(34) "The Night A Nude Stranger Attacked My Door... And Other True Dating Misfires"

Some bad dates are just awkward. Others turn into lifelong stories you tell when you need a reminder that you survived.

We’re Joe Flush and Eddie Penn, and we’re digging into the dating disasters that shaped us, from painfully quiet prom nights and getting stood up at a church hayride to the kind of confidence swings that make you kiss a screen door and still keep trying. We talk about how early rejection can harden into self-doubt, how that mindset can push people into the wrong relationships, and why learning to laugh at yourself is sometimes the first real step toward growth.

Then the stories get bigger: a dinner date derailed by nonstop sneezing, an attempted romantic parking spot interrupted by a cop, and online dating chaos before apps made it “easy.” There’s a declined credit card moment, a meal that suddenly costs more than planned, and a reminder that money stress and pride can wreck connection fast. We also touch marriage and divorce, the danger of living by a relationship script, and what it means to rebuild boundaries after everything falls apart.

By the end, we land somewhere surprisingly hopeful: being single can be fun, and the best dating lesson might be realizing you can make yourself whole again. If you’ve ever searched for bad date stories, online dating disasters, or honest relationship advice, you’ll feel seen here.

Listen now, subscribe, and if you laughed or winced, share it and leave a review. What’s the worst date you’ve ever had, and what did it teach you?

Please leave us your comments, text me, DM me, give me your thoughts.  what works and what doesn't land?  We want to improve.

thanks for listening

Joe

Transcript

Derby Jokes And Show Opener

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Hey everybody, it's Built Down Man Landing the Gardage Giant, episode 34. And here's the thing: we're not going to give you the Derby winner because. Why? Why aren't we going to give him the Derby winner? Because we don't know who it is. Mark Mark picked him. The Derby has run, and we don't know the winner. That's that's the magic of Hollywood here. You don't really necessarily know.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

No, no. Plus, we wouldn't tell our listening audience probably anyway. We want to keep all that money. Yes. We want to keep all the money.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

Well, if we was gonna keep all the money, we wouldn't have had him on here in the first place.

Dark Comedy And Louisville Trip

SPEAKER_00 0:56

I'm Joe Flush, is my partner Eddie Penn. Good afternoon. He's been on the guitar there. Uh I just got back from a trip to Louisville to see comedian Anthony Jezelnik, and I can't recommend him to anybody. He's too hilarious and too wrong. He just will not fit the average person.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

I think the uh the major question is can you spell his last name and will you? I can, but it won't be right.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

You see? And the will you? No, I'm not gonna try. But it was it was a fun night, and I I would recommend if you like dark humor, uh, they don't get much darker than Anthony or funnier. So it was a it was a great night. Um I was trying to try out one of my uh 11 ramps as well, uh, you know, which is to try to make somebody laugh every day. And if not, if not, just make myself laugh. And uh there's two young guys that went in with us that would sit at our table, and they uh they were fun guys, they helped us find exactly the bar we were going to and all that kind of stuff. And Mary Kay had mentioned that I used to be a stand-up, so uh they asked me some questions about all that. They said, Well, what's your story? And I said, Well, I've been married 46 years, and they said, Oh, wow, that's fantastic. I said, Yeah, it took me three marriages

Mulch Sniffing And Long Marriage

SPEAKER_00 2:35

to get there, but I'm adding them up. And when I did, they laughed. So I said, accomplished that goal. But what are you up to? Ed still working in the yard?

SPEAKER_01 2:45

Yeah, I work in the yard every day. Um I'm either picking up um mulch or taking mulch back, you know, depending on how it works like uh my wife Emily likes it to work. And frankly, you you we agree on it pretty much the uh most of the time, I would guess. Why would you be returning mulch? Well, I'm that's what am I saying? That's that's my point. It doesn't have the right consistency, or it doesn't have the right color, or it smells a little bit funnier than funny. So that those are three of the things. So I'm just telling you that you didn't know that when you bought it, though. No, well, it's in a bag and you really can't smell it or look at it. Can't you poke a hole and smell it? You can, but uh, I did that the other day. It doesn't sound right, though. They tried to arrest have me arrest, you know, for I hadn't bought it yet.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

The guy is poking holes in the stop that guy right now. Something's wrong with him. He's sniffing the molt. Okay. Well, yeah, I told uh when I told those guys I was married 46 years, I thought about it. Man, it really has been crazy. You've been married how many years? Uh since 2019. 2019, kinda, yeah. Kinda, sorta. And uh that's not comparable, really. No, it's it's the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing one, I would guess. You're uh you haven't even gotten to the seven-year itch yet.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

No, well, I've got an itch, but it's not been take you seven years to go there. No, it's my dermatologist would tell you that's the case.

SPEAKER_00 4:19

I hate to tell you though, but you're very unlikely to get to a 50th anniversary.

SPEAKER_01 4:24

Well, thank God. Listen, Jesel neck, I think I went to the doctor for that one time. I said, you know, I think I've got a bad case of the jezzel neck.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

And he said, stop sniffing.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

Stop sniffing the mulch.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

Stop that,

Why Bad Dates Stick

SPEAKER_00 4:40

man. The gizzel neck will cure right out on its own. But anyway, well, talking about being married though, both of us had you had a long dating life. When you say dating is what you did.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

Yeah, when we first broached this topic, when you suggested that we talk about maybe bad dates or even good dates or dates at all, I thought, well, I've got some experience with that. I didn't get married until I was practically 67 years old. And I had my share of dates. I'm not bragging, but I I dated a lot. And um which is sort of a double-edged sword. You know, people look at you and say, Well, that's a that was excessive, wasn't it? You know, you dated 300 women or had 2,000 dates, but over a period of time, you know.

SPEAKER_00 5:26

People have opinions and you know, who cares? Yeah. I don't I don't care. I mean, the opinions around me is like the whole thing about uh divorcing somebody and then remarrying. And uh, and I had a lot of people uh not necessarily happy that I got back with Mary Kay. Yeah, and uh that's my business. And if they don't like it, uh okay. Yeah, yeah, I think but but I think after a time they saw that it was gonna work this time. We've been together since we got back together. We've been together 24 years. Did you ever have a bad date in the in prior to that? I had bad dates, but you tell me your experience. Did you have any bad dates with Mary Kay? Is what I meant. Oh, with Mary Kay? Yeah. No. Okay. All right. I did not. No. And uh, yeah, I well, we'll get into me in a minute. I want to know more about your dating stuff.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

Oh, sure, you do. Of course you do. Uh, I wrote down 30 or 40 instances here of bad dates. And I've got to tell you that I was the I was the culprit most of the time. Oh, of course. He was all it was all me. I would have guessed that. Yeah, and I I think most of my friends would would probably guess that. I I'm gonna try to talk about uh at least one, two, or three, probably three. And I'll start out

The New Jersey Road Trip Date

SPEAKER_01 6:55

with um I I had a date. Uh I was in the Air Force and I'd gotten come back home, and my buddy Lucas said, we met these, uh we met these girls on spring break because he'd already gotten back into school. He had to go to the military too, and I thought we've talked about that. But he got back home and went on spring break break, and he said, You're coming in on uh you're coming in to see your parents or your your father and your sister, blah, blah, blah. Why don't while you're home, why don't we go up to New Jersey and and have a date with these young women that we met? Eric and I met, another one of our roommates on Spring Bridge. Make a long story short, we drove up there on a Friday. On a Friday, and it took us most of the day to get to New Jersey. That's a hall from central Kentucky. Oh, yeah. It's a it's a long way. So we went to Woodbridge or South Amboy. I can't remember. So they were in fairly close proximity. And uh Lucas had already met this one girl because he met her on spring break. Wanted to go up there and have some have a day or two with her, and she had a friend. And this friend, I don't know whether you remember the chunky girl. Nothing wrong with chunky. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with a little bit chunky, but this chunky girl was as wide as she was tall. She was cute enough, but she was the girl from Saturday Night Fever that had that had this thing for John Travolta's character. And I can't remember that. It's been a while. But anyway, she was a bit of a chain smoker. Uh she was a talker, and we went out that night and we went to the New Jersey shore. We went to some restaurants in this in New York City and we went to some um on the New Jersey shore looking for music, and we got in about three o'clock in the morning. And and I got up the next morning. I was getting ready to get up the next morning, and uh um my friend Lucas said, We've got breakfast dates with these girls. And I said, Nope. And and uh in this particular instance, it wasn't all on me. I have to part of it was, but um saying she wasn't for you. Let's just say she wasn't for me. And she was a very, very nice girl, and I regretted not going, but I was it was three o'clock in the morning when I got to bed. It was six o'clock when we woke up to go to breakfast, and I said, I ain't doing it. I'm not going. I said, I'll apologize to her, you can apologize to her, I can call her, write her a note, but I'm done with this date. I'm ready to go back home to Central Kentucky, back home to Lexington. Yeah, I don't think that's I I mean it wasn't horrible, but it was a long way to drive, a long drive just for that that you know.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

Oh, yeah, yeah, I get that. Okay. Well, I wondered about, I mean, uh trying to back you up a little bit. What about when you when did you start dating? How old were you?

SPEAKER_01 9:44

You know,

Prom Silence And Hayride Rejection

SPEAKER_01 9:45

I was really backward in high school, so I didn't realize until I was a junior that I could even get a date. And so in high school. In high school. Yeah. Yeah. So I I I had a few dates then and I went to the prom, and that was another bad date that was I asked her girl to the prom, and I doubt that we exchanged 10 words during the whole evening, you know. And and even after we got back to class on Monday, I doubt that I had really had much of a conversation with her after that, you know, maybe some pleasantries. But I took her for the to the prom for for Christ's sake. I, you know, I we we I owed her more than that. I really did.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

It was it was immature.

SPEAKER_00 10:26

I think I I can say that I have a similar well, I I'll tell you one of my bad ones early on. I had, I was afraid to hold a hand with a girl. That's how backward I was. I there was uh we put on some plays in grade school uh that what I was supposed to just hold the hand of the girl next to me, and I would not do it. They tried everything, and my character was from the 1900s or something, late 1800s, 1900s. And uh finally the teacher just said, Well, I guess they were a little more standoff. But they at least held hands. But they at least did that. But she let me fly on that because I just I wasn't gonna do it, and I was gonna take whatever punishment they were. It really is a hard thing to hold the hand to somebody. It's difficult if you don't want to do it, I guess. Yeah, I guess. And this girl was the girl laid the crush on that might have made it worse. Yeah. But yeah, my grade school crush, and I'll go down another little rabbit hole on her. Uh I had after that, I was getting up courage about uh seventh grade, I guess, about seventh grade. And I decided, I saw all my friends going out with girls. They all had girlfriends, you know. I didn't even realize that's a different step than just going on a date. But I I had never done that, and I wasn't about to, but I did decide I was gonna ask this girl if she would go to a hayride at my uh church, and uh she said yes. I was so excited. It was like, oh my god. I mean, I hadn't even thought about what happens once she shows up. Well, uh, my long story short is I didn't have to think about it because she didn't show up. The first time I ever asked a girl out, I get stood up. And so that whole night, I kept accept you know, expecting her to show up. I can't top that as a bad date, really. That's pretty bad.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

Talking about bad dates, that's uh I think that's a well I've got some worse beater.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

I got something worse than that, but I'm sure you do too. But it it was a tough start, and I'm not, you know, uh the girl's passed on now, so I guess I can talk about it, but uh I really liked her. I think she was a really, really nice girl. What happened, I find out later, was her mother wouldn't let her go on this uh hay ride because uh that was one of the identical twins that I told you about. And since her sister hadn't been invited, uh she didn't want you know, this girl to go as well.

SPEAKER_01 13:29

They could have told you that prior, couldn't they?

SPEAKER_00 13:32

Do people do that? Do people tell you things?

SPEAKER_01 13:35

I I guess not.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

I don't know, but it it it really set me back and kind of confirmed the fact that I'm not good enough. And uh so it was years. It was I was probably a junior in high school before I even asked anybody to go bowling to go bowling, and uh so my dates then uh double date, by the way, double date with our friend Reed. And uh so we we went bowling.

SPEAKER_01 14:12

It wasn't a triple date, it was a double date. It was or quadruple date.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

Yeah, later the double the triple date kind of came in later, but no, this was a double date, and we had uh limited monies, of course, but the bowling was a perfect thing because it was so cheap. You get like, you know, three games for a dollar or something like that. And we ended up going to AW Root beer afterwards. Oh, you showed her a good time. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and she was a super nice person. She's still a Facebook friend, and uh we had we had a good relationship, but I wasn't ready. I was not ready, I was already out of my element. And it set me back after after that. I went out with my friend Julia for senior prom. I think we've talked about that in the past. And all of these were these were none, none of these were romantic dates. I wasn't about to be afraid to hold hands. You could only imagine. You didn't try to kiss any of them at the door. Oh Lord, no.

Kissing Attempts Go Sideways

SPEAKER_00 15:20

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

I'd gotten to that point where where I could do that as a junior. I I just wad right in, right in there and take my chances.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

Well, I I I tried that one time with a girl that I played tennis with, and I liked her, and she was it was fun, and I thought we knew each other, and she seemed interested in me. And I thought it was great. We went to a Henry County football game, and then I thought, this is the night. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna just kiss somebody goodnight. And I it ended up I kissed the screen door.

SPEAKER_01 15:58

Did you slam the screen door in your face? A little bit. Well, at least it wasn't the regular uh um wooden door, it's storm door maybe. So you can see I kind of had setbacks. Well, let me say something about this. Now I've I've got a couple others I want to mention, but I think two-thirds of high school students were in in our sort of realm. I really do. I think even now, two-thirds of the at least the guys were going, I'm not sure I could even ask her out for a date. She's probably out of my league. I certainly can't kiss her goodnight at the door. I'm not even gonna think about that. But I think that was sort of dominant in uh I don't know whether it is now. Boy, I was uh I wish I thought that. It would make me feel a little bit more. I really think it was uh not contagious, but I think it was sort of a thing.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

And I'm not blaming those girls for any of this, just want to make sure. But because I was so backward, it made it so hard for me that I went through a period of thinking, I'm just not gonna, I'm never gonna have a girlfriend. And it made me make bad decisions later on because the first person I kissed, I married.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

And the first person I married, I just kept kissing. But it just didn't marry you didn't uh just marry the screen door. You kissed the door first. I did. I did it, I didn't count that Ed. I I know you would probably count it, but I'm not counting it. But anyway, uh I'll get to some of the other stuff later. I want to hear more about your story.

SPEAKER_01 17:32

So I've got I've got one that was really interesting to me. Um, we'll talk about me being sick on dates another time because you know I wanted to go on dates so badly, it didn't matter how sick, how sick I was, I was gonna figure out a way to go. So I'll go ahead and tell that one first. I had a date

Sneezing Disaster And Dating Lessons

SPEAKER_01 17:50

with the girl at the at the bank there in Georgetown when I was as I was growing up, and I'd already gotten out of high school and college, actually, by that time. And I invited her out to eat dinner or something like that. And I'd sneezed a couple of times during the day, and I thought, that's not that's not that's not gonna work out probably. So, but um my allergies might be acting up, so I'm gonna pass it off to that. By the time I picked her up for dinner at 5 30, this this couple of sneezes were earlier in the afternoon. By the time I picked her up for at 5 30 for dinner and got to the restaurant, I'd sneezed 317 times by then. And and and I I either had a tissue or or a handkerchief that I didn't really want to use on a date, but it was snot everywhere for the whole time. It really was. For our vans that are snot efficient on those. I've got some apologies to make at the end, probably for the snot comment and for just describing this young lady that I dated in New Jersey as chunky. So I apologize for that. I could use some other words, and I just didn't do it. But anyway, I asked this young lady out, and at the end of the evening, I'd gotten a good start on 317 or 18, 318 sneezes. By the end of the evening, I'd gotten up to about 625. And let's just say I was as miserable as miserable could be. She was miserable. We both were miserable, and that was the one and only date I ever had with her in my entire life. It was over by then. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

So that that it do it, wouldn't it? Oh, yeah. The one and done thing had happened to me a few times as well. I don't think that's in a I mean, the thing is you kind of have to remember about dating if you decide to do it. And people who don't, I'm fine with them too. I mean, some guys wait till they're 67 to oh no, but no, that was to get married. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 19:47

Uh the uh the the thing is it's all a learning experience and and it helps you over time, which I didn't do when I got married the first time. I married the woman, the first woman I kissed, and I was a virgin and I was doing all the things that you were supposed to do. Uh but then I didn't pay attention that our personalities were not good together. They didn't mesh. No, they did not mesh at all. Uh I don't think she personally liked me. Uh I I can't speak for her because I'm not gonna get her on the phone. I call her the person who shall not be named, uh, who who happens to be the mother of my daughter.

SPEAKER_01 20:39

Well, let's think about that then. You think you she didn't like you and then she married you. Why do you think she married you then?

SPEAKER_00 20:45

I think it was easy. It was easy as she thought if she married me, she was gonna get her away on everything, and she did. And whatever she wanted, I felt it was my responsibility to provide.

SPEAKER_01 21:01

Because you were you were uh acting uh um on a skip or script. Yeah for doing the scripted thing in your head, this is the way it goes.

SPEAKER_00 21:10

Yes. I had the kid, I had the first south, small yard.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

You know, it's gotten a little bit of a late start now. I'm gonna catch up a little bit. Yeah, I'm gonna do this and that.

SPEAKER_00 21:21

And uh it it worked really well until it didn't. Tell I just started having nothing but anxiety all the time. But you know, it led to a nervous breakdown. So uh once you've had the nervous breakdown and all the fallout that comes with it, uh you decide maybe you should try something different. Or you can stand up to anything after that. Well, you kinda can. Yeah. I mean, you get to a point like I said before, once you humiliate yourself, what was that? Which one was that, number five or something? In the rank on the Yeah, my fifth ramp, I think. Yeah, I think so. But uh once you humiliate yourself, it is really freeing because now

Marriage Scripts Divorce And Anxiety

SPEAKER_00 22:11

uh they it's harder to hurt you. It become a little bit, it become hard. And not the way you're thinking it. Uh please, please, you're now gonna have to rate this R. Yeah, well, we already rated R, but uh but no, I that was my story, and I honestly didn't figure out dating till uh I didn't go on any romantic dates till three years after I got my divorce. And that and then and then uh met Mary Kay fairly early on after that. And we just I mean, she's from uh San Francisco area, Berkeley, California, and that area, and I happened to be a bleeding heart liberal from Kentucky. It it worked. And uh anyway, but that uh that that's more about marriage and not so much dating. I have some dating stories later, but I want you to get by gear.

SPEAKER_01 23:15

I've I've got two more that I want to just kind of superficially run over, and they're both funny. They're they're they were bad, but they were funny at the same time. So

Cop Interruption During Parking

SPEAKER_01 23:25

there was this young woman uh that I wanted to date, but she'd been dating a friend of mine, or at least some an acquaintance of mine, but a friend, but he quit dating her. I thought I'm gonna ask her out. The first date that we went out, um maybe second or third, I can't remember. It's been fifty, sixty years. Um I thought it'd be a good idea to pr to park with her. Oh you know, I thought that'd be a great idea. Is that good later? I yeah, I it's first, second, or third. Who's care I think it could have been the first, but it I think the third. But anyway, I I parked over um a place that you know, at least you know of it. And I'll just say it, it's Newtown Pike and it's close to Lexington. I was parking over there on Newtown Pike. There was some the guy who was building a house back along the Elkhorn Creek, and I'd seen the construction back there, and I thought, I can just back into there and and we can park for a little while. And uh, you know, ulterior motives altogether that had I speaking like you. So uh I had ulterior motives, and I admit it, but not huge ulterior motives. But anyway, we're we're in the car, and all of a sudden, I I see this he was a state cop or count a county cop or uh count this uh Georgetown policeman car drive up. And I and I told her, I said, I hadn't planned on this. I don't know how I'm gonna talk my way out of this. So he comes over to the door and he said, uh, what's happening here? And I said, nothing. We're just kind of sitting, you know, just having having a conversation. She's my she's my date, I'm her date, blah, blah, blah. And he said, I can see that. He said, Why don't you show me your driver's license, your operator's license? And I said, Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. Well, I was nervous at that by that point, extremely nervous. So I was digging into my wallet and things were flying everywhere out of my wallet, the cards and pictures and things like that. He said, I told you I wanted to see your operator's license, and I want you to show it to me right now, not in a few minutes. So I grabbed what I think is my my driver's license and hand it to him, and I'm frazzled. And anybody that knows me that I can get pretty frazzled pretty damn quickly. So it's just a it's a character flaw. But anyway, uh I I handed it to him and he was looking at it, and I he had it in the palm of his hand, and he said, You're trying to be a smart ass, aren't you? And I said, No, sir. And he said, Well, why did you give me what looks like your senior picture? And I said, I I I I don't know. I don't know. I thought that I was digging out my driver's license. This is a very nice picture. You take a good photo, um, but let me see your operator's license and let me see it five minutes ago. Hand it to me right now. So I finally was able to dig that by that time cards, my license and everything was in like in the foreboard or in the console, and I was able to find it, showed it to him, and he said, I've got an idea. Drive away from here right now. Drive away from here right now. And he said, Don't come back to this spot ever again.

SPEAKER_00 26:31

So in the meantime, in the meantime, she's enjoying the whole thing.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

And we had a few more dates after that, so it, you know, it wasn't uh it didn't kill the d the date necessarily, you know, it wasn't a it wasn't a deal breaker, but uh well I had I had uh I had a date one time.

SPEAKER_00 26:53

This is way later, this is after my uh second divorce. I had

Online Date With A Declined Card

SPEAKER_00 27:00

a date with a a woman who was a friend of uh a guy you would know, a guy that's on here, so I better not say, but he was um she liked him a lot. He was a professional and he was a celebrity, and I was also a celebrity by that time. You know, a minor league celebrity, yes, but they would be considered that big fish in a small pond? So I had met this girl online, and and people talk about online being horrible. It's not any worse than meeting people. You don't know, uh, especially if you get to learn a little bit about them beforehand.

SPEAKER_01 27:39

And I have some others that I didn't do my uh my own research a lot about the internet for one thing, so you couldn't do a lot of research on them.

SPEAKER_00 27:53

So yeah, and this girl, uh this girl uh said uh she wanted to meet, but she was impressed. She really had a crush on the other guy who was married at the time. And I said, uh, okay, we'll go. I'll tell you what, we'll go to the club, we'll go down to the comedy club. One of my best friends is up there, it was a wild Bill Bauer. You remember him? Of course, yeah. I love that guy. He was uh so she I I meet her, she's she's gorgeous. I mean, way out of my league. And uh we went uh we went to eat. And when they came to bring the check, I grabbed the check, of course, some paying. Uh guess what? My card declined. And the reason it declined, I couldn't figure out why. I had gotten a new card and I hadn't yet called it in and gotten it uh verified, and I couldn't figure it out. You didn't have a cell phone that you could just immediately do that. Oh no, there was I don't think we It was before cell phones. I I believe so, yeah. And uh I couldn't verify it. So she ended up having to pay part of that. And then I went down to the club and I told them, I said, I've got a card, but it's declining. I said, because they knew me. Uh my pictures up there, you know, from doing comedy. And I said, You know me, you know I'm gonna pay. Can I have a loan so I could pay her for the meal and all that? And uh Jeff said, Yeah. And he gave me the money with interest? Yeah. That doesn't mean I would have, I would have, I probably would have done free shows for him or something like that. That's probably what he would have wanted. But uh, yeah, I'd go up there and uh then I pay her back. We watched the show. Bill was his normal, crazy, fun uh self and all that kind of stuff. And I thought, well, I think I've I think I've retrieved this. So afterwards, I'm walking her to a car because we had met at the club separate cars. I went to her car and uh she jumped in and rolled the window up really fast and uh and drove away. I'm sitting there high and dry thinking, and what the what the hell just happened? Because I thought it was going well. So I thought I normally wouldn't do this, but he did contact her and say, uh, what's what's going on? She said, You didn't tell me you were so fat. And so so uh my interest in her kind of went down a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 30:41

You didn't tell me you were so mad.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

Yeah, well, I don't even know what I said. I think I just said oh okay, yeah, pretty much, but that don't didn't you have another one?

SPEAKER_01 30:51

I I have at least two more, but I I can do one of them because we're gonna run out of time.

SPEAKER_00 30:56

That's all right. I I do have another story that I want to get to, so but uh I mean it just goes a little longer, so what?

SPEAKER_01 31:04

So I

Bengals Cheerleader Dinner Money Panic

SPEAKER_01 31:05

looked up somehow or another. I found out that I could get dates, and uh I've told you that I lived um I grew up in Georgetown, so I I was near Georgetown College, so I I dated a few girls from Georgetown College after I got out of high school, and even then, and um I I met this girl, really pretty girl. I I'm not gonna say her name, but I can give your background a little bit. Her father was some sort of a uh an attorney over in Cincinnati, big big league, you know, major league kind of guy, big time. And and he even though she was a college student, he'd gotten her either part-time or full-time job of being a Bengals, being a Bengals cheerleader, the bing, one of the bengals. And so I don't have to tell this girl was attractive enough without saying, because you've you you're a Bengals fan, so you've you've seen the Bingals. Yeah. Oh yeah. So anyway, I I asked her out and don't really expect her to go, but she but she goes, and we go to a pretty nice restaurant over in Lexington. It's uh defunct now, and I can't remember the name of it, but a lot of my friends uh took dates there just sort of impress them. Uh well, I had some cash in my pocket, and this was before I even owned a credit card. And um I had enough cash uh to eat a pretty good meal and maybe have a drink or two each. And I th we got to the end of the meal and it was really pleasant, it was really good. And uh I said, I'm gonna need to go to the restroom. I'm gonna run back here and then we'll then we'll leave. I'll I'll pay and we'll leave. And she said, okay. Well, I went to the restroom and I and I'd gotten back, and she said, Well, I took the liberty of ordering us two more drinks, a drink each, blah, blah, blah. And I said, Oh yeah, that's uh that's great. That's great. That's great. That's uh that's uh that's that's good. And uh she said, let's sit here for a little while and just just talk. And I said, That sounds good. Knowing full aware, I was full aware that I didn't have enough money to cover the bill then. I did have it with Tip, didn't have it then. So anyway, uh the guy brings me the bill, and I I said, I'm gonna run back to the restroom again. I've got a little bit of sniffles. I'm gonna go back here below my nose. So I followed him back, followed him back to the where the kitchen was, and I said, Hey ma'am, and he said, Hey ma'am, what's up? And I said, here's the deal. I did have enough money to pay for this meal before she ordered two drinks, two more drinks when I went to the restroom. And I said, I don't have any more money than than what I have, uh including tip. And I said, I can do it one of two ways. Of course, I can watch I can work for you. I can take your shift if you want, if you want me to. I really would rather not do that. Or you can trust me to bring the money back tomorrow, or I've got what are called counterchecks, C-O-U-N-T-E-R. And for anybody who's younger than us, they might not know what a countercheck is. I'd say. I'd say most. Most. Well, counterchecks didn't have any personal demographic information on them at all. And you could pick them up at the bank. You could just grab a handful of counterchecks if you wanted to and walk out with them. They weren't numbered or anything. And I'd I'd when I was in the bank, I'd stick four or five of them in my wallet and use them. And anyway, I I said, I've got this countercheck that I'm willing to put my name and address and phone number and all that stuff on there. If you'll take it, I don't expect you to take it, will you? And he said, Yep, I will take it. And I said, Okay, that's great. So anyway, I gave him the countercheck. I gave him the money and the tip at the end of the evening, and everybody was happy. But you know, you wouldn't be able to get you wouldn't be able to do that now. You'd have to have a personal check that had information.

SPEAKER_00 34:38

Well, you know, the thing about the counterchecks. I mean, uh most of the time that my dad was in the service station, that's that's what's how they paid. Yeah, in fact, we kept a stack of counterchecks on the on the counter. And there's probably one bank there in Campbell's Parks, and so they'd use that bank if they're going to use any. Uh so yeah, that I I'm totally familiar, but you're right. I bet nobody even knows about it. No, uh uh, but that countercheck, they hardly know about personal checks anymore. I know.

SPEAKER_01 35:08

Uh but it bailed me out, and I I was really thankful for that, and it turned out okay.

SPEAKER_00 35:12

Well, you're right. We are getting close to the end of this. We have other stories we'll tell about all this shit uh sometime in the future, but I do want to mention uh one other well, I'm gonna give you two quickies,

Champagne Night Ends With Police

SPEAKER_00 35:25

okay? All right, I had one date that I met her on Love A Love Aol. We had a lot in common. She thought I was a star because it was with the comedy club, and she showed up and I took her once again because I always had passes for the didn't have a lot of money, but I had passes for the comedy club. And we saw Diane Ford. I remember her. Yeah, great she was blonde. Yeah, oh yeah. Just and she just passed away recently. Yeah, she's a she was a great comic.

SPEAKER_01 35:59

And she was a she's a lot of Nikki Glasser, a little bit. She was statuesque and blonde like that. You would get the best, yeah, wouldn't you? Yeah, well.

SPEAKER_00 36:09

Well, that played a part in it, believe it or not, because uh uh my date had ordered three bottles of champagne at one time. Three. One, two, three.

SPEAKER_01 36:26

Was it the expensive stuff or the cheap stuff?

SPEAKER_00 36:28

Uh I can medium. I don't even remember. I just remember thinking, oh my god, how am I how am I gonna get out of this? And uh, and there was a lot of getting out to it, but uh she made a pass of Diane after I was trying to teach uh trying to uh introduce her to Diane because they thought that'd be kind of nice. You get to meet a star and all that. And I had knew Diane before. Uh so but your date was battling for the other team. Oh, yeah. Well, she decided to all of a sudden. Uh but she uh made a big pass out of and she was so drunk because I didn't drink any of the champagne. She drank all three bottles. Uh well, she was staggering then, wasn't she? I couldn't hardly get her in the car. And I thought I'm gonna get her in the car, get her to her apartment because of uh we'll take her to the hospital. I think she had done this before. Um I was guessing, but she was so drunk, she got in my car, would not put on a seatbelt, just refused. That only seat belt, yeah. And I I kept saying it, look, I'm not gonna drive to you, but then she won that battle life. I decided I'll I'll drive carefully, but I'm gonna take my chances and get her home. I got her home. The next day she calls me and said, Why didn't you come over and stay? She said, The girls wanted you to stay. I was so stupid I didn't know what the girls were at the time.

SPEAKER_01 38:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:02

Uh, but I said, uh, no, I said, I don't think we had that much in common. She said, we do, kept arguing over it. And I said, look, I'm going, I'm going to bed. It was the next night. I'm going to bed. And she said, Well, why don't I come over? And I said, Why don't you not come over? And she came over, uh nude in a mint coat, and would not go away. I ignored every ring and everything. All of a sudden I hear a noise. Sound like a woodpecker. I thought, Oh, this is the girl who chopped your door. Yeah, she took a pair of scissors and started chopping away at my door. So the night ended up with uh me calling the police, and and the police having escort her off the property. So I'm considering that a bad date.

SPEAKER_01 38:55

Listen, I thought I had a couple of instances, a couple of examples of bad dates. That doesn't that doesn't come anywhere near that. Mine, mine don't even come close to that. That's the best one.

SPEAKER_00 39:06

That's the best one. Well, I got one more. You know it's not a competition, but that was a well, and I think you went overall. I don't, I don't think I got away with my life. So, so was it

Baskets Decor And Finding Yourself

SPEAKER_00 39:20

a good thing or a bad thing? Uh I had one other one. This was after Mary Kay and I had uh divorced, and all of my bad dates had happened, and I met this girl online. She said uh her uh handle was a little red Corvette. And I thought, well, Prince fan. Exactly. Okay, and that's a good thing. Yeah, uh, she said she looked like uh she said I've gained a little weight, but I uh but I look like Drew Barrymore. And Drew Barrymore was one of my I I loved her. I do like not just the way she looked, but her personality, everything. So uh I think, well, okay, the computer matches said it was uh a great match. I got a computer wink. You remember the wink? Yeah, I do, yeah. I got a wink, and uh so we exchanged phone mail uh phone calls and decided to meet for supper. And this time I decided if I was gonna meet somebody who was gonna drink three bottles of alcohol, maybe I wouldn't do that. Maybe we'd just go out to eat. So she wanted to go to uh Bellanote. You know where Bellanote is. Yeah, yeah, not too expensive or anything like that. Middle of the road. It was a hot August night. I met her there. Um, and when I got there, I was waiting around. I didn't see her. Turns out I finally got uh word that she was already inside. Uh so you're looking for Drew Barrymore. I'm looking for Drew Barrymore, and I will say that you know, when I sent her my photo, I sent her a current photo. She sent me a photo, and when I saw her, I thought, well, she's she not really Drew Barrymore. Uh Lionel. Maybe she was she maybe she's yeah, Lionel Barrymore. That would have been a better uh no, she wasn't that bad, and and she was heavy, but you know, that that never was a big problem for me. Chunky. I was just I was more like, well, your photo's not exactly honest. So that's not a good start. But uh anyway, I go into Bell and Note and I see this woman, and she's she's 46 years old. Uh she waved her hand in the air that she and and I thought, well, she's actually more attractive than I expected. Uh because you know people lie all the time. Uh she said, My name is Mindy. Okay, nice to meet you, Mindy. I hope you don't mind, she said. I hope you don't mind if I address these envelopes while we do our supper date thing. Is that unusual? Have you had that happen to you before? No. It's okay. So she hooked me there. I did I ask about the envelopes? I did. She said that she was uh preparing for her class reunion, and she said, other people in the class have tried to do it, but she said nobody is uh as good as Mindy. So you she used third person. Uh so she's preparing for this uh for this class reunion. So I started. So you have a reunion every year? And she said, yep, yep, we sure do. I thought that was weird. Do you like this?

SPEAKER_01 43:02

No, it is weird.

SPEAKER_00 43:03

Uh but I thought I'd put another toe in the water and just keep asking about that. And and I said, Well, I said, but well, tell me something else about yourself. What else do you like? She said, I like baskets. Uh, that was a new one for me. And I said, baskets? What kind of baskets? She said, I like the big wicker baskets. I thought I like them like around here, the ones that are on the wall here. I look around the room and I see all these baskets on the wall at Bellinote. I hadn't even noticed them before. She said, I like the big billing type uh baskets. I don't like the ones of the little tiny ones and stuff. I like the big ones. You can put stuff in, as you do. Yeah. And uh and then I I kept listening to her, and she said, I got a question for you. Yeah. She said, if you were buying me a basket, what kind of basket would it be? That's a new question for me. Yeah, for one one thing. Yeah. Billowing. You don't want to bring me something that's not billowing. So uh she pointed to several ones out there, and I finally I thought, she's nice enough, but this is not gonna write itself. There's there's nothing that so I just started racing through the pasta once they brought it. I I just was that's the title of the short story. Yeah, racing through the pasta. Well exactly. Among the baskets out there. Oh, and uh I got done and I said, you know, I said I'm ready to go, and I forgot I had another appointment that I needed to get to. And she said, okay, all right. She said, I'll walk into the door and she said, but I want to I want to ask one question here. Let me get a guy. Uh guys were passing by waiters. Yeah. And she said, I want to ask them when they change their decor in here, could I have those baskets? And if not, how much would it cost? And so uh when I left, I kind of left shortly after that, almost not noticed because she was talking to the waiter about the basket. I left and I walked out the door and I thought, I don't know if it gets crazier than this. And I'm not depressed. I wasn't depressed at all about the date going by because I thought what I figured out from that is I've been single for a little bit. I was going on dates, I was doing things with friends, including you. Um you know, things didn't always go the way you expect them to go, but I'm having fun here. I'm happy, and I found somebody uh who makes me happy and whole again, and that is me. And you were amused by the whole thing. I wasn't amused by the whole thing. Uh the uh yeah, and and I ended up writing a story, I think, for uh the Carnegie Center, and it's called Something Wicker

Closing Thoughts And Playout

SPEAKER_00 46:25

This Way Comes.

SPEAKER_01 46:26

Oh, I see what you did there.

SPEAKER_00 46:28

Well, we've rattled on here. I think we got plenty of material for this episode. So why don't you play us out of here, Ed?