Oversharing about… First Date to Parenthood: Tyler’s POV

On this episode, Court sit’s down with her husband, Tyler & discusses, first impressions, early dating years, parenthood, postpartum & all the in between! 

Transcript

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I'm court and this is Moms and Mars Uncensored. That's funny. The uncensored part. What is that playing That there will be no censoring of things that we say on this show. Fair enough. Obviously this is a man's voice, so I don't have my, my co-host my other half, but I have my real life other half here today and his name is. Tyler Tyler reject. Good to be here. Yep. So life has been crazy. I had a work event. Jessica got a part-time bartending job and we literally had zero time in the past two weeks to get together to record these episodes. So just life be life it, man. So we thought it would be fun instead of not having an episode to have my husband on and just get something out there to you guys because we miss you. So first of all, what are we drinking? We always start out with what we're drinking. Espresso martini made by me and not Jessica. So it's, it's, it's actually pretty good. Yeah. I mean, I was surprised it was kind of a disaster to make. Yeah. Making it, it was got everywhere. Um. Chaos, like usual, but it tastes pretty good, I think. Yeah, I'm impressed. Yeah. Alright. Highs and lows. Hmm. I'm trying to think of my high. My high would be my work event. It was like the best, it was our fifth annual fundraiser event and we did it like a totally different location and used, you know, kind of different people than we normally do. And it was just the best one yet. We raised a ton of money, everything came together. The location was great, the vibes were great. Um, it just, you know, it was awesome and it always feels very fulfilling to see it all unfold after all the hard work. So that would definitely be my high. Was there any drama at that event? There was a little bit of drama. There was a, a fight over at the corn hole tournament. Best friends over a girl. Go figure. Um, towards the end of the night, probably too, towards the end of the night, they'd been drinking, you know, at the beer gardens for like five hours and just stupid stuff. Other than that, there was a lady who had like prior medical issues and she was, um, having some seizures, which was really scary to watch. But other than that it was like, it was smooth sailing. Everyone was having fun. We did a karaoke contest this year, which we're gonna tie in every single year. Um, so entertaining like judges telling them after each performance what they thought, um, they're actually rating them. They were actually rating them. Yeah, like numerically. I did a whole scoring sheet and then, um, tally them up, but they would like tell them what they thought of their performance. So the ones that were just like not great. Um. It was kind of funny. It would tell them Yeah. But in a nice way, you know, at least you tried. So next year we think we're gonna do it like the voice and we're gonna turn the chairs. I could probably, I could see that being like the main draw. Yeah. I mean, we originally only had five entries in the karaoke contest and like 16 people tried to enter and we had to cut it off at like 13 and our event ran like 45 minutes past, like yeah, it was, are you supposed to leave? Yeah, at a certain time. But I mean, who would've thought? But yeah, so that was my high, my low. Hmm. So after that I went to a beach house with all of my family because my nephew, who was the only freshman on a varsity baseball team, had a tournament in San Diego. So we went and watched him every day. That was like the sole purpose we went, but, um, took the kids to the beach, all of that. So my low would be leaving there. It's always kind of sad. You're ready to come home, but. River has so much fun with his cousins and just watching that and like watching him so excited at the beach and spending time with my family, like it's always a little bit of a letdown. He went on his first airplane home and that was surprisingly like flight delayed an hour and a half. Um, possible disaster. Yeah, possible. Like total breakdown that morning. Didn't wanna go on an airplane all of a sudden wanted crying to stay with his cousins. And I'm like, you know, my anxiety's like just amping up. But, um, it went so smooth. So I don't know if that's just like a, I'm like gonna anticipate that it's gonna go that way every time and that was just a one off. But, um, yeah, that's my going low. It's better that to happen and everything. Very smooth. Yeah. Than the opposite and then you're kind of chilled on him. Yeah. Worse case scenario, first time, just him and I by ourselves. Yeah, that's actually crazy. And then all like TSA alleged delays and Yeah, nothing. And we got there early. No line. I mean, we were probably in there for like five minutes. Didn't even need his birth certificate to fly. It was like a whole, yeah. Shocking. But yeah, that is my high and low. What is your high and low? Um, I would say probably my high of the, well I'll start with a low. Yeah, let's hear the low. Well, I mean, you guys were gone. Yeah. So, so you were bored. Oh yeah. Offending for myself. For yourself. Hunger Games, scrapping by. And that, and work was rough too. We were doing like, I don't know how to describe it. Like high profile stuff? Yeah. Where. We would do this thing and then like two or three other people would come behind us and try to work off of what we did. Yeah. And those other people, every time we're complaining about it and they're like, oh, it's no good. It's no good. And then the foreman come by, oh no, good. This is like, these guys can't do this and that they're having to take time and fix. Judging you. Yeah. And for my partner too, he's used to being like the og. He's the best. Yeah. No one ever. So the case. And so it's interesting to see how he kind of reacts to that stuff. Yeah. Because he's getting called out and I can tell it really bothers him. But yeah, I mean, it kind of bothers me too. But yeah, that was my whole week was just listening to everybody complain about our work, essentially. So I don't know if you could imagine that, but that's basically what we were doing all week. But the high was today. Well, you and River coming home was. That's my high of the week, having you guys back. But then back to work, the foreman came by and said, Hey, all the doors that you've been doing since that point have been awesome. Oh, so you guys figured it out. Whatever you're doing, keep doing it, essentially. So it was kind of like a breakthrough relief. Yeah. They know that we're not incapable of doing it, I guess. Battle. Yeah, he just grinded, got through it. I mean, you guys hear me talk about how he works a lot. 10 hour days, commutes, and I mean, most Saturdays really more Saturdays than not Saturdays I feel like. So yeah, it's been letting up lately. Yeah. But yeah, usually, especially when you get to a new job, it's just, he's gone a lot and. It's a blue collar work, it ain't no in front of a computer work. So yeah, I could imagine how that would be taxing and frustrating and mentally exhausting when it's not going smooth. Yeah. When it's not going smooth. And then all your like friends or your coworkers or whoever, guys who are used to like laughing and joking and everybody's, and then all of a sudden everybody's kind of changing their tune and they're like, what's going on? Why, why this, that, or whatever. So yeah, it was felt like we were getting set up. That's kind of interesting that, um, we have primarily female listeners, but that this type of like dialogue still exists in male workforce where you kind of feel like someone's being different to you or like, oh, it's totally the same thing. There's absolutely no different. I think it's so funny 'cause if any piece of information gets out Yeah. Wherever, at any time of the day, it's gonna be around the whole job site. In an hour, probably rumor Oh, so fast and stuff. That's not even on this job. On other jobs, if something happens on another job there, it's getting back to us and we find out about it. So it's probably worse, honestly. Honestly, I think guys are emotionally more volatile than girls. Deep down. They don't display it that way, but I think they feel a lot deeper than they give on. I think that they probably feel it. I think there's no denying that, but I don't think that they're gonna like, oh, I'm not talking to Manuel anymore. He was, he was being, he is being so weird, or he was talking crap about me, or, no, but impressions are real, but I've seen it. People do do that. Yeah. They, oh man, this guy is, no, he's no good. He is. Oh, he thinks he's so good. He Nobu. Yeah, he is Nobu worker. He really is. So, impressions. Okay. That leads us into, you know, how we're gonna, we're gonna start this off because I think a lot of the people, my family included, think that I had a certain impression of you very early on and vice versa. But like, what was your first impression of me and, and when, because I have given a little backstory of how Tyler was friends with someone who was mutual friends with my ex. And that's kind of how we, that's kind of how we met. Yeah. We went to high school together, never talked to each other. Honestly, hated who he was dating, so it was just kinda like, all right, if I hate her, he must be. Lame too. So, and you were a couple, you were two years younger years. So two grades younger. Oh yeah. So yeah. Nothing in high school. But then he became friends. Well, he, his best friend became friends with my ex-boyfriend. So he started coming around. Is that not Fred? You know what I'm mean? Yeah. Acquaintance. Acquaintance hit like, oh, hey, there's such and such going on over here. You guys should come. So he started coming over to these little get togethers at my house when I was in the deep of like, I need to get outta this relationship. It's toxic, it's this. And my best friend Kelly, who was his friend at the time, not my friend, she started coming around and encouraging me to leave my ex. So this is when my family would say. When you first saw him, you immediately wanted him. No, that's not true. That's probably true. No. Let it be known and let it be on the record. That is not true. Um, I didn't even pay much attention to you at first because everyone was like, I don't know, you just kind of seemed like the, the player dude of the group. And I was kind of fighting for my life trying to escape this relationship. That was like, my main focus was like, how do I get out of this? Mm-hmm. Um, and I had like no confidence at that point from that relationship. So no, there was no like, ooh, it, it wasn't till like, I feel like I actually left him. And then you were still coming around and I was hanging with Kelly and I was like, oh yeah. We kind of just, uh, our friend group basically kept hanging out together still. Yeah. And he was out of the equation essentially. Yeah. But my first impression of you, I thought I'm, it's a, you're a cute girl and you seem like you like to have fun and Well, yeah, I was wild for Were you what? I, no, I was wild in the sense that we party a lot after, uh, you guys broke up. I would say. Yes. Yes. And I was wild because I was locked down for like four years and I wasn't allowed to do anything, like literally anything. So then it was like release. Yeah. Terrible, terrible. I know. Oh, but we were partying then I started, well at least, yeah. Okay. Heat is hot. And then I think the real pool was just like different girls from the group had already hooked up with you or were wanting to, and that was kind of intriguing or like, I looked at it as a challenge, I guess. So your value system was based off of what other, that's kind of interesting. I think there's probably been a study done on that. And funny thing is, so if someone would've said, uh, Tyler's ugly, he stinks, and I don't, he's kind of weird. You'd just been like, oh, okay. I've been like, oh, okay. I'll stay far, far away from that. But Tyler's kind of hot and such and such, kind of wants to hook up with him. There was a lot of chatter about you and so it was like, I'm gonna, I'm going to, I'm gonna give it a shot. Yeah. Put my hat in the ring here. And originally I was going to, and I had nothing going on at the time. I was gonna hook up with your friend, which is crazy to say. But yeah, this is like a, I just got outta this long relationship. I just need to talk to someone and like I need to get. That whole thing outta my system and have fun. And it was like, oh, okay. This friend would be the easy, like the sweet person to do that with. So I remember the party, we would go to the house party on, uh, Mark Lane house. Yeah, my old house and what was it? Savannah. Oh my gosh. Savannah. She'll be listening. Oh, well we were like, I don't know, we were, there's like a park next to the house and it was like the middle of the night. We were all probably pretty drunk. And what happened? She, we were playing hide and seek. We were playing drunk, hide and seek. And she was running full force to find us. And she hit like this, like lip, this like ledge. Mm-hmm. Oh my god. With like a three foot drop. Got really hurt. But we slammed her toe couldn't stop laughing. And I think. Tyler and I were like, we kept looking at each other, like, did that really happen? Like what did, we couldn't stop laughing though. But like, one of those things, and we were really drunk at the time. Make eye contact with someone and you start laughing about it again. True. Mm-hmm. And, um, I think then I was kinda like, Hmm, okay. That was it. But he, I like told him, I think I was like getting outta GC one of my college classes and I'm like, I'm gonna text him and tell him, you know, like, Hey, we've kind of been, there's like a vibe, you know, like, I kind of like you, but at this time he's still occasionally hanging out with my aunt. I was trying to meet. Yeah. Who was like, I was, because I was like, I, I have this friend and he didn't go, like, he didn't play football. Like I, he wasn't just like a genuine. A new friend. I don't know. I was like, I didn't, I don't know. I'm glad that I didn't continue Yeah. Pursuing that. But I texted because I, it was really, 'cause I was like, I can't, 'cause like, I, like, I can't do that. Like, that's, my husband's like, not something to your friend. One of the most honest, um, people I'll try and like, make up a fake excuse for him for work. And it's like, you can just tell it. Just like, he just can't, like, he's just like honest to a fault. Like, dude just like fucking lie and be like, Hmm, you know, this happened. And he's just like, Ooh, a flip through my alarm. It's like, oh bro, come on. That's, but you, I never say you hate lying. I do. I really do. I, well, I'm in, I understand when lying is necessary, especially in situations like that. But like, I'm not very good at coming up with. Like, I don't have like a, a ready to go. So then it just sounds awkward and inauthentic and I'm just like, oh. And then that makes me like cringe. Yeah. Inside. And it's just, I'm a swindler. I can come up with some stuff. Swindler or you mean you're a liar? No, I'm a liar. I'm not a liar. I'm a swindler in the time need I can come up with Yeah. Some good things. Mm-hmm. And, um, on the spot, but okay, so I text him. I got out of my class and I'm just like, Hey, I feel like there's a vibe. Like, I like you. And he's just like, mm, no, I'm not interested. I wish we still had that. I bet it's on Facebook Messenger. Honestly. I bet we could honestly go look back at it like, but from my vantage point, it seemed like it was. Very close to like the official breakup for me to be comfortable with it. Yeah. But I get it on her end too. So I was just like, uh, like, uh, I mean, from my perspective, it felt, I was like, you guys just broke up and you're Yeah, he, he, I had a question on you and I'm thinking, this guy is a player and he's really gonna tell me that he's not into me. Like, okay, checkmate. So I kept lingering around with Kelly and we kept all hanging out and eventually we kissed and he goes shortly after, I think it was on Halloween to hang out with this said ex-boyfriend of mine. And I don't know how it came about, but what he was like. What's going on with Courtney or what, how, how you feel it. Yeah. I went over to their house. Well, I The house that you were living in, my old house that, that you moved out of? Yes. So I went to that and that's the same house that we would like drink and hang out at. Mm-hmm. And I go over there to just hang out and, and this was after we kissed too. And I was just like, gosh, I haven't thought about that in a while. But yeah, he is like, something to the effect of like, so you were, you and Courtney have been hanging out and stuff. Uh, now two or Right. And I think this one Snapchat was like really big too. Mm-hmm. And so like the top three or top five best friends or whatever Oh yeah. Would show who you were snapping. Yeah. So I think he had an idea about it now that I think about it, but I think he just straight up came out of the blue and asked, not out of the blue, just straight up was like, so have you kissed her? And it, you ever get like shocked by a question that you just like, I don't know about you, but me, me, like, I don't have the, like the lies or like the capacity, the, the smoke bombs to just throw in, in case of emergency. So it just got me on the spot and like, it's like, what do I say? Like, I, I'm not gonna try and think of a lie right in front of your face. So it's like, yeah, yeah. Her and I kissed, and then it's like, hey, well you know what? That's really fucked up man. And. Blah, blah, blah. I don't really remember, but something to that effect. He was upset and like, of course. Yeah. But it's just crazy that all unfolded, like face to face. 'cause most confrontations nowadays are all like internet or text message. And if they're face to face and you're like, oh, I kissed your ex-girlfriend, that is actually pretty crazy. Yeah. Okay. Or something. Ah, yeah. I would be, if one of my, uh, I mean new friends, but yeah. One of my friends, like me and you broke up. Yeah, we're divorced or like, whatever we're dating. But again, let it be known. This kiss, please confirm on the record, happened after I was broken up with him. Did it not? Yes, it did. 1000% like weeks after. Yeah, it was a, it was really, I think it was or two after. So I said that. When she texted me and said, oh, I think you're cute and I want to hang out with you, or I, I I like you, or whatever. To the effect that she texted me, that I said was mm-hmm. Like a little recent to when they broke up. I think that kiss happened a week. No, probably two, two to three weeks after that. Yeah. Any physical contact. Yep. So there everyone, my dad will still know They're harping you about that. They've been harping you about that. My dad swears, oh no, you were talking to him when, oh fuck. But after this, after he finds out, we kissed, he then goes to, oh yeah, I forgot about this. Get ahold of my dad and tell him she's a slut. She's this, here's other guys that she's dated in the past. That you didn't know about that you were familiar with? Um, she's failing a college class. Her login just n login. Like just trying to nook you just nuked me. Right. So, and I, well did, I was failing a college class. They weren't lies or were they? And my dad did. He was like, log, show me, blah, blah, blah. And he was mad, but he was also like, that's a bitch of him to, like, my dad was on a, um, you know, you're not gonna say, well he, was he aware of the kind of relationship that you had at that point? No, he didn't know, like all the toxic, my dad still to this day, doesn't it? And he doesn't listen this podcast, but my mom does. Um. But like, I didn't share everything with my dad because dad's, you know, my dad is very protective and Yeah. Uh, like my dad and my brother, I didn't want them to know, like, the extent of certain things unless like, what if it was reversed? I feel like the opposite. 'cause you know how he like, oh, hold of your dad, and was like, oh yeah, she's failing class and she's doing this. That you, if something was, if it was the opposite, you could go to your dad and your brother and be like, oh, this guy did this, that, and this. And they'd be like, where is he at? Where is he at? It was so petty that he did that. Hell yeah. I mean, it's kind funny. I, okay. The pettiness continued. You know what I'm talking about? Okay. So Simon and I were dating, we began dating officially. Were just, we were in courtship. We were courting each other. I know. We were drinking and hooking up and talking to each other. Yeah. And all our group did at that time, because mind you. I'm only like 23, I think. 22. Yeah. I think I'm like 22 years old and we're just drinking and partying. Don't really have a real job that I'm holding onto nothing. Bank account, nothing. Living with my parents again. Um, just kind of just whatever. So we were toxic. We would drink, we would fight, we'd hang out again. We'd drink, we'd fight. Oh yeah. It was pretty, we'd egg each other on. Yeah. Um, by flirting with other people or different things when we were drunk and yeah. The pettiness just kinda, or if I had a girl on my Snapchat, top five or whatever you would Yeah. He automatically escalate or like boost somebody. He always this one girl faith on his thing and it was like, oh no we don't. I'm like, what are you saying? She lives in another state. I don't give a shit. Ugh. Still, I'm gonna get mad. One thing I do, I did respect a lot about Courtney when we first started dating, is that she was just straight up like, Hey, stop talking to other girls. And I was just like, what? Knock it off. Yeah. And I was just like, no one's ever said that to me before. I think we were hanging out drunk one time. We weren't even boyfriend and girlfriend yet. And that girl FaceTimed him or Snapchatted him and I Snapchatted her back on his phone. It was me and his hat and his hoodie, and it was like FaceTiming him like something to that. So crazy. Now I'm a mom. How? Yeah. No. Wow. God. Crazy to think about. But that would be like, how long ago was that? Red flags, right? You always say like, what were red flags that you ignored? Our relationship was red flag, the whole thing. Yeah. Like we really, when I say we shouldn't have ended up, we talked about this on a different episode, we shouldn't be here right now based on like how everything transpired between us. Well, I mean, what else happened after that? So your ex talked to your dad and tried to get you in trouble or? Yeah, and then after I, and then wasn't he in your, he was living in a house that you guys technically owned, you guys were allowing, or you're cool with him being there? You moved out and then it came time like, Hey bud, you gotta, it's been a while. You gotta, you need to move out. How, I think How long was it? Because then we wanted to rent the house later down the line with Jade and we, we've lived, this was like two years. Yeah. We were in apartments and all that. Yeah. We apartment hopped like twice I think after that. Yeah. And we were finally like, let's just. Go to the house. Yeah. We had a roommate, my best friend, Jade at the time, and we had been living in an apartment and, and then she got a boyfriend too, and it was even more, yeah. So there was four of us and we're like, okay, we have this house that my parents own and like they technically like bought for us, and they felt that, and they've been letting him live in it because he's technically from out of town and doesn't have family, blah, blah, blah. Then they tell him like, all right, we've let you live here for like, I think it was like four years at that time. Yeah. Um, and he kinda got crazy with my mom and my aunt Janine was like, oh, that's crazy. You know? Um, but yes, he got out and full circle. We moved into the house that we like initially you could say met at. Yeah. And we party at and later would bring our son home too. Yeah. Which is crazy to think about. Yeah. So how full circle is that? Yeah, I mean, um. I mean, it was just crazy. The whole thing was crazy. But yeah, we went through some hard stuff. Got through it. Yeah, got married, tried. You know what everyone does. Let's have kids. And realized like this is soon, like it's been a while. It should have worked by now. Yeah. This isn't working the way, like you spend your whole life trying to not get pregnant, like this should be easy. Um, where we realized, because I don't think we were trying to like not, we were never, how do I say that? Safe, right? So yeah, there's a good way to put it. Irresponsible, I guess you could say. Um, but yeah. And then we go through all of that and we get married and we find out we can't get pregnant and we go through testing and all this, and we have to do IVF and mind you. When Tyler and I were dating early on, he said he didn't want kids. And I told my mom, I think I have to break up with him because I do know personally that kids are a hundred percent my future, so why waste my time with him? And my mom was like, at the time, he was in his twenties. My mom's like, he's in his twenties. Like he says that now. That doesn't mean it's later on. And I'm like, but why am I gonna take that chance and like waste all this time with him if that might be? And she was like, yeah, no, I get it. He's not at the maturity level to know His pain's not fully developed. Yeah. I wouldn't call it off because of that, you know? You know, and well, in my defense, I never, I didn't have any cousins with small children, kids. I didn't have any like basically zero contact with kids. I didn't. Go to parties and there were kids and they were doing whatever, and I thought it was cool. Like, oh, I want a kid. That'd be so fun. Like I never, I think the first baby you held was Willow. My niece, or maybe Ethan, your friend. Ethan's, I don't remember. Yeah. To be honest with you. But I mean, but yeah, I mean that either. Either one of those things that was like when he held River, it was only like the second or fifth baby he ever held in his life. And I remember like, you know, two weeks before, no, like a month before I was due with River, I started thinking, oh my God, like he's never really how baby or anything, like how's this gonna go? Like, is he gonna know what to do? Is he like, and then the second I saw him hold him, I was like, okay. It was like he had held and been around a thousand, a thousand ladies. So yeah, that's kind of a cool moment. Yeah, I mean we went full circle and. I appreciate that. Like later on in life when we talk to River, we're not just like, I mean good for you if you have this relationship that went smooth the whole time, like that's awesome as well. But I personally like the fact that we can tell River like Ha, things were not perfect between us, but we knew we had something that was worth like fighting for and we kept battling and we kept changing ourselves for the better and creating like this version of ourselves that was not only better for ourselves, but for each other. And eventually everything kind of clicked and we, and we fought. We could fight. I think whatever, if you think no matter what part of your life you're gonna, there's gonna be suffering through it. Whether that's relationships, that's jobs, that's raising kids, it's, there's gonna be some. Some piece, some part of suffering involved in it. And it just depends, like, are you all in on this or not? Yeah. So I think we were, I mean, we were just red flags, super toxic relationship, but we, there was something that we just were locked on each other. Mm-hmm. We're willing to suffer for each other and see this thing through. And I think that is kind how we got to where we are now. Yeah. Because it wasn't like, oh, this is too hard. Like, I, I can't do, and I would've totally understand like, some of the stuff that we'd gone through, you know, either one of us could have been like, Hey, this is too much for me. Like, I don't, but. I don't think really either of us wavered, were willing to waver on um, each other. Yeah. In their time of need. No, I think there was always something that drew us to each other and like, deep down, even when everything was falling apart, we were like, no, there's something that we're holding on to that's worth something and is going to mm-hmm. Be worth something at some point. Like it has to be right. Mm-hmm. So, I mean, because in other relationships I was very flighty, if it's not working, it's not working, let's move on. Let's go to the next thing. Like, yeah. And there was a lot of red black in this one and for some reason I didn't wanna do that. And I think that's where I was like, well, why? Like, that's been your trend this whole time. Like why now? True. Are you so true? Trying to stick around for this like, but. Later on, it helped us because we continued to go through. Yeah. It didn't stop things, it didn't stop. Um, you know, river, we fought to have river first of all, you know, going through IVF was a struggle. It was what I thought was like gonna be the hardest part. Just the medication and the anxiety hormones and the hormones and the appointments and is this gonna work? And, um, yeah. And it's not just like uncertainty is it gonna work for me, but like, is my body gonna do what it's supposed to do and is it gonna, like I wanted everyone else to get something outta this too, right? They were all like, banking on a grand baby, or a niece or a nephew or whatever it may be. And so I felt like I had all this pressure on me to like, yeah, get the win. Like this has to work. And it could be kind of thing like, this is your, like my body couldn't do it on its own, so if this fucking science can't do it, then like. It really is me. And yeah, we fought through that and I think we were, honestly, I felt like a lot closer to you from all of that. I remember being terrified with certain medications or things like that, and you were always kind of like the, not like, why are you being dramatic? Like, you didn't harp on me. You were just very patient and just like, Hey, we're gonna do it. We're gonna get through it. I'll do it. I'll help you, whatever, you know? Mm-hmm. Um, and I felt like we got a lot closer from that process. And then I was pregnant and it was like, okay, we did it. We did all the hard stuff. And that was a whole experience getting, getting pregnant. When you went to, uh, we go to the, what was it? Bloom? Yeah. The, the IVF place. And essentially they gave her a, what was it, a Valium or a. Some kind of, I I thought it was weird 'cause it, you'd think it'd be like a, a pain medication or something. Yeah, but it was like a, a Valium, like some kind of like a Twilight Zone type of Yeah. And I was like, I thought that was weird. And then they kind of do their thing and they're just like, all right, like give her a smack on the butt, like, we'll see you. And then I'm driving home and I don't even think she looked at her phone once, she was just like staring at the front windshield the whole time. Just like totally zoned out. Like, like what just happened on a Yeah. You were totally unfazed by anything. That was probably the one of the funniest things I told everyone on the podcast a couple episodes back that my transfer was the most at peace I ever felt. Even the week after when everyone's like, oh my God, that's the waiting point. You feel so much anxiety. I just remember everyone coming over and I'm just like, I feel good. I feel like it worked. I feel Yeah, that's good. I tested early, I did all the things I wasn't supposed to, not supposed to do do. And I just knew that that little guy was in there and I had a, some pregnancy. It was literally, I've told you guys before I was working out, the day that I went in for regular blood work, got induced, all the things happened, emergency C-section, um, things now that I look back at and I'm like, oh my God, if someone told me I was having like a C-section tomorrow, I'll be like, no, I can't. I'm terrified. You know me, I'm like a builder. If I sit on something too long. Yeah. I like will Google every possible like I will. Do you think that helps you or do you think that, does that calm you down or do you think that No. Makes everything worse? It makes everything worse, but I can't not do it. It's such a terrible habit. Interesting. Like Jessica and I talk about this all the time. I'm like a habitual like. For me, it was crazy too. 'cause we were, when we were so they induced you or whatever And I was, at the time, I was working a, a work from home job. Yep. I've told them that part it. And so I, uh, like I finished my shift or I come out for lunch. I don't even remember what it was. And I come out and it's just like my mom there. I think she was, and my mom. Yeah. Both of our moms were there setting street. They're like, oh yeah, Courtney, she, uh, she went to the hospital and they say they're inducing her. And I was like, what? And I think it was like the, you know, you see in all the movies, it's like, I gotta get there. And my wife's pregnant. He thought I was gonna like, yeah, you pop the baby out before he got there. Yeah. He didn't realize it was gonna be a five day thing leading to an emergency C-section. Pretty much. Yeah. You were there. I remember. And I get that. I'm like, where my, my wife, her name's Courtney. Where is she? Okay. But secret, when I, right before I went into that blood work, like I went to the gym that day. I came home, they were setting up the nursery. I was like, I have to go get this blood work. Um, like on the way I got a coffee, which like, you're not supposed to have a lot of coffee, especially when you're doing IVF, right? So then when they were doing the blood work, at first I was like telling them, I'm like, oh, I shouldn't have that coffee. I don't say anything to anybody, but I had a coffee. Maybe that's why my blood pressure's high. You know, like, don't tell my husband or my mom or, anyway, um, and they were just like, oh, no, no, no. Like your blood pressure is like you're freaking, you would've had 20 copies to make it sweat. I'm like, oh, okay. Well then like, take that off my medical charge. You don't need in there for anybody reject that. Um, I did not have coffee, but yeah, I mean, that was like, I don't think I, I thought at the time again. I thought, okay, this is the hard part. I'm having these contractions, I'm not dilating any further. They put those freaking Foley bulbs in and I, yeah, that was rough. That was a rough couple of days. And I thought, I get done with the C-section. I'm hyperventilating during the C-section. Thankfully they pull him out right in the time where I was gonna like tell them I can't do this. I was freaky. You mean can you imagine a worse time to like have a panic attack is when someone's, you're getting a C-section, getting, they have that sheet and they have the mask and I can't breathe and I can't move my legs. And I'm like, I am about to tell them I can't do this. But we had that anesthesiologist who was really cool and he was like asking questions and like he knew I was, yeah, he was cool. Freaking out. And right when I was about to say like literally freak out, they pull river out and he's screaming, crying, you know what you want? You want a screaming, crying baby to come out? And he just had these freaking massive. Hands and feet that they always saw in the ultrasound. He's just like, rah. And I'm like, okay. Like cool. Now that was the hardest part, you know, like, okay. We got through the hardest part, literally. Um, and it had to stay a couple days more. He was jaundice. I had to heal. And Tyler at the time, had started that new job, so he had to leave. Like my mom had to come stay with me and I couldn't get up in the middle of the night after like, yeah, this is, well, like this was probably four days, five days in at this point. Yeah. But still, yeah. Think about, that's kind of wack. I should have just, I mean, if you knew now, like, yeah, that wasn't gonna be your career, but you didn't know that at the time. Yeah, but I mean even, you know, so I was, you would've been fired and you would've had no money. So maybe it was the right decision at the time, but it's crazy to think back on now. He had to leave and go home. River and I were there with my mom, thank God, but I couldn't get up, like the nerve blockers wore off and for me to get up was like a process. Like I couldn't, like when he was crying, I couldn't just like jump out and get him. It was like, uh, everything was started. Isn't that like a mom instinct too, is like the crying baby thing. And so, and then he had those little goggles on and was under the light. Oh my god. You know, and like my mom, she was, you know, she's a beast. She helped me a lot during that time. We go home, everything's smooth. We have this baby. And at first, like the first week or two, I'm having to wake him up to feed him. He was asleep and he never really cried. It was like, I'm like, what is everyone talking about? This is pretty easy stuff. Like, and then I think now looking back. All the hormones that I was being pumped with through my, you know, second trimester and the IVF and like for two years straight, pretty much, I think I started to take a big dip and river became, um, what, when he was like sea spit up all the time, like, call ay or whatever. Or he would spit up like nonstop. I forgot about that. Yeah. Um, he didn't sleep very well. He cry forever. Like, you'd be like rocking him around the house and he would just like be bawling where I was like, should we take him to the hospital? Like, what, what's happening? And at that time is when I started to just like really decline. Like just mentally, I just felt like I couldn't handle anything. Like every time he cried, I just like. I was like dying inside. I felt like I was, I wanted to just like break down and like, I just was like, what did I do? I'm not cut out for this. Like, I did all this stuff to get him here. Yeah. And now I'm not like living up to my part that I'm supposed to be as a mom. So maybe they would just be better off if I just like dipped out and like let them handle it on their own. What a crazy. Yeah. Like, um, what, what a profound, I don't remember, but like, I was sad. I was so sad all the time. Like nothing. It'd be better if I dipped out. Yeah. Like I remember telling you like, just divorce me. Just leave me. Like, I was trying to push everybody away. Yeah. Everyone. And, but I think, well, in your defense, I think that like, I think the same thing is like when bodybuilders get off steroids, it's like a huge. Hormone changer, booster, you know, probably allotted testosterone and all this stuff. Yeah. Like you can't just stop. No, you can't. Like those guys go through like six months of like deescalation. Yeah, you can't, because if you go to cold Turkey, I think that's when you get like the man boobs and the, I like literally, I think like, I think that's probably, well, and then I couldn't, A post cycle is what it's called. I couldn't breastfeed. I tried for two weeks. He wouldn't latch. So we took him in and we got this tongue and lip tie thing. They bring him back in, he's bleeding from his mouth and he's screaming, crying. And I'm like, oh my God, what did I just do to my poor baby? And then we go home and the week after, he's still not latching. So I'm like, okay, here we go. I can't, my body, this is not going. This is not going well. My body couldn't make a baby on its own now. It can't feed a baby on its own. I just felt like I was like letting him down and letting everyone down. That I was just like, if I just move to a different fricking state and everyone just forget about me than like, and that was just the, like, those were just the thoughts that would go out in my head that I convinced myself of. And it's gotta be a, a scary place to be at where you're thinking, yeah, the best thing for my baby is to leave. Yeah. That to not ha he's turn off. I would think when, you know, Tyler, we would take shifts and literally, I, he would come in and he would set the Alexa up and it would be, you know, I still remember the songs, um, damn Cold Vampires by Zach Bryan, then Western Fields. Western Fields, random songs. Right. And he put the oil diffuser on for me. And he would take River for like, I don't know, four or five hours. And I would hear him and I would cry myself to sleep. And then I would hear him coming down the wood floor into our room because it's about to be my shift. 'cause I had to sleep for like. Four hours or summer, anything to go to work. And I would think, no, I can't do it again. After getting the diffusers and the, yeah, the Alexa playlist brings him in and he puts him down and he starts crying, like, I can't do it like I will, I'm just gonna have to walk out the front door. And just like, really, that's how I felt. Like, I just felt so sad all the time, like so defeated nonstop that I, yeah, it was like, it was just the lowest I've ever been. And I wanna know, like, what was that like for you? Because I just, I couldn't imagine if the roles were reversed and I, like, I couldn't help you or didn't know how to, like whatever I said didn't change the way that you felt. So from my perspective, yeah, just. You know, you would, I could tell something was wrong or like something was not how it should be. Like something, yeah, like, I don't know, I just get all my baby information from like TV or like movies or whatever, but it's like, oh, I have this baby and this is so cool. But it didn't feel like that. And I could tell you were struggling with something and you know, and you see this stuff I think on the internet too of like postpartum this, postpartum that. And it's like, so I was like, if you, you say you need, well I think that's just the thing in every guy too is like when you're significant other, like genuinely needs help with something. Yeah. Or struggling with something. I think most guys have, uh. In a state of crisis, like they're willing to or more than willing to step in and take care of whatever. 'cause like I would, I would work, I think the shift I was, it was work from home job, but it was like a, a, I think 10 o'clock until like eight or something. Seven, yeah. Seven or eight. Yeah, maybe it was 11. I don't remember the start time. But yeah, I got probably like 5, 6, 7, something like that. And then we like maybe have dinner mess, not mess around, but like hang out for a couple hours and then she'd go to sleep and then I would take River. I would, you know, I'd, he was just in his little Boppy. His Boppy in his little, yeah, bpi or his Biy, I don't remember what it's called. We would call him Biy and a Boppy and what was that blanket thing called? The swaddle? Yeah. He'd just be swaddled up in his little. Like chair thing, and he is like just recline, like look so comfortable. And I always just stay up and play video games until like three. Yeah, I think that was when my shift started. And then usually, I think I timed it to where like he would wake up once and then I have to put him back to sleep. Or maybe it was once or twice he'd wake up. But anyways, like after I fed him, got him to sleep a second time, and then it's like, okay, I'll put him in the, uh, bassinet. Yeah, I put him in the bassinet in the room, our bedroom, the room that we all shared, and then I would go to sleep. And then if he wakes up at that point it's, you know, it's not my problem essentially. Yeah. So I mean, that's what, I'll give you a break as I think how I felt like I would support you. And then like, I think not trying to be like, oh, just. Just snap out of it. Yeah. I couldn't imagine if you said that to me then, but that's kind of what, it's kind of what you want to do. But it feels like a trap almost. Yeah, because it's, you know, it's not gonna help, but it's, you know, it's what you want to say. It's like instinctual, just like, yeah, it was the deal. Like, yeah, well we held a river when he is having a tantrum or something. But yeah, it, you need a little more delicacy, I guess. And you just gotta be supportive and do what you can to help them if they want less, um, what's the word? Responsibility? Yeah. Give 'em a break from the responsibility of it. Um, kind of lighten their load because let's say like having a baby, it's not even close, but let's just say it's 50 50. Like I'll do 50% work. She'll do 50%. So like with the postpartum. It was like, I want to give you, like I wanna give you only, I want you only do like 20%. Yeah. Like, you know, like I want to take most of it on like, whatever you need, just let me know. I'll give you a break. You can go somewhere if you want to go. Like I'm totally, yeah. Just give you a break. Give them breaks where they need it, I think is No, I mean you were always accessible. I feel like that was like, you know, looking back like that work from home job, but, but just like if I was like, I would just go cry and need to take a bath and you just wouldn't be like, well, explain to me why you're upset. You know? Like you didn't try and like dig, you were just like, do what you need to do and you come back when you're ready to come back. Well, what would that have? Yeah. Yeah. Because I feel like you try to, I don't explain so it wouldn't have mattered. Yeah, exactly. You gave me the space and the time that I needed and it was like, that's all. There was no like fix, you know? But yeah. And I just needed to know that, like you said, like you weren't just gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna leave. Yeah. Like you just need a break for a little bit, and yeah, you'll come back for like round two and you'll be ready to go. Because I mean, reassurance or insurance. I threw out the divorce thing a lot. That was kind of my, like if we get divorced and it's just one less person that needs something from me, it's just one less responsibility. It's just one less person that wants me to fulfill these obligations that I feel like right now I just can't do anything. Right. So it was always like, well, let's just get divorced. Just leave. Just like. Which is crazy now, because now I would never be like, okay, let's just, it's like, let's figure it out. But back then, when you're in the thick of it and your brain is not like operating the way that it's supposed to, and those hormones are just, I insane. Like, and I think that's one of my biggest fears about doing another transfer and having another baby is like, everyone's like, well just do it. Just do it. You know what to expect. Like you want him to have a sibling? I don't get it. You have these frozen embryos, you know, like it seems like nobody understands, but it's like if you have experienced postpartum and everything that comes with it, it's like, I don't ever want to go back to that place. I don't wanna put anyone else around me back in that place. And so my fear is I do another transfer, and I like to think I wouldn't because I know now the signs and the things, but you don't know that. Hard to say. And I was talking, I was actually talking to somebody about that at work today. Like, oh, how many kids you have, blah, blah, blah, whatever. Yeah. They're like, you, you just have the one you don't want anymore. And it's, I was like, I do, but we gotta, you know, we gotta go through IVF and you know, it's not just like, oh, let's try to get pregnant. Ha ha we got pregnant. Wow. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. It's like we actually gotta like, you know, take medication and do all this stuff and I, I, I told him, I was like, last time she, she tried to leave me last time with a two month old. Yeah, yeah. So I was like, but would that be worth it? I was like, yeah, like, I'm down. Do it again. And I mean, we have to think of like river by the time we potentially do another transfer is, is four years old, so I'm four years older. I like to say four years more mature, but I don't think postpartum has anything to do with maturity. Honestly. I think you could be 40 and have a baby and possibly go through postpartum. I think it strictly has to do with hormones. Yeah. Straight up. And, um, there's gotta be some kind of like de cycle from it. I think that's, and I think it's a matter of talking to my doctor before and being like, look, I wanna do this transfer, but like, how do we wean me? Like what do we do here? Mm-hmm. Because, and I know they don't have all the answers either, but there's gotta be a way to like, not just drastically drop me after that many months. Seriously. Like if you guys saw what I was injected with and how many pills and things like, and then to just be like, no more. You're done. Yeah. Like, that's it. You're cut off. It's like insane to think back probably. Yeah. It's probably not the best thing, but I, I think Bloom should have probably been like, Hey, you know. You might be struggling a little bit afterwards. You know, and I think it's one of those things that i, VF has been around for a while, but in the grand scheme of things, it hasn't been around for, it's not this thing that's like, I feel like nowadays it's barely becoming more prevalent for people to do IVF like more common. And so I think they're probably learning as well, like the right ways to like Yeah. Navigate that and then, well they did a, they they did a good job of, yeah, actually they were awesome, you know? Yeah. They were really cool. Dr. Biro was awesome. I feel like I have a great team behind me and I feel like if I go in and I'm very clear about like my hesitations and things, that they will help me in whatever capacity they can, and it's not gonna be my first time. So that part is different. You know, those first time anxieties of is this, I remember river would poop a certain way and I'd send a picture to my mom or this blueberry pediatrics and be like, is this normal? Is this normal? Everything was like so foreign. So that added to the anxiety. Yeah, true. I think now, especially, you're a second kid, you're just like, whatever. River is our first kid, he's just like, yeah, he's hell on mills. Like, I mean, could I be surprised by anything after this? I don't think so. My mom said that river's just like my brother when he was, uh, you know, same age. Yeah. Three, four years old or whatever. Like, I was like chill. I would sleep. Yeah. No issues. I would, I don't know, like listen or whatever, but my brother would not. Yeah. And he was, my mom said just like River River's, just like Ryan. Well, everyone's like, oh, your next baby will be the opposite. They'll sleep. They'll be so calm, they'll be the, I'm like, I don't know. Well, did you want, you wanted to do the girl. Didn't you? Well, I mean, yeah, you want a girl and I mean, two boys would be cool. I like to think that. But a girl, I mean, I wouldn't complain either way, to be honest. I've been a crazy boy, mom. Like he's all boy. And so to be a girl mom sounds crazy to me. I don't know how I'd handle a girl, but I be a really good girl, mom. You know? Like I, your bank account will be hurt. What? 'cause spending girl clothes and stuff, I would go nutty if you think, yeah, we should do the boy, he gets mad at me. I come home when I say mad at me. One of the questions I had on here was, you know, who spends more money? Um, I feel like you're very frugal, but when you do spend, you're like, I'm buying this big thing. And me, I'm just kind of like, spend, spend, spend, spend, spend. Take break. Mm-hmm. But I'll come home with new stuff for river or something. And he's like. Or cheap plastic crap from China. Just nothing. We'll forget about it in a week. You'll never see it again. Don't you already have that shirt from Target? No, I don't say that, but I'm saying and when I buy something, like I'll use it for like five years, maybe more. Well, I'm an emotional offender. Different emotions bring different spending habits and, but it, yeah, I've gotten better. Let's just, oh yeah, for sure. But that's one of the questions. What's your, like, what's something that annoys you a lot about me? You can only pick one thing. Only one. Hmm. I'm making it tough. I don't know what annoy about you. Hmm. Hmm. I think that, Hmm. Buying cheap toys for our kids. Uh, that's, yeah. It's kind of annoying, but it's not like, I think you're kind of a, one thing is kind of annoying is like, you know, you and this person, you know, you go through the same event, right? And then the other person will tell a story about the same event that you've both been through, and then they will add details that you, you were not aware of. Like what, it just sounds like there's stuff added to the story and you're just like, oh, really? I must not remember that. That sounds like maybe a little extra spice added into the story. I'm curious what. You have to give an example? No. What do you mean? I can't think of a time where I just a fluff. I had fluff. Yeah, I had dramatics. You. That's embellish. I would say it's pretty close. Yeah, I would say it's pretty close. What kind of story? Like a serious story or like a Hoo I wanna tell no story about a situation. Oh yeah, river. He did a backflip and he solved a long math equation. You are like, what are you talking about, dude? No, I'm gonna have to beat him that I don't feel like I ever, you think I amp him up to sound more than he is? Oh, I'm not saying I'm the opposite parent. No, I'm just saying that like, I don't know. What's one thing that's annoying? It feels annoying to be, uh, there for the same thing, the same event, and then have you like. Oh, this X, Y, Z. What? Quiet about this later. Yeah. What do you, that was a stage question. What annoys me about you? Oh, I'm ready for this. I feel like you're always good cop. I spend all day with him and I'm disciplining him, and then I'll like be like, okay, no, we're standing firm on this. We're not doing this. And you're just like, oh, oh, that's my bubba laughing. Yeah, that's my bubba. And it's like, no, I need you to give him your drop. Drop the hammer. Yeah, because he hears it from me all the time. He doesn't hear from you a lot, so he responds better when you do it, but instead you're just like, oh, come near my little baby. And I'm like, no, you two can go off then by yourselves and deal with it. That would be mine. That's fair. What's something that people. That you think people misunderstand about us? Like our relationship? I can think of something right off the bat. What's that? I do a lot of stuff without you. Yeah. And I think people probably look at that as like, Ooh, maybe there been problems. They must not, I could see how people would be like, oh, she's always somewhere without him. Like, or Her and River are always on a trip without him, or whatever it may be. But in reality, you just work a lot and you're out of place. Well, you're out a place in your job where you're trying to like prove yourself for the, like the long term career part of your job. Mm-hmm. Like you're trying to make a name for yourself within this company. You're trying to work your way up the ladder, so. It's not just like a regular old, just, I don't really care about this job. Yeah, let's take this time off. Let's take this time off. We got a mortgage to pay and we got that. Yeah, we have responsibilities, but when you can't go, I am like, well, I'm not gonna just sit at home because I'm kind of a, yeah. I'm like, okay, well then River and I are gonna go do this or we're gonna do that. And I don't. I'm not like, whoa, no, but I think, why aren't you just sitting at home doing nothing? I think people could misunderstand that and think that maybe they're struggling, maybe like, oh, they just don't like to do anything together, or he doesn't wanna go with them, or, yeah, maybe when she goes and does that, he gets mad or, yeah. No, you got a lot of stuff coming up this week. I think that not even this week, this, this whole like two months. I'm Country Thunder on Thursday. And there's something else by myself. Not all, but, but no, it's a thing that my parents have taken us girls and it's like they're friends. We've never brought our spouses. We've never brought our kids. Chase came one night because he wanted see Jelly Roll, jelly Roll. Um, but like we don't us sisters and my parents and then their friends. Like it's always been I think like since my senior year. So we're doing that and River is gonna be with my mother-in-law and then when he's not working with him, so that's something I do every year in May. We have my nephew, oh my God, my nephew's 21st birthday in Vegas. That's crazy. Big diamond. Oh yeah, that's, that's the other thing. I think that's coming up. That's nuts. 21. So yeah. I think I met him when he was 11 then. 'cause we've been together for like maybe Oh, 11 years now. You've been together 11 years. It's pretty wild. Yeah. So that's crazy. And then it's the summer, so we'll spend a lot of weekends at the river house when we can. Mm-hmm. Um, yeah. Fun stuff. But that pool too, right here. I think River, we have a, like a cool pool in our community. He tried to go to it today. It was freezing. It's right next to the park. Whoever invented the pool right next to the park didn't have kids because they would foresee a kid going to the park, a toddler and being like, especially one that gets fixated on things like ours being like, what can we go to the pool? Can we go to the pool? I get in the water. The worst thing is yesterday we fly home, we go on this long trip, he wants to go to the park. And I'm like, fine, let's freaking go to the park. I'm driving, driving, I'm riding this bike. Tyler put new tires on the speed trip and I'm like, fuck man. Like my legs are burning. Like this is a workout. We get there, he wants us to go on the sled, you know, we gotta go with him. If there's no other kids, if there's kids, we're in, we're cool, we get to chill. No kids. Then he's like, I gotta go poop. And we're like, oh my God, that was funny. We don't have the pool key to go to the bathroom. And our house is like three blocks over. And I got my scooter though. Tyler has a motor race scooter, everyone, um, but river's like farting and holding his butt. And I'm like, oh no. Like we're, we're cut. So, yeah. Takes him home and then he gets home and river rode. It was two guys on one scooter. Two guys on Scooter. This is the start of a bad movie. He gets home and tell Tyler he doesn't have to go poop anymore. Yeah, you're kidding, right? I was. I was like, we're gonna go fast, we're gonna go fast. And I was like rushing to get home. Toddlers, man. I don't know. They're crazy. They're like little drunk humans. But I wanna end on a good note. What's like your favorite thing about being a dad? Watching River Get bigger and smarter and just, yeah. He changes almost every day. Like you guys just went on that, you know, you just went to California and he came back and he kind of seems a little more, Hmm. I think that's the best part of, it's also like the worst part too, because like you want him to just be like a baby and not have any teeth and Yeah. Go back. Putting him in his biby. Yeah. And I think that's just gonna continue for probably like, yeah, 15 more years or something like that. Probably. Probably his whole life. I mean, isn't it crazy to think that one at one point in your life, like you didn't want kids and now you have this little human that, yeah, I would say you love more than anybody in the entire world. I'd say that's probably like the most drastic change of opinion I've ever had. 'cause it's like when I was like, oh, I don't want any kids. Yeah. That was, you know, just, I didn't put any thought into it. It was just like, but yeah, once you see them for the first time, like, and then they get older and they start calling you daddy and like. And then they start messing around with you and you hear them laughing and you tickle them and just melts you. Yeah. Honestly. Yeah. I dunno. It's like, how could I not do this? Yeah. Honestly, this is the greatest part of my life, honestly. It is. You guys and this family, and you guys make it all worth it. Aw. Maybe we won't have that fight later. Your exaggerations. Exaggerations. I'm dramatic. I mean, what do you, yeah, maybe I've always been dramatic, but man, that was fun. That was, I miss Jeff, so I definitely do. But you were a great co-host. Thank you. It was fun. Did you enjoy it? Yeah, I just felt like we were. Chicha. Mm-hmm. Little therapy. Yeah, a little bit. I feel better. I feel better. You feel lighter? Yeah. I got that off my chest. Ready to take it on. But yeah, we have so much fun stuff coming up. Um, Jess and I will be back next week for our regularly regular, I can't talk regular scheduled program. And we have fun guests lined up and we're going into the summer, so we have some fun things planned. We wanna record an episode, um, at the river house. We want to, um, start going into, you know, mom owned businesses and continue that after Colby bridle. That was awesome. So we also wanna go to like a fun resort here in the valley and like have a staycation, her and I, and kind of document the whole thing. So if you have any recommendations, DMA. But we're super excited to get back to the grind, and we love you all and we will see you next week. Bye.