Beyond Ordinary Podcast

5: The Truth About Love, Healing & Intentionality | Miahjé

• Myles • Season 1 • Episode 5

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0:00 | 1:03:22

I sit down with Miahjé for a deep conversation about love, healing, faith, purpose, self discovery, and what it really means to become who you need to be. We talk about her writing journey, why love is a mirror, why no one is coming to save you, dating with intention, and the messy process of growth that people usually do not talk about.

Miahjé's Substack: https://substack.com/@misoulreflectio...

00:00 – Intro
01:59 – Who Are You Without Labels?
04:18 – Favorite Howard Memories & Freshman Week
06:29 – Lessons From Line Sister Trips
09:10 – Why She Started Writing on Substack
13:01 – Love Is a Mirror: Relationships Reflect You
19:42 – Non-Negotiables & Being Equally Yoked
24:24 – The Biggest Lie About Love
33:41 – “No One Is Coming to Save Me” Realization
38:20 – Taking Your Power Back
49:51 – Fear of Being Seen & Starting Anyway
54:25 – How Faith Changed Her View on Love
55:35 – Healing, Transformation & Becoming Someone New
1:00:18 – The Long Game: Why Growth Takes Time
1:01:26 – Creating Without Expectations
1:02:44 – Final Message

SPEAKER_03

Well it's recording?

SPEAKER_00

It is recording. How are you feeling? How are you feeling? It's a long time coming.

SPEAKER_03

I'm excited.

SPEAKER_00

I'm excited too. And I was just going through your subsect right before this, and you said life is about to get crazy. By the way, if you're watching this right now, subscribe. Yes. We're about to drop a banger today. Okay. This is Miyaje. Can't say the last name because she hey look, she almost beat me up off camera because I told her that I was gonna drop her last name. I had to delete that out the show notes. You know what I mean? Oof. But you said life was about to get crazy good for you on SubSeg. What exciting news do you have to share?

SPEAKER_03

I have exciting news to share. Um, it's just the feeling I have.

SPEAKER_00

Which is ex explain that I'm about to birth something.

SPEAKER_03

Oh you never like you're in a transition space in your life. I feel like I shed it, I released, I let go a lot of things, and I'm on the the bridge of my breakthrough. So I feel that. Like I feel that in my body, in my soul. So I can't tell you like exactly what it's gonna be or like I had this coming through the pipeline, but like I my life is about to look drastically different.

SPEAKER_00

Like, so did you just wake up one day and have this feeling? Have you been working on something that you just been whether it could it's yourself or a project, like what got you feeling this way at this moment?

SPEAKER_03

I would say myself. I've been really pouring into myself, learning a lot about myself. I think that like collectively we're in a different space. I know the new year was January, but technically speaking, like the the new year, like astrologically speaking, it just started March 21st. I think that we're going through some shifts on the planet, a spiritual awakening for a lot of people. So I think that there's a really strong energy out into the world. And this is a good time to capitalize off of it.

SPEAKER_00

So Okay, okay. We kind of just dove right in. Miyage, you or how it along, Zeta. You know, sister Christ, like if you could explain who you are, like who is Miyage?

SPEAKER_03

That's a loaded question. You know how many times I get that question and I'm like, dang.

SPEAKER_00

You don't even know what to say.

SPEAKER_03

Who am I? I'm just me. I'm one of the kind. I think that question can be difficult to answer because the first thing that we want to gravitate towards is like labels, right? Like I'm a I'm a sister, I'm a friend, I am a partner. Uh, or maybe going to start with like whatever role I may have at work. Um, but kind of going back to doing a lot of work these years, it's been a lot of like pulling back the layers like who are you like outside of that? Like outside of friendships, outside of relationships, outside of a job, outside of a career. And I don't know if I quite have the words to articulate it.

SPEAKER_00

Miyaje don't have words to articulate. I don't know if I have to do it. She'd be I'm telling you, she be on substack home crazy type.

SPEAKER_03

That's why I said it's such a loaded question. How do I even answer that? It's it's one of those things you just got to know me to experience me. And the people are trying to know in real life and feel my energy in real life to like get a sense of who I am. But I'm like, I am, I'm a very strong person, I'm very strong-minded. You could say that. I'm very straight to the point. Uh yeah, I don't even know.

SPEAKER_00

You don't even know. Still discovering?

SPEAKER_03

Still discovering certain aspects of it. Trying to get the language, trying to develop what the language is. Okay. To answer that question properly.

SPEAKER_00

You know, I've thought about that too, in terms of like, who am I? And I don't even got that answer either. And I don't even like, you know, putting labels on things like, oh, I'm a podcaster or a Sigma or some stuff like that. It's just like, oh, you mind muting that by the way?

SPEAKER_03

Lo siento.

SPEAKER_00

It's okay. You know what I'm saying? Party file, not even five minutes in, but it's okay.

SPEAKER_03

You may have out.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, I'm a well, I'll probably see.

SPEAKER_02

My phone was like glitching.

SPEAKER_00

It's all good. But I was just saying that, like, I don't know, like I don't like to like put myself in a box, but I'm also still, you know, trying to figure out who I am.

SPEAKER_03

Because that's not who you are. Like you being the Sigma of podcast. Again, those are labels.

SPEAKER_00

Labels.

SPEAKER_03

Who are you? Like at your core. And it takes time to figure that out. And it takes time to get the words to be able to articulate that properly. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So we met at Howard University.

SPEAKER_03

We did.

SPEAKER_00

The Mecca. We did. The best HBCU on the planet. Is your favorite Howard memory?

SPEAKER_03

It's my favorite Howard. You told me that you were gonna ask me this, and I tried to think about it, and I still don't have an answer.

SPEAKER_00

That's crazy. I typically never give folks the questions in advance, and they still don't come prepared.

SPEAKER_03

Because I I because Howard was such a great experience. I have so many good memories. It's hard to, I think we have a lot of good blue and white memories.

SPEAKER_00

So, like any one of those, any event we gotta get into the nitty-gritty, like we did this, this, this. It's story time.

SPEAKER_03

I'm trying to I have so many. Um favorite Howard memories. I would say probably something from freshman year. I had a lot of fun freshman year, maybe freshman week. Freshman week for people that don't know. I don't know. Do I look at you? Do I look at the camera?

SPEAKER_00

You can talk to the people.

SPEAKER_03

For people who don't know, freshman week is like it's a series of events on campus. It's Howard, so it's a lot of parties and it's the way of like getting to know people. I'm not outside much, but I was outside that week. And I just had so much fun. I that's when I've like met my my closest friends now. That's when I met who are now pro-fights like around freshman week that I've later connected with. So like I loved freshman week. Like that was freshman week. I was like, I'm so glad I committed to Howard because I was in between schools.

SPEAKER_00

I love I love freshman week too. And it's nothing like freshman year. And if I could relive one year, it would definitely be freshman year. Because just being just young, wild, and free, it's like you could make all the mistakes in the world and you would be okay because you was only like what? I was 18 when I went to Howard. I turned 19. It's like, uh, but now it's like it's hard to believe. That was 10 years ago for me, and it's like, fuck.

SPEAKER_03

Damn, it's been 10.

SPEAKER_00

You thought that was funny? But yeah, nah, it has been 10, it has been 10 years. Like when I started at Howard in fall of 2016, coming from California, I didn't really know nobody for real. It was only one dude that I knew because I played against him, like playing soccer, but like we wasn't like friends or anything. Right. But just being there and and meeting people freshman year, it's it was great. So, what's your favorite memory being a Zeta since you said there's so many?

SPEAKER_03

It has to be one of our brunches. We do brunch.

SPEAKER_00

We're going to brunch after this.

SPEAKER_03

We are, we are going to brunch after this. It has to be one of the brunches. Yeah, I want to say with my line, probably. We had a really nice brunch. Homecoming, I can't remember what.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I remember that was like when most people came, right? Yeah, it was a lot of us came. Like four?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Actually, no, I take that back. My favorite memory is the trip that we just went on.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah. Y'all did a y'all five-year trip. Yes. I'm glad that y'all's five-year trip went well. Because our five-year trip might be the last trip we take. Let me tell y'all about our five-year trip, man. It's one of those things where, you know, like you know all the memes of people that be talking about getting out the group chat and how it's like everybody swear they're going up until like 24 hours before. That is exactly how our five-year trip went. It went from like, it went from like damn near only maybe like two people weren't going, maybe three people wasn't going. And then maybe like only a few of y'all went. It was only like five of us that week. It was to the No, no, no. I said you not. It was to the point I was in the gym the day before the trip. I'm talking about lesson 24 hours before the trip. And Tyrese makes the group chat everybody who was going. It was like five of us. Me and FaZ were supposed to stay together. I saw the group chat. I said, What? It's only five. I called FaZe. I'm like, bro, do you see this group chat with all these people? He was like, What? He was like, You still trying to go? We were literally trying to back out of the trip. Lesson 20.

SPEAKER_03

But I was getting, I was talking to people through the grapevine, like, yeah, I'm supposed to be going, but they don't know. But I'm about to sit back on no more.

SPEAKER_00

What? Nah, we're about to talk about that on camera too. I'm gonna mind my business. That is crazy.

SPEAKER_03

We planned hours like so far in advance, and it was super organized. And y'all gotta start early.

SPEAKER_00

It's not that we don't start early. Here's the thing is what y'all did is what we're gonna, I'm going to attempt to do. I don't know. That last trip, like I think everybody's kind of like, you know what? I don't even know if we'll have a 10-year at this point. I'd be okay with just doing nail yeah and no trip, to be honest, because like I don't I don't see us doing a 10-year trip after what happened last time. Um but what y'all did, y'all did deposits. And we didn't do that. So we kind of just took everybody's word for it that they weren't gonna go.

SPEAKER_03

You can't, you gotta pick the deposit, you have to have a payment plan. Payments are gonna be taken out this time every month.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, see. Yeah. So that's that's why our trip was uh but we saw we saw y'all had a photographer. I was like, oh y'all did like baskets and stuff. I'm like, wow.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, so take back what I said about my favorite memory is brunch. My favorite memory with my line sisters is the trip. It's the trip. It's yeah, it was great.

SPEAKER_00

So, Miyaja, one of the biggest reasons why I wanted to sit down with you today is because I didn't know how great of a writer you was. Like you've been writing on Substack going crazy. I've read I've read every single word you've posted. And you could tell, especially like I really appreciate it because in the art in the age of AI, it's just so easy to like make light written content. But I could tell that you don't. It's like you could, like, I'm reading it and I feel like I'm like almost like there with you. And that's like really like an art. Like you're one of only two people that I know that I've had that experience with. I had a teacher in seventh grade, he was like the best history teacher. And like he didn't, like he would like, he would like turn the lights off, and like it was like he would like basically tell the story of like history. And like you have like that ability to like really pull people into like the story which you're writing, and I greatly appreciated it. Thank you. And so I just wanted to know like what even got you to want to share your writing to begin with.

SPEAKER_03

So I had the thought for quite some time. Writing is not new to me. I've always been writing, it's just not something that I necessarily shared. We talked about this before. That's why I have pens and pencils in my house because I'll be writing for real, and I'm a huge, like, I journal a lot. I've been journaling since I want to say elementary school. I didn't realize that it was journaling, but I You still got the journals from elementary school? I probably do. I have a lot of journals. My mom, like, she keeps like old essays and things like that. So I'm sure I can find it. But it was like pieces of lined paper, and I'm gonna write about things. I'm gonna write poems, things that are going on at school. I didn't know that that was journaling. And it was just really just like a an outlet for me. And I was thinking about things that I want to do this year, 2026, feeling like I wanna switch things up and wanting to make sure that I'm really utilizing the gifts, the talents that God has given me. And I was trying to figure out like what is my thing, and I was kind of having a conversation with my best friend about it. I was like, I don't know like what that would be. I did have a thought to like, you know, maybe share some of my writings because I'm I'm a very loquacious person. I love to keep it big words.

SPEAKER_00

I don't even know what that means.

SPEAKER_03

I'm a very talkative person. You know that like I'm getting deep, like you know, we go out to dinner, we go out to breakfast, we're gonna rat, we be on the phone, we have to connect with people. And I've posted on my my story from time to time some of my thoughts. I don't go on social media a lot, and I was like, I don't know what it would be other than that. And she's like, that is it. Like, that's actually perfect for you. So we had that conversation at the beginning of this year, and she really pushed me and was like, There's nothing else to talk about. Make page. So I did.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, okay. And so with these writings, right, a lot of it was well, maybe I shouldn't say a lot of it, but I I've got a lot of themes in terms of love, self-discovery. Like, what made you want to like start writing about that at first, as opposed to like, you know, other things?

SPEAKER_03

Things that are true to me. Um, I want to speak on things that I have experienced in real time because I think that's how I'm able to connect with people and it's it's real, and I think that's important, especially in this digital age. So I I write about the things that I have experienced that I can draw from that I'm going through in real time, and those are the things that I'm able to speak about right now, especially about, you know, what's that way?

SPEAKER_00

You know we're about to go. We gotta go there, real. You feel me?

SPEAKER_03

Especially with like, you know, we're talking about self-discovery and purpose and really trying to figure out who I am outside of like labels, expectations. That's is where my journey has taken me. So um, those are the things that came to mind.

SPEAKER_00

Cool, cool, cool. All right, well, let's get into the nitty-gritty now. Like, do I want to let's get it? We're gonna go, I call them quotables. Okay, quotables, y'all. Quotables to me are things like I read, like I said, I've read all of her writing, and there's certain quotes that like stood out to me, and we're gonna we're gonna dissect them. All right. Now, I I probably honestly should have referenced what uh which was which, but I just I just have to quote. So if we consistently attract people who are superficial, unkind, or disconnected, it may point to something within us that has not yet been examined.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, you're talking about the most recent one.

SPEAKER_00

So I just wanted you to expand on that. Like, is there anything that happened with you where you felt like you were attracting people that, you know, were these things superficial, unkind, or disconnected?

SPEAKER_03

No, thank God. Because I don't think that I'm a unkind, superficial person. So I don't connect those. But what I was talking about in reference to that is the idea is that love is a mirror. I think not even just love. A lot of the experiences that we have, the relationships that we create, the interactions with other people is just a reflection of what's going on with us internally. And I think to me, that was just a call to take a look at what's going on in the inside. Because I think it's it's natural, right? Like if you you're looking at your life and you're like, I want some things to change. The first reaction is okay, maybe get a new job or you know, leave this relationship, enter this new relationship. I want to change my appearance. Not to say that those aren't things that you shouldn't focus on that you can't focus on. But sometimes, depending on what you desire and what you're trying to bring into your life, that is not enough. You have to get to the core root, and the core root is the inside because the outside is a reflection of the inside. So I don't think that I've been in situations where I am like, oh, this person, I don't like this person. Why did I attract this type of person? That's a testament to like where I am. I've done a lot of work, so I'm not attracting those types of people, but I've definitely been in situations for sure where I was like, I don't know if I really like this, but I'm like, wait a minute, maybe they kind of like pointing to something within myself that I don't like or that I need to work through. Um so that's kind of where the thought process was behind that particular quote, and then in that section, just wanting to empore people to really think about that concept of love being a mirror. And when you meet other people, ask yourself like what is this person, this connection telling me about myself.

SPEAKER_00

And you know, I I I like that concept of love being a mirror, and you actually inspired me. Did you did? You inspired me.

SPEAKER_01

So how so?

SPEAKER_00

I was talking, so I was talking to this girl. We're not talking no no more, right?

SPEAKER_03

That was okay. That was quick. I was talking to her, and I'm not talking to her no more. Go ahead. This is our regular conversation. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

This is our regular conversation. I'm trying to tell you. This, like, because we're on the internet, we're gonna have to, you know what I mean? Like, we're gonna be. This is a regular phone call. Okay. No, I was I was talking to her, and then keep in mind, this is recent. So like this was like today is Saturday. It was on like Monday. It was on like Monday. And keep in mind, like, we saw on good terms, like she's still cool. It's just uh, it's just one of the I think I told you her code name is Deja. You know what I'm saying? You might not talk about people, we can give your people code names because we're gonna get into your people, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02

I don't have any people to get into, but okay, I digress.

SPEAKER_00

But I was saying, like, yeah, so like me and Deja was doing long distance, and so that's basically why I didn't work. And then I told her, I just I didn't want to, that's kind of the short version. Um, but then I texted her, I think, come like Tuesday, because I had read, I literally read your your your work about like love being a mirror. And I was like, you know what? I try to improve in all aspects of my life, right?

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

This is like she, you know, this is somebody, me and her, we we would talk like I'm talking about like we would talk on the phone for like I like. It's a shade, it's a shade. For hours. You know, you know the memes where you be like, hey, stop! I swear to God, that was a work sleep. I'm telling you, I'm telling you, a regular comment, like if we was only on the phone for like three or four hours, that was like that was short. A regular like phone FaceTime session would be like six, seven hours, you know what I mean? So like she knew me really well. So like I had to ask her. I'm like, you know what I'm saying? Like, give me some like feedback as to uh, you know, what it was like. And she she gave it to me, and I was just like, okay. Some of it, like, I was like, but others of it was like, okay, I'll take the consideration, you know what I mean? Okay. So yeah. So I want to ask you in terms of love being a mirror, like, what have you learned about yourself through love being a mirror?

SPEAKER_03

I've learned a lot. I've just learned, and this is this is why you gotta take the time to learn yourself before you get in a relationship. But I mean, sometimes you don't get the opportunity to learn through experiences. I had to go through experiences to be like, okay, this is a yes for me. This is a hard no. Yeah. This is a non-negotiable. This is I do like this. I do want to be in a relationship that looks like XYZ. So I've learned a lot about the type of woman that I am, the type of partner that I'm attracted to, what it requires. I think the first thing that pops back into my mind that kind of ties back into this article. I think this idea of love that I was describing, of it being transformative, of it being radical, of it being something that pushes you to grow and evolving as a person in this in this physical realm, that's not for everybody. And I said that in the article. Like I want to be very clear, this type of love that I'm describing is not for everybody, but through experiences, I have learned that is the type of love that I would like to have in my life. Not necessarily just romantic relationships, but platonic relationships as well. I really value truth. I very transp I value transparency. Like I have this running joke with my friends, like, always keep it real with me. Like, please don't lie to me, don't sugarcoat it. Um, but those are things that I've learned like through experience. Like, I don't want something that is superficial where there's nothing about me that is superficial. So yeah, that's that's the first thing that came to mind.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, what is something that you were talking about your non-negotiables and stuff? Like, what is something that I guess you learn from experience that became a non-negotiable for you? Jeez, you gotta lie.

SPEAKER_03

Low key. What are okay, what are some non-negotiable? Think one thing that I'm learning about this season of my life, I need to be, we need to be on the same page energetically. Cautious of some of the things I say, because I feel like nowadays everything's like a buzzword and people be throwing things around on the internet and they don't really know what's going on.

SPEAKER_00

I don't know. That's why I like to ask people like, what does that mean?

SPEAKER_03

Equally, being equally yoked is a real thing. And for me, that's good.

SPEAKER_00

Well, I I promise you, when you said same energy, I did my mind didn't go there. So that's why I asked.

SPEAKER_03

Like, okay, so for example, you know, I mean in alignment with God, me being in purpose, me being, me doing work that's very impactful, like that's important to me. So it's not gonna work out for me to be with somebody that doesn't have something else in their life that they are, doesn't have to be the same. I don't want somebody that's gonna be the same, but if if they don't have something else in their life that they are passionate about, that they can talk about for hours, that's very meaningful to them, it's not gonna work out because I'm fulfilled in other areas of my life. So for lack of a better word, you gotta have some motion. That's that's a non-negotiable. It's not gonna work.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. That's what you said. Nah, because it's like you said, okay, because you said you want them to have the same energy, and then you say equally yoked, and then you said motion. I feel like low-key, like, in my head, like all three of those things are like kind of different. You know what I mean? Like, cause like when I think of like same energy, I'm thinking maybe personality. When I think of equally yoked, I'm thinking of like in terms of either like emotional intelligence, regular intelligence, or even shit uh finances. And then what was the third thing that you said? You said equally yoked, energy, equally yoked, energetic match. Damn, what's the third thing? I don't know. I'll be talking okay, it's okay. But it's like, I don't know. I think that those those those things are at least I I don't know, at least to me, are uh so oh, then you said motion. Yeah, motion. It was motion. Okay, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03

It's energetics, right? Not necessarily about we have to be the same, right? I would say historically, the people that romantically speaking were were not the same. I do believe for me, offices attract. So no, I'm not necessarily talking about we have the same temperament or the same personality person. Per se. But I think that my perspective on life in terms of like purpose and love, that's where kind of getting into the energetics of that. We have to be on the same frequency as it relates to that. If we don't agree, not I don't want to say agree, because it's not like you can have different opinions, different thoughts, but like these are big things, right? If it's the way I talk about love and creativity and purpose, if you don't view life that same way, it's it's not gonna work. Um so in that case, for me, that would be unequally yoked. That's not necessarily to say that's not to, you know, diss the other person. It wouldn't work out for us. Where we see the world in two very different ways, and it will be difficult for us to try to like merge our lives together. And for me, I brought up motion because you know, like that's important to me. Like, do you have passion? Do you have purpose? Like, what are you what are you doing?

SPEAKER_00

To me, having motion and having passion are two different things. There's plenty of to me, right? Okay, because I think most people I would say have passion, but very few people actually have motion, if that makes sense. You know what I mean? Like just because you like to I don't know, go on a walk every single day, like religiously, and that's just a passion of yours. You take a walk every day, or you shit, if you like run marathons or whatever, that doesn't that doesn't necessarily mean you have motion. I think to me, like motion means like you're building something, yeah. You're building something in like what like and it doesn't even matter what your field is, but like you are like respected to a certain degree. Like you are like like the word motion literally means move. So like whatever you do and whatever you say, whether it could be real small, like you know what I mean? Even if it's like a group of five, ten people, like if you say something, like people will like follow more. Right. Yeah. That's what I think about. Sure.

SPEAKER_03

I agree. Motion in a sense of like going back to how we started off the podcast, like I am in a space of my life, I'm doing a lot of building. I am setting the foundation for the type of life that I would like to live. Um, and I'm actively doing the stuff now to create that. You have to be, I don't know what that is. It don't have to be the same things that I'm building, but like motion in that sense. Like, you need to have goals, uh, working towards them. Like, what are you doing with this time that we have here on earth?

SPEAKER_00

Okay, I like that. So, what's the biggest lie modern culture has told us about love?

SPEAKER_03

What I said in the article that it's always easy, that it's effortless, that's a lie.

SPEAKER_00

So, one thing that I thought about, I was like, Okay, I'll just put this out there. I told you, I I'm a I like to learn. And I like to learn from other people's mistakes for sure. So anytime like my I run into somebody who's either thinking about getting married, engaged, newly married, or divorced. I I always ask like the questions. Oh yeah, I'm always asking questions. And I typically ask like the questions, like I don't want to hear, especially like if it's like about marriage, I don't want to hear about how great it is and blah blah blah. It's like, nah, no.

SPEAKER_01

You want to hear the real.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I want to hear like what's like what's what's one of the worst parts, you know what I mean? And uh one of uh one of the one of my guys, he got to I don't know, he'd been divorced for a lot for maybe like I don't know, maybe four years. So I remember me and him, we had a conversation that was like 45 minutes long, and I asked him about it, and he was like, he told me love is not gonna love isn't enough.

SPEAKER_03

It's not it's not just like damn, it's not about that. It's not. I absolutely agree with that.

SPEAKER_00

You say you agree?

SPEAKER_03

Yes, why it depends on what you want, right? If you are talking about some of the things that I'm hinting at and what's important to me, legacy, family building, love is not enough. You can ask any married couple that have been together for years, you're not gonna always feel passionately in love. Like that infatuation, that honeymoon stage, that phase.

SPEAKER_01

That phase.

SPEAKER_03

Um, and I think that's probably where a lot of us go wrong with love. We're choosing based off the feeling. It's caveats to this. I do believe like I can have it all, right? I can be, you know, with the partner that I feel like we're on the same page in terms of like growing, evolving, this, that, and the third, but also still be like madly in love and like, you know, really enjoy this person. So you can have both, but like love by itself. No, that that's not enough. That's not gonna sustain the relationship, especially when we kind of get to like difficult times when you're in situations like that, committed relationships, marriage. People change. People change, people grow, people evolve. The version that you met at this age, at this time point, is not gonna be the same five, 10, 15 years down the line. Love may not sustain you at that point. You may be going through a rough period. Like, I don't feel I love you, but I don't really like you right now. And what do we do with that? We have to be able to have common ground on other things. So I do believe when you're talking about serious relationships, trying to build with somebody, marriage, love is not enough.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And honestly, you touched on something that uh I wanted to highlight is that people change, right? The person that you get married, especially if you like really do the distance, they're not gonna be the same person like 10 years from now. So you're gonna have to like learn to adapt to that. Right. And a lot, and I think that especially like nowadays, like people are just not not built for that. Like the divorce rate is really high. Yeah. It's like 50 plus percent, you know. So that's why I don't know. That's why like for me, like I I'm a very cautious person. I like to, you know, like feel things out. As you should.

SPEAKER_02

I don't think we do that enough.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, I know I I know we don't. That's that's part of the reason why, like, hmm, like we said, we I'm trying to choose more words really very carefully. I don't know. See, at least for me, I don't know. That's why like I like to I I I've come to terms that now for those that don't that don't know, I'm 28. I'm like 28 and a half, actually. And I know 30 is approaching, and it's one of those things where like one, I'm not scared to get older and be 30. I don't really care. But it's more so I've come to terms that the way I like to like assess situations, especially like when it comes to the women I deal with, it's like it takes a lot longer than most people would probably want to do. So because of that, I realize that I can't really date women my own age, right? And yeah, when I mean my own age, I mean like within like a year or two. Because like they be looking at me like we've been together for like a year. And we've been together for a year, you don't want to marry. Can I, can I So I'm over here like, I'm over here like, I well, you feel me? But but before I want you to hold your thought.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

And my thing is this, is like, I'll say it's this, be personally. I got family members that that been through the ringer. As a man, you definitely get fucked over in that divorce court, and I'm not trying to have that be me, right?

SPEAKER_02

We've talked now, we have talked about this and your thoughts with the marriage and God, about how you guys were like, no, you don't want to, you don't want to be married.

SPEAKER_00

I'm like, y'all, that's not what I said. That's not me. You know that meme where it's like the point. Yeah, that was everybody that I was just challenging you to but I was I was just saying that, like, because like, okay, I was literally thinking about this right before you got here. So I'll I'm I'm I'm gonna say this now. And every time I say this, I gonna, you know what I mean? I've never had a girlfriend.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, who talked to this?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I've never had a girlfriend. Right? And so there's some people that get their first girlfriend, like when they in high school and stuff like that. And you know, I had opportunities to do that, but like I was the type of person to like really be like really super duper hyper analytical. So if I really didn't see it like happening like for the long, long term, I just wasn't even gonna do it, right? And I w and I I'm not gonna lie, I had to go to therapy and like figure out figure out myself and where that came from. And now I understand. And um, but I I bring that up to say that like when you're in high school, like you it it's like, okay, you got your little girlfriend and blah, blah, blah. You're not expecting that to be your wife, you know what I mean? I feel like that's the case from like let's say like 15, 16, all the way up to like say like 25, right? You don't really like like know yourself, right? You know, and so those are like kind of trial and error peers. But once you get to like my age and you're 28, and like I said, I never had a girlfriend, like, and I've been in situationships and shit like that, so and I've dealt with women. It's not like I'm over here like an incel or no shit. It's like a certain level of expectation. And what and what what Deja had told me, she said I wanted a guy who's certain, certain of what he wants. And aka, you you, you I'm sure you're familiar with basketball. What she basically wanted was she wanted like uh like a like a like a guarantee, not a guaranteed contract, but like more so like like a like a and keep in mind, she was only a year younger than me. So she like 27, right? And so I've just come to realize it's like, and I and I get it, it's like y'all only have your fertility window is only so wide. So it's like you can't wait for a dude to like five years at 27 to like know if you want to marry you. But like for me, I'm not saying that I would do that, but it's like it takes me some time. Like if you're gonna press me, press me out about marriage after a year, it's like a few thoughts.

SPEAKER_03

I I do understand what you're saying, and I do relate to that because I think that, you know, even not just romantically, um, I think that it's important to see people in different seasons in their life and how they respond to different situations. And like I really reflect on like my friendships, excuse me, my best friends. We are so close now because we have so much time that we put in. It like we put in time and work to get this close, right? And to have this level of, you know, community, connection, intimacy, all the things as you know, friends. So I do think that that's important. And I feel like, you know, perhaps observing society and you know, the dynamics between men and women, specifically within our age group, someone could say that we're moving too fast. Maybe we're not getting in the relationships that we would want, we're having the experience that we want because we're not taking the time to really see this person through different seasons. But you also have to be mindful, and we we could talk about this in a phone call. Is this me really taking my time, or is this like starting to become I am being fearful of committing because I think that's a real thing. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00

I like that you say that. And that actually, that's why I found out through therapy. Like, I was like, I definitely was well, okay, I'll put it this way. I I don't mind saying this on camera. For me, it wasn't that I was scared of commitment, I was more so scared of getting heartbroken. And then once I experienced it for the first time and I lived through it and I got through it, yeah, I was like, this isn't the end of the world. Right. And I'll be okay. Right. So then that kind of like relieved my fear of uh of commitment. Well, at least for me, like I was like, I was like, once I got over that fear of commitment, there's no doubt in my mind if Deja Lived in DC, we would have we'd be together today. However, she was like, how how I explained it to her is like, you know, I I basically explained to her like how I told you how like this is not, I would be doing this to more or less see like if we're like compatible and if I really want to like do this. Like I don't mind committing, but I'm not like necessarily committing with like the intention of being like, yo, I'm committing you to you today, so that way in a year we get married or in a year and a half we get married. It's like nah, you know what I mean? It's like we're taking it back to basics. Let's see if we're even compatible, you know what I mean? And she didn't really like that. Uh and so I was just like, oh, okay. Well, and so like I realized that I need to like, I need to, I need to go, I need to go younger so I could have like more more more runway and don't get pressed out about things too too early.

SPEAKER_03

We can talk about it more at brunch.

SPEAKER_00

Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, we're gonna get in the nitty-gritty about you too. We're talking about me. We're gonna get code who we gotta talk about over there with you. Okay, next quotable. You talked about you said something. Did I want the outcome without the process? Did I want transformation without participation? I want to know.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, no one is coming to save me. That was from a journal entry. I was going through it. I was going through it. And I had a real moment with myself, like I had to ask myself, like, what are you tripping about? Things are playing out how they're supposed to play out.

SPEAKER_00

That's a quotable. I like that things are playing out the way they're supposed to play out. And I really do believe in that. Like everything happens for a reason. You know what I mean? And it's like, and you may never even know what that reason is. And so, yeah, okay, going.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I think it's it's it's several different factors, right? I think one, we live in a culture where, you know, instant gratification is a thing, right? Um, that's what we all want. And we have a tendency to focus on the outcome. And even, you know, just looking at what other people may have achieved in their life, you know, the first thing we're looking at is the things, not like what it requires of them to get to that point. Um so I think there's just some social conditioning there, right? Also, do think that faith plays a role as well. Um, I think that it requires just a certain level of surrendering, a certain level of trust. You're not gonna know the path. That's that's the whole thing called life. That's what it's all about. You learn as you go. So I had to be very real with myself about trying to rust my rush my process and getting frustrated about things that I may or may not have or where I may want to be. Again, social conditioning, because who said you gotta have this by this time or whatever the case may be. But I had to like really have that internal dialogue with myself. Like, wait a minute, that's not how this works. Like, this requires something of you. Like, we are called to be active participants in this thing called life. We cannot sit by passively and want things to come to us. And for me personally, um, that kind of brings me back to my relationship with God. When I think about God, I think about an energy that I am called to be in co-collaboration with. We are building and creating together. It requires me to be active, it requires me to be accountable, it requires me to be in relationship. You know what I'm saying? The same way you're in a relationship, you don't just put all the work on the other person. Like, no, but it's it's a team effort. I have to do my part as well. I have to do the work and I have to be real with myself. Like, slow down, you gotta do the work. You can't skip steps, you're not special.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, what thing, okay. So you mentioned uh instant gratification, right? Yes. And there is this concept that when my friend he told me this, I was like, uh, I I I never forgot it. It's called picknuff. Okay, never heard pick stands for positive, immediate, and certain. And enough stands for negative, uncertain, and in the future. And as human beings, we always gravitate towards like the pick. Right. Because you could just see, like, for example, vaping. Like people vape, right? But they don't really, they don't mind doing it because it's it's positive, immediate, and they're certain that they're gonna get whatever hit they get. Right. But the thing is, is that the negative side of it is that you could get what, lung cancer or whatever, but it's uncertain if you're gonna get it. And then also like the whatever lung cancer you're gonna get is in the future. And so I always like try to not always do what's immediate and like positive for me, because a lot of the times, like, especially like when you think of like like pleasurable things, like those things typically long-term, like don't necessarily always have the best benefit. So I always try to I always try to keep the long-term benefit in mind. It's typically always better to play the long-term game as opposed to.

SPEAKER_03

I think I think that we need to do hard things. We need to wake up. Like, that's something that I ask myself, what did I do today that is hard? We have to learn how to like build capacity, especially when we live in this digital era. Like, I think that to a certain extent, we have lost our ability to endure. We have lost our ability to communicate and work through tough things. So, like, it's you gotta train yourself. Like, that's part of the reason why I was getting into the gym and strength training specifically. I go through different seasons. I don't do it as much. I do some things that are a little bit more slower that feel more aligned for where I'm in in my life, but like I need to do something difficult. Like, I wanna need to be lifting the weight.

SPEAKER_01

Like, I need to feel it.

SPEAKER_03

This is hard, this is difficult, and learn how to push myself past that feeling. It's a small thing, but in a way, I'm training and I'm reshaping my mind. I need to be doing hard stuff.

SPEAKER_00

And so I want to go back to something that you said about no one's coming to save you. Why was learning that no one was coming to save you such a difficult realization for you?

SPEAKER_03

It wasn't as difficult as it was as freeing. I think it was in the in the moment, there was like an emotional release there because I think that's natural. Like, dang, no one's coming to save me. I gotta do this myself. But I talked about it in the article, it was also very freeing because when I know that no one's coming to save me, I'm not waiting on nobody. I got my power back. I'm saving myself. To me, it unlocked something in my brain. It it really did. So when I was able to get past the emotional release, I'm like, I can take my authority back now. I don't have to wait. If I want to change, and not saying that, you know, that that's what I want or there's anything going on, but like if I like we have, I think that we forget that we have the the autonomy, we have the power, we have the authority. If you want to create a new life tomorrow, you can do it. Matter of fact, you don't have to wait till tomorrow. You can do it now. It starts to be in your mind. You just make the decision. The first step is I am not doing this. I'm no longer identifying with this. This is the person I want to be, this is who I want to be. Declare it, start moving like that. And then everything else is gonna fall into play. So for me, that was really freeing to just kind of like really rest in the fact that if I have this realization, right, I'm not waiting on nobody.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. All right. So last conversation we had, right? I think it was maybe it's going on about a year and a half, right? A little year and a half. What was that little kickback that you had? You was talking about you was trying to get married soon. So I want to. I said that? I swear you said that.

SPEAKER_03

I don't think I said that. I think you're mixing me up with somebody. I think there was somebody at the summer tourette.

SPEAKER_00

You said what?

SPEAKER_03

At the summit?

SPEAKER_00

Oh, I think it was the last one. I was talking about the one before that.

SPEAKER_03

Or so I have I I try to get into my hosting bag now, and when the the weather starts to break, I like to do like a cook food situation. That was two years ago. I don't recall saying that, Miles.

SPEAKER_00

You don't?

SPEAKER_03

No.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, well, let's let's just talk about it.

SPEAKER_03

Hypothetically.

SPEAKER_00

You know what I mean? Like, how's that going? Like, have you have you met like like how's dating going? Let's let's actually talk about dating in 2020.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. That's funny. I don't I think you're mixing me up with somebody because I'm thinking, like, do I really want to get married that soon? I'm open to dating. I haven't always been in a space in my life when I have been open to dating. I'm just in a space of like, I'm receptive to whatever God has for me, whatever the world has for me. So I'm open, not actively like pursuing or seeking things out. But if I was to meet something, to meet someone or have an experience or an opportunity, I would be open to it. I think there were seasons in my life where I was very like locked in on my goals and I was like, I'm cool off of that. Um I just really need to spend some time in solitude to figure things out. I have since moved out of that space, so I'm open to it. But it for me personally, that's not something that I'm like, I need to get married tomorrow. I need to start dating.

SPEAKER_00

No, I get that. I get that. So, okay, being open. So does what is being open like, what does that mean? It's just like whatever you're just kind of like just living your life and whatever happens, happens. And if you're interested, you're you'll Yeah, but I think so.

SPEAKER_03

This is kind of going back to what I was saying before about we need to be on the same page energetically. It's not coming from it's more so coming from a place of like what my values are, right? So like my work and all of those things relating to that, that's super important to me. So like that's at the forefront of my mind. So I think it's not that I'm anti-it. Like if I was to meet someone and I was interested, it's not like I'm not gonna explore this because, you know, I'm so busy with XYZ. Like, no, I think that I should live. I should, you know, that's how I'm able to speak on things is like through living. So I'm not rejecting myself from experiencing that, but like I'm also a woman who's very much so I know where I'm going in life. So I can enjoy, but I cannot you lose sight of the prize. But I do think it can work in relationships. You just have to find somebody else that has that similar mindset. That's what I mean by opening, open, like you know, whatever happens, happens. But there has to be some intention behind it. What does that mean? Because I feel like if you say that there are certain people, how they move through the world is like, oh, it's just I can do whatever. No, like there has to be some intention behind it.

SPEAKER_00

I could do what nah, but like, okay, so it's like, so when you say intention, are you talking about like, okay, like what like what are we doing? Are we like dating to marry? Like, like what is that what you mean by intentionality?

SPEAKER_03

No, because I think I think those things can fold. Like, I like again going back to taking my time to get to know people, those things will come, like things will be start to come become more clear over time. Those things will unfold naturally.

SPEAKER_00

I'm gonna have to I'm gonna have to clip this up. So put post this on my page so Deja can see it.

SPEAKER_03

Let's be past that. Those things will unfold naturally. So that's not necessarily what I'm saying. I think that there are sometimes people in this world that have no direction on life and what they're doing in general. I could agree to that. I don't come over here thinking you're about to do that because I there's a certain way that I live my life and how I structure things. And if that's your perspective on life, that's fine, but it's not gonna work out because I'm very intentional with everything that I do.

SPEAKER_00

Oh yeah. No, you gotta be. I would just say that like it probably took me about like the last maybe a little over a year to like realize like shit is really rough out there for people. So I think that what it is is that I think a lot of people are in survival mode right now. It's not even necessarily that they don't have any direction, but it's just like it's like if you're trying to get over here. But like you struggling to even keep the lights on. Yeah. It's like it's not a concern.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

It's like it's like trying to like be I guess more or less intentional is not necessarily on the forefront of your mind. Right. You're trying to just where I'm at with dating. The dating pool treating you well? No? Yes. How is it?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I mean, but I also like I'm not a huge dater for real.

SPEAKER_00

What does that mean? Like a huge dater? Like you're not out here going on dates for real?

SPEAKER_03

Well, cause like, you know, I'd be I'd be out the way for real.

SPEAKER_00

So it's like definitely out the way. Surprise you've been here now.

SPEAKER_03

Stop saying that. I told you I was gonna come. So I think I'm not like dating pool's fine. I don't date a whole lot to begin with. Dating pool's fine, again, because it's a mirror. I'm good in the inside. I thinkfully am not, you know, attracting situations that I wouldn't want to be in. So yeah, but I yeah, I don't really date too much. Like it's I don't trip about stuff like that. It's gonna come.

SPEAKER_00

It's gonna come. It's gonna come. It's okay. I I like to hear that. You have a optimistic outlook, kind of just doing your thing.

SPEAKER_03

I think that's how we should. Like when you focus on yourself, your ascension, like those things was gonna be added to you. The love is gonna come, the money's gonna come, the career is gonna come. Like, you will get those things as well. Like just focus on yourself and those things will come. So I don't trip about that. I like that's a that's what are we talking about?

SPEAKER_00

And I like that you you bring that up, that working on yourself, because at the end of the day, it's really the only thing that you can control. Like you can never control the outcome, but like if you build yourself up to be able to be whatever that person is, whether it's you're trying to be the husband, a wife, entrepreneur, like once you have those skills, like you'll be able to do whatever with that.

SPEAKER_03

Right, yeah. And sometimes we want things and we name the things, but I wonder, and this is speaking from experience, you know, these are conversations I have with myself, focus less on the things and more about the person that I need to become to have those things. And I just feel like that's just a better use of time and energy. Like if you I think when we talk about manifestation or any of those things, I think the main things that people talk about is love. They talk about money and career. When people are trying to like change things, want to improve, those are the main three things. And I think if you're seeking any of those things, the most best use of your time, energy that will be worthwhile is think about the type of relationships you would have, think about the work you would like to have, what you wanted your finances to look like in this lifetime, you know, in terms of whatever's comfortable for you. And then think about who is the type of what is the type of woman, what is the type of man that has these things. Become that. Once you become that, you get anything you want. So that's kind of my perspective. I'm cautious on like the things that I say because I do think that there is a narrative that is being pushed out, like you have to be perfectly healed, like you have to arrive to a destination, and that's not true. You're always going to be learning and growing, but there is a certain level of awareness. So I don't focus too much on that. I focus on bettering myself as a woman. Um, because yeah, those things will come in due time.

SPEAKER_00

And so another thing I want to add to to that is you said love, money, and career, right? Another thing that I like to always keep in mind too is that pretty much all of those things like involve like, you know, other people. And so always keep in mind what does the other what does this other person want out of like me in this in this exchange. And when you can really align to needs to what they are, that's when you create a really mutually beneficial relationship, right? So for example, as you know, like I do have my own content agency, right? I employ, you know, people overseas. And I knew that unfortunately there are the bad actors out there that don't like pay their people well or they scam them and stuff like that. So like for me, like I always try to make sure that they always get paid on time. But then for whatever reason I'm like late or whatever, I tell them, I try to like give them like Christmas bonuses and stuff like that because I want them to enjoy like you know, working for me. And and that has like literally like tenfold. Yeah. Around that tenfold. Like they do things for me that I don't even ask them to do because they just enjoy they're like, oh my goodness, Miles. Yeah, they're like, Miles, I think we could do this, we could do that. We can I'm like, oh shit, I wasn't even thinking about that. Thank you. And you know what I mean? So and I think that in all aspects of your life, whether that is like your relationship, your career, like show up, like how can you be an asset to this person?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I think that's that's good. You need to clip that.

SPEAKER_00

Oh yeah, no, I'm a percent will. I will I will for sure. Oh man. Go ahead. I'm so serious. That's a debate I had earlier. I had earlier. I'm gonna tell you how that question came about. And and that realization felt like a gift. So I probably should have put what was before that. But because if no one is coming to save me, then I am not waiting on anybody. I'm stepping in, not because I feel ready, I don't, but because readiness was never the requirement, responsibility was. And one thing that I liked about that is that a lot of people I think wait for like the perfect time to like do things. Like I I've I've That was me. That was you?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Like in terms of like doing what?

SPEAKER_03

Like what was something that you were like aspects of my life, to be honest, to be real with you. Even with this, like I had the idea to start sharing my writing like well over a year ago. I didn't start until January of 2026.

SPEAKER_00

What um was it like fear or like did you not want to like I think it I think at the core root of it, because I've sat with it, it is fear. Um fear of what though? Of being judged?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I think that's real. I think fear of being perceived is a real thing. Um and I think that's something that I had to sit with as well. When you talk about the things that you want, the life that you want, again, what does that require of me? I can't be have a fear to be perceived. I have to be, I gotta show up and take space and just stand ten toes down on it. The people that rock with is gonna rock with it. And that's because I'm clear on who I am and I'm comfortable in my own skin. So I definitely was someone who was like heavy overthinking, waiting for the perfect time, but there is no perfect time. Like you have to make the decision. If you wait on a perfect time, you'll never feel ready. And then I think that's why people may not, and I think this is more relevant now, especially because I I feel like as we start to become older, you know, approaching 30s, times I think people we kind of get in this mindset like if I haven't achieved XYZ by 30s, they're like filling down and they start to settle for things that they truly don't want. And that kind of comes from you you gotta be careful about that. That's that there is no perfect time. Like I said before, if you want to wake up and change your life, you can. You don't even have to wait till you just do it now. So yeah, that was that was something that I definitely like had to learn to work through. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I would just say this that now that you know you're a content creator, you know, different from me, from what I do, I would just say that I don't want to say this. Really understand like what you're trying, like how to do with your work, how far you want to take it. Um because I would I'll admit, it's like once you start putting your your stuff and your thoughts out there, regardless it it don't matter. You can talk about Jesus Christ. People are gonna hate me. It comes with the territory. Yeah, it comes with the territory. So just just be mindful of that as like you know, you continue to grow uh your platform and whatnot and be and be okay with it. Yeah. That's something that I had to come to terms with. Well, I was all I I've been came to terms with that since I started. Hate never, you know, me. Hate never phased me.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I think, you know, that's something that I lean into now. I actually had this conversation with my friend and you know, some of the things that she's working on as well. I think, and it's also like I'm at a place in my life I don't take, I have a certain level of detachment throughout life. So I don't take a lot of things personal. So that doesn't bother me because I know that a lot of people that may comment on it, they're speaking from a s a space of insecurity, like dang, they doing something that I really want to do. I just didn't have the courage to get it started. Literally. So it sometimes it's not even necessarily about you, it's just working through them their own insecurities and their own fears and doubts and et cetera. So it's like, yeah, can't worry too much about that.

SPEAKER_00

No, exactly. And that's because if if we really boil it down, like every everybody who even some of the greats, it's like they didn't start being out great. They started regularly, like the greatest podcasters started with the iPhone.

SPEAKER_03

Like, you know the average millionaire, I want to say is like 35. Where did this concept come from that everybody gotta be?

SPEAKER_00

I could tell you what happened in the 20s. Like what happened is is because of social media, AI, and technology, there are so many people that are like it's never been e it's never been easier to become a millionaire, right? Because if you look back like 50 years ago, like you'd have to, you know, get a get a bank loan and all sort of other bullshit. There was no internet, they better had to learn about marketing and stuff like that. But now, you know, you see kids that like might blow up on TikTok and then they got like one's a sponsorship or a product, they make a hundred like 10k off of like a meme or like a TikTok dance or whatever. Yeah. And then make it makes it seem like easier. And the thing is, but what they're not but they want to show you that, but like then people aren't gonna show you like all the failures though.

SPEAKER_03

Right.

SPEAKER_00

All the people that did that, did the tried to do the same thing and it didn't work out for them.

SPEAKER_03

And you have to have like that level of resilience and tenacity. That's something I talk about a lot, you know, with mentors and people who are where they're at now much later in their career, and they're done things, and I'm like, wow, I'm super inspired, I'd like to do that as well. Like, you know, I had my one mentor tell me, you know how many businesses that have failed that I've had before I've like got to this point? Um, so yeah, I think that kind of goes back to what we're talking about with social media and instant gratification.

SPEAKER_00

So I know you've talked about your relationship with God a lot. So how has that shaped your understanding of love? Was there a spiritual moment that deeply shifted your perspective on relationships at all?

SPEAKER_03

It's happening now in real time. I was saying the more I get closer to God, the more I learn about God. Um, it makes me think about love. Why? Because God is love. So it is a shift that is occurring with how I interact with people, my heart posture, how I show up in relationships, and that is a direct reflection of the relationship that I have with the creator. So yeah, that that's happening and unfolding, I would say, in real time.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, we're not to bring you for part two, singing and speaking. Oh man.

SPEAKER_03

You got so many notes.

SPEAKER_00

I know, see.

SPEAKER_03

I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_00

You'll be reading I do read your stuff every time. Like I I'm telling you. Uh work. We try to avoid to negotiate tone, but life keeps bringing forward what demands our attention. What comes into the light is not punishment, it is training, and being in that training, even when purposeful, is difficult, is a difficult place to stand. Beautiful, yes, but messy, uncomfortable, and exposing nonetheless. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. What made you write that? Like, is this like your training right now that you were talking about?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, this one, so my writing process, it varies, but this was like, I believe this came out in like February. It was from a journal entry, and I was like, I had something that I wanted to write about, but this is speaking to me more. I think that people, again, we talk about the ending, but we don't talk about the process. Healing is not pretty. It does not feel good. It's a purification process, right? I think that in order for you to be cleansed as a vessel, it requires you to be able to sustain certain parts. There's a shedding that has to come with that. I think I saw a quote sometime, quote somewhere a while back that was kind of getting at the fact that in order for your new life to come forward, your old life has to die. The old version of you has to die, and everything that is attached to that. People don't talk about that process and what it feels like to be in that. That's a that's a tough spot to be in. And that was just me trying to articulate my thoughts of what does that feel like? It's like I know that this is the right path for me, and I know that I'm doing the things that I should be doing, but it doesn't necessarily make it any easier as I go through this transition of like dying to myself and then rebirthing.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I like the like transform this transformation that you're going through. It's it's not easy to you're gonna come out the other side and you're gonna look back at it and be like, damn. Especially because you journal, so I I told you I journal, right? Yes. Yes. So like I go back on some of my journals and I'm like, wow. Growth is crazy. The growth is crazy. And things that like before that I thought were like the end of the world felt, and I was like, oh, this is damn near the end of the world. Yeah, and it's like, and I look back and I'm like, damn, it wasn't really that bad. Like you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03

Like, I'm not now. This is not new to me. I feel like I've had to go through like so many like deaths and rebirths in my life. I'm also a Scorpio, that's what we do.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

Um, so I think like it's natural to me, it's not unheard of, but every time it's still gonna be those feelings, those uh that reaction. Um I think that we just don't speak on it. And I think that it could be so misleading. I remember, I would say, kind of my first like very big spiritual awakening in my early 20s. I just remember feeling so like misled. Like this is everybody they talk about the other side, but not what it requires to get to that.

SPEAKER_00

And I was just misled about what exactly?

SPEAKER_03

I think at that point I was just evolving a lot spiritually and just really trying to figure out like what type of woman I want to be. And when I into the world or just like other people that were close by in proximity, I saw the like the final versions, right? Like the woman they are today, but they weren't really talking about the process of what they required of them to get to that, you know, version of themselves. So when you're like in the fire, when you're in the storm, when you're in that in-between stage, I talked about in my first article, you know, I was changing careers, changing cities, changing and relationship dynamics, and it was so many different things moving. I was like, what is going on? Like I went to commit to uh God, a better path for my life. And I felt like my life got worse after that. But I know now that that was divine orchestration. And for something to be built new, the old has to be destroyed. You cannot bring the old versions of yourself into the new life. Yeah. So it was playing out how it was supposed to, but I didn't have that insight and that wisdom at the time. And I think a lot of us don't because we're not necessarily as transparent with it and putting these types of conversations at the forefront that may be encouraging, helpful for someone who's trying to figure it out. I think that's also where we are in this digital age. People don't want to be real, and that's important to me. Like what you see is what you get. Very real, very raw, very authentic. I I don't want to pretend, and I feel like somebody we have a tendency to want to like cookie cutter, perfect, and it's like it's a facade. Um, and it makes it difficult. I think that we should be able to learn from each other, have these conversations, be in community through experiences. If everybody is not being transparent and honest, what are we doing? And I think that's what we see in the world, especially when I think about influence and you know, younger generations, because I got nieces and nephews and lots of younger cousins. When they look on social media, because you know, that's how they connect with other people, they're not seeing people talk like this. So they just seeing these people that got all these things. And then when they're trying to go through the process, they like, dang, am I messing up? Cause I'm going through XYZ and this is hard. And I'm looking at their life and it doesn't look like they experienced this. And it's not necessarily because that's not the case. That's just not just showing it, and that's not what's being pushed to us right now. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I like that. It's people, I don't know, we're we're gravitate towards the glitz and glamour and not necessarily the process. And that's why I've I've come to terms and realized that like especially with podcasting, that shit is a long game. Oh my God. Unless you're already famous, like you're it takes a lot of time, energy, and effort in trying to like do it for like a year and expect to get get anywhere. Some of my favorite podcasters said that nobody watched nor listened to their shit for like three years. And I'm like, damn. And I it's like that.

SPEAKER_03

It is. And I I think we're very similar on like the podcasts and things like that and financial literacy, like anybody would tell you it took time. Um but I again it goes back to what are you trying to build? Because you know, some of these other things that other people are building, they may not be sustainable. So, like, if you want something that is sustainable that's gonna stand the test of time, if you're really trying to create legacy, that's not gonna happen overnight. I don't care what they are pushing out in the media, it takes time.

SPEAKER_00

Piggyback off what you just said in terms of what you're trying to build. So, like, what are what is the final version of uh of all of this writing look like? Where would you like to take it?

SPEAKER_03

Right now, I'm excited. That was my that was my happy dance. Excited this will take me. I have a good feeling about it. So right now it's just about creating, creating without expectations about where this will go, just creating and just being authentic. I think as long as I'm creating and being authentic and being real, things will start to come into play. Um, I think I'm in a space of trying to figure out like my voice and what do I want to do with this. I do have some ideas. Um, I have some new articles coming out. There's some topics that I will be reoccurring. So I thought about like how do I present this. So I'm still trying to figure that out. But right now, the focus is just creating, just creating and getting things out there. And I think you and I talked about this before on the phone. It's important for me to create more than I consume. That's something that I said going into this new year, and that's kind of going back to not wanting to like be stagnant or not utilizing my gifts and my talents. I can't be receiving from everybody else, and I'm not using mine. So I need to be creating way more than I consume. And this is the first step.

SPEAKER_00

You said the first set again on the pod. I know. Stepping outside of your comfort zone. All right, Miyagi. Well, we talked about a lot. We pretty much had all of all of my um all of my talking points. But before we close out, what do you want to leave the people with today?

SPEAKER_03

I would love to leave the people with, first of all, tune into my substacks so you can read the articles. I just want to encourage people to just be themselves. When you are authentic, when you are real, when you're showing up, you can't go wrong. Um, that's something that like I tell myself every day. I'm I'm doing my part. Um, and I want people to lean into that more. Yeah, just being themselves, being real, raw, authentic, whatever that looks like for you. So that's my message.

SPEAKER_00

Well, I'm gonna leave everything in the show notes. You guys check out her writing. It's absolutely phenomenal. I tune in to every single article, Beyond Ordinary Podcast. Until next time. Peace.

SPEAKER_01

Thank you.