Weight Loss & Self-Worth

Andrea Wormley and co-hosts Kelli Moorer and Melissa Benson discuss weight loss and self-image, sharing personal experiences with weight gain, body changes, and public commentary. Andrea describes post-pregnancy weight gain that peaked at 210 pounds, leading her to choose weight loss surgery in 2017 after years of dieting and exercise struggles, and explains how fatigue, pain, and low self-image affected her life. Melissa reflects on being naturally small, then experiencing body shifts after kids and leaving the military, focusing on finding a happy medium for herself. Kelli shares gaining 80 pounds due to autoimmune issues, prednisone, stress, and quitting smoking, and describes her own weight loss surgery. They explore how GLP medications impact society’s views, emphasize health and mobility over size, address cultural relationships with food and judgment at the table, and recommend affirmations, support, sleep, hydration, positivity, and patience.

00:00 Welcome And Topic

01:12 Andrea Weight Struggle

03:03 Scale Breaking Point

03:43 Choosing Surgery

05:58 Body Image Questions

07:17 Melissa Body Changes

10:40 Kelli Weight Gain Story

14:24 GLP Meds Society Shift

17:13 Judgment And Health Benefits

23:18 Food Culture And Coping

28:05 Table Talk And Boundaries

30:38 Love Feeding And Comfort

32:25 Handling Naysayers

33:22 Accountability Switch

35:21 Health Versus Size

36:56 Worth Beyond Weight

38:20 Mirror Affirmations

42:18 Motivation For Movement

44:39 Mobility Wake Up Call

46:47 Science Of Affirmations

50:51 Practical Wellness Pillars

56:06 Wrap Up And Connect

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

At this point, I'm all I'm really at my wits' end. And then I step on the scale this particular morning. Um, and you know what we do, we take everything off. Go use the bathroom. Oh that right there, it avoided. In that particular morning, I was 210 pounds, and I just cried as on the scale and just boo-ho, you know. Um, and I was done. And me, when I say the only regret was I didn't do it before that.

SPEAKER_02 0:36

Before that time, but that's me. For me. I have always, always been tiny. So tiny that I people, my family would make fun of me because I had such this little tiny body, and but I always had a big hand.

SPEAKER_04 0:56

Well, it's in your hand, Doctor. But it's okay. So in that year, I gained 80 pounds. So I have gained, I went from 145, 150, to 220 pounds. And I didn't recognize that person.

SPEAKER_02 1:13

Do you realize that it will be, you will take, you have to continue taking those things for the rest of your life? I'll never forget what she said to me. I will, but it'll take me off of my diabetes medication, my high blood pressure medication, and I just boom, light bulb.

SPEAKER_03 1:34

We go out to eat, and now I can't eat as much. I feel bad. I feel like that's all I can eat. You know, literally felt sad because I couldn't eat it. Food was a comfort.

SPEAKER_04 1:45

Food was my escape. Um, food was it settled my fears, my concerns, my hurt, um, the slow battle that I was going through.

SPEAKER_02 1:58

It is it has nothing to do with your self-worth and your value and who you are. We are all made in the image, and we are kings and queens that walk this earth. So it doesn't matter what size I'm in, what I'm wearing, it doesn't matter. I know who I am and I know my worth.

SPEAKER_04 2:17

I dropped something. I gotta figure out strategically how I'm gonna pick that thing up.

SPEAKER_03 2:23

I was like him. Did he just pick that up? Thank you for joining us today, always following us. Uh, we are her presence. I am Andrea Warmley, uh, and I am here with my co-host. We have Kelly Moore and we have Melissa Vinson. Thank you so much for uh coming. Make sure that you share, make sure you like, make sure that you subscribe. We are on YouTube, Spotify, Apple, iHeart, all the major platforms, uh, uh podcasts, platforms. Um, so make sure that you go in and subscribe. So today we are going to talk about weight loss and self-image, really. Um, so I have a personal story that I'm going to share. And you know, I'm I'm doing this because I gotta make sure I'm not sweating. Because I'm about to tell you something, but some of my friends don't know this.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

Go ahead, go ahead. I'm 52.

SPEAKER_03 3:54

So sometimes heath lashes, but I don't think there's a heap.

SPEAKER_04 3:57

No, today, not today.

SPEAKER_03 4:00

So in um, so after having my last child, I okay, so up through getting married and having my first child, I really didn't have a weight problem. Um I feel like I was always, I'm 5'4 and I was always in between 140, 150. Um, and and it in in my eyes, I looked good and I was athletic and all this kind of stuff. Um, and so then after having my last child, mind you, I couldn't stop eating with my last child. Uh, I just knew he was gonna be uh big, but he came out at a normal weight. So the rest was me. And I couldn't get that off. Um, I exercised, I went to a nutritionist. Um, I probably could write a book on uh how to lose weight and calorie counting and all this kind of stuff. Y'all know what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_07 5:06

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:06

Um, but I couldn't get it off. I would still get on the scale, and it would either be, I mean, I've exercised for the last three weeks, and I'm still the same weight. Something's wrong. You know, I don't get it. I'm count calorie counting, and I would go to my nutritionist and she's like, You're doing something, something's wrong. You're you're not doing something right. You're making you're bringing in more calories and all this kind of stuff. My and maybe your metabolism, I think I was told that my metabolism was slow, and I don't know, all this stuff, which is hard to believe. But you know, I'm not the professional, but hard to believe because my muscle, I have like at least 60%. I don't understand. Something's definitely wrong. Um, so this was in 2015, 16. At this point, I'm all I'm really at my wit's end. And then I step on the scale this particular morning. Um, and you know what we do, we take everything off. Go use the bathroom. Have to get all that right there. It appointed. This is just me. Let's see what's going on. And the scale had been creeping up, creeping up, and that particular morning I was 210 pounds, and I just cried as on the scale, and just boo-hooing, you know. Um and I was done. Uh, so at that point, I decided to have weight loss surgery. So fast forward January 2020, uh, 2017, I had weight loss surgery. Um, and for me, that was the best thing that could happen. And that was for me. It wasn't for anybody else, it wasn't um because I saw certain images on on the TV, you know, it was for me. I felt uncomfortable. Y'all, I would go to the grocery store and would be in there for 10 minutes and I was over it. I needed to go home. I would go and get my I get the work all day, go get the kids. It was good to even get them fed and get homework done. I was exhausted. Exhausted. I had no energy. I was I when I would get up in the morning, what is it called? Flash, flash yeah? What when you when you walk your I forget what it's called, y'all know what I'm talking about, probably. But just my feet would hurt. The uh just just my shoulder just weight on my frame, that weight on my frame was just not good, and I could not get it off. Um mentally, I was going through some stuff. It was just hard to cope. I did not like what I saw when I looked in the mirror. Um and my kids just didn't have a mom that had a lot of energy. Um so I decided to do weight loss surgery. I had uh I actually had uh uh researched for a couple of years, talked to friends who had who had it done, um, and did it. And man, when I say the only regret was I ain't do it before that, before that time. But that's me. I would have to say, I wouldn't tell somebody else to do it. I would just say for me, that was the best thing. Um and so before I go into a question that's gonna that I'm gonna uh go into from that, I'm gonna ask this question here, and then I'll just let you guys take over from that. What emotions come up when you think about your weight or your body image? And then how has your relationship with your body changed over time? Any one of y'all, you can take over. It's like you go, you go, I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 9:20

I'm sorry, I thought that was for the audience. Okay, ask that question one more time. One more game. I'm sorry, y'all. I thought that was for the lawn again. She said, Survey. I thought the survey was for us. I don't know. Let me pay attention a little bit more.

SPEAKER_03 9:40

How has your relationship or has your relationship changed? Uh over time. Has it changed?

SPEAKER_02 9:50

You think it has? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:52

Yes. Yeah, yeah. And and how has it? And I because we were talking about some stuff before the uh the camera started. So how has that changed? What what it what is it elaborate on that?

SPEAKER_02 10:04

For me, I have always, always been tiny. So tiny that uh people, my family would make fun of me because I had such this little tiny body, and but I always had a big hand. Well it's in the hand, Doctor. But it's okay. And so then the military didn't help because it kind of buffed me up, honed me up, got me really fit. And so, but I've always had a smaller frame. Um, I I even remember as a little girl, my cousins were always shapely, always shapely. And I was always straight up and down. And I would I was like, why do they have everything? And I'm just straight up and down, and not knowing they're looking at me saying, we wish we were straight up and down, tiny. As I've gotten older, I even have family members say, You show Lauren Anderson now. We know because my body has now shifted. Once I have my kids, once I retire from the military, my body has now changed. And with those changes comes emotions. Emotions of, I want to get back to the, I don't want to be the size I was when I was, let me say that. I don't want to be skinny. You don't want to be high school skinny? No. Okay. Nor do I want to be pre-children skinny. Okay. I don't. But when I look at myself now and the things that I used to be able to do, run two, three miles, do push-ups and sit-ups and all those things, I can't do that right now. It would take, it's a struggle. So I think there is a happy medium for me of where I want to be in my weight loss journey. And I love what you said. It's not for anybody else. I, when I want to lose weight or do whatever, I'm not doing it to gain the attention of others, to get the approval of anybody else. It's about what makes me happy. When I look in the mirror, what do I want to see? When I put on my clothes, how do I want them to fit? So that's what it's about. And I you get to a point in your life when that's the most important thing is how I feel.

SPEAKER_03 12:41

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 12:41

And what makes me feel good. So, but when you say, what are the emotions that come with weight loss and weight gain and all of that? Take your pick. There's all types of emotions that come with it. And then understanding that a lot of it is hormonal. So there's nothing you can do about it, it's just a change of life that happens. Oh no. Okay, okay, I thought this.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

All right, that's it. That's me. That's me. I know it's true.

SPEAKER_03 13:15

What about you, Kelly? What emotions uh come up when you think about weight loss? And and actually, has your relationship with your body image has that changed over time?

SPEAKER_04 13:28

So um, very similar to what you said. Um, so I'm 5'10, so I'm tall. Um I did not have a weight issue. Um, I played sports, you know, my favorite sport is volleyball, um, indoor and outdoor volleyball. So I was always athletic. Joined the military too. Um got more muscular but feminine, and um still carried on that same weight. Um my weight gain came when a couple things had had occurred. I had surgery, um, I have an autoimmune deficiency, so that's some medication that um causes weight gain. Um I ended a I was engaged and that had to end. And I was a smoker. I smoked, I learned how to smoke in the military. And um caught the flu and couldn't talk, couldn't do anything, and couldn't smoke and said it's day one, day two, day three. So in that year, I gained 80 pounds. So I have gained, I went from 145, 150, to 220 pounds. And I didn't recognize that person. I didn't know who that person was. Um and so my self-image was about my size and being able to put on anything in the size that I was in and be okay. And now I'm looking at myself and I don't even know who that person is. And it hurt. You're talking about then. Then it hurt, it hurt, and then went on. Um, I said, okay, I can't do this. And so I will share. I also had um weight loss surgery as well. Um wasn't necessarily the typical candidate, um, but the doctor was really, you know, watching the weight loss, and we did really well. And then I had what's called urticaria. And that came back with swelling. And and um one of the medications that I I had to use was prednisone. And so that shot me right back up. And so once again, now it's the yo-yo. So um I hate to say it, but when you have not had a weight issue, and then circumstances you know, come your way. Um it it can it can change how you see yourself. Whether you want to admit it or not. Oh yeah, you know, um, but I didn't like what I was seeing in the mirror. And I'm not a vain person, but I'm just not used to this type of body and all the new things, the nuances that come with it, um, as well, too.

SPEAKER_03 16:47

Wow. Um, so so this day in time, and I and I think you have something you wanted to talk about concerning that. I mean, yeah, we almost got a magic peel now. Yeah, a magic shot peel, whatever. But um, so I I think you had a question about uh uh that I I think you did.

SPEAKER_02 17:11

Well, so in the era of all the GLPs, the and there's so many, I'm not gonna say the various types, because there's many, many of them, and many, whether it be pill form, whether it be injections, whatever people are taking, society now has changed. Because if we looked at the statistics are surrounding how many people are on some type of GLP, taking some form, that number is astronomical and it continues to increase. Right. So um, how do you feel that those medications and those things have impacted our societal view of weight loss?

SPEAKER_03 18:04

I feel like it's societ well, I feel like it makes people feel like it's more attainable now. Um and it's easier to get now. But it's still controversial. Um we were little, you know, I can only speak from a f from a girl's point of view. When you did look at TV and magazines and whatever, you had an image of what a woman was supposed to look like. Um and you have and it probably felt like you were failing in that because honestly, for the most part, they probably didn't look like me. Um, and so you probably felt like you were so you were constantly trying to uh adjust your image, your perception of how you look personally. You were always trying to adjust your image, and you may have felt like it was not obtainable and you were always failing, right? And so now, fast forward to now, we have all of these tools that you could use and it's more obtainable. And some people are like, I'm gonna do it. Some people have permission from their doctor or gave their own self permission or whatever. And I think that that has changed. Where people have um people may feel like, you know, if I heard pe I've heard people say, Well, you know, I just I'm gonna do it the the right way, I'm gonna do it the the natural way, you know, just go out and work out and you know, whatever. Um, I'm not gonna do it that way, you know. And they talk down on people who are are taking these, what do they call? GLPs. Those GLPs. Or even or even having weight loss surgery. Yeah, you know, right. Um I feel like that is how it's kind of shifted, and you see more people having. So you talked about, Kelly, you talked about how uh you know how it feels when you're heavier and what people have to say about that, and how they talk down on you and and dismiss you, and uh, you know, everybody got something to say. But even when you lose the weight. Oh yeah. Somebody got something to say. Something, somebody you're too skinny.

SPEAKER_01 20:29

You know, when you get to sleep, right? Don't lose no more weight.

SPEAKER_03 20:32

Don't lose no more weight. You look like are you sick? Is some okay with you? Are you okay? You know, so you had weight loss surgery, or you or some people don't even tell you that they had that because they don't want to hear it, right? Um, or you're doing this a shot, really, you know, it so I feel like that's how it's changed. That's to me, that's how it's changed.

SPEAKER_02 20:57

That people see it as a uh quick get skinny, quick solution.

SPEAKER_03 21:03

And they don't understand how you got to that point. There was a life that happened, there was a thing that happened, there was an emotional situation that happened that probably was years before getting to the point where you made a decision to do that. Right? Now, for some people, maybe not. But even with the shot, going to talk to your doctor about, well, uh, does this work for me? And you know, and and what if I and what does this mean? You know, I'm gonna have to maintain this for the rest of my life, or what is you know, what does maintenance look like? That's a whole situation that is happening, and it's not a quick, uh, get quick, a get skinny quick. It was more than that, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:49

Yeah, yeah. Um GLP, GLPs. You know, I um I'm kind of boiling a little bit inside because it's all about. About people's opinion about other people. You know, um you lost too much weight or you're too heavy. The GLPs are giving people a second opportunity in life sometimes. Um if they've always been heavy all their life and their numbers have been up, their health has been um a big play on that one. This is giving them the opportunity to let's get it handled, let's get it started now.

SPEAKER_00 22:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:33

Working out alone, it takes months. We've been doing this journey for four years at a gym. Um okay. Um, but whatever that person needs, and if it's the GLPs and they're under doctor's care, let them live their life and let them do what's best for them.

SPEAKER_02 22:56

It's funny you say that. I was just talking to my girlfriend and she is on the journey of getting ready to and and and know this, it's not if you're doing it the right way, I mean, because there are so many easily accessible ways to get it.

SPEAKER_04 23:14

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:14

But if you're doing, and I'm not, and I shouldn't even say the right way, if you're doing it where you are consulting and meeting with your provider, they're giving you the mental health, you're getting the nutrition counseling, they're doing whole what I call holistic care. And then they're putting you in the course or the journey for you to be able to take those medications for weight loss. So she's on the journey. Right. And one of the questions I said to her, I said, Do you realize that it will be you will take you have to continue taking those things for the rest of your life? I'll never forget what she said to me. I will, but it'll take me off of my diabetes medication, my high blood pressure medication, and I just boom, light bulb. I was like, you're right. It would.

SPEAKER_03 24:10

And all the other things that I would have been on if I continued. Yes. I and I was like, bingo.

SPEAKER_02 24:16

I was like, you're right, yes. So it's not a it's not a get skinny quick. No, it's a process, it's a journey. And and then when you think about the weight loss, it is even a process of where you still have to go work out because as my trainer always says, you don't want to be, how does he say skinny fat? Meaning you're skinny, but you got all this stuff shaking and jiggling and all of that. So you're not toned. Yeah. So it still is a it's still a process.

SPEAKER_01 24:54

It's still a journey, it's still a work, it's a wonderful tool to get started on the next journey.

SPEAKER_04 25:02

It's not magic. It's not just I'm taking this and that's it. Like you just said, it gets you to the next journey. Now you have the now, you have the energy, yes, and now you're seeing some results. And now I want to keep this journey going. Yes. Because I know if I don't, I know what it looks like.

SPEAKER_02 25:19

Yeah. And I have another friend, he's a male, and he is on the journey. When I tell you his self-esteem is still the mind.

SPEAKER_04 25:27

Come on now.

SPEAKER_02 25:27

And self-esteem is mental health. Um he's sending us pictures, and we like, okay, thank you. Thank you. Yeah, but it it just changes how the person feels about themselves. Exactly. And I know he struggled with weight loss since we were teenagers. Yeah. So to see him on a journey where he's been up and down, up and down, up and down to see him not plateau, but be in a space where he is happy. Right. Right. It's a game changer. Yeah. And we're not endorsing any particular ones. No, and all.

SPEAKER_03 26:02

We're just talking about weight loss. Right. But I am endorsing eating. Okay, so let's talk about Flan.

SPEAKER_04 26:08

She said eating.

SPEAKER_03 26:09

Because that's I think mentally that was my issue. Right. So also, I would have to say mentally the mental issue uh with losing weight was also the fact that I had to back up from the table. Um so in my culture, we go to the table when somebody comes, when somebody in town, we go to the table Sunday. On Sunday, you know, we got to celebrate somebody. Well, what we gonna eat? We go, who gonna cook? What's the menu? You know, I remember when I first started to go to a therapist um about my weight, and one of the questions she asked was, um, so do you find yourself eating when you're sad and and you know things are not going well? Yeah. Also, as well. And when I'm happy, when I'm you know, we eat all the time in my culture, you know. It's like, what happened to you? Girl, let me tell you what happened. Okay, let's meet at such and such restaurant, okay, you know, but then also the happy times. We that's what we do, right?

SPEAKER_04 27:31

Food brings people together. We bring food, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:35

We're gonna bring food and bait, make sure you bring that pancake and make sure. Whatever. You know, um that's what we do. And so when you are trying to lose weight, listen, whether it be the natural way, whether it be you're using some other type of tool to help you, there is still a time you you stop eating. You have to push, or as much, I should say. So even with with weight loss surgery, you stop, and there's still this thing where you feel like you should still be eating, be in my culture. And where if that's been your culture even at your house, just your you and yourself's culture. Um, you have to, and and I, and so whether you do it the natural way, as people say, or or you have tools or whatever, there's still something that happens because there's this space where you come together and you still eat with your people, right? And so there's this thing that happens there. So somebody may look and say, So that's all you're gonna eat. Now I got to explain myself, right? Even if I'm trying to lose weight the natural way, I still gotta explain myself, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm trying to, you know, I'm trying to lose weight or whatever. Um, and it's hard, if you don't have the words to say, it's hard to articulate that, right? Um so I think that that's something also, I don't know if you guys have comments on that, where you've and and then when when you do eat back beforehand, when I did eat the chocolate cake, and I knew it was way over the calories, now I'm feeling bad the rest of the day. So there's this well-being that is like canceled, I would have to say, because of that. When I when I'm sitting on the couch and I'm like, that pasta's in there. I'm gonna have some, you know? And then, but you telling yourself I shouldn't, I shouldn't, I shouldn't, and you go do it anyway. And then you're like, or at the end of the night, when all the kids go to bed, and it's just you, and now you watching a movie and you need a snack, and then you wake up the next morning, you're like, Did I eat all that?

SPEAKER_02 30:00

You know too easy to eat it all.

SPEAKER_03 30:02

Yeah, you know, you have something going on, there's something going on, there's a behavioral thing that's happening, right? Obviously. But now you have an issue, you have a you're you're coping with why do I keep doing these things, right? Um, I will say that once I had weight loss surgery and I couldn't do it, right? There was still a mental thing that was happening because my husband and I, we would go out to eat on every Thursday, because we were so busy. So on Thursday, that was our date night. And every Thursday we would go out to eat. We go out to eat, and now I can't eat as much. I felt bad. I feel like that's all I can eat. You know, literally felt sad because I couldn't eat it. There's this thing, this relationship with food that I feel like we should talk about, also. Yeah. I don't know if there are is there any comments on that?

SPEAKER_02 30:53

So as you're talking, I'm I'm remembering because you're talking about culturally and and how so it takes me back to how I grew up and even how I raised my kids, right? Um after dinner, there's dessert. I mean, it's just that's just the way it is, it's gonna always be something there. And there's a part of me that wished I would have done that a little different. Because you, it is not a requirement. If you have dinner, you have to have dessert. It's not a requirement. But we grew up with that mindset that it was. And when you're so that's one thing. The other thing is I have friends who who whatever stage they're in or whatever journey journey they're in, or whatever. When you talk about the story of how we view food, there's many things going on. It's the people who are not eating because of whatever reason, and then you have the people who want to really eat and and indulge. So I feel like there is some judgment all over the world. You think about all the colours, right?

SPEAKER_01 32:03

What's wrong with y'all that y'all not eat anything?

SPEAKER_04 32:05

Right.

SPEAKER_01 32:06

And don't look at it because I'm gonna eat it all, you know. And then you say you want to lose weight. You need to lose a lot of it.

SPEAKER_02 32:18

It's it's just it's just where we are. And you have to get into a place where what makes you whole. And I'm not gonna say happy because I believe happiness is a state, right? But contentment where you feel I am content. If I want to eat this whole thing is my prerogative. If you don't want to eat but a bite of it, your prerogative. Period. And the judging that goes on at the table has to stop.

SPEAKER_01 32:58

It has to stop. At least judge. At least just mute it. You put a mute on it.

SPEAKER_02 33:05

Yeah, it's like, come on. I mean, I know if I eat that whole piece, uh okay, there's some consequences. There's consequences if you only eat a bite. There's consequences on both sides. So we just have to, yeah. Don't be looking over here. You do you, I do me, and let's be happy.

SPEAKER_04 33:25

Yeah. I I think, you know, in our group, um, we show love by feeding. Yeah. You know, I go to my mom, mom, my mom and dad's house, and you know, after the greetings and the hugs and the kisses, what you want to eat? You know, and I'm like, I'm not even hungry, you know. But that was mom's way of, you know, expressing her love and her gratitude for her family and her children, she would say. And so she would feed us, you know, whether you were hungry or not, you were being fed. Um, you know, and then I went through my life beliefen, you know, stage, and food was a comfort. Food was my escape. Um, food was it settled my fears, my concerns, my hurt, um, the slow battle that I was going through. You know, girl, I could tell you. My go-to was ice cream cake. Okay. We ain't gonna tell you how many ice cream cakes we ate in a month. That was that was like your pound cake. Oh my goodness. I had well, I had many. I had many, I had a sweet tooth, I had a sweet tooth, and so girl. It was that, you know, it was so many great restaurants, you know, and you don't realize how much how many calories you are consuming at one time. And sometimes they're still hungry, you know. It's like, you know, and so um, you know, over time, so I still love my food. Um right now, I have to manage it. Because if I do not, it can go, it can get out of control. Um, but again, I'm probably gonna keep saying this and saying this and saying this. It's it's it's so interesting how other people's comments and opinions affect how we live our lives and what we see as beauty, right, and what we should be content with. And if I'm in a process where I want to lose weight, you know, then how much weight do you want to lose? You know, there's always someone having to say something about you, about you. And that can also be a derailment for people, which is a concern for me. Um, because it can take them off their track. And so then my question would be how do we ignore the naysayers so you can stay on track with your goals?

SPEAKER_03 36:10

Yeah. I am that question of how my image has changed is or how my relationship uh with my image or I would say that, just period. Whether it be weight or anything, um it definitely has changed down through the years where at this point, y'all know, I don't care. So I literally was able to just turn that switch off. Um I honestly don't care. You know, this this is what what did you say? You said not happy, but content. Content. What I'm content. Yeah. You know, hey, this this is good for me. For me. It's good for me, you know. I'm content. But as you said, uh what other people other people's expectations or their the way what they have to say is important. I will say it is important because I do run on accountability also. Right. Right. So I can turn the switch back on in the areas that I needed. Right. You know, right. So when it comes down to even working out, uh, you know, I need accountability. So if I say, uh, I don't feel like going, I need somebody else's judgment to come. Uh you said you, okay, you right? Yeah. You right, I'm coming. Or I'm it they I know that they expect me to be there, and I don't want to answer to them if I don't show up. Like I know how to turn that switch on. Uh coming together and say, Y'all, I'm on this thing here, and uh, so I'm trying not to, I'm trying to do this, that, and the other. So if y'all see me doing this, I need y'all to check me. You know, I've given you permission to say a thing. So now we sit at the table, so you just you just gonna have another piece of cornbread. I guess I'm not. You know, man, that's a lot of pasta. You gotta eat.

SPEAKER_02 38:09

But I think it also like we really have to put into context, right? There is a difference between health being healthy, yeah. Being small, right, and being heavy overweight, neither one of the two indicates health. Right, that part. So if we're gonna talk about the weight loss, just because you are a size two does not mean that you are healthy at all. Exactly. And if you are a size 20, it does not mean that you are unhealthy. Right. That part because it depends on your frame, how tall you are, it's a number of factors, right? So we need to address that piece. So don't think just because you look at this person, oh, they are the picture of perfect health because they are a size 10 and what or whatever, 150 pounds, whatever. No, that's not what it means. What is their overall state of health? Because that's the longevity. Right. And that's the thing that we should be focusing on.

SPEAKER_03 39:21

What so your goal? Like, what is your goal? Is your goal for longevity? Is your goal to look a certain weight to be a certain weight, or is your goal health, longevity and health. And health. I think that's good.

SPEAKER_02 39:33

I hope the goal is health, because even if you get down to that weight that you want to be, if you are not healthy, is not sustainable. It's not. So that's the huge piece. But also then understanding that weight is not associated with self-worth. Right. It doesn't matter your weight, it doesn't matter your size, it is it has nothing to do with your self-worth and your value and who you are. We are all made in the image, and we are kings and queens that walk this earth. So it doesn't matter what size I'm in, what I'm wearing, it doesn't matter. I know who I am and I know my worth. Right.

SPEAKER_03 40:13

So a couple of questions with that. Um, because I agree. Um, but I also I think we all agree that it's easiest to say that, right? It's easy to say, right? Um, so couple of questions. So, what does that look like, or how do you peel that off or disconnect the two? Right? And then what motivates you uh in a healthy way? Like what are the things that motivate you to be healthy? Um just I'll so it's two separate questions, but take one of them.

SPEAKER_04 40:46

Which one you gonna take, Melissa?

SPEAKER_03 40:48

Which one you won't, Kelly?

SPEAKER_01 40:49

I'll say which one you want. I'll take the other one. I'll leave whatever you leave on the table, girl. Come on.

SPEAKER_03 40:54

How do you disconnect the self-worth with weight loss or being a certain weight, right? Or um what motivates you in a healthy way? What are the themes? I took the first one.

SPEAKER_04 41:07

So, what I used to do, I what I had to do, because I had to um I had to change how I saw myself. You know, even at my most heaviest weight. You know, staying it's so it's it's from within out. So staying in that negative when I see myself in the mirror, I may not like that image, didn't like the image. And so I had to say, well, this is where I'm at right now. Nothing's gonna change until you change. So, what's the first steps? What I did um is I created a spreadsheet and it was affirmation. And every morning before I got into that shower, I had to say three things on what I liked about the person I see in the mirror who has nothing on. Hair all over the place because the the wrap didn't work, um, you know, and I'm naked, you know, with the rolls and dimpos and all that. And I had to still say, but what do you love about what are the three things that you see about this person? What do you love about this person? And I started to feed back into myself. Okay, and that's what we're going to lean on for the rest of the day. And what happens first thing in the morning, besides you say, you know, your prayers to thank the Lord for another wonderful day, um, is now you're changing, I'm changing my mindset about myself, the negativity, because that negativity can go all day long on what you're not doing. And I had to have a fresh start for something positive and believe it. Yes. It's not just the words. And sometimes I had to fake it, and then I kept rehearsing that to myself throughout the day. And then one by one, I started to remove the chips, um, removing the dark clouds. And I saw, okay, well, let me get my, let me learn how to do 10,000 steps and see what that looks like. And do that every day, you know, get accountability partner. I had a different countability partner before I had this one over here. And slowly by surely, I started to see the old me, but the better me on how I saw myself.

SPEAKER_02 43:30

I absolutely love that because I'm all about affirmations. I I believe that in my bathroom, when I go to the bathroom in the morning, in you know, in my private area there, yeah, that I have something there that I read every morning is just a constant reminder. Cause I believe in the world we pour out so much. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 43:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:55

And the world tells us so many things of who we are and what we're not. All these things, it's my moment to pour back into me. Right. And to see me the way God sees me.

SPEAKER_04 44:09

Right there.

SPEAKER_02 44:10

And that's that's enough.

SPEAKER_04 44:12

Right there.

SPEAKER_02 44:13

Because if you can believe it here, I believe it bleeds out. It bleeds out into every part of you. So affirmations, I yes, all day long. And just remember, sometimes you just got to look in the mirror and say, you are gorgeous. Good morning. You're beautiful. Gorgeous. You're doing the dog. And every part of you.

SPEAKER_04 44:37

MJ, MJB.

SPEAKER_02 44:39

Yeah. Every part of you. You have to do that.

SPEAKER_04 44:42

That was an M song for me, too.

SPEAKER_02 44:44

Even when what you see is not what you want to see. And I love what you said there. You then you start making your plan of how I'm going to, if this is not what I want to see, to be my best self. Right. Not what everybody else is telling me, for me. Right. How do I get there? Right.

SPEAKER_03 45:05

I like that.

SPEAKER_02 45:06

And then you the question was, okay, then number two, the question was about what keeps, what motivates you for health is my kids. I I want to be around to see my children's children's children. So whatever it takes for me to get to that point to have longevity, a long life, then I've got to do it. Not just for them, but for me. But they are a huge driver in that. Because I can't wait to meet my grandchildren, grandchildren. You know, that that's important to me.

SPEAKER_03 45:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 45:47

I love it.

SPEAKER_03 45:48

Yeah. What motivates me is just remembering how it feels to be in the midst of it. Like if I'm going and I am running, or if I'm walking, or if I'm on a bike, or I'm just outside working in the yard, you know, and it just feels so free. And if we're honest with ourselves, it feels better than sitting on the couch watching TV. I'm just saying, think about it. Think about it. You're out in the sun and you're doing things or whatever. And then you can stand back and look at the work. Um, whether it be the whether it be you not necessarily skinny or smaller, but you can see God, that me some muscles that I want off my body.

SPEAKER_04 46:38

That's her car, right? I'm like, golly, I'm doing the same thing.

SPEAKER_03 46:43

And then you know that you you you did that. And honestly, even though you didn't, it's the get up, it's the get up part. So just if you can get past that and then you get there, it's it's the get up, and that's only what all the 15 minutes, maybe 30 minutes, you over that, right? And you made it there. The the part where you're actually doing it, if you think about it, you're actually having a good time.

SPEAKER_02 47:07

Yeah, like I tell you, I can't tell you the number of times I'm like, I don't want to go work out, I don't want to go for the walk, I don't want to do it. And you do it, and you just that was good.

SPEAKER_03 47:19

That was really good. You know, yeah. I'm so glad I did that. I mean that's what what motivates me.

SPEAKER_04 47:27

You know what? And and also what motivated me was two things. And it's plantar fishitis.

SPEAKER_02 47:32

Plantar fasciitis. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 47:33

Okay, thank you. So so that was one. My thing, and you know that you knew this, is um my knees were so weak that I could not bend down without having to have a support, um, whether it's somebody's hand or an object to literally, I could not. So if you drop something, I gotta figure out strategically how I'm gonna pick that thing up.

SPEAKER_01 47:56

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 47:58

Because the muscles around my knees were so weak. And um we were doing the gym, we had a gym membership, and then we end up having um personal trainer. Personal trainer, we talked about her before. Um and um Tia. Um, and um she worked it. You know, we got into lifting weights and and moving weights and moving, what was she on, girl? That I actually pulled her for a distance.

SPEAKER_03 48:27

Oh, on that tire.

SPEAKER_04 48:28

A big tire, big, and I had that she was a hundred.

SPEAKER_03 48:30

And she owned it.

SPEAKER_04 48:31

Yeah, and I'm pushing her, pulling her. And over time, you know, we're building muscles that I'm not even picking up.

SPEAKER_02 48:38

Sounds amazing.

SPEAKER_04 48:39

And then, girl, I dropped something and had the nerve to pick it up in the gym without any help. And I was like, Kelly, did you just pick that up? And and that right there.

SPEAKER_02 48:52

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:53

Because I was having, you know, I mean, when you when you're not when your mobility is not what it used to be, um, that really changed also your perspective. And also the planters. Um, you know, they said you have flat feet. I I've never had flat feet, but that weight caused me to have some flat feet. And so I had to get special, you know, inserts. And so um, when you start to see those goals and you start to see your health and your mobility improve, the biggest thing is that mobility.

SPEAKER_06 49:25

Right.

SPEAKER_04 49:26

Because without that, that can limit the things that you can do. And I'm still too young to be limited on those type of things. Right.

SPEAKER_02 49:33

Absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 49:35

Um, the affirmations I would I want to circle back because I think, you know, sometimes people may not feel like that's necessary. It's just like, okay, here we go with the affirmations or you know, speaking life into the situation, um, being positive um instead of being negative. Um so I do it's not something that's and I it's not something that's mystical. No, it's not something that's magical. Uh it is the truth and it's the way your brain works. Um I know we've talked about it. It is scientific and we've talked about this before. So you have at the at the base of your brain, I believe it's called the RAS, R A S reticular activity system. Um, and it is the very thing that uh causes you to focus. So let me give you an example. Like if we were in, we all three of us was in a car together, and I think this is the example I gave you some time ago. If we are all in the car together, and um what do you drive? The brand? Yes. Okay, so when you first got the Lexus, I loved it. We could all be in the same car, but when you first got that Lexus, how about you now see the same Lexus all the time? The same brand. Now they've been out there all the time, they didn't just all of all of a sudden shut it. Exactly, right? But that's your RAS working. Right. Um, now you're focused on that thing, right? And it's the same thing with affirmations. I love how it feels when I'm this, this, and this, whatever it is that you put on your little affirmation or on your plan. This is my plan of attack. I love how it feels to be this way. I love how it feels. And you're walking in speaking life like that to the point where you begin to focus on it, you begin to focus on the things that'll get you there, right? Um, and so that's why affirmations and writing it down and making it plain. That's why that's important to do, and then actually saying it and stop and change your language. Start seeing the positive things. Where because when you say the negative things, you're actually telling your brain that you ain't made it yet. Right. That you're a failure, that you're this, that you're that. And you and and and I know that sometimes we're not self-aware, right? Right. But you have to be self-aware, and that's how you become self-aware. Exactly. You begin to say those things, and in and your biologically, you begin to shift and focus on those things. So what you think about all day long is what you are. So, what you're thinking about. Yep.

SPEAKER_04 52:19

And a vision board's good for that too. Yeah, you know, because the minute you write it down, you would it's out of your head and you can see it.

SPEAKER_05 52:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 52:29

You may not attack it right then and there, but it's written down. And back to what you're saying. So I'm gonna tell you when I wanted certain legs, I would see all these women walking around with these legs. And what I would always tell them, I would say, please excuse me. And you're like, Yes, I says, thank you for having those legs, because those are the legs that I want. And those what then that's what I'm gonna be aspiring to get. And that was a little giggle, giggle, giggle. But it allows me to vision again what I want to see and how will I get there together?

SPEAKER_03 53:06

Absolutely. That's kind of funny. You would tell somebody because I feel like we need to, well, people, period. Yes, but to celebrate somebody else and say, girl, you we winning. You are winning. Beautiful. And I'm watching it. And because you're winning, I'm gonna win. I'm gonna win it. Uh, because you're going to the image.

SPEAKER_01 53:26

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:28

All right. So we actually have about five or ten more minutes. Were there any other comments that you guys wanted to chat about?

SPEAKER_04 53:39

Any other thing? What I just want to say is that, you know, whatever your journey is, however you choose to get to your end spot, let that be your journey, whether it's weight loss, GPL, um, that's your journey. Don't let anyone talk you out. Make sure that you're definitely discussing those with your doctor. And that also includes if you decide just to go straight to the gym, discuss that with your doctor. But let that be your personal journey and don't let anyone else talk you out of what your journey is. Um but also keeping in mind if you decide to go with weight loss surgery or the GPLs, um, that you still gonna have to work out. So it's just an added bonus to get you closer to your goal, but you still are going to have to work out. You gotta make sure that you got your proteins in and your um muscle tone. So it's not oh, you know, it's not gonna fix everything, but also it's gonna help you to start re-looking at how you look at food and how you look at yourself and just getting some plans um in action.

SPEAKER_02 54:52

Yeah. I totally agree. And I I've got a couple others. One is sleep. Oh my goodness. Tell it. We uh tell it, we don't realize how sleep deprivation impacts our ability to maintain proper weight, proper health, all of those things. You have to, and people think, oh, I can make it off of five hours. No, your body needs ample sleep, so please make sure you are getting adequate sleep to hydration. No matter if you're taking the GOPs, whatever it is, your body needs water, you have to hydrate. That is so important for in your journey, whether it's weight loss journey or being healthy, you have to have water. Um, and then lastly, I'm gonna throw in the pill of positivity. No matter what you are going to do, you have to remain positive. Our body is built on you missed, mentioned the RAS, I'm gonna mention oxytocin. It is that healthy, happy piece. So you've got to stay positive. I don't care what it looks like, find the silver lining in every part of life and everything that you do because it's gonna change your outlook. Right. And if you can do to me, some of those three things, like you've already said, those pieces, combine that with it. Yeah, and it just makes for a I'm more so focused on wholeness. Yes, yes, it's about being whole. If you're whole, the happiness will come. Yeah, if you're whole, the health will come, yeah, and all components of it, and be patient, be patient with yourself, absolutely, and some sun.

SPEAKER_03 56:52

Yeah, it's some vitamin D. Vitamin A and vitamin D. You'll be surprised how that'll help your well-being. Get into the sun, get out of the house. Yes, yes, you know, stop watching the series, get out of the house. Um, make sure that you have support. Yes, um, from a group. Make sure that you're surrounding yourself with masters, yeah, those that know what they're doing, yeah, right? Because I'm gonna tell you something. The blind can't be leading the blind. But when you surround yourself with people who are doing it and they are uh successful in doing whether it be weight loss or anything, they're successful in that. Um these crumbs fall from the table. Yes. And you're like these nuggets hit, and you're like, what?

SPEAKER_07 57:49

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 57:50

I didn't even think about that. Um, so surround yourself with people, positive people, people who are who don't mind um mentoring you in a way, right?

SPEAKER_06 58:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 58:04

Um, and then think about what encouragement looks like to you and write that down. And then if you don't have anybody else to say it, that's your affirmation. Encourage your own self every morning, every evening. If you need it three times a day, do it three times a day. Put it on now. We got whatever phone. I know most phones have uh uh an alarm on it, and you can name the alarm, so let the alarm go off and say, now tell yourself this and just go on and say it, you know. Might be on the Android too. I don't know about your phone, but I know it's on my phone. There are tons of apps.

SPEAKER_01 58:47

You can get it. It should come on your phone. Android comes.

SPEAKER_03 58:53

Great. So today has been awesome. I hope uh that uh you have connected with uh several things that have been said today. If there's something else that dropped on you as we were talking, please message us, talk to us. That makes the conversation even better. I know, uh, I know you love saying rebust. I say it now all the time. It makes the conversation more robust. So uh please message us um about that so that um start a conversation. Start a conversation. We are on YouTube, go there and start that conversation under the comments. Um, and then share this with someone that you know needs to hear this.

SPEAKER_07 59:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 59:36

Um, if there's something that we said that even if you disagree with something, message us. Yeah, put it in the comments, start a conversation. We want to see what you have to say. Any other takeaways? I think that's pretty. I think we covered.

SPEAKER_00 59:52

Enjoy your journey. There you go. Enjoy your journey. Enjoy your journey.

SPEAKER_03 59:57

Yes, great. Well, thanks for coming again. Make sure that you share once again. Make sure that uh you like, subscribe, YouTube. Uh, we are on Apple, we are on iHop. IHOP. See, I'm hungry. No, iHeart. We are on Facebook also. Um, but uh make sure that you share, like, subscribe, all those special things support us. Thank you so much. See you next time.