Redefining Success Without Losing Your Mind (or Your Marriage, Kids, or Sanity)

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(**There may be a couple of spicy words in this episode...but only a couple!)

🎙️ Episode Overview:

Redefining Success Without Losing Your Mind (or Your Marriage, Kids, or Sanity)

What if success isn’t a destination… but a constantly moving target?
 And what if chasing someone else’s version of it is the very thing making you exhausted, overwhelmed, and quietly miserable?

In this episode of Breakthrough with Mallory and Julie, Mallory Herrin and Julie Burch get real (and hilariously honest) about what success actually looks like for women in business—especially women juggling careers, families, relationships, ambition, and a whole lot of internal pressure. Spoiler alert: you can’t have it all at the same time, and pretending you can is a fast track to burnout.

If you’re a high-achieving woman struggling with work-life balance, constantly comparing yourself to others, or feeling stuck between wanting more but not knowing how to get out of your own head—this conversation is for you. Mallory and Julie unpack the myths of success we’ve been sold, the mental roadblocks that keep women playing small, and why peace, values, and boundaries might be the real flex.

From society’s expectations around marriage, kids, and careers to the trap of doomscrolling, designer handbags, and “I’ll be happy when…” thinking, this episode calls out the nonsense and replaces it with clarity, permission, and practical mindset shifts. Success isn’t about the title, the money, the house, or the highlight reel—it’s about alignment, intention, and designing a life that actually feels good to live.

Expect laughs, truth bombs, relatable stories, and straight talk about ambition, identity, and redefining success on your terms. Because success isn’t external—it’s internal. And it evolves as you do.

🔥 In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• Why success is a mindset—not a milestone
• How women in business can redefine success without guilt or comparison
• Why work-life balance isn’t about doing more, but choosing better
• How societal pressure fuels burnout and self-doubt for ambitious women
• The connection between values, time, boundaries, and real fulfillment
• How to stop self-abdication and take your power (and your calendar) back
• Why peace might be the most underrated measure of success

If you’re ready to stop chasing someone else’s definition of success and start building a life that actually aligns with who you are now, press play. This episode might just be the breakthrough you didn’t know you needed. 💥

Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:13):

Hey, Breakthrough Crew. This is Mallory Herron, wife, mom, CEO, speaker, author, and now podcaster. I'm here to help you break through what holds you back and get unstuck. I've been through my fair share and I want to help you be successful.

Speaker 2 (00:29):

Hey everyone. I'm Julie Birch. I've been speaking professionally for 28 years. Clearly I started when I was but a child and I am all about overcoming obstacles, growing personally and professionally and really just making a bigger impact on the lives of those around me. I'm here to help you do the same. It starts with my war on self-abdication. You're going to hear me say that every single time. I think we give away way too much power and I'm here to help you realize that your life is your choice. Your decisions are your choice. It's time to choose bigger and better. So let's get it

Speaker 1 (01:09):

On. If we are thinking about our podcast in general and what we're trying to achieve here, I think a lot of that is helping people be successful.

Speaker 2 (01:19):

Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (01:20):

Breaking through what's holding them back, getting to where they want to go. And that's what we're going to talk about today, the idea of success and how do you balance being ambitious with your personal life and your wellbeing? Because one of the myths I find about success is that you can have it all. We all want it all, right? But realistically, you can't have it all at the same time without doing a tremendous amount of drugs, right? Right. Sometimes that's helpful. The energy needed, I feel like maybe some substances might help, but I don't do drugs, nor do I want to. I just drink a lot of coffee.

Speaker 2 (02:05):

We're not advocating drugs, let's be clear.

Speaker 1 (02:07):

Right.

Speaker 2 (02:07):

We're just saying some people, but we're not advocating that brand of energy.

Speaker 1 (02:13):

No, I'm just tired all the time. All time. All the time. So I need a tremendous amount of coffee. I'm primarily made of coffee at this point.

Speaker 2 (02:23):

Coffee-based creature. I get it. One of the things I think is interesting that you said is the idea that we've all heard you can have it all, but not all at the same time. I think that one of the ways that we have to redefine success is understanding not everybody wants it all. I don't necessarily want what you want. So part of the reason why I think people don't find success in their lives or don't feel like they've attained success in their life is because they're defining it wrong. They're basing it on someone else's definition of success and you're never going to get there if you don't know where you're trying to go.

Speaker 1 (03:00):

Oh yes. I think it starts with defining what does success look like? What does it mean for you? Because we're all going to do it differently. And personally, my definition of success has changed a lot over time.

Speaker 3 (03:16):

Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (03:18):

So I used to define success purely in a financial sense because I grew up with ... I mean, for a while we didn't have a kitchen table. We had a card table. We were not well off. Okay? So that has driven me to really want a better financial status. And then it went from being able to take care of myself and my kids, getting the bills paid, roof over our head to how far can I take this? If I can't win the lottery, since I don't actually play it, then how can I attain as much financial security as possible? How do I keep earning more? And there's nothing wrong with wanting financial security or wanting to

Speaker 2 (04:01):

Earn more. Right. Absolutely, for sure.

Speaker 1 (04:03):

But I did find that when I achieved a better financial situation, it did not necessarily have the impact that I thought it would. I did not have a moment where I thought, "Oh, I've arrived. Everything's gravy now." That didn't happen.

Speaker 2 (04:23):

Oh, wouldn't that be so nice? Where you walk in a room and you're like, "Here I am. I have made

Speaker 1 (04:28):

It. "

Speaker 2 (04:28):

Right. Nothing else is required of me.

Speaker 1 (04:31):

I'm

Speaker 2 (04:31):

Done. I'm happy. That's not how it works though. You're absolutely

Speaker 1 (04:34):

Right. I wish it worked that way sometimes, but it doesn't. And not to say I'm ungrateful because I am very, very grateful to have been able to grow my career and become successful. Am I as successful as I want to be? Maybe not necessarily. Depends on how I define it. But from a financial perspective, I was able to purchase a house. It's my dream house. But it was built in 1870. It needs to be fixed constantly. That's not a one and done. I moved my own goalpost as we naturally do. And then for me, success became defined by professional achievements. Am I able to reach the top of my career? Am I able to become someone recognized in my field as a thought leader? Am I getting all the promotions I want? Did I launch my own business and is that successful? Yes. And it's been a lot of hard work.

(05:36):

Making those things happen, achieving that professional success didn't always make me happy.

Speaker 2 (05:43):

I think one of the things that you just really highlighted for me and for all of our listeners is the idea that success is not a pinnacle. It's not an end goal. It's not an achievement. It's a way of living and it's a mindset. So people that think that I have to achieve success don't understand that you're never going to get to the end to maintain it. It's constantly, and you said this too, it's constantly evolving. What success looks like when you're 20 is different than what success looks like when you're 30, what success looks like when you're 40, and dare I say success looks like when you're 50. It evolves over time. And if we think that we've hit that, we've done it, we won the pinnacle, we've achieved success. What we've done is we've achieved a goal that actually helps create a feeling of success, a feeling of happiness or satisfaction in what we've accomplished.

(06:42):

And so it's bigger than just the one thing. Does that make sense?

Speaker 1 (06:46):

Absolutely. And I love how you framed that. It is very much, are you achieving success or are you just achieving a goal? I haven't even thought of it in that way before, but the goals I had in my 20s, wildly different than the ones I have today.

Speaker 3 (07:03):

Right.

Speaker 1 (07:04):

And if you'd ask me in my 20s, what does success look like to you? It would definitely just be specific goals. It wouldn't be a particular feeling, a particular mindset. Today that looks very differently.

Speaker 2 (07:19):

I will tell you, one of my ... When we talked about, we decided this was going to be the topic for this episode. Really the first thing that struck me is it is about how everyone has a different definition of what success looks like. But understanding that society in general tends to put a lot of pressure on us, has created a lot of norms for us. And when we stray from the norms, sometimes we feel like we're being told we're not successful. Now, my personality style is I tend to push back. So for me personally, I will tell you, I was single for a very, very long time. I did not get married until I was in my late 30s and I never thought I would get married. I barely dated. My mom and my sister used to make bets on whether or not I would actually cancel the date or I would go on the date.

(08:12):

Oh,

Speaker 3 (08:13):

Wow.

Speaker 2 (08:13):

My mom called every man I ever went out with Brad for like 10 years. She called my husband, who's not named Brad, called him Brad for the first few months because why learn their name? He won't be around very long because that was just my mindset. And I, as I traveled and my focus was my job, it was building my speaking business. And I traveled constantly. I would fly out on Sunday, fly home on Friday, fly out again on Sunday. And I was doing that three, four weeks a month. I was constantly traveling. And that was my goal. I was so focused on building my speaking business on my career that all that other stuff, the social, the dating, any of that stuff just didn't resonate with me. But society, again, has a way of putting pressure on us. And I would get asked the question a lot.

(08:59):

"So you're a single, are you dating anyone? "And I would always know and they'd say," Oh, well, you'll find the right man someday. "Like I was some sympathetic person that couldn't find a man and I would push back more on that. And again, this is just my kind of personality where I push back and I have to go to the extreme. Well, why would I want that? And that's ridiculous and my life is different and I'm defiant about it because so often you get those questions. And I don't care where you are in your life, you get the questions. As soon as you get married, the question is, when are you going to have a kid? As soon as you have a kid, the next question is, when are you going to have another one? It's like society has this perception that oftentimes ... And I do believe that it's redefining.

(09:47):

I think we're seeing society redefine. I think millennials and Gen Z, and I think they've helped to really stretch those boundaries and redefine some of that. But as a Gen Xer, that was absolutely how I grew up. That was what I was told. And I did not do that. I pushed back against that, but it was me redefining what success looked like. My stepdad used to tell me that the only reason I needed to go to college was to get my MRS degree. I had to go find a husband. That was the goal. And I pushed back and I rebelled in all of that because that wasn't where I was at the time. Now that has shifted and changed. Now I'm happily married and my number one priority in my life is my husband and I've redefined how I do business and what success looks like.

(10:34):

Now it's not how many speaking engagements can I do in a month. Now it's how many speaking engagements can I do so that I can balance my time with my husband? How many speaking engagements do I need to do so that I can take 12 weeks of cruises a year with my husband? So it evolves over time. And I think that we have to stop comparing what success, our definition of success. Are you successful based on what other people's success definition is? That

(10:58):

Makes sense. I

Speaker 1 (10:59):

Love that. Yes, absolutely. And I think that's so important to understand from a societal perspective, especially as women, what success looks like is kind of baked into our experience growing up with what we see on TV, what we see in the movies and what we see in social media. And so there's this idea of, well, it's to get married and have a family and then either stay home and be the perfect stay at home mom or to go to work and also take care of the help. It's just impossible to do everything all at once. And it's so important to determine for yourself, what do you want to do? That's right. What does success look like for you specifically?

Speaker 2 (11:44):

And I think we have to stop judging others for their choices. Oh

Speaker 1 (11:48):

Yeah.

Speaker 2 (11:48):

So we need to stop looking down on people that made different choices than we did. And I think that works both ways. I think if you, your definition of success is you are a career oriented working mom that's busted at it every day.That's a great definition of success. And I should celebrate you for that. If you, on the other hand, are someone who chooses that you're in a situation and you're like, my definition of success is I want to be that stay at home mom. I want to be able to be that right there to parent. I want to homeschool or whatever it is. I'm not going to judge you for that. It doesn't make you any less or more successful because you're doing you, boo, right? It's your definition of success. And I think that we have to stop comparing other people.

Speaker 1 (12:29):

Well, and I think just from what you've shared, waiting to get married ... Look, I have been married a few times and- Just a few. Just a few. So had I waited ... I met my husband in my 30s. Had I waited to get married, I would have saved myself a lot of legal costs, although now I'm like, I can get a divorce by myself. I don't even need a lawyer anymore.

Speaker 2 (12:55):

I can do it. I know all the ins and outs of it. The

Speaker 1 (12:58):

Paperwork is, I got this down now.

Speaker 2 (12:59):

I'm not sure that's a skill we want to be super excited about, but kudos. Thank you.

Speaker 1 (13:05):

But I always wanted to be married, but I didn't think about why.

Speaker 2 (13:12):

I

Speaker 1 (13:12):

Didn't take the time to think what does a successful marriage look like.

Speaker 2 (13:16):

I

Speaker 1 (13:16):

Learned it over time by being in situations where, well, it's clearly not

Speaker 2 (13:21):

This. This can't be right.

Speaker 1 (13:22):

Yeah. No, I don't want this. What did I sign up for? And if you can ask yourself those questions earlier and really understand what that looks like to you, you don't get lost in it. I wanted to have a family. I wanted to be married. I don't know if that was because of a status thing or just like wanting to be loved. I don't know.

Speaker 2 (13:44):

It's just a human thing, I

Speaker 1 (13:45):

Think. Yeah. But I went through so much drama and heartache and bullshit and now peace is what I value. Success now looks like peace, but I've gone through so many iterations of being the sole breadwinner and just really focusing on my career and getting to the next level. But then when I got to the next level, I still have to pay my bills. I still have to take care of the kids at home. I still have to ... I have other responsibilities that aren't just going away because I've achieved something. I'm at the top of my career right now doesn't mean I get to stop.

Speaker 2 (14:23):

Exactly.

Speaker 1 (14:24):

I have to keep going.

Speaker 2 (14:26):

I think what we've identified, and hopefully this is what our listeners are hearing, is that success is an evolution. It's not a destination. It's not an end point. It is an evolution because think about how you said you reach the goal, you achieve the status, you achieve the financial goal, you achieve the career goal, you achieve the family goal, you achieve the marriage goal, the kid, you got a boy and girl. It's perfect, right? So we achieve the goals, but that doesn't ... We're not done. You've used the words the goal post kind of keeps moving. And I think there's a lot of truth in that. I think that we have to recognize that success is not a destination. It really is about the evolution of how we get there. I have an absolute rock star, amazing friend of mine who last year actually climbed Mount Everest, which I just can't even wrap my head around the amazingness of that.

(15:20):

And I remember as he was getting ready for it and he was training for it and it was his focus and it was his soul purpose and it was everything. He was putting everything into it. And once he did it, it was done.

(15:32):

And he's posed the question, what now? Once you do that, what now? And to me, that really touches my heart because it speaks volumes to the fact that how we define success is different for every single person. And it's inside, it's internal. It's not just external. I know someone who has really struggled in her life. She's struggled with happiness. She's had jobs, relationships. She's really struggled. And one of the things that she kind of goes back to is that she's not happy here, like it's location. So if she could just change her location, then she would be happy. Then it would be better. So if she just moved out of Texas and moved to Colorado, if she moved to Washington, if she moved ... If it's the location that's the problem. And in reality, the location isn't the problem. The unhappiness isn't the city. The unhappiness isn't the apartment.

(16:31):

The unhappiness is in your head. The unhappiness is you determining what will genuinely make you happy. And I really believe that generally speaking, it's not what is out your window, it's what is inside your heart. And when we can get to a place where we define what's right for us and we find that balance, then I think we're in a much better place. But I think we tend to compare ourselves to everyone else, right? If she does that, then I have to do that. If she has that, I have to have that. And the more that we define our success by other people's definitions, I think the more unhappy we're actually going to be.

Speaker 1 (17:07):

Absolutely. And going back to Mount Everest, it could never be me. I'm an indoor human, not an outdoor human. I do sometimes would ... I think I'd like to be an outdoor human, but it's just not me.

Speaker 2 (17:20):

I'm not built to climb tall mountains. I'm built to float in a pool on a raft with an adult cocktail.

Speaker 1 (17:29):

I love it. And just this week we were doing a photo shoot together and it was a walking photo shoot and I told you I'm here for photos, not a hike.

Speaker 2 (17:37):

Right. We are not down for that. We're not going to have to walk far, right?

Speaker 1 (17:40):

Right.

Speaker 2 (17:40):

When you say walking, you mean just like walking to change our outfit? This

Speaker 1 (17:43):

General area, not very far. But I think it's one of the things that you talked about was changing your location isn't going to change your heart and defining success really is something that's internal. It's not an external motivation. If you're comparing yourself, I think ... I don't know who said it first, but comparison is the thief of joy.

Speaker 2 (18:04):

I

Speaker 1 (18:06):

Have bought into it before.

Speaker 2 (18:07):

Sure.

Speaker 1 (18:08):

Being on social media previously when I used to be on social media a lot more, now I just kind of keep up with people, but generally stay off it. But I would look through things and I would see, oh my gosh, that house is gorgeous.

Speaker 2 (18:20):

Why doom? They call it doomscrolling.

Speaker 1 (18:22):

Yes. Oh my God, that person looks amazing. Oh my gosh, look at that handbag collection. Let me tell you, because I kept going and I am fairly ambitious, I did get to a point where I bought a Louis Vuitton.

Speaker 2 (18:37):

Oh, you go, girl.

Speaker 1 (18:38):

Oh yeah. That's all right. It did not make me happy. In fact, that's the bag that I like the least out

Speaker 2 (18:44):

Of it. Louis Vuitton doesn't tell you that.

Speaker 1 (18:46):

No.

Speaker 2 (18:46):

They think they're selling you happiness.

Speaker 1 (18:48):

Yes. There's this correlation that we just give to material things, financial things, and oh, that's when I've made it, that's what makes me happy. I've gotten to a point where I would rather have less stuff and more peace. You have to redefine what success is for you because the material stuff ... And I know you might be like, "Well, it's nice to have, you're in a place where you can say that. " I worked my ass off to get it.

Speaker 2 (19:14):

Absolutely. And that's a big part of it.

Speaker 1 (19:16):

But I also, on the other side of it, understand that that is not what makes me happy.

Speaker 2 (19:23):

The success was not in attaining of the bag. The success was in how hard you pushed yourself, how committed you were to yourself to get the bag.

Speaker 3 (19:34):

Yes.

Speaker 2 (19:34):

So it becomes like a false prize at the end, right? It was the work that, the way you felt about yourself when you were working that hard and you were achieving your goals and you were doing what you wanted to do and you were pushing yourself and you got up in the morning and you jumped out of bed because you had a reason to jump out of bed and you knew what that reason was. That's the success. The success isn't the bag at the end. It's who you became getting it.

Speaker 1 (20:03):

Yes.

Speaker 2 (20:04):

That's the success.

Speaker 1 (20:05):

Well, that sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, that feels great.

Speaker 2 (20:10):

That's right.

Speaker 1 (20:11):

I've maybe used that bag once in two years. It's not the physical thing. Like you're saying, it's the mindset. It's the feeling that I get from it. And I'm prone to depression naturally. I have to understand that there's no amount of things that are going to make me happy, not the things.

Speaker 2 (20:30):

You said peace, and I really do. I think that speaks to a lot of people, not just me. When I talk about how I worked so hard and all I did was work, that was my entire focus. Everything I did was for my career. It was building my career. I was interested in essentially nothing else well besides football, but that was it. That was the extent of my interest. And when I met my husband, and I knew pretty quick when I met him, I was smitten. I was like, I knew he was the one. I knew before he knew, but that's a whole nother story. But it was like in that moment, how I defined success started to shift and my value started to shift. And so my life started to shift. And to me, that's kind of the idea with defining success is you're going to be successful if you're living your values.

(21:20):

Are you clear on what your values are? And quite frankly, I do a values exercise in a lot of my different, especially leadership classes, and it is remarkable how people are actually unclear on what their true values are. It's easy to say, "Oh, well, I value family, or I value integrity, or I value flexibility." But the question I always pose to people is, are you living that value? If I looked at your life, would I know what your values are? If I looked at your calendar, would I know what your values are

(21:53):

And are we living those values? And that was the shift in where for me, I started to see my definition of success really started to evolve. It wasn't solely focused on how many speaking engagements can I do, what speaker fee can I command? And it really started to shift to understanding the importance of my family and having time with my husband and being able to do those things with him that make our relationship so amazing. And that was, when I started to see that shift, I started to redefine success and what success looked like. My actions, my behavior started to follow suit and I started to make the shifts in my business started to change how I traveled, changed what kind of speaking engagements I was taking, how I was navigating that because I wanted to make sure that I was living my value. And that to me is how I define success is are you living your values, if that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (22:48):

Yeah, absolutely. And finding that balance between how you achieve success, whatever that looks like, but also knowing your personal wellbeing is important.

Speaker 2 (22:58):

That's right.

Speaker 1 (22:59):

Everything is temporary, everything, even life. So if you're going through a season where you're not succeeding in the things you wanted to, that's going to pass. It's temporary. If you have achieved everything you wanted, that's also temporary.

Speaker 2 (23:14):

That's right.

Speaker 1 (23:15):

And what matters most is the people that we love and the time that we spend with them, because that is the one resource we can't make more of that.

Speaker 2 (23:25):

That's right.

Speaker 1 (23:26):

And I would so much rather have peace and not having to work so hard, I want to not deal with a lot of drama. My friend's circle now, it's very, very small.

Speaker 2 (23:41):

Very.

Speaker 1 (23:42):

Because I'd rather have quality over quantity and I just have reframed what I think of as success. It's having the luxury of taking care of myself and my family while still having time to spend with them and enjoy it.

Speaker 2 (23:58):

I think that makes so much sense. My father, my dad, before he passed away, he had told me that his words of wisdom to me were that I needed to live while I was able to do so because he came from a generation that you worked, worked, worked, worked, and then when you retired, you traveled and you did all the things and he got sick and could not travel. So he retired and then he was sort of stuck. And he told me that one of his greatest regrets is that he didn't do those things when he was able to do them. And he told me, "Don't make that mistake. Don't wait until the end and then think you're going to do all the things that you're saving up for. It doesn't work that way." He said, "You need to live today so that it's consistent, right?

(24:46):

Because if you wait till the end, you don't know when the end is. Nobody knows when the last day is. And if we wait until we retire, we wait for everything to be perfect, then we're never ever going to do it. "

Speaker 1 (24:57):

Yeah. If you set yourself up for, "Once I have that car, I'll be happy. Once I live in that house, I'll be happy. Once I get this promotion, I'll be happy." You're never going to be happy.

Speaker 2 (25:07):

That's right.

Speaker 1 (25:08):

Because there's always something next and that's not what gives you the happiness. It's how you feel inside.

Speaker 2 (25:14):

Success is not external factors. Success is internal factors. So what are yours? And they can be different for everyone.

Speaker 1 (25:21):

Absolutely. And once you are clear on what that is, you can design your life and your time around it.

Speaker 2 (25:28):

You said a lot when you just said design your life and your time around it, because I think that's true. I think that we have to start defining what it is and designing a life by design rather than a life by default where so often we feel like we're just victims. We have to go with whatever happens, right? We're just bouncing around and we react to everything. "Oh, you need that? Let me get that. You need that. Let me get that. "And we spend our time reacting rather than designing. And that's where knowing your values and understanding your priorities make a difference because that makes our decisions easier every single day. How we have an impact on other people is impacted by that. I actually was, this question was posed at an event I was at and I thought this was so amazing. I've actually, I've used it, it's even in my book.

(26:20):

At the end of a long life, if you had to choose between impacting others or having great success for yourself, which would you

Speaker 3 (26:29):

Choose?

Speaker 2 (26:31):

Now, most people generally would say," Well, of course, I'd rather have an impact. "My theory tends to be that I think you can have both. I think when you make an impact, when you're living your values, when you are behaving in your values, and you have internal success, internal happiness, internal peace, then I think that you are very successful and I think you're having an impact on others because you're living the example that we want them to live. We want them to see. That's the message you want your children to have. You don't want your kids to think that the only way they can be successful is if they get a degree and then they make a million dollars. We want them to see that success comes from finding true joy and peace, understanding your values and living in those values.

Speaker 1 (27:14):

Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (27:15):

That makes a difference.

Speaker 1 (27:16):

I just want them to be happy. Healthy and happy. That's what matters.

Speaker 2 (27:19):

That's right.

Speaker 1 (27:20):

And I feel like what you said about does your calendar reflect what your values are, what you're prioritizing. We get on autopilot so easily.

Speaker 2 (27:30):

We do.

Speaker 1 (27:31):

And I've noticed as I've gotten older, time just keeps going by faster and faster.

Speaker 2 (27:36):

Oh, it does.

Speaker 1 (27:37):

And since my kids are now toward the end of high school, I have cats in the cradle just playing in my head all the time. And I'm like, " Oh shit.

Speaker 2 (27:47):

"That's a song, man. That'll DN. If you hear that, you start crying

Speaker 1 (27:50):

And tear it up. I don't listen to it, but I'll start hearing it in my head and I'm like, " Okay, no. "Right. And then," Hey kids, do you want to watch a movie with me?

Speaker 3 (27:57):

Do

Speaker 1 (27:57):

You want to go right down to the Sonic and we could get something to eat and just chat? "I'm so much more aware of things being temporary and the time constraints that I have that I ... I took the pedal off ... I took off the gas pedal with my business because I thought I only have a couple years before the kids are out of the house and then they're going to be off doing their own thing and focusing on that. They're not going to have as much time. I need to soak this all up now. And I've had the stuff. I've had the success. I've had veg awards. Time with my kids. That's what successful is to me. The ability to spend time with them and be present in their lives, time with my husband, time with my dogs. I do want to be the person that they think I am.

Speaker 2 (28:43):

Isn't that the real goal in life is to be the person your pets think you are.

Speaker 1 (28:47):

Right.

Speaker 2 (28:48):

I have a cat named Merle Haggard. And let me just tell you, it's a girl. My little girl, Merle, my girl Merle. And really, truly the way that she looks at me, it's like if everybody looked at me like that, I agree with you. I love that, that you want to be the person that they think you are.

Speaker 1 (29:06):

Yes. My little Maltese is so anxious and she senses how I'm feeling about stuff if I'm stressed, if I'm really tense, and she will start to shake sometimes and come up and calm me and tell me calm down. And that's a good indicator for me of this is not the place I want to be operating. I'm not peaceful right now. I'm

Speaker 2 (29:27):

Stressed. They're very intuitive.

Speaker 1 (29:28):

Yes. So what do I need to do to lower that level of stress and reframe what I'm working on right now? Is this what I want to do with my time? And I've learned to be more protective of my time.

Speaker 2 (29:42):

Which is such a good lesson.

Speaker 1 (29:44):

And I mean, I'm still a recovering people pleaser, so I'm not perfect at it, but being present and deciding this is how I want to spend my life, it helps to say no to

Speaker 2 (29:56):

People. Right. It is an underrated skill, the ability I need to say no inset boundaries. I mean, it really is. I firmly believe that.

Speaker 1 (30:04):

Well, and I think for me, I have to ask the question sometimes, do I want to be liked or do I want to be happy?

Speaker 2 (30:11):

Right.

Speaker 1 (30:13):

And success for me is being happy.

Speaker 2 (30:15):

I think that we have to, because really it comes back to even with the calendar and the time and it's recognizing that we control our time. And way too often when I say my war on self-abdication, that's one of the big areas where I see it is, well, I just don't have the time. No. You need to stop telling yourself you don't have the time. And instead you need to say, I am choosing not to spend time on that, or I'm choosing to not do that. I do not see that as a priority right now. We have to reframe how we talk about it because it's just an excuse. We will let people take our time. Stop giving it away. Stop letting people take it, make choices. Is this the best use of my time right now? Is this task, this activity, this investment of time?

(30:58):

Is this moving me in the direction of my goals and my objectives? Is this the best use of my time right now? And when we start to be harder on ourselves and really looking at where we are investing our time, because that's really true. You want to know what you value? Where do you spend your time? Where do you spend your money?

(31:17):

And those will give it away. So we have to be clear on that. I think that that gives us kind of an opportunity to talk about a couple of takeaway tips to clarify. I know for me, when I think about success, what does that mean? Success, the myth of success. What would I want our listeners to feel like they could grab onto and take back and apply in their life to help them find their definition of success? I think the first thing we have to do is don't compare yourself to other people. Different people have different definitions of success. Different people have different values. Values are not like ethics. It's not like you either are ethical or you're not ethical. What we value can be very different. You have to live in your values. Your values, your life, your time, it's your choice. What is your definition of success?

(32:06):

And I think that's important. And then to remember that your definition of success evolves. Meaning what I thought was success, what I thought made me happy where I was and I was good. It was not where I am today. And I suspect it's not going to be where I'm ... I won't be in the same place in five years or 10 years down the road. So we have to be open to the idea that it's not a destination. It's a mindset.

Speaker 1 (32:32):

Yeah. And I would just add to that, get off social media. Except when you're hanging with us.

Speaker 2 (32:39):

Yeah. Accept when you're checking us out, sending us those DMs, commenting down the posts. We want you talking to us, but stay away from the doomscrolling.

Speaker 1 (32:46):

I think that it's so unhealthy. And you're seeing a highlight reel. I'm doing the same thing. I'm not putting a photo of myself. I hate. I have two looks. I'm professional, ready to go to work and full hobo, which we call goblin mode where it's just no bra, pajamas, fuzzy socks. And house coat. Those are my house

Speaker 2 (33:10):

Clothes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (33:11):

That's how I live. As soon as my work day's done, that's how I look.

Speaker 2 (33:15):

Video calls are the vein of my existence. I got to tell you.

Speaker 1 (33:17):

So if I'm just spending my time looking through beautiful people and beautiful homes on social media, it's going to make me feel like shit about myself.

Speaker 2 (33:26):

That's right. And the thing is, we have to recognize that people post ... Most people post the good stuff. I laugh at this all the time at how many other speaker friends that I have that travel a lot and they'll post their boarding pass on their social. So it's like, look, head to LA or whatever. And they only post the boarding passes when they've been upgraded to first. So when they're in first class. Nobody ever posts a picture of their boarding pass when they're in like row 32F. Nobody posts that one. But boy, you tell me they got a first class boarding pass. They're going to post that every time. So we then subconsciously kind of get the message that that's what success is. Now it is true that if you get to fly first, that's generally, that's one of my definitions of success, but it's not everyone's.

(34:09):

So we do have to be conscious of the comparisons that we're making so that we're defining success our own way.

Speaker 1 (34:16):

Yeah. I really think it's important to be mindful that everything is trying to influence you and you should only be competing with yourself, only comparing with yourself yesterday.

Speaker 2 (34:26):

That's right. I love it. I hope that everybody enjoyed this conversation. I know I did. I feel like it was a good kind of hashing out of some things that we need to keep in mind when we talk about how we want to be successful. My guess is that if you're listening to this podcast, that you two are ambitious, that you two want to grow and up level and get better and break through. So hopefully this gives you some clarity on what that actually means for you. So thank you so much for joining us.

Speaker 1 (34:56):

Yeah. Thanks for hanging with us. And as you go off on the rest of your day, just keep those things that we talked about in mind. Really get intentional with how you define success and really get intentional about following us online, subscribing, liking all of the things.

Speaker 2 (35:10):

All the things. Do all the things.

Speaker 1 (35:12):

And we'll see you next time.

Speaker 2 (35:14):

Yes. See you on the next episode with Breakthrough with Mallory and Julie. Thanks everyone.

Speaker 1 (35:20):

This episode is brought to you by Julie Birch Speaks. If you want another boring keynote, keep scrolling. But if you want an experience, meet Julie. Julie isn't just a speaker. She's the moment your audience didn't know they needed. With down home charm, a sharp sense of humor and zero tolerance for fluff, she delivers real world techniques that make people laugh, think, and actually do something different when they leave. Through relatable stories, bold truth telling and solid business strategies wrapped in brilliant comedic humor, Julie connects in a way that feels like a conversation, not a lecture. Your audience won't be just entertained. They'll be equipped, energized, and ready to level up. Solid business strategies, brilliant comedic humor. Find Julie online at juliebirch.com or give her a call at 214-679-2717.

Speaker 2 (36:17):

This episode is sponsored by Heron HR, the experts in full service payroll and HR built for growing businesses. Heron HR offers a white glove experience and specifically works with small and mid-sized businesses. HeronHR is there to take on as much or as little of your HR function as you want and need. If you're ready for a solution that scales with you, if you need full service payroll or you just want a real HR partner, they've got you covered. Give them a call today at 1-800-607-7787, or find them online at heronhr.com.