Heartbreak Did Not Get The Final Word— with Carey Clancy

What happens when the life you thought you had turns out to be a lie?

In this deeply personal and powerful episode, Nancy sits down with her sorority sister and longtime friend Carey Clancy, a woman who walked through one of the most devastating betrayals imaginable and came out on the other side softer, wiser, and more beautifully herself than ever.

Carey's story is not for the faint of heart, but it is for every woman who has ever asked, "Who am I now?" after loss. It's about a 20-year marriage that hid a double life. It's about discovering that every account had been drained: her savings, her children's college funds, her late grandmother's inheritance, all gone. It's about cancer, divorce, rebuilding on a shoestring, and somehow, someway, finding that God's economy doesn't follow our math.

But it's also a story about a tiny house in Richardson with Adirondack chairs and a fire pit that her kids now call the best time of their childhood. About a business born from a love of color that turned into a ministry of beauty and connection. And about a love story so good, so full, so mutual that she calls it "the greatest love affair of all time."

Heartbreak does not get the final word. This episode is proof.

In This Episode You'll Discover:

• Why divorce can feel like a death no one prepares you for, and what grief in the aftermath really looks like
• How Carey discovered her then-husband had been living a secret life of addiction, gambling, and financial betrayal for over a decade
• What it's like to open a bank account expecting to find your grandmother's life savings, and find $7
• How her faith (and her mom's singing voice) kept her from completely falling apart
• The unexpected gift of downsizing: how a small house became the place where her family healed
• How God's economy covered three college tuitions on paper that should not have worked
• Why Carey launched Your Color Plan, a color analysis business that's less about fashion and more about helping women see themselves
• The difference between someone saying "I love your top" vs. "Your skin looks radiant" (and why it matters more than you think)
• Six months on Match.com, one blind date in a parking lot, and the man her friends called "The Nordic": the love story you didn't see coming
• What shared depth, loss, and empathy look like in a second marriage, and how it's different from settling
• Why shared faith is a non-negotiable, not a nice-to-have, in relationships
• The advice she'd give her younger self and every young woman dating today about not settling and not completing someone
• The one thing she'd whisper to herself at her lowest point: "You are being cradled in God's arms. Just rest."

About Carey Clancy

Carey Clancy is a personal color analyst and the founder of Your Color Plan, based in Dallas, Texas. After a 15-year corporate career at The Container Store, Carey completed advanced color analysis training (including a master certification with the late creator of the method) and now works one-on-one with women (and occasionally men!) to help them discover the colors that bring out their natural radiance. Her studio sessions run 90 minutes and are as much about real conversation as they are about color swatches. She also hosts fun color parties with wine, cheese, and a whole lot of glow-up included.

Find Carey: 📱 Instagram: @yourcolorplan 📍 Dallas, TX: studio sessions available, or book her for a girls' party near you (she will fly to you!)

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I think we all have groups of friends, but I would challenge you just who are your people and just really dive in. And and I promise you, you're going to return the favor when and that's a beautiful thing to be able to help somebody else through suffering. And then just be that prayer partner for that.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

Hey guys, it's Nancy and welcome to the She Laughs podcast. Sit down with me while I chat and get personal with some insanely cool women as they share their smarts and their hearts. God gave us each unique gift and we gotta use them. Inside each one of us is a cool girl. So buckle up. Let's get vulnerable, let's get real, and let's laugh. Hey guys, welcome back to the She Laughs podcast. And I am super excited today because today's conversation is really close to my heart. I'm sitting down with someone I've known for a long time, sorry sister, a woman of deep faith, and someone who has walked through real heartbreak and come out on the other side with more softness, wisdom, and purpose, not less. Carrie's story is one so many women will recognize. It's about disappointment, about a marriage that didn't turn out the way she hoped, about loss, grief, and the quiet question we all ask at some point, who am I now? But it's also a story about God's faithfulness in the dark, about discovering gifts you didn't even know you had until life stripped everything else away. Carrie took her love for beauty, color, helping other women feel seen, and turned it into something meaningful, not just a business, but a way of reminding women of who they are. What I love most about Carrie is that she doesn't pretend the pain doesn't matter. She honors it. And she also shows us that heartbreak does not get the final word. Love, purpose, and joy can come again, sometimes in ways even better. I think almost always even better than what we imagined. So, Carrie, I'm so grateful you're here. Thank you for being willing to share your story, honestly, the hard parts, the healing, and the beauty God has brought from it all. Oh, thank you. Uh so okay, so for people who don't know you yet, how would you describe who you are beyond the titles and accomplishments?

SPEAKER_00 2:35

I am first and foremost the daughter of a king. And I have always known that, but very, like you said, very beautifully, that you don't always realize it until everything else is kind of stripped away. Um, I've lived kind of a fairy tale life. Um, parents that adore each other and great education and three beautiful kids. And, you know, it's kind of like when your teacup gets jostled, like what comes out? It's like, how are you gonna deal with it? And um, I'm really grateful that I have a Lord and Savior that has paved the way for me and in many ways has rescued me out of a really, really dark situation.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

Okay, love all of that. And so talking about that, let's expand on that. So the hard chapter, right? The divorce, and I'm I'm assuming that's what you're referencing. The grief, disappointment, you know, divorce can feel like a death that nobody prepares you for. So, what did that season take from you? And what was the hardest loss for you with the marriage itself, the future you imagined, or your sense of identity?

SPEAKER_00 3:54

That's such a good question. And I think over the years of kind of trauma recovery, really asking myself, what is it that I was sad about the most and um most wounded by? And I will be honest, I think um I kind of got married right out of college and didn't um didn't dig very deeply into the kind of man that I wanted to marry. Um, but we had what I thought was a good life together. And then kind of fast forward, we sort of started growing apart as a lot of marriages do. We were married for 20 years. Um, and during that time, my son, when he's he's 26 now and he is 12, he had osteosarcoma. So he had um cancer, bone cancer. And we were in hospital for a year. And um really, I think I I mean, I think most people would probably say, well, anybody's marriage would kind of fall apart during during that. And it's it's either you grow together or grow apart. But what I found later is that these fissures were already there. They were very much broken. There was a lot of isolation and separation um with him. And I was just functioning. You know, as women, we just we do the carpal, we do the meals, we I went back to work full-time, I was doing all the things. And so fast forward to when it happened, it was like within 48 hours, I found out he was living a double life. And it was alcohol, drugs, gambling, prostitutes. He had gone through all of my okay, the kids' IRAs, I mean, the kids' all of my grandmother's inheritance. Um, over like 10 years, he had been siphoning out this this money for his vices. And I just, I mean, you just feel humiliated. I mean, I think that's the core thing. I'm like, it's just embarrassing. I mean, people say, Well, surely you had to have known. I'm like, all of my best friends and their husbands were his best friends. Like, nobody saw it. My parents didn't see it, nobody saw it. And so you just feel like a fool. So that's that was probably my golly carrie.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

I didn't know that. I'm so sorry. Wow. Were there moments where you felt disappointed in God, even if you didn't want to admit it?

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Yes. And I think most of that had actually been happening for the last probably five years of our marriage. It was just like, why did you give me him? Why I I had no plans to divorce. I wasn't gonna do that. Like, you know, I was raised thinking you you just stay married, you know, and it would have to be something so sensational for me to leave that I feel like that was a real gift from God to pluck me out of that marriage. And I didn't know how bad it was, obviously. But now seeing the flip side, I'm like on the very best days, that's the worst days of my marriage now. So I feel very grateful actually that it was so off the chain that nobody questioned. It was kind of like, well, of course. I mean, and so you know, there's fallout from all that, and there's, you know, divorce is not fun. But for me, it was like in Texas, it's like 60 days is like the minimum day. And I think we were 60 days. I was like, I I couldn't get out fast enough.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

Well, sure. Yeah. Well, I love that you say that, that you're able to see the gift in it because you know, consider it pure joy, right? When we can when we're faced with trials of many kinds. And that's sometimes really I mean, it's seemingly impossible while you're in it, but I love that you can see his hand throughout that and not be bitter. You know, that really speaks to how well you know him and your relationship with him.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

It's like I mean, it's real quick. I I do think like it's all the deposits over all those years of of my prayer life and God, I mean, I act like it's something I did. It's God with me that showing me how much he loved me that you can't think when something happens like that. Like I I couldn't, I couldn't make dinner. I mean, my friends came in, they they they did everything for me. And and yet it's like, so then you're just kind of on autopilot. And like that's the thing. It's like, had I not had that foundation of his love for me, I mean, you're mad. You're mad. But it's like he can handle that. Yeah, you're mad and scared and scared of everything. Yeah. What am I supposed to do with these three kids? Two of them right to go to college. Like, what what in the world?

SPEAKER_01 8:34

Yeah, what's what how am I gonna do this? So, okay, what did you learn about yourself in the quiet aftermath when there was nothing left to perform or hold together?

SPEAKER_00 8:48

Well, I learned um community matters. I leaned into my friend, they tucked me into bed, my mom flew in, she lived with me for three months. You know, you you can kind of fall apart and just and it's okay, you're loved and accepted. And I did have to, you know, go back to work and fake it there and all that. But but I also learned that I I just you don't, you don't have to be anybody you're not. It's like I just felt like I had for a lot of years just portrayed this image of our family of five, and like we'd show up to church together and we do all this, and it's like nobody knows what's going on behind closed doors, right? And I hear that over and over and over from women that I've had coffees with that are going through similar things. I'm like, it's so freeing to not worry about, like just to be like, okay, I'm a mess, and it's okay. Nobody expects me. I'm doing that to myself. Like I can just be and survive and not perform. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:53

I think how just we do that so much as women is okay, everything's fine, I've got this, even if there were, I think you used the words, you know, fissures in the relationship, right? We we try to act like it's okay, I've got it. And then when something like this happens, where there is no cover-up, where there's no looking away, when it is just like a nuclear bomb, yeah. It's you have to, like you said, just become okay with everything not being okay. And to your point, I don't I don't know how people get through something like that without their faith. Um, was there a moment when you realized that God on this note that God had not abandoned you, even though your life looked nothing like you planned?

SPEAKER_00 10:47

Yeah. So, like I said, my mom was in town and she was loved him like a son. And so she's going through all the same emotions. And we're we had what I call like a war room table. So my husband, just my ex-husband, just so you know, like the kids haven't seen him in eight years, like going on nine. Like it, it was he left the house and never came home. He had gotten arrested. And anyway, but we my mom was in town, my girlfriends were over, we had everybody had a laptop open, and we were looking through like what bills do we owe? Are the lights gonna go out? Like, I hadn't done the bills, like I mean, all that stuff. And so my one of my really good friends, she was looking at like all my accounts and you know, finding out that we had back taxes and just all these things that he hadn't taken care of and tuition payments he'd frozen for a year and just so he could play. And so we owed an enormous amount of money. Um, so I was like, that's okay, because I've got my grandmother's inheritance and it's sitting in this account. So I go, I remember logging on, and I I was like, wait, some I can't get in. So I call and the guy's like, um, after like an hour, he said, ma'am, there's seven dollars in this account. Okay, and it I mean, she was a child of the depression, she had saved her entire life from I'm her only grand. So it was just it was devastating. But in that moment, so my mom, my mom starts screaming, like guttural, like, what in the world? How did he do this? Why'd he do this? I start screaming. I didn't know, I didn't know. And she's like, I'm not blaming you, but how so I'm like, oh my gosh, no, I know. And so we both are a crumpled mess. Like, and I'm trying to hug her and she's trying to bug me. I mean, she is like my everything, my mom. And so we go into my bedroom and my friend Jennifer was there, and she just gave us both a Xanax. And she said, she said, What's your dad's phone number? So she calls my dad, she's like, You gotta come in. And so it was like, but like waking up, I kind of remember waking up, and my mom and I would sleep together every night, and I would just wake up and just and she would just be singing over me, like just like we're gonna get through it. We're family, we're we're gonna get through it, and God is not gonna abandon us. Side note, biological father who's a pilot, he died in a car accident when I was two. And so it had always been the two of us. And so she was very much like, this isn't the first time, little girl, that we've gone through something like this. We're gonna make it, it's gonna be fine. But when I saw her lose it, like I was like, you know, like, oh my gosh, but she's human too. So anyway, I don't know. Yeah, she's human too, and she was mad, and I loved that she was mad for me.

SPEAKER_01 13:39

And so, so your mom, I think it's so important for people listening to know that, you know, as mothers now and as grandmothers, whatever your role is with children, the faith that you model for them as they're growing up in their journey, right? That, and I know that from my mom, right? That it is so important, and you may not even realize it as you're doing it, but I cannot tell you how many women I talk to that while their stories are different, everybody's story is different, the faith that they either came to through a mother or a grandmother, it's so foundational, right? So foundational and it's so important to have that. And I love that you had that with your mom. So how did y'all how did y'all rebuild? Because this is this is really made for TV movie kind of stuff, right? I know you haven't heard that. I'm not the first person to say that to you, but it's you know, how did you begin to rebuild? How did you model that faith for your children during this time? Because as an adult and as a wife, you just lost a husband and the man you knew was nothing like what he really was. For your children, it's their father, right? So, how were you able to equip them with the strength and the faith that you were even grappling with at the time? Well, talk to us about that a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 15:07

Yeah, and I I mean, I will say my kids at the time were 17, 15, and 13, and they um they went to a Christian school and they had just they have always had education through the grid of scripture. So they are they were already such old souls when it came to like faith. And wow, I was able hurt in front of them freely. I told them, I mean, some people I'm sure disagreed with this, but I I told them everything. I mean, I and you tend to parent to your oldest anyway. And so my sweet is boy, I have boy, boy, girl, and so my sweet daughter, she, you know, I'm sure she absorbed some and some of it fell off, but they all had very different kind of reactions to that. And I was, I just was, you know, we're gonna get through it. God has us. And it's it's really funny. This is kind of a funny story. So my oldest is is mild as burgers. I mean, he's very functioning, high functioning, brilliant, absolutely brilliant, but kind of like just so black and white. So my daughter is, she's the youngest, she she was just crying. I I can't, I can't even believe he did this. I'm just left the room. My middle just stayed there, and he's just sweet boy. I mean, he's just like, it's okay, mama, I got you. I'll be the man of the house. It's okay. I got you. And then Luke, my oldest, he says, you know, I never really liked him anyway. It's typical. And it was just like we all just burst into laughter. I mean, it was just kind of like, yeah, well, he was annoying. It was just really funny. So, but we the beauty of it is so we sold, I got the house. So in the divorce, thank the Lord for that. That was a good uh kind of investment for us, and I sold it and bought this tiny little house in Richardson. And I mean, I think it was like the size of a living room, and all three of my kids now say that was the best time of their childhood. I mean, we just we would sit on the back porch and I had like I bought these Adirondack chairs and a fire pit. And I mean, they were going off to college, and but that was such a sweet time for us. And so just have healing. I mean, it was just they're fun, and I don't know, it was just like today's a hard day. You know, that how are you doing? And they'd be like, Yep, today's a hard day, you know, and then like the next day, it's like somebody would bring us up, and it was just I I felt like I kind of had buddies. I mean, it was beautiful, really. It is so beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

So for and this may be too personal, but for the the women who are listening, because I've heard this story again in a different version, but over and over, you know, about women who are married to somebody that has a double life and suddenly they don't have anything, right? How did you how how did your kids go to college? How did you I know that I want to get into your color business because what you do is amazing. But before we get there, like you're living in Richardson, you're in this little postage stamp of a house, you've got your precious children, y'all are all sort of, you know, um, y'all are all recovering together from this major blow, right? And y'all are y'all are moving and growing and rebuilding, but how practically um was that how is that happening?

SPEAKER_00 18:36

That's actually a really good segue into the business because I am doing this business to help them pay off their student loans. So they have a lot of loans. And that was a kind of a hard, kind of gripping thing for them, I think. Just like the reality of like, well, wait, none of my friends are out to pay for their education. I personally think it's good to have a little skin in the game and have a little loan. So I'm not opposed to that. I've kind of been able to sort of, by the grace of God and through my jobs, been able to do like some of it. And miraculously, I would say to women, like, God's economy is not ours. Don't on paper, I do not know how probably 75% of all three of theirs. And I had one go to Rhodes, one went to OU, and one went to Oldness. I don't know how in the world 75% of that was paid for. He doesn't he does it. And and you just go, all I have to worry about is this semester. So how are you gonna do it this semester? And he it and it just keeps you plugged in for sure because you're terrified, but he did it.

SPEAKER_01 19:41

I love that. That makes it all teary. I love that. So amazing. I he is so good. He is so good. He's so good. So tell us about, tell us about that. Is a great segue into your color business because you are I can remember when I first saw you when you were coming through Russia, it's like, oh my gosh, it's beautiful. And and you always have been inside and out.

SPEAKER_00 20:05

You are a mix between Farah Fawcett and Olivia Newton John. That's the way I remember you. I was like, I want to be whatever she is.

SPEAKER_01 20:13

I love you. Um, well, you came through and I was like, oh my gosh, we've got to get her. We've got to get her. And because your spirit shone through, I mean, you were so beautiful. And as you know, there's there's so many beautiful women in this world, but not everybody is as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside. And you always had that that glow of just beauty inside and out. And so what you're doing now, I think is if that isn't just your calling, it's I'm sure you have many, but this is one of many, I'm sure you will find moving forward. But tell us about it. Yes. Tell everybody about it, because I think it's it's really what we what my goal is in this podcast is for women to really listen to the the gift inside of them that God has put in their heart and and listen to his still small voice and follow that, no matter how crazy or loopy or outlandish or how you think, how am I gonna do this? And and to step out in that fear and do it. And you've done it so well and so beautifully. So I would love for you to share with everybody what you're doing and um and your story behind that. Well, I love that you're doing that.

SPEAKER_00 21:27

And I think um a lot of, you know, I didn't know, I had a gift, and I I j I mean, I think anybody can study to to do something and just find that intersection of passion and purpose. I mean, I you know, I I for some reason years ago when my husband and I got married, which is a happy ending to that story, I'm married to my prince. Can't wait to get there.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

I'm really excited that part because there's a lot of frogs out there. Yeah, I left who found your prince.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

So we'll get but he really encouraged me. He's like, you know, we wrote down on New Year's Eve one night, like all the things that just you love. Like, what are they? And one of them I just kept coming back to, I like color. I like repainting walls. I like, you know, buying a pretty color shirt. I like fancy jewelry, like all the stuff about color. And years went by. I didn't, you know, do anything with it. Then I sort of saw on Instagram, you know, things that people are starting to talk about color analysis. And I had my colors done, but they were now I know it was kind of misassessed. Um, and so, but I couldn't figure out. I was like, is there something wrong? Like I'm feeling washed out, I'm having to put a lot of makeup on to get back up to the normal level. And so I just started diving in. I was like, I want to know everything there is to know about it. I did two trainings in Dallas, and then I six months later, I did this master training in Toronto with the late the guru who kind of created the whole thing 40 years ago. And um, I was like, I can do this. I know I can do this. And I the best part about it, Nancy, is having people come into my studio and having one-on-one time with these with women. Mostly it's women, sometimes it's men, but mostly it's women, and just like discovering their natural beauty. I'm not trying to listen, I live in Dallas. It is like the mecca for the needle, like any filler, med spa, it's all here. And I am all for that. And yet, like I feel like we miss so much. It's just in our closet, and like wearing the right colors can lift and brighten and take years off your face. And you know, if you're wearing the wrong ones, they do the opposite. They're adding wrinkles and they're dragging you down. And and the thing about it is like what you mentioned, the inner beauty. Like you, I think women have a sense when they feel beautiful. And if you even if everyone else thinks you look pretty, like you put a shirt on and you're like, and you put a different one on, you're like, okay. Like that's what I want. I want you to see you already are so beautiful. Go find the colors that are in harmony with you and double down on those colors.

SPEAKER_01 24:20

I love that. It's so true. Everything you said, I'm completely on board with. But starting a business after the heartbreak, you know, you suffered, and it takes courage. So, what fears did you have to overcome to say yes to this calling?

SPEAKER_00 24:40

Well, I had been in the corporate world for a long time, uh 15 years. I was um worked at the container store in their corporate headquarters and launched their organizing services all over the country. And like, I'd kind of like, you know, I I I guess I was afraid of failing. I'm gonna just spend a lot of money, and it's of course it's my new husband's money because I kind of quit working. So I was like, now the stakes are even higher. He really believes in me. What if, what if this is just a big waste? I mean, you know, but he just kept saying, Are you having fun though? Because if you have fun, you're gonna end up making money. And it's not, I mean, yes, the money is going to my children, but it's also just that purpose of like, what am I really supposed to be doing? And maybe it's a little bit about color and making people feel beautiful, but what if it's just about relationships, about having someone stuck in my chair for 90 minutes and having real conversation? And like, I mean, I don't know, I'm opened to whatever God has for it. For some reason, this this feels like a really great fit right now. And I'm having a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_01 25:54

Yeah, see, to me, it sounds like it's not just a business, it's more of a ministry of sorts because you when you say you sit down with them one-on-one, that it's about making them feel beautiful. It's not just about making money and helping your kids, which is wonderful. And I love that God's equipped you with this gift to be able to do that. It's also, like you said, a purpose. I think we reach a stage in our lives where if we haven't been there before, we realize it's not just all about us, it's how we can serve others. And I feel like that's what you're doing. Yeah. What you're doing because you're helping women feel like the most beautiful selves. You're not altering their appearance or what God has given them, right? But you are enhancing it to because everybody should feel that way, should feel confident and beautiful, and you're equipping them with the tools to do that and making a connection with them, right? While you're doing it, which is so cool. Okay, so I've got to get there now. Okay, so love your business. And at the end of this, I want I want everybody to know how to reach out to you because it is such a big deal. In fact, I looked at some of the episodes that I've done already, and I'm like, oh my gosh, that is so not my color. What am I going to do? I mean, I look waiting to do you. I'll come to Austin. Yeah, yeah. I'll come to Dallas. We'll do it. I'm dying to do this with you because already those are out of my closet, and I thought they were such great colors, and then I saw them and they're not on me, on somebody else.

SPEAKER_00 27:36

You know, it's the difference if if you get a compliment and somebody says, Oh, I love your top versus your skin looks radiant, like pay attention to what you're wearing if they say the second one. Because it's like you might think they might be thinking, Oh, I like that top for me, or yes, brand or whatever, but they're not, they might not be thinking of like, oh, that looks good on you, versus your skin looks good.

SPEAKER_01 27:59

Right. Okay. Love that. Okay. So I want to hear about your your husband, and because finding love again after divorce or even a breakup, you know, and there's a lot of women out there listening that are either divorced or they had a boyfriend and they broke up, and it can feel terrifying. So, what made you brave enough to open your heart again?

SPEAKER_00 28:26

Well, it started with my kids putting a playlist together for me to get ready to go on a date on match.com. No way. I've got to hear and he drew was not on match.com. I did six months of miserable dating. And there I promise you, every listener that is listening right now and has been on match.com knows how miserable it is. It is like, I mean, I could write a book about those experiences. However, so I I was done. I was like, I'm not, I'm good. I just I like my little house. I've got my, you know, I'll get a bunch of cats, like whatever I need to do. Like, I'll grow old like this and just be fine. And then Carrie Randall, my little sister in the sorority, Carrie Campbell, she uh she was like, No, I have I've got somebody for you. And she kind of accosted him in this parking lot. Their kids went to the same school, and uh she was like, Are you open to dating? Because his wife had passed away 18 months earlier from cancer. And so here you have like, I mean, two people who have really been through it, right? And just um there's a lot of depth and experience that goes goes into getting married later in life. And I mean, it's it's really that's probably the best thing. It's like God has given us so much that we have empathy for each other, we've got, you know, compassion. We're we're not trying to change each other, like all of those things that I lacked before. He just gives in extra measure. So we went to this restaurant. He asked, he said, Do you want a glass of wine or do you want to get a coffee? And I was like, Wine, wine is good. So we met for wine at six, and at 10:30, it's like a movie. Like they're mopping the floors, and we're like, Oh my gosh, it's 10 30. So it was just that was the first date, and we never looked back.

SPEAKER_01 30:17

Okay, I love this as somebody who is single in the adult world and survived divorce, um, and did a very short stint on match.com. I mean, maybe two weeks, and it was terrific. So I'm with you on this. But how, you know, how did I think it's really great that you knew somebody who set you up? But how how did you did you know if he was faithful before you went out with him? Talk a little bit about that because I'm sure that was your like non-negotiable, right?

SPEAKER_00 30:52

Um, he was in my Sunday school class at church, actually. He and his late wife, although I didn't really know her, and it was kind of the class that was big enough where people kind of rotate in and out, and they're serving in the nursery, or they're not, you know, two hours or whatever. But um, but I definitely knew him because my friends and I called him the Nordic because he's um he's 50's fifty, no, he yeah, he's 50% Finnish, and I was thinking his mom is 100%. He's 50% Finnish, and he had those eyes, and I was like, oh, the Nordic? You're gonna set me up with a Nordic? So anyway, he uh but when she called, so I was at my grandmother had passed away. I'd just done her eulogy. Oh, you're very close. So Carrie calls me and she says, Um, hey, um, I know you're sad, but I just saw Drew Quancy. And I was like, wait, what? What? And she was like, I know, I know, I know. It's bad timing, it's bad time, but he's gonna be calling you. And I was like, What have you done?

SPEAKER_01 31:51

I don't want to date. I told you this, I don't want to do this.

SPEAKER_00 31:53

And anyway, she was like, Oh, suck it up, you can do it. So she she kind of she was like, You're fine. I love this. So yeah, I I mean, it's a tough world out there dating. I I mean, but for the grace of God, I I mean, honestly, that is that's that's a way to exercise faith, is that when the time is right, it's gonna happen, no matter what you do, or if you're looking for it, or if you're not looking for it, like there's nothing you can do to keep the right relationship from coming your way if you're about it. I I truly believe that.

SPEAKER_01 32:27

That's huge because there's so I have so many girlfriends that are single, and whether they're you know in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, you know, that um are wondering will it ever happen? And and I love that you know that there is no stopping what God has planned for you, is in his plans.

SPEAKER_00 32:47

And it is good no matter what. Even if here's the thing, even if I were still single, I would still be good right now. I mean, that that is, I think, like his promise to us, like he will take care of us no matter what. And I am so blessed and over the moon that he chose Drew for me. And you know, it's not like, oh, I prayed hard enough to get him. That's not it. It this was the plan for me, and I'm so grateful.

SPEAKER_01 33:14

So I think what you just said is so important because for women who may not be believers or even women who are believers, is can be a difficult um outcome to surrender, right? And to really know that you've surrendered that to him and to not be striving for that, you know. And I think women can get really lost in today's Instagram world of being perfection and trying to do this or be that to find somebody, and it's so not that, right? It's really just surrendering it and being okay, knowing that you're enough and that God's enough. And if it is his will and your desire aligns with it, it's coming. I love that, Nancy. And and it's you, the right man wants you, right? Not who you're trying to be. That's right. He wants who you are, authentic you. So to me, it's really heartbreaking to see to see women uh I mean, doing gymnastics, right? And putting themselves into a pretzel to be somebody they're not or look some way that they're not really, and to pick up things that they otherwise wouldn't be interested in. Yeah, it just it's it's um so I love hearing your story because when God moves, it's big, it's wonderful, and it's much more than we could ever ask or imagine, right? And that's what happened to you. So that's funny.

SPEAKER_00 34:47

The exact verse that I pulled out, I was thinking about the summary of that, and you just said it. That's such a god thing. People do more than we ever ask or imagine.

SPEAKER_01 34:56

That's like my favorite. That's one of my go-to's. I'm just like, ugh, what I love it. And he will besides that. I mean, more than we can dream up. I know, but in the in the in the middle of it all, sometimes because we are human, yeah, we can and because you know Satan's a big bad booger, you know, we can lose sight of that. And so I love that you have a community or and had a community and still do, not only within your children, um, how great that they would make you playlist. That's how with your friends, you know, and to keep you, you know, to keep your true north what it needs to be. So tell everybody, so the love you have now with Drew, how is that different than what you thought love was before?

SPEAKER_00 35:45

Well, I'll tell you what, my the the bar was set very high by my parents. And you know, I mentioned my real dad died when I was two, my mom remarried when I was eight, and he adopted me. And so I I just thought, well, that's impossible to get something like that. And now I'm like, okay, this is what it is. I mean, this is just it's the greatest love affair of all time. That's what we say. It's just the greatest love affair of all time. Just there's just a mutuality to this love that it's so selfless. I mean, I'm thinking of him as I'm saying that's not myself, but like just attune to me. And I I've, you know, I I feel like if I, you know, and I don't ever want to take this for granted. And so I think having that as like a impetus to just make it as good as it can possibly be. I mean, I want him to feel the very best about himself every single day. He deserves that, and he should be honored and respected, and he's worthy of all those things. And so what happens is he also is thinking these things about me, and like I feel pretty great around him. It turns out. You know, and so I, you know, I think about the ways I used to pick at my ex-husband, and I I am not, and it was not a hundred zero in that. I mean, I for sure played a role in kind of tearing him down when I was frustrated or saying, of course you didn't do it, you know, just stuff like that. And it's like I I ended up suffering from that because it doesn't feel good to be like that, treat somebody that way. And so it's fun to, I mean, I'm so excited that I get a second chance at how to treat your spouse. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 37:29

I love all of this. And what for the woman who is thinking it really doesn't matter if he and I'm I'm saying this because I have a a friend and this came up the other night, and she's out there too, you know, trying to find her guy and uh hoping to. And and she said, I said, well, and it was on one of the apps, right? And I said, Well, what's his faith like? And she goes, Oh, you know, I mean, and it was one of those, I mean, basically he believes he believes in God. And I said, He believes in God. I mean, he believes that there's uh something out there, and I was like, whoa, red flag. Yeah, and so what do you say to the woman who is thinking that really doesn't matter so much? Um because really what that's saying to me is she wants that more than wants right, yeah, right. So, but what what do you say to that girl who's listening who thinks that's really not as big of a deal?

SPEAKER_00 38:35

So I would say you can coast a long time in that, and then your son gets cancer, or you have bankruptcy, or I mean, and then what? So what happens when the foundation starts shaking? Are you gonna just cling together? You know, the the whole thing of growing closer to God, you're also growing closer together. Like prayer partner. I mean, the daily things, it's not just the big things, but like, gosh, I'm nervous about this thing. Will you say a prayer for me? Oh, you'll be fine. Good luck. You know, like that's not that's not what is gonna grow you closer together. So it might you might be able to coast for a while, but it's gonna reveal itself eventually, and it's not gonna be enough. And the only thing that's enough is God.

SPEAKER_01 39:21

No, I 100% agree. Okay. So to kind of bring it all home, if you could sit across from the woman that you were at your lowest point, what would you tell her now?

SPEAKER_00 39:33

I would say you can't see this right now, but you are being cradled in God's arms. Just rest your head, just rest, just rest in him. He's got a plan. I love that. Sorry. That's beautiful. You don't have to do anything, just rest.

SPEAKER_01 39:49

Love that. Um, and then finally, what would you say to a woman who feels like her life is falling apart and she's afraid that there's nothing good that's going to come after, you know, ahead.

SPEAKER_00 40:05

Well, I I think, you know, after after I would say, you know, cling, cling, cling, cling to God, I would, I would also reach out to a friend that you can really trust. And don't be afraid to disclose things that are just because of your image or what people might think of you or whatever, you would be really surprised how many other women are hurting and feel ashamed, or maybe they're with a man that hits them, or with you know, they have severe money problems and they're living in a fluent community. I mean, you have no idea what's going on. And so if you are vulnerable with one person and make sure they're trustworthy. I mean, that's key. But just say, hey, can I can I just share some things with you that are going on with me? I'm not looking for you to answer, you know, solve problems or whatever. I just need to talk. And I think we all have groups of friends, but I would challenge you just who are your people and just really dive in. And and I promise you, you're gonna return the favor when, and that's a beautiful thing to be able to help somebody else through suffering, and then just be that prayer partner for them. So that's I think friendship is a rescuer.

SPEAKER_01 41:24

Yeah. And then okay, my last question is this. So you said something earlier that really resonated with me personally, but you were talking about when when in when you had married your first husband that you married him, but really didn't dig into you know, as a young woman, because we do have a lot of young women uh that listen to podcasts and we work with them, we see them on the daily. So, you know, what advice would you give them about really digging into someone's character and knowing what you want and what your expectations are before you say do?

SPEAKER_00 42:05

Yes. So my my daughter is dating cute pulley right now, and we've had all these conversations. Um, and he's a wonderful, wonderful guy. It's it's I think when I was 23, 24, it's just babies now that I think about it. But I saw people kind of got married to whoever they were dating at marriage age. And you just do it because it's like, oh, Irene, that's so fun. Oh, you get to plan a wedding, that's so fun. And I, yeah, I love I mean, I love him. Like, I'd have the two boyfriends my whole life. And so, you know, you don't know what really what love is, but you're also not expected to, I think, at that age. You don't have a life experience. But there were there were flags, and I knew it. Um, and I didn't really ever have like, you know, cold feet or anything like that. Maybe that was because my kids were always purposed to be, and that's the way it was supposed to be. Um but the leadership of you know, guiding me in the word and like you know, having that um healthy prayer life as individuals, like you know about codependence and all that. I mean, I've learned so much about that, but you just like you're not completing someone. That's not love. Love is when you're two full, whole individuals that love God and love others individually that are together. So that you're not finishing something. So I felt for many years that, well, I'll just be that spiritual peace in our marriage and just doesn't work. It doesn't work. And so I would I would have probed myself early on like, don't settle, don't settle, just fight and just he is out there. And if if he's not, you're gonna either stop wanting that, and there's gonna be peace in that. Or you're gonna get it and you're gonna go, I can't believe I worried all that time. Like surrender said to work. Surrender.

SPEAKER_01 44:07

Surrender. Yeah. Because he knows best, and every time I have tried to write my own happy ending, I mean, it is never what you thought it was gonna be. I know it's so wrong. I just want to rip that chapter and you know, be done with it. And because I took the pen away from him. Oh you can't do that, you know? But we want what we want when we want it. And and so I I love what you said. Yeah, just stranger. Carrie, you are so wonderful and so beautiful. And I'm so glad you were here. And I want all the women listening to be able to know how to find you to get their color analysis done. So can you tell us quickly here?

SPEAKER_00 44:48

Yes, you can follow me at your colorplan on Instagram. And I really don't do virtual, it's just a different beast. Frankly, I just worry about the accuracy with pictures and all that. But if you're in Dallas or you're planning to travel to Dallas, come see me in my studio. You can just DM me on Instagram, and I also do fun parties. So, like you get your girlfriends together. I I mean, for a party, I'd for sure fly to you. So it would be so fun. But I didn't know that. And people wine and cheese, and I'm just kind of there like doing colors and on the side. So fun.

SPEAKER_01 45:28

Sure. Well, I'm I need to to do it, so we'll be signing me up. Thank you so much for hearing your heart today and your story. And I know it will inspire others, and I'm just so grateful. So thank you for coming on today. Thank you for having me. Yes, thank you. Love you. Okay, guys, thank you for joining me today. I know you loved Carrie and her story as much as I do. So thanks for listening, and we'll see you next time on the She Laughs Podcast. Bye. Thanks so much for listening to She Laughs. If this episode encouraged you, would you share it with a friend who might need a little courage or a reminder that she's not alone? Every share helps more women find their inner cool girl and kick beer to the curve. You can find links to our guests, watch full episodes on YouTube, and connect with me on social at She Laughs Podcast Official. All in the show notes. And remember, the dream inside of you means something. Take the first step. Be brave. God's got you back. And girl, you've got that.