DJ Mim On Sobriety & Creating Spaces for Queer Black Women

DJ Mim is known for being one of the best DJs and LGBTQ promoters in the DMV area. Her journey to get to the top includes falling in love with DJing while overseas, dealing with family, and her current road to longstanding sobriety.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I think for anybody who probably interacts with me now, talks to me now, as opposed to interacting and talking to me 10 years ago, they may feel like they are encountering a different person. And I don't care. Because I'm happy to be a different person. I think that when someone changes in a way where your toxic behavior is still happening and they are repelling that, they are gonna take you as being negative because the mirror is not on them, it's with you.

SPEAKER_03 0:38

It has been a long time. I shouldn't have left you without another episode to listen to. Y'all like that, right? Okay, no. Welcome back, y'all. Back in the mix, we all have journeys episode three. I know it's been a while. Life be life. Y'all, y'all, y'all see me on Instagram. My life be life's. And my guest today, her life be life and doing great things.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

And do.

SPEAKER_03 1:10

She's a DJ. Entrepreneur. Renaissance woman. A chef. A lover. Not a fighter. The one and only DJ Mim. Wow, that was that was amazing.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

That was amazing. I was like, is she talking about me? I'm talking about you. That's me.

SPEAKER_03 1:30

Take her. Now, yes. We're both together right now. I need to ask you this, because it happens to me. Okay. Do people confuse you for me? Oh, oh, yeah. Because I get called Mim.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

Yeah, it's up. Like literally, somebody will walk past me and be like, what's up, Heat? I'd be like, hey. I'd be like, they'd be like, Mim, I'm like, listen, like we're listening. We're different complexions. No, it's listen, it's the it's the our hair is different. It's a color and a compliment. For me, it's like, you know, there is a distinction, but at least people are recognizing that we exist.

SPEAKER_04 2:03

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

You know what I'm saying? They didn't say, oh, what's good, ugly? You know what I'm saying? So I'm just trying to. That's true.

SPEAKER_03 2:09

We don't owe nobody money. So it ain't scary when it happens. Then they about to run up on using or they just they just confusing y'all, y'all mixing y'all lesbians up. Right, right, right. We cool kids. We cool kids.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

We don't bring no drama, no none of that.

SPEAKER_03 2:23

No drama. The first thing I want to dive into.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:27

Cuz uh I'm sure when everybody saw this post, it was like, what happened? 100 Days Sober. Oh you was looking like what?

SPEAKER_00 2:39

I'm gonna talk about some other posts. They're not bad. Listen, I'm good with that. I could listen, I didn't believe it until I till I believed it. You know, and I think, you know, not to be too long-winded on it, but you know, we've we've been in this world and have worked literally beside a bar 91% of the time. Yeah. You know what I mean? We've done private events, we do stuff. It's like alcohol is always present.

SPEAKER_03 3:09

That is true.

SPEAKER_00 3:10

You know, and for me, sometimes I teeter between, huh, okay, just tell them no, you good. When people be like, hey, ma'am, you want to drink? No, no, no, I'm good, I'm good. Or somebody just bring it over. And my girlfriend tells me all the time, stop drinking every cup that comes to you. I was like, you're right. You know what I'm saying? But by then, you know, in that way of life, just, you know, I think as the as that as that 40 kicks in, the rebound from it is different.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:36

Um, I noticed that my focus is is definitely different now. But the biggest catalyst for me is uh this was my second year in a row doing a New Year's trip. Okay. On a it was a cruise. Right. Girl, they had me on the Royal Caribbean with the drink package.

SPEAKER_02 3:51

Oh, Shax.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

And you know, the drink package, I heard about those. It's just unlimited. You know what I'm saying? So you wake up and you on the top shelf until you go to bed. You know what I mean? Oh, top shelf, not bread. No, no, no, no, no. Just top shelf. Like you, like in in on the last trip, we gotta watch. Okay. You just bang, bang, bang, bang. That's it. That's crazy. That's how you that's how your package worked. And I was like, look, and the thing was eight days. I'm like, eight days of just full of liquor. You know, and I'm not gonna say the brand I was drinking. Yeah, no, no, no. But it was brown. And you already taking you down. It was calories, it was bloat, it was a lot of sugar and calories. All this stuff, right? So, you know, my homie was, it was two couples. So my homie was like, hey, you know what? When we get back, you know, let's do 30 days, you know, drink free, kind of like to detox and unwind.

SPEAKER_02 4:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

So I was like, okay, all right, you know, so we're talking Gemini to Gemini. And then she was like, well, you know, if we feel like extending it, you know, we kind of can.

SPEAKER_02 4:52

Right.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

But she kicked it off. But me being the overachiever that I am, as we were approaching the 30 days and we were checking in with each other every day, every morning. That's awesome. I'm like, friend, we got this, you know, boom, boom, boom, boom, sending motivational stuff to each other. So when we got to the end of it, we both was like, Yeah, I think I'm gonna let it go another week. You know, and then she was like, I'm just gonna start drinking wine and like, you know, not hard liquor, champagne, not hard liquor. And I just was thinking about how different I felt. How my blood tests in this blood work in December looked different than my blood work after a last hundred days. Yeah, like, yeah. And I was like, Yeah, I can keep pushing. You know what I mean? And I don't, I mean, I'm not gonna sit here and say this is a life choice. You know, I'm definitely not putting on a habit and becoming a nun, but definitely not having it nearly a part of my life, you know. And I think at some point, if I do resume, because I love Prosecco, like it's just bubbles, who can't do that, right? But that hard liquor and these nights, I don't know how I got home and partying and drinking so hard.

SPEAKER_03 5:56

Yeah, yeah, that could be kind of scary because like even for me, even though I'm not like in the club scene as much as you are, I I haven't drank liquor while DJing probably since like oh eight. Wow. Yeah, yeah. You know, a lot of people are shocked by that. Like it any gig, even like those years when I was DJing in the stadium and I like I would never drink liquor. Uh, because like I I again, like you were saying, I just didn't like how it felt. I'm being, you know, Virgos, we could be control freaks and want total like control, especially like control of my body. I was like, okay, I don't like the way I feel when I'm DJing when I have alcohol in me. I know some DJs kind of feel the opposite. I don't know, I don't know why. I heard you. I I heard you. You might want to reconsider. That's fine. You think you're you're you're turning up and you're having the best set ever, but alcohol makes us think a lot of different things. But I know how I felt. So yeah, I I never drink alcohol when I'm DJing. And so I could, I so I know for me, uh, you know, at one point, just first starting that off, um, it could be like a lot of peer pressure. People like, you know, have I'm like, nah, just give me, can you give me like a ginger ale? Right, right. I'm like, yeah, Club Soda and Cranberry. Right. So we're dealing with peer pressure for you. How's that been like?

SPEAKER_00 7:12

Uh, you know what? It it really hasn't been honestly too big of a struggle because once I tell somebody, oh no, I'm not drinking, people are just like, oh, you're doing dry, whatever the month is. Oh, right, like. And I think it's high behind. It's dry January. Come back next month, it's dry February, too. But you know, from that perspective, I I'm not bothered by it. And then I have a partner who is more a social drinker and not really in the hard liquor, so that balance is there, so I'm not like consumed with having to drink it. And so, I mean, but uh literally, I feel so much better. That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:45

That's a blessing. And and you spoke about your health, like with seeing those numbers, yeah, that's a big deal as we get older. Like, all of a sudden, get your blood work, y'all. Right.

SPEAKER_00 7:54

Because we always lie to the doctor. Do you drink? Oh, just a little bit. No, no, no. That blood number, like, um showing up the lab core hungover. A life lab core hung over. Right, exactly. So, but yeah, it's just a different. And I I mean, I I don't know if it's just age, environment, you know, whatever the growth is, but um, I feel like I'm in a much better place now. We're so happy for you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

SPEAKER_03 8:22

Okay, let's let's rewind back as we discuss your journey. Let's let's go back to young Mem growing up. You're from Northeast DC, correct?

SPEAKER_00 8:31

Yeah, well, I was I mean, okay. You know what? It's always that's let's get to it. Yeah, okay. Break it up. Go ahead, go ahead. I'm a ho I'm a I'm truly a city girl. Okay, so I was up born at Washington Hospital Center. Yes. And then grew up in Northeast, went to elementary in Northeast, had a little get kicked out situation. Why did everybody was getting kicked out? I don't know. What did you do? Young men just couldn't control their mouth. You know what I'm saying? It wasn't scholastic or anything like that. Like I just had stuff to say. Yeah. And I went to a Catholic school, and I think that culturally that was so weird for me. Yeah. Um, like it really was the first time I was interacting with what I consider back in the second grade. I'm like, why does this lady have on a costume? You know. Um, it didn't make sense to me. And I was curious, you know, I wanted to know, like, how do y'all, like, what do you what's the purpose of this and all this other kind of stuff. So I was asked, well, my mom was asked to, you know, have me attend somewhere else. So then I went to Watkins in Southwest. Um, no, that's Southeast, sorry, the Southeast side. Um, then I returned back to that same Catholic school. They let you back in. They let me back in the fifth grade, sixth grade, you know, it was I was on the fence about getting getting removed then. And so then I made my way to junior high school. So then I went to junior high school in Southwest, which was Jefferson. Okay. Um, so you know, I was like, oh, okay, I'm down here with the, you know, I don't have to wear no uniform. You wear the uniform? Okay, just like listen, I was, but after seventh grade, eighth grade was the first year DC adopted the uniform policy. The uniform policy. I was like, not back at it. Here we go. But so I wore that little, whatever. Yeah, I know. I had a friend that went to Jefferson, so I knew the exact one. Cool, yeah. Now, the skirt very rarely made an appearance. You know, sometimes I wore gray shorts, I wore gray pants, but that little skirt wasn't it wasn't rocking that gray skirt. No, and um, and then from there I went to Banneker. Okay. Not new Banneker in Shaw, but old Banneker on across from Howard. So that's a new Banneker? Yeah, they built a brand new school. Oh, it's beautiful too. Really? Oh, yeah, oh yeah. I'm still thinking that joint across from Howard. I don't know what they're gonna do with the building. That's good real estate over there. Yeah, yeah. But continue on, you guys. Yeah, but that was just so when I say, you know, I think, I mean, uh yes, from DC, but schooled in different quadrants, it it did feel like I was in a different place. And you know what I'm saying? Yeah, because all over, yeah. You know, over by you know, Ben and Road, over by Benin Road, it was different. Right. So when I was getting on that train, going all the way across town, catching the 70 bus of Georgia to go to Banneker when everybody else was going to like Sping-Gone or stuff closer to that area, it was just a whole different world. But, you know, it felt good. So, you know, when I say I'm from DC, been in every quadrant, literally have. What made you choose to go to Bannonegar? Oh, my mother. Oh. Yeah, yeah. You know, she was like, you need to be in a place where all of this social stuff you can't really focus on.

SPEAKER_03 11:40

What would have been your neighborhood school? Because I know that was a thing. Like for me, I didn't go to my neighborhood high school either.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

Let's see. I th I honestly think it probably would have been Spingard.

SPEAKER_03 11:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

Yeah. Yeah, because I was I was off of Benin Behind Benin Train Station. Yeah, you probably would have been Sping on, yeah. Yeah, because I think the junior high was what's the what's the I forgot. It was right next door, though. I forgot what it is. Hines or something. No, not Hines, but something like that. We we're getting older, y'all. Yeah, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is. You know, and I was like a like a closeted nerd anyway. So Banneker really fit, right? It did feel good for me. You know, it was uh a much smaller school, you know. I focus really was on learning, and you know, it it kept me safe. Because you said you was a good student. Oh, yeah, they had those problems. I just ran my mouth too.

SPEAKER_03 12:22

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? And that tends to be a thing. Do you feel like you probably wasn't challenged enough or maybe bored with the curriculum?

SPEAKER_00 12:30

I think that I honestly was a little socially awkward. Um, and I used running my mouth, telling jokes, being a comedian as a deflection, you know. Um, because way back when at that Catholic school that kicked me out, they did skip me. So you were smart. Yeah, so being a little younger and socially not quite on grade level with everyone else, I think I just use that run in my mouth as a deflection. You know, everybody likes the funny girl. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:02

What made you socially awkward?

SPEAKER_00 13:04

I I think nature.

SPEAKER_03 13:06

Nature, you just just just growing up.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

I think I think just nature. Coming into your own. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think in a way, like, if when I'm not in social settings and not DJing, I still am very socially awkward. You know. Same. Yeah, yeah. Like if I go to events, I'm like just chilling, just seen somewhere. Yeah, I'm very introverted. Yeah, don't really want to be seen. I just want to experience what's happening in that space. You know, so I mean, it's just what we are and what we do.

SPEAKER_04 13:35

So I'm I'm gonna ask this. Uh woman to woman to, you know, W L woman loving woman to woman, loving woman.

SPEAKER_03 13:43

Uh, like growing up in school, like when did you realize coming to terms, like that you like, okay, am I attracted to women?

SPEAKER_00 13:51

Elementary.

SPEAKER_03 13:51

Elementary school.

SPEAKER_00 13:52

Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, Freaky Friday was my day. Yo! Yeah, it was, it was. Right behind the dumpsters. That was my day. No, are you serious? Yeah. Elementary school. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my god. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, you know, you know, I was a I was a bicurious magnet, you know. So serious? Yeah, you know, because it's you know, the little tomboy edge, you know. And I think back then we didn't think about it in that space of, oh, I think she's gay or whatever. But and I think in in then in junior high, it was kind of like, eh, didn't want to be the one that stuck out, but was not interested in boys. Had a little boy or two that, you know, was into me, but see what happens. But that was it. But I think by the time high school came, it was like, okay, when I get to college, it's gonna be buck wild. We just gonna live out loud and make it make sense. So did that happen when you went to the city?

SPEAKER_03 14:48

It did.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

It did Hampton. And so Oh, you was out. Oh gosh. Home by the sea. By the sea. No, so yeah, yeah. It was a lot, it was a lot by that sea, I tell you that. Um and it was a you know, it was a different world, you know, running down the road to Freaknik, you know, going down the spellman and North Carolina A and T, getting in the car, going to, you know. We ain't passing over Freeknik. We ain't passing over Freaknik. Okay. Remember, you went to Freaknik? Yeah, yeah. I was too young to be there too. Because remember, I was skipped, so you know, got down there a little bit. And it was like, you know, it was a lot to see. It was back before like booties was booty. You know what I'm saying? Like booties was like taboo. Now we see them, you know, it's dime a dozen booties, but back then it was just booties, bikes, and black people. You know what I mean? B B. Yeah, yeah. And I think that so many people lost their souls at such places because if you didn't come from like a DC, you know, like at Hampton, it was like you got the DC click, then you got the DMV click. Yeah, then you got New York, and people who are somewhere from some part of the South. I feel like a lot of HBCUs was like that. Yeah, yeah. So if you the Midwest girls always showed up on campus, seeming like, you know, they just got off a little hayride. But by second semester, they uh gutterbugs. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 16:06

Yeah, environments can turn you out in different ways, or just unleash what's been buried inside of you that you can't do back home where everybody that knows you can see.

SPEAKER_00 16:17

Exactly. And I love to see the transformation. Yo, like you could always, you could like see it. It was like when they walked into a space, you'd be like, Yeah, you wait a couple of weeks, they were different. And then you see their friends change, you know. Like they may be around other people that seem to be kind of like them, but then once they shift into a different social circle, yeah, you see a different person. You know, and it was fun to watch. What did you uh major in using high? Computer information systems. Oh, you're smart, smart. Oh, what? Try to be. Come on! Yeah, and then you know. Look at me now. What did you do with? Nothing. But you know, we DJ with computers. Yeah, yeah, we do. We do, we do, we do, we do. You still don't it? We do, we do. And my aunt still calls me every time she buys a new cell phone. Oh. Can you teach me how to listen?

SPEAKER_03 17:05

As long as you stick with Android, I'm gonna teach you everything you need to know. Let me tell y'all something about about Mim. She is the most dedicated Android user in the world. Y'all see she got her Android right there, right? She has her Android phone with her. Like, you you ride hard for Android. I will. That's a nice nice and shiny. Her screen is never cracked. You know, we we we get the green bubbles. Camera stay popping though, cameras stay popping. It's all to the good. Like, listen, you you you are not backing down from anything. No. So more power to you. Um, I'm gonna go more to like your upbringing and like coming out. Um, was there a family like accepting of you and your lifestyle as we all like like to say it?

SPEAKER_00 17:46

Uh you know, I will start at the I will start at the top of the the the chain. My grandmother went to her grave not really knowing what my life was about. But we were in a space where she recognized when I showed up with a partner that that person was more than just a friend. You know, but we didn't speak about it. Right. But she was very loving to whomever I showed up with.

SPEAKER_02 18:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

But the hey grandma, I'm this, or you know, that that conversation never took place. Right. You know, and I was I was I was happy that we were able to be in a space where it didn't come between us, so to speak. Yeah. My mom initially was um, I think a typical black mother. Is my daughter gonna have children? Is my daughter gonna get married? Was there something that I did to create this in her? What did I show her? You know, all those things happen. And it's hard having that conversation. Like I was probably like 17, yeah, um, talking to her, and she just couldn't understand where she went wrong. But I'm like, it's not about you. You know, it will never be about you. You know, and honestly, I'm trying to figure out what's what it's about. So, you know, that was one thing. And then my sister was like in the background laughing, like, so you do know when she was three. Um, and then you do know when she was like, There's no surprises here.

SPEAKER_03 19:14

It's always shocking when family try to say they don't know. Right. Right. How did you not? Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

But listen, my sister was my my cheerleader, my champion, the go-between at first between us and and so and my family's very small. So it's like I only have one sibling, um, and now you know both my parents are gone. So the support is there. Um and it's it coming out wasn't as hard as I thought it was gonna be when I hear the stories of other people. Yeah, yeah. You know, in this in in that they are still in that space as adults. Yeah. You know, having to not bring their partners with them to family functions or not speak of their partner.

SPEAKER_03 19:55

Just be like just disbarred from the family, I guess you could say.

SPEAKER_00 19:59

Yeah, and it's and it's it's really hard, I think, for black people to move past certain stuff. You know, I think that we do generational things like our thinking. You know, we're not being open to certain stuff, not being open to I would well, I guess we could say lifestyle choices, not being open to mental health discussions. Yeah, so because uh a lot of times as a young person, those go hand in hand.

SPEAKER_02 20:26

They do.

SPEAKER_00 20:27

You know, your coming out is definitely tied into your mental well-being. You know, and when you're not getting that support, it's like what's gonna happen to this person? You know, and where do they go? Because you're shunned for doing this and you're shunned for doing that, and then you can't get assistance. No, you know, so but you know, I I try to stay on the on the on the on the side of if you know better, you'll do better. You know. So I just hope that these moms that are listening, if you have children in your space, that you are patient, you are understanding, and you are nurturing to this human. It doesn't matter if they're a gor girl or boy or whatever their preference is, you your job is to raise a good human.

SPEAKER_03 21:11

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 21:11

So that's my that's my spill.

SPEAKER_03 21:13

Amen. Amen. Um let's talk about the DJing side of DJ Band. Ha ha ha. That's the title. Okay. Emoji. Emoji. Ha ha ha.

SPEAKER_00 21:24

Um how long you been DJing now? I have been DJing full time since 2008 slash 09. Um I left my full time back in 2008.

SPEAKER_03 21:42

Wow. Yeah. To pursue DJing full time.

SPEAKER_00 21:44

You know what, at the time I didn't know what I wanted to do per se. I got interested really in DJing from um working overseas. I was working in the Philippines. Um setting up call centers for uh unmentionable company. But during my time there, um, I spent my off hours in their hip hop clubs. And I mean, in uh it and I was in the Philippines, so most of their clubs were hip hop. Right. And it was so amazing because they were just like rocking 90s hip hop as if it was Yeah, they love that.

SPEAKER_03 22:19

It just happened. Yeah, they love that golden era.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

Yeah, you know, and it's it's like so being a black American in these spaces, I would see the DJs waving at me, you know, because I'm not that tall, but like they were waving at me, and some of them would be like, hey, like come. And so I just started being in the DJ booth, hanging out with them, and just watching. And this is right when Serrado first came out. Yeah, because I didn't even know about Serato. Right. But, you know, and I was like, everything is on your computer? Yeah. So I'm watching this, watching this, watching this. So when I would get back to my room, I would be on the internet, like Googling the equipment and Serrado and learning about that and watching YouTube. And I was like, you know what? I'm tired of traveling. So, you know what? When I get back home, I might make other arrangements. So honestly, I got a severance package and left the company, went and bought full equipment and just stayed in the room practicing. Oh, my goodness. And then I decided I wanted to do it outside the room.

unknown 23:15

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_00 23:16

That sounds weird. Do it outside the room. Okay, no, it's okay.

unknown 23:21

You know what?

SPEAKER_00 23:22

Sometimes you can do it in or out of the room. You're funny. But um, so that's how I got into it. And I think like my first few gigs were weddings. You know. Oh wow, you had weddings like at your first. My actual first gig was a wedding. It was my brother-in-law's cousin. Oh he was like, Oh, yeah, my sister-in-law just started DJing, blah, blah, blah. And I was just like, wow, that's a lot to come out the gate with a wedding.

SPEAKER_03 23:44

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 23:45

But what it taught me was one, you gotta be organized. You know, and you have to be able to, which you I'm sure you already know, you have to be able to almost like be in an environment where it's like production. You know, because weddings, it's just something. It's a schedule, but it's not on time. You know, so you gotta be able to pivot, you know, and all those kind of things. So I thought that was a a good a good beginning. And then from there, I started DJing at some of the go-go spots. Um, I was at the CFE for a while. What? Lord, who starts their life there? I was down, I was down at the martinis in Fort Washington. Wow, it didn't need to be. So I'm like this kind of again, socially awkward. Yeah, you know, but I'm like, okay, what band playing tonight though? You know, we're gonna make this happen. And that was a different experience, you know. Because from you know, the club scene is just so so different. And from there, I was like, you know what? I want to do something in my community. Yeah. You know, I want to start throwing events, you know, for black, gay, women, queer, however you want to, whatever term it is that's today. Whatever term you want to do. The alphabet gang. Right. And I think that's more so how I got into promoting. Yeah. Um, and it's just been, you know, a whirlwind ever since then. I think that I think my heart is definitely in creating safe spaces for us. You know, and then I think as I age out or no longer have as strong a desire to DJ events, I will still be involved in doing the gyms. I love hiring other DJs to have them come and, you know, we work together or just have them do it because I mean, really, that's that's what building community is all about. So that's where I am right now. Like I do, I still do not as many of my own events as I used to as a DJ. I now do them and then have other DJs. Put other DJs in position. Yep, yep, yep, yep.

SPEAKER_03 25:48

Right. And I definitely want to talk more about uh you being in the promoter field. Uh shout out to An Wall. We're here at Movement Studio, shout out to An Wal Kong. And I was just talking to him about how like with both of y'all, y'all in a space that I know I'm not built for, which it comes to throwing, throwing events and for you, uh spaces for lesbian women and and for black lesbian men, like how tough it is to be in that niche, I guess, of the promoter market. Like, how is that for you?

SPEAKER_00 26:25

I think for a while it was it was kind of seamless because the space was so small. Right. You know, one there weren't a lot of female DJs, then there weren't a lot of gay female DJs, you know, so it was such a narrow space. So throwing events, it was like, yeah, so you know, but you know, as times change, COVID came through, and I'm like, where did these little youngins come from? All of a sudden, you know what I'm saying, but it's gross. Yeah, you know, there are a lot of black lesbian DJs in DC, you know, and there are a lot doing, there are a lot of them doing events. Yes, you know, and I'm happy about that because now where you will be like, okay, well, where do I go? It's Tuesday, it's Thursday, it's Wednesday, like what do we do? There are there are options. And I feel like when you if you have a different life, if you know, like just you know, at straight places, you can just go anywhere on any given day. Oh, yeah, yeah. And that's the space, you know. And I I just feel strongly about there needing to be a space where we are amongst each other.

SPEAKER_03 27:33

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

You know, um, I think and I think it's better also for our mental health.

SPEAKER_03 27:38

Yeah, yeah, because like you mentioned COVID, and I think ever since we've been quote unquote let back outside, uh people are still searching for community and just that need, especially in our community, for the diverse amount of events. So we had uh DC Black Pride coming up. So I actually saw a post today on Threads when somebody was mentioning they feel like it's too many options for women coming up. Where I'm I for me, again, you know, I'm not a uh a party promoter and I'm really a party goer. I am gonna try to go outside, you know, this year for Black Pride, you know. But I feel like I'm actually kind of happy to see so many different events and options because it's showing the growth and a much needed growth. Um, I'd like to know your take on things about it.

SPEAKER_00 28:31

Um, I I mean, like I said, I feel like we went from being a dot to a real circle now, you know, and you you got your 20. I mean, I just started drinking age 21 to 25 crew, then you got the 25 to 30, and then you got the 30 and up. You know, so I think from that perspective, especially with a pride with pride, options I think are good. Yeah, you know, and I and I think that, you know, if you're interested in coming out to Pride to participate in the social aspects, DC Black Pride org has that on lock. That's where you go. Yeah. But in terms of the promoters and the different parties, you know, I think it is kind of hard for people to navigate. Well, which party should I go to? You know, some go with names they're familiar with. Right, right, right. Some, you know, they all they've been talking about this on threads since I feel like February. Where are you going? Well, who's going to be on the thread? Oh my gosh, every day. You know, every day. Every day. You know, and I was trying to I was trying to explain to somebody the other day when they were speaking about threads, and they were just like, why does it seem like people are asking the same questions over and over again? And I was trying to break down to them the threads algorithm. Yeah, the algorithm is going to like shove it all. Yeah, once you say something, everybody else talking about that, it's gonna gather. You know, you know what I'm saying? But if you change subjects, your algorithm. And I tried it, like I think I said something about golf one day. I hadn't seen in no harm, no foul, but I hadn't seen white people on my timeline since I had been on threads. You know what I mean? But they all were there. You know what I mean? They it's like they all showed up because I'm talking about golf. I said, okay, well, let me you mean let me change like no commercial. Right. I was like, well, let me change the subject, and you can just see how that shift is. So if one person gets on today, then nobody in their thread threadboard, whatever, is talking about black pride. But once you say it, then they all gather. Yeah, it's like, I don't know. It's almost like roaches and mice.

SPEAKER_03 30:29

Yeah, the algorithm is something I was reading about that that new virus that's going around. I I read one Hanna virus, whatever it's called, where everybody was on a boat. Right, right. I read one post about it, and then automatically my timeline is gonna be five in a row. Like, oh, you're not gonna like scare me.

SPEAKER_00 30:47

Now your time now your timeline is gonna be your timeline is gonna be full of viruses. Cruise too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then because somebody was talking about a carnival cruise. So now you make me read. You definitely have got to be careful in a certain aspect about what you talk about. But it's fun to play around with as well. It is, it's fun, you know. But listen, speaking of pride, I got one thread for you. Yes, yes, back to pride. This this person posted, um, I don't know which pride I should go to. And you could read that as what city? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or the fact that there are two prides, right? For DC. Or most major cities got two. That's true.

SPEAKER_03 31:27

Yeah, yeah, a lot of cities do have black pride.

SPEAKER_00 31:28

Because we had to create spaces that were inclusive for us. So you got June, Pride Month, and then you got Black Pride weekend at various times, depending on the city, right? So when I was asking the person, I said, well, there's black pride, because she's black. And I can't assume that because you're black, you want to do black stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I thought so. I said, so there's black pride, and then there's you know, capital pride. Other pride.

SPEAKER_03 31:54

Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_00 31:55

Well, for us in DC, capital pride, but in the cities is like, right, right. And so one person was like, well, does it matter? And I said, it definitely does. It definitely does if you want to be in an inclusive environment. Because the prides are predominantly white, specifically predominantly white men. So I'm good with standing on Pennsylvania Avenue in the parade and raving, but when where's the nightlife?

unknown 32:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:22

You know what I mean? And that is what doesn't exist until you go to a black pride weekend.

SPEAKER_03 32:27

That is true.

SPEAKER_00 32:28

You know, so it does, it really, it really does matter. And I realized after I then clicked and looked at the person's, you know, profile, I'm like, I'm not gonna have this black discussion with a non-black. Oh. Well, so Kermit exited this discussion is here. You know, it's like Kermit is me. Right. Exiting the conversation.

SPEAKER_03 32:48

Chunk up the deuce. Exactly. Um, this is gonna be your 12th year doing your own events for pride. 12?

SPEAKER_00 32:56

Year 12, yeah. That's crazy. Since 2014. Sheesh. You know, and I I mean, honestly, feeling like an OG in the game, but you know, it's it's to me, it's about consistency, you know, and when you build a brand that people are familiar with, they will come. You know, and then you introduce that to other people and they will come. So, you know, it's been an amazing ride, and we we pretty much are consistent with you know our lineup for the weekend. Um, but this year definitely try to focus on different venues and spaces that we collectively are not in. You know, so we're bringing a lesbian party to 12 stories. You know, first to do it. Here we go. You know what I mean? That's Thursday, May 21st, Shameless Plug. But then we are doing our black we do a black party on Friday, black for black pride, uh when we're using a black venue. So it's about the intent behind that, you know, and again, bringing a black lesbian party to the gathering spot. Oh, wow. So now you're gonna be able to do it. We're not playing. We're not playing. We're not playing. We're not playing. Yeah, so that was that was very important. That black on black on black, yeah, you know. Um, and then we have a day party at Metro Bar, which is a good venue for whatever you're doing in your life. Yeah, definitely. Um, day party vibes, blah, blah, blah. Um, then our Saturday night party will be at Public Bar on Connecticut. Okay. And then we're gonna close it out Sunday at Saatchi.

SPEAKER_01 34:21

All right.

SPEAKER_00 34:21

You know, and people are like, oh, Saatchi is still on. Yeah, Saatchi's alright. We will be in there standing on couches and popping bottles. Oh man. Um, so and then that's about it. That'll be wrapping up the weekend, and then I'm throwing my annual Memorial Day party. Because your birthday college. That will be Monday, May 25th at the rooftop at Cambria Hotel.

SPEAKER_03 34:41

Yeah, yeah. So, um, before because I'm um we're gonna get into Memorial Day as well. I'm gonna spend a little bit more time on because I'm again, I'm not in this nightlife space. Right. So I'm always intrigued and have the questions. So if something as big as pride, like, how long do you start planning for pride season?

SPEAKER_00 35:00

Uh probably by the end of summer for next year. You know, and like, you know, I'm a part of an amazing team. It's uh me and another group together that are doing Unleash DC. And, you know, we just, you know, after Pride is wrapped, we talk about, you know, what went well, um, what where our failures were, yeah, um, any venue issues. And then we start, you know, looking for our spots for the fall for the next year.

SPEAKER_03 35:32

That's good. Yeah. Cause I think like some people as I guess like patrons of events, they feel like, oh, the oh, the promoters don't care. They're just trying to get a dollar, but to hear that y'all actually like meet together and and try to hatch out if anything, if there's any little cracks, falls in the cracks or anything to get them worked out.

SPEAKER_00 35:49

Yeah, it's I mean, it's important. Like, I mean, I wish people would just do a day in the life as a promoter because it it's not like this stuff just happens. You know what I mean? You have to make agreements and contracts for businesses in order for this to occur. I can't just go and be like I'm throwing a party somewhere and it doesn't happen. And especially with our community, especially with women, you know, these spaces are so concerned about what they make at their bars.

SPEAKER_02 36:12

You know what I mean? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:14

And that's a concern because women drink less. You know what I mean? And um, so this negotiating that in spaces that really make more money off of other demographics is really huge. So when I say certain venues like your 12 stories or the gathering spot being private, that we're able to bring experiences there, people don't get it. But they because they don't understand it. But it really is a big deal. I gotta give you a round of applause. You know.

SPEAKER_03 36:43

Thank you. Like, my gosh. Yeah, my goodness. One last question related to like the nightlife field. Okay. Um how do you think lesbian nightlife, especially black lesbian nightlife, had changed so much like over the years? Because I think about one thing for me is uh how we don't see like the dedicated spaces. Because you know, like growing up, we could go like, all right, we're going to Hung Jury this night. We're going to the wet or the edge, we're going to Delta tracks.

SPEAKER_00 37:13

But listen, come on, come on. But them chicken wings and tracks, I could still taste them.

SPEAKER_03 37:18

RIP to the chicken wings and tracks and be able to just run all over both of the places, except for Delta, you couldn't run around. No, that was, oh, you was one way in, one way out. You was stuck there. And then when it's time for the performances, we just standing there. Yes. Waiting for all the performances.

SPEAKER_00 37:33

And listen, if you if you got outside, you wanted to make sure that you had tires.

SPEAKER_03 37:38

Because somebody, if you, if you, you know, somebody's crazy ex always did something and run up in there. Right. Um, so I know that's one thing that happened. Oh, let's not forget about lace. Lace, our uh, you know, beautiful place. I feel like that's probably one of the last of the spaces that that we had. Yeah. It was. And and and why do you think that uh we don't have the dedicated spaces and the ownership?

SPEAKER_00 38:04

I mean, I think our one, I think our struggle is real. I think, you know, minority ownership is an issue. Um I think commercial real estate is an issue. I think liquor licenses is an issue. Um and when you have all that, I'm so amazed at who gets to see the other side of that. You know, we have a spot in Adams Morgan called Mixed. Yes. And it is black woman, black queer owned. Yes. Um, and it's a dope spot. You know what I mean? And there's also um the her diner. Um which is, you know, a diner, but there's you know, there are some spaces, but in terms I think for nightlife, the only thing that comes to mind for me is mix for women, and of course, thirst, you know. And I try to tell people when people are like, oh, it's always just men at thirst and yada yada yada. But I keep saying, I said, listen, for example, if me and Heat got together and opened up a venue, who is gonna be our clientele? Women. Two men got together and opened up a space for us, but the attraction is likeness. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's gonna happen. So, you know, I'm just like I tell the women all the time, go in, go in groves to thirst. Take up space, you know what I'm saying? Stretch out. I think you can check it out, have it before. You know what I mean? So, you know, we gotta we gotta do what we gotta do it because at least we are still all in a safe a safe space, you know. But then, you know, if that's not your thing, you got the promoters that do um many events throughout the course of the month. So there is always something to do. Yeah, okay. You know, I try to make what I can make happen.

SPEAKER_03 39:46

I love it. I love it. Now, we're talking about Memorial Day is coming up.

SPEAKER_00 39:51

Uh-oh, you got Ditto sheets.

SPEAKER_03 39:52

I got print out. I'm old school. I know I'm going to get me a tablet. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 39:57

It's a copier nearby.

SPEAKER_03 39:59

Oh, yeah, so we have a copier. Okay, Xerox machine. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 40:04

You do now gotta get a tablet. Listen, you do, or an iPad or something. I am. I will.

SPEAKER_03 40:10

I'm saying, see, now let me let me drink my joke. It's all good.

SPEAKER_00 40:13

It reminds me of the Ditto sheets and screens. I'm gonna order, like, I'm gonna get better. Nothing like the smell of fresh ink.

SPEAKER_03 40:18

I know. It's like the the sound when it came out. Hello? Like, I like I like hearing the sound of the printer. Yeah. Um, you know, we're both two women in you know our 40s. I think I believe you're you're older than me. You may be. You may be. I know I know we're close in age. We are, we are. I know we're very close in age. And still looking good. Still looking good. Come on now. Drinking that water. Drinking, listen, drink my little water right here. Um one thing, well, a couple of things I've seen you mention about life in the 40s. Um, two posts that stood out to be. Uh, as one where you said, when them 40s hit, you realize I don't give a uh. Used to just be something you say. Now you realize that's the way you live.

SPEAKER_00 41:03

Definitely. Listen, listen, I don't care. I don't want to know. I more so don't want to know. Because knowing kind of pulls you into caring. You know what I'm saying? So if I don't know, I'm totally unbothered.

SPEAKER_02 41:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:19

And I might know, and I'm still unbothered, you know, because you have to realize the older you get, energy wasters, yeah, time wasters, all that type of stuff, we can't get this life back.

SPEAKER_04 41:31

No.

SPEAKER_00 41:31

You know, wanting to be liked, wanting to be known, wanting to be anything other than will wake you up every morning. It it it it just don't work for me. It don't.

SPEAKER_03 41:42

And the other thing you said, uh, I used to think being in your 40s would be about settling down. Turns out it's about starting over, healing, and becoming a new version of you.

SPEAKER_00 41:56

I think so. Because I've noticed that, you know, socially, a lot of people don't start getting into therapy until they're mid to late 30s.

SPEAKER_03 42:05

For me, I started in my 40s.

SPEAKER_00 42:06

You know, so well, I mean, that's that's the that's just the beginning, you know, and up, you know, and you know, not to get too deep in myself, but I personally have been in therapy since I was seven years old. Um, and it has been a large part of my life and my development. And I know when I'm off is when I'm away from it. You know, and it's like, you know, you can't just get in your car every day and don't put gas in the tank and change your oil. Yeah, you know, so if if your mind is that same way, you have got to do things to keep it maintained. Yeah, you know, and you know, therapy may not be for everyone, but some type or form of it is, and now it's available online, you don't have to go, you know, and stop using chat GPT to be a therapist.

SPEAKER_03 42:53

Oh my goodness, that that is scary when I hear people say that because the chat GPT can be manipulated and tell you to do something crazy, which is has been cases of that.

SPEAKER_00 43:02

Because that's what these apps do. I remember the first time I got Waze, and it almost just drove me off the side of the road. Like, where does this road end? You know, that's why I use Google Maps with my Android.

SPEAKER_03 43:13

Okay. Come on, Android. Come on. Well, more about this being uh a new version of you. Do you feel that way? And what uh led you to become a new version of you as you, you know, navigate the 40s.

SPEAKER_00 43:27

I think for anybody who probably interacts with me now, talks to me now, as opposed to interacting and talking to me 10 years ago, they may feel like they are encountering a different person. And I don't care. Because I'm happy to be a different person.

SPEAKER_03 43:46

And you think they're encountering in a in a bad way or a good way?

SPEAKER_00 43:49

Well, i I guess it depends on the person. I think that when someone changes in a way where your toxic behavior is still happening and that and They are repelling that they are going to take you as being negative because the mirror is not on them, it's on you. You know what I mean? But for people who are like, I'm trying, like I'm trying to heal, I'm going through something, they will gravitate towards you because they're open to hearing what you have to say. You know, um, so I think it's just as simple as that. And and I'm okay with that. You know, I think the older I get, I I become a little more antisocial. My friend circle has kind of reduced itself down to a dot. And I'm okay with that. You know, I'm not a clicky, groupy, entourage type person anyway. So it's it's too many people in your business at that point.

SPEAKER_03 44:36

Yeah, that is that that is true. Um and one thing that I did have down in my notes is like I've been noticing a more uh Zen mim. Like I I can see it like just uh from your post, like mentioning like meditation and even like the posts before that you're really like embracing just zen and calm and more peaceful type of life.

SPEAKER_00 45:00

This this listen, this 40s neighborhood, you know, if you are blessed to get there, you know, because a lot of us are not making it. Once you get there, you have got to really absorb what is happening, reflect back on what has happened, and you know, bring peace moving forward for real. You know, so that's what's was you know, that's my biggest thing. Like I I couldn't imagine thinking the way I think now 10 years ago. You know what I mean? And 20 years ago, I was a straight knucklehead. Like, not straight, straight, but straight, right? Yeah, straight. You know what I mean? Like, damn, you like that. Well, you just that, just just unaware. You know what I mean? And so now when I see like, you know, especially in our community, younger people, that I'm just like, baby, it it it can get better. It can be different, but you just gotta choose, you gotta choose differently.

SPEAKER_02 45:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:55

And I think for women, especially, you have got to screen your friends the way that you would try to screen a partner that you want to be in a relationship with. You know, because it's almost like a co- if you have a nine to five, your co-workers become such a big part of your life because you spend so much time with them. Yeah, you know. So if if if outside of your relationship in your family, you're gonna spend a lot of time with your friends, but a lot of people are making bad friend choices. And that is affecting their lives. Yeah, you know, and so you mean you gotta screen these folks. Y'all want to talk about if it's women, talking about oh, how mad men are, but I'm like, but your friend is worse. You know what I'm saying? So make it make sense. If you're about choosing good people, it should be across the board, you know. So that's my thing. And I'm real sketchy about these F's. Truly am. Truly and you have to be. I'm like, I don't know who sent you, what you here for, what you want to know, but yeah, I'm just gonna go ahead and go back home. You're like, nah, take my ball and go home.

SPEAKER_03 46:57

Right. Um moving on. One thing we we've noticed is like mim, mim, and love. She, she be out here with the boom.

SPEAKER_00 47:10

I'm off the streets. She's she's off the streets. Um It was a good run. It was a good run. I'm telling you, it was an amazing run.

SPEAKER_01 47:18

It was a good run.

SPEAKER_00 47:18

It was a it was a good run. It was it for real, for real. It was the like before this relationship, it was the first time in my life that I since a teen, late teen. Yeah. Um, because we ain't talking about junior high school and freaky Friday in elementary school. Oh my gosh. But as an adult, it was my first period of time just solo dolo. You know what I mean? And that was for about three years. And that was coupled with COVID, which was very isolating too. That that, listen, it it was ugly. It was ugly in terms of when you peeling that stuff away from yourself, learning yourself, learning, well, damn, you know, what really do I want? And you're spending so much time with yourself. You know, I honestly could get it's almost like, you know, I want to lose 20 pounds. Give me like three more stomach viruses. I could use one more run of COVID. You know what? Not not the not the virus, but that period of time where it felt like because we like everybody stopped at one time.

SPEAKER_04 48:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:15

You know what I mean? And it really wasn't that bad, but it wasn't that good. No, you know what I mean? Exactly. It's like, you know, somebody scratches your back, it feels good, but if the nails are too sharp, you're like, ow. So, you know, I'm I'm I'm I was feeling like, yeah, I could, I could use one good run of this because this world is nuts, but not to take away from the happiness. Like, but you know, yeah, it's you know, it's good. You know, I'm a proponent of whether you are in a relationship or out of relationship, long as yourself is happy, that's it. And if you find somebody that you can match up with that's supportive, that's your rider, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm amazed.

SPEAKER_03 48:52

Oh, listen, um, did you have any fears getting back into a relationship after like coming out of something else? Oh, yeah. I don't I didn't know how to date.

SPEAKER_00 49:00

Yeah. I can I'm gonna honestly say, we really didn't even date. You know, it's almost like caveman. I hit you with the and now you're mine. No, I'm just saying mine now. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, babe. But uh no, I was, you know, again, that social awkwardness because I was like so in my head, like, okay, well, what do we do? Where do we go? Yeah. And I was just like, you know what, uh, let's go. I think our first date was like to what's what's the place downtown, Artscape. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know, it may be first date for a lot of people. But, you know, my thing was I when I first saw her before we started dating, she had butterfly um tattoos on her back. And something about backs just get me. Like you get a back sexy love, yeah. Literally. But she had these butterflies on her back, and it just so happened the the place was having a butterfly. Their theme was butterflies. So I was like, okay, well, this might be corny, but I'm like, you gotta love butterflies to get them permanently on your skin. So, you know, I took her there when I explained the purpose. She was all starry-eyed. I was like, You did that! Yeah, little corny self. Corny is good, corny is good, you know, and then you know, just I mean, and I think we were very intentional about our conversations. And um, it just, you know, you know, you know how you know how lesbians do. We we you hauled, we shook them with our plants, and we make a family. Oh my god. You know, so you say you you hauled. Yeah, we you haul, and then we shook up the pet. And we make a family. Okay, and that's what happens.

SPEAKER_03 50:36

But basically it's like, listen, I see we we we should like look at them like they like complimenting each other.

SPEAKER_00 50:42

I might dress a little better, you know, you know, pay attention to the little coordination a little bit. Give me a little hope out here and they show my socks match. Listen, socks gotta match.

SPEAKER_03 50:52

You gotta be nice, clean, fresh, make sure there's no lint balls on them. Little something something.

SPEAKER_00 50:56

I like that. I like it. I was like, I had to grow up at some point, yeah. Oh but yeah, it's yeah, she's a good girl. I'm happy for you. Amazing woman. Let me say amazing woman.

unknown 51:06

Come on, give me a man.

SPEAKER_00 51:06

Little Toughkin. Oh, look at you. She's gonna be listening to this and be like, Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, you know, you you meet these women and like she's from Houston, so it's just a whole different experience. Wow, you know, um, and especially that city. Oh my god, going home with her, I'm like, I can imagine.

SPEAKER_03 51:25

So she's saying Houston I thought food.

SPEAKER_00 51:28

That's very big to make it. I'm like, we we fighting on the internet because I think the uh I think a couple of weeks ago I posted about how DC's food is just not like I can't really think about a spot, even right now. You're like, oh, like Mim after this, you want to go eat? I'm like, oh no.

SPEAKER_03 51:44

Right, what do I want? That you want to like that you must have like yo, I am crazy. I don't have that feeling. Like, yeah, and you could go to Houston and you know it's certain places, like I have to go there. Every time I go, I gotta go there.

SPEAKER_00 51:55

Yeah, you know, and I've been lately branching out more so to um Annapolis and Baltimore and finding oh my god, Baltimore's food cities, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 52:04

Baltimore's yeah, yeah. We're gonna start a whole nother debate.

SPEAKER_00 52:09

I know, they're gonna be mad about it. Outside the DMV, but they got good food. They do. So let me say that before they start. We got the food boys, yeah. Yo, ma'am.

SPEAKER_04 52:19

Yes, thank you so much for your time.

SPEAKER_00 52:22

Thank you. This was a pleasure, man. This is this was this was great. This was great. I can't even tell you how nervous I was driving down here. Oh, really? I was talking to my girl from the phone. I was like, she was like, you know what? Yeah, I I understand it. I understand it because you're so used to not really. I mean, it's like when you're DJing, people are focused on you, but not on you. You know what I mean? And like that, that sitting down in 101 where that where there's this type of thing going on, you know, still give me a little rattle because I I I know you have a story.

SPEAKER_03 52:55

Yeah, I I know that it needs to be told, and most important and most importantly, it needs to be heard by everyone so you can continue to inspire. Like, because I learned so much as well. I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_00 53:07

I mean, the comfort is there because we know each other in real life, so it's like, yeah, but this is this has been made, this has been amazing, like for real. Like, it's been like just sitting at home catching up with a good girlfriend, you know what I mean? Girlfriend. Once again, shout out to movement, man. Yeah, shout out and walk and walk on and walk on.

SPEAKER_03 53:24

This is like the old elite DC radio days up in here.

SPEAKER_00 53:27

Back in effect, man.

SPEAKER_03 53:29

Back in effect, man. Thank you once again. Thank you to everyone listening. This has been We All Have Journeys with DJ Heat. Till next time.