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inTUNE: Stories of Connection through Music
inTUNE explores how music connects, heals, and empowers — from private studios to correctional facilities.
inTUNE: Stories of Connection through Music
Finding My People: John Wayne Cormier Jr on Belonging, Recovery, and Music Behind Bars
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In this episode of inTUNE: Stories of Connection Through Music, Dr. Melissa Martiros sits down with John Wayne Cormier Jr., a Worcester County House of Correction alumnus and opporTUNEity participant, for an honest conversation about gang life, addiction, incarceration, and the music program that changed the direction of his life.
John Wayne shares a story that starts early — a rough household, a move that pulled him away from his first real community, and a gang affiliation by age 12. What follows is a decade and a half of homelessness, addiction, and incarceration. But it's also a story about the moments music showed up: a fifth grade talent show where someone told him he had something, and years later, a jail classroom where he walked in and felt, for the first time in a long time, like he was with his people.
Since his release in 2020, John Wayne has returned to opporTUNEity as a teaching artist and continues working in recovery advocacy.
Music Featured
- "April (Why'd You Take So Long)" — John Wayne Cormier Jr., Tajawn Campbell, Charlie Hartwell; OpporTUNEity Records
- "Sabrina's Song" — John Wayne Cormier Jr., Alex Calabrese, Ethan Leff, Joe Dunn
- "Wish I May" — OpporTUNEity Songwriting Class (2021)
Intro and outro music written and produced by opporTUNEity students.
Get in Touch Submit questions or topics at https://opporTUNEitymusic.org/intune
Episode produced and edited by Angela Senicz.
Learn more about our programs, stories, and community at https://opporTUNEitymusic.org
You can't you can't be a macho scary dude if you're singing. You know what I mean? So the spring rain is falling onto your grave. They say luck occurs when preparation meets opportunity. And I was trying to prepare myself for a better life, and then I met the opportunity program, and it's been one of the greatest experiences of my life, hands down.
SPEAKER_03Welcome to Intune, stories of connection through music. This is the podcast where we explore stories from educators, artists, and community leaders who are using music to break down barriers and build community. We'll look at how inclusion shows up in private studios, classrooms, in community programs, and even inside correctional facilities. And I'll share a few stories and strategies that might just shift the way you think about teaching and connection through music. Whether you're a teacher, a musician, a parent, or someone who simply believes in the power of music to bring people together, you're in the right place. I'm your host, Dr. Melissa Martiros, a music educator, consultant, and the founder of Opportunity, an organization that uses music to connect people across backgrounds, bridge divides, and open doors. My guest today is John Wayne Cormier Jr. John Wayne and I met in 2019 when we launched our first program inside the Worcester County House of Correction. He was in the very first cohort. What you're about to hear is a story of how a kid from central Massachusetts went from a rough household and a gang affiliation at 12 to being committed to the state at 13 to being voted captain of his high school football team in what looked like a real turnaround and then losing all of that almost overnight through no fault of his own. What followed was about 15 years of homelessness and addiction, incarceration, and then a slow climb back. John Wayne has been sober since January of 2019. He's also, in his own words, proof of an old saying that luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. This is an honest conversation. He gets emotional, so did I. Stay with it. Okay, so John Wayne, let's start with who you are and a little bit about yourself.
SPEAKER_00My name is John Wayne Colmere Jr. I'm from central Massachusetts. Grew up with a pretty rough family. That's the easiest way to say it. It was a construction family, very conservative, very repressive in a lot of different ways. The dynamics weren't really there and it kind of fell apart over the years. There's a lot of alcohol and drug use, and that was kind of normalized in my household. So I took to it pretty naturally. Got to the point where I was utterly homeless and helpless and just trudging the streets with people who love me, kind of keep me at arm's length because I was a total liability to like be around. There was what they call in recovery a gift of desperation. I was so sick from heroin and fentanyl use that I felt the need to rob a convenience store. They had arrested me and brought me into custody. And it was one of the best things that had ever happened to me. But you know, at the time it was a very miserable experience. Nowadays, they will detox you with medication. Back then it was just cold turkey, and that's what I had to go through. So it was something I'll never forget. Very sick, very miserable, but started to clear up in the jail, and I had applied for the STOP program. They actually denied it a few times because I had gang affiliation.
SPEAKER_03For listeners who may not be familiar, the STOP program substance treatment opportunity program, S T O P is a voluntary rehabilitation initiative managed by the Worcester County Sheriff's Office.
SPEAKER_00One of the COs and I were having a conversation, which was new because I never really even respected them or talked to them. But he had asked me why I hadn't I gone up to the STOP program. And I told him I applied like three or four times and they won't take me. And we were talking about a mutual friend who had just recently overdosed and died. And he's like, then you should probably get some treatment. And then we were talking about stops. But anyway, he went and made the phone call. He went out of his way to help. And he came back down and he was like, pack your stuff. You're gonna go up to the stop program. So that was somebody from the community who didn't have to go out of his way to help, but decided like he could make the call. And he got me up there. And that's where the beginning for me really started to change because then I had a lot of respect for the COs. And I got to the program and started to work my recovery. I was very polarized at first, struggling with the whole gang persona. And I was trying to have one foot in each doorway kind of deal. And I heard Derek Kaiser, he's from Fresh Start, he was a former original Kilby Street gang member, and he's a mental health counselor now, and he does a lot for the community. He came to the jail and he shared his story and talked about how he became successful, and I'm getting goosebumps. It inspired me. Like it showed me that I can walk away from that lifestyle and commit myself to doing better. And so I had made that decision, and it was right around that same time they were talking about a music program. I've always been interested in music. I've sang, like I was in choir and just always interested in music itself. A little bit of rap, a little bit of acoustic singing and whatnot. And I had signed up for the class and I'll never forget it. Like while walking into that room and seeing you guys, but it was like, my people, musicians, I've started to identify who I actually am. And that and that was really big. You know, when you're active, you kind of lose who you are. So discovering who you are in sobriety is really cool. And that's a that's a really short version of the whole story. They say luck occurs when preparation meets opportunity. And I was trying to prepare myself for a better life. And then I met the opportunity program, and it's been one of the greatest experiences of my life, hands down.
SPEAKER_03Could you talk a little bit more about how that experience in the STOP program was different from what your experience was in the main jail?
SPEAKER_00Oh, absolutely. Sure. So in the main jail, the mods are like general population. It's where the regular everyday inmates are housed, but it's also where the problems exist there because if you get tickets or you get in trouble while you're in jail, you never get to go to a higher classification, which is where you get to work, keep yourself busy. And there's other programs. And so stop was one of the programs that you could sign up for, but you had to behave. You had to stay out of trouble. And it was complicated for a known gang member who is like kind of up there in the ranks to stay out of trouble and stay out of the politics and whatnot and not get a write-up. There's a remarkable difference because we're separated from the other inmates. There was a big difference between the atmosphere and being there, you felt more like a person. The staff seemed to treat you more like a person, whereas like you're down in the mods, you're just like another number kind of floating around waiting for something terrible to happen because it usually does. It was a major relief to get up to the stop program. I had heard about it before, but I'd never gained access to any higher classification because I was always getting in trouble. So staying out of trouble was paramount. Um, and I had known when I got arrested that it was time. It was time to like stop, get my life back together. So I had subconsciously made a commitment to that. And I was able to stick to it, you know, and and things had been much better. Like I gotta remind myself how much better it is sometimes because I I I am some human and you know, I I want to complain here and there, but life is good now. If it wasn't for there's just so many key players, you know, like the the guy who the CEO who made the phone call, and then the clinicians in the program and the the music program, just people who, whether they knew it or not, large components of the process.
SPEAKER_03When you're in the stop program, which is now in the annex, they're not in cell blocks, they're free to roll the programs all day. There's just a lot more freedom.
SPEAKER_00You mentioned something that's really important, and that's about the dirt the distinction between being locked down, like locked in your cell. So in the in the main jail, you're you're locked down 23, 22, 23 hours a day every day. So you're in your cell for them for the majority of the day. You get out for like a 30-minute rec period, and when you get out, you have limited time to do what you got to do. Get on the phone or hit your canteen or uh take a shower or play cards or call your loved one or whatever. And as far as like tickets go, or if you're a gang member, you can get written up just by congregating. So, like if I if I had two or more of my guys in the same cell, we we would all get written up. So when I tell you that it was hard to like navigate, you know, life in the mods without getting written up. I mean, it was it is almost a miracle that I was able to not get written up. There's minor infractions like that, but they get to like major infractions where there's like the law gets involved again and you have to go back to court. People think that like the crime stops when you go to jail and it's actually expedited. Like there's a lot more crime that takes place in jail than on the street, from my experience.
SPEAKER_03So why do you think that is?
SPEAKER_00I would say just anger, baseline rage. There's so many people who are just marginalized and dismissed, and so they're already not looked at like humans. They do a crime, who knows what it is. This is county jail. So some of these aren't really serious issues, is what I'm trying to say. You know, you if you're in jail for a month, you had a job in an apartment, like that's that's all you need to lose everything. So if you're in custody, like people are just already upset. There's a lot of rivalry, there's a lot of ego, there's a lot of machoism, you know, there's like that whole uh persona that you have to put on. And and that's why I think the music program was so amazing because it works to break down that barrier. You have to take the mask off to perform, in my opinion. It's it's authentic. You can't you can't be a macho scary dude if you're singing. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03So yeah, I do want to dive into the music program, but before I do that, I want to kind of take a step back, right? So you mentioned that your your childhood was rough and uh you got into drugs. How old were you? What did that look like?
SPEAKER_00The first technical drug that I remember consuming was nicotine. I was in second grade, stealing cigarettes from my father. I remember riding my bike and to go like as far away as I could and with a buddy or something, and and we would light up some cigarettes. And I remembered smoking cigarettes and getting lightheaded and enjoying that feeling. I was really young. The acceptance in my household, when I was 12 or 13, my father gave me permission to smoke marijuana, drink alcohol, and cigarettes. I just wasn't allowed to do it anywhere else. I had to be at home. So then my house became like the spot where the other guys from school wanted to come over and hang out because like we were allowed to drink and smoke. And most families would sit down and say grace before they have dinner. We would sit down and light a joint. And that was kind of the atmosphere in my household. So also there was a lot of behavioral issues at a young age. There's also really good test scores. Like I was a great student, but I was just acting out. I had a very aggressive and angry and abusive father at home. My mother wasn't in the picture, she was kind of pushed out of the picture, so there was no feminine presence at all to kind of nurture. Uh, and I threw temper tantrums and it was very aggressive and very violent. And so at 13 years old, I was arrested at Millbury Junior High School for possession with intent to distribute. And I was committed to the state at 13 and went to my first program.
SPEAKER_03What were you in possession of?
SPEAKER_00It was Ritalin. To me, it's very fascinating. Like I look at 13-year-olds today and I'm thinking to myself, that's how old I was when I was sniffing drugs. How does a 13-year-old even know how to do that? You learn from what you're around, and that was just the atmosphere in my home. And so I had a couple of buddies that had probably the same dynamics at home. And one of them brought in a bunch of Ritalin for his birthday, and we were brushing them in the bathroom and sniffing them. And somebody had let the authorities know. Like they came and uh it was a police detective, and my parents were there, and it was just a big Did you intend to distribute? Well, we weren't gonna sell it, but we were definitely like giving them out. We were giving them out to like other students, like, yeah, yeah, I have a couple, you know. Like, so that's a problem. And also, this was like shortly after Columbine. It was maybe like a year before, not even like it was pretty fresh. And I had a knife, I had a bandana. It's like called it a gang bandana. They which it it actually was. I was affiliated.
SPEAKER_03Did they know that? Yeah, they knew.
SPEAKER_00I wasn't I didn't hide it.
SPEAKER_03Do you think you had like a certain reputation and then you were found with the Ritalin? So it was just like bingo, we've got John Wayne, we're putting him into custody.
SPEAKER_00I I definitely, yeah.
SPEAKER_03When were you in the gang? When did you join the gang?
SPEAKER_00I had just gotten to Millbury, so I was like 12 or 13 years old. It was uh just a local kind of crip set, believe it or not. These couple of guys were like, I don't know, in their early 20s that that were looking for the younger guys to go out and do all the you know, because they would gas us up. They'd be like, you'll move up and like you'll make all kinds of money and we'll take care of you, and I'm the I'm your boy, and all this and that. I'm gullible. I still am.
SPEAKER_03How did they find you?
SPEAKER_00I found them. I always found the trouble because I was looking for stimulus. I was I was constantly seeking stimulation one way or another, because that's what it was like in my household. You're always on the edge. And so, like when I went out into the world, it felt off until I created chaos, and then I would feel more normal. But I remember getting jumped in. There was like six guys for six minutes.
SPEAKER_03They just like beat you up.
SPEAKER_00No, you're not allowed to punch in the head, but yeah, you just gotta take it.
SPEAKER_03For as long as I've known you, I've known you to be a purely authentic musician. Kind of following this trajectory to age 12 that led you into gang stimulus. You were kind of acting out stuff from home. Where was music in that trajectory? Did you have guitar? Did you have singing music as an outlet, you know, during those formative years? What did that look like for you?
SPEAKER_00Thank you for the comp I that's a major compliment. And it's it's one that I've heard a few times as far as like it being like a part of who I am and that I should lean into it. I've heard I've been hearing that. I got emotional when you said that because I've been hearing that a lot lately. The first introduction to music, I was in fifth grade, and my sister and her friend were they were going to do uh to the talent show, and they wanted to do Mariah Carey and Jay-Z's Heartbreaker. Do you remember that song?
SPEAKER_03I do remember that one, yep.
SPEAKER_00They wanted me to rap Jay-Z's verse. They didn't even ask me. They told me, Johnny, you're gonna wrap Jay-Z's verse at the talent show. I was like, okay. I mean, it was a junior high talent show, so we weren't even sure if I was allowed to do it. At this point in my life, this is when I lived in North Brookfield, we were still kind of at my grandparents' house who were going through a divorce. Family was kind of it was still there, but it was kind of crumbling. So at that point in my life, there wasn't much behavioral issues or anything like that. And I was a really good student. So, anyhow, I went to the talent show and I did Chase East Verse and stole the show. Like the crowd was like, they lost it. The oldest thing that I can remember that I think relates to music in a foreign way is uh I did impressions when I was really young. I used to do like impressions of like comedians and stuff. Jim Carrey was one of the primary ones I'm thinking of, Adam Sandler, these guys, like I would do like impressions, and that was like an act kind of thing. And if you look at pictures of me when I was a little guy, like up to up to five or six or seven years old, I would always pose. So if you took a picture of me, I wouldn't just like smile.
SPEAKER_03I was like Were you like a kind of class clown a little bit?
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah. I've always been the person who can't hide in the crowd. I've always kind of stuck out in a way, but but yeah, no no experience with music. I do have music in my family. Well, they were a major bluegrass band. My grandfather's father on my mother's side was one of the primary members of the Sons of the Pioneers. Uh so there's music in my in my blood, you know, but like it wasn't to my knowledge. And like I said, my mother wasn't around. We had just gotten back from Canada too, so that was another part of my story that was kind of a big change. Because we went from Worcester, I was in second grade, then we went up to Canada and lived in a totally different country, you know, on a native reservation, which they treat the natives like the marginalized here. They're not treated like humans. It's it's terrible. And I lived with them. So the French kids didn't like me because I lived with the natives, and the natives didn't like me because I'm white and I'm French. So I got bullied a lot, like picked on hard. That was where like the attitude started to develop, I think. Because before that I wasn't combative or aggressive in any way, but that was where I think I picked that up. And then we came back to Northbrookfield and we did that talent show, and we and shortly after that, like 99, 2000, is when we moved to Millbury.
SPEAKER_03Okay. So you came back to Northbrookfield, you did the talent show, you rapped, you realized that you love to be on stage, maybe as a performer, all that stuff.
SPEAKER_00So actually, I was approached, I forget her name, but she was an executive at Longview Recording Studio. Uh, and she was she had the cool kid squire. So she approached me afterwards and she was she was like, that was incredible. She was like, you know, she's asking the same kind of questions that you're asking, like, um, any experience with this before? Have you ever done this before? You've ever been on stage? And I was like, no. It's like this is the first time. I've never done anything like that. She's like, wow. She's like, listen, kid, you're really young and you might not understand it just yet, but she's like, You got it. You got it. And like, whenever you really like iron that out and figure it out, you should probably look me up.
SPEAKER_02What did you do with that?
SPEAKER_03Like, did how how did that shape you internally with that kind of a compliment?
SPEAKER_00Internally, that that is definitely like the cornerstone of my confidence. I've always had this feeling that I was gonna be famous, a huge story, like a major success. I didn't really have an idea as to like how or why, but when that woman approached me and told me that, you know, I ate it up and she offered me, she wanted me to join the cool kids choir. And so I did, and and I got into a part of that. But we we moved around so much that there was never a chance to stabilize. So, right as I got interested in the cool kids choir, we were uh we were ripped away and again and we moved to Millbury and and in Millbury is where uh that's where the drugs and the gangs and the violence and stuff really, really, really took off.
SPEAKER_03So it almost seems to me like if you had stayed in North Brookfield, you were on a path to feel like you belonged and had an outlet, and maybe your whole trajectory would have been a little bit different. I mean, tell me if I'm projecting into this a little bit too much, but what I know about music programs and choirs is that you form a sense of family and community and your talents were seen and probably affirmed, and you probably had a friendship and you had a sense of belonging, maybe in a way that you hadn't before. And then you were pulled from that. You were brought into Millbury, and like your first attempt at sort of creating a community was to join a gang, and then it just kind of went downhill from there.
SPEAKER_00I I never thought of it from that perspective, but that's that's actually thank you for that, because that's there's probably a lot of truth to that, especially because my family was well off. They were like upper blue collar, like almost white collar. My grandfather was a hard worker, he had a very successful construction company. So my father and his brothers were all very, very spoiled growing up. They they had everything they ever needed. Their parents were always there for them. The oldest of the five brothers passed away in 1985 on a freak motorcycle accident, and that's what drove the spike between my grandparents and eventually created a cataclysm where this the family split apart. So I think that that all has to play into this idea of like finding family because we had a major family when I was like up to three or four years old. Every Christmas was like the sitting room was just filled with presents for three grandkids, and it was filled. We were spoiled rotten, and we had family, we had holidays, we we did we did all the things, you know. And and so that rapidly deteriorated and left me with a father who he was really young in his defense, you know, and in he he had a taste for alcohol and drugs, and he tried to do the best he could. I'm still working to reconcile that. It's probably gonna be a lifelong thing, but thank you for that insight.
SPEAKER_03Okay, so you you went to Millbury and then you joined the gang, and then I assume music was sort of cut out of your life for a little while in terms of like performing, and then you got busted for having Ritalin intent to distribute. Then what happened? Did you do time?
SPEAKER_0013 years old. They pulled me out of the house. I went to lockup. I met a lot of people a lot like me, and I went to a drug program. So you can get on probation as a juvenile, but then you can get committed to the state as a juvenile.
SPEAKER_02Where did you do time? Were you like at Lahey or Yes?
SPEAKER_00Well, it was formerly the Worcester Gym. Um, and then it became the Lahey Center. I was there when it was the Worcester Gym. And that was just like a transitional spot. So I went there for a couple days, and then they moved me to a Westboro reception where I had awaited a bed for classification. So when you get committed to the state, that's like going to state prison versus like county. Like it's uh it's the next level. So they really threw the book at me for the litany of crimes that were listed. I mean, I had possession of a dangerous weapon, possession of a class A substance with a tented distribute, possession of a gang bandana, all in school property. It's like they weren't happy. Um, so I got committed.
SPEAKER_03Do you think you were dangerous?
SPEAKER_00That's a really good question. 100%. Yeah, I was definitely radiating danger. I think that there's a part of me that's always never liked violence. I've never liked any of that. I don't like fighting. I don't I might keep getting emotional. I don't like I don't like hurting people. I don't like pain or anything. I mean, that's all I just became an alcoholic and addict because it's relief, right? I always call it a superpower because everything's loud and we just wanted to quiet down a little bit. Just quiet down. And and then you need it physically, and it's so it becomes a whole thing. But I never intended to radiate danger. I was simply upset, confused, abused, and I was the scapegoat in in my in my household. I was always the one who got the blame for everything. I was always grounded, I was always doing chores, forced to do chores. I was always forced labor. I would go to work. My father would put me to work without paying me. He started paying me with like pot and per cassettes and shit like that at a young age, too. Yeah, I think it was just a lot of like rage that didn't have an outlet. I didn't have a mom. I didn't have, you know, and and not only that, but there was no mom but and five boys. Like my grandfather had five. So this is like a super masculine, super conservative household. You know, any emotion that I showed at all, any flamboyance or anything like that was like smothered and stomped out. And like I was dragged for even being upset. And I I was called, you know, Sally Sue and Wendy Weiner or anything like that. And then it would make me really upset that they would say that, you know, and I would try to puff my chest out and be a tough guy like them. And so I took on that whole role full blown when I moved to Millbury. And and maybe that angle about the community is so fascinating. I never thought of that, but that makes a lot of sense. It really does.
SPEAKER_03Thank you for sharing that. Okay, so you had joined a game, you had drugs on you, you had a knife in the context of Columbine. People thought you were dangerous.
SPEAKER_00Do you remember how you felt? I felt like I deserved it. I always felt like I deserved it. Like I said, the scapegoat kind of dynamic. I feel like my father was incapable of integrity in a lot of ways. And because of that, he was frustrated and angry with himself and the way he was presenting himself and living. And so that was all piled on top of me. It was my weight to bear. And so when I get into custody, it was kind of like this feels like the right path. This feels like the normal trajectory. And then when I got there, it's just like John Wayne. My name's John Wayne. I'm I'm a badass. Like, obviously, I just ran with that persona. And I was just telling somebody today. It's been it's been over seven years since since I gotten into a fight. And I'm 39 years old. I would say I've gotten into a dozen fist fights just about every year, my entire life, until I got sober. Like I was always lashing out and aggressive and angry and trying to prove people wrong. And I always had something to prove. The way I felt was certainly like I had designed. It and and also this was right before 9-11. So uh when I got into custody, I went to the assessment first. So after the assessment, they sent me to Spectrum Juvenile Recovery Academy in Methuen, which when I got there, I was automatically comparing myself to the other participants who they were all like 17, 18. Some of them were like in their early 20s because you can get committed till you're 21. So I'm 13 years old and I'm with criminals who are 17, 18, 19. Like, and and as I'm saying that, I just remembered in North Brookfield, the second time I was in North Brookfield, like there there was some behavior issues, and they put me in the special education class. Someone had the bright idea of taking a 12-year-old and putting him in a special education class with 16, 17, 18-year-olds that are using drugs and and having sex and you know, and all the things, which I dove into immediately, you know, like just immediately got into that. So then I get to uh this program and it was interesting. I thought to myself, these guys are clearly, you know, they have issues. Like, you know, I was so far removed from the idea that I had issues because I was always gassed up about being a cormir and being like someone who's important. So I didn't really relate to my peers at all, kind of separated a lot.
SPEAKER_03How long were you in custody that first round?
SPEAKER_00The assessment was three months, the holding was about a month, and the program was I think six months. So it was yeah, just under a year. They had 50% legal custody of me, and that'll come into play in a little bit. My caseworker was amazing. She was uh an awesome human being. Everybody who knew me who had any status in the community, they saw potential that was like being smothered. It was just really interesting. She saw that. I know she did. People at school, the staff, the superintendent of Millbury High School vouched for me more than one occasion, uh went to bat for me. The counselors there, like people were really trying to get me on the right path.
SPEAKER_03Does that happen to everybody if they're if they're put in custody when they're 13, they're they're 50% owned by the state, or in or or is it was this just your particular situation and the charges that were brought against you?
SPEAKER_00When it comes to the law, well, there's chins. Chins is like you're acting out at home and your parents don't know what to do, so they bring you to the court. And then there's probation where you actually commit a crime and they put you on a monitored probation status where if you mess up, you're going to jail. And then there's DYS commitment, where it's like these guys are usually, you know, murderers, moving weight. These are this is the upper class criminal, right? Upper class as in like higher crimes. So, yeah, so when you're committed to the state, they have 50% legal custody of you until you're 18 years old. And oftentimes that can be extended until you're 21 to 24. And then 9-11 took place that morning. I remember writing the date. I was we were in class 9-1-1. And the class was current events. And so I wrote 9-11. And I thought to myself, there hasn't really been any big current events lately. And as I had that thought, the door pops open and in comes the TV on the thing, and he turns it on, and we're like the towers are like on fire. It's like, okay, so that's like a trauma. Uh, I'll never forget that because here I am in custody. Um separated from my family. I'm at a program miles away, and I'm young, and we're looking like we're gonna ever everybody's gonna die. It looks like everybody's gonna die. So the panic was like real.
SPEAKER_03And you're also 12.
SPEAKER_00A child.
SPEAKER_0312, 13, yeah.
SPEAKER_00An actual child. They ended up sending us home. They sent basically everybody home because they didn't know what the hell was going on and whatever, but it took like a week or so. But then I ended up going home, and the ride home is when my father gave me a cigarette. That's when I got like the official permission when I could smoke butts and whatever. And because I was on the UIS commitment, I had like drug tests and whatnot, and I did pretty well with that for the most part. I think I failed for pot a few times. I wasn't really into like heavy drugs at the time. And then at 15, I got I got recommitted for pulling a gun out on somebody.
SPEAKER_03How did you get a gun?
SPEAKER_00It was actually a paintball gun. In the eyes of the law, when you pull an object that looks like a firearm on somebody, you you just committed assault with a handgun. It doesn't matter if it's a real gun or a fake gun. So I was into paintballing. We used to do that. My dad did make an effort to try to get us into things. He he liked to dress us up. He wanted us to look really good to the community, like on the outside, you know, kind of deal. So I had a throne pistol. It looked like a pistol. It looked like a big 45. I'll never forget this. I was a sophomore and I had stayed back, and I had the hots for this woman, this girl who was like the president of the class. Like she was, she was like an honor student, like the whole nine. Very beautiful. She invited me to the basketball game that night. And I was like, absolutely, could have been a dream come true. And I often go back to that night and think to myself, what if I just went with her instead? Because I got a phone call from one of my gang affiliated buddies who said he had some beef, some older guys, and I needed to show up, like, bring that thing, you know. And I was like, okay. So I abandoned the idea of going to the basketball game. There was a party somewhere in Millbury, and these guys were like in their mid-20s. We were like 15, and and we show up, and I had the bandana over my face and the gun on my on my waistband, and it was dark. It was probably early spring. They come walking, you know, pulling their sleeves up and get ready to pound us into the ground. And I mean, they're basically grown-ass men, and we're kids. And I pulled it out and I pointed it at them. And I'll never, I'll never forget that. I don't know what I was expecting for a reaction, but what I got for a reaction, it was exactly what you'd get if you pointed a gun at somebody. You know what I mean? Like these guys went from pulling their arm sleeves up to pounding me to the ground uh to seeing, you know, a ghost. Like they freaked out and turned around and tried to run screaming. People were jumping over the fence, hiding behind trees, screaming, and caught and they called the police. And I was like, you know, I was like, yeah, you know, like there was there was a lot of power. I felt power. It was wild. 10 out of 10 would not recommend. Please don't do that. So we left. I got rid of the the gun and uh I went back to my house and I jumped on the computer. And five minutes later, like the bullhorn came on. And and they said, John Cormier, come out of the house with your hands up. The comical part about this story is the fact that my dad and I are both John Cormier. And he was like, Are they here for you? And I was like, I have no idea. I was playing dumb, of course. I was like, I have no idea what this is about. That I swear to God, they had the lights on the house. I mean, like guns drawn, like they were not playing. You know, so we we both have walked out into the yard and had to lay down on the ground or whatever and get and cuffed and searched and everything. And then they were telling me that my buddies already told on me and I might as well tell them what exactly happened because they know I just pulled a gun out on so and so at such and such a location, and this and that. I said, I have no idea what you're talking about. You know, because in my head, I'm already a gangster. In my head, I already know you don't talk to the cops, you you feed them nothing, you say nothing, you just deny, deny, deny. No gun, no case. You know what I mean? Like the whole thing. So I denied it. They put me on an ankle monitor because they didn't have enough evidence to arrest me. And I went to court with my caseworker who was like, So are you ready to surrender today? And I was like, What do you mean? She's like, You're getting locked up. I was like, how can they lock me up? I was like, they don't have a case, like, there's no gun. She's like, John, all five of the kids that you were with wrote statements. Everybody thought it was real.
SPEAKER_03You were the only one that knew it was a paint cut.
SPEAKER_00Correct. These are supposed to be gang members, right? These are these are my boys, right? They're they're affiliated, right? And they just immediately told on me. So I was kind of heartbroken in a way. Like I felt betrayed. They told on me. I got recommitted, but I didn't have to do an assessment because they already did that. And they sent me to a boot camp, uh, spectrum boot camp. I really liked it. It was really good for me. It was active. You were moving around a lot. I got platoon leader like right away. The discipline, it was it was good for me. It was a three-month boot camp, and I got out. I went back to school.
SPEAKER_03So you went back to school, but at this point, you've got a reputation, I'm sure.
SPEAKER_00Oh God, I had a reputation for sure. I tried out for the football team and I got onto the football team in 2003. I was supposed to be a sophomore, I was a freshman. I had stayed back because uh because of the first arrest. And so I got into the football team. Now, this is pretty interesting because in 2003 the Millbury Woolies went undefeated. We went 12-0 and won the Super Bowl. I was a walk-on, had never been with this team. So the fact that I got a spot on the team was a miracle. It's just a kickoff team. But it was amazing that I got to play and we went 12-0 and undefeated. It was just a miraculous season. It was a lot of support from the community and the town, and like you were somebody that went to my head. And so the off-season, I was working out like crazy, and I really took to the football thing. It kept me out of trouble, is why I'm I'm saying all this. And also, I was betrayed by the gang members. So I even switched my appearance, like my style changed.
SPEAKER_03Were you still doing drugs?
SPEAKER_00Uh I was still partying, definitely. I I wasn't interested in the idea of recovery. I thought it was ridiculous and occult and all that stuff back then.
SPEAKER_03So, do you think the boot camp put you in that football trajectory?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, definitely. I think that that helped a lot.
SPEAKER_03So then did you continue through her senior year and graduate without any issues?
SPEAKER_00I wish that was the case. This is probably the most important part of my story. It is definitely the pivot. If I was on the edge, this is where I went off. So junior year, so there's 22 positions in football. We lost 17 positions because they all graduated. So we were predicted to be terrible. We were predicted to be one of the worst teams in the in the league, but we tied for the top spot. And so we went eight and three, which is a really good record. And I was benched. It hurt because I told everybody I was going to be a starter. And when I was working really hard that summer to get the starting position, there was one guy next to me. I couldn't shake him no matter how hard I pushed. He was going for the same spot. Uh he turned out to be a police officer in Millbury. Kind of interesting polarity there. They ended up giving him the starting position. So I'm benched. First three games, I'm angry, upset, disappointed, ashamed, embarrassed, all this. So the third game, coach comes up to me and he says, You're going in, Colomir, put your helmet on. Strap it up, I'm ready to go. Like, what's what's the deal? What do you need? He's like, You're going in for Charlie Waters. I was like, the nose tackle. Like, this is a really big person. And it's usually a big guy's position. I was like 140 pounds soaking wet. So I went in to play D-tackle. Huge first play. I sacked a quarterback for like an 18-yard loss. It was a big to-do. They were Chant Rudy on the sidelines. Long story long, I ended up becoming captain of the football team, despite the fact that I was a known cocaine user. I was a known party animal. I was a known womanizer. I was a two-time convicted felon for some serious crimes. And at the end of my junior year at the banquet, I'll never forget it. My family, my parents weren't there, you know. Everybody else's family is there to support them, you know, and no one's there for me, which is kind of normal. It was kind of common. Like I wasn't worried about that. And there were four captains. They picked three of them, and they knew it was a toss-up between me and guess who? The police officer. Right. People weren't really sure. And uh, you know, there was people saying there's no way that Cormier is gonna get it. He he's not the right person for that position. And when they called my name, like the way that that the whole place just erupted, just exploded into cheers. I mean, everybody was crying. It was just it was so emotional. I worked so hard for it. And I got up there, they have you do like a little acceptance speech or whatever, and I was just like saying thank you to the team and you know, and this and that. Look forward to working into the senior year. It was a remarkable turnaround for someone who's gone to jail twice as a juvenile. At that moment, the door opened in the back of the hall, and you know, it was kind of loud, like a loud kind of clutter, and the whole place like turned to look, and in came my my father and my stepmother, and they were clearly under the influence. And it was like, what's the peanut that's got the cloud around them? Pig pen. They looked like pig pen. It was just like I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed by their presence, and I didn't know he was coming. They didn't say that they were gonna show up. Like he was trying to show me that he cared. Like it was like an effort on his part, but it was actually like it made things worse because the whole the whole town saw like them in that in that shape. And so I got voted captain, the football team, huge turnaround. I ran with it. I really tried to uplift the the whole team in the school. So spring break 2004, my junior year, the end of my junior, well, toward the end of my junior year, um, in uh we're we're doing a pep rally, and about a week earlier, my father had burned our house down. At the time we didn't know it was just a house fire. But I had found out later by his own admission that this is what happened, and uh he got away with it and the insurance claim and whatever, yada yada. So he he ended up taking off to Canada with his wife.
SPEAKER_03So he burned your house down and then fled, just left you.
SPEAKER_00And my sisters, they were already kind of forced out of the house. In our house, it was when you're 18, you're gone. You're out. I don't care where you're at. You're moving out on your birthday, you're packing your shit and you're leaving. My parents want us out as soon as possible. It was fine by me. It was like I wanted to get the hell out of there as soon as you anyway, you know. So I'm displaced. I've got nowhere to live. I'm kind of staying here and there. But I'm captain of the football team, so I'm trying to hold it together and I'm trying to inspire the entire school and faculty. I'm literally on the floor in the pep rally. When it was done, the principal walked up to me and said, John, I I need to, I need to talk with you. And I was like, Okay. So I followed her into the office, and in the office was two police officers, my caseworker, and a pair of cuffs and shackles. And she looked at me and she was crying. This woman wanted nothing to do with it. She's like, I have to take you into custody. I said, for what? She's like, John, the state has 50% custody of you. This was like six weeks before my 18th birthday when I was gonna get off a DYS commitment anyhow. But because they're legally obligated to make sure that I have a roof over my head and three hots in a cot, they came to the school to place me in custody. And so they brought me into custody. Now, devastating, devastating is not even the word. Actually, I don't even know if I could ever articulate how that felt.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you turned your life around. Yep.
SPEAKER_00I turned my life around. And just the panic, uh, like it's still it's still there. Like when I think about it, that still comes up. So I go back to the same cell, the same exact cell that I was in. The last time I was there, when I pulled a gun on someone and promised the world that I would never get in trouble again, I'm never going back to jail, I'm gonna do the right thing. I didn't do anything wrong and now, but now I'm in custody. It was again the integrity, the displacement, the scapegoat. So I'm in custody. They served us dinner. It was an egg roll. I'll never eat an egg roll for the rest of my life, and I promise you I never will. That egg roll got me violently sick. Like bacteria infection in my stomach in DIS custody, things move slow, you know? And so, like day two, day three, somewhere in there, when I'm literally like I can't even get off the bed. I'm malnourished and dehydrated. And so they brought me to the hospital, but they had to cuff me and shackle me up. Again, I didn't do anything wrong. I'm not, I didn't break the law, but they had to cuff and shackle me and escort me to the hospital, and I'm cuffed and shackled to the bed. And if I had to use the bathroom, I had to ask the officer to uncuff me. And it's like, this is crazy. And they're looking for a place for me to stay. So they find uh one of my teammates who's uh his sister was dying of cancer, and they were really good friends of mine. And and my buddy was like asking his dad, can we let John move in? And he's like, No. Uh, and the sister like vouched for me, rest her, rest her soul, Aaron. So the father agreed to let me move in. So I I moved in to my buddy's house, and I had a chance. I had a chance, and I was like, Thank, you know, thank God. Like, I'm good. So I was in custody for like a week or two. This was during spring break, so it's perfect timing. But I get out and I go back to the school, and I had a girlfriend at the time who we were kind of toxic for each other, but she was like all I had left in my head, you know. And so I get to school and there's a this other girl crying in in the office, and she's like, You didn't hear what happened. And I was like, No, like, what do you mean? And she's like, Your girlfriend's been sleeping with my boyfriend all week. So after just having your house burned down and getting arrested for not doing anything wrong and like all these issues, I mean, I literally had no clothes, I had nothing. So I went to the nurse's, I was the nurse will sign me out. I could just leave. This kid was there in the nurse's office. We got face to face. I was like, in my head, I was like, he's gonna lie to me, and I'm gonna just bury this kid right now. And I looked at, I got in his face, I'm yelling at him, he's trying to calm me down, and I just said I asked him outrightly, did you did you sleep with her? And I'm waiting for him to lie. The kid looked me like in the eye and he said, Yes, I did. And it blew me away. I was counting on him to lie so I could hit him, but he told me the truth. And I I turned around because I didn't know what else to do, and I just walked into the hallway and I was like tea kettle, like I was in rage mode, complete rage mode, and I started punching lockers. There's police officers uh at the school because of my behavior and my affiliates, and uh he tried to calm me down and threw him off me like a ragdoll. And then next thing I know, the entire Millbury Police Department tackles me to the ground. I'm fighting with them. It's 8 a.m. in the morning, right? As the first bell for class is is ring. And the entire school and faculty stood there while the Millbury Police Department picked me up screaming like a wild banshee, throwing a complete temper tantrum. They they pick me up off my feet and and they're holding me by my arms and legs while I'm flailing. And uh, they carry me out in in front of the school to the an ambulance that was waiting, and I'm still fighting with them. And one of the sergeants who knew me and my family really well because they were there all the time, he got in my face and he was like, Court me or calm down. He's like, dude, he's like, We're not even arresting you. We're gonna bring you to the hospital so you can try to get some help. So that was it. So I went to the hospital. I was cleared pretty quick. I was 18 at the time, so I was done with DYS. And there's a next part of that story that I don't even think is something we should share. But if you can believe it, it gets worse from there. And I'll just tell you that there was a 40-something-year-old man who allowed teenagers, high school kids to party with him at his house. I had nowhere else to go. That place seemed like a viable option. You can imagine what might have happened, which became a requirement in order for me to stay there. I'm talking sexual things that was first not consensual at all. The first experience was entirely unconsensual experience that I had tried to communicate to officials who thought it was funny because I was like a punk and a troublemaker. So the word get out, and people were teasing me, making making fun of me, and this and that. And I had compiled shame for giving this guy what he wanted. The amount of hatred for myself became through the roof, and I just took off. I traveled all over the place. And I was 18 years old. I went from 18 to 33 in a complete blackout oblivion. From drugs and alcohol.
SPEAKER_03Did you do multiple stints in county jail during that time?
SPEAKER_00Or little things. I I did I did one six-month bid for like cashing fake checks, which is like a whole there's so many like micro stories that are fascinating. They're embedded in this whole thing. And I would love to take the time to go through all of them because it's it's really interesting. But yes, so a couple of little things here and there, very unstable, bouncing all over the place, moving wherever I can, and just drug use, drug use, drug use to the point where I was completely homeless and separated from everybody who who cared for me because well, I was separated from them anyhow for the most part, but like I was just a liability.
SPEAKER_03So then at 33 is when you held up the convenience store. I know you've talked about that. You held up the clerk and she said John Wayne, take that mask off. And then that's how you ended up getting arrested for that. And that's what brought you to opportunity, right? So how long was your sentence?
SPEAKER_00I was very fortunate. So a masked arm robbery is a capital crime.
SPEAKER_03You had a real gun at that point?
SPEAKER_00It wasn't a weapon, it was a needle. But if you were a gang member or someone in jail, I was telling you that it was a gun. Trying to gass myself up to make it sound cool, but it wasn't cool. It was just a used needle. I saw it all the time on the television. I figured they get away with it. I might be able to get away with it. In retrospect, it's like they didn't get away with it. That's why you saw it on television. You don't think when you're in that state, and honestly, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. There's no way I'd be alive if it wasn't for that what divine intervention. I don't know what else to call it. They gave me two two and a half year sentences, ran concurrent. They botched the case, the detectives. I if I fought it, I could have had the whole thing dismissed. But at that point, I was ready for surrender. I wasn't trying to fight anything. I was done. I just want to wrap it up. So let's just get it over with. And so that was the deal. They they dropped it to a larceny from a person, still a felony, not a mass armed robbery. So that helped marginally. Yeah. So then the story kind of circles back to what we were talking about earlier and how I found my way up to the classroom and the other CEOs, they're like, Oh, you guys are gonna go do your Christmas carols, making fun of us. That's changed, by the way. They don't they don't act like that anymore.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I've heard that that there's been a change in the culture there, which is a good thing.
SPEAKER_00Big time.
SPEAKER_03Opportunity started in the fall of 2019, I believe, and you were part of the first group of musicians. So can we spend a little bit of time talking about how that was introduced to you and what that felt like for you?
SPEAKER_00I wanted to say, I think you guys played a major role in the culture change at that jail.
SPEAKER_03You mean the the opportunity program?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think that that was one of the things that broke that barrier. I mean, it's literally in your mission statement, which gets me emotional because it did, it changed everything, it changed the way that that jail operates. And the guys who are in stop and in any of these programs now, they have a much better shot. And I really think that that's that's connected to what you guys are doing. But in jail, when I'm reintroduced to music, there was a complete and utter oasis when I was in that class. So there was a stark contrast between jail, like your cell being on the unit, and class. Like you go to class and you're you're not even in jail. When we're there, like time flies, but in jail, time drags, like no matter what you're doing. So to have time fly for any length of time is awesome. You know, like you don't even feel like you're in custody, then you you get treated like a human, and it was just it was a very fascinating experience all around. But as far as the music, like I was just happy to participate. There's so much I don't know about music. I was eager to learn like what I could, and so that kind of motivated me, but it was a life changer. I don't know if that answered your question.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it it did. I recalled you saying that it kept you out of trouble as well.
SPEAKER_00Pretty close. I actually got assaulted. I got physically assaulted two weeks before our graduation. One of my brothers, the gang, he saw me give a coffee to somebody else that I had bummed off of somebody else to give to somebody. It wasn't even my coffee. I bummed it off someone to give to somebody else. And he saw me give it to the other person. He thought I was like holding out on him, so he like was mad. And so we went to the cell to talk about it. He punched me not once, but twice in the face. He was a big dude. I looked at him and I shook my head. And I was like, and I turned around and I walked away. I have never walked away from a fight, not in my entire life. Not one time. I don't need an excuse to get violent historically. Like I would gladly try to prove who I was to you. Never mind hitting me, like actually hitting me not once, but twice. And it was like autopilot, too. That's what was really Weird, like in retrospect, like I I just turned around on my heel and walked right out. It was like, there's no way I'm gonna I'm fighting you. Because if I had engaged, I was gonna get pulled out, thrown in the hole, and and taken out of that music program. And who the hell knows where I'd be right now? Like it wouldn't be it wouldn't be having this conversation with you. I wouldn't have my own apartment, wouldn't have a career in recovery, that's for sure. 100% was the lever that I grabbed onto, the incentive lever. I want to go to class, I want to graduate, I want to sing, I want to be a part of this. I'm not entertaining that. And I was able to go to the graduation.
SPEAKER_01The spring rain is falling onto your grave. It's making me know to all this big. It's okay, they say to feel so blue. Really help the heaven.
SPEAKER_00Heaven welcome to Well, the whole experience was just it feels dreamy when I think back of that class. Like it really does. It feels like a fever dream. Just the group that we had was very special. The songs that we wrote, like looking looking at the lyrics and stuff, it was just so so amazing. Like just there was so many, could there's so many things about that that was just so inspiring and inviting and connection.
SPEAKER_03Do you have some songs that were written during that time that stand out as like some of your favorites?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, the Mountain High one was one that I really enjoyed. Josh had a major role in that. And if you remember, that's when we requested the bass guitar so that he could play the bass guitar. Josh was a participant in the program and also a gang member that I was affiliated with. And we got high together on the streets. I had saved his life one time with Narcan. We were really close. And when he got out, he succumbed to the disease of addiction not long after. Uh so that was a major loss. But that group dynamic and the camaraderie and the staff, you guys are incredible. Like working with Professor Dan and Professor Tom was awesome. They were like good cop, bad cop, uh sometimes. And they broke me. I tried to rhyme everything thing, and they're like, just do object writing job. Invoke the senses. And and I was offended by that. How dare you tell me what to do? But those classes, the object writing, even just the basics of how to read music, that stuff stuck with me. It definitely helped my songwriting ability. I know that for sure, even though I feel like I've been in a like a song, a writer's block lately. Maybe this will help.
SPEAKER_02Hopefully, right? Maybe can you just talk a little bit about how you're doing now? What's your life look like?
SPEAKER_00So I got out in 2020.
SPEAKER_03So six years, and you've been sober for how long?
SPEAKER_00Since January 11th, 2019. So it's been seven years. The first like three years, I was on this remarkable, like uphill. I was doing really, really well. I had a relationship, I think, in like the third or fourth year, and it was a beautiful relationship. I I got a lot from it. For the most part, it was an amicable split, and I didn't handle that really well. I didn't handle that really well at all. Maybe attached to abandonment issues or you know, so I had resigned from the job, just feeling like that was what needed to happen to kind of separate and move on. And so I didn't take up another job. I had money in the bank. When we separated, like three months, I wasn't doing anything. Like I was doing just music gigs, and my goal was to try to stick with that. It didn't catch fire. I was I needed to figure something out. But then I saw an ad for poker. I got into gambling pretty, pretty bad. And I'm still recovering from that. I'm still struggling with the gambling addiction. It's been very challenging for the last year, but otherwise, you know, still sober. I'm I'm all about the community work. I do volunteer work as much as I can. I work with people around the clock, both voluntarily and professionally. I do everything I can to promote different nonprofits and and organizations that are trying to get people to pull their lives together because I was a very hopeless and uh very dangerous, I guess, person at one point. And now it's not the case. I could regulate for the most part I can regulate. I got emotional like seven times during this conversation, but for different reasons. But like I don't get angry like I used to. I'm not drug using, I'm not drinking anymore. I'm doing everything I can to support people. I'm gonna take your advice and try to get back into music as much as I can. I've been hearing that a lot lately, so that's a recurring theme, is something that I definitely need to lean into. But I really appreciate you reaching out and asking me to do this, and you've given me a lot of insight. I have a lot to unpack. Really appreciate that. Uh the emotion is kind of a signature of that truth. I do have a network, very supportive network of sober alcoholics. I if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have survived the gambling issue. I know that for a fact. So I do have support, it's there. And I learned how to create community and connections, probably by opportunity music connections. Like relearned it.
SPEAKER_03That's a solid way to end, John.
SPEAKER_01Make me up and take me home.
SPEAKER_03That was John Wayne Cormier. What I keep coming back to in this conversation is a through line. That John Wayne has thrived when he has had access to community and to affirmation, almost always through music, and he has fallen into his deepest trouble in the moments those have been cut off. Bullied as a kid in Canada, where he said the attitude started to develop. Back home in North Brookfield, briefly, a fifth-grade talent show where a studio executive told him he had something and a children's choir that was about to give him a place. Cut off by a move to Millbury at twelve, where within months he had joined a gang and was on his way to his first arrest at thirteen. Built back through football in junior year, where teammates voted him captain in what looked like a real turnaround. Cut off when he was pulled out of school and recommitted at 17 through no fault of his own. And what followed was fifteen years of homelessness and addiction. Built back finally, and most durably inside the jail, where he walked into our music program and described it as walking into a room full of his people. This is the harder version of that observation. When healthy forms of community were not available to him, he found community anyway. The gang at twelve was an answer to the same need. The need does not go away. This is what opportunity is at its essence. We are building community through music making. Music is one of the rare things that holds both pieces the community and the affirmation, the belonging and the being seen at the same time. That is why it can be deeply healing, and it is why the moment John Wayne walked away from a fight in the jail cafeteria that he otherwise would have taken every other moment of his life. The explanation was simple. Staying in the music program mattered more than throwing the punch. And one more thing I should say out loud. John Wayne is one of the most naturally gifted musicians I have ever met. His songs are deeply poetic, organically musical, hooky, inspiring. Every one of them has the bones of a hit. After he was released, he came back into the jail as a teaching artist with opportunity, an unprecedented step on the facility's part, and a source of real inspiration for the men with whom he worked. He has since made it his mission on the outside to help others struggling with addiction recover and heal. The community that was given to him is one he is now spending his life giving away. John Wayne, thank you for trusting me with your story. In each pulse, I take a piece from the conversation you just heard and turn it into something you can actually use in your work, whether you're teaching, running a program, or sitting on a board deciding what to fund. The piece from John Wayne's conversation I want to put in your hands today is this. People have two needs that show up together and have to be met together. Community, the feeling of belonging to a group of people who recognize you as one of their own, and affirmation, which is the specific experience of being seen and being told you have something. Music is one of the very few activities humans do that delivers both at the same time. That is why music programs can change people's lives when they work in ways that other programming often can't. But, and this is the part I want you to take into your week. Most music programs accidentally optimize for one of these pillars and starve the other. If you run an ensemble program, a choir, a band, a hip hop collective, a community drumline, you may be very good at building community. People show up, they belong. They wait for each other after rehearsal, they wear their merch. But ask yourself, if any given session is each individual participant being specifically heard? Are they being named? Does someone in the room tell them by name with detail what they did well, what they have, what they should keep doing? If the answer is no, you have community without affirmation. People will love being there, but the deeper change will not happen. If you run a private lesson or individual development program, you may be very good at affirmation. The teacher knows the student, sees the growth, gives meaningful feedback. But ask yourself, who else in this student's life knows what they are working on? Is there a peer group of other musicians who recognize them as one of their own? If the answer is no, you have affirmation without community. The student may develop real skill, but the deeper sense of belonging that holds people through hard moments will not be there. Here is a diagnostic I want to leave you with. Three questions for your own program. One, does every participant in every lesson have a moment where someone named something specific about them? Not good job today. The line you wrote in the second verse where you use the word cold was the moment the whole song turned. Keep doing that. That is affirmation. Two, is your group structure actually producing community, or is it just co-presence? Co-presence is people in the same room. Community is people who will text each other when one of them doesn't show up. The difference is whether you've built rituals, opening circles, peer shout-outs, shared decisions that require participants to acknowledge each other by name. Three, is there a public-facing moment? A performance, a recording, a release, a show, where each individual's contribution is visible inside a collective product. The recording is the thing that lets a participant point to add it and say to a parent, a partner, a probation officer, that's mine, and that's ours. If you can say yes to all three, you are building a program that does what John Wayne said our program did for him. It becomes a room full of his people, and it becomes more important than the fight in the cafeteria. That is not a personality outcome, that is a design outcome. If you're working through any of this in your own program and you want to think it out loud with someone, write to me. The whole point of this segment is the conversation it starts. That's the pulse. See you next time. Thank you to our listeners for tuning in. If this conversation resonated, please subscribe, share, and leave a review. It really helps others find the show. You can also send me your questions or coaching topics at opportunitymusic.org slash in tune, and I might feature them in a future episode. That's O P P O R T-U-N-E-I-T-Y-Music.org slash in tune. Until next time, stay inspired, stay connected, and keep making music that brings people together.