Your Home Is Your Influence (Is Being A Stay-At-Home Wife SELFISH?!)

Is there any value for a Christian woman in her own home?

That's the question we're diving into today in response to a reel that's gone viral about a pastor's wife suggesting that there's zero excuse to be a stay at home wife if you don't have children.

Feminism's talons have sunk deep into our cultural psyche, to the point where many in the church are now cobbling together "biblical sounding" excuses for feminist thought.

At the end, you'll also hear why it's been hard to get these episodes out to you consistently lately, as well as a MUST-read article on men taking up the pro-life cause.

In This Episode:

0:00 Intro

1:00 Stay At Home Wife Controversy

5:00 A Woman's Work

13:20 The Gnostic Home

15:47 Pro-Life Men

Resources:

Landon and Ashley Chase Reel: https://www.instagram.com/p/DYXsroUEVHZ/

Theology of Home by Dr. Carrie Gress: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1505113652/

Theology of Home II by Dr. Carrie Gress: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1505117003/

Live Action: https://www.liveaction.org/

Are Men The Future of the Pro-Life Movement? by Chris Kuehl: https://christopherkuehl.substack.com/p/are-men-the-future-of-the-pro-life

Rachel's Vineyard (Healing After Abortion): https://www.rachelsvineyard.org/

Vis Center (Healing After Abortion): https://www.viscenter.org/healing

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Feminist to Feminine by Justice Kuehl: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1957616512/

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Follow Justice on IG:   / justicehopekuehl  

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hi guys, welcome back to With All Her Mind. This is Justice Inlo Keel, and you are sitting in my very messy living room and kitchen space. And hopefully by the end of today's video, you will understand why I chose to be here. But just take a look at we have some kind of car race happening in an excavator and door, the explorer, all at the same time. But like I said, at the end of the video, I think you'll understand why I chose to film right here. We're gonna get into a couple of topics today. I've got something about the home that I've been working on that I want to share with you guys. And I also want to get into a little bit of a new article that my husband has written that all of you must read. It is so good. I'm just gonna touch on it a little bit. Do you secretly desire to get off birth control? But you look at your calendar and you know there's simply no room in your life for the natural hormonal fluctuations of your cycle, let alone a baby. No time to put your feet up when the cramps hit hard, no grace, no space when you feel vulnerable and sensitive in the days leading up to your period? Do you ever feel like your entire value as a woman is tied directly to your productivity? Are Christian women really required to hustle constantly in order to please God? And where does enjoyment and creativity even fit into life like that? In a culture that celebrates the futurist female and pushes call her daddy style advice that frames relationships as nothing but power negotiations and treats abortion as some kind of necessary requirement for women to succeed, the very idea of slowing down, of stepping back to care for a home can feel completely alien, almost backward. These are the kinds of honest questions that come up again and again when we talk about the home and how the home relates to our careers, especially as women. A recent Instagram reel discussing these very ideas shared by Pastor Landon Chase and his wife Ashley has been causing quite a stir online, and honestly with good reason. Landon asked Ashley if she thinks there should be stay-at-home wives. And her answer, well, it became a great example of what it looks like when feminist ideas get quietly mixed up with Christianity. Now, as Western women, many of us would never call ourselves feminists, especially if you're a Christian. But the truth is, we have all been formed by feminism in deep ways, whether we realize it or not. Before I go into exactly what Ashley's response was, I want to pause and say that she seemed really caught off guard by her husband's question, and her answer clearly came from a good place in her heart, a heart that desires to honor God. I'm also sure that in a short clip they shared, it was not a full, complete picture of who they are or what they believe about marriage or any number of things. But here's the thing: when we don't intentionally distance ourselves from the feminist ways of seeing the world, we will simply repackage those same ideas using Christian language. And because this clip is making its rounds online, I believe a thought before response is warranted.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

Do you think that there should be stay-at-home wives?

SPEAKER_01 3:40

Wow, that's out of nowhere. No, I don't think so at all.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

I think that what I'm saying by stay-at-home wife is a wife that does not have children and not no job, and all you do is stay at home.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

Yeah, I just think about, and maybe I get this from my dad, but like I just think about standing before Jesus and trying to justify my life to him. And I don't think I could justify sitting around and being selfish for any period of time. One of my favorite pastors says that he wants to run into heaven like dog tired. Like he like barely crosses the finish line. He's so exhausted of just like, I did as much as I could. Like, that's what I want to be able to tell Jesus. I believe that our job is so important on earth and our life is so short, and there's so much attack that comes against the church and Christianity that we have no excuse to sit and twiddle our thumbs. I don't know. Maybe you can make the argument that you're growing in certain ways internally and like, I don't know, you're doing your devo time, hearing from the Lord, praying, whatever, that's great. But you can do all that and also like not be self-focused.

SPEAKER_02 4:44

Let's start by clearly defining the term stay-at-home wife. A stay-at-home wife is simply a wife who does not have a full-time job outside the home and who also does not have children. This could be before she's had kids, or this could be in the empty nester stage. Ashley was implicitly saying that unless you have children at home, you really ought to have a nine to five. And that choosing to be at home is basically the same as laziness or selfish pursuit. I have multiple issues with this perspective. Let's get into them. First, her perspective seems to assume that a wife at home is basically lazing about, doing nothing but caring for her own whims and pleasures. But if you think about it, if you're not outsourcing any of your home tasks, there is plenty of real work to do, even without children in the home. Second, this perspective completely forgets that many of the most excellent uses of a woman's time aren't technically a career or a nine to five. Margin in life, breathing room, actually gives women the time to do the things women have done for centuries. Let me say that again. For centuries. Using their free time to volunteer in their communities, in churches, to care for elderly neighbors, to make meals for friends going through hard times, to organize fundraisers for orphans, and countless other important, meaningful tasks. In the same way that in the human body, white blood cells are sent rushing to wherever there's a problem so they can bring healing. Women often function in the same way in society. Wherever healing is needed, the white blood cells come rushing in. They aren't tied down to one narrow set of tasks, and therefore they're better able to serve wherever they are needed. I've seen this lived out countless times in the life of my own grandmother, who hasn't worked outside the home for as long as I've been alive, but I remember her always cooking a meal, wrapping a gift, or sending a card to someone who was going through a difficult time. Her gift of hospitality became a refuge for me, especially during my high school years when I was walking through seasons of depression and anxiety. I always knew I could go to my grandparents' house and there would be a homemade meal waiting, an intentional conversation with no distraction of technology, and a cozy bed where I could rest. Her openness to the needs of others shaped me deeply as a woman, and I watched it shape countless other lives around her. My mother is the same way. This kind of availability would have been nearly impossible if they'd had a high-pressure career, say at Goldman Sachs, with all the demands that come with that career. To assume a wife stays at home because she is lazy rather than because there are truly important things happening at home. That assumption reveals just how much our home has lost its value in the postmodern world. We don't see the home as worthy of the dignity of our time and our sacrifice anymore, because so often the tasks of the home don't have a visible impact outside of four walls. We wash the dishes only for them to be dirty again. We cook a wholesome meal only for it to be eaten. We vacuum and dust only for more dust to settle right back on the same surfaces. Additionally, most of us modern women are severely underdeveloped in our homemaking skills. It will take many of us months or even years to become truly good homemakers. A whole generation of mothers went to outside jobs and the home was neglected, and that's left many of us without the firsthand experience of nourishing and cultivating this slice of heaven on earth that the Lord has entrusted to us. It is not a waste of time to learn and grow in homemaking before your children are born. In my first few years of marriage, I struggled greatly with keeping up around the house. Was always letting a load of laundry sour, forgetting to think about dinner until it was too late, or missing credit card bills. Thankfully, I found books and YouTube videos from women with personalities like mine. And that helped me build systems that actually worked for me. I had graduated college at the top of my class, served as president of the Honor Society, received award nominations, and had many accolades, but I had not been discipled in homemaking. I needed that time to grow into my role, and I needed to come to the deep understanding that home life matters to God and it matters in his kingdom. This opportunity is simply not available for most women today because their economy has been so reshaped by feminist legislation. Women's income is now required in most families just to stay afloat. If we look back to the 1970s, when the big push began to move women into the workforce, the entire world adjusted to that new norm. It is now financially difficult or often impossible for most women to stay home with their children, let alone before or after their children are born. But when financial stability does not require a woman to work a nine to five, it is a mistake to say that a stay-at-home wife with no children isn't using her time in a meaningful way. We have to rediscover what humans knew long before modernity. The home is our most immediate sphere of influence. It is the very place where we first begin to bring the kingdom of heaven to earth, especially as women. No matter how big or how small or how fancy or how not fancy your home is, it is the place where we exercise the spiritual gift of hospitality. Talks about this in Romans and in 1 Peter. Even the tiniest apartment can become a place where your visitors experience the love of God through your care, through the way you intentionally serve their needs and make them feel truly welcome. Your hospitality might look like a beautiful mahogany table set with china and crystal, or it might be a folding card table that you pull in and out of a closet with disposable plates. It is never about how fancy the space is. It is always about how much love and intentionality you pour into the person standing right in front of you. Hospitality can look like taking your friend's kids to the park for a few hours so she can breathe. It can look like volunteering in children's ministry at church, or giving a handmade gift to someone who feels invisible, or giving a home to a kid who's going off to college for the first time and needs family. Acts of hospitality don't have to be grand or perfect, but they do require you to have capacity and margin to step back and think of others. This is the pressure we feel from all sides. I often feel pressure that I have to have my home in perfect order before I let anyone inside. But I've learned that the times my home has the biggest impact are usually the times when things are far from perfect. Recently, we hosted the Bridesmaids for a dear family friend's wedding. My living room, much like now, was completely taken over by my son's coffee table grand prix. My kitchen, much like now, was a mess of makeup and hair products. Yet after that week, one of the ladies told me that I had been a source of peace for her in all of the wedding chaos. That didn't come from me. That came from being rooted in Jesus and from understanding that this is exactly the purpose of my home, to welcome, to feed, to facilitate these wonderful and messy parts of life. When women are not tied down to a full-time job outside the home, we're freed up to notice the people around us who simply need to sit down and have a cup of tea. We can sit and listen attentively to their hearts and hear how the Holy Spirit might be prompting us to respond. This is kingdom work. Feminism has worked very hard to change how we think about the home. Instead of seeing it as a little slice of heaven entrusted to us by God, we see only its utilitarian parts. It's where we sleep, shower, and eat. Beyond that, it has no deeper meaning. The shift has been so effective that even faithful women of God have unknowingly embraced it. To quote theology of the home too, to make home is, in a way, the ultimate and most human practice, and that it is a life spent developing not just specific skills, but the very skill of being a human in full. The homemaker who approaches her calling in a purposeful way is working daily to develop generosity in herself and others, in asking and discussing life's big questions in small and unexpected moments. We long for a beautiful home because we long for a beautiful life. Proverbs 31 praises the wise woman who is well formed in every part of her character. That formation shapes how she shows up for her family and yes, how she cherishes her home and stewards everything and everyone it contains. None of this means falling into the idolatry of the 1950s housewife. A woman's fruitfulness is not limited only to the home, but it most certainly does include the home. Titus II calls older women to train the younger women to be workers at home so that the word of God is not blasphemed. This clearly shows us that the home is an important, valuable part of the life of a Christian woman. The modern perspective on the home is almost Gnostic in nature. Gnosticism taught that the physical world is evil and only the spiritual is good. The church has always rejected this because the incarnation of Jesus, God becoming flesh, forever settled that matter is not evil. Genesis tells us clearly, when God created the physical world, he called it good. It is only the corrupt use of matter that becomes evil. We see this same wrong thinking when people say that the home isn't truly important, that our homes and our belongings are carnal, not eternal, and therefore only the work we do outside of the home is meaningful. As my friend Dr. Carrie Gress writes in Theology of Home, our homes are one of our greatest tools of evangelism. We get to give people a taste of heaven on earth. When someone walks into your home and feels that deep sense of homecoming, their soul is pointed toward the ultimate homecoming, eternity with our father. Feminism borrows its structure from Marxism. That's why it shares so much in common with other Marxist movements. Marxism and feminism both want women to become good workers, willing cogs in the machine. The enemy of that goal is a woman who is distracted by caring for her home and the people who enter it, so that the work must be split 50-50 with her husband. The corporation's work is worthy, but the home's is not. This view is so contrary to God's good design for the differences between men and women and to our unique strengths. It is feminine strength above all that knows how to take whatever little or much we have and turn that house into a sanctuary that points everyone who enters it towards heaven. You see this so clearly when you visit the home of even the most aesthetically inclined bachelor. My husband has a great sense of taste and design, but he naturally leans more cold and utilitarian. I have brought warmth because I am always thinking about how this space will serve us as we live out our values and host others. I bring the feminine gift of nurturing even into the way we decorate our home. Ultimately, caring for the home is a quiet fight. It is a fight against the utilitarian culture that ties our value only to our output. It is a fight against the old heresy of Gnosticism. It is a fight against all the lesser gods of our age. It is a beautiful insistence in participating in the creativity and beauty of God, no matter how limited your budget or your resources may be. Homemaking is the marriage of the ordinary, everyday life with eternal meaning. One of the reasons I have been a little bit slower in getting my episodes of With All Her Mind Out There is because I'm participating in a fellowship right now through the organization Live Action. And for those of you who are not familiar with Live Action, it is an amazing pro-life organization that is dedicated to helping change hearts and minds on the issue of abortion. So, yes, of course, we want to see legislation change, but we also want to see people's hearts change so that culture changes so that people are wanting to vote for pro-life legislation, wanting to protect the lives of unborn human beings at every stage of development. As I've been going through this, one of the things that I've been praying about is okay, Lord, where do you want to use me in this whole movement? What's missing? And one of the things that immediately stood out to me, felt like a God idea, was the idea that men are not involved enough with the pro-life cause. Statistically, we understand that when men are involved with abortion, they have a huge amount of sway as to whether a woman gets an abortion or not. So when there is coercion, she is much more likely, I'm coercion by a man, much more likely to get an abortion. And if a man steps up and says, I'm gonna help support you, she is much less likely to get an abortion. And this is why the majority of abortions take place for people who are unmarried. So that's a huge thing. My husband and I have been having these conversations for the last couple of months, and he felt inspired to write an article about this whole topic of men and male involvement in the pro-life cause because he has been kind of apathetic about it. And I think it's really easy to do as Christians in general to forget that these are human beings that are being murdered. We have 73 million unborn human beings that are killed every single year, 73 million in the world. And a million of those, around a million of those, are happening in the United States, which is crazy. I also want to pause for a second and say that if you've been affected by abortion, the language that I'm using is probably painful and triggering in different ways, or it could be. And I just want to say that the Lord, He is a redeemer, He is a healer, He is a forgiver, He wants to take away shame. When there is repentance, He brings His healing, He brings His restoration to even the most painful of situations, like the death of an unborn human being. And so there is healing to be found in him. And I'll put some resources down below of organizations that help post-suborative mothers and fathers recover from that process. Because if you are experiencing that, I just want you to know that there is hope and healing in the Lord. And back to my husband's article. I'm also gonna share that in the description down below. But I really encourage you, whether you're a man or a woman, to read his article. If you're a woman and you've got a husband, see if you can get him to read it and see if it wakes something up inside of him because it is so important that we mobilize men in the issue of abortion, whether you're a feminist or not, okay? The thing is we've got to get men involved. They've got to be a part of this. They're 50% of making the baby. They need to step up and be 50% of fighting at least to help preserve these lives. Thank you guys so much for watching today's episode. I hope that you enjoyed it. It's a little shorter than usual, but hopefully it was more meaningful and more direct because we went straight to the point. You know, we got straight to the point on these issues. But comment down below what you thought of today's episode, share it if it was a blessing to you, and let me know what you want to talk about in the future down below.