, has seen that growth firsthand of like from complete control freak who's like, hey, you can make it, but here's exactly how I need it to look. And here's what I'm gonna post it, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that, to now where I'm letting them just roll with it because I just know that that like they're good at it. And like that's the other thing too. So the third thing about what you said is I think when you let people in and you let people help, like that is also letting them carry out what they're here to do. So I have Liv Liv works for me full time. And like if she wasn't with me, like I don't know where you would be or what you'd be working on. So she's getting to have opportunities, not be like, oh my gosh, because of me, but because we're opening doors. Like, I think sometimes, sometimes when you're playing big and you think that it's supposed to all be yours, you're not letting in the right people. Or if you're like playing really small, even though there's like a voice in your head that's like, oh my gosh, you could go do this or go do that. Like, I think when we go do those things, that lets the right people into our lives to open opportunities that they're supposed to have too.

SPEAKER_00 20:00

Yeah, that's a really good point. And it's funny that you mentioned that about getting giving control away because Brittany the other day, Brittany is my one of my admins. Okay, she like sent me a graphic and she's like, is this okay? And I text her back, I D G A F. And she was like, What? And I was like, just post it. Like, it's fine. And then she posted it and I went in and I made my own. She was like, I'm gonna kill you. Like, you literally told me you didn't care. And then you still went in and did your own thing. But I do have I have three agents on my team. So even though I didn't post the one that she did, I was very grateful that you know she helped. Um, and I I did really relinquish control. So, on that same thing, going back to all my drama and my month, so I had those bad things happen and then I stepped on a snake. And I swear, I know that that sounds stupid as heck, but I cannot tell you the dots that all connected when I stepped on the snake. Here I was thinking that I was doing things wrong, and that's why these bad things were happening to me when really I just needed to let go. I needed to chill out. And I was talking to Chat GPT because we're friends, and it was like you keep gripping tighter when you're supposed to be surrendering deeper. And I was like, dang, okay, like I'll pay you for this session. But I think that's so true because I thought that I was doing things right, and then I was beating myself up and all this self doubt, and that was making me a control freak. Okay, so with all of these happening, all of this stuff happening and kind of what you said, did you feel like at the time that you were disciplined in your systems? Or did you feel like you were letting go? How long did you fight that? Control before you were like, okay, live and VA, take it away. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 22:05

So I do think for gosh. I think I it all sort of this all like weaves together. And I was telling you before we got on, like I was on a podcast yesterday, we were talking about goals and boundaries. And it's just crazy because I think that all of these work together. And whether you're a real estate mom or a mom not doing real estate or like entrepreneur or sales or just any type of anything, I think all of these lessons play a part because a lot of times we can hear people go through something. And until we go through it personally, we're like, oh yeah, that sounds nice. And then you're in it and you're like, oh my gosh, I remember this one time. I heard a girl say, and then it comes back to you because yes, around like just that idea of relinquishing or just I like with systems, I would say that I didn't really have a choice. And I think that's sometimes that's how it happens is like you have good intentions. I'll do it when blah, blah, blah. Oh, I'll I'll set up that system when blah, blah, blah. And then we just never get around to it. And so that's one of the things that I have talked about recently is we also use the word system, whatever you're currently doing in whatever category, whether it's we talk about buyers or sellers or just your schedule in general, whether that's your personal schedule, your work-life schedule, just all of that is a system. So I think once you can recognize that, whatever you're currently doing is a system. And it's not whether it's like the system's not even necessarily good or bad. I think what you need to look at is in whatever category, and I think that's one of the things that we had put together was like, in whatever category of life, for example, or things. So let's say, I don't know, let's just say a system for my team. So the leverage I had. I don't even necessarily think that the system was good or bad. It was like, am I getting the result I want? And so at the time, we totally had to switch up, okay, I can't go show houses anymore because I need to be at the hospital with Morgan. And so that was what created the idea for leverage around showings. And so if somebody would have said that to me before Morgan was born, I would have been like, oh, that's really nice and cute. You don't show houses, that's cool for you. I'm happy. And then after Morgan, there was not an option. Like I was not going to leave the hospital to go show that house. And it wasn't that I didn't care that my client saw the house. I need them to see the house if they want it. My value, and that was really it was a value conversation. I realized realized during all of that with Morgan that my value isn't necessarily being the one to open the door and show them the house. My value was, okay, I need them to see the house. Yes. And then in the meantime, I'm gonna look up the comps. I'm gonna talk to the other agent, build that rapport. And then when the time comes that they're ready to make an offer, I already have all that stuff ready. And so then, like, I can make the best offer for them and negotiate the best for them and make sure they get the house they want. And so it all started when Morgan was in the hospital, but then it carried through because, like, oh my gosh, we went from, you know, you have two or three, I don't know, however many buyers you're working with at a time, and you have you can only be in one place at a time. And I think that is what really started that entire idea of like you have to be where you are and you have to give your attention to the things that are right in front of you. Or that's when that guilt starts creeping in of, you know, oh gosh, I didn't pay attention to that client when I was with them because I was thinking about that other client, or I wasn't paying attention to my kids because at their game or their practice or their dinner or whatever, because I was texting so and so. And so all of those ideas wrapped into one of like your system is all around like, are you getting what you want out of life? And then in that category. And then you move on to the next. Okay, cool. My buyers are happy, everyone's happy. What's the next thing? Okay, my kids, I need to spend more time with my kids. Like, what does that system look like? Well, I'm not good at cleaning houses, or like I'm just not good at cleaning, really. I don't know if that's an excuse, but whatever. So, like, I'd rather when I get home, like hang out with my kids with the time I do have rather than like vacuum. I don't know. And so fine, we have someone that comes to clean the house. And like, I think that's just leverage. So if you look at all those things as leverage, I think it it's really just a matter of you only have so much time in a day. And so, what can you control? What are you gonna focus your time on? And that's really like how this whole thing has snowballed into what it is now.

SPEAKER_00 26:27

Can I just say I'm jealous of your cleaning lady? I'm a control freak. And I know there are a ton of people that clean their house before the cleaners come. I hear that all the time. Yep. And I hear people make fun of themselves for cleaning the house before the cleaning lady comes. And I know I mentioned to you we're we're not building a house. We built an addition bigger than our house. Okay. Onto our house. But like we have like a rectangle of the original house, and then like this back portion in the middle between the two parts. It's literally like a six-foot section of cinder block and like plywood and an exposed roof. I can't begin to explain to a cleaning person what to do because my old kitchen is full of laundry because eventually the di the dryer and the washer are gonna go in the old kitchen where the stove and the dishwasher currently are. Yep. So I'm jealous of that. But it's weird, but I really, really thoroughly like to clean. And I'm not surprised because I'll call my mom. I'm very close with my mom. She's been really close with me lately, helping me through the whole like stalker gate thing. But this week, especially, she's in a phase. I'm like, mom, what are you doing today? And she's like, Oh, I'm gonna wash down the walls and I'm gonna take all the pictures off the wall and I'm gonna dust. I'm like, You're psycho. You are crazy. Anyway, um, so let's get into the free to focus book because I feel like we just made it there. Um, this book totally shifted how I see time, productivity, and attention. And I cannot wait to hear your feedback and your thoughts on this. Um so we don't have a time problem. It's a focus problem. 60% of people say they don't have enough time. 60% of people, that's over half of people say they don't have enough time. But every three minutes we get distracted. Every three minutes, statistically speaking, every three minutes. So are you a multitasker, Brittany?

SPEAKER_02 28:45

Yes, although I know that multitasking is like a myth.

SPEAKER_00 28:49

Yeah, because every three minutes, okay, so let's say you're doing two tasks at once, and then every three minutes you're getting distracted. So now how many tasks are you doing at once? Right. And then when does that task diminish your productivity? Right.

SPEAKER_02 29:05

Liv actually complimented me this morning and said that I'm really good at focusing on one task at a time. So this is like speaking of systems, this is a really along those lines, a really easy like thing to do in the mornings. Every morning I wake up and I type to my team, we call it our intentions. And I type, it's usually we try to keep it three to five on busy days, it gets kind of long. We don't call it a to-do list, we call it intentions. So these are my intentions for the day. And I write the things that are like the must-do's. And then at the bottom of our intentions is uh an I am statement. So, and that's like a very just a grounding statement for the day that kind of gives everyone an indication of like where are they at. So, like some days it's like I am patient. And so they might be thinking, like, oh, she's got no patience today. Or, you know, like I am calm, I release control, just whatever your I am statement is for the day. And then at the end of the day, we go in and we reply back to with green check marks or red X's, what got done and what didn't. And that is really like I use that as my guide for the day. Because if I set the intention in the morning, it was obviously important to me that it got done. And then if it didn't get done at the end of the day, obviously we know that we can be pulled in a hundred different directions. So it just throughout the day, I'll go back to that text. Okay, what was important to me at the beginning of the day? And I can get some of the things. Some of the things it's like, yeah, that felt important at the beginning of the day. And after the day I've had it, it wasn't important after all. And so, of course, not everything gets done every day. I just that's a that's one thing that when I am focusing on something, it's because okay, I know I can be quicker if I just focus and get it done right now and move on to the next thing.

SPEAKER_00 30:45

I love that. I very similar, I had like a daily huddle that I was doing for my team. And it was like five or six slides are office exclusives, um, the mortgage rate of the day, anything that changed in our pipeline. And it just wasn't, it wasn't a vibe. Like I didn't feel like it was producing an action. Like there was no, yeah, you can open it and see what the rate is, but you can also open mortgage daily rate on your phone and get it. Um, now you can't get all the things curated together like I had, but I really like that daily intention instead because I think it was just yesterday. I have two sets of paperwork that I need to do for clients, and I've been putting it off for like a week in it's the top of my to-do list. But I keep not doing it. So why has it not been important to me?

SPEAKER_02 31:37

And it's really good to do it in the group chat because you can see there's no judgment, obviously. If somebody sends it and it's all red X's, for me as the team leader, I'm like, oof, they had a bad day. I should check in. But for them, there's no judgment in like, but then if we do get all greens, we're like Slay Queen, yeah, it's like go off, like you had a great day. So it's nice because you're getting celebrated when you're having a good day. And then when it's a lot of reds, it's like, oof, okay, are you okay? Is everything good? Um, but they also can probably see stuff on each other's lists that like the VA or that live might be like, hey, I saw you, this was on your list. Like, that's not your thing. Like, I can do that. I can take that off your list. I'm like, okay, sweet. Or, and so it's nice to it has that without has it being there without doing like the daily huddle where you're like, okay, was that a waste of 15 minutes of our, you know, valuable time? But like, just like you said, it's not a time problem, it's a focus problem.

SPEAKER_00 32:29

Yeah. Um, here's something it's also an access problem. We spend 70 hours a week on screens, Brittany. Did you know that? 70 hours a week on screens. If you had to guess, how many people check their email before work? Percentage.

SPEAKER_01 32:47

Before work. Ooh, I'd say at least 80. Do you think you're exactly right?

SPEAKER_00 32:53

You're exactly right. 80% of people check their email before work. Okay, you can't get this one right. How many people check it before getting out of bed?

SPEAKER_02 33:04

Well, I'm one of them, so I don't know. I would say if 80 are checking, I mean probably 50% of those 80.

SPEAKER_00 33:13

30% of people check their email before getting out of bed. We don't have a time problem. We have an access problem.

SPEAKER_01 33:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:20

What are you letting into your life? What are you giving access to your time that shouldn't be there? And this is kind of what you're saying with your team, the intention. Like, where are you, where are you putting your priorities and your focus? Yeah. So this was so interesting. In the well, let me ask you this first. What is your definition of productivity? That's I don't know if anyone's ever asked me that.

SPEAKER_02 33:46

I don't know. I guess for me, I'm I am very goal-oriented. So like I know when I finish the day, like if I if I was productive or not. And I would say I guess for me, I think of productivity because of like sales as like, okay, I found a new client or I talked to someone new. So like I'm always thinking about productivity in terms of getting more business into the pipeline. So that's how I think of productivity. But I also think it probably depends on the day because there's days where being productive could also just look like being present. I think if that was, if I like interchanged those words, I probably would have a lot more clarity. Like if I based productivity on was I present and whatever the thing was, I'd probably feel a lot better.

SPEAKER_00 34:38

I feel like you read the show notes.

unknown 34:40

I did.

SPEAKER_01 34:41

That's exactly what I mean.

SPEAKER_02 34:42

I really don't like no, that's good. But that also, when you were talking about like access to you, a really big thing is like, do you open social media before you get out of bed? And I think the and same with the news. Like I used to watch the news every morning and now I don't even turn on the TV. And it's not because I'm like ignorant to those things or like, oh my gosh, I'm not, you're not gonna know what's going on in the world. I promise you, you will know what's going on in the world. And you don't need a TV or the news or social media to know. Like you'll just have interactions with people and you'll know what's going on in the world. But I think if you are opening your email or you're opening your social media before you get out of bed, my question would be like, are you letting what you just saw dictate the day you're gonna have?

SPEAKER_00 35:20

Like, and not just that, but like cloud what you need to focus on. Yes. So I love that you're saying this because my business coach, Dan Damott, um, he's down in Florida. You probably know him, but he was just saying the other day that he had to stop watching the news because it was not good for his brain. And I think kind of in tandem when all this stuff started in Iran, like I just in all the the political blah blah, I just it's not that I get into the politics and I want to talk about it. It's just negative. It's just clouding what I need. And I also stopped looking at my phone first thing in the morning. I do the Bible app. Do you do the Bible app?

SPEAKER_02 36:10

Like, no, I used to. I I used to have like where I get like a verse every day.

SPEAKER_00 36:14

Yeah, yeah. Well, I I actually the verse every day is like the cherry on top. And I I feel like I've tried to give myself a goal of like writing down the verse every day and like memorizing the verse every day. Maybe I'll put that on my vision board for 27. But I feel like if I just start the day on my Bible app, the video of the person talking, like it always gives me something. Like that Matthew verse, um the Matthew 16, 24, that was Monday morning and that like changed my whole week. It was like, hey, you are being selfish, letting all of these things get in the way of what you said you were gonna do. Like I beat myself up that I didn't get my podcast done last Tuesday. But it's because I was like going in the shell of all the crap that was going on um that I didn't do it. So anyway, um, a little off topic there, but productivity is defined as doing more faster. So what happens if we keep doing more faster burnout? We are going to get burnout 100% of the time. You're going to get burnout. And it's like when is more enough? Like kind of what you were saying about your goals at the beginning. Like you you were setting goals and you were hitting the milestones and you were getting the trophies and you were 30 under 30. But like, when is more enough? Like, where does it stop?

SPEAKER_02 37:47

And in real estate or in sales in general, like it doesn't. Like you keep going, you keep going, or just anything where you're rewarded based on the outcome, which is pretty much everything always. Like, whether you're in the gym and you're working out, or you're, you know, whatever the thing is, you're usually rewarded for the outcome, not the process and not the journey. And so that's also really interesting because I think it's like we learn to be happy when the thing is done, not happy as we're going through it. And that was like a really big thing, I would say. I mean, and just as a parent, like looking at three things through that lens too, is like we're in it. Like we're in the thick of it. And it's there are days that are hard and there's hours that are hard, and then there's time, like, but like we don't get this time back. So, and it's not a thing that like they're gonna graduate, and I'm like, oh my gosh, where's my award? Like, I did it, like, yay! Like, no, you're gonna be sad. You're gonna like miss, you're like excited for what's to come, but sad. And I heard a mom said this the other day um that I was talking to. She's like, I think that we're always grieving something because you're like looking back and you're grieving, like, oh my gosh, I missed when they were babies, and I missed when they were this, and I'm like, and so I've been that's been heavy on my mind of like living in a way that you yes, you'll always miss it because you're not there, but like doing your very best to not collect moments where you feel like you're missing, like being present and being mindful and like being, it really is like what you focus on expands. And that's what you were in like the last month of like whether that's clients or just experience going on. And the more you focus on those things, the more you attract that. And that is, I might be jumping ahead, but that was really like that the right fit filter that I was telling you about with for clients is, you know, of course, we're not trying to fire clients all the time. We're just looking at is this client the right fit? Or is this person the right fit? It doesn't even have to be a client, it could be someone that you're allowing into your life. If they are like sucking the life out of you, or there's anything about them that's a yellow flag or a red flag in any way, like that's going to carry over into other things. So, I mean, we've all had it. Like if you have a bad client and you're like, you're driving home and you're just frustrated about whatever, and then you walk in the door and your kids are like, like everyone's excited and you're like, oh, like this client and like your kids don't know that that was happening. Like they just want to be happy because you're happy. Like they want to be there with you. And so that's one thing that's been really heavy on my mind is like, okay, not letting those things bleed over into the time with my kids. And so what you focus on expands. Okay, so if you're focusing on negative clients and negative things that happened and that listing that you lost and that mean client that wasn't asked, I don't even say those words, bad things, like they were mean to you. Like, what are you gonna get more of? Probably more of that. More lost listings and more lost clients and more mean clients. And that's why it's really important to not let those people have access to you. Like, speaking of access, so going back to how can you surround yourself with as many positive things and looking for the positive, it's it's all about like the RAS. I don't know. Remember in bold, they talked about RAS. It's like when you get a new car and it's red, and then all of a sudden you see all the red cars on the street. It's just like that. And so, like, I think if you start your morning with gratitude or just yeah, like a Bible app, or just starting your morning with focusing on the good things. And then as the day goes on, you're gonna continue looking for more good things because that's what you're looking for. I think, in addition to like intentions, I used to write when Morgan was in the NICU, I have it on my phone. When Morgan was in the NICU, every single day I wrote five things that I was grateful for. And I wrote them down in my notes app. And it was five things, and it was, and I always wrote it. It wasn't just like I listed like water, sun, like I wrote like, I am grateful for the sunshine because it allows, you know, things to grow and for me to feel warm and tan and happy. And like, so I wrote what I was grateful for and why. And I swear, like that made me go find other things to be grateful for because what you focus on expands.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

Uh, thank you so much for listening. I didn't realize it at the time, but everything that was happening wasn't random. It was forcing me to look at one thing, my focus, because when everything feels out of control, what you give your attention to matters more than ever. So in the next episode, we're diving deeper into that productivity, focus, and what actually deserves access to your life. Join us for part two in the next episode.