Episode 04: Choosing Yourself

Choosing Yourself

What does it really mean to choose yourself—and why can it feel so uncomfortable when you do?

In this episode, we explore the quiet tension between who we’ve been expected to be and who we’re becoming. Choosing yourself isn’t always loud or obvious. Sometimes it looks like setting a boundary no one else understands, outgrowing roles that once felt safe, or finally listening to the voice you’ve been ignoring.

This isn’t about perfection or having it all figured out. It’s about honesty, responsibility, and the willingness to stand in your own life—even when it changes things.

If you’ve been feeling the pull to choose differently, this is a space to sit with that.

You don’t have to rush the decision.
 But you do have to hear yourself.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to another episode of Where I Meet You. I'm your host, Stephanie. And today I wanted to talk a little bit about choosing yourself. And I feel like this is a topic that for me personally has come up a lot over the last few years. But I would say, especially in the last like six months, um, it has really been in like the forefront of my mind of actually choosing myself and putting myself first. And I feel like there's a lot of negative connotations that come along with that because I feel like when people hear the phrase, you know, choose yourself, they think that means you have to be selfish or that it's a selfish thing to do. And a and I guess in a lot of ways, it can feel that way that you're being selfish with your time. And it's not because it's being a negative thing, or that you're trying to be n in a negative way about it, but you do need to learn how to be selfish with your time so you aren't always overextending yourself. I think as women, especially, um, and then as we grow through the different phases of, you know, becoming mothers or wives or even just, you know, the oldest sibling, I think for a lot of us it's ingrained in us that everybody's needs come before our own. And so I know personally, I was raised in an environment where we always make sure our people are taken care of, whether that's our friends, our family members, so what? Your children, so on and so forth, that, you know, it seems like you always put yourself second, or third or fourth, or you know, you always just come last. And for a long time I just I was okay with that. I was like, you know, now's not my time. It's, you know, time for me to help this friend through this or this boyfriend through this situation, or it's funny because I never thought that like something was missing because I was always happy being there for everybody else and helping people through their tough times and this, that, and the other. And then not to say that nobody ever showed up for me during my tough times, but it just wasn't always necessarily in the same sense. And I know there was also times in my life when I didn't really allow people to show up for me, or I didn't feel like I needed people to show up for me because I was good. I just always handled it on my own and I always had a smile on my face, and um I feel like as I got older it became more difficult for me to choose myself. That I always felt like I had to put everybody's needs before my own, and I didn't know how or that I was allowed to. I think that is I think that's that was a big thing for me, is that I didn't think I was allowed to put myself first. And I had friends growing up that I was so jealous that, again, that negative connotation because I looked at their behaviors and this, that, and the other, and a lot of times I thought they were selfish, selfish in their behaviors because they always just did what they wanted, and they didn't really I don't I hate to say they didn't worry about other people's feelings, but it was more or less they didn't let other people's feelings impact their decisions. They did what they wanted because that's what they wanted to do with their life, and it became very apparent to me a couple years ago when I was working on making some really big life decisions, and I just felt so stuck. And I remember having a conversation with somebody who I look as being like another mom in my life, and I was like, it totally dawned on me the other day that I don't know how to make these decisions for myself because the major decisions I've made all throughout my life have always revolved around somebody else, somebody else's situation. You know, I chose the college that I went to because my mom was sick and I didn't want to be away from her. And it's like, and I chose certain career paths because it was easy, or I had to put certain things on hold because I was helping Matt, who was my boyfriend at the time, focus on his healing journey and or his business. And I was like, it's okay, my time will come, my time will come, my time will come. So then when it started to be my time to choose what I wanted to do, because I at this point, for the first time ever, at 31 years old, I didn't have to make a decision about anybody else but myself, and I had no fucking clue how to do it. I had no fucking clue how to do it. I didn't know what I wanted, and I kept sitting there like being like, why is this so hard? And it was like because there wasn't this big thing flashing in my face, being like, Steph, you can't make that decision because this is this is what you need to do, because somebody else needs your time and energy first before you can have it. And I go back to a quote I feel like I'm all over the place on this. Um And there's a lot of things that led me down that path that maybe I'll talk more about in another episode because really right now I just I just want to focus on the importance of learning how to choose yourself. I feel like and I don't know if men can relate to this because so many men feel like they have to be the providers, or that's what's ingrained in them is that they have to be the provider, so they have to put their families first and the scent and the other. But it is so important to learn how to choose yourself so that you can take care of yourself. I mean when you talk about like even just self-care, making the time for yourself every day to like maybe have a half hour to an hour of just like you time, whether that's sitting down and reading a book or taking a nice long bath or going for a walk or you know, practicing your golf swing or going to the batting cages, like whatever it is that allows you that time to like reset and connect to yourself. We get so far away from ours, and I shouldn't say that everybody does, but so many of us, and maybe it's just at different times in our lives that we find ourselves moving farther away from ourselves, but it's a muscle. You know, it's like when you sit there and watch these, you know, incredible athletes do this like trick shot, and it's like, well, he's probably practiced that shot five thousand times before he ever got it the first time. So it's like it's a muscle, and you have to build that muscle memory to always be like, okay, how am I gonna choose myself in this situation? You know, and choosing yourself looks like so many different things. It's your health, it's your mental well-being, it's your emotional well-being, it's your finances, it's focusing on your goals and your dreams, you know. If if your goal is to, you know, save money to buy up to purchase your first brand new car, and you have friends that want to go out to the club and drink and party every night and spend all of this money on outrageous things, like and you're choosing that over prioritizing your finances and your savings, like that's not choosing yourself. That's not being in alignment with the things that are gonna make you priority number one, you know. And honestly, as I've gotten older and over the last few years, when I've learned to like prioritize my energy and my time, it allows me to show up better for my people because I am not constantly running on 3% or 6% or 20%. Like maybe my battery's on 80% more often than not now because I have learned to give that time to myself. And this isn't easy. Like, I mean, I feel like for some people it does just come natural, and I think that depends on how you grow up. So my boyfriend, for instance, is an only child, and this isn't to um pick on people who are only child children, but I most of my life I grew up with an older brother, and then I also now have five steps who I am blessed to have. So I'm I consider myself one of seven. So very much not an only child. But like Robert is really good at putting himself first and doing the things that he wants to do because he is kind of like a lone wolf in that sense that it's like he wants to do something, he goes and does it. Where like I I've always had to like weigh so many other options, or I have to like think through things so many more times because it's like I'm always used to having to worry about other people's feelings, or as like this something that's gonna make everybody happy, or is somebody gonna be upset with this decision, or whatnot, and it creates I feel like it creates a lot of noise for people. And it leads you down a road of burnout, which, you know, I think as wives and moms and maybe the caretakers of the family, because a lot of times that falls on, you know, like the oldest siblings. Whether it's taking care of your siblings or if a parent is sick, there's a lot that gets wrapped up in all of that. And so it can be hard to prioritize yourself, but it's so, so important. And something that I wish people and I don't know if people are instilling this in their children, because I hope, I hope they are. There's so much life to live when you get to choose yourself. When you don't live with the fear of everybody else's opinions or the weight of their decisions, or you just allow yourself to move through life freely. You know, I feel like the more you choose yourself, the more you trust yourself, the so the more you know you are making the right decisions. And even if you are unsure if you are making the right decision, you have created that trust within yourself to know that no matter how this plays out, you trust in your ability to shift gears. If you're like, damn, this really isn't the playing out the way I wanted it to, or thought it was going to, so now let's see if we move in this direction a little bit, how that's gonna change, or if we stay the course, like maybe it is gonna pan out. There's the one part about not choosing yourself that I don't think a lot of people realize is resentment. And it doesn't necessarily show up the first, second, third, or maybe the 50th time you haven't chosen yourself. But over time, it's like a slow fire that builds. Like slowly it starts to burn, and the kindling is finally caught on fire, and the embers are starting to, you know, ignite, and then it's like over this time you just get this burning resentment inside of you, but in reality, you have nobody to blame but yourself for it. You're resenting other people because you go above and beyond for them, but you don't go above and beyond for yourself. And the abandonment, the ab self-abandonment is such a hard pill to swallow. Kind of like when you swallow an ice cube and it just like burns down your throat as you're hoping it melts. Like that is what resentment and self-abandonment feel like. Like they're suffocating. And not everybody is gonna show up for you in the same way that you show up for them, and that's something that you have to realize. But if you are constantly choosing to overextend yourself for everybody else, that's a choice. And if you are not changing it, you are choosing it, and that too is a hard lesson to learn. When I was in the process of trying to name my podcast, I was having a lot of chats with uh ChatGPT because I just needed I hate to say like advice, but it was like I needed somebody who was gonna brainstorm with me that like I don't know. We could just go back and forth on some things. So as I was saying, I had a bunch of chats with ChatGPT because I felt like I, in the fall of 2025, was really starting to hit a crossroads. And I'm sure a lot of people were feeling this way because I think so many people had an idea of how 2025 was supposed to look. And it was like the complete fucking opposite. Like once everybody started realizing it was the year of the snake and it was all full of shedding and this, that, and the other. And then it was like, you know, you started hearing about 2026 was gonna be the year of the horse. So it was like, oh my god, you gotta or the year of the fire horse, excuse me, that you really need to have a plan and you need to be able to to to know where you're going because if you don't get in there with the momentum, like you're gonna be lost. And so my boyfriend and I went on the trip to the mountains and I started asking Chat GPT about like, like when you hit a crossroads in life and you're like not quite sure which direction you want to head in. Should I stay on this path? Is there a new path I need to be on? Not only did I feel like I was at a crossroads, but I kind of felt like I was at a breaking point. And maybe it was more so a breaking point than a crossroads, because that was kind of like what I was trying to express in the name of the podcast. So one of the things that I said to Chat GPT is I feel like I'm standing at a huge crossroads in life where I need to choose myself. So Chat GPT said that's such an honest and powerful realization, Stephanie. Reaching that kind of crossroads where you feel the pull to finally choose yourself is sacred ground. It usually comes after a long season of giving, enduring, or surviving. It's the moment when your soul whispers, it's time to come home. Choosing yourself doesn't mean abandoning others or becoming selfish. It means recognizing that your well-being, your peace, your joy, and your authenticity are not optional. It means saying, I deserve to belong to my own life. And then it went on to talk about some things that unfold while being in this space and going through this. It asked me if I wanted a personal manifesto. And if you're not sure what a personal manifesto is, ChatGPT said, a personal manifesto is like a sacred promise, a declaration to yourself about the kind of life you're ready to live from here on. It doesn't have to sound perfect, it just has to sound true. So then they wrote one for me, and I want to share it with you because I had kind of forgotten about it, and a couple weeks ago I like was looking for other information in this conversation, and I came back to this. So this is my personal manifesto, which is called choosing myself. I am standing at the crossroads, the place where endings and beginnings breathe the same air. Here, I no longer chase what breaks me just to prove I can hold it together. Here, I stop apologizing for the ways I've outgrown my own silence. I choose myself. Not because I've stopped loving others because I but because I'm finally learning to love me too. I choose peace over proving, rest over running, truth over pretending. I choose to listen to the voice within me, the one that's been whispering beneath the noise, saying You are allowed to want more. I honor the woman I've been, the one who survived, endured, held so much, and I release her with gratitude, because now it's time to become the woman who thrives. I give myself permission to be both soft and strong, to rebuild from the pieces, to rise without fear of my own light. I trust that what's meant for me will meet me in this honesty, that choosing myself will never cost me what's real, only what was built on my self abandonment. From this moment forward, I belong to my own life, and this is where my becoming begins. And that's where I will leave you. Some food for thought. And until next time, this is where I meet you.