Coming Home: An Adoptee’s Fragmented Memories, Identity Healing & Reclaiming a Name

In this conversation on HERpresence, Honduran-born adoptee and artist Alma Luz Sanchez Glasgow shares how fragmented pre-adoption memories and “presences” shaped her sense of safety, identity, and belonging, and how therapy helped her recognize them as genealogy and history rather than confusion. She describes growing up in a transracial adoptive family, feeling culturally disconnected, and later reconnecting with her roots through art, meditation, faith, and storytelling. Alma Luz discusses reclaiming her birth name legally in 2020, embracing multiple parts of her identity, and creating Coming Home, a reflective podcast about memory, ancestry, and healing. She also introduces her children’s book, Maya: A Life Before Adoption, and urges adoptive parents to honor a child’s heritage, noting higher risks of suicide and addiction among adoptees and the need for ongoing counseling and support.

00:00 Memories That Shape Us
00:40 Fragmented Presence
02:08 Therapy And Genealogy
03:18 Adoption And Disconnection
04:42 Calling Parts Back
07:37 Coming Home Podcast
08:09 Coffee Plantation Revelation
10:07 Reclaiming Alma Luz
14:26 Book And Art Healing
18:02 Ancestry As A Warrior
21:06 Adoption Trauma Reality
24:10 Reflective Space For Adoptees
29:20 Two Anchors For Healing
30:25 Anchor Within You
30:35 No Permission Needed
31:29 Reclaim Your Creativity
32:12 Adopted Into Relationships
33:31 Past Not Prison
34:25 Find Coming Home
35:23 Turning Junk Beautiful
36:08 Auggie And Names
41:54 Fragments And Spiritual Roots
48:39 Okay Without Answers
51:22 Takeaways And Connect
55:26 Final Thanks And Signoff

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

And it took me getting to be an adult to go to therapy to recognize that this is history. Like this is your genealogy speaking to you to remind you that you're not alone, that you are not um erased. It was like taking those parts of me that had been like shattered and put into different places in the world, that now they're just like, I'm calling them back home. I'm calling them to come home. I'm right here and we can just reconnect. So um in 2020, I decided I'm taking my name back. And when I did that, I didn't realize how empowering that was for me because it repaired part of my identity. And the warriors tell stories, and stories have to be passed down so people don't forget who they are. I think one thing is that many people don't realize the creative thing within them might be that thing that God has called them to do.

SPEAKER_07 1:25

They're actually the ones that shape you. Um so I'm a I'm a loose. Yes, ma'am. Uh tell us, okay, so so carrying these early um memories, how have they, and they're kind of fragmented is what you've told us. Um, how have they influenced your sense of self, your sense of safety, or the identity, your identity as a child, and then even as an adult?

SPEAKER_02 1:57

So the fragmented memories, um, for me growing up as an adoptee, I really didn't have the space to have conversations about my pre-adoption journey. And I didn't have any context to where these memories that felt like presences or presence with around me. I just could feel it, but I just didn't have words for it. And I would see faces, but I just didn't know who they belonged to. And they followed me throughout my life, and it was almost like a silent presence, but not really being able to have context to it. In um my childhood, it was, I think it really helped me because I didn't have anybody to really connect with in the adoptive family because um it was just a whole different dynamic. I was a different cultural identity and ethnicity than the family that raised me. So trying to connect with something that was foreign to me was really hard. But having those memories of somebody and/or some people that I felt and I could see their faces, I knew that they were related to me and I knew that they were present with me. And that really helped me throughout my journey to know that I wasn't alone. Um for a time I kind of felt like, am I seeing things? Like, what is this? Why is this here? And it took me getting to be an adult to go to therapy to recognize that this is history. Like this is your genealogy speaking to you to remind you that you're not alone, that you are not um erased, that your voice is valuable and your presence is necessary. So that it's helped me to come to a place of recognizing that my story, which I thought was erased a long time ago, has always been present with me.

SPEAKER_07 3:56

Wow. When you you thought that your story was erased, but it really wasn't. Wow. I Melissa, I know you you had a question.

SPEAKER_00 4:06

Um Yeah, so um can you share with us just a little bit of your journey, who you're on, what what are you doing today? Because I when you say your journey, yeah, you've had this amazing journey. Do you mind sharing just a little bit with us about that journey and what you're doing? Because you mentioned a lot of things. Like there's a project you're doing in the show. Yeah, there's a lot that you're doing.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

Project is my life.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

Yes. So share a little bit if you don't mind.

SPEAKER_02 4:36

So um, I was born in Anders and I was um taken to a clinic before I was adopted. So I was there for quite some time. So I wasn't with my family, I was with um people who were taking care of me there, and then I was adopted and brought to the United States and raised by a family that was not uh aligned or it didn't really did not reflect my ethnicity. So I grew up in that environment, moved to New Mexico, grew up there, which was really hard because I'm looking like a lot of the people, but I'm not speaking the language, I don't know the cultural cues. It's just really difficult. So I'm growing up in that, just feeling like I'm looking at them through a window. Like I can see all this stuff going on, but I'm not connecting to any of it. So it felt very, very disconnecting. And I felt growing up like I was very disassociated from myself. It just felt like I didn't know what it was to be me. And so I had um as an adult, I went went to therapy, and that's when I first started to have these memories actually have space to have conversations about them. It's not that they weren't there, it was they've always been present, but I just never felt safe enough. And I did not have the opportunity to have those conversations with family because even if I tried, it was just there was no connection to it. So being able to go back and just revisit those memories, those pieces of fragmented memories and just reconnect with them, it really reconnected within myself. It was like taking those parts of me that had been like shattered and put into different places in the world that now they're just like, I'm calling them back home. I'm calling them to come home. I'm right here and we can just reconnect. And the stories that they tell me are just like they're so profound because I have memories of my abuela, my grandmother. And I I didn't know her. Like, I don't know her. I don't know anything about um my birth family other than what I just reconnect with my birth mother. Um, but even then it's really hard to reconnect all that information. It takes time, but the memories that I have, it's like my abuela's here, my papi, my father, he's here. Like I can feel it all. It's all present with me. And it took therapy for me to realize that I can embrace that. I don't have to compartmentalize it anymore. I can celebrate all of that because it's me. That's part of me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 7:12

So yeah. Celebrate the mountains and even the valleys. Um, you said safe enough. So that means that there was fear. Um, there's a struggle with trusting yourself. Because we are talking about identity, also, right? So there's a struggle with trusting yourself when you have identity crisis or an identity identity, you struggle with identity, period, right? Um, how has that evolved in this journey? Because you you said now you feel safe enough. So the trusting yourself, how has that evolved through this journey for you?

SPEAKER_02 7:52

So the big thing for me was first off, therapy. Therapy helped a lot. The second thing was I asked the Lord to help my journey of healing look the way that helps me reconnect with myself. Because I've heard things like, oh, well, this is how healing's supposed to look. And it just, I couldn't fit into that box. And I asked the Lord, help me to see and to experience the way that I can receive it. And it's really been the journey. It's been a journey of reconnecting with myself. It's been a journey of um just allowing the the history to speak to me.

SPEAKER_03 8:29

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 8:30

There was um, okay, so there's this episode that's called the coffee plantation. And it's uh it goes into the history of my abuelo. And I don't know him either.

SPEAKER_07 8:43

But oh wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. There's an episode. Did you tell us what the project was called? No. Oh no, I didn't. There's a project called Coming Home.

SPEAKER_04 8:57

Coming home.

SPEAKER_07 8:58

And it's actually a podcast, actually. It's it's it's gonna start later in June.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

Trust me, I was gonna start the back.

SPEAKER_06 9:08

Okay, and so that's what it's coffee.

SPEAKER_07 9:15

Coming home. Yes, coming home. And then there's a third ep on the third episode, it's called You said third of coffee plantation. Okay, okay, so go ahead. Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 9:26

Yeah, so the coffee plantation, it really talks about my abuelo. And it's so funny because um I remember maybe in Washington State, I had taken a class, it was like a writing class, and um the assignment was to write a story. And so in the story that I wrote, I talked about this coffee plantation and it talked about like what it looked like and the father and the son and how they work together. And I didn't like I felt it in my very soul, like this was part of me, but I didn't know if it was. So it wasn't until um I started actually doing the podcast and I was talking about, I was like, oh my gosh, that that was that was my that was my um pop, my abuelo, that was part of my history because I had talked to my mommy about it and she said, Yeah, your grandfather, your abuelo, he had a coffee plantation. And I didn't know that. Like I had no idea. So the history that we carry is very real, like it can speak to us if we allow it to, and it's within our DNA. And I think that's the big thing for me is that um as an adoptee, many of us feel like our history is gone, like everything about us has been erased and it feels like an empty space. But honestly, everything that we need is within us. It's our history, our conversations, the echo of our grandparents, and you know, like just the DNA, how it carries and holds so much. I believe that if we just could reconnect with that, I think would is so valuable to bring healing to our identities.

SPEAKER_07 11:08

Absolutely. Absolutely. We name it and it is spiritual, but it also is biological, it's in our DNA, it is who you are, you can't help it. I love uh uh you bringing that up. So speaking of your journey um and how trusting yourself has evolved, and you you're mentioning your emboila and you're mentioning your mom. I met you as Alma. But now you're Alma Luz. How did that con how do those two things connect? Like you're literally, that is your name now, Amalus. Yeah. Actually, well, I'm gonna be quiet. Legally. How is that? How is it? It was le you know, I met you at as Alma, and now it's like Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:05

I've always been Amalus. It's just when I was adopted, my name was changed. So I I carried my birth name and I felt it, and I just felt like having a different name erased who I was because somebody had named me from the beginning, and that name had been taken from me. That identity had been replaced with something else that somebody expected for me. Like they ran me in a box that I I just couldn't fit. So um in 2020, I decided I'm taking my name back. And when I did that, I didn't realize how empowering that was for me because it repaired part of my identity. Jesus being able to say, Alma Luz, Lara Sanchez, Glasgow. You know, the part of me is always gonna be connected to the adoptive family. That's just not I'm not can't I can't erase it and I wouldn't want to. Right. You know, sometimes we want to erase things, but it's valuable to hold on to that too. It's good. Um, but being able to say, like, this is my name, this is who I am, all of it, like all parts of it, it's it's fully me.

SPEAKER_07 13:13

So and to hear people call you that, not just you saying it, but like when you first told me, I was like, okay. And I remember being at home, like just saying it to myself, or whenever I'm a loose, I'm a loose Sanchez, okay. And then to say it to you, I you know, I I bet even that is just kind of like, oh, yes. It's like a bomb, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:38

A healing bomb. Love it.

SPEAKER_07 13:41

I was telling you that she uh is an artist, and I know you wanted to explore that a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

I well, I want to also explore. I have this question. You mentioned Honduras. Have you gone back to Honduras? I have not. You have not. Okay. Is there any plans to go to Honduras or eventually I believe I will.

SPEAKER_02 14:03

I I feel like I will return. I have family there, so yeah.

SPEAKER_07 14:07

Okay. When you're ready, I'll go.

SPEAKER_02 14:08

Yes, yes, I was gonna say part two. Part two. Yes, we all go together.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

Yes, because I I'm hearing as you're talking about um the plantation and all of the things uh from your grandfather and all of that, uh, it it just brings to mind what that your project means of coming home and what that would mean to your journey. So I I I I can't wait to depart two on that to because even as a child, to be able to recall things that you were unfamiliar with but resignated in your soul as a part of who you are, speaks volumes that you cannot, no matter what, the past can never be erased. Yes, it is who we are. So talk to us about what the project has brought you into because you there are many facets to Amalose. So, what are the other things you have done during this amazing journey? What are some of the other things that you have kind of found out about yourself in this whole discovery?

SPEAKER_02 15:43

So I started this journey with writing a book. It's a children's book, it's called Maya A Life Before Adoption. And it's really just reflections of my childhood in Honduras before I was adopted. And it's so funny because when I put the book together, I didn't think I had that many memories. And it was only as I was doing the illustrations, because I'm an artist, um, that I really started to recognize that these are memories. Like this is inside of me. I carry this. And I started to celebrate that and say, you know what? I can make my life however I want it to look because I have that cultural root within me that I just didn't realize was there. And now it's like everything's blossoming out and it's beautiful. Um, I painted the inside of my house the same colors, colors of Anduras. And it's pretty. Yeah. It's just okay. It's Alma Lucy's house. Yeah, you look like beautiful. And it's funny because I had a friend and her um sister-in-law came over, and her sister-in-law is married to an Anduran man. And she told me as soon as she walked in, she's like, This is on the and I didn't know, like I didn't have any context to it. But when she coming out, yeah, it just it comes out of us. What is in us, yeah, out of us. And so when she said that, I was like, Oh my gosh, like I am connected to my history, and even when I thought I had lost it, it's always been in me. So yeah, it's been heal, it's been such a healing journey.

SPEAKER_00 17:15

Wow, wow. Okay, yeah, where can we find your book?

SPEAKER_02 17:19

Uh, my book is on Amazon.

SPEAKER_00 17:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:21

Yeah. Um, it's on Maya, Maya, a life before adoption, and the author is Alma Luz Sanchez Glasgow. That's me. That's me.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 17:33

Wow. Amazing.

SPEAKER_03 17:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 17:36

Wow, wow, wow. That what a radical way to heal. Yes. Uh and it's almost the opposite. Okay, so um, you know how you could smell something or you can taste something, and it's nostalgia. It's it it brings back something that you remember. But your journey in journeys of others who can relate. Sometimes a taste or smell is just a memory of something that you don't remember. It's like a fragment of like, what is this? And you kind of explained it there when it just comes out. It's like, you know, you're just putting it on your walls, you're painting it on your walls, you have little knickknacks that you've made, you have actual portraits that you've done. Um, and it's coming out, but it's not nostalgia like we remember, right? The thing happening, the event happening. It's the opposite, I guess. Um, so uh, so you often describe memories through um smell, food, art, um, and your environment. Why do you think that these uh memories hold such power in reconnecting your your identity? And I know you kind of talked about it, but go a little bit more if you if you don't mind. Like, how does that reconnect your identity, your belonging, uh, the parts of you or whoever is listening that existed before you had language or you could articulate the experiences?

SPEAKER_02 19:19

So I think about this a lot. And when I put a piece together, if it's art, if I'm um, so I recently painted a portrait of um a coffee bean. Um, it was like a little vine. And when I I don't normally title my art, but this one I said, this is gonna be my abuelo. And I feel like with my art, it talks, like it tells the story, it speaks and it tells me. Don't forget who you are. Don't forget that you have history, don't forget that your ancestry is right here with you, inside of you, speaking to you, reminding you that no matter where you're at, you are who you are. Yes, like you carry that. You carry, and um there's this, and I'll say this, there's this warrior. Every once in a while, I'll see when I go into meditation, I'll see this. Um, he's like a chief. He's got all these Quetzal feathers on his head, and he's got this armor on, and he's my ancestry. And he will let me know that you are a warrior, and warriors tell stories, and stories have to be passed down so people don't forget who they are. Yeah, and I feel like that is my responsibility, not only as being an artist and a storyteller and a publisher, but just being um somebody who carries that flame to pass on to the next generation so they don't forget and they can illuminate the pathway for the future generations themselves.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Wow. I love that. Wow. Now, as you're speaking, one of the things the question that came to mind is this is not only a message for the person who was adopted, but a message for the adopting parents that although you are bringing this beautiful baby infant child into your home, remember that there is a cultural connection that can never be erased, and it needs to be embraced so they never forget who they are, and a part of that journey is to. Make sure that they do stay connected to their root and their heritage. Because that will make them a more well-rounded and be in that healing process, I feel. What are your thoughts about that? Having your story. What are your thoughts?

SPEAKER_02 22:23

I think it's it's imperative. It's imperative for adoptive, adoptive parents to recognize that you're not just taking a child in or a baby in, you're taking in a whole family line. Like you're bringing in a whole tribe. And I think that many times adoptive parents don't realize that and don't have the tools equipable to help those children recognize that within themselves. And I I want to say this that um suicide rates for adoptees is five times higher than for the regular population.

SPEAKER_06 23:02

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 23:03

We are found at higher rates having addiction issues. You know, there's just a lot, I feel like adoption causes such a trauma that this is an epidemic that's not discussed. Because the narrative is that it's it's a gift.

SPEAKER_03 23:19

Right. Right.

SPEAKER_02 23:21

The adoption itself is a gift. The child should not be treated as a gift for human beings. But the narrative has been you should be grateful. This is a gift that somebody will want to take you, but not recognizing that you're bringing in, like I said, the tribe. Like the history of a child comes with them.

SPEAKER_06 23:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 23:39

Their bloodline comes with them. There's so many things that come with them that the the people who take them in don't recognize. And I think that's very detrimental. So it's really important to know before you decide like what is the motivation behind my me wanting to adopt. Is it because I want a child? Is it because I want a baby? Because I can't have children or whatever the reason is, but recognize that you're taking in a whole nother life that has no connection, none whatsoever genetically with you.

SPEAKER_00 24:11

Right. Yeah. That's powerful. And I think that there needs to be um a counseling built into the adoption process to ensure that parents who want to do this understand all the aspects of it so that they can not just a welcoming environment and a loving environment, but also a supportive environment of the heritage.

SPEAKER_07 24:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:48

That's good.

SPEAKER_07 24:49

And I wonder if there are um is the if if there are those type of programs or if if counseling is set up, but because it seems like it should be ongoing too, not just in the beginning, but just as we move forward, you know, for the next, I don't know, three years or five years or lifetime. Lifetime, you know, or just doing these years of the child, and then we're gonna come back when the child becomes an adolescent, and then we're gonna come back when the child is, you know, um, so yeah, wow. That was powerful. That was powerful. Uh I was um when I was thinking about just your story, um, and some of the things that we talked about before during this recording, um, you know, this is what I was thinking, or you know, when exploring identity through the lost pieces, right? Sometimes there are no answers. And that's one of the things that you were talking, uh, you had sent us, right? Um, but there's still revelation. Um, so coming home, your project, your project intentionally creates space for reflection rather than definitive answers. Um, why do you hope listeners or what do you hope listeners, especially those adoptees or those that are carrying childhood grief or those struggling with identity? Um, what do you hope that they're they will gain from sitting in this reflective podcast that you're gonna have, this reflective space. What do you hope that they're gonna gain from that?

SPEAKER_02 26:37

I'm hoping that they'll gain the confidence to start questioning and being curious about their own memories. Because I think that, like I said, we carry so much within us, but we just don't know how to step forward in that. And sometimes it's just seeing somebody else do it to be able to, oh, okay, oh, so those memories I can I can talk to them, like I can hear them speak back to me. And it's okay, I don't have to have approval from anybody for that. I can just do that. And I think for me, because my memories were so fractured, I felt like I mean, Andrea knows, like I've told her I there's times in my life I only remember, like I just black out, I have no memory. But the memories that I have, it's just like they they they still call to me. They still say, we need to have a conversation. Like it's okay. It's okay to recognize that you didn't remember this, but I'm here now and I want to show you something. That's what the memories say to me. They're just like, hey, look, you remember this? And it's I think reconnecting with that child within is so healing. It's so healing because it's like as an adult, we get so caught up in like doing adult things and we forget what it's like to have the joy of a child. And to have the joy of the child is just being so free to even mess up and be okay with it.

SPEAKER_05 28:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 28:11

Also, that didn't work. Okay, well, next let's move on, figure out what does. And reconnecting with that child within is being able to do that and have the confidence within yourself to do that and not feel like, oh, well, I failed, so now I can't do anything anymore because every time I do something, I'm a failure. Like we live too short of lives to be caught up in that anymore. I think.

SPEAKER_07 28:33

Yeah.

unknown 28:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 28:35

What um when a person, and I can even speak about even my own self, just I'm thinking about me my own self, just someone who um didn't understand my identity. Okay. And in the midst of not understanding my identity, there were decisions that I made that maybe weren't the best decisions. And now I'm like dealing with the aftermath. Um, I think even what you just said, just being okay with that, and just dealing with it. Just just deal being okay with there may not be you may not had the answers then, and now you may be dealing with the aftermath. But don't let that stop you, or don't let it um m stagnate you, um, but just keep moving forward, right? I think one of the things that we talked about this last Wednesday is um sometimes movement is just standing still and dealing with it. That's movement also. It's you know, but just make sure you're not, I think you use the word disassociating. Like, I'm gonna go over here.

SPEAKER_02 29:54

Yeah. I'm here, but I'm not really here.

SPEAKER_07 29:57

Yeah, I'm here. Like, what did you say? Oh, I didn't know what you just said, but but actually that's movement to focus on it and deal with it. And you know, having a relationship with God also just helps you in that standstill. And what do I do with it now? Because if I keep moving, that means that I because keep move, like actually, I'm gonna run, I'm gonna run on instead of dealing with a thing right now. Uh it in itself is not dealing with yeah, not dealing with it. Can you keep man? I gotta circle back because I shouldn't have I should have stayed there in the first place. I I did were you gonna say something?

SPEAKER_00 30:37

Yeah. Okay. So I'm thinking about your project uh coming home, coming home, and you have this podcast that I feel is gonna reach so many people, are going to be moved and inspired. Um what are two things if we have right now someone who is listening, who is who was adopted, what is two things you can share with them and to help them in their journey? What what are two things?

SPEAKER_02 31:14

The first thing is that your history calls you, right? It calls you and it invites you into reconnecting with yourself, right? Being able to recognize that you've never been alone. Like you've never been alone. I think that for me is huge as an adoptee. It's walking through life, it felt like I was just floating without any anchor. But the anchor has always been there. I just didn't recognize it. And I think that a lot of adoptees experience that they don't recognize that their anchor is inside of them. And the second is just to to be free. Like you can choose to take that journey. It's okay. Like you don't have to have anybody's approval. And I think that's huge. Like if I had to, if I had waited on somebody telling me, okay, now you can start to ask questions, then I might not be here right now. Like I wouldn't have this whole conversation with you. Um, because I'm just waiting for somebody to approve me when I've already been approved. So being able to listen to the stories and start to be curious about their own memories, I think is going to be so valuable for a lot of people, whether you're adopted or not, being able to recognize that, oh, I do have history there, I do have memories, or I do have, oh, that brought me joy. Like I think a lot of people don't do things creatively because they feel like, oh, it's past that, I'm past that age, or I'm too old, I'm too grown for this, I'm too young for this. So you're too grown to finger paint. Yes, I am.

SPEAKER_07 33:02

No, you're not. No, you're not. I'm too dignified.

SPEAKER_02 33:05

Yes, yeah. You might be too dignified, but you're not too old. So, I mean, just being able to be creative. Right. And I think one thing is that many people don't realize the creative thing within them might be that thing that God has called them to do. Yeah, and they don't even know because they're holding it in.

SPEAKER_07 33:22

Yeah, let go.

SPEAKER_02 33:23

Let it go.

SPEAKER_07 33:24

Yeah, let go, let go. Yeah, that's and just be you. You're talking, and I know we're talking about um adoption, and that is the journey. But man, as you were talking, I'm just thinking about just being accepted or adopted into any organization, being adopted into a friendship, being adopted into any kind of relationship. You bring your whole self, your whole history, things you know about, things you don't. People will ask you questions in a relationship, like, why did you do that? Well, I don't know. And like, I literally don't know. Or maybe you do know, and you feel like it's something that you don't want to talk about because you don't feel safe enough to talk about it, you know? Um, but as you reven with your answer to her question about what would you say to two things that you would say to adoptees, I feel like just period moving forward, let go and just be yourself. You do not need approval to deal with whatever your history is, you know, because that's who you are. That's what that's what you have on today, the 29th of whatever month. Right? Wow. Any at it seems like you had another question?

SPEAKER_00 34:49

No, as you're just talking, though, it's just as you said, we're talking about um, and it's not about uh being adopted or what, but when you think about your history or your past, it it's to me, it's remembering to we are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoner to our past, meaning all of the things that um they don't have to defeat us, yeah, they don't have to isolate us. We can move through them and work through them. And I love what you're doing to work through your your you've done a book, you're doing a podcast, you're you're using all your artistic abilities to bring all of that in to your present. And and I I love it, love it, love it. How can our listeners find you? Where are you? Where's your podcast? How can we find you? I'm everywhere.

SPEAKER_02 35:50

So currently I'm doing a soft lunch on Clubhouse for Coming Home. Um, the recordings have already been completed right now. I'm just on Clubhouse um releasing those every week. Okay. And um, you can find it. The room is actually called Coming Home. Um, I have Coming Home on YouTube, but it's under M-Publishing Services. And that will be released. All of this, the series will be released June 23rd. I have a website, um, it's ready to go, but it's not published yet. I will be releasing that on June 23rd also. And I have art that actually is connected to all of this. So once I um go live with my website, I'll have the art available for that too for purchase.

SPEAKER_00 36:38

So wow.

SPEAKER_02 36:40

And I do want to say, as you were talking, what what I saw was, you know, there's artists who take junk and they like do this thing to make it into something so beautiful. And we can look at that junk and say, how can anybody use that? But then you take the eyes of an artist and they just take that thing and they make it into something so elegant or so amazing.

SPEAKER_03 37:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 37:04

And you just don't know. Like we could look at our lives and be like, this is just junk. But what can anybody do? It has no value, no value. But if you take the creativity eye to it, and then you just build something beautiful is gonna come out of that.

SPEAKER_07 37:19

Wow, yeah. The illumination of the Lord, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Um, so Aggie. Yes, ma'am. Yeah, there's this other name that just recently actually came up. Aggie. What tell us about that? What is the def? I was what is the definition of Aggie? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:42

That's so funny. Um, I kind of feel like it also reconnects to my childhood. Well, it was a childhood name, but it's so funny because um I was at a dinner and one of your friends had asked me um if I had a nickname because she had a hard time with my full name. And I thought, uh, I don't have a nickname. But then after I left, I thought, oh wait, I do have a nickname. I just hadn't used it in such a long time because people had been calling me anything else other than my name. And so um it was just so amazing because I thought, oh, it's Augie. Yeah, because I remember in elementary school, some of the the boys would call me Augie, and that it just stuck. So I was just like, yeah, I'm gonna go back to that because that is part of who I am. Like Augie. That's just my my little nickname. So it's like I can embrace that too.

SPEAKER_00 38:29

There it is.

SPEAKER_02 38:30

Why not?

SPEAKER_07 38:32

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 38:33

No limitations.

SPEAKER_07 38:34

Names are important, they are, um, and um, and I think you know, some people are more tolerant with um how people what people call them. So I'm Andrea. I was named after my father, Andre. Um, but I am called Andrea. Andrea. Andrea. Andrea Andrea.

SPEAKER_02 39:04

So I call her Andrea.

SPEAKER_07 39:06

Andrea. Now I'll answer to them all. I I will. Um, I actually like it. It depends on who's saying it, you know, likerea. Yes, it's me. You know. Um, and then it's funny because then it in my my uh my mother-in-law, she called me Andre. Andrea, I'll answer that too. Um, but some some people name Andrea, they want you to pronounce it the right way. Some people's names, I want you to pronounce it the right way. And I think that there's a history to that, there's a reason why they're saying that, right? Um, so what and I know we've kind of talked about like name, your name is powerful, and and what people call you is is powerful. Um, just going back to I'm a loose. Um what what's your thoughts on that? Anyone, any one of you, what's your thoughts on like how important it is for people to call you who you are and and how does that connect to your identity? And how does it shape who you are, right?

SPEAKER_02 40:15

I think personally, um we gotta take into consideration that culturally too, people don't say your name the same way.

SPEAKER_00 40:23

Right.

SPEAKER_02 40:24

It's just what it is. And if we're so stuck on somebody saying it this way, then you're limiting yourself from being able to receive another culture. And that that's detrimental. I feel like I'll if you call me alma loose, that's cool. If you call me al Malus, that's fine. If you call me Agi, that's fine. I I'll answer. I don't really like being called Alma. Um, I feel like that's part of my past, but I give grace also to people who call me that because I'm like, well, they don't know me, so it's fine. I used to know you like that. Yeah. The woman formerly known as Alma, who's now Alma loose. Um yeah. So I just feel like we should be able to embrace at all, like if I have a challenge saying your name because culturally I want to say Andrea, why is that? Why should that be a problem? Like, I feel like we should be able to be culturally inclusive, not divisive.

SPEAKER_07 41:28

I and I think that that's good what you just said, because it goes back to when you are adopted into a relationship, your whole history comes with you, right? And so the relationship you're entering should accept it all, right? Should be and show grace, if need be, or whatever, or understanding. Um, yeah. What's your thoughts?

SPEAKER_00 41:57

Well, I love that we have all these different perspectives, yeah. Isn't it beautiful? We all have a different mindset and view on things, and that I think that's the beauty of coming together as a people that we all bring our unique perspectives into a space and we accept it all. Um, I never thought about it from that perspective of the cultural aspect of getting a name correct or saying it correctly. So I love it. I love it. I think we all have to embrace one another and embrace the positive, see everything with positive intent. That changes how I receive all messages. If I believe that everyone has a positive intent, so if you don't say Melissa, you say Melissa, okay. You didn't mean that in a cruel way. It's just how you said it. So that's my perspective. Positive intent, embracing and receiving it in love. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 43:10

Wow. Yeah. I think your journey, your story, your project, um, again, I know we've said it a couple of times. It goes so it it is speaking to the adoptee, but the adoptee also represents so many people. I'm trying not to cry. Not just the physical adoptee, but also again, those that are struggling with identity, those who have grief, those who, and just beyond just even myself, there are things that maybe my grandparents, there are fragments, there are things that they tell me and certain things that they don't want to tell me because maybe they didn't feel free enough or safe enough to say it, right? Um, so I have the, and that's my history, right? So there are things. That my grandparents felt safe enough to say or were in things that maybe they didn't say because they were embarrassed about who they were, how they came to being. But me, I'm like, I want to know it all, you know, and I'm excited about it. And tell me more about this. And tell me, tell me more about the Native American person side of me. Tell me more about the Choctaw. Tell me more about the Cherokee, the Blackfoot, tell me more. But those are fragments because of the way we came into being, right? Um, and it's the same thing. Like, why am I spiritual in this way? Why are there things that come from this way? Come to me this way. Why does God deal with me this way? You know, um say something to that. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 44:55

So as you say that, I think about when we don't embrace those parts of us, it's like we build this wall. And so now I can't have a every time I can't have a conversation with my spiritual side because I'm so afraid that that's spooky. Like I've been raised to believe that that's witchcraft. But maybe it's the Lord really talking to you in that language that connects with you spiritually. I know for me personally, when I gave my life to Christ, I was a preteen. I went to this um summer camp. And before I went, I had this dream and I saw this thunderbird. And I grew up in New Mexico and I am uh Mesoamerican, so I have very indigenous roots. And um my everything that I felt spiritually was very like Native American. It wasn't anything other than that. Sorry. And um, so when the Lord was showing me the Thunderbird, it connected to me. I I understood that. But I didn't understand all this other stuff that was like traditionally Christian culture. Um, but I understood the Native Americans. So I went to this, the summer camp, gave my life to Christ, ended up just struggling, trying to understand everything that was going on. And it wasn't until I came here, honestly, and reconnected to the earth that I started to recognize that God talks to me through nature, he talks to me through symbolizations, Native American, and it's okay. Like that's part of who I am, and that's the way he speaks with me. And so I have that freedom to be able to receive it. But if I were so afraid of, or if nobody told me, which nobody did tell me, but if I was stuck in that, oh well, it has to look like this, or I can't go beyond this barrier, then my life would be just kind of limited. And I wouldn't have the fullness of where I'm at right now. Like I feel so free from where I have been. Yeah, I feel like you can this is people have called me weird all my life, which is fine because it's like whatever, but I feel like I embrace that now. I'll be as weird as you want me to be. I don't care. Like I love it because I I see people who really live in themselves and who are so free to be themselves. And yeah, why limit ourselves? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 47:38

It is your life. You'll never get this moment back. Yeah, and I want to be able to express myself the way God has allowed me to express myself, to let go, as you were talking about earlier, you know, whether it be fingerprint, uh painting, dancing, singing, whatever you're, you know, the peculiarness of you, not being in the box of commonality, or just, you know, I'm just gonna be just like everyone else, but being free. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. Right. Um and then just allowing God to deal with you as you walk in that freedom. You're hit and let him deal with the history of you as you walk in that freedom. Um but yeah, when sis, when you're just talking today, it just made me like there's that, those are fragments of us all. Like it is, we are all there. It may not be as close in years or a period of time as yours, but we all have these fragments that are there that uh it's hard to get to. And we may not ever get answers to, but even in that, it's healing, even understanding that this is the reason why they never said anything, or you're never gonna get an answer to that. My my uh father called me a few months ago. Well, this is last year, and he was trying to find out the name of an ancestor of ours because it was on the a property that was ow, uh owned, and there were some some business matters that we needed to take care of. And we to this day we do not know. Um, and just kind of rolling with that, and how like why did in the trying to find it out, we found out other things that we weren't even looking for. And it's like, what? And that was healing, like that makes so much sense. What? That's why, you know. So I that's just really good. That even in the process, you may not get this answer, but you have found out 10 other things in that, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:56

Yeah, I um think about my own poppy and how I don't have anything on him, no history. I've talked to the nurses that took care of me, they met him, but they can't tell me anything. Um, the adoptive mother, she has no information. Even my birth mother, she says, I don't know. I don't even believe he's still alive because he was older when um I was born. But I've come to a place in my life where I'm okay with him. I know there's a lot of people who don't have or who have experienced their parents or their father, and then he just disappears. You know, um, I don't remember my dad, but I remember him. I feel him, I feel his presence always. I feel his love. And if I got caught up on what I didn't have with him or the fact that I don't I don't have any information on him, it could cause a lot of problems for me emotionally. Like, well, why can't I get the answer? But I'm starting to understand that it's okay not to have the answer. It's okay because I have the I have the love and that's what I feel. And even I believe that one day we will reconnect. And when that happens, it'll be like all the answers are there. But until then, it's okay because the answer is love is right here. Is love is right here.

SPEAKER_06 51:19

So that's good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 51:22

And you mentioned that. You mentioned that this is not a space for having answers, but it is a space of reflection. Yeah. And I think that's where the healing happens, is in the space of reflection. You're not gonna have all the answers, but you can talk about it and and you can talk about what you do have and reflect on that. I think that's amazing. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 51:53

We talked about um uh this past week, we talked about how God will uh light up just the first step, and we don't necessarily we can't get caught up in what we don't see or what we don't understand, but I do see this step right here, and so just make this step and and know that you're going to see the next one when it's time and just be in the present. And I think that that's healing also. Do you understand what's in front of you? I do, or I don't, but I've gotten directions on how to understand it. Um, and so let me just stay right here and and understand this. And when it's time to go to the next step, you will. Um yeah. So we have about four or five more minutes. Any takeaways, anything that we want our audience, any other thing that we want um our audience to know, anything you want to highlight or maybe restate anything. Um I used to say tickets out the door. This is the ticket out the door. Anything you want to uh say.

SPEAKER_02 53:04

I would just encourage everybody to just take the journey. Take the journey. It's okay. You don't have to have permission, it's okay. And that journey could look like just starting out learning about what what are the things I enjoy. Like, what is my internal dialogue telling me to do that I haven't been listening to? Because I might just want to learn how to watercolor, I might just want to learn how to make cakes, I might just want to learn how to be a boss, you know. We just don't know. But if we don't connect with that, that can hinder us from really learning about the journey of how we got to where we're at and where we're going from here.

SPEAKER_07 53:45

Wow. And why I gravitate to certain things. Um, why am I always finding myself here? Um, or the type of people that are surrounding themselves around me, or where I the people I want to be around, or the things I that's good, that's good.

SPEAKER_00 54:04

Any um any well, I just want to make sure our listeners know again that you are your project of coming home is a podcast, published author, all the wonderful ways that they can find you. You're everywhere, your project is gonna be coming out. You have a book on Amazon that talks of your story. Um, and then the last thing is no matter who you are, no matter what you're going through, you said it earlier, you're not alone. Yeah, you are not alone. You have a tribe out there, there are some people that are going through the exact same thing you're going through. Connect. There's power and connection and know that. Connect. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_07 54:52

So wait, so before we go, you said you said a couple of things. Okay. Um, your podcast right now is a soft opening, right? And it's on Clubhouse. What is Clubhouse?

SPEAKER_02 55:05

Clubhouse is an app on the phone. So you can't really use it on computer. You would have to download it onto your phone. It's Clubhouse. And um, my room is coming home. You just, I guess, type in coming home and you should be able to find it.

SPEAKER_07 55:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 55:20

And join. And then June 23rd, I will be doing the hard launch, the release of Coming Home on YouTube, which will be under M-D Publishing Services channel on YouTube. And then I'll have my website coming home out too.

SPEAKER_07 55:37

Okay. And then you are an author, and the name of that book again?

SPEAKER_02 55:43

Maya, a life before adoption, author illustrator, I'm a lose Sanchez Glasgow.

SPEAKER_07 55:49

Okay. You are a graphic designer as well. Um, and an editor.

SPEAKER_02 55:55

An editor, a publisher, a muralist, and artist. Yeah, I got a lot of things.

SPEAKER_07 56:04

Yes. Yes, yes. And then so uh look her around. Um, you do have a website.

SPEAKER_02 56:10

So I have a few. Um, I have M Dash Publishing Services, that's for all of my publishing, and then I have Amelou's graphics, which is for all of my art right now.

SPEAKER_07 56:20

And so she is taking commission art. She you do commission art as well, right? Um, yeah, my need you for a mural on the coffee shop.

SPEAKER_02 56:34

I've been waiting. I don't want to do the mirror. I've been looking at mirror list on Instagram.

SPEAKER_07 56:39

I'm like, I'm taking it. Yes, yes. All right, this has been so good, so healing, so therapeutic. Um, and my prayer is that it has been for many that watch the recording of this. All right. Well, thank you again. Thank you, thank you, thank you. This is her presence. Thank you so much for following us. Make sure that you share. Um, I am Andrea Warmley. This is Melissa Benson, and then we have Amalus Sanchez, Glasgow.

SPEAKER_02 57:15

Augie.

SPEAKER_07 57:17

Thank you.