Birthdays as a Reset: Taking Inventory of the Bags We Carry

Andrea Wormley, with co-hosts Melissa Benson and Kelli Moorer, opens the episode by thanking supporters and inviting listeners to subscribe and share the show “Her Presence” on major podcast platforms. Continuing the season theme “the bags we carry,” they discuss birthdays as a checkpoint to pause, reset, and take inventory of emotional, mental, and responsibility “bags,” asking what still serves them. Kelli shares how birthdays have been harder since her mother’s death in 2022, but meaningful through intentional friends and fellowship. They reflect on wisdom gained with age, staying active, and pursuing passion without “retiring,” including Andrea’s experience earning a real estate broker license and learning from elderly brokers. They explore outgrowing beliefs like perfectionism, fear of failure, and shyness, encourage journaling and vision boards, and offer advice to those feeling behind: kill comparison, connect with God, lean on others, and start again. They end with birthday traditions, the importance of acknowledgment, and a reminder to live in the moment.

00:00 Welcome and Season Theme
00:51 Birthdays as Checkpoints
04:08 Kelli on Grief and Friends
06:58 Celebrating Kids and Milestones
08:41 What Changes With Age
12:39 Asking a Woman Her Age
13:42 Staying Active and Stress-Free
15:35 Wisdom From Elders at Work
20:41 Beliefs We Have Outgrown
24:23 Outgrowing Shyness and Imposter Feelings
28:30 Ministry Over Image
29:10 Failure Fuels Growth
30:42 Shyness and Showing Up
31:55 Toastmasters Confidence Boost
34:18 Never Too Late Reset
37:13 Small Wins and Support
38:59 Purpose and Write It Down
41:49 Dream Birthday Traditions
48:49 Must Haves and 50th Stories
51:22 Final Takeaways and Goodbye

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Birthdays are really a blessing because no one's promised tomorrow. And so to be able to see another year when so many have not, you know, that's that's something. That's pretty awesome.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Because life is a it truly is a gift. It's a gift. And being able to just appreciate the moment. Appreciate the opportunity to see another birthday. And what that year is gonna hold. But I always see it as a reset too. This is a new year, a new opportunity for you to do, live your best life. I just always see it as you've been given another gift of a year. Now what are you gonna do with that? So really I think when you get to that point in your life where you're just like, this ain't really work. This is my passion. If you're in that state in your life where you are living your passion, to me, that's your best life. You you purpose and passion. Oh, really, best life. Failure is actually fertilizer. Right. It's right. Yeah. It's that drama, it's the thing that's going to push you. Because as many times as I failed at something, it's taught me a lesson, has transformed me, has changed me. I would say this that as long as you have breath in your life, girl, you have the ability to start again.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

You cannot give up on yourself because people are rooting for you.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Absolutely. If it's your birthday, that's one thing that has to happen.

SPEAKER_02 1:55

Somebody saying happy birthday. That's about it. This is just ignorance.

SPEAKER_03 2:05

You want to say happy birthday to me. Um when you want it, you wanna hurt my feelings.

SPEAKER_04 2:34

Thank you again. Always supporting us. We so appreciate you. Uh, we are just honored that you continue to listen to us, listen to the show, her presence. Um, so I am Andrea Wormley. Um, my co-host here is Melissa Benson. And my co-host on the end of this couch is Kelly Moore. Um, make sure that you always share, you are subscribing. We are on YouTube, we are on Spotify, Apple, we're on the major podcast platforms, and also on social media. Um, so if you hear something during our episodes that you know will uh help an individual or reach out or touch an individual, please make sure that you share with them. So this season we are talking about the bags we carry. Um, and so today, you know, um, so you know what? It was somebody's birthday. I'm not gonna say who, somebody on this couch. Her birthday was this week. Actually, this month, last week, this month. And um uh, you know, I was thinking about that, and I was thinking about how birthdays actually represent a checkpoint or a time to take inventory. Um, you know, bags and purses are not something that you just hold on your shoulder, right? Um it they are emotional. It could be an emotional thing, it could be an emotional bag, it could be um a mental bag, it could be it could represent um responsibility. Um I'll handle it bag. Um and usually that comes in the the years and the and your age and as time moves forward in your journey in life, right? And so birthdays represent a checkpoint. Um so birthdays aren't just cake and and candles, they're a pause. They're it should be, I think. Maybe we can start thinking like that when when we're uh when we're coming up on our birthdays, right? It's a pause, it's a a reset button, it's a chance to look at the bags that we have or that we've been lugging around, and then you ask yourself, is this a keeper? Or is this something I really need? Does this really serve me? When was the last time that you asked yourself that? Right? And so if you have a birthday coming up, maybe you should ask yourself, you know, what what is serving me? What bag do I need to pick up to serve me better? Right? And so I was also like thinking that some people they rep, they they represent their birthday, not just one day, but it's a whole month. And then Kelly, you were telling me you you know some people who celebrate a whole year.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

A whole year. I mean a month was different.

SPEAKER_04 5:54

Who shows thoughts on birthdays? We want to talk about birthdays on today. Thoughts on birthday.

SPEAKER_01 6:03

I guess it's me. Like just had a birthday.

SPEAKER_05 6:06

Yeah, somebody just had a birthday.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

I think as an adult, I probably now have more birthdays than I did as a child.

SPEAKER_04 6:16

Like birthday parties.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

Birthday parties, birthday gatherings. Um birthdays are really a blessing because no one's promised tomorrow. And so to be able to see another year when so many have not, you know, that's that's something that's pretty awesome. You know, thank the Lord for that. Um but I will say on a flip side, slight flip side, the last couple years have been a little hard for me. Um my mom passed away in 22. And um she was the one that made sure as the family, you know, we honored everyone for their birthday. You know, that was a big thing for her. And so, um, you know, since she, you know, is no longer, you know, here. Yeah, you know, it's another year and I'm grateful, I'm grateful, but her presence is not here. And um, it makes it a little challenging. And um if I could even take up some more time, I have really great friends. Um I, you know, I've shared, you know, how my birthday is a little different. Um but since then they have made sure my birthdays um are honored. Um it's been able to bring us together. And I'm not focusing on that um so much as mom not being there, but I'm now able to have great fellowships with these beautiful women that are so important in my life. And um I told them just this past weekend that they were liars, but it's not liars, they are secret, they're gatekeepers to secrets. But they hold some secrets. Um, but it's sorry, Melissa, but it was just it was so refreshing um to be able to just spend time with them. I presents didn't need to be had, but I thank you. They're beautiful presents, but just the women that were there and the laughs that we had and the good times together. So um birthdays for me are a little are a little different, but I I'm I'm also spoiled. I have really great friends and they honor me and um are very intentional on how they honor and show love. So that's my long story.

SPEAKER_04 8:49

You you mentioned how birthdays are different for you, um, uh Kelly, and it's because, you know, mom and that, and you know, if you think about a birthday being if you come to think of your birthday as a reset, um new memories, new things, right? Right. And when you were thinking when you were saying that I was like, yeah, and I get to have new memories and I get to remember the memories, but I get to also, you know, um, this is a crossworld for me. And and what do I want, you know, moving forward? Yeah, what's your what's your thoughts on that, Melissa?

SPEAKER_00 9:32

I think to your your birthdays, um everyone's birthday means something different to them. I think as you get older, uh your feelings about birthdays change. I know some people who like you said, they're gonna celebrate the whole month. And uh it's and I you know, I'm one of those, I'm very sentimental when it comes to my kids and making sure they have, I mean, you know, it's kind of like, oh, she's gonna do the most. Yes, I am, because I want that to be your moment where you're celebrating, you're honored. Um, and I enjoy that as well. I love it's a moment just for you. Nothing else in this time and this moment matters. This is all about you celebrating the person that you are and that you're here with us another year.

SPEAKER_04 10:30

Yeah, I agree with you. I think birthdays are really important. And then you talked about your kids uh for me too. Um my kids, both of them. I was um um the fact that they are here is a miracle. And so we're gonna celebrate each you know, cycle of the sun when it comes to you. And it's in so what are we gonna do? You know, and it's always like, what are you like you say, we're doing the most, what are we gonna do? You know, this and the other. And even like turning certain ages, like you turn 21, we about to do this up. What we don't, you know, it's not gonna just be at the house with balloons and stuff, and what are we gonna do? So for I have a question. So what part of you feels older each year? And what part feels unchanged? You know how people say, Well, how do you feel? The same. Or is it the same? You know, what parts of you feel older when you think about each year that comes, and what part is unchanged. Anybody have an answer for that?

SPEAKER_03 11:45

What's your answer?

SPEAKER_04 11:47

Me? Yeah. Um, I feel like the thing that is, I don't know if I would say uh necessarily older, but maybe more mature is wisdom, my wisdom, my understanding of things. If that if I had it to do over again with this knowledge that I have, I would have done this. Or I would do it the same way. Even with the knowledge I have, I would do it the same way. Um just just understanding so many things uh from marriage to the relationship I have with my kids to um business to um you name it. Uh, you know, so that is more mature or older or more mature. The unchanged thing would be probably what I'm intentionally trying not to change is the way that I don't look my age. I'm hoping that that's unchanged.

SPEAKER_02 12:59

Bless me. Yeah. Like, I hope that people when I say this how old I am, people are like, What? I can't believe it. Yeah, let that stay unchanged.

SPEAKER_03 13:09

What about you guys?

SPEAKER_01 13:13

I agree with you. Yeah, um, it's the wisdom. Um I'm older. Uh um, and I'm I'm blessed to I like that I can also change. You know, I can go with the flow. Um I am seeing things a lot more broad versus narrow. And um I tell you this generation, our children's generation, you know, you're either going to stay stagnant or you're going to blossom and learn to adjust and sometimes to adapt to the changing world. So um I'm just grateful that I've been able to. There are some things I'm glad I still have those same perspectives uh uh those those same um thoughts and um but I'm glad that I've been able to grow. To grow. Wisdom is very powerful.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

Wait a minute. For me, I think it's just uh I think you guys have already uh discussed it, but it's the appreciation of another year. Because life is a it truly is a gift, it's a gift and being able to just uh appreciate the moment, appreciate the opportunity to see another birthday and what that year is gonna hold. And I always see it as a reset too. This is a new year, a new opportunity for you to do live your best life. I I just always see it as you've been given another gift of a year. Now what are you gonna do with it? What are you gonna do with it?

SPEAKER_04 15:10

That's good. Okay. Rules of engagement. No, rules. So in our other episode, you had mentioned rules. We were talking about purses, right? And and what's in your purse, and you were saying, you know, there are rules, and you know, don't put your purse on the floor and all that. There are rules to asking someone their age, like women, you know, never ask. Is that how it goes? Never ask a woman. Her age. Her age.

unknown 15:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:37

How do y'all feel about that? Do you do you care? Uh-huh. Yeah. I don't care. I don't care. I get it, I think I get a kick out saying, yeah, I'm 52. What? You know, just watch their, like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:52

Yeah, I'll have to ask them, how old do you think I am?

SPEAKER_04 15:55

Uh-huh. How old do you think I am?

SPEAKER_01 15:57

Really? Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 15:59

Yeah. I think I'll always be that way though. Not necessarily like to see your reaction, but you know, um, how old are you? I'm I'm 85, you know, and this is how old I am, and I'm still, you know, I think for me also, it's just even the question about just what feels older and what has unchanged, I just want to stay active as long as possible.

unknown 16:24

Right.

SPEAKER_04 16:24

As long as possible, I want that to not change, right? Um, there's a book um that I read, and it it was um discussing uh uh centurions, uh people who made it to 100, and how in this particular community um it was normal for people to be a hundred. Wow. And it talked about how active they were. You know, obviously it was diet and all this kind of stuff, and how active and how also their mentality on life was just you never like retire is really not in their language, it's not a word in their language, right? But they do what comes natural, what their jam is, it's their hobby, so to speak. And they they still may get streams of income from that, but as long as you're doing what you love to do, and you're getting paid for it. Right. You never retire from that because that's what you wake up doing. It's it's who God made you, right? Um, and I thought that that was really a good book because I was like, yeah, I want to be active, I want to be good to my body. But I also want, I don't want to be stressed out. And I feel like that's something that I do want to change, you know, from then, from now to then, I want to continue to kind of release that bag of sh of things that stress me out, you know, and release that and understand and give myself permission that I don't really need that. Right. You know, I yeah. What's your thoughts on on that that concept?

SPEAKER_00 18:09

My husband is a huge uh sports fanatic, and I'm always amazed by um what? But I'm always amazed when I see these sports casters, and they're like 85, 87. Well, I think we were watching one the other day, and the guy was finally retiring at like 87 years old. And I just thought, man, but it goes back to what you said of it wasn't really work. His life, he enjoyed it sports, he loved being in that environment, he loved the game, he loved so really I think when you get to that point in your life where you're just like this ain't really work, this is my passion. If you're in that state in your life where you are living your passion, to me, that's your best life. You you purpose and passion. Boom.

SPEAKER_04 19:10

Really, best life wake up and you're like, mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:15

Yeah, you're right. Living your best life. Yeah, yeah. That's living your best life. Living the best life doesn't necessarily mean there's gonna be a retirement.

SPEAKER_04 19:24

True. Depends on what you're doing. And does it really need because some of y'all, oh I'm gonna look at you, some of y'all retired and then went right into something else, right? Like, who's retired? You up and running. And I I mean, and I feel like that that's good. I think that's wisdom. I think you should keep going. Never like get somewhere and sit down, and that's all you do.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

Um, but think about it with the military, you enter like at 20 years old or younger. It's a twenty, yeah. You retire after 20, 30 years. You retire from that. Yeah, you're still in the prime of your life. That yeah, that's that's yeah. I dropped off that bag. I picked up this new one, right? Yeah. I can really live my passion and not right, you know, requirements.

SPEAKER_04 20:10

That's so funny. So I recently became um a broker, um, real estate broker, and I was taking a class. Um in uh certain class, I don't know about y'all, but certain classes I can take online, certain classes I need to be in. I need to be looking at you just right. So this class, I I didn't, they did offer, I believe they offered it online, but this class I wanted to be in in the place because I really wanted to gain knowledge from those that had been in the game for a while. The crumbs from the masters. Um, so uh went to the class. Y'all, I was so surprised about the age of the pe of the uh brokers there. They were all older. I was trying to find out the best word to say. They were all very, they were elderly, okay? Mature, not even mature, they were elderly. Okay. I was like, what is happening? And it just opened my eyes. I was like, this means that this step that I'm taking is one that does not have to be stressful. If you could see them, they were just like so lively and having a good time and all this kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_02 21:36

I said, okay now. I don't walked into the promised land.

SPEAKER_04 21:41

It was like, wow, okay. And then to be able to ask them questions and they are just freely giving you, oh, this is what you should do. And I want to know how do you do this? And you make it very simple. I don't want to recreate the wheel. I want to know what, you know, because I was like, okay. The legal part and the you know, I don't want to get in trouble with this. I don't want somebody else, but to look at them and to know that they are a walking SOP, a walking handbook, how do you do this and and make it plain? You know, um, so met so many different people, uh, wrote down numbers and want to, I'm always a I'm a stickler about making sure that you have masters around you. Where it where is it that you want to go in life? You need to surround yourself with those types of people. Um, because statistically, statistically, financially, you will make on average the pe the amount of money on average that you have around you statistically. Um, and it's not about the money for me, it's about the knowledge, right? I want that, you know. Um, and so to grab those crumbs that fall from the from the table. So when you're talking about uh the centurions and the older people and all that, they have so much wisdom. Yeah. How do you get to that age and you still working?

SPEAKER_00 23:03

Yeah, yep.

SPEAKER_04 23:03

And it's okay, and you like you're smiling, having a good time, right?

SPEAKER_00 23:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 23:08

Wow. Any other comments on that? Okay. What when you think about beliefs, belief systems, things that you um um just values or belief systems um even maybe about yourself. Uh what are some that you've outgrown? Golden calves that you at some point in your life kicked over and said that that that's not me anymore. What are some beliefs? Okay, I have one. That my house has to always be right. That uh yes, listen, listen, let me tell you something. Tell you something. Now don't come over my house without me knowing. Back in this back in the day. Don't come over my house without me knowing, um, knocking on the door because I would be so stressed out about my house not looking the way I perceive it should be um for you know, people it's not ready to um bring people. Um, and I have a I have a girlfriend um who uh we would go over her house and all you feel was peace. It may not be just really straight, not, but we would hang and have such a good time. And I had to realize that some things are not that important, right? And it is not about the way that your house looks, it's about the invite, or it's about the the fellowship, it's about that. And so now I have to tell you, come on in. Yeah, push that over. You bear.

SPEAKER_03 25:11

I've been meeting to clean up, but Gina, let me go over here, Walkie. Well, she seen at the table. Girl, let me watch these dishes.

SPEAKER_04 25:19

So for me, I feel like that let out a lot of stress for me. I but I do know that for my culture, the way we grew up in my family, you're supposed to do that. You're supposed to make sure this is this and this is this and this is this. And there are layers of stress I feel like that we put on ourselves because of the perception of what we think it's supposed to be. So, so that's me. Um, what are some beliefs that you guys have that or had that you outgrown?

SPEAKER_01 25:58

Melissa, what's yours? This is looking right at me. I'm sitting here still trying to think. I mean, you actually took mine.

SPEAKER_05 26:07

This is what they witness you try to correlate the your purse, um, probably being the condition of your house.

SPEAKER_03 26:16

Okay, I get another one. If y'all never read that, do you got another one today?

SPEAKER_05 26:20

Can we get some easy questions? I have to have a I always have to have an answer. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 26:30

That's good though. That that's good. You always have to have the answer.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

I like that word. What I've outgrown is I don't always have to have the answer.

SPEAKER_00 26:45

Or just hand it over to somebody.

SPEAKER_05 26:47

You know, I have another one if you don't know yet.

SPEAKER_02 26:54

Can it be a curtain? So um we should rehearse these. Right.

SPEAKER_04 27:04

So when I uh believe it or not, and I know when I say this, a lot of people are like, what? I can't believe it. But when I was probably up through maybe ther uh 30, probably through 30, 31, I was extremely shy. Extremely shy. And uh I would never have known that. Right. People say that what I can't believe. I think I did, but you were still talking.

SPEAKER_05 27:39

Okay, problem was I was like, I was like that too, girl.

SPEAKER_04 27:44

But I was shy uh through 31, but I think it had the same thing to do with presentation, um, just you know, feeling like I'm an imposter or feeling like um I am not efficient, you know, or I'm lacking, you know, something. Um, but then the things that God has put me through and then starting a my business um that has helped me with that to realize that everybody else is just like me, like you going through that too, you know. Exactly. When I first so I have outgrown that and just became okay with who I am. Even if I am flawed, it's okay. You know, if you're gonna talk about me, well, if it ain't that, it's gonna be something else. I'm sure I'm gonna give you something else to talk about. You know, and just coming to terms with that. When I first started my bookkeeping um business, uh I remember um my my the the first clients that would come into the my office, right? So I had a um a co-caller and she would call and she's and I told her, I need to just set two appointments a week, you know, da da da and she was doing her thing. And so that means I get two appointments a week. And so the very first two that would come this that first week, I'm looking all at their, you know, because I wanted to know about them. So I'm looking at their website and I'm so nervous. They're gonna come in here and they're gonna see, and it was a it was a man, it was a um um a man that was coming. Both of them were men, men. And I was like, they're gonna come and they're gonna see this black woman. They're gonna come and they're gonna see woman. Um, and then what if I don't make them feel like I'm the person for them and all this kind of stuff, you know, I'm gonna feel really rejected and all this kind of stuff. Just whatever comes through your mind, which is why I actually wanted to look at their website so I can see how I can relate and know about what I can know about them, right? Just nervous. And you're looking, I'm looking at them, and you know how your picture is just like, you know, right, right, oh my gosh. You know, so I'm all trying to get dressed that morning and you know, trying to look the part. And I come in there and I'm just like, ugh. So they come in looking like the website, and they come and they sit down, and this guy says, and I say, Um, you know, I'm so glad that you're here, and da-da-da-da. And I say, um, so I'm gonna tell you who I am, because you know, I'm trying to control the narrative. So I'm gonna tell you who I am and who what we do in a nutshell, and then I want you to tell me how we can support your business, right? So I say all that, and when I finish, this man looks at me and he just starts bawling. That's why I have tissue on my on my desk to this day.

SPEAKER_01 30:51

I need someone like you. I I feel so comfortable in here.

SPEAKER_04 30:57

And he's looking around and he's just like, ugh. He's still my client. You know, and like to see that and to see that first of all, this is a ministry. God has you here for a reason, and to be able to speak to the tears, you know, we got finally got to what the problem was. Don't worry. I got you. I can take you across this bridge. You know, this is what I'm here for. And so, yeah. And so, God just those different little episodes and different things just helped me to realize it is you that's supposed to be out there, not some perception of what things are, right? So that's something that has grown for me, or I've outgrown being shy because of presentation.

SPEAKER_00 31:42

Yeah. For me, um, it's been that failure, because I always had, oh, I've gotta do it right, I've gotta do this right, I've gotta do it this way, gotta do it that way. That failure is not fatal. That part. And it's not final. Girl, get off the flow. And it's like, oh my gosh, you can push through something. And over time I've learned that failure is actually a fertilizer. Right. It's right, it's fuel. Yeah, it's that dry, it's the thing that's going to push you because as many times have I failed at something, it's taught me a lesson that's transformed me, has changed me, has pushed me forward, has made me refocus. So learning that, you yeah, you you don't learn it overnight. But with these birthdays and the changing of the time, you realize it was for you good. Yeah, it was for your good. Yeah, that's that's good. That's good.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

I'm like that. And I like all for your answers because I can definitely relate to those. The failure uh part is that's how you grow. That's how you learn. Yes, you know, and it's also being in business, even in relationships, you know, if it's always perfect, yeah, then you don't have a measure. Nope. Um, like you, I'm still I'm still shocked about the shyness. Because, you know, we have, you know. Um, but and I like what you said um about the shyness, is because I also have to check myself at times because I'm still shy. Um, people don't believe it. I know. Um, I disguise it well. But I have to say it again, masquerade, masquerade. But I also have to, you know, when I have when I'm having the moments of checking my own self, I'm looking back at all the things that God got me through. And um he was still there. You know, he got me through it. I had to pray through, Lord, this is not comfortable for me, you know, walk with me, guide me, you know, and then it's over. And then people, oh my gosh, you were such a natural. And I'm thinking inside myself, if you only knew the jitters and the craziness and I wanted to run out that door, you know, what it took for me to just get through it. To show up. Oh my god, to show up. And so and with God, sometimes he's just saying, show up. Just I got the right story, just show up. Come on. Um, so my story was um one of the hospitals that I worked at decided that they wanted their senior leaders to go through Toastmasters. Y'all know what Toastmasters is learning how to give presentations. So a person that's shy, how do you think they're gonna feel? You know, until it's your turn, you know? Yeah. Um, some knew, you know, this is you know, this was not my wheelhorse, but I also took comfort, is that of the 25 of us that were in that room, 20 felt the same way that I felt. And so we were able to gain strength and camaraderie. Um that was a two and a half, three-month process. Do I still like to give presentations? No. But every time I think about it, you can do it because you did it. So don't keep thinking what you can't do. Let's reflect on what you have done, have done successfully, or even if it wasn't successful, I'm still alive. People are still supporting me, and I'm learning through that as well. So um, it's okay to be shy. You just don't let it suffocate and cause you to be stagnant.

SPEAKER_04 35:56

Just push for it. I mean, it's there they're real feelings. You just gotta the real strength comes from just because you're shy doesn't mean you're not strong. So the real strength might means just push through it, and if you can do that, and you don't have to be perfect, you know.

SPEAKER_01 36:10

You can see life, life is so not perfect, you know. Even the people we look up to, they're not perfect, you know? And so quit making that your measure of success or measure of who your self-worth is because that's not yeah. Politics is not uh for the fan of hearts, and we have a lot of people that are not doing too well.

SPEAKER_04 36:32

Yeah. Um, I think it's the comparison, comparison to your to others and the comparison of what you feel like your identity was supposed to be. I think it's you're out outgrowing the fake out identity or the perceived identity and just understanding who you are what your true identity is. Yeah. Um, something that uh that uh you said, Kelly, for those people who are watching or that we are connected to that has had yet another birthday and they feel like they have wasted their life. What would you say to them? They feel like they have wasted their life, or that they felt as though or they feel at every time a birthday comes, it makes that checkpoint for them makes them feel like they are they are not where they should be, uh, that they have wasted their life or that they had to um let go of something that they wished that they didn't have to do and they're kind of resentful about it. Um what would you say to that to that person?

SPEAKER_00 37:50

I would say this that as long as you have breath in your lungs, girl, you have the ability to start again, it's not over. You but you have to decide within you what makes and we talk about that word happy. Um I'm over happy, what makes you content, and you gotta kill comparison. I cannot look at the other person or anyone else, it has to be finding who you really are, and how honestly, I feel like you find who you are when you connect with your creator. You will never truly know your true purpose, what you're supposed to be doing. You will never have true contentment until you connect with the creator. When you do that, your life can be transformed. You can start over, you have an opportunity to do it again. I and I don't care what you have done. I don't care. You can you can switch, you can change. I see people going back to school. I remember in nursing school, I had a um fellow student who was 65 years old, a grandfather, starting a new career, and now he's doing everything in nursing politics. So he he's transforming the world. So it's never too late. Wow. You don't give up on yourself because no one else has.

SPEAKER_01 39:46

Yeah, and like Melissa said, as long as you have breath, it's the opportunity to keep fighting through. Don't give up. Um focus on the small wins. They don't have to be big wins. Big wins are are difficult sometimes. It's the small ones that you have overcome or thought that you could not do. Focus on that. Write stuff down. You know, journal, you know, I'm a vision board. You know, that vision board is really powerful because once you write it down, now it's there. Now it's there. Now it's requiring you to take an action. And also understand is that even with the vision board or what you're trying to do, it is not a quick fix. It can take some of these things can take you years to accomplish, depending on what that is, but just keep doing it. You know, just keep pressing through. One foot in front of the other and cannot give up on yourself because people are rooting for you and they want to see you to succeed. And also lean on other people. I mean, you know, sometimes you don't have the strength, um, but they can give you some wonderful ideas, your friends can give you some wonderful ideas. Um, mentors are there to help you grow. So don't give up on yourself. Don't give up on yourself.

SPEAKER_04 41:17

That's good. Um, don't give up on yourself. Make sure that you connect with God, your your creator. He knows how he created you, he knows the what your jam is, right? Um, and when you were saying that and don't give up on yourself when you guys were saying that, it made me think, so what, because I'm always like, well, what does that look like? What does that sound like? You know, tell me God, show me the success. Because sometimes you're so colorblind to all the successes that you've had in your past that it's hard for you to recall it. So show me, Lord, what are my successes? What uh has happened in the past that I have been successful in. And if you really are wanting to know, begin to listen. Because there are gonna be things that start to come up. And what is my purpose? He will begin to show you what your purpose has always been and how you have actively been in that purpose, like that part, right? Because usually, because we're looking and comparing and looking at other people, that you're missing the fact that you already are moving actively in your purpose, not almost there, not at the edge. I'll be there one day, but you're already actively, and you're so important. There's a reason why people are rooting for you because you are touching their lives already, right? You're connected with them already. And then there are these dreams that God has put into you. And when you said lean on other people, other people will begin to show you and and tell you, then start doing it. See, like sometimes people will tell you stuff and you won't even do it. You'll say, That sounds good, and you're motivated, right? But you'll never do it. It'll be two years from now and be like, I still want to do that. Okay, but did you write it down and make it plain?

SPEAKER_00 43:26

Right.

SPEAKER_04 43:27

You know, me, I'll put it on the calendar. Like I said, I got if it don't, if it's not on my calendar, I'm gonna tell you the truth. It's gonna be 2030. And if I'm still living, I'll be like, oh, that's right. I was supposed to do it. I got to put it on the calendar for it to work, or your vision board, or journal it, or you know, you were writing it down. You are making it so clear that you can make each step each day towards that thing. And I feel like, as opposed to sitting and saying, I don't feel like. I am where I should be. Once you start doing the things, the benchmarks, the movement, that in itself, you said the happiness is not really what, but that's where you find joy in the doing, in in the in the journey. Um, so yeah, I think that that's really important um to know. Um, okay. Like, here she comes with this next question. If you could design your own birthday ritual, your own birthday from scratch, like uh what you do, your um um what is it called? What's another word for ritual? Um routine. Routine or um tradition. Oh, okay. Okay. If you could uh uh design your own birthday tradition or routine from scratch, what would it look like?

SPEAKER_00 44:56

Got the answer for that one already.

SPEAKER_03 44:59

I want to you already know she's been thinking.

SPEAKER_00 45:02

Oh yeah, this is this is me all day. I want to wake up on my birthday with breakfast and bed with sweet music playing. Okay, family. Look, they know uh I'm a flower girl, I love flowers, so it doesn't have to be any particular flowers, but sunflowers are my favorite. That I see flowers on that breakfast tray that's coming to me. And then I'm gonna go. The next thing is I want to go to a spa all day massage, spa, yes, facial, um, where you have the spring water and the mineral. Uh okay, look, y'all in my vision, right? Y'all look at it. Send right here. Passing you the lemonade for me that I want it to be just a relaxing day. Do the day at the spot, then I finish with a beautiful dinner with everyone that I love. That's a good birthday for me. Okay, I don't have to have not one present, but the effort that you took to make the breakfast, I don't care if it's some toast and some jelly, we're good. But the effort, yeah, the flowers, and then just the day to just relax. And then get a chance to see everybody that I love. Yeah.

unknown 46:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 46:36

Okay, that sounds good.

SPEAKER_01 46:37

I like it too. But um, the least expensive is just okay, it's just my family and friends just getting together um at a restaurant, wherever, and just having a great time. No presents, no presents, no gifts, but just having a great time. You know, tons of laughs, memory lane conversations, um, just enjoying each other's company.

SPEAKER_00 47:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 47:07

They are the present. Just them present.

SPEAKER_01 47:10

It's just their present. It's just their present. Um, now the other side is waking up again, family and friends in a different country. Oh my god, um, uh just having a great time, food, wine, um, massage, but exploring. But yeah, again, it's it's the fellowship thing. Yes. Um, it's just being with good people, enjoying each other's company, learning more about each other, learning more about the scenery that we're in, and just it's just having a great time.

SPEAKER_00 47:53

I would tell you for my 50th, we went to Hawaii and yeah, for my 50th, we went to Hawaii and it was amazing. Well no, it was my siblings, my parents, it was amazing. Yeah, it was amazing. I was like, my gosh, this is what I wanted everybody to do. We were all together, we experienced a luau together, we cut up together. I mean, it was just like that was like an like a good birthday. I'm like, man, that was a really good birthday. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:28

Wow. Um, for me, I personally don't care what I do like surprises. I like surprises, so that's always beautiful. But honestly, from and I I'm I'm I'm very uh selfish in this. But from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep and just be surrounded by family and friends. We don't have to do anything. Like, literally, if I woke up in my house and I heard, it could just be my husband and the kids. And from that point all the way to the evening, they were just there around me. Not necessarily not in their room somewhere, but just around me, and we were doing something together. I'm good with that.

SPEAKER_06 49:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 49:19

If I woke up and I heard my daddy in the house and I didn't know he was gonna be there, and him look, I would be like, oh my god, you know, that would be the best birthday. Like just those kind of things. If my brother and his wife and my niece was there, and just, hey, we're gonna do that. I don't care what we do, as long as they are there. And that's like, you know, I think that that would be my from scratch, and you know, I would say, I don't ask for much just for you to be there.

SPEAKER_01 49:52

So Melissa mentioned her 50th, how that was a great birthday for her. What about your 50th?

SPEAKER_04 50:00

My 50th, yes. So that was great too. I um had a surprise party. Uh so my husband, I now to this day, I don't know if it was just him, but uh I don't know if it was just him.

SPEAKER_05 50:20

I mean kids and I that was coming back on the crew.

SPEAKER_04 50:27

Yes, this is true. Well and uh they you know uh we got ready and and he had a whole event place, and when I got there, it was filled with all my friends and and and and even friends and their husbands, you know, that I haven't even met yet, and just it was just really, really elegant. And it was just um we had caterer and the and the tables were just beautiful, and just then he had those that could not come. My dad, they were on virtual there, you know. It was just it was just really that's that's he and everybody else who was a part of that because I know he couldn't have done that by himself, right? Um, it was just really great job. He did a such, he hit he did such a good job. So kudos, boo-boo. So we have about probably 10 more minutes. Um, and I have one. Okay, go.

SPEAKER_00 51:32

So is there something that you have to have on your birthday? I mean, it is mandatory for me. For and I'll say this is my husband's thing, have to have cake. You have to have a birthday cake. He doesn't feel like his birthday is celebrated without a birthday cake. And you know, for me, it's like but that's just a special thing for him. That you blow out the candles and people sing happy birthday. Do y'all have anything that is just absolutely gotta have it? If it's your birthday, that's one thing that has to happen.

SPEAKER_04 52:09

Somebody saying happy birthday. That's about it.

SPEAKER_00 52:12

Acknowledge it.

SPEAKER_04 52:13

Just acknowledge, don't don't let this day pass.

SPEAKER_03 52:20

You didn't say happy birthday to me. I when you want to you want to hurt my feelings. Oh feeling just hurt. And went to bed and say, die to me. You know.

SPEAKER_01 52:36

Now, I wanted to add about my 50th. Yes, my fifth yeah occurred during COVID. Oh, ooh. And I just met you, Andre. Oh, and I just met you, and Michaela and her dad. Remember, we went to that restaurant. Yeah, and all the ladies. Yeah, yeah, and I and I just came over in this organization too. So Michaela and her dad and Kaya was there. Um, and a couple of other friends were instrumental for my 50th. And that was a surprise. That's right. That was a surprise. Michaela found out all my friends, and I guess some of you all reached out to her with other names. And so, yeah, giving my daughter and her dad, you know, their props and her. Yeah, so yeah, went to a restaurant during COVID or yeah, well, it was COVID had just kicked off, so stuff was still open. Oh, it was smart in March. Yeah, and she was still open, but two weeks later, everything started to slowly shut down. So, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:38

Yes, that would they did a very good job. Michaela was very instrumental in.

SPEAKER_01 53:45

The cake was uh a sorority cake. Nice, it was a really nice one.

SPEAKER_04 53:48

Oh, that's right, because we took a bunch of pictures.

SPEAKER_01 53:51

Sure did, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:52

Nice, nice that's that's so sweet. Well, beautiful. Um, birthdays, birthdays, checkpoints, resets, um a redefining of yourself, um a redefining of your identity, of who you really are, right?

SPEAKER_01 54:14

And being fine with it.

SPEAKER_04 54:16

Yep, so um I would say, and then if you guys have any other uh uh takeaways for those that are listening, what would your younger self say or think about your older self today? What if your younger self was going to write down characteristics, what would they be? And what would you want them to be? And whatever those, and then like pick maybe two or three of those things and then maybe hang them up or something and begin to speak that into your life, like speak life into that, you know. I love how I feel when I'm this way. I love the fact that I'm this way, you know, and begin to walk that thing out. What about you guys?

SPEAKER_00 55:05

I agree, and and also just live in the moment, don't make life too heavy that you can't live it. That power live your best life, and it's not about money, it's not about fame, it's not about stuff, it's just about being loved. Live your best life now. Because you mentioned it earlier.

SPEAKER_01 55:32

Tomorrow is not promise, and stop comparing yourself to other people. This is your life. Yeah, live and enjoy your life.

SPEAKER_00 55:41

You got this, yeah. And if nobody else celebrates you, celebrate yourself.

SPEAKER_04 55:48

Wait, yeah, that might be a traditional thing. I celebrate myself. I still want somebody to say happy birthday to you.

SPEAKER_02 55:58

Girl, what's today's day? You forgot? Oh, okay. Begins with happy. Last part is birthday. Well, thank you again for joining us. Um, continue to uh meet us here at Her Presence.

SPEAKER_04 56:18

Um, share, uh subscribe, and uh like. Thank you so much. See you next time.