Do We Love...Teeth?

A dentist visit shouldn’t feel like a cage match, but sometimes it does. We start with a very real-life “take two” recording situation and then get into the topic that kicked off the whole conversation: teeth, dental anxiety, and the difference between a provider who rushes you and one who actually pays attention to your body language.

Heather shares a rare win for nervous patients: a same-day crown made in about two hours, no repeat appointments, and a dentist who knows when to pause before fear takes over. Then Zia’s week takes a hard turn into an emergency dental appointment where an implant is rejected and has to be pulled, followed by the kind of intense pain that can flip straight into panic. We talk honestly about what that moment feels like, how you cope in public when you’re spiraling, and why “being fine” is not the same as being regulated.

From there, we zoom out to the bigger issue behind both stories: why do so many of us feel scolded by the medical system. We wrestle with the question of how much to share with doctors, therapists, and psychiatrists, especially when a casual detail gets written down and comes back as a judgment. That leads into self-care that actually works, like letting yourself decompress after burnout, using support systems without guilt, and learning to accept that small choices add up.

We also squeeze in a caregiving check-in with boundary talk and a listener-inspired prompt, then end with the wildest beekeeping update: an official hive inspection that turns up something even experienced beekeepers rarely see. If you’ve ever felt like you’re juggling health, caregiving, and your own sanity all at once, you’ll feel seen here. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with your best tip for advocating for yourself at the doctor.

Dr Teeth was far ahead of his time artistically.

Transcript

Take Two And Tech Troubles

Heather 0:14

Hey everybody, this is actually take two of episode 34 of Do We Love That For You.

Zia 0:24

Yes.

Heather 0:25

I good morning. I am on my computer. Zia is on location on one of her vacations, and she is having serious computer issues.

Zia 0:39

Serious connection issues.

Heather 0:41

Yes.

Zia 0:43

So we are recording recording live from New Jersey. The Motherland. The Motherland.

Heather 0:51

I don't know. I think if I use the media today, I wonder how it'll go with you being the way you are. Hold on, ready, wait. Let's say it again. The mother led. Um, wait, but I need to go back to looking at our voice, our um voices because I want to make sure you're being heard. Yeah. Z is actually on my phone on FaceTime talking into my Mac in the room on the computer because this is how ghetto we can be. That's it. That's what we're doing. We're doing. But today's episode is actually the title, it has nothing to do with the topic. But it does. It does. So kind of ringed that right

Teeth Talk And 1,000 Downloads

Heather 1:43

into each other. We did. So today's episode is called Do We Love Teeth? Do we love teeth? I like my teeth, but I don't like anyone who cares for my teeth.

Zia 1:57

Oh god, we do not. We do not. That did not, it did not end well.

Heather 2:02

No for our teeth. So before we get into that, I do want to say I saw you posted on our social media that we hit a thousand downloads. We didn't that's awesome. We're so excited when we saw the local Z. We were. I wasn't home, so I mean I had my phone obviously, and I could have posted it, but I wasn't I was busy, so Zia did. And when I saw she posted it, I was even more excited because so, but we got 17 more, so we're at 1017.

Zia 2:42

We love it. We love it.

Heather 2:43

Thank you, Claire. Oh my gosh, I don't even know. Let's talk about teeth. Let's talk about teeth. Well, let's let's hear your happy teeth story. Oh, okay. So anyone who knows me knows I hate going to the dentist. Yeah, yeah. And the dentist I had in Clifton Park or in New York, I don't think we've ever actually set our town. Well, that's where we were. Yeah. Whatever. But the dentist I had there, I thought she was fine. However, coming to New Hampshire, my teeth cleaning was so different. Like, I don't even think they used, I don't even think the chairs looked the same. No, that's not true. That's amazing. But the the the setup, the scenario, everything was so different. But I ended up having to get a tooth pulled, and I ended up having to get a cap um on another tooth.

Zia 3:38

Okay.

Heather 3:38

And I'm going to get one of those um Oh my god. No, I'm not getting a bridge. I'm getting a um partial, like a partial denture. Because I'm actually missing four molars now.

Zia 3:51

Okay.

Heather 3:52

Um, so I'm gonna get a partial. And the cap was step one of getting the partial because the tooth that they were gonna hook the quote hooks on. I'm not sure what any of this means. Um, he didn't think was gonna be strong enough, so he wanted to give me a cap. Whatever. You do what you gotta do. I'm gonna put on my AirPods, listen to either gangster rap or heavy metal, and move on. Yep. So I went to the dentist on I think Tuesday this week.

Zia 4:22

Yeah, you went before me.

Heather 4:24

Yeah, for the cap. And first of all, I walked in like to do things together, guys. And you'll understand why in a minute. So apparently they make the cap in two hours.

A Two Hour Crown Miracle

Heather 4:37

So I went in, he filed on my tooth, shaped the new tooth, made the cap. I sat in the chair and played on Instagram for 45 minutes, and then came in and put the cap on, and we were done.

Zia 4:50

Love it, love it.

Heather 4:52

So, for that, score one for dentist, because I'm not going back in a few weeks in a few weeks to have my cap re-end.

Zia 4:59

Modern technology seriously, but it didn't hurt me.

Heather 5:04

Like this was the first time I was in the dentist, and when he went to put the cap in, I didn't even put my ear pods in. I just I just laid there, and he knew before I told him to take a break, he knew he needed to take a break. So A plus to my dentist, I'll have you tag them. They're um Northwood family dentist. It's a husband and wife. And that morning, they were rear-ended pulling into the parking lot.

Zia 5:32

That's crazy.

Heather 5:34

So they were rear-ended. The speed limit on the road right in front of their practice is 50. So you know people are doing 60, and they were rear-ended making the left into their practice, and I was there three hours later for my cat. Loved it. Love this guy. I will have you tag them when you do the tagging. But Northwood Dental. Yeah, woo! All right, so I come home and tell you all my good news, and you're super excited for me. And then and then what happened?

Zia 6:05

Well, I had been having a dental platform on my implants. You know, it's online and it said if you tap it or you do certain things to that tooth, um,

Implant Rejection And Panic Spirals

Zia 6:20

you should probably go to the dentist. So with me going to the trip today, you know, this weekend, I was like, I don't want to be there, and then something happened. Yeah, who am I going to?

Heather 6:29

Yeah.

Zia 6:30

Um, so I mean, I guess I could have looked at my childhood dentist. Uh odds of that being there, probably not.

Heather 6:38

So I think he was old.

Zia 6:41

I don't know that he was new.

Heather 6:43

From beyond the grave.

Zia 6:46

So I went and uh they made me an emergency appointment, um, which is awesome. And I I truly love my dentist. Um, he has never hurt me header before. I love that for you.

Heather 6:59

Um I fall asleep during um root canals. I love that for you, but I hate that for you because I hate that for me.

Zia 7:08

Yeah, so um he really knows how to know like the right places. Yeah, good for him. Good for good for him. He took strand because he goes, uh, it doesn't look good just looking at it right now. So he goes, probably just like an antibiotic, you know. And so I was like, okay, cool, that's what I thought, you know.

Heather 7:27

An abscess or something starting under the tooth or whatever.

Zia 7:35

You know, yeah. Yeah. Um, but no, um, apparently my body does not like certain things in my life or in my body. So um rejected my um implant. And so basically it was just hanging out in the gum line, uh waiting for someone to just rip it out.

Heather 7:57

Collecting bacteria, nasty.

Zia 7:59

Yeah, so he just ripped it out, and I was not prepared for actually he numbs you so well that I felt nothing when he ripped it out. But he had to put the Nova Cane underneath the tube.

Heather 8:15

Ouch.

Zia 8:15

Where all that funk has been living from yeah, my leg went up, and I was like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not ready to kill you. I'm so sorry. Like, I couldn't apologize enough for me reacting the way I did, but it hurt so bad. And once he left, um, and actually, I just want to let you all know that Heather kept me called again on the phone in walking, so I didn't kill anyone. Um, I was in so much pain because I did not expect that to happen. Right. And I think I had the the greens people on high alert. You did pacing you did left and right.

Heather 8:55

You really did. I wished I could have just like like co-called them at the same time. Like if I thought about it, I should have grabbed Rich's phone and called Walgreens and been like, Yeah, I promise she's okay. I'm on the phone with her.

Zia 9:07

Yep. Um, they must what they asked me my name like three times.

Heather 9:11

And asked if you needed anything. Can I help you? Do you need anything?

Zia 9:14

Yeah, yep. So I finally said, you know, oh, this could look bad for them. And I had my hand up by my mouth too, so that didn't help the situation. Yeah, you were talking muffled like you did. Yeah. So I was like, I promise you, I am not being anxious in the store. I'm just in pain and I don't know where the pain's gonna go.

Heather 9:35

Can I tell you a secret, Zia? That was a full-blown panic attack you were having, just so you know. From personal experience, I won't tell you that though, but maybe I shouldn't have told you. I should have told our listeners that.

Zia 9:51

Yes, yes. Do I stop? Do I hitting things? Do I get angry? What do I do? What's fight, flight, or freeze? You were in freeze and flight and fight. And fight. Terrible, terrible. So my doctor was like, you need to get in here and take care of yourself. Yeah. Um I was like, I felt a little scolded. Yeah, you did actually. Yeah, and I I get it. I understand. He's a dentist. It's easier to take care of your teeth with regular scheduled maintenanceing, right? But also, I felt a little upset because I'm like, well, you don't know my life. No, you don't know what's going on.

Heather 10:46

Yeah.

Zia 10:47

I've been dealing with my hip problem and my ear problem for like three years.

Heather 10:51

But I wonder ear, nose, throat. Hmm. I wonder if tooth, which is jaw, which is throat-ish, could be connected to ear. Right, true.

Zia 11:02

So we'll see once everything heals up, and you know, I don't feel any fatness there. But yeah, so I I felt a little bad because I did get scolded, if you want to say.

Heather 11:23

Yeah, but after I had my tooth experience and we talked about it, you were like, maybe I should call. And I'm like, yeah. So you did. I mean, it was smart to do it that way. I'm glad you did that.

Zia 11:34

Yeah, but asking you this question, haven't you ever felt scolded by like how much information is it okay or not okay to tell your doctor to not get in trouble in quotations? Right. Your medical team. I mean, they're there to support you, but where's the line? Where's the line?

Heather 11:56

So that brings me to a conversation. Um I don't know, I told you a little bit about this, but I'll tell you the whole story now. I, as you know, am getting my mental health situated.

Zia 12:08

Absolutely.

Heather 12:09

And I'm

When Doctors Feel Like Judges

Heather 12:10

not embarrassed about that. You know what? I anyway, I have actually a couple of funny conversations for when we do talk about mental health some more. Um, but um I Rich had found me some zero-proof Captain Morgan. And I love the Captain. The Captain is my buddy. Yeah. I'm not I'm not an alcoholic, I'm not a functioning alcoholic, I'm not a binge drinker. Right. I I shouldn't say that. I do not feel I am any of that. We live in a house. I don't feel that either. We live in a house where the alcohol lives on top of the refrigerator.

Zia 12:47

Yeah.

Heather 12:48

The house I lived in with Eliza, the alcohol was on top of the refrigerator. So I'm not drinking and hiding it. I'm not doing any of that. There are so many signs when you are of those addictions, and I'm not.

Zia 13:03

Right.

Heather 13:04

Um, however, I mentioned to my counselor how excited I was about this zero-proof alcohol. And I'm like, it was so awesome that I wanted to drink a second drink, you know, and it made it the way you make a drink. I made a took a shot glass and I poured it in and I did that, and it tasted like the real stuff.

Zia 13:24

That's amazing.

Heather 13:25

It it was so amazing, and I was so excited. And I told her about it, and she goes, What do you mean you wanted more? And I'm like, Oh, I'm like, because it was so good. I said, But then Rich told me it was fifty dollars a bottle, and it's a small little bottle. That's yeah, I mean, great that it's zero and I it tastes the same, but 50 dollars for captain. Come on. Yeah, and so I'm like, so it was just so expensive. I just chose the safer route of not drinking it because I'd rather save this now for occasions.

Zia 13:56

Absolutely.

Heather 13:57

And so we talked about that. We she agreed and she's like, that's great. And she goes, Do you drink other times? And I'm like, Well, yeah, you know, if we're going out somewhere, I'll have a drink at dinner. I said, and if I do have a drink, I just skip my sleeping meds.

Zia 14:11

Right.

Heather 14:12

Because I don't need alcohol and you know, a sleeping pill.

Zia 14:17

Absolutely.

Heather 14:18

So that was on ironically, Tuesday morning before my dentist, and I saw my psychiatrist Friday afternoon before I came out to New York.

Zia 14:29

Right.

Heather 14:29

And when I went into my psychiatrist, his opening sentence was, we should talk about your alcohol problem. And I said, My what? And then he went on for about five to ten minutes about my alcohol problem. And I'm like, Yeah, I don't have an alcohol problem. Yeah, and so I came home and told you that I, or when I got to New York, I told you how upset I was that apparently I have a drinking problem, and we laughed about it. But I felt scolded.

Zia 15:01

See, so it's like how much information you want to you wanna get the most out of every doctor that you what is the line, you know, that you do we share, do we not share? I don't know. Sometimes withholding information can do harm for you. What you do withhold it? Um, if you tell the truth, then you're gonna get yelled at. So why are we yelling like this? Right.

Heather 15:25

Where where do we find where do we find our support? Where's our support system?

Zia 15:31

Because certain doctors, I will take the scolding stuff because I know I've already done wrong. Right. Because I will be honest with them. Like my GI doctor, he's like my doctor dad, I call him. Yes. Um, he is the dad of my doctors. Yeah. Um, he will uh make me or break me. Yeah. Um, you know, and I am completely honest with him, and he can pretty much tell from my face that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Yes. Or something's going on, you know. And um, I have another doctor that talks to him, and he's like, Oh, I don't know, if you go to Dr. Polito, he's not gonna be happy, you know. Yeah. Um, I just it's like a long-term uh I don't know, relationship with a doctor. Yeah. I've I've had him since I was really young, going into my old age. So it's just difficult to. I mean, I'm looking for you to support me, but now you're scolding me.

Heather 16:26

Right. And and along that same line, I have no problem telling my counselor this.

Zia 16:32

Right.

Heather 16:33

I just don't understand why and and maybe it maybe it was more the psychiatrist than the than the counselor. She could tell him because I understand she reports to him. He oversees all of my care. Absolutely. But I see him once or twice a quarter, I see her every week. Why does he need I know why does he need to be involved in that way? Right. Because now so when I saw her this week, uh my opening sentence to her was, I'm mad at you. Yeah, I felt, I felt, I felt some sort of way. Right.

Zia 17:15

And you have to, you have to be honest with your doctors, or else you're not gonna get the support you need. Exactly. So you definitely have to do that.

Heather 17:22

But I and I came home and I told Rich I was mad at her, and Rich was like, dude, you're not an alcoholic. You're fine, you have nothing to worry about. And then he pointed out that because this is the VA, a lot of veterans are alcoholics, and so I think they're taking me as a as a group and not as an individual.

Zia 17:44

Absolutely.

Heather 17:45

So I I think that's some of it. Yeah, but so talking about your support team, right?

Zia 17:53

Um I think like rich rich like saying that to you part of your support team. Oh yeah. Um, so we're gonna go into our next little gist here. Yeah. Um, so I had some gift cards from some students. You did, and I decided I was gonna go spend these gift cards, and I was gonna spend them only on myself. Yep. Okay. You called me when

Self Care Without Spending Shame

Zia 18:22

you were going to the store. Talk about self-care, getting into, you know, um, you know, how much time you spend for yourself, right? Right. Go to the doctors, all that stuff.

Heather 18:34

Um well, not even that, just pampering yourself. And by pampering, I'm not talking about massage and and and whatever. I'm talking about doing what you want, sitting outside for 10 minutes because you want to hear the birds.

Zia 18:48

Right.

Heather 18:49

Yeah, that's self-care and and support.

Zia 18:52

Absolutely. So I made a point of probably a week before spending actually spending the gift card. I tried for a week to get to the store and spend the gift card. Yep. And a week's a long time to make a priority to go do that, you know. Um, and some some days I was just like, I'm too lazy, I don't even want to go out. So that was self-care too, you know.

Heather 19:16

And and you know what? That's a good self-care. When you finished the school year, you literally did nothing for I believe it was three days.

Zia 19:26

Yeah.

Heather 19:27

I mean, not counting the weekend, but like three the following week, you literally sat for three days. Yeah, and I was so okay with that because you needed it.

Zia 19:37

Right. And it's funny because I always say, I feel like my decompression time is two weeks after school. And that's why I booked this big, you know, weekend with my cousin now. Right. Um, and I and I really can't say that two weeks, three weeks now is enough for me to decompress this year. No. Still feel like I am not there yet.

Heather 20:02

Part of it though is the tooth of it, the the the hip of it, the hip of it. We should make that into a dance. Sorry.

Zia 20:16

I don't know. I don't know.

Heather 20:17

Huey!

Zia 20:20

No, I'm just going to go. Here I am at the store going to spend these gift cards, right? Yeah. Um, and I'm very excited. You were. Uh, Target post. You did? I walked to my Target like I had never been in a store before. Just because I could not spend this gift card on myself. I was like, oh, that looks good for the kids. This looks good for the grandkids, this is this, and I I narrowed it down. I had to get something for myself, nobody else. So that episode was done, and I continued to the next spot, which was Trader Joe's. Yeah. And I was walking around that store also the same way. Like I was doing something wrong. I I literally felt like I was either shoplifting or I that was the feeling I got. Like somebody's gonna arrest me in this store.

Heather 21:22

That's there a sheriff's car when you walked out in the parking lot.

Zia 21:38

There's something that someone gave you as a gift understand. Yeah. How about it? Get that done. It was like a life lesson gave you for me. I was at the register and I'm trying to pull out my $5 bill, and I'm ruffling through my money. And um, I said to the lady at the register, I'm like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Um I was like, I don't know where my five dollar bill is, da da da. I'm ruffling around, you know, and she goes, Hi. Don't worry. I have nobody in line. So what are and if I did, they have to wait for you. Yeah. What? What you said? Yeah. So I got in the car and I sat there and I took a deep breath. And I sat there for about five minutes, going, that was a horrible day. That was just the worst day ever. Yeah. Calm down and show up. And also, you know, do that.

Heather 22:57

Yeah. So and then you called me and you told me that you couldn't do anything. And at first I laughed at you because uh because that's what we do. But I I then realized I do the same thing.

Zia 23:18

Yeah.

Heather 23:19

You know, I used to get, you know, my nails done, I stopped doing that. I used to get pedicures, I stopped doing that. So what did I do two weeks ago for myself? I went and found a masseuse and I went and got myself a massage. And I'm like loving life right now because it's what I needed to do.

Zia 23:40

Absolutely. Absolutely.

Heather 23:44

So yeah, the, you know, go ahead. So we have more, we have more topics on this. Um, and I think I think, yes, we're gonna have to definitely do a part two because we have so much more we want to talk about. Um because we want to talk about caregiving and self-care and all that. And and and I think we are gonna have to make this a part two because this is yeah, we're gonna have to, we're gonna have to because we want to get to our five-minute loves. Absolutely. And it's we're almost at time. And remember, we're trying to keep this at the 40-minute mark because that is what people want. Um, so let us know if that worked out good for you. Yeah, um, I did get response from um from Allie and Eliza. Um, I know they both they both reached out to me and were like, yeah, that was so much better. Um, because it's it's it's the length of one of their tasks.

Zia 24:44

Oh, well then.

Heather 24:45

You know, and and so I get it. Uh when I listen to other podcasts, I get annoyed when it's longer than I need because then I have to sit in the car for 10 more minutes, or I'm a mile from home and it's crickets now, and I'm like, what am I supposed to do? So I get it. We get it. We want you guys to be happy. So let me find the media for the TikToks. Dickity tickety-dickadees. Oh no, where's my mouse? There it is. Hang on. Since we're doing this so different, I've got my I've got the speaker, the sound system showing on my computer to make sure your voice is staying accurate. So yeah, it's it's it's kind of rough here, guys. We're we're truly struggling. But um, all right, you ready?

Zia 25:30

TikTok, TikTok.

Heather 25:34

All right, all right. Oh, shoot. Jersey guys, that's what you get. That's what you get. The motherland screwdriver. All right, so this week we put out our topic and it was caregiving. And honestly, it was because

Caregiving Teams And Hard Boundaries

Heather 25:48

obviously we needed to talk about this today. Um do you have someone you can reach out to when you're having a hard day care for caring for yourself or others? Yes, heather. You do. You really do. Yes, in Walgreens. And we're at a what was the other store we were in the other week? You were Yeah, was it Walgreens again?

Zia 26:25

No.

Heather 26:26

No. That was the first Walgreens safety. Oh, it was Lowe's.

Zia 26:32

Yes.

Heather 26:33

Yeah. So and Home Depot and Starbucks and my first phone call is always Rich.

Zia 26:43

Yeah.

Heather 26:43

Um, but if I know he's working or can't be available, it's you. Um I try to get to you instantly. Um, and even when you're at school, I'll shoot you a text. Um, so yeah, so and and then of course I have Eliza, you know. I I feel like and and you have you have Michaela and you have Star and and you you have you have other people aside from me, but yes, I am your first call and you are my typical first call, but you work, so sometimes it's harder for me to get you. Um, but I will text you if I need you, like stressing out, and and you'll either text me back or whatever, but yeah. Um, can you see these? You can see these, right? Okay.

Zia 27:30

Yeah.

Heather 27:35

Like your emotional support food. So I'm a salty person. So chips, dip, Doritos, Doritos, Doritos.

Zia 27:46

Yeah, Doritos. I was gonna say Doritos.

Heather 27:48

Doritos.

Zia 27:49

My cousin and I were eating Doritos yesterday. We really eat them for emotional support while we were eating it.

Heather 27:54

So I banned Doritos in our house. We're we're we're on a three-month ban. Because Angela and I would literally eat a bag of Doritos in a day.

Zia 28:05

Yeah, well, we were making Ardenton in the Doritos yesterday, so that's okay.

Heather 28:11

So yeah, no. Um I'm um and uh oh wait, wait, wait. I'm not supposed to say Doritos, I'm supposed to say alcohol.

Zia 28:25

Oh my lord.

Heather 28:26

No.

Zia 28:27

Okay, you think the next one?

Heather 28:29

So if you had a caregiving support system team mascot, okay, what who or whatever would that mascot be?

Zia 28:44

Um, I would have to say, and I was thinking about this, um, I would have to say a dragon. Okay. Umly because um when um my son was younger, I was caretaker for him and support team for him. Um, and I do he is uh the year of the dragon, but um I it explains him so well for him to be the dragon. Okay, and I still call him the little dragon, um, but being protective that way, but shielding um but will attack if you need to, yeah. If you need to, I would have to say it would be a dragon.

Heather 29:26

Wow, all right, yeah. So mine would be a tiger for almost the same reason, because they pace, so they're constantly on the perimeter watch, but they don't leave their perimeter until they need to attack or protect. And I feel like that's what I do. I yeah, for the people that I have to caregive for, I'm constantly surrounding them and and checking on them and and monitoring them, and I don't step in until I need to, and then I step in full body armor, ready to go, teeth glaring, growling, whatever. So mine would be a tiger. Okay.

Zia 30:12

Alex will find that very satisfying because we always get the things with tiger and dragon because that's what our signs are for the Yeah, I love that. Yeah, so that he'll find that very shout out, Alex. No, I'm just joking. What has caregiving taught you about yourself?

Heather 30:31

That I'm stronger and better than I think I am, and smarter than I think I am. I'm I'm I'm better, smarter, and stronger than I think I am.

Zia 30:44

Okay. I um I think for me it's more of um I will research the heck out of something, my point. Um to protect the ones I love. Yeah. I I didn't find myself as a researcher, but I will do it if I have to defend the properties of my no, I that's that's that's a great one.

Heather 31:10

Yeah, yeah. So that brings us to the next one.

Zia 31:14

Yeah.

Heather 31:14

What have you gotten good at because you're a caregiver?

Zia 31:22

I don't know. I feel like so I do help out sometimes with my husband. You know, uh, he he's disabled yet. So um I help out with him too. Um, so I think between the two of them, I cannot be as panicked as I am sometimes. Right. So I can be calmer than I supposedly am per se, but that would be about it. The calmness. I can get to that calmness. I just have to remember how to get to that calmness. Okay, I love that. Yep. How are we doing on time?

Heather 31:58

We are oh, we are actually quite good. Um, all right, go ahead. So we're good. We'll do the last two, and then I want to give a B update because I wanted to save that for the end because that's just not a not part of our topic, but needed.

Zia 32:12

Absolutely. Okay.

Heather 32:14

Um, so our followers, when we put it up, we only got two responses, which is totally fine.

Zia 32:19

Yeah.

Heather 32:20

Um, so Nicole actually responded and then responded to herself. Um it was actually, sorry, Nicole, you know we love you. I I've got to talk about you for a minute. While we were coming up with this conversation and this topic, Nicole was actually texting me as her escape. Um, she was venting, she was venting at me about what's going on with her. And I I I love that for her that I was able to be there for her. Yeah. I'm sorry that she's going through all she's going through right now, and I'm I'm hoping I'm gonna see her this weekend, and I'm hoping that seeing her this weekend we can we can we can connect and and I can make her feel so much better. And I and I need a Nicole hug. Um But what she said was, and I wrote down exactly what she said, she said, I have learned over the past 25 years that boundaries are super important, especially when you are run down andor compromised.

Zia 33:29

Oh, absolutely.

Heather 33:30

And then she said, This should be a whole topic, which part two, part two, Nicole. Um, and then when she responded to herself later, she said, I am my oldest son's primary caregiver. And we we know this, we've we've talked with her about this, and I am the semi-caregiver for my mother-in-law, who lives in the same house. That alone drains me just reading it. Yes, yes, that is a lot. Nicole, you need we we need to work on self-care for you, I think. We need to we need to start coming up with self-care options.

Zia 34:06

Yep.

Heather 34:07

Um, can you see Michaela's? Do you want to read Michaela's?

Zia 34:10

Yes, absolutely. She said my favorite way to care for others is by making food. Well, they do say a way to get to someone's love is the belly. Um she said, I love uh to create, make foods that bring comfort with flair, signature dishes, um, in case you are wondering, pecan pie cheesecake and buffalo chicken dish. And that I feel like is a shout-out to me, her mother-in-law. Um, I I love cheesecake, but I told and I always have this saying where if I'm on my deathbed, bring me a piece of cheesecake, okay? And now I say, bring me a piece of Michaela's pecan pie cheesecake.

Heather 34:50

Um, Michaela, the next time I'm in New York, I want pecan pie cheesecake. Because reading that, my mouth watered. So I've requested that from her several times.

Zia 35:06

Nobody makes it as good as Michaela. I'm sorry.

Heather 35:09

Okay, Michaela, we may have to have a Buffalo chicken dip off because according to Angela, I make the best Buffalo chicken dip. So we might have to have a chicken dip. So if you want date number three, Michaela, let's bring it. It is. It is. It is. And um Eliza gets on this kick where she says things shouldn't be focused and centered around food. And I agree with her. Absolutely. But I mean, we're human and we have to eat. And I I think somebody showing up with a cupcake. Yes. Yeah. Or a cake pop. Which we didn't get this trip out.

Zia 35:56

We did not. We did not. So like ignore their um sentiments. No, but like we're gonna um Nicole, we're gonna move you to um next week. Next week. 100% like we're gonna go to the rabbit hole and we're gonna we're gonna fix some things for you too. We're gonna get some suggestions on that and um really put time into that because I don't want to ignore that one.

Heather 36:26

No, not even. And Michaela, we're gonna work on making it so that you just don't make food for people because apparently we're deciding that you need to do other stuff too. So we'll come up with some ideas for you. And we had two. Oh, yeah. Like I said, you want date number three, I need this pecan pie cheesecake. Um, and we had other topics for this. We just paused them because we're running out of time. And um, but I have the weirdest story ever. Yes. And I'm going to put that down. Yes. So I saw on Facebook that our town was doing a herbicide spray over the next two months. So I jumped down a rabbit

The Beehive Inspection Plot Twist

Heather 37:09

hole to make sure that my girls were gonna be okay. I don't want Dorothy and Sophia, you know. I mean, there's ways that you can prevent them. You put a sheet, a wet sheet over them, and they can be safe. So I went online and was looking, and I realized that I didn't register my hives in the state. Yeah. So, um, so you have to, you don't have to, but it's recommended that you do because then you're notified for things.

Zia 37:35

Yeah.

Heather 37:36

So I filled out the paperwork to register my hives, and then on that same paperwork was a thing that said, Do you want a state inspection of your hives? And you could do it for multiple reasons. You could do it because you think you have a problem, you could do it because you just want to make sure you're doing it right or whatever. So I marked off, I just want to make sure I'm doing it right. So his name is Dave Kriebe, and he is from the New York State Um Agricultural Department. Or New Hampshire State. Oh my gosh, I just said New York State.

Zia 38:08

Right. You're not in New York State.

Heather 38:10

I am not. It's New Hampshire State Um Agricultural. And um, so he came with his wife, um, and she is equal to him, just not the official inspector. Um, they're both above Master Beekeeper. Um, I don't know what that title is. I will find it so you can tag it um when we go. I I'll I'll look up their actual certifications. Um, so we went through both Dorothy and Sophia. So Dorothy had eggs, larva, and capped brood. She had tons of honey and tons of nectar. Her brood pattern was spotty. So there that means that there were some cells that didn't have anything in it in the middle of the stuff that was there.

Zia 38:56

Yeah.

Heather 38:57

So uh Dorinda was like, that's sketchy. We need to, and we need to figure out why. The queen is old enough that she should have been organized. So we were looking and we found Dorothy. So remember, she's got the white mark on her. We found her, she was so happy. Yay, Dorothy. She was in our second box on top. And so we we carefully moved her so that we could keep inspecting the hive. And the fact that she was laying on the upper box, excellent sign. So we get down into the bottom box, and there's the 10 frames in the bottom box, and we pull out frame number three, and there's a queen on the box or on the frame. Not Dorothy, because Dorothy's over there safe and sound, another queen. So very, very rarely do hives allow two queens. So, what that means is that they're superseding Dorothy, and they decided that she is not worthy anymore. So they made this new queen. She had um clearly already been out on her virgin flight and mated and came back. So basically, what they're saying in the hive with a second queen, which is the daughter's queen, is that they're allowing Dorothy to stay there, but by a couple of weeks from now, they're gonna kick her out or kill her. Um, and she can either go find another hive or die. So he was like, This is super rare, but we'll leave them be, and eventually they're gonna get rid of Dorothy because she's not worthy.

Zia 40:32

Right, right.

Heather 40:33

So I was like, Oh, that's so sad, but I get it. Right, you know. So we get to frame, so she was on frame three, new queen. So we're gonna call her Junior for right now.

Zia 40:44

Yeah.

Heather 40:45

So Junior was on frame three, Dorothy was on frame five or eight of upper deck, upper box. We get to frame seven and we pull it out, and as he pulls it up out of the thing, I'm looking at a queen. So if you're tracking, that's Dorothy the third. Right. So he was like, okay, she had clearly been out on her virgin flight and came back, made it. So we don't know what's going on in her hive. Um he said he has only ever seen that like once or twice ever. Wow.

Zia 41:27

Wow.

Heather 41:28

It's so rare that they allow three queens to be wandering around. So he suggested we either split them or let nature take the course.

Zia 41:38

Yeah.

Heather 41:39

And the strongest queen will win. So I'm gonna leave y'all suspended on what we're doing until we get there. So then we went into Sophia because, you know, what's my bee life like? You know, so Sophia had more bee bread than I can I can imagine. So if you don't know what bee bread is, bee bread is pollen that they don't need.

Zia 42:10

Right.

Heather 42:11

It's extra pollen that they will use at a future date. So she had tons of brood, lots of eggs, lots of larva, all different stages, honey, nectar, and bee bread. Yeah. Um and we found Sophia, however, she didn't have a white dot. So that either means that the workers either ate the dot off because they don't necessarily want their queen marked. Not that they don't want their queen marked, but they feel her the queen is dirty, so they're cleaning her.

Zia 42:49

Okay.

Heather 42:50

Um because they do that. They they clean each other and stuff. So they could be determining this white mark is dirt and want it off of her.

Zia 42:58

Right.

Heather 42:59

Or Sophia was superseded by Sophia's daughter, which is now a queen, who had been out on a virgin flight and made it and is back. So we don't know which that is because we never found spotted Sophia.

Zia 43:19

Okay.

Heather 43:19

We only found this unmarked Sophia. Um, so we don't know what's going on there. Um, but we do know both hives have a queen. We know both are laying. Um Yeah, it's a mystery. Mystery. Don't know what's going on. So yeah. So that's the B update. If you uh now do you understand why I waited till the end for that?

Zia 43:48

Absolutely.

Heather 43:49

Because that's just insane. And actually, I called you as soon as he left. I'm like, oh my gosh.

Zia 43:55

Yeah.

Heather 43:55

So I I would love to show you guys my certification, but it has my address and our um grid coordinates on it, latitude and longitude. So unfortunately, maybe I'll just show you like a we'll blur it out or something. But I did get a certificate that said um my hives are now officially inspected and they are fine. Um, my beeard looked uh uh fine and all that. So I am very proud of that. But I this this should not be happening to a beekeeper who's been beekeeping for what four months, three months? Yep, yep. Oh all good news though. All good news, yeah. Hopefully. So all right. Well, we are at 44 minutes, so we planned that pretty well.

Zia 44:39

Yeah, look forward to you know, part two. Um, like we said, we didn't want to just ignore those.

Heather 44:45

So no, not not even a little bit.

Part Two Plans And Goodbye

Heather 44:48

There's so much more we can get into on this topic because none of us, I think, I don't think any of our listeners are 100% in on self-care.

Zia 44:57

Yeah.

Heather 44:57

Or if they are, it would surprise me.

Zia 45:02

Let us know if not, let us know that too.

Heather 45:05

Yeah. Yeah.

Zia 45:07

Yeah.

Heather 45:08

Other than that, people, sorry this is a bit ghetto. I'm hoping it plays well for Rich. But yeah, we'll fix it, you know, next week. Next week. Oh, next week we're recording on Friday because I have to be to we have to leave for New York at 7 on Saturday. So um, we're recording Friday night. So the five minute loves will be out earlier this week. So look for them.

Zia 45:29

Absolutely. Look for them.

Heather 45:30

But we love you guys, and we'll talk to you soon.

Zia 45:34

Yes, bye.

Heather 45:36

Bye.