Celebrating Other Women: Overcoming Comparison, Self-Doubt & Learning to Celebrate Yourself

Andrea Wormley, Melissa Benson, and Kelli Moorer discuss why women sometimes struggle to celebrate other women and how insecurity, comparison, envy, modesty, and lack of self-celebration can contribute. They share how celebration can be as simple as articulating encouragement, offering compliments, checking in to show someone they’re seen, and honoring friendships that provide truth, prayer, and support. The conversation addresses how social media can fuel self-doubt through curated “wins,” leading to petty or ungenuine responses, and emphasizes focusing on your own journey, shifting from competition to community, and viewing others’ success as inspiration. They highlight celebrating small wins—like overcoming driving anxiety—being mindful about who you share goals with, and practicing self-care and personal celebration as part of growth.

00:00 Welcome and Subscribe

00:44 Why Women Struggle to Celebrate

02:06 Unspoken Signals and Perception

03:29 Celebrate Yourself First

05:48 Modesty and Owning Wins

09:47 Compliments That Change Days

12:13 Seeing People Beyond Praise

12:59 Social Media Comparison Trap

16:42 Petty Comments and Self Doubt

20:13 Sisterhood Models and Real Friends

24:15 Fear of Celebrating Too Soon

26:53 Small Wins and Sharing Carefully

29:19 Resilience Behind The Scenes

30:00 Put Naysayers To Work

30:38 Quiet Until Delivered

31:54 Perception And Self Reflection

33:31 Dreams Need The Right Circle

34:53 Celebrate Yourself Too

38:09 How To Celebrate Small Wins

39:43 Real Life Small Win Stories

43:13 Joy In The Building Journey

48:16 Practical Celebration Ideas

49:25 Final Takeaways And Wrap Up

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Because I grew up in a household of modesty. So I have to break that and realize it's okay to celebrate. You changed her whole day just by saying that to her. And sometimes we have to remember that just by whatever we see, complimenting, celebrating in the moment. Because you don't know what the person might have gone through before they left the house, in the house, on the way to, wherever they were going through. But it's taking that moment to celebrate that moment, yeah. Yes. Because the world does so much to beat us down and say what we're not. When we take the time to just celebrate each other, it does something.

SPEAKER_04 0:54

Shift from the mindset of competition to one of community. Um seeing other successes as inspiration. Okay, inspiration. I'm an she can do it, I can do it. And I am Andrea Wormley, my co-host Melissa Benson, my co-host Kelly Moore. Um, and again, we're so glad that you're joining us. Make sure that you subscribe on YouTube. Subscribe on YouTube. We need you to do that like right now and share that out with people that um you know will be touched by the things that we talk about. Um, make sure you like, um, and all those special things. We are on the on your major podcast platforms and we are on um your social media um platforms. Okay, so today we're gonna talk about celebrating other women. Um and and we're also gonna talk about why that doesn't happen. Why is it seems like maybe uh there's not um why do we struggle with that? You know, and we've seen it, I'm sure you've seen instances um in your s in in your life where uh women don't celebrate each other. Um and so we want to talk about that on today. And you know, right before um we uh uh started to record, I had asked a question, do you guys know of a story or a situation? Um and and and it was thrown back to me. Do you have one? And I'm like, you know, I really I I'm sure that I do, but I really couldn't think of one because I feel like I'm just so oblivious of um those kinds of things. And I wonder, because now that I'm saying that, has there been a time when someone felt that they weren't celebrated by me because I don't even think of those things? Um I you know, I don't think about things like a lot of things until it's sh it's pointed out to me. Like, you know, you you came into the place when I was a um, I remember I was a young adult and I walked into this place, you know, I would walk into um um, you know, uh work or whatever. And one day someone said to me, You don't ever speak, you just come in and and then when you leave, you don't say bye, you know, and and they considered that as being rude. Now I didn't, I wasn't trying to be rude. I, you know, I'm coming in and get my stuff done and and leave, you know. I got other things I need to do, but it was landing as if I was rude, and that was the perception. Um, and I didn't want that. You know, once that was pointed out, I definitely didn't want that. You know, where's the honor of friendship and relationship? Right. So I beg now that I knew I was focused on that. And so it's and it was genuine. It wasn't like it was like robotic. I can't, hey y'all. You know, in my mind, I was like, yeah, I do need to say hey. That might be why folks don't say hey to me. You know, but I I wonder if it's the same thing. Also, I I am concerned, but when we said that we were gonna kind of talk about this today, it really just made me think, do women feel celebrated by me? And then I feel like you said something about you you put a spin on it.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

Yeah, I said that um many times we don't celebrate ourselves. So then it could become very common because we go through different phases and different achievements and different things, and we don't take the time to live in that moment because we're so busy and we're doing this and we're doing that that we don't take time to smell the roses and celebrate that moment that it's very easy to overlook celebrating someone else because you don't even do it for yourself.

SPEAKER_04 5:34

Yeah. Wow. Wow. Um so and then I know that sometimes we see like um insecurities that could be coming into play. Um you're comparing yourself, um maybe envy, maybe you're feeling like you know, maybe I should be further along than what I am, and then you see someone who is that's the same age as you and that does something to you. Great. And so then there's no celebration there. Yeah. What's your thoughts on that? I know that um you had a couple of comments earlier.

SPEAKER_03 6:15

Well, you know, I I find it it's easier to celebrate my friends and their wins um because I'm excited for them. And I know the milestones and I know what it took them to get there. And so um I like a party anyway. So anytime that we can, you know, get together and celebrate, you know, many times even in our podcast, we've, you know, we know what you did, you know, and um you play it off. And that's not nothing to play off.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:46

You know, having that doctorate's degree is is very serious.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

But do you see that's how it goes into play? We don't celebrate, we don't take the time to celebrate ourselves.

SPEAKER_04 6:56

That it is it's uncomfortable. It seems like it may be uncomfortable too, because it's not something that you normally do.

SPEAKER_00 7:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 7:04

Cause you said she, because I've I can understand that, you know. Well, you do this, this, and this. Like, okay. So anyway, what we were saying was like talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 7:15

It's not that you're blow blowing off. It's many times we and I I can't say many times we, I would say, for me, I don't like attention.

SPEAKER_03 7:26

Yeah, I can't.

SPEAKER_00 7:27

I don't like being in the spotlight.

SPEAKER_03 7:29

I get it.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

That's just who I am. But do I mind celebrating if it was you? I'd be like, girl, let's throw a party. I want to let's do this for you. So it's right, right. It's so easy to celebrate for me everybody else.

SPEAKER_01 7:46

Right.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

I can throw the biggest party for everybody else, but sometimes I kind of shy away from the spotlight. And where does that come from? Because I grew up in a household of modesty. So I have to break that and realize it's okay to celebrate me. Right. And it's not being uh vain, it's not being, oh, I'm all this and that. No, it's just taking a moment and being grateful.

SPEAKER_03 8:20

So, did you do anything when you graduated and got doctor? I went to dinner. I went to dinner. Okay, when am I going to dinner?

SPEAKER_00 8:29

Which is okay. I did celebrate. I did celebrate. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:33

All right. Well, at least you did something. Yes. I mean, you know, but probably got to do something more. Because that's a big honor. That's a big honor.

SPEAKER_05 8:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:40

Yeah. It's funny you you have people who are like, look at me. I have this and I have that, and are offended if you don't see it. Or you don't say something and say probably the ones that say they don't need to celebrate me. Yeah. And then you have the modest ones, and then you have people like me, it's like, because you could say something like, um, such and such, um, had this happened to them. What that is, and like in my mind, I'm like, that is like all these um explosions are happening. I am too happy for her, but you don't see it come out of my mouth.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:21

It may not come out of my mouth, yeah. But I'm thinking it right. I may, and it, you know, I may be looking at you and thinking, that is a beautiful, whatever, whatever, or I really love, and it does not come out of my mouth. I'm not articulating it. And for me, that's when that for me, I have to, that's what I focus on. Like I check myself, like, let me say this, let me, you know, um make sure. Did I tell her? I remember one time we were talking about how um uh when we were meeting each other um really for the first time, and I re and and one of us was like, I didn't even get to hug such and such. And felt so bad about it. And I'm not sure like where that came from, but I, if it was me, it would be like because I'm focused on that. I it used to be a time when maybe people felt like I wasn't embracing them, and I want people to feel that way, right? And so now you're focused on it, and it's like, I didn't even, and now you're feeling bad. Oh my god, I didn't even show her how much I was so glad to see her or whatever, right? So I don't, I mean, I'm sure there are insecurities out there, and I I know it is, I know there's some comparison, comparison out there. I know there's some negative things that are said because that's what has been taught, or maybe the language in the household. But I also feel like when you are someone that is not um my insecure, I don't, I'm not insecure, but my issue is I need to articulate, yeah, or I'm not insecure, but the thing that I need to focus on is not being so modest with my own self so that it can bring out other things, right?

SPEAKER_00 11:13

You know, yeah, um, so you know, um I I my my husband told me something one time. He said we were walking and I saw this young lady, and I just I stopped and I was like, You are so beautiful. And it it was just because she was, she was absolutely gorgeous. And I was like, you belong on somebody's magazine, you are a gorgeous girl. And we walked away, and he said, You changed her whole day, period. You changed her whole day just by saying that to her, and sometimes we have to remember that just by whatever we see complimenting, celebrating in the moment, because you don't know what the person might have gone through before they left the house, in the house, on the way to wherever they were going, but it taking that moment to celebrate that moment, and you say, Well, giving her a compliment that's celebrating her, yeah. Yes, because the world does so much to beat us down and say what we're not when we take the time to just celebrate each other, it does something. Yeah, it does something, it changed probably changed our whole day, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:33

You know, and and um I also my goal is to be just to be more sisterly. She's looking at me like, come on, let me hear, let me hear. It's to be more sisterly. And sisterly can be, I just meet you for five seconds and that's it. But just like you said, we even saw that uh last week. This girl, she was beautiful, tall, the big fro with the gorgeous hat, and was strutting and a wee girl, you know, just a young uh young lady, but she looked fantastic. And you like you said, you never know that compliment could have been what that person needed that day. We don't know how they got up out of bed, you know, and it doesn't take much. It's it's free to give out a compliment. Yes, and so not only does it do wonders or maybe something for that person, but it also shows that you're a kind person too, you know, that you don't have to keep niceness to yourself. So um, yeah, being kind is always a good thing.

SPEAKER_04 13:38

And I I and the compliments are needed. Yeah, yeah. I also agree that I also I wonder if we agree if celebrating someone means also means that you see them. Like they need enough that you see them, right? Yes, and so compliments are important, but to be able to look at you and say, you okay? Mm-hmm. All right, okay, know that I'm here. And you might be like, nah, I'm good, but in your mind, like, ooh, I might say because I see you and you're important to me. That's in a celebration, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Um, so self- uh self-doubters. So what are your comments on that? Uh, because I feel like there's a lot of and I know that goes into like the comparison, but the self, the self-doubters, if I can say it, the self-doubt doubters, how can how does that contribute to not being able to celebrate?

SPEAKER_00 14:50

When we look at social media, I think social media makes it because whether you're on let's let's talk about this whole Facebook thing.

SPEAKER_04 15:00

Not Facebook. Social media is. Oh, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

Social media isn't myself with Facebook.

SPEAKER_02 15:06

I'm still trying to get over that Facebook. No, but only certain groups through Facebook.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

That's what my kids told me all the time. Nobody's on Facebook.

SPEAKER_02 15:18

Don't forget what you have to say.

SPEAKER_04 15:25

Listen, we was we were in church and the pastor was talking about how uh, you know, you need to focus on, he was saying focus on Jesus and you know, and this. And he was saying, you know, you gotta get off of these things that are a distractor and this, that, and the other. You need to get off of Facebook. And Josh, my son turned to me and he said, Oh, he's talking to you, Bobby.

SPEAKER_02 15:46

You talking to you, I need to talk about us because he said Facebook. It's like YouTube.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

Anyway, okay, social media. But there is so much comparison, right? Because no one is putting their true struggles on there, they're putting their my trip to Paris, my trip to Mills, and I'm living my best life over here. I just did this. And so we're all there celebrating, but it also causes comparison. And that's when the self-doubt comes in, and that's when the a lack of self-worth because my gosh, they're doing all of these things. And yes, I'ma celebrate them, but what about me? I haven't achieved this, I haven't done this, I don't own this, I don't have that. And that's when we start, people start feeling low. And when you start feeling low, that's when doubt comes in.

SPEAKER_04 16:51

A known collar.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

Sorry. And so that's when I feel the issues start to appear. And then it makes it hard if I don't feel where I'm supposed, I'm supposed to be. We're the same age and you're doing all these things, and I haven't achieved that. I feel I'm off course. It's the I failed. Or but you don't know. Yes, they might be in Paris today, but you don't know what they went through to get there.

SPEAKER_04 17:19

So And they may be in Paris, Arkansas, but get it.

SPEAKER_02 17:22

Okay, but context is okay. All right, that credit card is matched out for that photo, for that photo, you know, that facade photo.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

And so you can, we gotta get rid of the comparison. It it's it's a killer, a dream killer. You will you are I believe this, you're exactly where you're supposed to be. And if you're not where you wanna be, you have an opportunity to get there right now, today, yes, today, today.

SPEAKER_04 17:54

That's good. Yeah, that is really good. It's good. But you know, we and I was like, they may be in Paris Actile, or they really may be in Paris. Yeah. Okay, good. Celebrate that, like, oh, I'm gonna get there one day.

SPEAKER_03 18:05

And it took them years to get there, but they're there. You know, it wasn't an overnight figure.

SPEAKER_04 18:09

You know, you don't know what you know the journey they went to through through. It, you know, um the self-doubters when they get to that place where you get so low, you can't have anything that nothing comes out of your mouth that is positive. And so when you are trying trying to celebrate someone, it's not coming out as celebration. Right. It comes out like well that's good for you. This this is good for you. Things always are working out for you. That's good. I'll be glad when we can get there. Yeah, it comes out like that, and now even though you're trying to celebrate, the other part if I said that to you, can't even celebrate with me. I can't celebrate. No, you can't celebrate now. You feel like I'm making her feel bad if I continue to talk about what this good thing that happened to me. Right. Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Um, and you become petty patty though. Yes. You become petty. You're you're you're not celebrating the person, you're being petty. Yeah. If you can't genuinely say, I'm so happy for you, girl, you did that. Genuinely. Yes. Yeah. Instead of saying, What, you know, comments like, oh, what, how long did it take? It took you about 10 years.

SPEAKER_04 19:42

Well, how much more weight you gonna lose?

SPEAKER_00 19:48

Those, it it doesn't come from a genuine place. Oh no, not a good place. Oh, don't don't put the little on it.

SPEAKER_02 19:57

The little play none exists, now let's just live.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

Yeah, that's not paying anybody.

SPEAKER_04 20:24

And you know, and what's what's um, and then what happens is when you have a self-doubter is, or if I'm a self-doubter, what happens is you're always wondering why people won't tell you anything. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 20:41

Why invite you, or yeah, but just invite you, or it, you know, they don't tell you, like you find out from someone else that this big thing happened. It's like, why they didn't tell me? And that adds to the self-doubt, right? Because they didn't even tell me. Because if they told you, now you're comparing and they don't want you to feel bad, but then there are these words that come out also, and that's not what we are that's not what we're supposed to be talking about.

SPEAKER_00 21:10

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_04 21:11

So I the celebration part is or it makes them even feel bad. Yeah, yeah. Right. And I think we started out today talking about it's really a personal thing. It's really not the other person. It's like as as we were saying, and why is that? Why do we say that? Yes, um, wow. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 21:35

Um, so I have an example of I of women who I think celebrate each other. Okay. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 21:48

Let me hear, let me hear, let me hear.

SPEAKER_00 21:49

So I I do, and I I love their friendship, and y'all are gonna be probably like, oh, when I say who it is. But when you look at Oprah and Gail, oh yeah, I love. There, I don't don't know the back behind the scenes because I don't know them personally. But for Oprah to have achieved all the things that she's done, and her number one girl is right there. Her sister is with her. And brought her along. Right there. And not only am I here, but girl, you got a seat at the table too.

SPEAKER_03 22:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

No matter what it is, whatever she's doing, you're gonna see something with Gil did something with it. That's true. And to me, that sisterhood, that's celebrating each other. And then it's relationship. Yeah, it's relationship. And so I think we all have to get to a point where we, I mean, not that they're the model, but just in the sense of really loving each other as sisters, celebrating you for what you've done and achieved. And then the one who's being celebrated, saying, I didn't make it by myself, girl. We in this together. You have worked with me, you've been there, you've seen my struggles, you know what I went through to get here. Come on, you can rock with me. We're doing it together. That's a good one.

SPEAKER_04 23:13

Yeah. I um I know people. Um I have always had, you talk about friendship and and even celebrating that type of friendship, right? Yes. Um I all my life I've only had, I can count my just really, really close friends on my on this hand right here, right? Um and when I think about so I have a lot of friends, but when I say that kind of friendship that you're talking about, where I can pick up the phone at 3 a.m. and call you and don't care if you're upset about me, Kylie. Okay, you know, like that is like you've crossed the bridge where um I used to be, I think I said this in another episode. I I used to be, oh, who is that at my door? I can clean up my house and now I don't care, right? But back then there were certain friends that could come over and again regardless, regardless, you know. Come on over. I come over here, just push that over. Move it, move it.

SPEAKER_03 24:22

If you want a rag, here's a rag.

SPEAKER_02 24:23

You clean it.

SPEAKER_04 24:25

Those friends, and then you have friends that maybe you don't talk to all the time. It may be four or five months. Yes. And then you pick up the phone and you start talking, and you say, so anyway, what I was saying about it. Right, right, right, right. I can't remember. Can I tell you? Okay, yeah, let me all the way up, right? Those friends, um, friends that will pray with you, friends that will tell you the truth.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

Yes, you gotta have the friend that's gonna tell you the truth. You have to.

SPEAKER_04 24:56

That will tell you the truth in a lovingly manner, in a loving manner, or know when, like can watch and know when too. Okay, so but please understand we're gonna have to talk.

SPEAKER_05 25:08

Yeah, yes, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 25:11

You know, or to me, you you are you shouldn't have said that, or that was a little bit too hard, or be careful about this, or whatever, and you know, the that celebrating that kind of friendships. Yes, yeah, yes, and I think that those are important to have in your life.

SPEAKER_03 25:27

Oh yeah, oh my gosh, absolutely, absolutely compliment who you are as a person which you gravitate to.

SPEAKER_04 25:32

I think so. Yeah, I think so. Absolutely, it compliments, it's a celebration of your own self, also. And um, yeah, I think so. Yeah. Um, I was reading something, and I'm gonna read it, and y'all tell me what you think. All right, so we we often don't allow ourselves to be fully happy because we fear that celebrating today's successes might make us vulnerable to disappointments if things go wrong tomorrow. What's your thoughts on that? It's hard to celebrate, or we don't want to point out the celebration or the success of today because it'll make you the thought is it'll make you vulnerable to disappointment when things go wrong.

SPEAKER_00 26:26

Anyone ever so in that situation I feel like you I always hear people say, and and I do this, I move in silence. You I you won't know, uh I do. You you won't know until it's done because I need prayer to get through it. Because it's it's it's um, I don't like to pre-celebrate. I I it's on my board, it's something that I want to do, it's a goal, it's an aim. Um, but in the journey, I'm focused on the destination. And I realize that's something that I can have joy in the journey. In the journey. In the journey. And it and it and it's but I there's a fear of the dream killers because if I tell you I'm doing this, oh, where you at? I thought you was doing this. Oh, you ain't got that done yet. Blah, blah, blah. So you it's it's and and people may mean well. I mean, they mean well, they're not doing it to be uh mean or ugly. They just want to know. But at the time or maybe they are. Okay, yeah, you're right. So it's I think that's why we don't um tell everything. Yeah, we don't just we just don't put it all out there. And because two, have you met people who are constantly telling you all they've done or all they've achieved? I'm working on this and I got this and I'm doing this. And I mean, I'ma celebrate you, I'm happy for you, but it's like, okay, all right. Uh some people can overshare. So they can overshare.

SPEAKER_02 28:13

Because I know somebody like that.

SPEAKER_03 28:15

So, you know, and it's kind of funny because you know, now here when you said that, I'm here sitting here making a face, like it's just too much. Yeah, always, always, always. You know, back to your question and um hitting on your answer as well is that I had I actually had to start having those little wins. They don't have to be big, right? But just a little celebration, a pat on the back, a glass of orange juice. I don't know, but uh uh celebrating that little win because that was what was encouraging me to keep going. Right. Versus going through it and then not, you know, now you're exhausted and am I going the right path or the right journey? But having those little small wins validates that I'm on that right journey. Um, but at the same time, you got to be careful who you have those conversations with too and who you share those dreams with. Because, like you said, you can have some people that are naysayers or dream killers, and it can it can definitely derail you from what you're trying to accomplish. So I'm very careful in who I share what I'm doing because I do want an accountability partner, but not one that's me.

SPEAKER_02 29:30

It's taking me off what I'm trying to focus. You ain't got there yet. Oh, I ain't got there yet. But you did this wrong. Exactly. So that's it, you know, that's what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_04 29:42

You ain't there yet? No. I'm not, but you know, uh, gosh, and I'm on the other end of that, which you said I I want people to know because um one, it is accountability. I already know whether you're a naysayer or not, you're gonna come and you're going to remind me. So where y'all at? I thought you said you were gonna and I for me it helped it's accountability because I know it's gonna happen. But also for me, it helps me practice my authentic, my authentic self. Like this, instead of hiding um the thing, the journey, like the hard thing, or man, yeah, I thought it was gonna happen here, but you know, we're just hiding it or whatever, it's making me walk it out. Like, well, what you know what? Um, so financially we had to wait, you know, like and I feel like some people don't want to talk about the financial, like because I want you to know that I'm you know, I thought y'all had everything. Girl, please. Let's chase. Okay, you know, in this area, you know. Um, and it I and for me, I feel like whether they're naysayers or not, it helps the person that may have overheard it if they're the naysayer, you know. Like, oh, okay, wow, you know, I always feel like we talked about we had an episode about resilience. You know, she's the picture of this or he's the picture of this. You don't know what's happening. You only just see after I put the makeup on and comb my hair and put, but you don't know when I go back and how I have to pray, Holy Spirit, help me, you know, with this. You don't know, right? But when a person asks in the journey and you hadn't made it there, okay, so this is what's happening. You know what? You can help us just out. I need five things. I need you to find me an engineer. Can you, you know, like put bring the if you are so interested in what's going on with me, whether you be a naysayer or not, let me go and put you to work.

SPEAKER_05 31:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:49

Can you help me? Help me. You know, the other day we were talking. Can you give me, you know, I so I am like that. I'm also when you started to talk, I thought you were gonna go another way. Now, I am when something bad happens to me, I am quiet. That's when I'm not talking to people. I usually don't talk about it until, unless you're just really, really close to me. I really don't talk about it until I have been delivered from it. And then I celebrate the girl continue what happens. You know, last month I was da-da-da-da. You know what? Yes. And I because I now that's when I'm I don't want to hear the ooh, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm already feeling mad. I don't want to hear that. Right, nobody wants to.

SPEAKER_00 32:46

Right, right.

SPEAKER_04 32:47

What was the some it was a show? I'm not gonna say the show. It's what she was patting him on the shoulder and she said, um, oh man. I forgot that it, I forgot what she was saying, but she was like, oh, sorrows, sorrows. Y'all know what I'm talking about. You know what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_02 33:02

Sorrows. I want to hear that. Right, exactly. I I do not need to bring me down.

SPEAKER_03 33:08

Exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 33:09

I need some.

SPEAKER_03 33:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 33:14

Celebrate today so I can bring, get off of this, you know, get out of this valley that I'm in, at least mentally. I am all I'm always, I just feel throughout life, it is not the thing that is happening to you. Oh no. It's your perception of it. Come on. Yes, I'm gonna be able to do that. And that is what's causing you to be in a place where you can't celebrate, right? In a place where you can't celebrate others. It is, and I know that there are traumatic things, whether they be big or small, that happened down, you know, and they kind of, if they're small, they kind of nickel and dine their selves up to where you are today. But I would say that we all, all of us, even though I feel like I do celebrate, there we never arrive. Right. Right? We're not perfect. All of us to just constantly just kind of examine ourselves and be open to how people point out stuff. You know, like, you know, kind of eat it, eat the fish and spit out the bones. Like, okay, but what are they really saying? Uh there was a situation where we had talked to someone and they took you one way and they took me one way, right? And even though it was one of those things where, you know, we're not gonna worry about that. I still thought about that. Like, what can I take from that? Right, what can I do? Right? What about that do I need to take and just kind of learn from it, right? Because I I I think celebrating ourselves and celebrating others is understanding who you are. Exactly. Right, right. Exactly. Right, exactly. And in your dynamics and the way that you move through life and in relationships.

SPEAKER_00 35:00

And I agree with you. So when I'm saying, for example, let me give this example about the doctorate. Me doing that, I didn't tell everybody because I didn't want to hear you got all them degrees. What do you need with another degree? What you gonna do with it? And you wanna say back to it. And I'm like, I don't want to hear that because the circle that I'm around, they got double doctorates. So sometimes some of the people you are communicating with can't see the dream and the vision because they're just not there. It doesn't make it wrong. Right, this is true. But if you are in circles that are doing X, Y, and Z, even when we're talking about our dreams. If I was to say the co family compound, not everybody's gonna receive that. Why do you want to do that? Why do you want to be with your family? Right. How are you gonna afford that?

SPEAKER_03 35:52

I'm trying to see that you can give me a little spot over there in that compound.

SPEAKER_00 35:56

Well, you have to be with people who I know. If you want to be better, you gotta hang around. If you are the smartest one, as they say, if you're the smartest one in your circle, you are in the wrong circle. You're gonna find the next circle. And I've had to learn at over 50 something that this, I'm okay being extra Melissa, because that is who I am. I'm gonna celebrate you extra, I'm gonna do this extra. That's just who I am. But Melissa also has to learn how to celebrate Melissa. That's the part I'm working on is celebrating Melissa. Because I don't mind celebrating everybody else.

SPEAKER_03 36:44

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 36:45

But so as in life, we learn, we are growing and we're ever evolving. And finding those people who accept Melissa for all her extra, that's where I'm at.

SPEAKER_04 36:57

Because I'm still trying to figure out when we're supposed to go and celebrate your achievement. When you talk about that, we might even do that.

SPEAKER_02 37:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 37:08

We might need to go to Fredericksburg.

SPEAKER_00 37:10

No, no, no. We've got some hidden gems that we got. No, we might need to go to Fredericksburg.

SPEAKER_04 37:15

Listen, let me tell you about celebration. It's always an opportunity. You always take go somewhere to whatever. It's an approach. It's a whole year. It's a whole year. It's a reason to do some fun things. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 37:29

Yeah. So don't ever let people tell you what you can't do and why you can't do it, why you shouldn't. Why are you doing that? Because it's your life. Come on. It's my life. Because I want to do it.

SPEAKER_03 37:39

And I don't have to. But it may be great.

SPEAKER_04 37:43

And I feel like also when people also understanding, like when people say a thing, actually looking beyond what they're saying and what is, you know, we said earlier, why are you saying that? Right. Um, why you have all these, this, that, and the other. You know what? Have I ever told you my testimony? Or have I ever told you my story? Yes. And they begin, because when so you talked about the compound, you say the compound. I I know for a fact I've always wanted like my family to be in one place. Y'all feel like that's wealthy, in my opinion. That's to me that's wealthy. The kids don't feel like that. I feel like it's wealthy. And when you sell it, yes, right? Yes. But like you said, some people may not like get it. But then when you even on the episode, when you begin to explain it, I can just see people saying, you know what? Yeah, you know, I some people are negative, what'd you call them? Negative Nancy's?

SPEAKER_00 38:45

Uh yeah, negative Nancy's.

SPEAKER_04 38:46

Yeah. Uh nothing against Nancy's. I look I have some beautiful Nancy's in my or petty patty. You love patties.

SPEAKER_03 38:53

Oh, you love patties. You love patties, but you know, we're both trying to be silly right now.

SPEAKER_04 38:59

Love let's love love. Love love. Um, but yes, I um but I think sometimes let me let me put some celebration into your life. Yeah. Let me give you my testimony and the reason. The reason enough. Well, you know what? I'll probably have enough when I get there. You know, someone, well, I'm not even go there because that person, I'm gonna be quiet on that one.

SPEAKER_03 39:30

Is the person in the room? Oh, okay, good. Quiet.

SPEAKER_04 39:37

Oh my gosh. So um, I so I wanted to ask another question. It's one of these questions, y'all gonna be like, uh, so so this probably should be easy. This is how do we uh we actually um you talked about celebrate uh celebrating wins, right? Um and so that we can give some takeaways or whatever. What does that look like? So that's easy. I think that's an easy one. What does that look like? How do I celebrate like small wins? Like when I make cuz because to be honest, it may be small. My win may be small to you, but it's honestly probably big to me, you know, um, to be able to um I drive every day, but there are people who are um they have anxiety about driving, right? And to be able to get from one from their house to the grocery store that is just a mile away is a it may be considered to others a small win, I mean, or something small, but to that person it's a big thing. Yeah, how do you celebrate small wins? What does that look like? I I have an example of that.

SPEAKER_00 41:08

Yeah, you said orange juice. I know orange juice. Which is me. Yeah, but I think I have a my sister. Uh we were going on a trip and she needed a passport. She is not, she does not drive on the highway, period. She she will use side roads. She does not like, especially in Texas. If you know anything about these, that construction and these big concrete, uh, I don't know, what you call these things on the road, the yeah, the dividers and all that stuff. And it's terrifying for her. But she wanted to get that passport, honey. So she drove herself to Houston and back. And to me, that was such a big win. I s and you know, and she sends me the picture of her passport, you like in the car over the dashboard. I'm like, you better go, girl. Yes. And we took time later on to just, and I sat and I told her, I said, I'm so proud of you. I know how hard it is for you to get on that highway, and you did this all by yourself. I am so proud of you. For many people, not a big deal, but for her, that was enormous. And that's how you celebrate the small wins. The things that are just seems, uh, that's not a big deal. No, for her it was. And so I wanted to make sure she understood how proud I was of her. For I said, you see that oomph that you had to get on there and make that happen? Girl, that's what I'm talking about. I'm so proud of you. Yeah. Little things like that.

SPEAKER_03 42:43

I'm I'm I'm gonna piggyback. Um, I think the furthest I've driven by myself is maybe two hours. So just recently I was in Houston. I drove by myself.

SPEAKER_00 42:55

See, see, mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 42:57

That was something I wanted to go see my friends. I'm gonna be honest with you. I was terrified. I'm like, why are you terrified? But I've never driven one three. And that was actually, it took me four and a half hours because the time that I left here, there was so much construction and all. It should have been a two hour and 30 minutes, but the construction is what it made it longer and longer and longer. Um, even going 90 miles an hour on the highway. But um I was, but to get there, you know, follow the instructions and to get there safely and even come back, that was a milestone for me. Yeah. Um, I actually felt good. I said, I didn't need a man, I didn't need anyone, you know, to help me, you know, kids. Um, you know, travel that distance. But yeah, I I was not looking forward to I wanted to see my friend, but I wasn't looking forward to that travel by myself.

SPEAKER_00 43:51

But it was a win.

SPEAKER_03 43:52

Um great prayers that were answered by girl.

SPEAKER_04 43:58

That's so Um, so yeah, those are ways to celebrate and congratulations to you. Thank you. Thank you. Listen, that's an opportunity to go eat something. You can go somewhere. Yeah. Celebrate.

SPEAKER_03 44:12

That is true.

SPEAKER_04 44:13

That is true.

SPEAKER_03 44:14

It's always food. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:16

Do some candle making. Just light up for the Houston draft.

SPEAKER_03 44:21

Girl, you know, okay. I'm doing candles right now. I'm doing candles right now. So I'm trying to get my my one perfect one. Right.

SPEAKER_04 44:28

Yeah. Wow. Um small wins are just uh examples of small mini. Uh okay, you know what? Here's a celebration. I'm excited about it. We just found out that we well, it's a it's a but it's still a celebration because we made it to we're at this point. Okay. You're gonna be like turn the uh to a celebration. We know that we weren't even last year, so that's true. Um, we just found out that we need to get an engineer to make plans before we can do anything to the building.

SPEAKER_02 45:06

Well, but that's a step forward. Uh how much is that?

SPEAKER_04 45:17

So we have to give it to me, it's okay. It's the joy, it's the journey, joy in the journey. I haven't ever done that before. It's the in the journey, the joy is I've never done that before. I've heard of it. Yes, I've heard of it, I've heard of it being expensive. But it's okay, but I've never been a part of that. Exactly. You know what I'm saying? Exactly. So I and I'm being honest, like at when they first I was sitting there like with our uh the our consultant, and I was like, in my mind, I was like, but I was like, this, okay.

SPEAKER_02 45:55

So now we gotta get a hand in there.

SPEAKER_04 45:57

You know, but you're almost there. And I kept thinking what he said, you're almost there. It's he says, it sounds like a lot, but really it's just gonna be just like this. Just stuck it that in. Okay, so that that is it really is, y'all. After that, my husband and I, we went to the building, we were just kind of looking around and saying, okay, this is needed because we want to do it right. There are a lot of pay people who don't right, yeah. They just say, we know what that looks like, and they cut that corner there and just gone in there, they don't even have to know that we're doing stuff, but we want to do it right because of the type of people that's going to be coming into that place and the type of ministries and the and the type of training and the things that are going to be said, and how can you say these things and you cut in corners? Right. And how can you say these things and you did the wrong thing, right? Right. Um, and so I feel like it's all about how can you talk about integrity and you not walking in a place, right? So it's just like, okay. And so we started to call the engineers and getting quotes. And it's like, okay. And it's one of those things, celebration also is I know I need it. Yeah. So let me just kind of walk away so I can wrap my head around whatever it is, and it's coming back. So that that's the that's our sm that's our win. Now we need to celebrate. I I wouldn't mind celebrating that. So that food?

SPEAKER_05 47:26

Is that food?

SPEAKER_04 47:27

Food. Now Jamaica.

SPEAKER_03 47:31

Not now. Okay. She said Jamaica. No, but but did you hear how we how we responded uh like to your situation? Uh uh. But it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay, you know, versus girl, you know. You know, we know it's gonna be wonderful. Yes, right when those doors open.

SPEAKER_04 47:58

Well, like I've been the thing. Yeah. You know, I remember when I first told you that we purchased this building, and I I I can't remember if I did cry or I was about to cry, and I was like, oh my God. It's a dream. That was your dream.

SPEAKER_00 48:17

Huge.

SPEAKER_04 48:18

Actually, finally got the building for the coffee shop. We've been talking about this for years, right?

SPEAKER_03 48:25

Right. You know, and so I don't know if you cry, but you can cry right now.

SPEAKER_04 48:29

No, I'm pretending that to because I got my sparkles on.

SPEAKER_03 48:32

Oh, you have to sparkle someone. No, no, but but it's been almost a year since I've been in the building. And um, or maybe not not that long, but y'all have come a long way. Yeah, we've seen the pictures, y'all come a long way.

SPEAKER_04 48:46

I've come a long way, and so I'm I'm excited about that. So I am excited. I mean, and I'm excited to tell people about it. And I know that uh where we thought it was gonna be a short term, you got short-term gains and long-term gains. Come on, yeah, come on, and each of them long-term is taxed a little lower than the short term. So anyway, I really thought it was gonna be a short-term game, but hi. It's a long-term game, but that's okay because in as again in the in the journey, there are things that we are learning that I know for a fact we are gonna be able to share with other people. How do I do this? Okay, I'm gonna tell you, I because I know it ain't nothing I read, nobody else told me. It's something I know. I'm not acknowledging it. I didn't, you know, I know it. So let me tell you what to do. In fact, I know some persons, a lot of persons. So, yeah, so celebrating. That's that's uh um, those are the milestones. The the milestones. And you talked about just calling someone and just telling, just stopping and telling them.

SPEAKER_00 49:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 49:58

We talked about going out and eating, drinking the orange juice, drinking the orange juice. But you know what? Going and picking up a card, a greeting card, and just sending it. And like just writing it. When was the last time in this day and time? Right, have we done that? Or even write a letter, you know, and just sit and then they get it, and it's just like, whoa, that is so thanking for it. I just did that.

SPEAKER_03 50:23

Yeah, for my the wonderful, beautiful gifts. And so I made sure that we sent it was a lot of thank you cards, but it was it was, yeah. And I know how people, when I receive them, I know how I feel. Yeah, you know. Oh, you took the time, yeah, you know, not an email, not a text, but you actually took the time to write it.

SPEAKER_04 50:42

Yeah, well, we are I just looked up at the time. Oh my goodness. You know, this was good, obviously. Okay, so really quick, maybe about two more minutes, maybe. Um so I I did uh uh have some a couple of things and uh any other uh takeaways that you guys want to give them, uh give the people focus on your own journey, which will help decrease any jealousy or comparison. Just focus on your own journey. Focus there, shift from a mindset of competition to one of community, yes. Um, seeing other successes as inspiration. I was gonna say inspiration. Rather than a threat. I'm a threat to you. I'm an if she can do it, I can do it.

SPEAKER_03 51:34

Yeah, if you're gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_04 51:34

Oh, she's showing showing me that.

SPEAKER_03 51:37

Okay, I got somebody I can actually look at.

SPEAKER_04 51:39

Yes, yeah. They I listen, it don't have to be. I know it's not gonna be easy. It doesn't have to be a she, you don't have to look like me. If someone can do it, then I'm gonna be done. It can be done. It can be done. It can be done. Right. Right, apparently. And I know a lot of people it didn't really have the resources and they did it. Resources is not just financial, just like maybe the the uh parental support or the or the friendship support or whatever, you know. Um any other takeaways?

SPEAKER_00 52:10

Take a day every day and find a way that you can celebrate someone. Whatever that, whatever that looks like for you. Find something and then even I'm messaging for myself, find a way to celebrate you. Give, but also celebrate yourself.

SPEAKER_04 52:31

Self-care.

SPEAKER_00 52:32

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 52:34

Self-care.

SPEAKER_04 52:34

Go get your toes down. Come on, I'm all about that.

SPEAKER_03 52:39

Go buy a ring.

SPEAKER_04 52:43

Yeah, yeah, that's good. Go sit outside. Oh, vitamin D. What I'm doing for myself, starting my garden. Oh, yeah. I'm excited.

SPEAKER_00 52:53

Oh, that's awesome.

SPEAKER_04 52:54

Have y'all ever just I know I I know you have, and have you ever just walked in the nurseries that we have around in San Antonio and how it's just like yes, so inspiration. Yes, it's so inspirational. Today I'm it's hard for me to talk today. So inspirational. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:11

I'm doing tomatoes right now, and I'm doing rosemary, lemon bomb, and oregano.

SPEAKER_00 53:18

Nice.

SPEAKER_04 53:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 53:19

So we'll see how that goes.

SPEAKER_04 53:21

That's my husband to build a little thing for me. Right to have a brand.

SPEAKER_03 53:24

Oh, nice.

SPEAKER_04 53:26

It's gonna have a drawer.

SPEAKER_03 53:27

You said a drawer.

SPEAKER_04 53:28

It's gonna have a drawer, so I can put all my stuff in and put it back. Go ahead, Randy. It's gonna be cute.

SPEAKER_03 53:33

Go ahead, Randy. I told him. See, I love it.

SPEAKER_02 53:36

I love it. It's pretty good. I'd just say, what was the what was the sound? Bang. Come on, come on, come on. It works. All right, okay, so that's the end of that.

SPEAKER_04 53:50

So we can we can go on forever, right? All right, thank you so much for joining us on today. We are her presence. Please make sure you subscribe on YouTube and share and like. We are on all the major platform podcasts, platforms, and on social media. Thank you again for joining us.