Do We Love ... In-Laws

Someone says they’re pregnant and we instantly do the math. Someone’s kid melts down in a store and suddenly every parent in the aisle has an opinion. That’s the energy we bring with our guest Michaela, Zia’s daughter-in-law, as we bounce between funny family stories and the kind of motherhood talk you only have with people you trust.

We start with in-law dynamics that actually work, plus the Italian American family habits that sneak their way into the next generation: the gestures, the phrases, the superstitions, and the way kids pick up everything you swear they weren’t watching. From New Jersey culture shocks to the word “right” meaning five different things depending on tone, we unpack how family language becomes family identity.

Then we go deeper into parenting and postpartum life: stay-at-home mom vs working mom reality, potty training wins, toddler tantrums over bananas and broccoli, and why timeouts and boundaries can be a kindness when they’re consistent. Michaela shares what she’s learned early in motherhood, and we talk about stepparenting, choosing the people you keep close, and the underrated skill of advocating for yourself in healthcare. If you’ve ever felt dismissed by a provider, you’ll want to hear our stories about setting boundaries and getting the care you deserve.

If you laugh, relate, or argue with us in your car, subscribe, share this with a parent or in-law who gets it, and leave a review so more people can find the show. What’s the one phrase your family says that you caught yourself repeating?

Dr Teeth was far ahead of his time artistically.

Transcript

Welcome And Meet Michaela

Heather 0:19

Hey everybody, welcome to wait, where's the button? Oh, she lost her button. Do we? Do we? Do we? Anyway, welcome to episode 32. Yeah, 32. Do we love that for you? And we have a special guest today because We do. It's called Do We Love In-Law's. I do love this in-law. You do. I like I like some of my in-laws. Yeah. This is my daughter-in-law, Michaela.

Zia 1:04

Hi, everyone.

Heather 1:06

Hi, Michaela. Thanks for joining us. Thanks for having me. So, huh? We got some weird topics today. Dude, we crashed course.

Makayla 1:19

We've got a weird topic, so I'm ready for it.

Heather 1:22

Alright. Are you ready? I'm ready. Alright. Go ahead, Z, you start us. So Michaela always jokes because I call her the Metagod in the family. It's, you know, the non-Itan person.

Italian Family Habits That Stick

Heather 1:39

Usually it's not a term of endearment, but it is usually what I talk to Michaela. Sorry, you were drinking. Purposefully do that to me? So what do you usually say when something happens and you know more than the Italians in the family?

Makayla 1:56

That's it. The Madagon knows.

Heather 2:02

Well trained, well trained. Well, very, very well drained. And she does. She gets it so bad. I got her a corn a gil just because of that. She would have the worst. Yep. Worst. Oh my god. Your mic is off. Make sure you post a picture. She muted herself. I I muted myself. You know why I was trying to focus in on Michaela. Oh my god. Because she's really, really soft. Michaela, you're loud people. You have to be loud. Okay, I will hold it. Okay, go ahead. There you go. That was good. There you go. Okay, I'll hold it.

Makayla 2:43

Amazing. I love it.

Heather 2:50

Yeah, so she um learned so much coming into this family. Like, you know. So sorry. I mean, congratulations. So we were talking about what's getting passed down from my Italian gestures or you know, what's going on when my granddaughter looks at grandpa and says, What are you doing about the pool? Gesture and all, you know, what are you doing? What are you doing? So little things are getting passed down. And, you know, like I said, I had to buy the cornage. I put it on Michaela because she had so much meloika all the time. So, you know, we both we are of course we follow a lot of people in Jersey on Instagram and Facebook, but people that live there, but I have currently been following a history guy. Um talks about New Jersey stuff, Italian stuff, things his grandfather has said, um, and there's a lot of things that he's been saying, and I'm like, oh my god, it's like hitting home. So we'll have to tag him. But you know, just those things get handed down because you don't realize what you're saying or what you're doing. Um, and then the little ones just end up seeing it or and picking it up. So yeah, so what it what about you? Like, did Eliza ever click onto anything? Um, she's clicked on to a few things. We didn't have a lot of the Italian, because you know, I'm not Italian, but I mean on the Matagon. Right. So no, so but you know, we're from Jersey, so you know, we're the mob once removed, but I mean, once removed from the Italians, right? Um, but no, she did click pick up a click up. She clicked up on some things. I see that, you know. Yeah. Um, but I follow this guy on Instagram who says he just moved to New Jersey, but he's been posting for like a year and a half, so I think it's been a while since he got there. But he talks about all the things that like like were culture shocks to him. And the one that struck me and like tickled me the most so far is that he was talking about how he doesn't have a home because the northerners say there's no central Jersey, and the Southerners say there's no Central Jersey. So he's like, I don't know where I live, I I don't have a place to live. He does he doesn't know, and it's just made me laugh out loud like a lot. Um, so we'll tag this guy as well. Actually, I reached out to him and asked if he wanted to uh come on the podcast with us because he just makes me laugh all the time. He's just hysterical. Yeah, we can teach him about some jersey stuff. It's the old, old jersey, but you know what? It's the better jersey. Absolutely. So go ahead. You take the first one, the next one since we do the next one? Yeah, go ahead. So, Miss Michaela. Yes, you are fortunate to be a stay-at-home mom.

Makayla 6:00

Yes, I'm very lucky.

Heather 6:02

You are very lucky. So let's compare

Stay-At-Home Mom Vs Working Mom

Heather 6:06

you being a stay-at-home mom when Zia was a stay-at-home mom, and when I was a working mom. Let's compare some of the differences and things that we get to do, got to do, don't get to do, want to do, don't want to do. So I don't know. Let's start with the I don't know.

Makayla 6:31

Well, I had the privilege to be a working mom and a stay-at-home mom. Uh, when I had my first daughter, I did go back to work. Um, and then six months later I got pregnant again. And uh, and then after that, uh my husband and I made the decision that it'd be best for me to be a stay-at-home mom. And so I've had the best of both worlds and I'm very grateful for that. Um, the one thing about when I was a working mom was that I felt like I was missing out, especially because my first daughter was so little. Um, so I was really worried about missing out on major milestones, yeah. Um especially when um you know you work all day and then you only have a couple hours at night, especially when they're young, and then it's time for bed. And that was one thing I really didn't like was that the two hours before bed just wasn't enough for me.

Heather 7:22

Yeah, no, I I completely agree, and and that was my my life um for the most of Eliza's life. Yeah, um, until I was smart enough to join a school schedule, so then I was at least home around when she got home, but then she was in after-school sports, so uh we still only had the yeah. But uh my stay-at-home mom session was mostly because Michael was in the military too. Yeah, and you know, you were military, um, so you always had to, you know, who's gonna watch the kids if you're not home. Exactly. Yeah, and you know, being away, you weren't living around a lot of family. Um, my parents did move to Virginia to be around us, but I didn't want to rely on that because people hold things over your head sometimes, so I take my child wherever I went. I didn't want to have anything be held over my head um unnecessarily.

Makayla 8:23

I think I'm very lucky that uh Zach and I have a very strong support system on both sides of the family, and so it's never a question if we're gonna be able to help find somebody to watch the little ones or anything like that.

Heather 8:36

Yeah, yeah. No, that's that's the that's very fortunate. Um, I had a relatively strong support system. Um, it was small, but it was strong for the most part. Um, and it made it easy easier, I should say, for me. So that was a nice thing. Um yeah. So one thing that I'm glad I didn't really take part in is potty training.

Zia 9:04

Oh yep.

Heather 9:08

She was in daycare all day, and they said bring

Potty Training And Daycare Fears

Heather 9:11

her in in underwear and five or six changes of clothes. She was potty training in a week.

Makayla 9:19

Great. Wonderful.

Heather 9:21

I just had to maintain for those two hours and done.

Makayla 9:25

I used to work for childcare um locally, and we were in I was in that age range where they were either learning or maybe they were waiting a little bit more, uh around the age of three. Um and some of them some of them had a hard time, but some of them caught on so quick. Um but the other thing was is that I noticed that there was changes at home, there was changes within the classroom as well, and that included new potty.

Zia 9:53

Yeah.

Makayla 9:53

Um, I had a young girl at the time, she had a new baby come home, and so she was no longer the yeah, no longer the baby. And the parents at the time, they kept baby home and kept sending her to school, and she she was very smart, and she realized that. And she would say that they loved baby blah blah blah more than her, and it was it was heartbreaking, and you know, so we had to do our best to comfort her and try to get her to transition a lot easier. Oh man.

Heather 10:26

Oh, that's sad when the next one comes.

Makayla 10:30

But I did see them a little bit grown up, and they are the best of friends.

Heather 10:34

So that's great. Yeah, I know. Um, so Millie's already potty trained, so I told Michaela very kudos to you because I know there's kids in you know school systems that are not potty trained and an I know that as well. Oh wait, sorry.

Makayla 10:53

Yes. Well, the other thing is is I I was really glad to be a stay-at-home mom, especially during the potty training years, actually, because I just I don't trust anybody these days. Um the world is a lot changed since I don't know. I maybe it was always this bad, but now it's more it's more out there. Yeah, it's more out there and stuff.

Heather 11:15

I feel like it was always this bad, it just wasn't as broadcasted. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I mean, I just feel like you can't say that these people started being pedophiles or whatever they are, right? Just because it hit 2000. You know, I mean everything now at every right second of the day.

Makayla 11:38

And the other thing is bad people are gonna do bad things, and there are so many um daycare workers that are amazing with these kids, and they really connect and everything like that. So it's not everybody, but unfortunately, due to it being broadcasted and um all that, I think it has made a more cautious society, which not is not always a bad thing.

Heather 11:59

Yeah. No, it's not bad. I mean, I mean, I I found myself being more overprotective with Eliza than I needed to be, or I felt I needed to be, but you know, it was where we lived. Yeah. What are you gonna do? So do you want me to take the next one? You take the next one. Alright. So does your friend leave war speak up for you in front of others talking about you? Um, I can say yes. My friend Heather has left several tables

Friends Who Defend You

Heather 12:37

that were chit-chatting about me. I don't know if I'm happy or not that I was topic of discussion, but yes, she has left tables. Yeah, I did. I did. They and it was funny because while they were talking about you, they started talking about you very generally, which was still ironic because it was the only you were the only person we interacted with prior to lunch, and it's a school guy, so it's not like there's you know 75 people in the hallway, it's an elementary school. So when the adults are talking, there's you know, two, four adults speaking. It's not like you don't know who you're talking about, but they were talking about you, and one of them just kept staring at me, and I just was sitting there for a minute, and the second I was done eating, I was like, all right, gotta go. And I just like slapped the table and got up and walked out. And I think from that day on, I kind of just sat anywhere and ate. I didn't go back with them, nothing. And I never actually told you at work what they said. No, I mean I told my friend Zia what they said, I didn't tell work Zia what they said. Wait, we always did that. It was like, okay, we have to talk about work for a moment, and then we were like, okay, now back to friends. Now back to friends, yeah. And when we were at work, it was the opposite. I gotta you gotta be my friend real quick. Okay, okay, back to work. Yeah, so yeah. Absolutely. And we're very good at compartment. I think people got a little amazed, yeah, uh, that we could do that. Yeah, because you needed my work professional opinion sometime, and then you just didn't. You need in my friend opinion, right? And and there were times when you came, and there were times when you would come and and inform the group of us that we weren't doing something right, and I didn't say, Oh, my friend, Zia just yelled at me. I'm like, damn, the boss just yelled at me, bitch. Let me go tell my friend. Let me go tell my friend about that bitch. I'm gonna go tell my friend about that bitch.

Makayla 14:45

So I don't have many friends, but one of my good friends, which is also my brother-in-law, Alex, um, I know for a fact that he has told people to like be like, you know, you can say that to her, but she might, she might not like it, and you'll know about it. So yeah, say whatever you want, but good luck. Yeah, basically. Yeah, yeah.

Heather 15:06

I mean, like we were talking about last week. I mean, I had people who wouldn't be my friend because I was friends with with Zia, and vice versa. Yeah, absolutely.

Makayla 15:15

Like, I I don't especially as adults, I don't really understand that because it's like, you know, you are old enough to form your own opinion on a person, and you know, just because you don't like her doesn't mean I can't like her, and that's right. It doesn't mean you should try to change my opinion on that.

Heather 15:31

Yeah, exactly, exactly. Yeah, I just I don't know. I think excuse me, soda. Um, but I feel like people need to just grow up.

Makayla 15:43

Yep.

Heather 15:43

Oh my god, yes, be polite, yep, and move on.

Makayla 15:47

Yeah, well, it's usually the same people are like, oh my gosh, do you see these generations of kids and they're like talking bad about the current generation? It's usually the same ones that act just like that. Yeah, the this generation is looking up to. Yeah, right, absolutely. They got it from you, yeah.

Heather 16:03

Yeah, oh I know, like, you know, kind of like the same thing, but um, when Michaela started dating Zach, I was working in the high school, and you know, she we were like, What are you doing here? Oh, you know, because and I thought she meant like, what are you doing here today? Like, but she really meant like, what are you doing in this position? The lady's never here. Right. She's not standing where you're standing. And I was like, I've been told three times that was the thing. It says she's supposed to be right here. Right here. Yep.

Makayla 16:36

I may have ran out of the classroom. Yeah, I was like, Why are you here?

Heather 16:43

So I put her, but also Yeah, right. You know, um, I was like, Oh, who are you texting? And I'm like, I'm texting my son's girlfriend, and they're like, You talk to your son's girlfriend? What? That's weird. I'm like, is it? I mean, yeah, yeah, she would come over for coffee without Zach, so it's like I still do, I still do, right? I think if Alec wasn't as busy as he is, I would probably have that relationship with him. Yeah, because I mean he's just so busy, but I feel like if he wasn't as busy, right? Well, Leon and I used to go um almost monthly for like a dinner or a lunch or something. I remember that actually. So but he's it was a lot less, you know, busy then, you know. But yeah, it's always nice to kind of do those things. They are our kids too, so it's not like you know, why are you being weird like that and not talking to your in-laws? I mean, well the the ones you like, the ones you like. We need to get one that says biting my tongue. Yes, reach out to the ones you love and like. There you go. Oh god, yes, crickets, I love it. We need one that's like biting my tongue. Yes, the ones that respond back to you, reply to them. Yeah, those are the good ones. Yeah, those are the good ones. But yeah, no, I don't know exactly what you do because Michaela does a lot of the things that I do.

Makayla 18:19

Yeah. My favorite is when Zach and I are having a discussion and he's like, Well, I'm gonna go ask my mom. And I'm like, you go do that because I know more than likely she's gonna say the exact same thing I just said. So yes, please do. You know, sometimes you hear Michaela in the background go, put out speakerphone, what'd she say?

Heather 18:38

I want to know what she said. Not too funny. That's awesome. No, oh, and uh, congratulations. I hear you're not melting in the heat wave.

Makayla 18:48

Yes, I am no longer melting. I can go back to working out and then enjoying some cool, and it's wonderful.

Heather 18:56

Yeah, I I did, I am gonna tell you, I did laugh at you. And it was at your expense. I'm gonna be totally honest. That's usually you had heat issues in the middle of the winter, and you had air issues in the middle of the summer. Uh uh, what's next year? What what are you gonna do next year? I I just gotta know. Um I wanna I wanna be able to put my money on it.

Zia 19:18

Yeah, yeah.

Makayla 19:22

I'm not sure. Yeah, the the world is my winter. I guess I'll find out. We'll find out.

Zia 19:31

Yeah.

Heather 19:35

I got it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Oh, wait, you have heat? That's what you wanted, right? Here's your heat.

Makayla 19:45

Crazy.

Heather 19:47

Yeah. I felt so bad for you. So on that note, you're on our our next uh topic there. Um, we take a simple conversation all the time and we turn it into a deep dive rabbit hole. We so do. Why were we deep diving? So we were talking about a note and we did

Rabbit Holes And Zodiac Charts

Heather 20:08

our sun moon, whatever. Oh, that's right. But we were first talking about personalities. Like if they came to the Oh, we were yeah, and then we went to the next subject that we won't mention because it's in our five-minute loves, but yeah, we totally we totally rabbit holed that whole thing. Yeah, we so did, yeah. That was that turned our normal theoretical out what'd you say? Oh, so we just figured this out. So my my son is in Virgo.

Makayla 20:41

Isn't that your like your regular one is your son?

Heather 20:44

No, no, it's just you're saying it backwards again. Saying it backwards again.

Makayla 20:49

Yeah, your son is.

Heather 20:53

Moon is Virgo, and then my rising is um Aries. Wow. So I have I have no She does that. Make sense. Yeah.

Makayla 21:03

Well I can see the Aries. Yes.

Heather 21:06

Well, Paula's, right? Is she she's Aries? Yeah, her grandmother's Aries, and I go have coffee with Paula. So wait, do you have coffee with somebody else? I do. Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Hold on. Yuck. Yuck How dare you! Yeah, so those are not very friendly slash bendable um signs? Signs, yes. Yes. What are yours, Heather? Um excuse me. I was Scorpio, Virgo, and was it cancer? Yes. Yep. So not bendable really either. No.

Makayla 21:56

Mine's nice and easy. I'm a triple Sagittarius. Yeah, my Mercury. Oh, Mercury was Capricorn. Your motivation, which is money.

Heather 22:06

Yep. Yep. I used to tell her all the time, like, you better check that out. You're you're a little Capricorn on that.

Makayla 22:13

Well, actually. Most of my chart is Sagittarius. I think it's like five out of nine is Sagittarius.

Heather 22:20

Wow.

Makayla 22:21

Yeah. So what just Sagittarius?

Heather 22:28

Yeah, we have three Sagittarius in our family. Sis? Sisis's. And they're all different.

Makayla 22:35

Sagittarius? Yeah. And they're all different. All different. Yeah.

Heather 22:41

Well, I think that's one of the most vague signs, isn't it? I mean, like it could be this or this or this.

Makayla 22:53

We are considered the the class clown of the zodiac. Um, I'm actually the only November though. Yes, Leon and um Alex are December.

Heather 23:01

Yep. Okay. Yep. And Alex is or Leon is the 20th, so the 21st is the last day. Right, he's a cusper. Yeah. Yeah. So is Eliza. Yeah. And so is um Olin. Yep. Olin is a cusper for Gemini and Leo. Ah. Leo. You're getting a little sketchy there. Your uh internet's gotta catch up. Yep. What? She's like, what? Is that better? No. You're you're not moving. You're moving very slow. You're like a tortoise. Is that better? Um, we'll see. Wow, look at this book I just found. She's like looking at my books here. It's a good one. Yeah, see? I should I should pay attention to that. 101 ways to be less stressed. Do I take any of its advice? No, it's down there. Yeah, it's at the bottom. I was gonna say that. It's on the floor, right? Very bottom of the organ. I think I looked at it and said, no. No, I don't have that much patience. Not today. What you got over there? I don't know. I need well, I do know. I'm looking for a nail clipper because I just caught a hang nail. And I'm gonna bite it if I don't clip it. So I'm thinking I'm just gonna bite it because I can't find my well, I have scissors. I wonder if I can cut it. Yeah. You're nice and uh clear again, so you're not cordis.

Makayla 24:42

See?

Heather 24:43

Ow. That was my 101 ways to be less stressed. Alright, well, that didn't work. All right. The next thing does go through stuff because she knows where everything is in this house. Apparently, the people that live in the house don't know where the things are. That's what any radical guest does.

Makayla 25:07

Yes. Well, you went to visit Grandpa Led and Dad couldn't find the garlic powder. I was like, there's no way she doesn't have garlic powder in this house. I was like, move, I'll gonna find it. So I start going through the cabinets, and I'm like, wow, I really can't find it either. I know where it should be. So I I texted mom and I was just like, um, where's your garlic powder? She goes, Oh, I took it with me. Wasn't gonna find it. So then I was like, you know what? Okay, Dad, you're right. This is not inside here.

Heather 25:36

By the way, switch blade to the rescue. Oh my god. Very funny. I got it. I got the hangnail, it's gone. I love it. You didn't bite it. I'm proud of you. Oh, I'd be done with that. Yeah. We we always kind of talk about that, our little habits. Yeah. Well, we're actually ahead of schedule today. Look at that. Good conversation. It is. This is gonna take a while though, but yes, we have some that could have been topics, but we kept them as five-minute loves. Keeping them as five-minute loves. Yep. Oh my god. Would you like to say tick tock, tick tock, Michaela?

Makayla 26:16

TikTok, tick tock.

Heather 26:22

She said that so energetically. That's right. That's right. So for today, we did a topic. We didn't get a lot of responses, but that's okay. We can move them into next week if we get more. But we wanna do. Oh, wait, do you want to do that first one first? Yeah, sure. So that should be a topic. Maybe we should undo the five-minute tick-tock tick-tock. Yeah, we did it. We're there. Well, we got a producer. He can edit it. Yeah. No, we took it upon ourselves now too. Get away from him. I have the TikToks now. She has the TikToks, so we don't have to count our time. Because it was no matter what time we said, it was wrong. Right. We were so wrong. Yeah. We were so wrong. And we even counted ahead. We're like, by the time we shut up, let's give it five more. Let's give it five more seconds, and then he's like, it was still blah blah. So the word right. Right. Right. Well, let's try that again. Take two. The word right. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I thought we were

Why We Always Say Right

Heather 27:28

trying to do it at the same time. It's very hard for us to not say that. Right. I knew she was gonna say that. I know! And I'm like, don't say right and then right. And it's not that we want your approval, it's not that we're asking a question of you. I did talk to a friend at work, and we were trying to have her not say that word. And but she's clarifying, I know how she meant it. She's also from the city. Um, so you're clarifying, you know, so right, I'm right. Like, I'm right, you're wrong, but I'm right. I mean, that's typically how I use it. That's how Jersey is, right? So and what are all the definitions? Like, what else could right mean besides wrong? It could mean wrong, too. We've it could mean wrong. Yep. Like, right. Yeah, it could be sarcastic, right? Yeah, right. Yeah, right? Yeah, it could be sarcastic. Yep. Like, do we love that for you?

Makayla 28:29

Say things in different tones. Yes, like like fuck. Like, like happy, right? Yeah, like sad, and like right.

Heather 28:39

Yeah. Yeah. Right? Right. It's kind of a little bit like us. Do we love that for you? Right. It's not always meant sarcastic. You know, yeah, you know, or whatever. Whatever, yeah. Whatever. Whatever. Yep. That was hard for me when I went in the army. I got in trouble on whatevers for a while. For a long time. Yeah. I'd say whatever, and he'd be like, no, you didn't. Yeah. I do like my way says whatever means fuck you. Who says that? Michael says, my whatevers mean fuck you. And I say, if I want to say fuck you, I'm gonna say fuck you. Whatever means whatever. So you'll know when I'm saying fuck you. That is true. Whatever does not necessarily mean fuck you. No. Whatever means whatever. That's right. Right. Or go fuck yourself. Maybe that. Well, I'm a lady co-worker at work was doing new acronyms because we didn't want to use the typical like FYI, ASAP, that kind of thing. So she used one. I can't remember what it for your information, maybe maybe that was the acronyms for that. So I said, Oh, we're getting new acronyms. Can I use one? And she's like, sure. So I was like, hmm, I'm gonna do uh GFY. And she goes, good for you? And I'm like, no, go fuck yourself. But sure.

Makayla 30:14

Sure, if you want it to be good for you, that actually fits. Yeah, the acronym thing. I was like, Adidas.

Heather 30:20

Yeah, Adidas with our corn song. Mm-hmm. All day I dream about sex. Mm-hmm. That's from the 80s, though. Yeah.

Makayla 30:30

Well, mom is I should have been an 80s kid.

Heather 30:33

You should have been an 80s kid. Yep. But it was her your mom's. We confused that a lot with that though. I'm sure. Yep. I'm sure. Like you, your mom. And literally she's running down the street, you know. Yep.

Makayla 30:55

I gotta go pick up a piece of clothing at your mom's. Right.

Heather 31:02

Yeah, you can use your mama for a lot. Oh yeah. Your mom, your mama at work, not in trouble.

Makayla 31:08

Yeah.

Heather 31:09

Well, I couldn't stop laughing. Because first of all, my boss and I sometimes, if we're dealing with a child, we don't tell each other's story. We just kind of call each other in on the subject. And let them figure it out. Yeah. So I couldn't stop laughing because the child did use your mom. And I was like, I can't. I'm like, and literally she had texted me like two seconds after the conversation, and I said to Todd, see? See what I mean? Your mom. See? That's funny. Yep. I love that. So we're on mommy topics. Mommy topics. So here's the reasons. This is my rabbit hole. Yes. Yes. When somebody, anybody, says they're pregnant, I immediately do

The Math We Do On Pregnancies

Heather 31:58

the math to find out when they got pregnant and what was going on that they got pregnant for. Yeah, what were you celebrating? Right. What were you celebrating? What was the weather? What was whatever? I just need to know. Tornado, storm, hurricane, blizzard. Yeah.

Makayla 32:18

So whenever anybody, do you guys do that? I feel like I do it more for people that I know than people that I I don't know or don't care about for better birds. Um, I don't know, because I I don't know, I'm nosy. Us two. Us too. Exactly. I mean, I want to know what you're doing. Right. What were we doing? I want to know. I want to know.

Heather 32:44

Should I be celebrating on that day? Yeah. More like when people have kids all in the same month. What was so special about 10 months ago? Right? What were you doing? What happens? Why you gotta have five kids in August? Yeah. Yeah. Santa comes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Santa does come. Yep. Christmas. Yep. But you know, I mean, like, I always find myself doing that. Always. We were thinking about what was going on with our own. And I don't have anything. I didn't have anything. Margaret was not planned. Um, Alex, not totally, totally not planned. And I said the only thing I could think about, Zach, would be that Michael was leaving. He was leaving on a ship. That's it. Yep. So we had he had to make the swimmers go swim fast because he was leaving. Right, is in the navy. Yeah. Everybody's like, why did I just think of that song? In the navy. They want you.

Makayla 33:50

They want you.

Heather 33:52

Oh my god. Oh my goodness. Yeah, I was a Valentine, but I was two weeks late. So if you go by when I was supposed to be born, Valentine. Okay. I was an April Fool's baby. Which I was told about. And if any of my other older friends listening, they would know that my mom Joyce loved to stick that right on April Fool's Day. Literally. Um, yep.

Makayla 34:24

Lily was post concert.

Heather 34:26

Yep. Lily was what? Yep. Mine says I'm trying to read. So I don't know what's going on. I'm doing the same thing we did the last time. I know. Yeah, just go. All I did was just I don't know. Yeah, you just froze too, but you were talking still. You were just both of you stuck in a funny face. Yeah, so did you hear Michaela?

Makayla 34:47

No, I didn't. Um, Millie was uh post-concert. Ah, what concert? We went to see uh Poppy, which is one of Zach's favorite ladies, that's not me.

Heather 35:04

That explains that one then. And what about Lily?

Makayla 35:15

Probably just a random Tuesday. Right? Lily April. Oh, she's April. Yeah. Well, 4th of July. I was just gonna say that.

Heather 35:34

No, no, no. She's summer, so that would be the 4th of July. Yeah.

Makayla 35:39

Fireworks were going off.

Heather 35:41

Oh, wait, while your mother-in-law is hiding in the bathroom with the dog. Yes, yes, this is what happens. See, that's why I need to supervise you to. I love to do that. I love to try to figure out what was going on, like why. Absolutely. Yeah. Fun, fun facts. Fun facts. Yeah. Do you want to take Allie's or do you want me to take Allies? All right. So Allie is soon to be a mama. And she's already counting the days, I guess, to toddlerism. Because

Timeouts And Public Tantrums

Heather 36:24

yeah, I'm not sure why she did that, but okay. Disassociate.

Makayla 36:38

No, but really though, um, you know, being there for them, and it doesn't mean necessarily like giving them hugs, but like just your presence and your energy that you're giving off can sometimes be a real um change of events and stuff like that. And I'm not gonna lie, like, I don't know, if one of them are doing their thing and I'm just standing there, I'm gonna look at them like I'm bored. I I've seen this before. You know, I'm not gonna go on my phone, but maybe I'm gonna look through a magazine real quick and um, you know, wait for them to come over to me and then we can talk about it. They're getting um, especially my my Millie, she's um at the age where she's like, we gotta talk about it. And so I'm like, Yeah, well, we you did this, and this is danger, or it's just not something we do, or it's not appropriate. And um, not that she fully understands, but she, you know, she's like, okay, and you know, we'll make up and carry on with the day. Yeah, awesome.

Heather 37:35

Yeah, and a lot of parents don't do timeout, but Michaela does do time out with them, so that's amazing too. Yeah. Timeout is a great tool. Um, we didn't have it really when we were raising kids. Um, but we were also told we shouldn't be spanking our kids either, so we kind of were given like nothing. Yep. Or, I mean, that's not true, but you know, I mean, it's like now it's like a given, you do time out or whatever. Absolutely. We didn't really have that option, at least I don't think we did. I don't remember what hit more with um like Zach and Alex than Star because she didn't get that. It was more like go to your room, I would say. Just go to your room, um, at timeout, basically, but that's that's what it was. It's like grounding without rounding. Um, yeah, so I had that more than the timeout for Zach was a great time outer. He'd stand there all day if you didn't go and release him from timeout. He was such a good listener, like that. Um I just stayed in time out because you want me in timeout, or I can leave time out. Nah, I'm gonna stay. Oh, yeah. Well, that's the Scorpio in you. Yep. Alex had the chair, like we did like a little chair. It was a timeout corner chair, so we did that. Alex would get the chair. He got that chair. You got the chair. Yep. Did you see it? Yep. But so has Millie ever had or Lily? I mean, they're both one's growing out of them and one's still in them, but I have they had temper tantrums like at a store or in public, or my children are completely different at home than they are in public.

Makayla 39:23

Um, Millie, I have to say, she never really had a lot of tantrums. Um, right now I think she's having more because it's she's feeding off a lily a little bit. They they're night and day, they really are. Um, but I think Millie's starting to uh test boundaries a little bit more, and it's hard to explain to her. Well, you know, Lily is pushing her boundaries because she's you know younger and she can't she doesn't understand as much as you yet. You're you're a big girl. I mean, how do you explain that? They're only 16 months apart, right? And I don't tell her that it's okay for one to do it and the other not to. It's both not good for either of them, but it's it's not the same for where they are mentally.

Heather 40:10

Right. Well, because 16 months at that age is not a lot, but it is. Yeah. I mean, it's it's a lot. That's that's a big difference. Yeah.

Makayla 40:22

Well, that's like when people are like, Well, I don't understand why you're saying that you have a 30-month-old.

Heather 40:27

Ugh.

Makayla 40:28

Um, well, the thing is, is that a 24-month-old is a lot different than a 30-month-old or even a 12-month-old compared to a 20-month-old. So that's why the the months are so important. Yep. Yeah.

Heather 40:41

No, I agree. I agree. Did your kids see ever have temper tantrums in public? Uh yeah, but only for fruit and vegetables. So star scream because I wouldn't buy her more broccoli. We had broccoli home, and we were at the Navy Exchange at the commissary, and she wanted more broccoli, and I had just bought broccoli. And, you know, people were staring, and I'm like, I have broccoli, it's broccoli. I know it's only broccoli, but it we have it. We have it. I'm not buying more broccoli. And um, Alex was bananas, and so is Zach. They both cried because they wanted bananas in the store, and the lady just kind of looked at me with Zach the one time, and I was like, Look, I can't buy bananas every time I come into the store. Like, we're just like hunkering down on bananas. Um, and I can't. And the lady was like, but it's a banana. And I was like, Yeah, but I have like 40 bananas at home. Who's eating all the bananas? Like, who's eating the bananas, lady? You're not in my household. Are you eating the bananas? You're not in my household to know about the banana situation, but never, I mean, I think Alex did a Walmart one, and I just told everybody to walk over him because he just laid flat on the floor and screamed about and I have no idea like what it was about, but he was going through his own thing. And I said, Okay, bye. And I started walking towards the door, and people the the ex-lady understood, so she stepped over him and he was like, Oh crap, she left. And he just bam, right? My audience is gone. Yep. And my ride. And my and my ride, yeah. What about Eliza? Um, she didn't really have a lot of temper tantrums. Um, we did have one in um Walmart once, and um I she caught me off guard. It was it was a tired temper tantrum. Uh yeah. Um, and she caught me off guard, and I literally just picked her up, football carried her out to the car, put her in the car seat. She went stiff body. I just pulled the thing down over her head and snapped it until she sat down. Yep. And before we were out of the parking lot, she was asleep. Yeah. So um so I I mean, she had a couple at home over fruit, blue, vegetables, yeah, those kind of things. Like she wants more blueberries while the blueberries are gone. Right. So I I can't get you more blueberries. Yep. So you're gonna have to wait until we go to the store. And um, but I do remember one temper tantrum she had, and I don't know what it was over, but I mocked her. Oh, yeah. I did exactly what she did, and she was probably Lily's age, and she was offended, and she told me to stop it, and then she just stopped having the temper tantrum because everything she did, I did. Yeah, and it she didn't really have them after that. I mean the occasional one, but but yeah, I mocked her on one and she never had another one, really. Yeah, so well, go ahead. You took the next question, Michaela. So you ask us.

Makayla 43:58

So my question, can you hear me? Okay, my question was what did you learn early on while you were pregnant or early into motherhood?

Early Motherhood Lessons And Boundaries

Heather 44:15

I learned that I love to be pregnant. I was very happy pregnant. I learned I did not. I had a I had a very hard pregnancy. Yeah. Um I I did not have a fun preg. I mean, I had a nice pregnancy. It was fun feeling her and watching her grow and and all that. Um, I learned that you're meant to have two parents. Single parenting was never easy, and single parent with an infant, not easy. Single parent with a toddler, no easier. Yep. Right.

Makayla 44:57

One thing I learned was that um the people that you stick around is very important because they're going to influence not only you and your thoughts, but also perhaps your children's thoughts. And there was somebody that I was friends with for a long time, and she was um soon-to-be stepmom. I mean, I feel like once you're already in that child's life and you've already committed to your partner, you're you're already the stepparent. And yeah, anything less is anything less than the best is a felony. I don't mean it. But um, no, in all seriousness, I remember one day she told me that she um reg what was the word she used, and it's such a strong emotion of a word.

Heather 45:48

Um not regretted, right?

Makayla 45:52

It's not regret resent. Resented. She resented this child, and after that, I was I kind of like had to look within myself. I was like, that's such a strong emotion to have towards a child. And I and you know, they had asked my opinion if I thought they were gonna work out for long term, and I told her no. I said, if that's really how you feel about your soon-to-be spouse's child, then um no, I don't think it will work out because that's not just an emotion that just poof goes away one one day. Oh, oh my gosh. Um, my my mom has had different significant others with with children and stuff like that, and she has never had an issue accepting them as one of her own, yeah, no matter the age.

Heather 46:36

Yeah, right.

Makayla 46:38

But that doesn't equal that it would be easy to be a stepparent, so I don't want that to be taken away either. It's it can be difficult because you know they're they aren't in a you know, they're not yours, but right, yeah, very true.

Heather 46:53

So as a stepparent, um Ariel, our oldest, from her son is now 10, and from basically shortly after he was born, she called me her untitled bonus mom. That's great, and she's called me that forever. Um so I started calling her my unbiological daughter, and with Angela, we struggled a little more, um, but that was also because Angela's mom is in the picture, um whatever picture it be, but her mom was in the picture, and I did some things that the mom is supposed to do, but I did them because if I didn't do them, it was up to her father. It was up to Rich. And that's not Rich's job. He couldn't do some of the stuff. So I did. So when you say that people struggle with being a stepparent, I love Rich. So therefore I love Rich's kids. Right. They're one, right? They come together. So um as Angela grew up, we we got our relationship grew and and and we're much better now. But when she was little, it was harder, but it was never a question on my end. Right.

Makayla 48:21

I mean, change is is hard, especially for kids. Like they don't fully understand the full picture a lot of the times, and you know, they don't they they don't know. Like that's when it's important to act like the adult that you are, yeah, and treat the child as you would want your child to be treated, your future children to be treated, and um just being a good human, basically.

Heather 48:45

Yeah, be kind.

Makayla 48:48

Yeah. The other thing I learned, um, this was more during my second delivery, was it's okay to fire your care team at the hospital. Yes. I do that too! Yeah. Well, I had a um my deliveries were pretty difficult. Um, and I had I don't mind residents for the postpartum, and I had a resident who kept asking me if I was using illicit drugs, and I told her no on multiple occasions. Um, she also made it very aware that she was not reading my chart because she's like, is this your first surgery? I was like, well, if you actually look at my chart for five seconds, you will see that this is a routine uh C-section, as well as it it lists that there was already a live birth previously. So for many of those reasons, she got kicked out.

Heather 49:43

Yeah, I kicked my nurse out because when she came on shift, she came in and she said, I'm gonna ask you some questions so that I can verify you're you. I said, Okay. And she goes, When was the first day of your last period? And I just stared at her and I said, Are you kidding me? And see, the reason why that was funny is because I didn't have a period before I got pregnant. So there was no record, there was no answer in my chart of the day of my last period. Right. So I was a runner, I was I was running marathons and and and such long distances. I had no period. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, so there was no way I could answer that question, even if I wanted to. And I just looked at her and I said, What? And then I looked at my my ex-husband and I said, make her leave. Yeah, yeah. He was semi-my ex at that point. I'm like, make her leave. And she's like, There's not another nurse to get to come in for like another two hours. I'm like, I will wait. I'm good. You need to go. Yeah. The only time I kicked a nurse out wasn't anything to do for pregnancy, but I had been in the hospital for kidney infection. One, and they couldn't, they had to transfer me to another hospital because the one hospital I was in could not figure out what was wrong with me. Oh my gosh. So the nurse that came in gave me straight phenogrin right into my vein and did not dilute it. So I ended up with burnt veins. So they were like, he, you know, they're like, oh my god. I'm like, I can feel it, I can feel it, like it's going on my arm. What's happening? And it wasn't the heart attack arm, it was the other arm. So like I was panicked, but I was also like, what's happening? Right. So she, the other nurse, head nurse came in and she was like, you know, disciplining this guy. So then I come back because I'm gonna have my hysterectomy to that hospital, and I see him because they they ask you questions pro, you know, before your surgery, is there anyone you would like to request to be in your room? And I'm like, Can I request someone not in my room? So I suggest this guy, and he needed the um blood pressure cuff that was in my room, and he kept pointing to the nurse to get it, and she's like, just come in and get it. And I'm like, he's not allowed in my room. I love that. Yeah, I mean I don't love that for him, but I love that for you. Yep, he was not coming near me. I don't even care if he had to, I don't know, but he wasn't coming in my room or anything. Nope. Nope. And going back to something you said, McKenzie uh McKenzie, Michaela, I don't know where McKenzie just came from. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I I guess, yeah. Um, going back to what you said before about letting the um resident or the uh interns or whatever, um I let a intern do my epesiotomy. Oh wow, that's trustful. Well, I mean the doctor was sitting right next to him, and I mean you could either do it right or you you don't. I mean the doctor either is gonna get it right or not. I mean that's that's one of the easier things to do in a birthings moment, but but yeah, so he did that. I let him knew that I was his first I was his first one, but great.

Makayla 53:11

Yeah, it's so important for medical students to learn, just not on me. Yeah.

Heather 53:17

I was also fresh out of the army where we did learn on each other, so yeah.

Makayla 53:21

That's yeah, that's true. Yep.

Heather 53:24

Yeah, Michael was just telling stories about that.

Makayla 53:27

Well, you know, you were saying about how they listen to you in regards to who should be in your care team. Well, I had told the nurse that I had um that I didn't want this resident in my room like ever again, and she's like, Oh, well, do you want me to grab like somebody higher up? I was like, no, just make sure she doesn't come back. Well, A, B, and C happened, and I wake up the next morning and who comes waltzing into my room. Oh and the tech is there taking my blood pressure, and my goal was to go home that day, which I succeeded. Anyways, so Zach looks at me, and I look at Zach and I'm like, oh no, like, you know, your postpartum, your hormones are going. And uh she comes over, she goes, So do you know what's going on? And I looked at her, I said, Yep. Do you? And she's like, she's like, Yep, I I got you know your information from whatever. I was like, okay. She's like, Are you ready for your physical exam? I was like, no, nope. And she's like, Oh, do you just do you just want to wait a little bit? I said, Oh, I said, let me be more specific. I don't want it from you. And she's like, Oh, can I ask why? Absolutely. Gave the rundown, and Zach's uh, you know, Zach's like, oh god, here we go. So gave the rundown, and I have to say, I'm very respectful to healthcare workers as being one myself, and um you and well, they're in charge of your meds. Yeah, so making sure that you know you're you're kind to them as much as possible. But you know, the uh the tech looks at me and she goes, Good for you. She's like, Yeah, advocate for you. She goes, you know, I see on your chart that you want to leave today. I'm not gonna record your numbers for your blood pressure because you won't leave today. And uh yeah, that was that. Yep.

Heather 55:10

I love that. Yeah, you always gotta talk up for yourself, or half the things we have been going through would not have gotten solved. Exactly.

Makayla 55:18

If you're not 100% comfortable, that means there's something wrong, and you you gotta talk to somebody.

Heather 55:22

Yeah, yeah. I had a lung specialist forever, went to him as a kid, and I was even telling Michaela, I said, I'm not going back. He just said something, and I'm uncomfortable now. Yeah. So I got a whole new lungs doctor, lung specialist, pulmonologist, because of that. And I mean, I had been going to him since I was a kid, and one thing just hit me wrong, and I was like, Nope, not going back. Yeah, no, no, thank you. Yeah, you don't have to. It you know, your insurance takes other providers too, so you can definitely search.

Makayla 56:00

And if you feel like something is wrong, speak up about because there are also healthcare professionals that will try to um undermine what you're saying. Yep. Um, that when I was having Millie, I was in um in labor and I felt this pop, and I was like, um, that's not I don't think that's right. And Zach's like, well, call the nurse. I was like, Oh, I don't want to bother them. He's like, Michaela, yeah, it's their job. Yeah, we gotta go. So I called the nurse in, and it wasn't the one that was uh signed to me. So I was like, hey, like this is what happened. I I feel like something popped, and she's like, I'm sure the baby just kicked. Well, a couple seconds later, my assigned nurse comes in, she's like, Oh my gosh, you're like, Are you okay? Do you need anything? And I was like, I I don't know, something just doesn't feel right. And she took me seriously, and so she she moves me out of the bed and water broke everywhere. That that was the pop. And it was just staying because of the way you were sitting. Yeah, yep. So um, yeah, so because she took me seriously, like we were able to get everything right what it need we need to do.

Heather 57:05

Yep, awesome.

Makayla 57:07

And your nurses, um, your nurses is what's gonna make your um your delivery, not not the doctor so much. But I did love my doctor too, who who did my c-sections because she gave me the pep talk I didn't know I needed. Yep. Oh, because Millie, I mean, when you especially for your first kids, you're like, I'm gonna have a unmedicated bird. I'm gonna go into the bathtub and it's gonna be natural and it's perfect and beautiful, and it's not uh most of the time, unless you're very lucky, which I hope everyone is. I was not, anyways. I have felt so bad about needing a C-section and so guilty, and um, at the time I had felt like I had failed my baby, and that's a terrible feeling to have. And Dr. Bach comes in, and I love her to death. I I requested her for the second one too, and she's like, It doesn't matter how this baby comes into this world, as long as you are healthy, and that baby is love, that is all that mattered, and the baby's healthy. She's like, It does not matter how this baby comes into the world, and I needed to hear it, and it was just amazing.

Heather 58:15

Yep. Just I had the same kind of thing. Eliza refused to breastfeed. Okay, and I mean, refused for like two weeks. I was trying and nothing, and finally, my my uh my doctor was like, just stop. Yeah, you're both stressed, you're both fighting, just stop. And I'm like, but uh but she won't love me. And he's like, Okay, I bet you she does. And then I look back and I look at her now and I'm like, could you imagine if I did breastfeed? Yeah, close as we are now. Yep. Oh my gosh. Yep, but yeah, I mean, you gotta you do if you do what you believe is the right thing, it's the right thing. Yep, absolutely.

Makayla 59:02

My last topic on this, I know this was my own topic, and apparently I have a lot to say about it. Don't listen to social media because when I was first becoming a mom, I followed a lot of specialists and lots of coaches and all this and that, and the the amount of information that

Ignore Social Media Trust Yourself

Makayla 59:23

you receive, especially in those early postpartum days, it was crazy. Yeah, it really um did a number on my mental health. I was like, oh my gosh, well, if I don't do it this way, then I'm gonna mess her up. But then the next coach says the complete opposite. Right. And you're like, what am I gonna do? This she's saying this, but she looks better and like professionally wise, who who do I follow? But you know what? At the end of the day, it's it's your kid. You're gonna know what is is the right thing to do for them, and it might not look like the what they're saying.

Heather 59:56

Right, absolutely.

Makayla 59:58

That they don't call it motherly instincts for nothing.

Heather 1:00:00

Yep, just don't watch the show. Yes. That's a new show out on Netflix. Don't watch that.

Makayla 1:00:07

Nope. But yeah, so that that would be my last bit of something that I learned. Do not follow anything on social media and uh make sure that you have the people in your support group close by because those first few weeks can be can be difficult. Yeah, and you're not alone. So no, yeah, yeah.

Heather 1:00:25

Yeah, I love that. Yeah. I didn't have so much like a doctor's um like problem. I had more like we moved and I only had babies with one doctor. And by the time we were leaving, I was like trying to convince Michael to somehow go back to Virginia my last week of pregnancy. So we could I was like, could I just be in the vicinity and then ask for him? Yeah, because that was my first thing when we found out we were pregnant with Alex and moving back to New York. I was like, I don't know how to have a baby without Dr. Gray. So I I don't know what to do. How does this happen? I don't even think this is possible. Um, so yeah, when I moved, I was like, I I don't know, you tell me what to do because I feel like Dr. Gray was the on it. You know, he's like, I know what to do, let's go. This is a problem, this is not a problem. So that that triggers when you have to change doctors. You're the coffee just drops, and you're like, okay, I hope you're good, you know. Well that's basically what I did. I left the army at seven months pregnant, right? And they were like, Well, you have to go to this hospital, that hospital, or that hospital. You take the pick. I'm like, uh Yeah. And with it being so close in delivery time. Yep. Yeah, crazy. It was crazy, but but yeah, so this is a great show. This was a great show. I love this. Thank you so much for being here. Yes, thank you for having me. I loved it. I'll definitely be back. Yes.

Zia 1:02:03

Yes, yes.

Heather 1:02:04

Now you get to go do the weird thing that we do every week and listen

Wrap Up And Final Laughs

Heather 1:02:07

to it, right? Oh, that's true. Yeah, yeah, I get to listen. And you and it's weird too, because you know what you said. Right. And you're like, come on. Oh, there it is. That's what I'm saying. Or what I'll do is I'll it'll be playing. Oh, yes, the green room. We'll put it in the green room. We do have a green room. Refreshments are much needed. What I what I frequently do is I'll be listening to it and I'll be like, oh my god, I said the same thing. And I'm like, oh, that that was me. So yeah, I frequently like, oh yeah.

Makayla 1:02:36

Wow, that lady on that podcast is so smart. Right. That was me. Yeah, that was me.

Heather 1:02:42

I'm the genius. That should be a topic. Yeah. What do you say to yourself when you're alone? Oh god. There's no peptops topics going on. So what the hell were you thinking?

Makayla 1:03:00

What the hell?

Heather 1:03:01

I say that a lot too. All right. On that note, I think we gotta go. Absolutely. Bye. Bye. Thank you for coming. Thank you for listening. I really had a good time.