NSFW Furniture Activity Day

Katrina and Lionel are back and the subject of today's episode is FAD - which we quickly learn is short for Furniture Activity Day.  It is one day a year when fellow employees leave the high stress environment of office furniture world in exchange for the promise of a fun team building day.  They reflect on some of the best (and worst) Furniture Activity Days fraught with disasters such as the enormous time commitment of a Price Is Right taping, a co-worker losing part of a finger in a cooking class and baking in the 100 degree San Fernando Valley sun while waiting for the missing lunch.  Lionel attempts to give Katrina a break from one of their many duties they are saddled with which have nothing to do with their finance jobs - planning the office holiday party.  However, yet another fiasco ensues when Lionel thinking the company is having a gangbuster year accidentally hires a ridiculously expensive Hollywood party planner to the stars. Spoiler alert, it does not end well.  

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Hello and bongiorno, everyone.

SPEAKER_02 0:18

Oh my god. What the F? What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Ah, Jesus. I feel like I've been saying ciao at the end of each of our episodes, so I thought maybe I'd start off by saying bongiorno at the beginning.

SPEAKER_02 0:32

My god, you're like the least Italian person I know, Lionel. Plus, do you know that ciao means both hello and bye? And it is evening right now, and I'm pretty sure giorno is day.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

Well, uh, Katrina, if you say so, whatever.

SPEAKER_02 0:50

You know what? Uh I think all of Italy says so, so it's not just Katrina.

SPEAKER_00 0:55

You know, regardless, uh I have friends who are Italian. I'm pretty sure I can say that again, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:02

What are you talking about? Oh my god, please keep that fuckery aside. All right, everyone. Welcome to episode five. I mean, Lionel can't even welcome you properly.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

Uh oh my god, I really can't. But you know, Katrina, I just read this interesting statistic today that said 87% of all podcasts don't even make it to episode five.

SPEAKER_02 1:23

Yeah. You know, I'm calling bullshit on that because you just made that up, didn't you?

SPEAKER_00 1:29

Uh, I totally made that up, but you know, it seems like it could be true. I mean I knew it.

SPEAKER_02 1:33

I knew it. I knew it.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

Girl, I almost got one by you. You're like the hardest person to fool. You know, Katrina, you say this all the time that we work with people, so many of our colleagues just spew bullshit all day. I just I just want to test it out once.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

I know, I know. I'm so exhausted from all the BS that floats around our office. I know. Especially of those freaking millennials.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

You know, it's mind it's mind-boggling. Like we could probably devote an entire episode to those millennials alone.

SPEAKER_02 2:04

Uh, you do you want to give people a sneak peek? That one who didn't log into her laptop for like three whole months before anyone in management noticed. Do you remember that?

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Yeah, was it that little? Although we are in management, so we didn't notice.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

Uh uh, it's not little, few. You need to learn the correct grammar.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

Uh, you know, one day I'm gonna get this big old grammar book on my Kindle from Amazon. You know, Katrina, I love its lightweight and amazing back glitch screen. It's a must for anyone who loves to read.

SPEAKER_02 2:34

Oh my god, Lana, Lana, I can't. I can't. You know, Amazon is not our sponsor.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Well, not yet, they are, but well, okay, on that note, welcome to Lion NSFW. You know, my new podcast, because I think Katrina just quit. Katrina, are you there still?

SPEAKER_02 2:50

No, I absolutely did not. I did not quit.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

My my lucky day. Okay, well, fair enough. Well, what should we discuss today? Like, I feel like we've had a lot of ideas in the hopper.

SPEAKER_02 3:00

Okay, so I think, like I said, we need to start planning the next fad.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

Okay, that's a good idea. Well, we should probably tell our listeners.

SPEAKER_02 3:10

Well, you know, if there are any, you keep talking about these listeners. I mean, I haven't.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

I know our listenership.

SPEAKER_02 3:15

Well, I haven't heard any. I don't know. Well, I don't know how yeah, I have no idea.

SPEAKER_00 3:20

I thought I thought it was like 7 million, but I might be wrong. You know, okay, well, we should tell our listeners if there are any what fad is, right?

SPEAKER_02 3:26

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was yeah. So fad stands for furniture activity day. Um, it's a day, what would you say, where we put business aside and do something fun as an office altogether.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

Yeah, that's a right that's a fair way of saying it. You know, it's kind of like team building, except we're not really a team. We just different departments who mostly hate each other. But yeah, that's the gist.

SPEAKER_02 3:47

Yeah. Well, you can say what you want, Lionel. I still stand by this idea. And believe me, after all these years, I haven't heard a single complaint from someone having to miss a day off from work.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

Well, yeah, Katrina.

SPEAKER_02 4:01

Because they were on fire.

SPEAKER_00 4:03

Yeah, well, Katrina, let's just go with the first fact that most of our employees are like scared shitless of you. So I don't think they would complain to your face, but they do complain to me. Uh, Bible, as the Kardashians say.

SPEAKER_02 4:15

What? What do what do you mean Kardashians?

SPEAKER_00 4:18

Well, you know, the Kardashians always say Bible when they're telling the truth. And I was just telling you that people are scared to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_02 4:24

Why the hell did you have to drag the Kardashians into this? Well, they have nothing to do.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

Fine, I just love them, but whatever.

SPEAKER_02 4:29

Whatever, whatever. So coming back to my point, what do you think we should do this year for Fad?

SPEAKER_00 4:36

Well, I think the first thing we should do is hire a human resources representative to handle this bullshit. So, wait, is it HR or an HR? I have no idea.

SPEAKER_02 4:45

Okay. It's an HR. Lionel, you know our Danish headquarters is not giving us budget to hire this HR person. We are lucky they let us even do fad. You know that.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

Well, you know, I feel like you bury the cost of fad somewhere, like in our accounting journals or ledgers, whatever the fuck you call them. So, you know, I'm not technically sure the Danish even have given their blessing on fad that we keep organizing, but yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:11

Yeah, well, you know what? They take off like what, 18 months every time they have a child? Yeah. So I'm sure that would be fine with us taking a few hours to increase our higgy factor.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Wait, wait, wait, wait. What the hell is higgy? Like, did you just make that up?

SPEAKER_02 5:27

It's you know, no, no, it's like a warm and fuzzy feeling, like in Danish.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

I was just being cool. No, I know you're very cool, but what are you talking about? I don't think that's even a real word.

SPEAKER_02 5:37

How do you spell that?

SPEAKER_00 5:39

I did.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

I H Y G G E. You asked me what Higgy meant.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

No, you know what? I can't even keep up with your English grammar, which I don't even think is always correct, but like I'm not gonna try, I'm not gonna question it. Like, so but don't start throwing Danish at me. Holy fuck.

SPEAKER_02 5:54

Okay, okay, okay. Can we please get back on point, please? Maybe we first talk okay. So here's here's what I suggest. Okay, maybe we first talk about what we have done for furniture activity day in past years, so we can get a gauge on what has worked and what has not.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

Well, well, you I will say you do have brilliant ideas inside you. So what what do you think?

SPEAKER_02 6:14

I mean, well, once in a while. So what would you say was like our biggest fail? I feel like I always like to learn from our mistakes.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

Yeah, you know, it's funny. I think you wanted to do a podcast, this podcast on our mistakes, but I think this whole podcast is a mistake, honestly. But you know, hands down, the worst idea for fad, you know what I'm gonna say. It was when we took everyone to the taping of prices right.

SPEAKER_02 6:38

Yeah, what do you mean, we? The royal me? You weren't even there.

SPEAKER_00 6:43

They went to the yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:43

So you had surgery. No, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, I did have surgery.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

Okay, I want to set the record straight here, Katrina. I had surgery the day before, and you know, before that I never had hernia surgery. I was younger and probably a little bit dumber than I am now, questionably. But I just thought I'd bounce back the next day. You know, that is not the case without hernia surgery. I was down for like a week with like I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

Okay, I don't know anything about it, but I'm pretty sure most people are not on their feet jumping around like crazy for eight hours the next day after surgery.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

Well, if only Katrina had you know, Katrina, if you had only imported your Web MD and they're not our sponsor, medical wisdom uh on us this time. You know, I feel horrible about this still to this day because Price is right was totally my idea.

SPEAKER_02 7:37

Yeah, yeah. Didn't you go one year on your birthday? What was it? Yeah, you said you had experience.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

Yeah, no, it was amazing. That's why I suggested it because I again I was 19 at the time, and I guess I totally glossed over the fact that a single show taping can turn out to be like a 15-hour day. I think not turn out, I think that's what it is, Katrina. I think it's like literally 15 hours. Most of it, you're standing online in a hot cramp space trying to impress the producers so that they'll get you on Contestants Row. And all I wanted was like our executive assistant to win a Mazda. You know, I love it. I love Mazdas.

SPEAKER_02 8:09

Yeah, I know, I know you love those Mazdas. And no, they're not our sponsor.

SPEAKER_00 8:13

Yeah, but they're just so comfortable and easy to drive, but whatever. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:16

Stop. I think you also glossed over the fact that the average age of our employees at that time was like 57 years.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Yeah, that's probably low, but um, you know, from what I was told and I wasn't there, I know let's make me feel worse still. Um, people were pretty angry like the second hour in. Remind me again. What did you guys do? Yeah, what did you do? You bailed, right?

SPEAKER_02 8:39

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We bailed. We didn't even make the actual taping of the show because we were made to sit around for six hours with no hope of the taping inside, and that's when people started to revolt.

SPEAKER_00 8:51

Yeah, it doesn't take much for the revolution at our company, it's a silent revolution. You know, you guys, what did you do? You went to the farmer's market next door. Isn't the farmer's market like right next door?

SPEAKER_02 9:01

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

And then what did you do? Was it breakfast or lunch? It was probably still breakfast by then, right?

SPEAKER_02 9:08

No, no, no. We chowed down like double cheeseburgers. We also had to order a bunch of alcohol to calm people's trade nerves. And most of all, our CEOs who was like beside himself for all this time wasted. And you never, never once thought to tell us if it could potentially end up being a 15-hour day. You knew. You knew, Lana, that's so gross.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

You know what? I was, it was probably like the opioid talking, and we shouldn't joke around about that. I don't know. But you know, I even I you know, I I should have thought about it. I and uh the t-shirts that I made up, they said so fa, so good, they were like an office furniture pun. I mean, like, that didn't help.

SPEAKER_02 9:45

No, no, no. Most of our employees didn't even get the so far pun. And the t-shirts were not even the right sizes.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

Well, that's typical. Our people are quite large. Um, you know, you know, I think if I recall correctly too, Katrina, weren't people like pissed that Bob Barker wasn't no longer the host?

SPEAKER_02 10:01

Yeah, I know, but that but that too. But yeah, that was the least of my worries.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

I mean, I stand by that to Kari, though, but you know, you know, and I think what was it like over a thousand dollars in taxis because everyone was so drunk at after lunch that they they couldn't they couldn't drive home?

SPEAKER_02 10:16

Yeah, Alanel, I hate to break it to you because I know you're a people pleaser, but that day everyone was so pissed at you for suggesting this, I mean, absolute catastrophe of an idea.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

Yeah, everybody knew it's a guilt. The guilt, Katrina's gonna live with me, but you know, if there was Uber at that time, I think it would have been a bit cheaper than these taxes.

SPEAKER_02 10:36

Okay, but whatever, but of course we had Uber, they were too drunk to book. Okay, okay, stop. Can we talk about one of our epic successes?

SPEAKER_00 10:44

All right, yeah, absolutely. I think that's a good time to drop one of those in. So I think there's only been one in the history of furniture activity day, and it wasn't the time. We're joking. No, I'm just kidding. It definitely wasn't the time. Remember that one where where we were like in a park, it was like 100 degrees out, and we were waiting for some employees, like the administrative people, to come back with the sandwiches, and they they went furniture shopping out of all things while we were waiting for our food. Is it first furniture shop? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, Daisy, yeah, you know Daisy. I think she was like receptionist at the time. She apparently she wanted to get a hutch for her dining room. Like, I mean, a hutch, like Jesus.

SPEAKER_02 11:21

And they went to a competitor.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

Well, you know, I don't think we're known for our hutches, you know, with the earthquakes and stuff. I don't know. But you know, except for that one hutch that we built, like we we did we do have a hutch in our kitchen, but I think we took it out basically got invaded by rats, right?

SPEAKER_02 11:36

Oh my god, yeah, yeah, yeah. Those damn rats were nasty. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_00 11:41

Now that you say that, I remember that like some mornings I would come in and there would be like these little poop pellets in my office. Like, that's like not even like legal with the health department. You know, it's the same one. Yeah, I mean, I don't know, whatever. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:53

What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_00 11:55

The rats, the rats that were in our office. Well, you know.

SPEAKER_02 11:59

What about them?

SPEAKER_00 12:00

Well, I mean, they did like they just poop all over the place in our office, and we still have those rat traps there.

SPEAKER_02 12:06

I mean, like Jesus, yeah, you're impossible. And then we're like a rat trapper you hired. He was useless.

SPEAKER_00 12:12

Yeah, I know. That's why I have all these health problems, I think. But um, yeah, but what were we what were we even talking about? And I think they're gone now, actually. But what before we got to REL, what were we what were we talking about?

SPEAKER_02 12:23

Yeah, well, ever since we got rid of that hutch, their population seems to have come down.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

Yeah. The rats. Yeah, understood. Well, you know.

SPEAKER_02 12:30

Okay, okay, fine, fine. We were trying to tell our listeners.

SPEAKER_00 12:33

Well, if there are any listeners, but yeah, okay. Let's go.

SPEAKER_02 12:36

Yeah, yeah, fine, fine if there are any about our best furniture activity day.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

Well, I think we've had a bunch. Fad. Yeah, bad. Well, my favorite fads, or I think the best fads, were escape room, amazing race, golf. I'm trying to think of them all. Bowling, cooking school. Cooking stool was. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:55

You know, Ahmed from IT really stunned us with his 230 bowling score.

SPEAKER_00 13:00

Or like the bowling one, yeah. Wasn't he like an A-amateur bowler in India?

SPEAKER_02 13:05

An amateur, not A amateur, and yeah, he was. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

Really? An amateur doesn't even attack him. A An amateur. He's an amateur bowler. Okay. Well, I'm gonna keep trying, but okay.

SPEAKER_02 13:16

Well, okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

So, what do you think? Like your favorite, like overall, or yeah, I think we can agree it's cooking school, right?

SPEAKER_02 13:24

Uh yeah, the cooking school was great. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 13:28

Okay. That was it was a little marred by what we called the twinence. Do you remember that?

SPEAKER_02 13:34

Yeah, well, it's funny we call them that because really only one was actually confirmed.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

Yeah, I don't think there's any contesting that Jean from Marketing came in with 10 fingers and left with like nine and three-quarter fingers.

SPEAKER_02 13:46

Well, you know what? That's the peril of serving wine to our crew at breakfast.

SPEAKER_00 13:50

Well, it was a French cooking school, but you know, the other incident that I thought was pretty amazing, like, you know, Mary, remember Mary? I think Mary was, I think she was office assistant or something. She was like kind of cute and she disappeared for like 50, wasn't it like 15 minutes at the same exact time as like the very good-looking French cooking instructor? Like, and they both just reappeared like at the same time.

SPEAKER_02 14:12

Now I'm tired of your conspiracy theories. It's fake news.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

This is not, this is totally right. We should get her on the phone and ask her. I bet she tells you that she had sex in the parking lot with that guy. I bet. You know, I'm a little exhausted, Katrina, by your prudish thinking and highbrow behavior. I mean, this is like these are you know what?

SPEAKER_02 14:29

These are just regular people. Working in an office on the second floor of a strip mall in the San Fernando Valley. I'm gonna take that as a compliment.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

Yeah, it sounds depressing when you put it like that with our office space. But yeah, I mean, I look at the bright side.

SPEAKER_02 14:44

It's always so Jesus. Can you one stay on topping? I'm asking again, okay, what do you think we should do this year for fad?

SPEAKER_00 14:52

Okay, for this year, I've had it, I've been thinking about it actually, Katrina. And I'm gonna check with our insurance department, but I'm thinking about this place in downtown LA. It's called the Break Room. No, they're not our sponsor, and you get goggles and sledgehammers, and you break shit like printers. You can bring your own printer. You know you want to bring it up.

SPEAKER_02 15:07

Mine, it definitely seems safer than axe throwing with our crowd, given that they're probably drunk by breakfast.

SPEAKER_00 15:13

I did talk to someone, not to interrupt you, sorry. I did, I did talk, I did think about axe throwing the other day. But uh, I think our people are all gonna be drunk and by breakfast. Well, you know, speaking of drinking and our crowd, you know, we also have to start planning the holiday party for this year.

SPEAKER_02 15:29

Well, blame the lack of HR, I guess, but I kind of enjoy the fact that 80% of my job involves nothing to do with accounting or finance.

SPEAKER_00 15:38

Yeah, you know, that's that's the same for me too. I I mean, coincidentally. I mean, I know, I know.

SPEAKER_02 15:43

What are you thinking for the holiday party? You brought that up. What are you thinking?

SPEAKER_00 15:47

You know, last year we had it at this place. I'm not gonna say the name because I don't know, I don't want them to get upset with me, but it was this beautiful venue, and there was a Maroon 5 video film uh film there, and uh you know my crush on Adam Levine is well known, so you know, if I were a hetero woman, I would totally have a crush on Adam Levine. Shout out to him for being so damous.

SPEAKER_02 16:07

Okay, okay, stop, stop. I like changing the venue because LA is such a large city, it has so much to offer. So it does. I was yeah, what do you think about the idea of one of those dining in the dark experiences?

SPEAKER_00 16:20

You know, I it I am intrigued, but I feel it's not gonna end well if alcohol is gonna be part of the experience.

SPEAKER_02 16:27

Yeah, yeah. I mean, especially if there's also like cutlery involved, right?

SPEAKER_00 16:31

I mean, I guess we I mean we could have plastic cutlery, but that's not that classy for a holiday party. You know, I never did one of those. Have you guys have you done one of them?

SPEAKER_02 16:39

Yeah, safety first, yes, with the cutlery. I did one years ago. It was a pretty cool experience.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

I would probably want to wear doggles.

SPEAKER_02 16:47

You know, yeah. Well, it's you know, someone kept farting and really ruined the vibe.

SPEAKER_00 16:53

That's crazy. I mean, was it like Mexican or something? No, I'm just kidding. Um, we shouldn't say that. Um, did you speculate? Like, did you try to speculate who the culprit was? Like when you walked out.

SPEAKER_02 17:01

That is horrible.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

No, that wasn't.

SPEAKER_02 17:04

I take that back.

SPEAKER_00 17:05

We'll edit that out. We'll edit that out in post. Just kidding.

SPEAKER_02 17:08

Um, there's no post. I couldn't. Everyone leaves at different times and the lights never came on. It was quite an adjustment. You know, even coming out of the venue late at night, it it was quite an adjustment.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Yeah, I'm just thinking about how you pay for, I guess maybe contactless, you just throw your credit card on, hope for the best. I don't know. I just I mean, well, we can we can worry about the logistics later. You know, you did one day dream about renting SoFi at the football stadium where the Chargers and the Rams play, so like the packing bros, like the packing department guys could go on the field. What about that?

SPEAKER_02 17:38

Those freaking packing bros are gonna have to pack a lot more furniture before we're able to afford that.

SPEAKER_00 17:44

Yeah, I can't imagine what that costs. But you know, we what we can't do is we can't go back to those early pandemic days, like first year, everyone's isolated in their workspaces, drinking wine, like matt through masks, and trying to paint a bird in the winter, like with this Zoom art instructor. That was like the saddest shit I've ever seen.

SPEAKER_02 18:02

We did our best. We did, I mean, we did not be like it was troubling times. I mean, it was sad, it was sad, but it was you know what? I still can't figure out till today why our COO ordered each employee like that giant wheel of cheese for the event.

SPEAKER_00 18:18

Remember, like those were hilarious, they were so freaking, but you know what? I think it was, Katrina, I think it was like supply chain issues, but what a freaking waste. I mean, my cheese had like a little bite out of it, and there was like seven pounds. And my I got on with my wife's like, what the fuck is that? And I was like, it's a giant cheese wheel, and I don't know, but you know what? It's funny. Speaking of that, you know, I always think about that. Like, people weren't like rushing to buy furniture then, like in 2020, office furniture, were they?

SPEAKER_02 18:44

I know I know, but you know, that year we did quite okay financially because our home office line exploded.

SPEAKER_00 18:50

Yes, oh my god, that's the funniest shit ever. Didn't the Danish people at headquarters initially name it like home o like for home office, like H-O-M-E-H-O or something?

SPEAKER_02 19:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Home O, but pretty quickly they had to pivot. So they renamed it Moho for modern home office.

SPEAKER_00 19:08

I you know that's so funny because like I they probably someone probably had to tell them like around that meeting when they like found out that shit. That's probably hilarious. Wait, isn't Moho still like an angiogram for Homo though?

SPEAKER_02 19:20

What uh no, it's an anagram. Stop. But yes, it is the same. Let it go, let it go. We already spent so much of our day not doing our real jobs. I mean, do you really want to start naming office furniture lines too? Do you really want to?

SPEAKER_00 19:36

I can't take on more shit that you already I'm more than on top that you already dump on me. But um, I'm just saying, you know, it's I you know before I worked in office furniture, I was at a large candy company. I'm I'm sure you know that it begins with an N, very large. And you know, I would always suggest names for new candy products. Like I came up with this idea. Listen to this. It was called Keylicious, it was a key-shaped candy bar that tasted like key lime pie.

SPEAKER_02 20:01

What? How did that go over?

SPEAKER_00 20:03

Um, so the people who are in production, they told me that there was no chance that they would ever do that because they were concerned that you know, little kids, you know, they're just like, no. Like every time I would come to them, they like they'd almost like have a sign-up that said no. But they were like, Did you think about the fact that this is gonna like have kids starting to eat like real metal keys if we do this shit? Like they'll think that metal keys are like edible.

SPEAKER_02 20:25

You know what? They probably did not see your vision because most of the stuff is keyless these days.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

I know. You know, how did we get so I think I'm just I'm such a visionary guy?

SPEAKER_02 20:34

I know, I know, I know. It's hard for the other.

SPEAKER_00 20:36

You know, having that so often again with the audience. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 20:39

Okay, who okay? Who do we have as our guest today?

SPEAKER_00 20:42

Well, uh, you know, Katrina, you have said that we were having this like gangbuster kind of year, so I thought we could take some of the pressure off us.

SPEAKER_02 20:50

And which of the many hats we wear were you gonna take the pressure off?

SPEAKER_00 20:55

The pressure is now off of us on holiday party planning. Weren't we just literally talking about that like a minute ago?

SPEAKER_02 21:01

No, you were enlightening us on your brilliant idea to develop an insane choking hazard for kids.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

I really don't think like that many kids would eat keys, but I digress. I am sorry. Well, on that note, I would like to welcome to the podcast Miss Madison Skye. She's a party planner to the stars. I've tasked her this year, Katrina, with helping us plan the annual employee holiday extravaganza if you're ready for it.

SPEAKER_02 21:27

Okay, I may have told you we were having our best year ever financially, but if I give you an inch, you freaking take a mile.

SPEAKER_00 21:35

You know, I don't take a mile. I actually take a kilometer because we're a Danish company and I'm like very into the metric system. And like a kilometer is like hardly even a half mile.

SPEAKER_02 21:44

Hello? Are you guys there? I am so sorry, Madison. And Lionel, a kilometer is 0.62 miles. You're clearly not a math lead.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

Uh, I'm sorry about that, Madison. I was just getting schooled at math. Um, thanks so much for joining us. Today.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

I usually don't do podcasts with people I've never heard of, but I looked you up online and was intrigued by your furniture designs. Looks so old-fashioned, but I guess it works for you guys. Um, our furniture is Danish morden? It's anything but old-fashioned. Really? One of your furniture lines is gamel. It literally translates to old in Danish. Who the hell is this, Lionel? Maybe I misheard. What did you say just now?

SPEAKER_00 22:26

Oh hi Madison. Let me interject for a second. I'm Lionel. I'm the one who called you, and I'm so sorry for all this back and forth.

SPEAKER_01 22:33

Oh, hi Lionel. I have to admit, this conversation is a bit hostile for me. Well that makes one of us.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

Well, two, but I'm no math lead, as Katrina says. Well, and Madison, I apologize. I am sorry. It's all a misunderstanding.

SPEAKER_01 22:48

It's fine. Maybe it was your coworker's accent that threw me off. Anyway, you were saying.

SPEAKER_00 22:54

So, Madison, when we spoke last week, I gave you some details about our company, but I don't think we ever spoke about a budget.

SPEAKER_01 23:02

We did not, but I did pick up on the fact that you said you were having your best year yet and would probably reach over a billion dollars in sales.

SPEAKER_02 23:10

Lana, please edit this out. We are a private company in the United States. We cannot give out our financials. And where did you come up with that number?

SPEAKER_00 23:19

Uh copy that.

SPEAKER_01 23:20

Why is that lady back on again? And I think I told you that my average client has a budget between five and ten million dollars for their event. A few lower, some much higher. So if you're not looking in that range, we can end this right here.

SPEAKER_00 23:34

Madison, Madison, I'm having some feedback in my headphones. Can we ask you to hold the line for just a minute?

SPEAKER_02 23:41

Holy shit, Lana, what the F were you thinking hiring this lady? I think our budget last year was like $20,000, and management wanted us to come in a little lower this year. You you didn't pay her anything, like did you?

SPEAKER_00 23:57

Well, I might have signed some sort of contract. What? Well, maybe it was only like a hold harmless agreement. I I you know I really should get in the habit of reading things more carefully.

SPEAKER_02 24:07

Jesus, can you get her back so I can tell her to fuck off?

SPEAKER_00 24:11

Yeah, sure. Well, oh hi Madison. I'm so sorry about that. Our engineer here was fixing something with my headphones, and we're all good now. So tell us a little bit about what you envision.

SPEAKER_01 24:23

Lionel Madison.

SPEAKER_00 24:25

Madison, you can ignore Katrina.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

Sure, no problem. So I saw that you're a Danish company. One option is we could charter a jet from SAS Airlines and fly it from Burbank to Orange County, where you guys could then hop in a fleet of Zenvos and drive to a yacht docked in Newport Beach. I just need to research the runway length in Burbank. Otherwise, we may need to leave from LAX.

SPEAKER_02 24:49

Sure, why not? Though I I don't think I've I've ever heard of Zenvo. What is that? It's like a bus?

SPEAKER_00 24:57

See, I told you Katrina would come around.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

I'm going to Keep going, Madison.

SPEAKER_00 25:03

Keep going.

SPEAKER_01 25:04

Zenvo is a boutique Danish car manufacturer who makes a very limited number of exotic vehicles.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

You know, I just Googled it, and wow, you are right. They cost around 3 million each. Not sure if it's dollars or euros, but whatever.

SPEAKER_01 25:19

Yes, we would need to get started shortly because Zenvos only hold one person each besides the driver. So they would have to manufacture a few more, get them onto a cargo plane and in LA by the time of your event. Well, that's ambitious, but I think it's awesome. I think your guests will be quite stunned.

SPEAKER_00 25:37

And uh Madison, what about the yacht that you mentioned? How do you envision the decor for that?

SPEAKER_01 25:43

Well, I know the national flower of Denmark is the daisies, so I was thinking of getting 300,000 daisies in blue and white, your company's colors.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

Wait, do blue daisies even exist?

SPEAKER_01 25:54

Let us worry about that. Nope, that's only fair for what we will be paying. If you have to ask how much something is, you probably can't afford it.

SPEAKER_00 26:05

That's funny. Well, that is true. Well, speaking of affording, what will all of this cost?

SPEAKER_01 26:12

Wait, I'm not finished. So none of the good Danish musicians have availability this year, but I know the agents of both Elton John and Paul McCartney very well. So would you like to also include an intimate performance by either of them? Sure. At this point, maybe we just get them both. Why not? Perfect. In that case, I think we would be looking for the event to come in just slightly under 15.

SPEAKER_00 26:37

Thousand, right?

SPEAKER_01 26:38

Haha, funny. Million. Madison, please send Lionel a proposal and we will get back to you, okay? Sounds good. Keep in mind I get very busy during the holidays, so the sooner the better. Bye guys.

SPEAKER_00 26:51

I'm sure you do. Well, thanks for your time, Madison. Just to be clear, a quick question. Did I sign anything binding with you?

SPEAKER_02 27:01

Oh, looks like she's gone. Maybe we only get Elton to stay within our budget.

SPEAKER_00 27:06

You know, that's my bad. I really should read these things I sign better. You know, I wish we still had our in-house council. I mean, where is that going?

SPEAKER_02 27:14

Are officially out of your mind. I was being facetious the whole time. Did you not even realize? I mean, do you think at all? Like, ever? This is the most ludicrous conversation I've ever had on our podcast. I am so done. I'm out of here. I'm finished. I'm gone.

SPEAKER_00 27:33

Well, you know, in the meantime, uh, I'll be doing a GoFundMe for 14.99 million. Ciao, everyone.