Do We Love... Repetitive Behavior

Repetition can be comfort, comedy, or a full-blown relationship trigger, and we get into all three. We talk about repetitive behavior through the lens of autism awareness month, why repeating yourself can be necessary for neurodiversity and support needs, and why it feels totally different when someone hears you and still makes you say it again. We also share the boundary we keep coming back to: one clear repeat is fair, but respect starts with acknowledgment.

From there we pivot into real-life routines and how they collide. Easter brings a mix of long-held traditions, blended family food, and the chaos of two households trying to do “the usual” at the same time. Then we tell the story we cannot stop laughing about: roast chicken cooked upside down not once, but twice, and somehow it becomes a new tradition because it comes out unbelievably juicy. If you love home cooking tips, relationship humor, and small mistakes that turn into wins, this part is for you.

We also share a serious health update: weeks of hoarseness, an ENT scope, a dysphonia diagnosis, early vocal cord nodules, and what voice rest actually requires (no projecting, no yelling, and yes, no whispering). We talk coping strategies for mental health and anxiety, why music is our go-to when we’re stuck in our heads, and how adult friendships survive when schedules, distance, and health issues make spontaneity hard. We wrap with quick hits on house projects with a partner, where we watch reels and TikToks, driver vs passenger princess energy, night in vs night out, and when texting beats calling.

If any of this sounds like your life, hit play, then subscribe, share with a friend, and leave a review. What’s one repetitive habit you’re keeping, and one you’re ready to drop?

Garfield is not funny and has ruined AI training for all mankind.

Transcript

Zia 0:02

Hi everybody. Welcome to episode 20 of Do We Love That For You. Good morning, everybody. How you doing? Oh my goodness. So we have today Do We Love Repetitive Behavior. Repetitive behavior. Hmm.

Heather 0:21

I think that's a so strong.

Repetitive Behavior And When It’s OK

Heather 0:25

Yeah. I mean, being as it's autism awareness month still, you have to kind of be okay with repetitive behavior because sometimes you have to repeat yourself to get the point across or to get the assistance you need. But if it's somebody who is clearly not on the spectrum, no.

Zia 0:49

Do you know? No. I agree. I agree. I definitely we have to repeat to those we love that are you know autistic. That need well or that need they repeat to us. Exactly. So that is fine. I have all the patients in the world for that. But if you have no nothing diagnosed on your scale of medical records for autism, then then if you hear me acknowledge me and and right absolutely at least acknowledge my request or my statement. Absolutely. So on that account, how was your Easter? I just wanted to start off with that. How was your Easter food, everybody?

Heather 1:28

So ironically, in how many years have Rich and I been together? Oh my gosh, this will be our 15th, 14th year being together. Okay. And this is our this was our first Easter that

Easter Traditions Collide At Home

Heather 1:44

we spent together. We've never we've never spent Easter together. We've done we've done half day Christmas, you we've done half day Thanksgiving, we've done outfits. But um, and it was very evident this year that we have never spent Easter together. Um our traditions and our our things were very different. Um we made it through, um, but there was a couple of hot spots in there that we were trying to work out. We ended up duplicating a lot of things, okay. Um, because I do this and he does that. And okay, instead of openly communicating about it, we made our own things and did our own things. So we ended up with a feast like you wouldn't imagine. Oh my god, I bet. Um, but it was really nice, and but that also means that since I got out of the army, this was the first Easter I didn't spend with Eliza or my parents. That's it was very weird.

Zia 2:44

Yeah, things change.

Heather 2:46

So that was not a repetitive behavior for you. Did this this Easter was not repetitive in the least, no, but it was a very great day.

Zia 2:55

Yeah. Uh we just had the everybody came over for Easter, so that was great. Um, and that that's my favorite holiday. So of course it is. I love it for night. Um, and you know, it's like I said, uh, making food, it's like, you know, I've got a lot of my grandmother's German Jewish food that she made, you know, and um, and then my Italian side kicks in, so it's like wait a minute, you're making wait, wait, wait, time out.

Heather 3:21

You're making Jewish food on Easter. So or were you kind of incorporating the Passover combo?

Zia 3:28

Yeah, it's a lot of Passover combo. Yeah. So that's that's the kick of like, you know, l growing up in a household that you have so many nationalities, everybody's got their own thing going on. And cheesing, yeah, not so much like you know, tradition-wise, but you know, it's like there's two holidays that cross over during Christmas and Easter time. Yeah, and my grandmother was like, Well, we can't not make this. If you're making that, I'm making this. And I mean, I benefited from it because I got all this food, and you learned it all exactly. Yeah, so like we made the babka, we made um I make my own hala bread, I, you know, and um we made potato latkes. Yeah. After every time I tried to hold off, I couldn't. Um, and then like uh I made potato latkes, um, and then I made a roast, uh, you know, my grandfather's roast he liked to make. I made his traditional like Easter kind of roast he would have made. Um, it's it's just funny how you know, every time I set my table for a holiday and we're eating food, I'm just kind of like, oh dear, like this is this is quite the spread. Yeah.

Heather 4:43

So that reminds me. Oh my gosh. Yeah. So when we did um, oh my gosh, I have I'm laughing it, so bear with me while I try to explain this. So about a month and a half ago, Rich wanted a chicken. He wanted me to roast a chicken. So I was like, sure. He's like, you know, he's like, I want

The Upside Down Roast Chicken

Heather 5:07

the rotisserie kind that you get in the grocery stores. He's like, those are so good. I'm like, all right, I'm like, well, we don't have a rotisserie, so it's gonna have to be baked. But I said, I got you back. So without thinking, I put the chicken in the oven and I always put it on, you know, the cooling racks for baking. Yeah. I set it on a cooling rack so that it doesn't roaster rack.

Zia 5:29

It's like a roaster rack.

Heather 5:30

It's like a roaster rack, only I don't have a roaster rack. So I make I made one. Yeah. But I put it on there and I wasn't thinking about it. And as I was seasoning it, I flipped the bird over to season it, and then I just put it in the oven. So I cooked it upside down. Got it. So the breast was on the bottom. So we laughed about it. I pulled it out of the oven and Rich's looking at it. He's like, What did you do? And I'm like, What do you mean? And he's like, It's upside down. And I'm like, Oh my gosh. So we laughed about it and moved on. So for Easter, he wanted another chicken. So I'm like, sure. So I wrote our AI friend, my chandler buddy, and I asked him, I'm like, give me something to make my chicken super juicy. So he came up with a couple of ideas. So I'm like, boom, we got all that stuff. So I did what he said. So I'm dressing up the turkey or turkey, the chicken. I'm stuffing it up inside. I get all that, I put it in the oven, pull it out, it's upside down.

Zia 6:30

Well, you can't like to cook your chicken. Well, that's a repetitive behavior for you now. So that's what Rich said. I pulled it.

Heather 6:37

So Rich pulled it out because I I was I was doing something else at the moment and the and the timer went off. And I'm like, Can you pull that out? It needs to set for you know 10 minutes. And he's like, sure. So he pulls it out and he puts it on top of the stove. And he's standing there and his head's cocking back and forth like a dog. And I'm like, what? And he's like, Honey, you've cooked it upside down again. And I'm like, what are you talking about? So I turned and I looked at it, and I I couldn't even see it this time. And I'm like, what do you mean? And he's like, look at the legs. And I'm like, oh. So we decided that that is how we're gonna do it. But can I just put out a little cooking secret? Sure. The last time I made it, when I did it truly by accident, yeah, the breasts was super juicy because think about it, everything was draining down. Up and down. This time I did it, I made it so that it was extra juicy, but I still did it upside down and the and the breast was like fall apart again. So my god. We made a new tradition.

Zia 7:43

I am cooking turk chickens upside down. Yep, you're gonna have to call it upside down chicken. Upside down the roast. Upside down roast chicken.

Heather 7:51

But but yeah, so we we had a great big laugh over that because the first time it was totally oblivious. This time again, it was oblivious because I was dressing it. Right. So you know, you flip it over to dress it, and then you and then I guess I'm just not flipping it back, and right, and I'm just throwing it in, throwing it in the oven.

Zia 8:10

So yeah, so yeah, maybe you have to do the back first, then flip it, then it will be the right side up. I can't now. Now you can't. No, the you you definitely have a good repetitive behavior. We do, yeah. So so on that note, um, how many times for a person that does not and is not autistic? Okay, um, you're having a normal conversation. How many times are you willing to repeat yourself to someone just around you, husband, child, whatever, uh,

How Many Repeats Is Too Many

Zia 8:48

worker, coworker, whatever, how many times are you willing to repeat yourself to someone in that situation?

Heather 8:57

If it's a okay, so if it's a request, like will you get me, yeah, will you get me da-da-da, or will you help me with da-da-da-da? I would say once. But if I'm engaging you in a story and you ask me to repeat myself, I would I see your face. I might offer you one full repeat, but because I understand my brain squirrels too, because sometimes I'm thinking 12 different things at the time. So I can understand in the middle of a story, like Rich will be telling me a story, and in the middle of the story, I'll be like, wait, how does that work? Because I'm focused on this part of the story, and he continued talking, but I'm still trying to figure out this part, so I'm losing this. Okay.

Zia 9:56

So my answer is gonna be the conversation though. Right. So he was explaining stuck on something, you know what I mean? Right.

Heather 10:06

He was explaining something about work, about one of the projects he's working on at work, and um it's it's a it's it's not an AI thing, but he needed to change somebody's entry into something else. And he was making it and it was working, but it wasn't accepting one type of picture. Right, and so you I was focused on the thought of why it won't accept X picture, but it'll accept Y picture. Why you accept a ocean wave, but you won't accept a mountain. And then he continued on with the result of how he fixed it. And I wasn't listening because I was trying to figure out why. So he did repeat himself for me. So I'm gonna say once. That was my long story to say one time.

Zia 10:53

Yeah, I I definitely have to say once, and you know that. Yeah. Um, I mean, I don't know, that is a Capricorn thing too. They say they just don't repeat themselves. Like you either hear me once or that's it, you miss it. Right. Um, we do end up doing a lot of things ourselves due to that, um, because I will not repeat what I said. It's like, you know what, I shouldn't have said it in the first place. Like I know I know I should have just done it. I know I should have just done it, and I know who I can and cannot. If I if I want that one shot answer done, zero, I know who to ask um to hear me the first time. But if not, I just kind of after I do it, I regret my choices of even talking, and I'm like, I I just need to freaking do it myself. That's it. Why the fuck did I? Why did I even why? And then I just get pissed because and and that's one reason I love to walk work with the people in my office because literally we all hear each other the first time and we all do exactly what we each other asks, like within it's like actually funny story about that. Um, my the the one girl I work with had sent an email to someone else, a new worker, and she wanted them to fill out this form. So I immediately do whatever this person asks with no question. Like, if she wants it, I will do it. Okay. One of the few in my circle. So I said to her, I was like, I was like, oh, I go, Do you need did I not do this? What did I not do this this year to fill out this paperwork and stuff? And she goes, What what are you talking about? I said, You just sent me an email, and she goes, I put you on the email. It was for the new person. I said, Oh my god, it's halfway filled out. I was like, I already automatically started filling this out for you. I didn't do it, I didn't do it right. So she was like laughing, and I was like, Don't send me anything you don't want me to do now. Exactly, yeah. So I was like, Oh crap, I didn't do it this year. Oh no, yeah. So, update on your voice there, lady. I wanted to ask you about that.

Heather 13:07

Yeah, so so I went to the ear, nose and throat, the ENT, on Thursday. I brought Rich with me because I knew they were going to stick a scope in my nose to look at my vocal ports.

Zia 13:22

Right.

Heather 13:23

Well, let me rewind.

Voice Trouble And ENT Answers

Heather 13:25

Monday I went to my rheumatologist, and when he heard my voice, he thought I had something, and I'm going to muff up this pronunciation. It's crikeary arthritis.

Zia 13:44

What does that mean? Craterinoid? Criterion? I'm looking at it too. Yeah, I don't know. I have no idea how to pronounce it.

Heather 13:52

Yeah. I tried to have the computer, you know, hit the button and say that, yeah. It it still didn't sound right. But in any event, that is where the rheumatoid arthritis is attacking my vocal cords. Okay. It is a one in like 8,000-person symptom of rheumatoid. So he was like, I have never seen it. Nobody in my practice has ever seen it. But this could very well be that because you've had it for so long. So he was like, I still need you to go to the ear, nose and throat, and let's see what they say because they will confirm my diagnoses, or they won't. I said, sure. So I went, so that was Monday. So then Thursday, I went to the ear nose and throat, and I brought Rich because, like I said, they were going down my nose, and he says everything looks good. There's no um polyps, there's no anything like that in my nasal passages or in my throat. However, I have something called dysphonia. And what dysphonia is, is laryngitis without the virus, basically. It's hoarseness, um, dry mouth, pain when you eat, pain when you talk, all that. Um, and I have a couple of nodules starting on my vocal cords. Um, they are not fully formed yet, but a nodule, from what I'm understanding, is just like a callus. Yeah. The reason it's forming is because they're not closing properly, they're rubbing. Right. So that's how you get a nodule. So the die the treatment plan for this now is resting my voice. I'm not allowed to project my voice, I'm not allowed to talk over anything to try to be heard, like raise my voice or scream or yell. I'm not allowed to whisper. Yep. And I need to go to speech therapy because supposedly speech therapy will teach me how to talk so that I'm not putting strain on the vocal cords while they're not closing until they close again.

Zia 16:07

Yeah, that might have been a jersey thing.

Heather 16:11

Might have been, but I did tell my mom. Hang on, I have to throw a cat. Okay, go ahead. Um, but I did tell my mom, my mom asked what speech therapy was gonna help, and I said, I hope it doesn't make me say coffee instead of saying coffee. I get you, I'll get you back to that. I'll get you back to that.

Zia 16:30

Oh, I'm not ever gonna say coffee. Yeah, you let them do that, I'll get you back. I'll get you back. Yeah, don't worry about that. An hour conversation with me, and you'll be back to coffee.

Heather 16:42

Oh, I'm I'm sticking with my coffee. I'm never gonna coffee. So I guess we're gonna be stuck with my voice like this for a little bit. Um but I mean we're on seven weeks, so what's the difference? Right, right. So but I did want to ask you. Yeah, you texted me this week. I did, and made a very you made me feel so special by your text that I actually jumped up off my couch and ran down here to my she shed basement. You did. I did. What did you tell me?

Zia 17:17

I was like, I need to see your face. It could be helpful right now. You did. You did. I love that for you. I love that for me. Yeah, you were like, I think you said to me you were like, we could I could text or um you know, I could text you if you want and uh or call, and I was like, no, I was like, I need to see your face.

Heather 17:38

I need to see your face, so I'm like, okay, so I got up and I came down here and we had a we were on for like an hour too. We were so much for not talking.

Zia 17:48

I know, I know, but well, I'm doing my own speech therapy with you. That's right. So yeah, it's sometimes like you know, you just need to see that person's face. Like it just don't. I mean, we saw each other every single day for like 10 years, like either other than break, and then sometimes we even see saw each other on breakfast. On breaks, and even on breaks we would text. Yep. So I don't know, it's like you go from not seeing that person every day to you know, or seeing that person every day to not seeing that person every day. Yeah, it's it's quite the shift. It really is. I mean, and literally for the past two years, you were basically right next to me all day all day long. Yeah. So it was like, you know, that that's huge. Um, you know. So, you know, and it would to the point where like at the end of the day, we're just like, we need coffee or we need to get a drink after work and see.

Heather 18:47

Well, because we didn't talk, because we made a point of not talking personal at work and not talking work on person.

Zia 18:55

Right. Right.

Heather 18:55

So if I had to tell you something like all day long, you would you would wait until the end of the day and then we would have a conversation because we we made that deal with each other because we didn't want to cross our friendship and risk it. Yep, because that's how you have issues.

Zia 19:14

Yeah, and then sometimes if it was a work-related question, we always would stop and say, Okay, work head on, yeah, whatever.

Heather 19:23

Or I would be like, I need to vent, and you'd be like, All right, and we would step and we would go private and have a quick vent session and then move on, or whatever. Yeah, we we made yeah. And actually, yeah, it is. And along that same line, I've been trying to get together with a friend um who lives up. I mean, you'll understand this, she lives up in the Glens Falls area. Okay, and um she's a teacher, but she's in her first um year of teacher teaching. Okay, um, so she has zero free time because she's still in that first year, so she's still

Friendship After Daily Proximity Ends

Heather 20:00

writing papers and and she works in a um, you you know the school, I'm not gonna get into details, but she works in a special ed specialty school. Yeah, and um so she's very not available, right? And every time I'm in New York, I reach out to her and we would always meet in the Saratoga area because that's the midway, and we could never do it. She would be free and I wouldn't be, or I would be free and she wouldn't be. So we met yesterday. Oh, we went all the way up north to Woodstock, Vermont, okay, which is an hour and 45 minutes for me and an hour and 43 minutes for her for her, and we met at a little cafe, and then after after we had brunch, then we wandered the the downtown and then we left, and it was really nice. I I am so glad because we have been trying to get together since Thanksgiving. See, and I mean I've been to New York how many times? Yep, yep, and it just never worked because yeah, her only free time is the weekends because she's doing the school and teaching. Absolutely.

Zia 21:18

So, yeah, yeah, so I do I do that with my cousin. We go to the outlets because it's like an hour and a half for me, and it's like I think an hour and uh 45 for her. So we'll drive to the Woodbury Con. I think it's Woodbury. Woodbury Compens, yeah. And uh we meet there and we just have something to eat. We look around, even if we don't buy anything, it's just like well, and that's it. We gotta just see each other sometimes.

Heather 21:43

Yeah, we wandered around this bookstore for like an hour looking at the books and talking about I read this, I read that, I read this, I read that. And then we went, oh my gosh, we went into this um consignment store, and we were both super excited, and it was called.

Zia 22:00

upscale consignments and we're like oh my gosh that's such a cute name I picked up a denim skirt yeah because you know sometimes I do wear skirts so I picked up this cute little denim skirt and take a guess at the price tag four bucks 190 what so we looked at each other and we were like put it back on the rack so she walked over and was looking at like a like a like a uh maxi dress for school and uh she pulled that off it's a maxi dress style take a guess 200 100 there's 98 99 something like that what do we mean by upscale they meant upscale yeah and I don't want to sound unsnobby but I didn't recognize the labels so either they're labels they're either the labels I mean we only looked at the two things we didn't look at anything else so either the labels were like way over my head yeah or I don't know yeah it was it was bad so we left yeah well it's like you know I try to I I I have my friend Tony come in she subs for me um in the building but I don't get to talk to her while she's there so I had asked her I said during break can we get coffee because I need my Tony time that's like my exactly older that's like my sister you know my older sister so I'm like she's like you know I'm like I need my Tony time um so I didn't get to like talk to her too much you know like little clips like here there like you know and then like forget it my friend Barb she's a nurse so she does daytime nursing uh job and then she does a nighttime nursing job so it's like when do you get together when you're working all day long and you want to sleep because she needs to sleep.

Heather 23:54

Well exactly exactly so it's like when do you when do you get together you know and well and you and I have to sleep because of all our health issues. Yep absolutely so how do you do it? Yeah so yeah yeah so yeah I I don't know it's crazy but there are times when you just need to see somebody and we do and I was I was okay driving because I had a B activity and it was crazy too because we were meeting for brunch at 10. It was an hour and 45 minute drive which I mean I'm in New Hampshire they say 45 minutes is next door. So I really wasn't bothered by driving that far now back in the day maybe a little bit you know in New York but for this I'm not it's not even a bother but but I had to be back here because I had an online beefing yesterday. Yeah so and that started at three so the whole time I had an alarm set so that it would give me an extra so I would be home by 230. Right right um and actually we were talking about calling it just and I looked and my alarm was going off in like three minutes. So it was like perfect timing. But again I I was willing to risk that window of only a 30 minute drive home if something happened to go visit with her because I just we both have been trying to see each other. Yeah and and I met her I only met her two years ago I met her on the honeymoon cruise with Rich. There you go. So but but her husband actually is the is a veteran um army veteran and he's the one who gush started me into getting the help I'm getting yep yep um so I have a very special bond with him and I mean she's awesome to begin with but um but yeah so I mean that's how we met. So I mean we're random meeting people and then found out we live near each other. I mean that just made it all the better but but yeah he's the one who got who kick started my my treatments right now that I'm doing um so I don't I don't know. Yeah why not so excuse me so tell me yes when you said you needed to see my face yes when you were having a rough day and it was because you were stuck in your head that's okay everybody's allowed to have a stuck in your head time. Yep but what is your go-to

Getting Out Of Your Head

Heather 26:27

method when you have you're stuck in your head days do you watch TV?

Zia 26:32

Do you read a book do you listen to music? What do you do? It has to be my music that's the only thing that gets me out of my shell um which I don't usually have a shell. So when I'm in a shell then we we gotta pull the music out. Yeah um I definitely go to my music my music probably isn't everyone's typical music that they would listen to um as my son Alex always says repetitive behavior for his mother is I have a song for everything. Yes and you did I have I have no he has known that like even my alarms on my phone they go off with different songs. Oh my gosh I'm so new and it's like you know um I have to take my true Licid shot I got hit me with your best shot um I gotta take my medicine every night it's take me by corn it's like you know everything has a a song so he I it's funny because we were in the car one day and I said Alex this is you know so and so's new song and it's not a very nice song and he's like oh my god mom you don't have to tell me he's like I since I'm little I know you have a song for everything in your life um he goes there's not one one person or one thing that goes on with you that you don't have a song to so it has to be you know I listen to the words very carefully in songs um they're like my hidden treasures um I have like 50 million playlists that you know all it you know any mood I'm in I have to have them switch to it yeah yeah so yeah it's that what do you use writing uh movies I know I'm I'm not a movie person and a lot of that I believe I used to be a movie person yeah I'm not a movie person anymore and a lot of that I believe is due to my mental issues it's hard for me to sit and focus for two hours on something I I need to be able to fidget and even with a fidget toy it's just not enough but um my go-to would be music um I I'm not as selective as you I go with just a genre so when I'm when I'm in my own head it's generally just hard up gangster rap yep because I'd rather listen to how horrible that female is over there twerking than be in my own head.

Heather 29:00

But it's not always gangster rap. I mean a lot of times it it'll switch but I do go through um you know like like on the drive when I was coming back from from Johnny last week um I couldn't sing in the car. How hard is it to not oh I know I do car karaoke. So I was dying trying to just lip sync the entire ride. So I kept switching genres because normally on a long car ride I either hit it up with like ballots okay so that I could just belt out everything or I'll do like a um or I'll do like a decade. Yeah you know I'll pick a decade and just everything from that decade and but but I I don't know I don't know about you but I sing along to every song that's on. So I was driving back and I was there was a song that came on that Eliza introduced me to and it's a naughty song which is kind of weird to say that my daughter introduced me to a naughty song. Yeah but but you know what she's grown and um so I was listening to the song and all of a sudden I heard my voice and I'm like stop singing so I changed the song and then all of a sudden I found myself singing I'm like stop so I went through about probably my you know 10,000 song playlist I probably went through about 7,000 songs because I couldn't not catch myself singing on the drive home.

Zia 30:31

Well Margaret introduced me to one of my favorite bands like it's funny because my kids do have my music tastes but then they also have like a I don't know like a a branch off of that music taste. So they find different bands in that genre. So I so I was working in at the high school at the time and my daughter was like oh mom I don't know if you're gonna like this band but you know they're pretty bad and I'm like I mean I listen to a lot of bad stuff I don't I don't know how bad you could get so she put out as mindless I'll send you the song from Eliza okay when we're when we're done with this I'm not even gonna put it up there because of no because of what it is. But it's mindless self-indulgence and I ended up listening to this band more than I should have and it was like my track record to like get to work every day and I still play it because it's just something that I just I I need it sometimes like I need well your commute is only one song right um yeah well it all depends what song I pick. Sometimes I'll go like and it's funny because everybody knows I play my music loud it's like my morning coffee I get to school my head's in a different head space I gotta prepare myself to get out of the car and be on battleground really and you know and then by the time I get out I'm you know I'm up add to like a song where I'm like you know choke is one of my favorite songs. It's like you know even if you think my name just choke on it. You know so yeah so those are my happy songs that I like to listen to. Um yeah songs I I'm I'm a music person. I I music typically makes me feel better. Yeah. So before we get to our five minute loves real quick I just wanted to ask you we were talking about projects in the house and everything and you know when when when you work on a project with your husband um I have not for a long time because most of our projects were like you know stuff we both can't couldn't do. But like um do

Working With Your Partner On Projects

Zia 32:36

you work together or independent and how does it go?

Heather 32:41

Well remember in a sense we are newlyweds because we are only been living together now whatever. Right. So this conversation came up because we were getting the beehives ready. Right right yeah um so we actually do work well together okay after the TIFF okay right got it we start it have an epic TIF and it's not a fight it's a TIF and then we're totally fine after that and we can work together. We generally know each other's strengths right or that's determined during the TIFF yeah and for example he was sanding the beehives I was painting them in the beginning we were both trying to do both and it was like okay we can't both do both no no but I need to I need to accept that he wants to help me. Yeah that's hard for both of us right so I'm used to doing it all because I didn't have somebody wanting to help right so I would have to sand the hives and then go paint them. But he's standing there saying I will sand them for you. Right so I need to say yes sand them thank you yes thank you I appreciate you're amazing and then I go paint them yeah so I am still struggling on that end because for example he's outside right now moving dirt so I can put it in my garden. Right and we had a mini tiff about it this morning before the podcast yeah because he's like I'm gonna go move the dirt where do you want me to put it and I'm like well I need to get it into the flower beds or to the vegetable garden.

Zia 34:30

And he's like so where do you want me to put it and then we sat there silent for a minute and I'm like just put it down there and I will figure it all out after the podcast and he's like okay so so yeah Michael and I we haven't worked on a big project um but when we did we were building a room off the back of our house at one point we had a three season room we were making it a four season room when we busted down all the wood we actually found out that there was uh carpenter ant problems oh no so we had to take the whole thing down and we rebuilt from them we do not have it anymore I won't get into that as to why but we do not have it anymore um it is totally down um but we spent time building that and Michael was doing like I was helping him do his part on the thing um and then once it was up and he had to do other things he did that um and I was doing like uh the ceiling I was making it like with a wave pattern and you know stuff like that. But we we were pretty good together when we have to like he knows that I know a lot of the plumbing stuff. He knows that I I do the floor like I did the kitchen floor I did the kitchen stuff you know um he he knows that I can do sometimes you know he's just like he has paid people to just do the bathroom because I would I would be able to do it. But he's like why why why right just let somebody else do it yeah and that's hard because it's like well is it gonna be done the way I want you know and it's like I have to be involved with like everything that way. But he definitely we work pretty good when we're doing like business like we've had tons of business ventures and we've always worked very well together. Yeah I know what I can't do. I am not the person you want doing the taxes I am not the person you want doing the books like I'm not good at that he did all that um I was like I am not the one like he even took over the social media because same thing he knows I would choke somebody so it's like we don't do that. So definitely plays on both of our strengths like you um yep absolutely yeah so we it's not so bad.

Heather 36:54

It's not it's not it's not bad us working together. We generally do okay it's we just need to we need to establish our own boundaries when we're starting it and typically that ends up in a mini TIFF but not a bad one ever. I mean it's just like that's what I'm gonna do and that's what you're gonna do and that's what and I can do this like for example we just got a cat caddy for the outside so we can stick it on the window so she can go outside with us because she always wants to come out. Yeah so it came in the mail and I put it together I just physically now can't attach it to the house. Right right because you need two people for one yeah but it's all put together all we need to do now is just I need to hold it and he can attach it to the house. So that'll be a project we'll end up finishing together but I could put the I could put the caddy together I mean yeah so yeah so yeah and that brings us to our TikTok TikTok oh we almost hit like a time on zeros there.

Zia 37:57

Yeah we did that was great so go for it go ahead all right snow in April and I just want to say because it's snow in April I gotta shout out to my prince because that's one of my favorite songs from my grandfather is sometimes it snows in April but it's not supposed to snow in April it's supposed to rain in April because April showers bring Mayflowers

Reels TikTok And Where We Scroll

Zia 38:21

and what does the Mayflowers bring sorry we had to we had to we had to bad jokes but no snow in April bothers me it's not supposed to snow in April it did not snow and I I do not remember snow in April growing up in Jersey no I don't either no here yes here yes here obviously yeah yeah I mean our snow is all gone now but we had and actually we had this what was it it was the day you and I were talking on the phone snow and spring break what the hell yep I know it's terrible I hope we stay away stay away no more winter jackets on the bus ports please I don't want to be out there in a winter jacket on Monday no no I I stomped it done no okay all right so when you're watching reels or shorts or TikToks as you know because they're TikToks just copied and pasted everywhere where do you watch them do you watch them Facebook Instagram Snapchat YouTube I'm a full Instagram person. Uh my Instagram posts to my Facebook so I don't have to be on there all the time I mean sometimes I do have to go on there because I uh run my mom's memorial page my mom Joyce's memorial page so I do have to go on there once in a while um but other than that it's just Instagram I try to stick to just that um and that's it yeah I do like you know for looking up things I do like Pinterest um those kind you know I am a good like Pinterest person but except your except your school district blocked it your school district blocked it but I I don't understand why people are using it at school anyway yeah I don't use any of my stuff at school um and if I do I'm always on like my 5G I'm never on the school right thing.

Heather 40:24

So yeah yeah so I rotate you I rotate okay um in the evening like because I I do a I do a treatment every night before I go to bed and it's a 20 minute treatment. So in that 20 minutes that's my 100% reels as you know because you get blown up every night when I'm getting ready to go to bed. And then I'm on Instagram that's always my Instagram one. Yeah um but in the day um I'll be I'll I'll bounce off of Facebook or YouTube. Facebook okay um yeah I I kind of jump between them all um a lot of times they're the same like I'll end up catching the same short or real or whatever on all three in one day. But I I I Instagram at night but in the day if I'm if I'm doing something or like I don't keep mindless games on my phone. I keep them on my iPad. So if I'm at a doctor's office I'll have an ear pod in and if I don't have a book or something to read I'll I'll do Facebook or YouTube right then. Okay.

Zia 41:28

But yeah I don't yeah I don't know I bounced having having a phone in waiting rooms and stuff like that or if I'm like anxious uh it has saved a lot of people having the phone yeah then I'm not yelling at people I'm just looking at my phone or listening to my music right there.

Heather 41:50

Yeah yeah so this next one was mine. I'm gonna read this one ready. So it's kind of a funny one because we both know our answers but it's funny. So are you a passenger princess or are you the driver?

Zia 42:07

Well I'm the driver all my friends know I love to drive yeah um it takes a lot for me to even if I oh if uh if

Driver Vs Passenger Princess Rules

Zia 42:18

if Michael has to drive I am correcting like why didn't you go there? Why didn't you go there like or my my fake pedal doesn't work my steering wheel doesn't work on the I I used to have one I used to have one remember yes you did um so yeah I'm definitely I love to drive um I am the driver my kids are always the ones that are driving they'll like I'm pick you up mom I'll pick you up and I'm like okay yeah yeah it takes a lot for me to say okay yeah no I love driving um I like to be the driver but I have a caveat okay when I'm driving I want my music blasting yep and I want to be able to drive my way not that I drive dangerous or anything like that but but I want my music blasting I want my I want my drink right next to me I want um so I like to be the driver however I accept when I'm with you I know you like to drive so I don't care that you drive yeah um so I'm okay with that if I trust you you can drive me yeah yeah yeah if I don't if I don't trust you then I'm driving you I'm driving yeah right um but I have learned over the years with Rich that he likes to drive as well okay and because I drove the school bus for so long yeah and I did the driver training for so long yeah I'm happy to be a passenger princess.

Heather 43:50

Yeah um yeah I I still want my music so there's a bit of a dilemma there sometimes yeah but um Michael

Zia 44:00

Does let me put my music on the long trips, shorter trips, he puts his music if he's driving. But if it's the you know long trip and he's driving, then my music goes on.

Heather 44:12

If I'm gonna stay awake, it's my it's typically more my playlist. Yeah, but if I know I'm getting sleepy and I want to maybe close my eyes, I'll I'll switch it over and let him put on whatever he wants. Absolutely. I agree. And then and then I can just snuggle in and go to sleep. Um so yeah, no, I'm I'm I have embraced the passenger princess when I can. Okay, but no, I I'll drive. Yeah. And I know you'll drive, but I'll let you drive. I've driven you, you've driven me.

Zia 44:43

Yep, yeah, but that works. So go ahead. So here we go. Night in or night out.

Heather 44:54

It's based on how I feel.

Zia 44:56

Yeah.

Heather 44:56

Who am I I have I have a lot of social anxieties since I started my treatments and trying to get better. So for me, it's literally based on the moment. Um, but my over

Night In Or Out Plus Texting

Heather 45:11

overall life arcing is night out.

Zia 45:14

Yeah. Um, I'm gonna say night in since I'm younger. I mean, I used to go out, but not the way that people went out at the time. Right. Right. Um, I just like to I liked the quiet because I didn't have so much of the quiet. So if I could be by myself quiet, I just stay and watch my own shows, movies, whatever, and just chill. Yeah. Or be in my bedroom and scream my music out loud when I was younger. Um I still do that around here. My poor kids and my husband, they well, even my the in-laws, they've been in the house where the headset goes on and they just hear me singing. And that's it. That's all you got. Yeah, if you don't like it, put your own music on and you can block me out. But exactly. I don't care if there's six different tunes going on in the house, but I'm gonna do that. I got my earpods and I'm good. Yeah. So the last one, do you prefer texting or calling? Depends who it is. Yeah. But it definitely I would prefer a text from someone first than a call. So I know that like I know certain people if they're calling me, like um Star calls me on our ride home all the time. That I let I expect their call, like I look forward to that call. Right. Um, I always get upset when I miss it. I'm like, yeah, I get upset. But um, yeah, certain I would accept a call from someone that I like and respect and not then just text me. I don't wanna I wanna make up my mind if I want to talk to you or not. So is that terrible? I don't know.

Heather 46:58

No, I I agree with you. Maybe word it a little bit nicer, but you know, you can do the wording nicing.

Zia 47:07

Oh that's the word nice age, yes.

Heather 47:10

So um, I like the I So Allie and I were texting yesterday about something and I was venting at her. Um, I was having a moment and it was an Allie, I knew Allie could understand it because it related to the dogs. Yeah. So I was texting Allie and like out of the blue, because she was at work and and she can text occasionally at work. So I will send her a text and I know sometimes it's hours before she answers me. Right, right. If she's working and it's when she gets her break. Right. So all of a sudden, like in the middle of us talking, which she was responding quickly and I didn't understand why. Yeah. And then she's like, I'm calling you. Aww. And I'm like, okay. So we called and and we talked, and and I got through my dog moment. Um, she was a dog trainer, or she is a dog trainer, not was. She's not working as a dog trainer, but she's a dog trainer. Um, and she's taught me a lot, but it was just something I couldn't handle on my own at that moment. And I needed, I needed her words. Absolutely. Um, so I like that. Like when you're in the middle of something, sometimes it's easier to express yourself in a call. Absolutely. But I also like I also like the fact of a call because I can get across to you what I want to say in five seconds, a 45-second phone call or a three-day text.

Zia 48:34

Yep.

Heather 48:35

Yep. So sometimes it's easier to just call me.

Zia 48:37

Yep. Michaela and I did that the other day. We were we texted, and then all of a sudden she was like, Where are you? Can I call you? You know, and I was like, Yes. Sometimes it's easier, yeah. So so yeah, I like um, yeah, I'm I'm both. I do have a friend in New Jersey that like um we will vent text and then whenever you can answer is when you answer.

Heather 49:04

Yeah.

Zia 49:04

But it's like an open text line that like I have one of them. They do the same thing to me. Like, you know, whenever I get to it, I get to it, but it's like an open little, like, I don't know, therapy text line, I guess. I don't know.

Heather 49:19

The irony is my person's in Jersey too. Oh, see? Of course they are. Of course they are, yeah. Like, I'll text her and be like, I'll be like, I don't like what I just did. This is what happened. Yeah, and she'll respond like because she, you know, she'll respond an hour or two days later and be like, Oh my gosh, I can't believe that.

Zia 49:37

Right, right. Yeah, and it's right on on cue, too. It's like the right text you needed. Yeah. Yep, it's cool. Yeah, that's funny that we both have Jersey people who do that. Oh my gosh, Z, we are at 50 minutes. Oh god, okay. Sorry, guys. Sorry, guys, it was a lot. I'm resting my voice, I'm not talking. That's right, that's right. 50 minutes of it. Yep. Oh my goodness. All right, we gotta go. Gotta go. We'll see you on episode 21 and another one of my lucky numbers. Yes, yep. So uh, yeah. We love everyone. Yep,

Final Laughs And Goodbye

Zia 50:11

have a good day. Bye.