#045 - International - Fixing English Cricket, Soccer and everything else

This week on International Sports Biz, John and Martin bring you the latest from the World Cup, attempt the impossible by fixing English cricket, and dive into the centuries-old spectacle of Calcio Storico. Along the way, they hit the crack, launch a load of swank, and uncover the stories that make the world of sport so brilliantly bizarre.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:12

Good evening, sports biz family, and welcome to episode number 44 with more frivolity, fun and pheromones with Mr. Martin Minnow, aka the dog. Evening. Is that all we get? That's all you get. Okay, and myself, John Briggs or Briggsy as some of you prefer to call me. We are the best podcast who's ever lived. No doubt. We hit all the open cracks on sport. All the time. Because sport is life and life is sport. What's happening? Martin.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

The world game. The round ball game, John. It has taken over America. It has. They are the first nation to officially say they like the Scots. I know. What's all that about? Well, they didn't understand what drinking beer was about until the last week or so. And their pubs couldn't handle it. Exactly. So yeah, World Cup soccer going a bit berserk. Yep. We've got some uh World Cup T20. Yeah. Women's Cricket as well. Right. We have a bit of an overview of the upcoming con games. Commonwealth games, a bit of a chat about what they are, why they're important. Yeah. Where they are, they kick off on July 23. Wonderful. So about a month. Yep. So I think earlier when you said it was a month, and I said, no, it's not. I was saying, doesn't really matter. I was close to being right. Very good. And of course, we we need to um just gently, gently discuss the state of, shall we say, English cricket. Yes. Just sad, isn't it? No. It's not bloody sad at all. It's freaking beautiful. It's embarrassing. It's the it's the game that they don't play in heaven, because that's rugby union. Indeed. But if they did play it in heaven, England would be this bad. Yeah, they would. Yeah. They'd be short. To Haiti, not Haiti. Haiti. Well, they're out of the World Cup. Oh, that's a shame. Everyone loves an island. That's why everyone loves Australia. I got a bit of a wacky. Yeah, good. For tonight as well. So going very uh cosmopolitan.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

Oh, wonderful.

SPEAKER_01 2:31

Yes. Well, can I I'm gonna kick off on my joke, Martin.

SPEAKER_02 2:34

You know, because joke, Martin. Yes. Because. Isn't it madness that we live in a world, Martin, where intelligent people are all told to stay silent.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

So stupid people are not offended. Utter madness, John. A young lad, good-looking chap. Where from? Uh Yorkshire. Yorkshire. A young, good-looking Yorkshireman. Yeah, goes into a nightclub. Okay. He manages to score the hot barmaid.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

Yeah. Nice.

SPEAKER_00 3:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:08

Okay. They go back to hers. Yes. Make very passionate love. Lovely. Passionate love. Yorkshire men aren't really known for that.

SPEAKER_02 3:16

No, they're not, but there you go. Anyway, they have great sex. Way, hey, hey. Hey, hey. Here by gummas. That's better. Right. You know, and they do a bit of everything.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

Spotter cunning lingus as well. Oh, spotterful. Indeed, yes. Anyway, if you know what I mean. Hey, oh. Wink. Wink. Nudge, nudge. That's right. So the next night the young man goes back to the nightclub. Yes. And probably to see if he can score again. Well, yeah. You know, why wouldn't you? Well. Indeed. The milk is there. But the police are there.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

Yeah. And they say, young man, young man, you need to come over here for a random drug test.

SPEAKER_02 3:56

Right. And the young man says, I don't do drugs. He says, Well, you've got to take the test. So, do I have to you blow into this thing here? Right. So he did, and it came back as positive. He, you know, he'd been taking drugs according to the test. He says, How neasy you need you need to come to the station, lad. But I haven't done anything, I didn't do it, I don't do drugs.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

He goes, and the policeman says, Well, it must have been that barbituate.

SPEAKER_03 4:36

They're gonna split my sides. Barbituate. Oh, John.

SPEAKER_02 4:43

What do you got, Martin? Let's kick off, eh? Well, I think it has to be the soccer.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

Yeah, it has to be the soccer. And uh, if I was going to cheers a soccer team, yeah, who would it be, John? For outstanding performances above and beyond the expectation. Right. Who would I be cheersing? Cape Valide.

SPEAKER_03 5:08

Ah, sure.

SPEAKER_01 5:11

Yeah, I have them in my notes as well. The Cape. The Cape. The Cape.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

I used to wear one of them. Bloody hell. Two drawers against bloody good teams. I know. But I mean Uruguay, what are they? Three time.

SPEAKER_02 5:25

Yeah, something like that, I think they are actually. Wow. It's an amazing effort. It's absolutely brilliant. And that is your fairy tale story. Weren't they Spain? They drew with Spain.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

So they've drawn twice. Yeah. But more importantly, Spain was a nil all draw. Yes. So these are their first two goals. Yeah. That they've scored in the World Cup. Still can't get a win. But good on them. They may qualify. Well, now they might. I think they're in third in the group, I believe. Well, they would be. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because wouldn't their group include Saudi Arabia and Spain? I think Saudi are going down. I think they are going down, going out. Yeah, yeah. I think they're going out. Yeah, they're going that that wouldn't have won anything. Back to the sand. They haven't won or drawn anything. This is true. Slippery. They'll be oil down. Hang on, hang on. Hang on. Hang on. They're on the slippery slope of going out of the group stage. Very good. I'll give you a Yeah. Well. What uh well, what's what's been good? New Zealand lost 3-1. Yeah, their first match in how many years that they've lost in the World Cup. Well, a bloody long time, because they won their previous one. No, they drew. Oh no, no, no. They won. They sure they won one. I think they did. You're right. They did. Yeah. Where did they win one? I don't know. But anyway. Well no, they drew with a RAM 2-2.

SPEAKER_02 6:53

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

No, no, they won something. Did they? I can't. I want to know now. Oh, it does it really matter. It's New Zealand. Well, I want to know if they're total crap or just basically crap. It is New Zealand. It's important. While you're doing that, I want to do a clicker, Smartin. Did you find it? Nah.

SPEAKER_03 7:10

Well, I didn't. Oh, you didn't. You were so quick to say no.

SPEAKER_01 7:14

Like the answer was obvious. It was dark. It was too dark. Anyway. Should have opened it. In the US Gulf Open. Yeah. In shiny cock hills. Oh, well, that's why you didn't find it. You're chasing a little set of bulls around a shiny cock hill. Shiny Cock Hills, look it up. The US Open, just gone, just finished. Has it really? Yes, a couple of days ago. Yeah. See, no one cares when the World Cup's. Well, that's right, exactly. However, they did not even know. The clicker is Martin. They did care that Paige Speranic was there.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

Paige? Look her up, right now. You're on camera here, and I want to see your face. Alright. Just Paige. Hang on, is this heard of her?

SPEAKER_01 8:05

Is this is this male or female? She's a female professional golfer. Okay. Who has made a lot more money doing Buchers? Paige Spiranic. Just go S, but it'll go. Spiranic. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:19

And she was there.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

Why does it not say here she's a golfer? Or was she just there?

SPEAKER_01 8:29

She's a golfer. She's a golfer as well. Oh, yes. Right. Who has made an absolute fortune out of not being a golfer? Well, yes. Spent an absolute fortune by the look of this at the at the local plastic surgeon.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

I don't know if it is or not.

SPEAKER_01 8:46

However, she's very, very popular indeed. I reckon it is, mate. She's she's incredibly popular. She's not unattractive, to be fair.

SPEAKER_02 9:01

And she's feeling that might. Depends whether you're going to go for a hole in one on the back nine.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

Did she win? No, she didn't play in it. She just turned up. Oh, okay. Sorry. I thought she was playing in it. To promote herself, so to speak. Well, and she would have done well. So she was at Shinycock Hills. Starting to understand the brevity of the name now. Indeed. Geez the page.

SPEAKER_02 9:30

Displaying her ass at and other things spilling out everywhere and about. Yep. What started off as about 25 degrees, ended up about 50.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

Right. Is she going to um is she going to explode all over social media like the New Zealand soccer player did when he was the least popular and then like got fired new people. She's already think she's already at those numbers? I would check, I'd be guessing. I'd be thinking you might be right. Just um Okay. Well, good on her. Before you go on, just a real quick bite here. Yeah. I'm going to interlope. Interlope? Yes. Lovely. Thank you. Into your world of athletics. It's also a little bit of mine, too, but. I thought you were going to be found on the Serengeti. Oh no, that's an antelope, indeed. Sorry. That's right. Exactly. Okay, you interlope. It's a bit like when David Warner, the cricketer, got mixed up between being a s being the scapegoat and what he called himself as the escapegoat.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

Oh, now that's not the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

It sort of is. It isn't the same. The both animals that look what you've what you've done there is you've fallen in to the scenario where you look at things that David Warner does and you start to critique them. And you've got to remember, can't help it. You've got to remember there's a little caveat at the bottom of all of his statements. There's a little caveat. And it's just a bit dim at times. Times. Hey, I'll do that. I'm prepared to say no one's dim all the time.

SPEAKER_02 11:13

Does he have anything behind the eyes or between the ears whatsoever?

SPEAKER_01 11:18

Maybe we can make it a thing. We could find out. 89. So 2,000 test runs of SMART somewhere. Athletics. Jacob Thorpe smashed the world 110 metres hurdles record. Oh, I did see this.

SPEAKER_02 11:32

Yeah, I know. I did see this. He's only 20.

SPEAKER_01 11:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:37

Clock's 12.75 seconds.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

That's a solid. Well, the previous record. Considering the hurdles come up to your chin. I know. 110 as well, remember. It's not 100.

SPEAKER_02 11:49

That's a cracking effort, really. One extra hurdle. Yep. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

But we're going to cover athletics a little bit later with the new section. Which are we? Well, we are. What's the new section, John, for later in this podcast? Something like swankery. What a load of swank. What a load of swank. What a load of swank. Well, that could be an exciting couple of minutes. It's a good job we don't have a visual for that, isn't it? So cheers, we're cheers to that.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

Oh, that's just messy.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

But he's been discussed later too. I thought that's where we were going. Sorry. The soccer. Well, we've lost a bit of trust. Segway. I think Paige Barani has mowers off track. Let me ask you a question. Yeah. We're just going to go straight into the World Cup. Yeah. Mbappe. Yeah, brilliant. Good player. Yeah. What's he done in the World Cup so far? Well, he scored two goals yesterday. I think he scored one other as well. So um Harry Kane. He scored two. Good player. Yeah. Scored a couple. Yeah. Messi, good player. Sets a world record. Yep. Messi, good player. Scored three or four? Five, I think. Five already. Which that's bloody good effort.

SPEAKER_03 13:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

How's um how's Cristiano going? Shit.

SPEAKER_00 13:14

Oh. But isn't he? Isn't he a rocket?

SPEAKER_01 13:18

Isn't he? He's on that caliber, isn't he? He was. He's 40. Well, how old are these other guys? Yeah, 38. Harry's 32. Oh, there's not a big difference. There's a big difference between 38 and 32. Yeah, but differ. Okay, let's look at let's look at um uh Messi and Ronaldo.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

They're very different sort of players. Yes. So Messi's a dribbler, so he is an amazing dribbler. He's a great shot scorer as well. Possession holder. Yeah, but he's so good at just keeping the ball. That's right, moving around three or four players, and either passing it or scoring, whichever. He's just amazing at that. The best of the modern era in that skill. Ronaldo is a great shot taker as well. He is a great a really good passer, he reads the game brilliantly. He's probably more of a team player, but it what it means is he has to do more work. So when you get to his age, the workload for that kind of player is it it can be too much.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

So I mean, look, he's still obviously very, very good, but whether he's good enough to be playing at that level right now, could he be a liability? Yes. Oh, you didn't take long to think about that, didn't you? No, and well, it's been discussed for a couple of years, actually. Right, at the international level. Yeah. Yeah. Because Well, how Portugal going? Because I heard a rumour that Portugal on paper are the best team in the World Cup this year. Nah. No. The players they've got in their best 11. I've read that they are considered the highest rated team. That's a writer's opinion. Now that's sorry, let me rephrase that. The highest rated group of players. Yeah. It's not the same as being a team. Look, and that's the team. They're a group of great players. And that might be true. However, as a team, you're right, I'm just saying that they're not performing brilliantly. Haven't done for a little while. I think they're only third in the group at the moment. Yeah. Actually. Now I'm going to put it out there. Go on then. Portugal in their first game. Yeah. Do you remember what they didn't do? They didn't win. Yeah, they drew. And they drew one all with the Democratic Republic of Congo. Yeah. Powerhouse. Yeah. Absolute throbbing powerhouse of soccer. Yeah. On the world stage. That was Congo's first ever goal. Right. At the World Cup. So here's what I would say about Ronaldo. Unlike those other attention hogs, those attention-seeking, limelight hogging semi-gotted superstars in their own lunchboxes. Uh-huh. What Christina, what Cristiano Ronaldo has done, is swallowed his pride to ensure that a minnow nation can secure their first ever points in the world.

SPEAKER_02 16:10

Well, listen, that's so unselfish.

SPEAKER_01 16:11

Now he's he is the epitome of the world game. Not this attention-seeking, I'm going to score three goals in my first game. Messi. Look at me, look at me, look at me. No. Ronaldo said, I'm going to play in the background. Martin. Does that sound fair? Hold this. Oh, that's a bit of an arse. It is, isn't it? Ow! That's just, I don't think we're gonna do this again. We're gonna hit the hitting the crack. Oh, is that what that was?

SPEAKER_00 16:43

There was no crack.

SPEAKER_02 16:44

We're hitting the crack. There was no crack. There was enough of a crack. So it's in the crack. Crazy moments in world sport. This week. This week of the US Open Golf, Rory McElroy hit a wayward tee shot that ended up in a car park.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

Guess what happened, Martin? It bounced. Well, it did. A few times. Did it bounce back onto the green? No. No. Far more ordinary than that. Well, you know the rules, don't you? Well, yeah. And a spectator who was in the car park, what did she do? Ran off with it? Well, wanted a trophy. So she picked up the ball. Yeah. Yep. If it was Paige, you wouldn't have found it again. Well, this is true. That's right, yeah. And she would have played hide and seek, and everybody would have gone, yes, please.

SPEAKER_02 17:35

They would have said my turn. But I told you that Paige Sprannie would ruin this day for you, didn't I? So anyway, yeah, so she picked the ball and the crowd in unison as she shouted, no, but it didn't stop her.

SPEAKER_01 17:50

She stood there, just a sick. Well, hang on a minute, but no means no. Right. So she should have let go of the ball. She should have done it. No means no. I know. And what did she do? She kept it. Until the official came over. Ah, smacked it out of the year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:06

The angry, angry crowd shouting a loony and all this kind of stuff at her. So, Martin, you have a um wacky sport.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

I believe. Well, I do. I do. Let's go the wacky. What do you know about uh Italy? 1500s. Oh, mate, Florence. Not really. What do you know about the great, great sport? And I'm gonna butcher it. Let's go on. Uh calico storico. Oh my god, you just ask me any question about that, Martin, and I will not have a clue what you're talking about. Right. Let's dive in, shall we, to calico storico. Are you supposed to say that with an Italian accent? Yeah, but I can't do that. I mean, I could try, but I'm not going to because I don't even my mouth doesn't do it. Galigostorico. Florentino. Yes, I do know it's from Florence. So this is a this is a basic sport. Yeah, it's a little bit like rugby union. Okay. With a little bit of soccer. Yeah. A hell of a lot of boxing. Oh, good. MMA. Yep. Awesome. Um, and just all round bloody violent. Sounds like a game I'd enjoy. Yes, yes. And it still goes on to this day. Oh, wow. So this is a yearly celebration linked with St. John the Baptist, who is the uh patron saint of Florence. Is he really? In Italy. Yes. Didn't know that. Didn't know that either. However, the first match of Calico Storico was played on the 17th of February 1530. So this is a bloody long time ago. And this was basically a way to keep troops in the army when they weren't at war fit and fighting. Okay. Now they would, wouldn't they? This is going to be a series of great videos that we can put on the socials because these guys are nuts. So basically there's four teams. There's the Azuri, which are the blue team, the Rossi, which are the red team, the Bianchi, which are the white team, and then the Verdi, which are the green team. Right. They draw names out of a hat. Yeah. And then there's two games. And the winners go on to the final. So that's all it is. So what have we got? This is played on a soccer style field. Yes. Twice as long as it is wide. The goals at either end are the entire width. And all you have to do is pretty much is drop the ball over the fence into the goal area. Right. There's a couple of goalies that go backwards and forwards, but that's all you need to do. So let's take a bit of a closer look at the makeup of the team. Each team has 27 players. That gives us no substitutions, no injuries, no expelled players. Wow. Absolutely nothing. It gruns for 50 minutes. Right. So you've got 15 halves in total. Two halves. Yeah, okay. Yep, 25 minutes each. So let's look at this. You've got four goalkeepers, you've got three full backs, five halfbacks, and 15 forwards. Now, when the cannons and the flares go off, the 15 forwards beat the living snot out of each other. Yeah. In any way they can. Basically, no rules. And the idea is it's a game. Of attrition. So they beat each other to a pulp.

SPEAKER_00 22:05

They punch, kick, trip, tackle, hack, wrestle, anything they can, and it turns into an all-out brawl until there's enough players of one colour on the ground. Right. And then the other guys pick the ball up and run with it.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

There you go. And then basically they get chased down and beaten up again. So hunger games. Yes, exactly. And you've got to score. So every time you score a goal, it's worth a point. Uh-huh. And if it goes, if you go over the top of where the goals are instead of into the goals, you get half a point. And whoever's got the most points at the end wins. Obviously. So it is essentially a 50-minute all-in brawl. And when I show the videos, I don't mean an AFL brawl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean an MMA fight brawl. Uh-huh. Yeah. With 27 people on each team.

SPEAKER_02 23:00

Broken jaws and.

SPEAKER_01 23:01

If you can't continue, remember there's no substitutions. Yeah. So if you cannot continue, then you have to go if you did, you don't get replaced. Yeah, wow. So it'd be part of the aim of the game to absolutely smash your opponent so they can't continue. So one might ask, other than the scoring and the positions, are there any other rules? There is one unofficial rule that is a very important rule. It's always one-on-one.

SPEAKER_02 23:34

Oh, right.

SPEAKER_01 23:36

So there's no how many refs? Six. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. So there's no two, three guys on one. Yeah. So as soon as you beat your opponent down, and they can't get up, you're then free to go and get the ball. Yeah. What a game. So just is it a round ball? Round ball. A round ball game. Yep. And so let's take a look. It's another round ball game. So for the last three years, the Rossi Reds have won it. Yeah. And before that, the Blues won it twice. No tournament in 2020. Uh-huh. COVID. COVID, yes. And the Reds won it two years before that. So basically, the Reds have won the lot five out of the last seven. Right, they're the main city of uh essentially. Right. Wow. Yeah. So nuts. I'm gonna put some stuff up. It is a massive spectacle. Obviously. So the whole city of Florence stops. Yeah, kind of. Yeah, yeah. Chuck is that one of those weird bloody noise things, Martin, if you don't mind. Thank you very much. That'll do. Yeah. Is that is that a is that a bull runner? Or is that a what the hell's that? I just thought I'd siren something or other. Just because we're going for time, Martin. Uh we're we're flying, mate. We are flying. We've got uh that will give us about ten minutes. Ten minutes. Can I go to a new section? Well, that is the wackiest of whacks that I've seen in a long time of wacky sport. With a lot of whacking. And there'll be uh videos of that. Yes. I'm gonna have put it. Okay, the new section is. Oh, yes. What a load of swank. What? I think I'm gonna stop. What a load of swank. Uh we need a bucket. Mate. I'd tell you. Just a little tub. People who think they know about sport. Right. Who are these people?

SPEAKER_02 25:38

Oh, just people on social media or or think people with younger people, maybe, who think they've got a little bit of knowledge and all the rest of it. That yesterday sorry, today's sportsmen are so much better than yesterday's sportsmen because of modern nutrition and training techniques.

SPEAKER_01 25:56

Ah. What a load of swank. You agree with me? Wonderful. Yeah, I oh yeah, there's some stuff that doesn't add up in that world.

SPEAKER_02 26:05

Well, look, I mean, people then say, well, you know, the hundred metres has been broken, etc., over the years. Just look at that, and the same with the marathon, the same. Yep. Same with, same with, same with cycling records. Well, there's one big thing about those in the last 30 years or more, maybe 50 years. Yep. And it's called steroids. Right. In fact, only a tennis player yesterday, who won Wimbledon four years ago, or won Wimbledon a couple of years ago, has been banned for four years. Female player, I can't remember her name now. Ah. Yes. So it's in every sport and has been since the 1950s. A sinner? I know.

SPEAKER_04 26:39

Let's not go there. Terrible.

SPEAKER_02 26:41

Let's not go there. So anyway, let's forget drugs and let's say, because their argument constantly is modern train.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

What is a modern training technique? What does that mean? I don't know what that means. It means you've got an exercise scientist instructing an exercise physiologist who then works with a specialized sports trainer who works with a very, very special sports psychologist. That's right. And when you put all those ologists together, you end up needing a cream. Well, what a load of sweet. What a load of sweep. And you need to apply it two times a day. Well, complete. Let's just let's okay.

SPEAKER_02 27:28

So let's just look at the long jump as a yardstick to measure uh so-called improvement.

SPEAKER_01 27:36

So do you do you think in the old days they measured it with a yardstick? Well, they may well have done. I was waiting for that, but well done, Martin. They probably use a tape measure, but there you are. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 27:46

Anyway, Jesse Owens in 1935 leapt in the long jump eight meters and thirteen centimetres.

SPEAKER_01 27:57

Unbroken for 25 years. When did he do that? 1935. 1935.

SPEAKER_02 28:05

So if they improve over a quarter of a century, why wasn't that record broken?

unknown 28:11

Tracks.

SPEAKER_02 28:12

Well, we'll talk about the improvement tracks and footwear and everything else in a little while. But so why was that record not broken?

SPEAKER_01 28:18

If they're all improving with nutrition and modern training techniques, that record should be broken all the time. Should it be? The only thing I will contest with the time is maybe modern techniques and improved training, maybe not between 1935 and 1960. I don't know. Okay, all right. Well then let's look at I mean we did try and have a like three wars in that time. Well you did, yeah. Maybe that got in the way of the long jump. Maybe it did. But I don't know. But I understand your point. Phil Shinnick, who was never mentioned, he beat Ah, Phil Shinnick. He beat um uh Jesse Odin's world record in 1963, and he jumped eight metres thirty-three. So it took a long time. Took a long time, but that's a good break. Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_02 29:10

So then there was only a short break until the monumental jump from Bob Beaman.

SPEAKER_01 29:14

Oh, yes, who did eight meters ninety in nineteen sixty-eight. That stood for twenty-three years as well. Okay, that's harder. Yeah, I know. So that's in modern times. And if you want to talk steroids, yeah, I mean that's the heyday. 70s and 80s. Yes, but that was 60s. That was in the 60s. Yeah, no, what I mean is for it to stand for 23 years through the USSR and the USA in the 70s and 80s. Yeah, so why was it broken then? Until Mike Powell, in a showdown with Carl Lewis, actually. They were good days, yeah. Watching those two boys. Well, Lewis actually broke the record. He actually broke the world record in this showdown. Yep. And then Powell went 895. Said that's record. He literally did a hold my beer, cha-ching. I need to have another jump. Absolutely. He did, actually. But that record still stands now 35 years later. That's a little more unacceptable. So why has that not been broken? If modern training techniques and nutrition, you know, a little bit more knowledge about a potato and cauliflower. I would have also thought in a jumping sense, the biomechanics of technique and strength would be significantly better in the last 35 odd years.

SPEAKER_02 30:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

Uh, but uh what I would say, with a just a modicum of knowledge on the long jump, is it's not a discussion point of why it hasn't been broken. It's gone. The discussion point is why are they not within 20 centimetres? I know.

SPEAKER_00 30:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:53

It's not that it's not broken unless these guys weren't clean. Well, there is that. Who knows? That's right. So who knows? I don't think there's ever been a conjecture about Mike Powell. No, I don't think so. I think he was obviously clean. I mean, we know Lewis probably wasn't. That's gone. Yeah. Yeah. But I I no one's gets over much over 850 anymore. I know. So let's roll that in two, because we've got another subject to do after this, I believe.

SPEAKER_02 31:20

I think you've got something else to cover. So this is two minutes on this. Yes. But fast bowlers in cricket. Oh yes. So Jeff Thompson, they reckon bowled. Some people say, Greg Chappell reckons closer to one, I know it sounds a bit weird, but possibly 170 kilometres an hour.

SPEAKER_01 31:39

Okay. Because uh a number of his bowls at the Wacker sight screen on the f after one bounce on the full. Yeah. Yeah, it's travelling, innit? Yep. Well, you did you did say in our last Australian podcast that Dennis Lilly was expected to be round the 160. And Tomo was quicker. And I think most people in the cricket worlds realize that Tomo was quicker. That's right. Yeah. Now he was early 1970s. So again, we're looking at what 56 years ago.

SPEAKER_02 32:11

So in more than half a century, yes, show it back to bold quicker. But he was also done for drugs, by the way. He had to serve a ban. He did. Absolutely he did.

SPEAKER_00 32:21

How's that escaped my don't know?

SPEAKER_02 32:23

There you go. Yeah, okay. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 32:26

Brett Lee was 155 on maybe a six 158. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Brett Brett Lee hit 160. Yeah. But again, pretty sure. Sean Tate hit 160. Yeah. But the thing is, why on the they've gone backwards since then? I mean those guys, are they 20 years, 15 years ago now?

SPEAKER_02 32:43

Sean Tate? Easy. Yeah. Nearly 20 years ago.

SPEAKER_01 32:45

Be at least 20 years ago. Yeah, right. 20 years ago. A long time. Yeah. So why to go to be worse? Not be the same. No. Be worse. Nowhere near as quick. Mark Wood, 155. Everybody goes, woo, isn't that amazing? Something a bit funny going on. I I would say shouldn't pick on that. It's probably the last time you heard the word amazing linked with anything with English cricket. Oh, it's not working. What a shame. Doesn't need to work, mate. Doesn't need to work. Well, there you go. So I'll I'll I'll throw one in there. Not quite the same, but it is linked to something we were talking about the other day. We were talking about the famous Roger Bannister four-minute mile. Yep. Um, and he broke it. He was the first man to break it. What did he get it down to? More. He got it down to a 358.8. Okay, yeah. So when are we talking? 60. 60 years ago? More. Yeah, six 63, 64? Yeah, I can't remember the mid-60s for Roger Bannister. Yeah. So then you say, okay, so that's a mile on Cinders. Mm-mm. The track. That's a good thing. So Cinders is not a great track. It's loose, and every time you put your foot on it and spikes, it moves. Yeah. We've got some pretty good technology in tartan tracks these days. Yeah. What's the mile world record on the track now? Tell me, Martin. Well, it's done by, I'll say, one of my all-time favourite runners. Yeah. Hishamel Garouz. Of course. From the uh from Morocco at 343.1. Still only 15 seconds. I know, that's right. Which, whilst you might argue that's a lot, it's a 1600-meter race. Mm-hmm. Yes, it's right. So 15 seconds is one second per hundred meters quicker. Yep. It's not that much on supremely brilliant tracks.

SPEAKER_02 34:48

That's right. The tracks keep getting better, better shoes, better spikes, all of that.

SPEAKER_01 34:52

So it's not that much better. No, and the same with pools and swimming as well. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 34:57

The one that cracks me up most of all is boxing when these idiots get on these boxing forums that I'm on and they talk about uh boxing is best today because the nutrition and modern training techniques.

SPEAKER_01 35:06

Dodging a hanky or a pool noodle apparently is a modern training technique. Why can't Jake Poole do more than three rounds at two minutes? Exactly right. So, anyway, that is today's What a Load of Swan. Okay. Sartin, what do you got? What have I got? I've got. Need to. Are we cheersing again? We're cheersing again. Oh my god. We have to cheese again. This is important. We're going a third one. Yes. Well, there's a lot to do. So this is not. We've only got five minutes. No, we haven't. No, we have. We need to talk about the English cricket team. You already have. And that's going to take more than five minutes. Well, look, we could do that. You're drinking like the Scots. So your team's in disarray. You've plummeted to New Zealand without Kane Williamson at home. You didn't even come close. 273 runs. You got a basket case of an organization. I'm going to go on a rant here. It's going to be another rant. You're going to enjoy this. Oh, this is gold. Bad boy. You're going to invite you off the helmet. You're going to invite these idiots back into the team. Possibly give the number one idiot the captaincy back. I know who will. After giving it to the captain who's got a staunch record of failure as a captain. He's the only one. Now I'm not picking on Joe Root, but his captaincy record is god-awful. Not his full. No, it's not that bad. But who else can they give it to? The vice captain? No, because he's a brawling drinker in New Zealand. Can you give it to the next most experienced player? Mr. Ben, I can't find my way home from Noosa to the hotel. Duck it. Can't give it to him either. So, John, go on. I've given this some thought. Yes, please. Cheers. To the shit that is England cricket right now. Not just on the field, I think it's more off the field. But I've got a plan. I gave this some thought, ladies and gentlemen. I hope it's more intelligent than what you're coming out with so far. Let's do it, Martin. Come on. I will look for feedback on whether this is good, intelligent, and relevant or not. And I guarantee you, yes, it is. But this plan of mine, this is, I think this is a map. I can't believe this hasn't been done before. Yeah. But I think it could fix it. Because right now, and you've got to hear me out, you've got to hear me out. Right now, we've got a couple of issues with the English cricket team. One is clearly the way they are playing their test matches. Can't wait to get my back here. Go on. The bad stuff, all that crap. Yeah. The other issue is also where they're underachieving, which is their off-field pub drinking, fighting celebrations. They're not doing too well there either. Now, one thing that England knows when they compete in sport, when they're no good, they become Great Britain.

SPEAKER_00 38:04

Oh, Pollock. So this is the answer, John.

SPEAKER_01 38:07

What the England cricket team needs to do is to bring in Scotland, but stay with me. Bring in Ireland. I'm not so concerned about Wales, but it would have given you you and Morgan, uh, Ian Morgan. So it's Irish your turd. Oh, whatever it was, who cares? Bring in the other three nations like you do in the Olympics when you can't compete on the world stage.

SPEAKER_00 38:27

So you bring in extra countries, and here's what it does. Number one, number one, you get a bigger pool of selection of cricketers.

SPEAKER_01 38:36

So your on-field cricketers will be better. I also think you've got a better choice of coach, so you'll get a better coach. But more importantly, your beer drinking will be governed by the Scots and the Irish. And at that point, you are gonna nail that even better. So the I say, I say, forget this ECB crap. It's G B and N I all the way. Fair enough. The chess cricket. Cheers, my good man. Cheers. I just fixed English cricket in the space of five minutes. Well, I have a slightly it is ridiculous, and I have to say this that no one gives a shit.

SPEAKER_02 39:18

This is a theory. Well, they will. You'll uh this one, I'm sure. What have you got? That with a New Zealand coach playing against New Zealand. I mean, what about this for a theory? Oh, yes. That he's actually really, really a spy from New Zealand. So England lose to New Zealand. Oh! Paid for by the Australians because they are really the same country. You know, you are New Zealand.

SPEAKER_01 39:39

Oh, well, I think No. Anyway, so just like saying you are Ireland. Uh however, however, it would have been far too obvious for us to insert a coach. Well, wouldn't it? That would have been really obvious. Well, hang on a second, though. So we used the little balls. That's what I just said. Yeah, okay. So we've used them as cannon fodder. Yeah, pretty much. Well, we're getting on to the Commonwealth games, aren't we? And then we've got. England also have a bowling coach who is a former New Zealand fast bowler who was instructing our bowlers to bowl, to bowl halfway up the pitch. And who is this? It's Salvey. Tim Southy. Yes. He's your bowling coach. Yes. It just gets How is this possible? It's a get the foot out of here. You've got a New Zealand head coach, a New Zealand bowling coach, and a New Zealand captain. Yes. And you can't beat New Zealand. Yes. At this stage, there's one match to go. Well, there's one match to go.

SPEAKER_02 40:42

However, we have to sign off because it isn't quite a good night.

SPEAKER_01 40:46

But England are playing tomorrow morning against 9 o'clock our time? I think it's 9 a.m. I think it's reasonable. Oh, Henry told me it was six. Anyway, it doesn't really matter. It might be. Cheers to England. Come on, England. Let's bring it home. Cheers to England. Bring what home? We were bringing the Cup since 1966. We invented the game, it's our game. Well, you did. Yes. This is why you bring it home. So, yes, this is true. It is. This is true. We are paying homage to the two Ronnies. The legends. Absolutely, of comedy. The legends. So this means we have run out of time today. It does. So we will take on notice and roll over to the next international podcast. Yep. Because we've got time, the overview of the 2026 Commonwealth Games. Brilliant idea. We can do that. Yeah. That is no issue. Yeah, we'll also have an F1. Oh, there should be another race by it. Yeah, there would be. There will be further developments in the World Cup. They'll be done with the group stages by then, won't they? Well, Australia might be on the way. That's success. No. I think we know Turkey have laid one. Yeah, I think so. This year for a $600 million team. Yeah. And that's it. Probably haven't done enough. So, in the immortal words of the two Ronnies, it's his good night from me. And it's good night from him. Good night. Good night.