The Truth about Becoming Your Future Self

Have you ever felt like you’re doing everything right… but your life still isn’t reflecting it yet?

In this episode, I’m talking about the “lag” in life — the space between the work you’re putting in now and the results you’re hoping to see. Because the truth is, growth doesn’t always happen instantly. Sometimes your future is being built quietly, behind the scenes, long before you can actually see it.

I share my thoughts on consistency, identity, trusting the process, and why so many people quit during the invisible phase of growth. If you’ve been feeling discouraged, stuck, or like your effort isn’t paying off yet, this episode is your reminder not to give up on yourself too soon.

Your life is always catching up to your habits.

Journal Prompt:
What am I doing right now that my future self will thank me for — even if I can’t see the results yet?

Thank you for being here and growing with me 🤍

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of Driving on the Journey. My name is Julie Holkra, your podcast host, and I am so excited that you're here with me today. I've kind of been a little NIA for a bit. And I've been focusing on my career opportunities and just different aspects of my life. And I I know that this is something that I want to keep doing. And I appreciate everybody who listens. And even if it's only one person, like my heart is happy. Recording this podcast episode brings me back into alignment of what I want to be doing with my life moving forward. And it's just a reminder to myself of how to live up to these standards that I'm talking about. Because the life that I have is because of the things that I am sharing and these experiences and who I am as a person. It's kind of why I'm here. It's kind of the whole point. So this episode, I really want to talk about the experience of the identity lag. I want to start this episode with a feeling I know a lot of us have experienced. That moment where you feel like you're doing everything right, you're showing up, you're putting in the work, you're trying to be better, but your life doesn't look any different. And it's frustrating because you're like, what am I missing? Why does it feel like everyone else is getting results? And I'm just here doing the work and nothing to show for it yet. And I've been in that feeling lately. Working a lot, trying to balance everything, putting certain things like my podcast on pause for a bit, and then hearing comments in my life like, you're not really living what you talk about. And I'm not gonna lie, that hit me. It hurt me. Because a small part of me was like, wait, am I not? But then I took a step back and I really looked at my life and I realized something that completely shifted my perspective. There's a leg between who you're becoming and what your life looks like. Your life is always reflecting your past choices, not the effort you started putting in last week or even last month. And that means the version of you you're working so hard to become right now, she's already in motion. You just haven't met her yet. So if you're feeling stuck or discouraged or like your effort isn't working, then this episode is for you. Because I want to talk about the lag effect, why it feels like nothing is happening, and why this might actually be the most important phase of your growth. So when I talk about this lag effect, your life operates on a delay. Your current reality is equal to your past decisions, and your current actions are going to equal to your future reality. For example, your fitness. You're not gonna wake up and go to the gym one day, and the next day, boom, you have a six-pack, or you feel as if you've been taking care of your body. No, that comes from discipline from showing up over and over again and choosing the identity that you want to have. And then over time, six months, a year, the person who you were before when you consistently showed up is a result of those choices you made. And that's what I mean with the identity leg. Same as when it comes to, say, your career, for example. So if you are working consistently for this promotion, you're putting in the work, you're doing what you need to do, you're not gonna expect to walk in one day and your boss just knows exactly what you're doing and you should get a promotion immediately. I mean, when you show up and you prove to yourself that you can be the kind of person who can be reliable, trustworthy, who's dedicated and driven, all these qualities that you possess and that you want to have, just keep living by that and the world around you will see it. These opportunities will come along. And with that said, you know, fighting for what you want and what you know you deserve is important as well. But for me, in my experience in my story, is I started working at the airport a year ago. I didn't know my life would be where it is today. I would have never been able to guess that. But I just kept consistently showing up, waking up early. I had to create an entirely new identity because I was not someone who could wake up at two, three, four in the morning and be a functioning human. But now I am. And that's because it's taken time and discipline and I've changed who I am, as well as when I started working three jobs and I needed to have this organization skills in order to make sure that everything coincided and I wasn't lost. Like I had to really be intentional with the organization factor of scheduling my life. And it's so interesting because that was a skill that I learned just by living and doing my life and this new opportunity that's come along. I am now the events coordinator at the restaurant that I work at downtown. And it's incredible. It aligns so much with who I have been becoming from the choices I was making a year ago. Not one day I suddenly woke up and I was ready for this opportunity. But now I've been putting in that work in this organization. Being able to have that when you're scheduling multiple events, especially during Stampede and constant inquiries coming in and getting back to them, there's so much organization and structure that needs to be in place in order to run the event successfully. So what I've been practicing for years, that skill set is coming in handy and it just aligns with exactly what I'm looking for. As well as the daily intention of highlighting my days and searching for the happiness in every moment. I've been doing that for almost a year now. And so me making those decisions a year ago is starting to show up in my life now. For so many months, I was grinding, I was working hard, I was like, okay, I know what I'm doing is going to get me where I need to be. But sometimes it was very exhausting. I didn't let those hard days stop me from becoming the person that I know that I am today and who I want to continue to become moving forward. So I just want you to know that you're not being ignored. Your effort just hasn't caught up to your life yet. Now, here is the dangerous part about this identity leg. It's usually the part where people quit. Your old habits start to come back in place. You think that things are not working, and you never reach that point where your results actually show up. For so long, I kept restarting things and doing something new because I didn't feel as if my results were taking me in the right direction. And then I let myself down. This was years ago. Granted, I mean, I've been working on self-development for the past five years, and it's this constant battle and this constant learning that I know I will continue on for the rest of my life. It's not that I've reached this point and suddenly I'm enlightened. I don't feel that way. There's constant in my life where, you know what, I know I could be improving this aspect. And right now my relationship is feeling a little bit on rocky edges, so I put more priority into that while I've been also putting priority into my, you know, career. And so sometimes my health gets put on the back burner, if you will. And that's not something that I want to be doing. I want to still continuously show up because those are the habits that have gotten me to where I am today. Those are the habits of taking care of my body, eating properly, getting outside and going for walks, enjoying nature, traveling the world. Those are the experiences that I value that bring me joy that will never stop. Because when I do those things, it feels more aligned in that I'm living to my true identity of who I am. And I'm not having to escape my reality. I am getting to enjoy every single day. And that means showing up intentionally. And that's a crazy feeling to have. And that if you quit during this time of the leg, you're not going to get to experience that feeling. And I want you to think about this. The lag is the test, not the result. The test of you can actually become this person who you see yourself to be. Because that person is ultimately driven by your habits of today. Who are you going to show up as? Can you actually be that person sustainably? Well, that is in your daily choices that you make. And then once you, let's say, pass this test and suddenly you're in this new identity. You're in this new identity of who you believed you could have been years ago. And it's so cool because life gives you these challenges and things you have to work through. However, when you see life in a way that you know no matter what you're doing, as long as you're staying true to your values and you're taking those steps consistently and slowly, you will get where you need to go. And it's not a race. It's just about those small intentional daily habits and asking yourself, who do you want to be? Stop asking, why is this working out? And start asking, Am I becoming the person who I said I would be? Now there may not be proof that you're becoming this person in this moment, but what that does, asking that question, it sets the standards for how you are living your life today and tomorrow. And sometimes when you fall off track, just realign yourself with who do you want to be. Not who you were, not thinking about how, oh, I'm falling into my old habits. I mean, yes, you have to think about that in a way when you notice trends and you're not becoming yourself, and think maybe why. And you know, you can dive a lot deeper into that identity and self-work, which I have been trying to do, and it's something that's important to me, but that's kind of not really the focus of this particular episode. So I'll kind of stay on track. I know I like to get a little rambly. Basically, my main point here is in your life, you need to show up despite the doubt that you have. If you live in this delusional belief backed up by action, it's incredible the results that you're going to see. And I talk to people and they don't understand how I'm so happy all the time. Well, it's because of who I am choosing to be on the daily. Do I have mental health issues? Yes. Do I have ADHD? Yes. Is it going to limit me from being who I want to be and who I want to show up as? No. Absolutely not. Are there going to be good days? Are they going to be bad days? Yes. But I am going to still choose myself daily and how I want to be. And I also want to say here, I did not wait for my life to change to start believing in myself. I believed in myself until my life changed. And here we are today, happy, feeling good. Life is happening. And it's actually wild. I've been through some hard things. I think that's something important to acknowledge is that life, there's always going to be challenges. But what you can choose is how you want to react to life's challenges and how you want to move through life one step forward, one step at a time. That's a choice that you get to make. And it makes you feel really empowered as well. So I want to gut into a little bit more of how to move through the leg. Okay. Track your effort, not the results, okay? Ask yourself, did I show up today? Did I do what I said I was going to do? I want you to shorten your focus on weeks, not the outcomes that you expect in months. Just think about your life. What can you do this week to move forward, to feel as if you're intentionally living? And recent. Don't think about all of these past behaviors that are limiting you and holding you back. And when you fall back into those habits, just ask yourself, am I giving up because I'm not seeing the results? Or am I giving up because it doesn't serve me right now? Those of you that don't know, I actually just got back from Mexico. And I always like to say, when you travel the world, it opens up your perspective, your neuron pathways, I don't know, they just tingle. And so when I come back, I feel always so inspired. And that's why traveling for me makes me feel as if I'm living my life. It makes me feel happy. It brings back perspective onto why I'm doing all of this. Because if I was just working hard and I was working 60-hour work weeks, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I wouldn't feel good the way that I do. But what I think is interesting as well is when you step into alignment with who you want to be and you make it through this test, the leg of your life, and you start living intentionally, life starts to feel like you're not escaping your life, but you're living it. When I was in Mexico, I didn't get paid to be working on my laptop, responding to emails, sending out contracts. No, but I wanted to do that because what I'm doing, it's building something for myself. And yes, the company's growing as well, but I'm looking at it as how can I grow? How can I put myself in this position where this opportunity was given to me for a reason? I'm going to embrace that. I'm going to take advantage of this opportunity. I mean, I'm going to show up and I'm going to do everything that I need to to feel as if I'm living up to my potential. And that's all that I can control. So that's why I feel very empowered with this episode, and it makes me feel super happy. And getting kind of back onto track of how to move through this leg is building your proof internally because confidence is going to come from consistency. I didn't just wake up one day and felt the like the most confident person. I used to struggle with my mental health and I used to knock myself down every single day and think about all the reasons why I'm not doing something or why I'm failing. But now I don't really do that. I give myself grace and I think about all the reasons that I am doing well, all the reasons that I am succeeding. What am I doing in my life? And what do I want to keep doing to become that person who is able to live up to their potential in a way? Following through on that and being consistent is what gives me the confidence to keep doing it. The confidence to share my personality online, the confidence to start this podcast, the confidence to not really care what other people think of me, the confidence to still keep showing up, despite even when people around me don't really believe in me. Because I know that I will believe in myself and I will get there. It's not up to anybody else to decide how I get to live my life or I get how I get to perceive my experiences. I also want to talk a little bit about one that I struggle with, but I'm working on is just keeping promises to yourself because discipline is the self-trust. And I know that this is my biggest area for improvement. I'm really great at keeping promises to people I love, my friends. When I say I'm gonna do something for them, I will. When I commit to something, I will. Sometimes with myself, especially right now in this season, I'm like, okay, well, I can just do it later. I can just do that later. And I and I promise myself that I'm gonna do something. Like this podcast, for example, part of me wanted to be thinking, oh, well, I'll just do it later. But I've said that for a month now, and that's too long. At this point, I'm fully in the events. I'm up to date on everything. I'm still learning, but I have feel a grasp where I can control my day and it doesn't need to control me. And I'm at a really great point in my relationship that we've been working through a lot of issues that we've been having, and we've been figuring out communication. And with that, I'm feeling a lot more secure and safe in this space that I have. And I am feeling the ability to continue sharing and coming back to myself, which means this podcast, baking, going to the gym, those are what is going to help me show up better in my relationship, show up better in my work. Those things that I know I need to get back to. And that's what that going to Mexico has really reminded me is hey, I need to keep doing the things that make me happy and the things that I love. Oh, I just get so I get so passionate talking about this. It just makes my heart so happy. And I really hope to surround myself with people who understand what building your life and seeing that potential in yourself is really like. And I think when I can share my experiences, I'll be able to open up myself to people who can resonate with that and who are feeling in alignment with the kind of life that I'm building. And that's how I want to surround myself with. So I'm really excited for kind of what's happening in this next chapter, especially as the winter blues are going away and the sunshine is getting warmer and it's getting hotter. We still have a little bit of crazy weather going on, but that's okay. That's just Calgary for ya. But yeah, it's now almost May. And for me, May is really when summer is right there. Things start to slowly grow. I guess it's spring, but I like summer more. But spring is beautiful, it has its aspects, and I love watching all of the trees bloom again. And it's just a reminder that life goes in seasons. And as the seasons go and change, so does your life. Different things are important in different changes of your life. And spring, March and April are always those months for me, as well as November. I don't know why, but where I make big changes and it feels like this fresh start and this rebirth area of life, if you will, and this opportunity to show up differently, especially when you're in the cold months and you're kind of hunkering down and it's like you don't want to get out and do as many things, and you just want to be cozy in your home. And then once the sun starts coming around and you remember, like, okay, yes, I love being outside even more. And it just it puts into perspective how much I'm really grateful for these seasons of change. And I feel that in my life as well. And having these conversations with my partner with that moving into this next chapter, how we want to grow our life and build together, it just feels really inspiring. And for me, one of those things is talking about this on my podcast and sharing those experiences with you. Okay, so kind of to end this episode, I want to talk about how my life that I want is in motion. I'm just in the early process, the early stages. But I know that if I keep on this path of choosing this life, I will get there. I'm still grateful for the life I'm living right now. Where I was compared to five years ago, looking at my memories, it's drastically different. I never would have been able to picture where I'm at right now, and I'm so incredibly grateful that these experiences and opportunities that have come my way have allowed me to step into more of my purpose and more of my alignment. And I am feeling really grateful for that. And it's my favorite word. If you know me, I genuinely talk about gratitude all the time. But I also want to say that, you know, one day you will reflect on everything you're doing right now. Maybe just not today. The actions that I took a year ago, two years ago, I'm just starting to see the results of that now. And it's a beautiful thing. It just makes my heart so happy. So happy. Okay, with that being said, I want to end this episode with a journal prompt. One that will get you feeling inspired, think about where you're at in life, think about where you actually want to be going. So, what am I doing right now that my future self will thank me for, even if I can't see the results yet. Let that sit with you. Think about it. I just want to leave you with this. If it feels like nothing is working right now, that doesn't mean it's not. It just might mean you're in the leg. And this is the part where most people quit. Not because they're not capable, but because they didn't give it enough time to catch up. So instead of asking yourself, why isn't this working yet? I want you to start asking, am I showing up as the person I said I wanted to become? Because that's what actually matters. Your life will reflect it. Your results will count and your opportunities will show. Just not always on your timeline. So keep going, keep showing up, keep choosing yourself, even when it feels invisible. Because one day you're gonna look around at your life and realize it's everything you've been working for. And it didn't happen overnight. It happened because you did it quick in the leg. And as always, thank you for being here, for growing with me, and for being on this journey. And I'll see you in the next episode.