Oversharing with Dyllan About Motherhood, Foster Care & Finding Yourself Again

This week we’re sitting down with my longtime friend, Dyllan, and wow… what a journey she’s had. From modeling for my boutique years ago to becoming a mom of four, fostering and eventually adopting one of her children, she’s experienced the kind of highs and lows that truly change a person.

We talk about the reality of prenatal depression, the guilt that can come with motherhood, finding yourself again after having kids, and why prioritizing your health isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. Dyllan also shares what it’s like juggling family life, and how fitness became so much more than just working out.

This episode is honest, encouraging, emotional, and full of laughs—the perfect reminder that every mom’s journey looks different, and there’s so much strength in sharing the hard parts.

Grab your margarita and join us for another unfiltered conversation on Mom’s & Margs: Uncensored. 🍹💕

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

I'm Cork. I'm Dylan. And this is Mom's and Marg's Uncensored. I have the wonderful Dylan with me today. We already had the little chaotic start because why wouldn't we, right? Why wouldn't we? Why wouldn't we? I had her grab me some letter cookies for my child from Trader Joe's in true, like, hey, come over and record with me and also get my kids some cookies.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

Well, I was already going to Trader Joe's because my bearded dragon likes the arugula from there.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

I'm your bearded dragon. Yes. I also love arugula.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

It is so good.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

It is. Do you guys ever put it on um Caprici? Yes. Oh. Any bread. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 0:43

It's so so good. So and my best friend's coming in town today. So I have to go get her favorite flowers. I'm excited for you. I'm so excited. It's been a year since I've seen her.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

So doesn't it feel like nostalgic too when you have a friend come stay with you for a week and all your kids are like playing together?

SPEAKER_00 1:02

No. Like I know for the next eight days that they're here, it's gonna feel like I'm just like floating through the week.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

Like and then when she leaves, you're gonna be depressed. Uh obviously. Like I go through a week of depression. I went to my sister's for a week. And then, but like before that, I was at the river house, then went to her house for a week, then went back to the river house. So we were still together. And then afterwards, we both were like, okay. Yes. I'm gonna just cry myself.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

Even though, like, I I still have to work this week. Andy still has to work this week, but it's like it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Like time's just like fake work this day. It's fake work.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

It is fake work. Yeah. But that will be so fun. So I'm guessing, okay, we're gonna do highs and lows, and I'm guessing that's your high. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

That's totally my high. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:47

Absolutely. That's valid. What's your low? Oh. It's always hard to think of lows. I'm like trying to think like what week was it? Oh, wait. Happened this week. That's what I was like trying to think of.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

I forgot to start with our drink. I made.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

I made a little bartender.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

Bartender.

SPEAKER_01 2:05

Um I made mimosas, but I did like frozen strawberries and fresh squeezed orange juice and shampoo.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

It's delicious.

SPEAKER_01 2:15

I love these. These are like the summer little like brunch, you know. Just the vibe. The vibe. Well, that's what we're drinking. Okay. Now she can continue with her low. I was buying you time. Thank you. It's not a bad thing that you can't think of a low quick.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

I feel like maybe I had a really good week. I feel like my kids were vibing this week. That's always good. Okay. I do have a low. Okay, let's hear it. We've been trying to potty train my daughter for like I don't even know, six months. She just doesn't want to do it. She doesn't care. She's like, She does not care. And that's a low because I'm getting annoyed. Yeah. I also am down to like my last two pull-ups. And I for sure thought that was gonna be like the last. Yeah. She was like, buying my last box. She's gonna find out. And now I'm like, oh, I'm actually gonna have to stop on the way home and get a new club.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

Yeah. I don't know. I got lucky with River.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

That's the one thing I got lucky with. I feel like the boys were so easy. So I kind of like was like expecting myself up for her. I'm like, this is gonna be even easier.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

Like, but I think girls are so easy that something they do has to be hard, right? Like compared to boys, they are like a lot easier. So she's like, okay, I'm gonna switch this up.

SPEAKER_00 3:40

That's probably my low, is dealing with that. Because we try like the three-day, like, don't leave your house. Also, don't want to not leave my house for three days.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

And then she's still freaking still, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

She just doesn't care. So anyway, we're gonna take a pause.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

Yeah, maybe you just need a break.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

And our friends are here, and I'm not gonna worry about it. And try again.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

Maybe the less pressure she has, then she'll feel like it's something she could do. I don't know. River just kind of like, I didn't even try. I just he just started asking me to go on the toilet.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

And I'm like, okay, I'm four kids deep at this point. Like, I should definitely know how to potty train them.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

Yeah. God's like, okay, look at here. You don't know how to do this. Yes. What about you? What are yours? Hi. My high was um coming off the trip with my sister, and then we are all headed to the river house for 4th of July. It's like the thing. There's gonna be a thousand of us. Okay. I literally had to rent a like motorhome for the front yard for my nephew. I love that. He's 21, but he's bringing seven friends. Good for him. And I'm like, okay, listen. We have one room that has bunk beds, but and it's like queen size, and then but I'm like, okay, we we got like so many people coming, and then I'm bringing my best friend and her husband. Okay. And then, you know, my sisters, my brother, all of our kids, and then the friends that everyone brings, but it's fun. We go on the pontoon boat, we go to our favorite um like little beach called Jungle Beach, and you just fun. We pack food and you just drink and float and yeah. And then we have a taco truck afterwards. We have this like taco truck in Blythe that we use every time. So we just come home and he's set up and then we just That's so great. So that is my high because I'm gonna be with all my people. My low, okay. It's gonna sound super petty, but my low would probably be that it's probably my last big hurrah. Okay. Because I'm starting medication after that. This is a good last hurrah. And I've been on a good hurrah because we've been going to the river house a lot. And when you're out there, yeah, yeah, you just drink and hang out. I know it sounds bad. Sometimes, but it's like, okay, I gotta put the big girl panties on and like buck up and you know, like not as much coffee and you can't drink and all that thing. So but it's for the best. I know it sounds petty, but it's like a little bit of a low because I'm like, ugh, we're here. It's just like lifestyle, yeah. Little I gotta change my routine. But like, yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

So yeah, like I'll break.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

That would be my my low, but that's not a bad low.

SPEAKER_00 6:28

No, so not a bad low. We're blessed. It's a it's a good low with a good ending. Exactly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

Hopefully. Cross your fingers, everyone. Everyone. But um, so I want to give kind of a rundown because I was thinking, I'm like, okay, Dylan, yeah, you probably don't know that when you were modeling for my boutique and I got to love on little Jack Jack, he was a baby. And like, yeah, it was the highlight of my day. I would be, I would just like hold him and like they'd be being for like photographed in the outfits and stuff. And it was like the peak of my infertility. So, like those little moments that I got with him were like, okay, I could have this one day. I could have this one day. So it's kind of full circle, like now.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

And you're about to have it again.

SPEAKER_01 7:14

Yeah. And you're four kids deep.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

So we've we've come a long way. We have come a long way. We're like adults now. Yeah. Well, if they saw us early days, they kind of.

SPEAKER_00 7:25

Yeah. We're kind of a good one. I do still call my mom multiple hundred times a week for like adult things that I should probably know. Thank you for answering, Julie, all the time.

SPEAKER_01 7:37

And if she doesn't answer, don't you freak out?

SPEAKER_00 7:39

If my mom doesn't answer, I call my sister and I'm like, where's mom? If my mom doesn't answer, if my mom calls me, yeah, and I miss her call and I call her right back. It could be like literally 30 seconds later and she doesn't answer. I'm like, I have killed her off in my mind. Yeah. She is somewhere in happy danger.

SPEAKER_01 7:58

It's bad.

SPEAKER_00 7:59

Oh, I'm it gets really dark up there really fast.

SPEAKER_01 8:02

I call my sisters and my brother.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

And I'm like, most of the time. That's good. And I do make her share her location with me.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

My mom will not share her location with me, and because she's a stubborn old bat and she's listening, I know. And if she doesn't answer, I literally call my sister and I'm like, where's mom? Yeah. And then I'm like ready to drive to her house. I don't live so close anymore. But and then she'll call and be like, What? And I'm like, excuse me with that attitude. Yeah. It's totally like how I used to be back in the day. Now I'm like her mom.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 8:37

It's a reversed. Yes. But gotta love that we have our families and love our parents the way that we do because that is like unmatched. Some people are like, oh, I talk to my mom like a couple times a month. I'm like, what? A couple times an hour.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

Like, how are you surviving? We actually, Andy and I were gonna stay in Texas. Yeah. When he got out of the army. We love it there. Yeah. Like just we were like, we want to I want to be like off grid. Yeah. You know, whatever. Do the thing out there. And then once we had Anderson, we were like, we want our moms. Mm-hmm. It's so hard. Get us back to the five mile radius we grew up in.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

I don't know. Like, I always tell Tyler, I'm like, I know that we're meant to live, like, try to live somewhere other than Phoenix because we both have only lived here. And I want Acreage, I want green, I want the whole part. But I'm like, I'm not gonna leave. Yeah, I can't. And then his brother and his parents, and his brother's paralyzed. So there's a whole like we are trying to be it would be so hard. But we're lucky. We're lucky that we're close that way. So that leads me into my question. Did you always know you wanted a big family? Were you always a kid person? Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:55

Always a kid person. Babysat from like a really young age, I feel like. My cousins are a lot older than me because of the age gap of my mom and her siblings. So when I was a baby, my cousins were like graduating high school. Yeah. And they used to take me to like their football games. And then like, you know, just on their hip as a one-year-old. It's me. And then they started having kids. Then I was that babysitter for a lot of them. And now I have like two sets of cousins that like just we're all just so close, and we all live around here and whatever. So that's the best. I always they have a lot of kids. That was my yeah, they all had a lot of kids. And so I did always want that. A couple. At least. Okay, well, you got times two, a couple. Um, but then we also always wanted to do foster care because my sisters are adopted through foster care. And so that was something that was just always on my mind. And I'm like, okay, like whoever I end up with. Like, yeah. Well, that was my better be on their mind.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

That was my next question is how did you like, you know, we answered it. But how did you get into the foster care like the conversation?

SPEAKER_00 11:03

I think. Yeah. My sisters were like, oh my gosh, let me. I don't even know. They were probably eight and ten, maybe, or ten and twelve when Andy and I got married. Okay. So they were kids. Yeah. You know. And so I think he always just knew like that was like kind of a no-brainer. Whenever we settled, that's what we were gonna do.

SPEAKER_01 11:26

He's a good man. He knew a good man.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

Yeah. Um, and so yeah, we had Anderson in Texas. We moved back home when he was two, and then we started the process, which is lengthy. Yeah. It's like, I want to say six months, and every weekend it was like an in-person training. Yeah. So you do that, you have to get your house, it's called like a home study. So they come in and they make sure, you know, your guns are locked up, your medication is locked up. Which is good. You know, up to date on everything. If you have other kids in the house, they have to be, you know, medically good and all of that, up to date to their standard. And um, yeah, it's a pretty lengthy process. And then you get your everybody has to have their own bed. So they come and check rooms, beds, whatever you're licensed for. They make sure that's, you know, matches what they need for qualification purposes. And then yeah, you go on a list, basically.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

And then you just get a call one day, and they're like, hey, this is the so what was the first call that you ever got?

SPEAKER_00 12:33

The first call I ever got. So this is actually crazy. It was before we were fully licensed. Yeah. It was like a few days before. So it was coming and it was a little boy, and it was like in our age cuteria, and we didn't have our license yet. But Taylor had her license. Okay. Shout out, Taylor and Devin. Um, so they allowed Taylor and Devin to take him for a few days until our license like went through. Yeah. So anyway, he lived with them for a few days and then moved in with us. Yeah. So that was, yeah, he was around the same age as Anderson at the time, like four.

SPEAKER_01 13:13

And then we had a couple other Do you ever wonder about any of the kids that you had? Like, okay, well, what are they doing? Or like try and find them on social media.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

Like, okay, we're because I'm like, the couple boys that we had are now 12.

SPEAKER_01 13:25

Which is insane to think about.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

So I'm like, okay, they're like teenagers. Yeah. And like, which is insane. I wonder if they remember, you know? I know. And then we do we did a lot of respite. Do you not respite? Yeah. So like if foster families go out of town and they need, you know, whatever. So I do still follow one of those moms on Instagram, and I can see her daughter. So that was like, she was like a newborn when we did respite for them. So that was super fun. But yeah, there's like a couple unknowns, and I'm just like, oh my gosh, like I wonder, yeah, I wonder if they're okay.

SPEAKER_01 14:00

I wonder what they're doing, thriving.

SPEAKER_00 14:02

Are they happy? Yes, exactly. So yeah, it was just something that was always it was kind of a non-negotiable for me. I wasn't sure where it was gonna take us. Yeah, because it's just so unpredictable. Um, but foster care in general was a non-negotiable for me.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

Yeah. Which is awesome because it takes special people to do it. Because I think about I've thought about doing foster care with my infertility and stuff. I I just feel like I'll get way too attached. And when they come and they're like, oh, we have to take the kid, I'm like, well, I'm off to Mexico with little Johnny. I can't do it.

SPEAKER_00 14:39

But I just always tell myself, like, they deserve somebody being that attached to them. Yeah. Like they everybody. That's a good way to look at it. And so it's like at the end of the day, like reunification is always the end goal. Yeah. Like you want those kids back with their parents if it's a safe environment. Like, yeah. So if you can't get to that in your mind, like if that's not something that you can get to, I would say it's probably like not the greatest thing. Yeah. I think that's where I was at, where I was like, Which is fine.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

Constantly like, I want to do this, but I just feel like I'm not gonna be able to do the right thing when it comes down to it. And I know that sounds bad. No, no, but I'm like, I just get so attached that I'd be like, oh no. Like, and I wouldn't be able to think with the right part.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

It's I think about like, are we ever gonna do this again? Yeah. And like immediately my mind goes to no. But it's just so taxing. Yeah. And so, I mean, you're dealing with parental visits, case managers are coming to your if you know a biological parent isn't doing what they're supposed to be doing, you're dealing with the emotions of the child who thinks they're gonna see their mom today, and then it doesn't happen. And it's just so much emotional.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

Well, and then anger comes with that I'd be angry. Like, why aren't you doing the right thing? Especially as a mom or as a parent, as a mom or a dad. Yes, you know, in your mind, like if you're a good mom or dad, you're gonna do everything that you're supposed to do for your child to have the best life. And when you're seeing this child, this innocent child, and the parents aren't, it's like hard not to be like so hard. What's your cry?

SPEAKER_00 16:25

It's so hard. And it's also like you know that a lot of their parents' circumstances are like addiction or homelessness, or they had a bad childhood growing up. Or so it's like you're just trying to take on all of these different things for everybody else. And at the end of the day, it's like the only person that matters is the child. Unfortunately, within, I don't know about other states, but I know Arizona, all of the social workers are just severely overworked and even severely underpaid. So it's like they can't even do their job to their best capacity because they have so many kids on their case. Which is just a sad circle around.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

Yeah. Because it's like it's there's so many components that go into it for things to end up the right way. Yes. And it's like it has to work together. Yeah. And it's like when one little piece of that chain is out, it's like, okay, yeah, everything's. And then the kid doesn't know. No, I don't understand. Like these young kids don't understand like mom struggling with it.

SPEAKER_00 17:29

It's hard for them to understand. Yeah. Like it's just, yeah, everything, and you know, you're trying to explain to them in an age-appropriate way. Like, okay. And yeah, so I don't know. Will we ever do it again? Maybe I could see us doing like rest. Yeah. Or I don't know. I've always said when we're older and our kids are older, yeah. I would love to do um like teens that are in the system that are expecting and help them, you know, stay with their well, because I imagine that those are harder for placement. Because technically it's eventually two placements.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

Well, and people, you know, typically I would think like, oh, a baby or a top. Like, yeah, that's easier. But like the need is probably more for. Yeah, it's definitely for kids over four, I would say. Yeah. Is the biggest need. Like four to honestly eight. And they're probably the ones that are gonna struggle the most. Like, imagine being 10. And then like you're being placed somewhere and you're like, I don't understand. Like, why is my why what's happening? And then you're angry and like, yeah, I don't know, I couldn't imagine. So, okay, so you get the call for Jack.

SPEAKER_00 18:44

Yeah. What was that like? Um we were off the placement list at the time. Oh. We're taking a break just due to personal reasons. Life, life, um, emotional reasons. Yeah. We were just like, let's take, you know, a few months off. Let's regroup. And when we're ready, we will let our caseworker know, like, hey, we can go back on the active list. Um how old was Anderson at the time? Four and a half. Okay. Yeah. He was still little. And we were like in our early mid-20s. Okay. Um, yeah, so he was little. So you guys were babies one night. Red Robin.

SPEAKER_01 19:31

Red Robin. Yum. Where I worked for I freaking love Red Robin. I don't know, the first half of my adult life. Shout out to Red Robin. They have a gluten-free bun and it's really good. It is really good. Like one of the only places I've celiacs. It is really good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:45

They also have, I don't know if they still do, but they had cauliflower pizza crust.

SPEAKER_01 19:49

Oh, it's so good. The Donatos. Yes. Oh, okay. Okay. Red Robin. I know.

SPEAKER_00 19:55

Um, I should work there. So I was at work and my phone was ringing. Yeah. So I go out back, answer it, and it's someone from the placement center. You're like, what the hell? And I'm like, um, hello. Whatever. Hello? So they immediately just start spilling because they don't have time, right? To be like messing around. Yeah. How are you? They basically just get straight to the facts. So they give you the facts, right? And you have about four seconds to decide if that's gonna work out for you or not. So I was like, oh my gosh, I'm at work. And we are not even supposed to be on this list. Like, how did you get my number? So I'm like, okay, let me call my husband. Yeah. And I'll call you right back. Yeah. So we hang up and I'm like standing out back at Red Robin. And I'm like, smelling like French rice. Smelling like just absolute yeah, fryer oil. And I'm like, I don't want to call Andy because I wanted to say yes so bad. Yeah, you were like, no, you're just gonna. So I just called them back and I said, It's like, okay. That's a normal wife thing. Well, we all do it. I work, I close. Yeah, I'm not gonna be able to get there till like 11 o'clock. But yes, this is gonna work out. And so they're like perfect. We just don't want him sleeping here because he's so small and there's so many big germs here. And so I'm like, okay, they're like someone in the office has been holding him the whole time because they don't want to put him down anywhere. So I'm like dying a thousand deaths. I'm like, I want to hold him. Literally agreed to go. Yeah, you're like, oh my God, I'm going to get these tiny little newborns. Without telling anybody. I did not tell a soul. I just went back in and probably got table 52 more ranch. Like I would be flexible that. Here you go. And so I'm like, oh my gosh, I don't even know what to do right now with myself. So I go back outside and I call my neighbor, Katie, at the time. She lived next door to me. And I'm like, hey, I need you to go in my house.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

Oh my God.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

In my spare room, there's an infinite car seat. Yeah. Like, I grab it. Can you please bring it to me at work? So she's like, yeah. She doesn't even ask anything. Yeah. She's like, I got you. She knows how I roll. She's like, yeah, whatever. Everything else. So she brings it to me at work. I throw it in my car. And yeah, I asked a friend to ride with me down there. And well, yeah, you need moral support. You're going to pick up this tiny little baby. Absolutely panicking. And yeah, we went down there and they handed him right over. And it's just this little little tiny nugget. Yeah. And I drove all the way home with him. And so when did Andy get home? Like. It was like two in the morning. He got home from work. Did he just show up or had you like text him and like text him at all?

SPEAKER_01 22:40

Oh my God. He just walks in. It's like he just walked in and he is like, What are you doing?

SPEAKER_00 22:47

Like his baby did you steal? And I'm like, you know, this is I got a call at work. I like give him the whole spiel, whatever. They're like instant best friends. You know Andy. Oh yeah. He's a teddy bear. Everybody is like, my husband would lose it. Or like, I can't believe you made that decision without your husband. And I'm like, my answer is always, if it was his phone number instead of mine, he would have said the same thing. Yeah. Like I know for a fact. Because you know your husband. Like, come on. Absolutely. Like it was fine. So anyway, yeah, then literally the next morning I had to go back to work, Saturday double. You already know. Oh my God. And Andy's like, oh my gosh, I've never made a bottle before because oh my God. Anderson didn't drink bottles after. Yeah. And so he's at Katie's shout out, Katie. Literally saved our lives. Like for weeks in the infant trenches with yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

Like a built-in nanny right next door. So she's like, I got it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:45

She helps it in make the bottles the next day and then a week off. And so yeah, that's how. Oh my god. That's the story of Jack.

SPEAKER_01 23:55

Were you instantly like attached to him? Yes. Like when you like, like usual. Yeah, you hold him and you're just like, okay. Meet with anybody's kits. I'm not going, I'm not giving you back. You stayed with me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:07

So yeah, that's the story of. And how did Anderson react? I mean, he was only four and a half.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

Yeah, so he's little.

SPEAKER_00 24:16

Yeah, so he had several placements. And yeah, he knew the drill. Yeah. So it was fun. We had a great time.

SPEAKER_01 24:23

So you have a great relationship with the biological family, with Jack's biological family. Yes. So that's like a super cool thing because I feel like a lot of people in like the foster world, like that's not something that's like common. Yeah. Maybe I'm just not pretty to it, but it seems like it's not like it was more common. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:48

I never want him to feel like he can't talk about where he came from. Yeah. And I don't ever want him to think he can't talk about his parents. Like I just, I want to talk about my parents. Yeah. So why wouldn't he want to feel guilty for like, oh, I can't. So um we got connected with them pretty quickly after he was born. And, you know, it's like just complete strangers you're trying to mesh your life with. And so Andy and I were just like, let's try hard. Like, let's let's make this work for him because who knows what's gonna happen in the future, type of thing. And so yeah, we've been super blessed. We see them often. Yeah. Um, they're great. That's awesome. They trust Andy and I, which is like a huge, I don't want to say relief. I don't think that's the right word, but I just feel like they know that we have him. Like he's good.

SPEAKER_01 25:46

Well, and it's an honor just to know that, like, yes, an honor. Like you, you trust me. Because at the end of the day, that's biological. Yeah. But like you are his parents. Yeah. But to get that like nod of like, yeah, we know that like he's where he's supposed to be, like, how does that not feel like it's a good thing? It feels great. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:06

It feels great. So obviously it's come with I don't even want to say issues. There hasn't even ever been issues, just differences in opinions or whatever. Like general anybody would have with any child. Yeah. Um, but overall, it's just been such a phenomenal experience. Yeah. And it's been really good for my other kids to get to see that like play out in real time. And just, you know, there's so much love to give to everybody.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

Well, in such a diverse situation, too, just for them to be able to experience like those situations that aren't like the common. Totally. Just to see it all play out, like they learn like, okay, different things happen and you, you know, you adjust and you adapt. And like anybody less of a family or all one big family. I feel like that's such a great lesson for them to learn at a young age.

SPEAKER_00 26:58

Yes. And at an impressionable age. Yeah, too. I think it's just, yeah, it's really, it's been really cool. So the biggest thing, yeah, I would say is just I never want him to think that his situation is a secret. Yeah. I love when other people tell him, like, oh my gosh, me too. Like, and then he, you see his eyes just like light up. Like he just thinks it's so cool. Like sometimes he'll be like, oh yeah. And like my aunts are adopted too.

SPEAKER_01 27:30

Oh, and like they they just have their little that's like their little it's a special bond because like it's only something that they've been through. It's only something that they understand at the end of the day. Yeah. So like for him to have that within your sisters is also like totally totally uncommon. Totally cool. Yeah. Super cool. Like, I know it's great. The fact that that, like, I mean, how does I know? I don't like to get gaudy on here, but how did God not work in this? Like, just please.

SPEAKER_00 27:58

I mean, there's no like I just saw the way like my parents dealt with my sister's situation, and I'm like, they made it look so I was young, so I know they were going through it. Yeah. But I was like 13, 14. So I'm sure they weren't sharing everything with me. But I just saw them always carry themselves in such like a positive way about the entire big picture. You had a really good blueprint to go. Yeah. I can do this and I will do this, and I want to do this. Yeah. So that's yeah, that's that. We are done. Now she's saying we did call our license.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

I'm doing, you know, the fingers because I don't know. You feel like you got one more in you. Maybe. You're a fiver.

unknown 28:43

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 28:44

Okay, but okay, so you that's with Jack. But then after that, two more kids. Two more kids. Was that in the cards?

SPEAKER_00 28:53

Was that a plan? Necessarily. Okay. Um oddly enough, after we had Anderson, we had really bad secondary infertility. I could not get pregnant for I mean, him and Luca are six years apart. So with Anderson, did you have any issues at all getting pregnant with him? Or it just no, it was the opposite. That was like a oopsie. That was like a runoff and get married, and then you live by yourself, and then oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 29:18

And you're like, oops. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 29:20

Yeah, like what did we do? We made another human. Yes. So that was that.

SPEAKER_01 29:30

Um okay, so then you had so secondary infertility, which is fucking difficult.

SPEAKER_00 29:35

It was difficult, but we were so busy with foster care. Yeah that like we weren't even going. I was never getting tested for anything. Yeah. Andy just didn't get tested. We were like, whatever happens, happens at that point. We had had the two boys. I was like, life is great. Yeah. Like this is, we have the best of both worlds. We have a great relationship over here. Things are moving in. If it happens, it does. If it doesn't, it does. Yes. So then I did find out I was pregnant in January of 2020.

SPEAKER_01 30:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 30:08

And then we ended up having a miscarriage, like right at the start of COVID. So that was like rough. Super weird. Yeah. And then I was obviously devastated. Yeah. But I was also like, oh my gosh, I can still get married. Yeah. Okay. I can. But it still works. Like, you know, my body is kind of like because I've been there.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

You're kind of, it's this is gonna sound so bad to anybody that has an experience, but you're like a little bit excited because you're like, oh, it can still happen. That's exactly how I felt.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

You're devastated, but you're like, that was the first time that I was like, wait, maybe I do want another. Yeah. Like it sparked up. And then I was like, oh, it's yeah, my life is gravy. Like we truly were so happy. Yeah. You're like, I that I had put it completely out of my mind. Yeah. Yeah. So that happened. So then we, you know, went through those emotions. And then I was like, oh my gosh, I do want another baby. Whatever. Oh no. So yeah, we were like, we'll just continue to see what happens. Yeah. And then came Luca. Yeah. He's so cute. He's yeah. He seems like he's all boy. Like he's all boy. He's I read one of your prompt messages that you sent me, of which kid is the most like you. That's what I was gonna ask you. He's an Aries. I'm an Aries working. Her birthdays are two days apart. And I need to ask my parents if I was like an emotional child. Yeah. I'm not an emotional adult. No. I couldn't get a tear out of this eye.

SPEAKER_01 31:45

No, I'm not really.

SPEAKER_00 31:46

I try. It's pretty bad. Yeah. Um, Luca is very emotional. But I'm like, maybe I was a super emotional stuff. I need to ask my parents, but he's the most like me. He's a total spitfire. He is so stubborn. Oh. If he wants something, he will get it. Yeah, there is no hands or buts.

SPEAKER_01 32:06

Freaking boy in him. Like if you don't have boys, there's some kind of persistence in boys. I do agree with that.

SPEAKER_00 32:11

Except my oldest is not like that. Really? He's like the clone of Andy. Okay. So he's just chill and like, yeah. Just goes with the flow no matter what we are doing. He is kind. He is never mean. He doesn't have a bad thing to say about anybody. Like that is Andy's twin. That is my nephew Nevin.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

And it gives me hope. I'm like, okay, so the crazy, because I remember Nevin when he was little and he was a little wild. I was only 12 at the time. Totally. And he kind of was the first baby since me. So I was kind of like, you know, annoyed with him all the time. Jealous. But now we even, everyone knows he's the favorite. Every everybody's favorite because he is and he's 21 now. Yes. Okay. Okay. But he is just one of those people that there's no way that you're around him and you don't like him. No, yes. He gets along with everybody. And he's so chill. You could be like, the house is on fire. And he's like, okay, we'll get the fire department out here and we'll get it all taken care of. And I'm like, evacuation. Me, I'm like, let's roll. Oh my God. You know, freaking out. But I'm like, some kids and and then turn into adults are just cut from different costs. And I needed that for my first kid.

SPEAKER_00 33:31

Yeah. I was young. Yeah. We didn't live here. We had no help. You're like, okay, be chill. I needed that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:36

I joke about this next embryo. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, hey, saw this embryo out like a little longer or something. Like, I just want a really tired, really lazy little baby. Like nothing. River is freaking colicky up every two hours. He's always challenging me. I'm like, I love you to death. But my next one, I feel like I deserve like a little sleepy. Yes. Yes no. Yes, no.

SPEAKER_00 33:59

Yeah, like just like a little. Yeah, so I got that first, which it was so wonderful. Yeah. So wonderful. Especially when you're young. And then I got Johnny Knoxville and Johnny.

SPEAKER_01 34:10

Back to back. Yeah. Okay. And you're like, oh no, what is this? Yeah. That was my first. Whew. And there's nothing crazier. I'm tired. Oh, I was I was trying to tell my sister. My sister and my niece the other day on the phone, and I know they're listening, were giving me shit because they're like, what time do you go to bed? And I'm like, uh, I like to be in bed at like eight. And then I like turn on Chicago PD and then I fall asleep 30 minutes later or whatever. And I'm like, unless I'm like at the river house or something, then a little later. But like I literally have to take a nap to watch a show. Yeah, she was talking shit. And I'm like, dude, River just was at your house for a week and you were in bed so early. Yes, because we're clear. Come on. No, I know. I'm in bed so early. I had to tell my best friend that comes. She has no kids, right? She's coming to the river house. Her and her husband, I love her to death, Kelly. She's listening. But she can party all day, all night. And it's like she never seems drunk either. Like she's the most, she's like a happy pill. She's another one of those that just is always smiling, laughing. It doesn't matter. Someone could slap her and she's like, okay, like just, I swear to God, we love her to death. But I told her, girlfriend, River's gonna be with me at the river. And I drink on the boat, and then when I come back and I shower and I eat and stuff, I can't keep going like you. You got the eight college kids in the trailer outside. Go for it. Go for it, do your thing. But I can't. And she's like, no, I know. But I'm like, I have to preface with that because I'm like, I can't go the way that I used to. I wish I could, but no, I'll be barfing in the bathroom and then.

SPEAKER_00 35:43

I also feel like I get up so early. Yes. Because it makes fun of me for that bitch. To do. Yeah. Like I cannot feeling out of bed at eight o'clock.

SPEAKER_01 35:53

Oh my god. That's practically lunch. My sister didn't answer. I call her every morning. She didn't answer the other day. And I'm like, is this bitch sleeping in? She calls and she's like, I slept in until like nine. And I'm like, oh never heard of her. I'm like, what? Like, no. I have like an internal clock. If I'm not awake by 6 a.m., I'm like, I also just feel like at that point your day is getting wasted. Sorry. I want to sit on the couch. I want to drink my coffee. I want to scroll before people start calling into work or doing whatever they're gonna do. Yeah. So no, I can't. So yeah, you bitches that sleep until 9 a.m., like, good for you, I guess. Can't relate. But you also, like I tell my sister, you're old. You're old. You have a 21-year-old child. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever it is. Or you don't have kids. Yes. Kelly, I love you. I love it. She's always like, oh, next week I'm going to Thailand. And I'm like, randomly fucking pull a Thailand trip out of your ass. Probably. I I envy her.

SPEAKER_00 36:51

Probably.

SPEAKER_01 36:52

She does a lot of cool shit. That's really cool. I'm like, good for you, dude. You don't have kids. I got a kid. Yeah. I'm fighting with my kid because I tore the banana the wrong way. So you go enjoy Thailand, swim with the elephants, and I'll just fucking fight for my life back at home. Yes. Like, thank you so much. Yes. But no, fan freaking the kids are rough. Yeah, the kids are rough. What are your kid ages? 12. Okay. Almost eight, five, three. 12, 8, 5, 3.

SPEAKER_00 37:20

I feel like that's like the perfect spread. It's pretty nice.

SPEAKER_01 37:23

Because then the 12-year-old can help. You know, it's a lot of dice. They get to play with each other. And then they're probably fighting. Yeah. There's a there's a common River has nieces that are like, they're all like six months apart from each other. And they're all having so much fun. And then all of a sudden they're not having fun anymore. Well, and he's a boy. So then he's freaking WWEing one of them, and she's crying, and then it's like a whole thing. But I'm like, you guys don't understand how lucky you are to like be able to be together and like be so close in age and have like these time. We're on the boat, and I'm like, they don't even know what life they're living.

SPEAKER_00 38:02

We're just going to think about that. Every day when I take the kids to the gym, yeah, like they are like, they've turned into just the bougiest little kids. And I love it for them. Like I, you know, I have to be like, no, we don't have popsicle and freaking protein smoothie money today.

SPEAKER_01 38:19

Yeah. No.

SPEAKER_00 38:21

I love this life for you guys. For you.

SPEAKER_01 38:24

I know. I joke all the time. I'm like, I do spoil River. I do. Because I love seeing him happy. But one thing that everyone that knows me and has been around me and has seen my parenting, I will whip that ass. If you don't say please and thank you, you better freaking catch yourself.

SPEAKER_00 38:41

You better be addressing adults accordingly.

SPEAKER_01 38:45

Oh yeah. People say that if River does something like if he's in his crazy mode and he like throws something he's not supposed to, they say he immediately finds you in a room. And I'm like, as he should, because he knows. So yes, I spoil him, but there's a there's a line. You're gonna you gotta be adult. It's millennial parenting. Oh yeah. Okay, we're parenting different. It's the next level. But yeah, you're getting uh you were good at school today. Here's a freaking cake pop. And then later let's go get Chick-fil-A and then let's hide it in the trash and tell Tyler doesn't like process food for River. Every time a little Chick-fil-a every once in a while. Chick-fil-A's okay. He he hates McDonald's. Okay. But then you know what? Sometimes Tyler will be off his healthy kick and he's like, two double cheeseburgers, and I'm like, bitch, you said it was unhealthy. But every time River will go home and be like, Daddy, I had McDonald's, and I'm like, You're like, I'm gonna get in trouble. But it's always like, like I'm gonna get in trouble, first of all. But you like to, you know, like, hey, this is our little secret. And then they go home and hey, mommy did this. Mommy hit a curve. Because there are no secrets. Bro, mommy hit a curve. That is mommy over at Beardy Dragon. I did it.

SPEAKER_00 39:57

No, you didn't. Don't tell me that.

SPEAKER_01 39:59

I did at my mom's house. I called my mom out. I made her go down the street, and I'm like, tell me it's not a bearded dragon. It's just a regular gecko. Bearded dragon. Now we go to our park. That was probably someone's pet. I know. We go to our park, and you need to bring your kids over, anyways, because we have the best pool splash pad. Over here? Yeah. We have the zipline swing. Say less. Um, but there's a statue of a of a fucking bearded dragon every single time we go. This is the one that my mommy ran over. Yeah. And I'm like, like I'm trying to meet new moms that I don't want to meet. But he's like, oh, my mommy ran over a bearded dragon just like this. And I'm like, Tell a fucker don't know what he's talking about. He doesn't know what he's talking about. Like, stop it, stop it. We used to have bearded dragons growing up. We used to have iguanas. Um I'm a reptile girl. Yeah. So I love that. The guys across the street, they are their partners. They we freaking love them. They're awesome. So we've grown up with them, and they had this whole, they would rescue all these, like they had a sanctuary. Oh my gosh. Their whole backyard was cages, different stuff. Inside there, they still live there, but they don't have. I don't know if they have God, I wonder if that was one of theirs. I don't know. But we used to go coming over. We'd run over there, we'd knock on the door, oh, we want to play with reptiles. And then they'd be like, Oh, do you guys want, you know, these two or whatever? And we come home and we'd just be like, hey, we need to go get crickets or this or that. Yes. My parents all the time. So we had tons of reptiles growing up.

SPEAKER_00 41:32

So my bearded, I love him. Anderson was asking for one for like a year. They're the best. We're like, no, no, no, no. Yeah. And he's not like a super reptile guy. Yeah. He also doesn't really tell me no. So, like, yeah, so you're fine. So I had had like a few glasses of wine one night. And I was outstart, scrolling on Facebook. Someone's re-homing their bearded dragon. And I'm like, so cute. Yeah, why not? Can I come pick him up? Yeah. Tomorrow? Right now? Perfect. She's like, yeah, we just don't have time to handle him, like, whatever. So I'm like, no worries. Got a lot of kids that, you know, whatever. So go pick the up the bearded dragon, bring the bearded dragon home. And he's like, you've got to be kidding me. But since I have already brought home a baby, yeah, I mean the bearded dragon's like dragon is nothing. Dog, nothing. Come on. It does, it's fine.

SPEAKER_01 42:24

It's totally fine. You already set the standard so high that now you're good for life. Whatever you bring home. I think so too. Smart. Yeah. Smart woman. Take notes. Yeah. She's on to something here. I think I need to go get a baby.

unknown 42:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:38

And then I'll be good. Yeah. It's fine. My niece had a bearded dragon smelly. He just died like a year or two ago. They do live a really long time. But he played dead all the time, right? Yes. They do. So and they turn very white. And you're like, they're so my mom, like three or four, and it always was when my mom was staying there, like babysitting. And she's like, This fucking lizard dies every time that I'm here. She's like, I'm so sorry, you know, Smelly's dead. And my my niece is crying, crying, crying. Then she comes out of her room. She's like, Smelly's alive, you know, and this happened over and over and over. So the last time that he actually died, she's like, no, he's just playing dead. And like four weeks later, just Chris died. I'm like, no, like he's like dead, dead, dead. Like legit dead. But she loved him.

SPEAKER_00 43:21

Oh my God. She was so I love our bearded dragon, Joco is his name. I I hold him every single time.

SPEAKER_01 43:28

Well, and they're so chill, too. Like. And we also, my sister Natalie, she used to work at Petco. Okay. So she came over with everything. We had little water frogs. We had little turtles.

SPEAKER_00 43:42

My parents also never they let me get like what I had pets growing up. I was also an only child until eighth grade. So you had whatever. I had whatever. I had birds, hermit crabs, guinea pigs, dogs. I want to get rid of her. Yeah, you should. Okay, well, everyone's outpats mart right now.

SPEAKER_01 43:57

Trevor had snakes, and he'd go. Into his room, like all of us would be having a sleepover. We had a rec room, like this big room where all of us would hang. And he'd be like, Oh shit, I can't find um Max. And we're like, everybody's up on ledges, like, and we know that they're harmless, but for some reason, it's like I can just find them. It's the fear. If you can see it, it's fine. My brother was like a car collector, like those little, and all of a sudden you would be looking in a room and you'd make eye contact with the snake. And I can still like, and I know he's friendly, I held him for sure. But that fear of just like spotting one randomly, or like my hamsters got out once. Oh, we had hamsters too. Chewed up all the bottoms of my brother's shirts only. And my brother hated me. You know, we were always, you know, he's choking me out, he's WWE. So I thought that that was the best thing. That is the best thing.

SPEAKER_00 44:49

I'm like, you chose to go in his room and chew up all the shirts. One time I didn't fuck my hermit crab thing. And they got out into my guinea pig. Oh shit. And the guinea pigs didn't do anything to that. I was gonna say, that do they get along? That was lucky.

SPEAKER_01 45:06

Well, in San Diego, we got River a my mom got River a hermit crab shell. Okay, just the shell. I don't know why they just sell the shells. Yeah, that's weird. What was her? Now that I think about that, I don't know. He just picked something on just like oh, yeah. Go ahead. But I then that sparked my whole like, I used to love having them. Same. Because they're so low maintenance.

SPEAKER_00 45:28

Okay, but also because they were at the stands in Arrowhead Mall. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 45:34

Exactly. And it was just like it felt like you needed something from those stands. So I think I'm gonna, I don't know. Maybe I'll go. We were just talking about like, I'm not paying to take River to the aquarium. It was Poppy's post. Just take him to Petco instead. Absolutely. Tyler's like, let's take him to Petco too. Poppy just saved us hundreds of dollars. But now I'm probably gonna come home with I don't know, does Petco have hermit crabs?

SPEAKER_00 45:58

Yeah, they do.

SPEAKER_01 45:58

Do they?

SPEAKER_00 45:59

We go a lot because we we get crickets. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:02

I'm gonna come home with a thing. I would love to come home with a hamster. But I don't think Tyler's gonna like that. And I don't know. Smell. My cat would probably eat it. Yeah. Right?

unknown 46:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:13

I don't know. Okay. Anyway. Okay. We're gonna touch on I wanna know how okay, you have this big beautiful family, but how did you and Andy meet? What was the time frame from meaning to marriage? What was the whole sitch, the whole rundown?

SPEAKER_00 46:30

I met Andy, I think I was like Anderson's age, 12 or 13, maybe. Okay. He was a baby, really good friends with my cousin. Yeah. They played baseball together. We just met in passing. Yeah. Obviously. I don't even think I had a were cell phones a thing. No, I don't think you had a pager. Maybe. So I would just see him here and there for like a couple years. Yeah. Just you know, wherever.

SPEAKER_01 46:52

An acquaintance.

SPEAKER_00 46:53

Yeah. And then in high school, we became like better friends. Yeah. He didn't go to O'Connor. I was just gonna ask, did he go to O'Connor? No, he went to Peoria. He was still playing baseball with my cousin. Okay. And we both had we were both in like pretty serious relationships through high school. Yeah. And so we were like, you know, just friends, whatever. And then we both were single at the same time. Yeah. Then we were like hanging out. But like, you know, he's so nice. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:28

So you're like, you want a nice guy? No, you're like, oh. When you're like 17, 18, they need to be mean, they need to be a player.

SPEAKER_00 47:34

Why? Why? Just a requirement, I guess, for stupid. Anyways, yeah, that was pretty much the vibe. So he would like come pick me up. We'd go to the movies and we'd make out. And then he'd drop me off. And then he'd be like, that was the cool thing back then. Like, yeah, that went on for way longer than it should have because I was catching feelings, but I was like, he's so nice. I'm gonna play cool friends. Yeah. We're best friends. Yeah. We're just um and then yeah, we he's a couple years older. So he graduated. He was like working somewhere at Westgate for a while. Then I graduated. Still working at Red Robin. Red Robin. Um they should sponsor us. They should sponsor us. Next time we do this, we need to sponsor us a cauliflower Donato's pizza. Oh my god. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 48:25

Mad love burger gluten with like a big, huge tub of their ranch. Yes. Their ranch is so good. And honey poppy seed. Oh my god. Okay, I have a I have a thing. What? I'm sorry, I have to cut you off. They discontinued the um spicy ketchup, sweet and spicy ketchup. Oh. I loved that. Dang it.

SPEAKER_00 48:45

So we have a beef. Bring it back. Yeah. Um, but continued. Yeah. So we were just hanging out. Yeah. And a lot. My parents were like, just tell us you're dating. I'm like, we're literally not dating. We're friends. We're friends. And then I was like, at this point, like, oh my God, shit. I need to do something because I really like him. Yeah. You can't let him loose. And like, what if he literally meets somebody else? Yeah, I got it. And then he really likes her. Yeah. Whatever. So we, gosh, it was like summer of 2012. Okay. He just showed up one day. We were going to hang out. And he's like, I joined the army. I'm leaving in August. You're like, what the fuck? And I was like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. Yeah. Like, what's happening here? Why me? Are you literally kidding me? And he's like, I'm just not. He's like, I need to do something with my life. Like, I've been bouncing at this bar for a couple of years, but you know, that's he wanted more for himself, which I loved. But also, I'm like, are you literally kidding me? Yeah, yeah. You're leaving. At this point, we were spending like so much time together. Yeah. And you're invested. That was it. He was like, Yeah, I already signed everything. Like, it's not, yeah. It's not a talk. It's not this is what I'm doing. I'm just telling you basically that I am really the honest. So I'm like freaking out. Yeah. Obviously. Yeah. So then we're basically like, oh, we better get married. Yeah. Let him go. Yeah. What? And so yeah, we literally were like taking a walk around his neighborhood at the time. And basically, yeah, we had just been doing our stupid friend thing for a too long. Yeah. And he was like, Yeah, I love you. I've loved you for so many years. And shit, blah, blah, blah. I felt the same way. I just again was so, you know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:44

Well, and you're like, I don't know. At that age, you're like waiting for the guy to like, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:49

I was 20 years old. Yeah. So you were a baby. You just don't, yeah. So anyway, then I was like, well, no, like, actually, are we gonna get married?

SPEAKER_01 51:00

Yeah, like are we really doing it?

SPEAKER_00 51:01

What in the hell? Yeah. So then we had to like, well, he went and talked to my dad. Okay, that's good. Okay. Yeah. Of course. Rob is the goat. Yes. He's like, yeah, okay. Yeah, go ahead, take her. Yeah. A, taker, and B. Yeah, we know you guys are in love. Yeah. Idiots. Audios. You're the only ones that didn't know. Yeah. Basically. And so yeah, we ended up literally getting married. Oh my gosh. Four months later. That's crazy. He left. He did leave in August, did boot camp. Yeah. Came home for Christmas. Yeah. We had already been planning like a huge wedding for April of the following year, 2013. But then he he was a medic in the army. And so you go to school for that in San Antonio. Yeah. But then you, you know, you can literally go anywhere. And so basically they were, I don't know who's they, but they were telling him like, if you want your significant other to go with you, you should probably marry them before your papers get drawn up. Because if you get like Korea or something, you know, that's a whole different ballgame than getting Texas. And so anyway, he had wrote that in a letter. He sent it to me. You're like, okay. Cause that's how we were communicating at the time. So I was like, oh shit. Like, yeah, we should probably do it then, like when you come home. Yeah. And so we called our pastor, who has known me like since I was a kid. Yeah. And I'm like, listen, I'm like, you're gonna get a kick out of this. Yeah. But listen to this one, bud. Not only am I marrying Andy, I need to marry him when he's home for Christmas. So we're on us. Yes. Yeah. And so we literally got married in my parents' living room, like in front of the Christmas tree the day after Christmas. And we just told me. Because we had already been planning like our big wedding. I don't give a shit. Yeah. I'm like I did not care. But at the time, when you're 20, I'm like, nobody can know we're married. We need to not tell anybody. Because we have this huge wedding. Yeah. Blah blah blah blah blah. And it was a great wedding. Yeah. He has a huge family. I have a huge family. We were moving after. So I wanted to have that.

SPEAKER_01 53:10

Like everyone there.

SPEAKER_00 53:11

But it's also just so special. We it was literally my cousin was there, which is how I met Andy and two of my best friends. And we were in my parents' living room.

SPEAKER_01 53:20

Something you'll never forget.

SPEAKER_00 53:22

Yeah. So that's that. It was pretty quick. And now you have four kids. Yeah. And he's just still my best friend. Like he's like meant to be. Yeah. The definition of marrying your best friend. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:35

Which I just go. Yes. Like, I I I tell a lot of people, a lot of friends are, you know, like, if you're not best friends with the person that you're married to, like, you are going to have problems. Like you're gonna have beef. Or the friends that I talk to that are having problems with their spouse or whatever, I'm like, it's because you guys aren't friends. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:56

You don't even like each other on a level and sometimes me and Andy are not vibing.

SPEAKER_01 54:00

No, that's the thing that people need to understand. Just because you have a good marriage. Yeah. But Tyler drives me up a wall sometimes. I'm like, you're annoying.

SPEAKER_00 54:09

We can quickly get back. Yes. To Well, oh my gosh, we're being so silly right now. Like, that's so dumb. We need to have better communication.

SPEAKER_01 54:18

Tyler and I talk about that all the time. Our arguments in the grand scheme of things are just petty misunderstandings, miscommunications, or just overstimulations that we take out on each other. Generally, that's usually what it is. I'm overstimulated. I'm starting my period and I'm just like I need a minute.

SPEAKER_00 54:35

When I'm touched all day and talked to all day. You're just then he gets home and he wants to talk all day. Sometimes I'm like, I need five minutes by myself. I literally stopped when I went to Trader Joe's. My dad works right there. Yeah. So like I have to run in and see dad really quick. So I hope in and he's like, Are you by yourself? Like, are you okay? I am listening to whatever music I want in the car with no requests right now. I'm done. It's a freeing feeling.

SPEAKER_01 55:02

Just the feeling of not being needed, not being wanted, not being in touch. Yes. Yes. I will come home and smack my ass.

SPEAKER_00 55:08

I'm like, I know. I'm like literally sucked.

SPEAKER_01 55:11

Which we're lucky.

SPEAKER_00 55:12

I also want him to do that. If he wasn't doing that, I would be But you have to do it at the right time. Keep smacking my ass. I'm like, River just came up and pants me. Yeah. And now you're smacking my ass. Yes. I'm done. I also just think, too, at the end of the day, like, you have to be with somebody that just calms your nervous system down. Like, I can't imagine being overstimulated all day by all the things. The kids. Yeah. My job. My I go to the gym. If I don't go to the gym, I'm a little more psycho. I don't know. Yeah. I could not imagine like laying my head next to somebody that did not calm my nervous system that night.

SPEAKER_01 55:50

No, I'm the same way. Tyler is like, everyone says it. He's the opposite of you. Yes. It's very um, he's just go with the flow. Nothing is a big deal. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And sometimes that drives me crazy. Yeah. Because I'm in my man. It does drive me crazy. And he's just like, oh, it's chill.

SPEAKER_02 56:07

Everything's chill.

SPEAKER_01 56:09

But could you imagine if you were with somebody on your level of like that like got overstimulated like you with you? Oh my God. No. We'd kill each other.

SPEAKER_00 56:18

I couldn't imagine. This would be dateline right now. I couldn't imagine raising kids with another version of me. No. Like it has to be toxic. It'd be toxic. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 56:28

But no, so it is. It's hard. It's so hard to deal with the kids or just all the things in life. And I am so proud of you because you have started taking care of yourself. Yeah, fine. And like turn to turn to something that has helped you mentally, physically, emotionally, like all the things. So I want to end on a good note and I want to hear about all that. Yeah. I want to hear about how you started getting into fitness and like going to the gym.

SPEAKER_00 56:59

We unexpectedly got pregnant with my daughter. Yeah. After we were adamantly done drawing our family. And I went really dark after that. I don't think a lot of people talk about like prenatal depression. No, they really don't. Like, if you find out you're pregnant, you better be happy. Yeah. And you better be excited. Because there's people that can't. Yeah. And I think I was so like, oh my gosh, I can't tell anybody. Yeah. Because there are people that have been trying to have a baby and wanting to have a baby. And like, if I if I say these words out loud, like I am depressed because I'm pregnant. I'm gonna be shunned. Yeah. Yes. And this is gonna sound so funny, but do you watch Mormon Wives? Yes. Okay. When Jen started talking about like how she was depressed and she literally took like a filming break, that was the first time I had like openly heard somebody on TV be like, Yeah, say it out loud feeling. Yeah. And like I had told obviously Andy, and but yeah, that is how I felt. So it was pretty dark. I just think too, I was already not in a good place at the time. Yeah. We had just moved and we were going through a lot of like really personal things. And again, we were had decided like we were just done. Yeah, we're done. This isn't happening. So happy. My hands were full, things were good. And yeah, it was very, and I'm a very um good cycle tracker. Yeah. Like you know, basically to the hour. Yeah. Like temperature taking, all of that. Like I'm great because I don't like birth control.

SPEAKER_01 58:40

I hate it.

SPEAKER_00 58:40

And so I also was like, where did I go wrong?

SPEAKER_01 58:44

Yeah, what happened? What did I get from this?

SPEAKER_00 58:46

Yeah, I slipped up. It was definitely like a night out with our friends.

SPEAKER_01 58:50

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:50

That's that's how it normally happens for normal people. It was so crazy after it took us so long to get pregnant after we got our first. So it was one time you let loose. Yes, I wasn't. Yeah. That night we weren't careful, but like all the other times we were because I was tracking everything because we were done. And then I have in the back of my mind, like, oh, it took me so long to get pregnant. This is never gonna happen. Yeah. Whatever. So, anyway, it was pretty bad. Yeah. We had a friend living with us at the time, your neighbor, my nanny. And she literally saved my life. Like, I'm like, she probably still doesn't know how much she did for me. Yeah. Without even asking. Yeah. Like, I did not want to get out of bed. I was so sick on top of it. It was hard for me to just like exist.

SPEAKER_01 59:36

Yeah, do anything.

SPEAKER_00 59:37

And I mean, she had my kids dressed in the morning. She was helping me with laundry. She was, yeah, I was still working. So I was doing this, doing that. And I just think, like, again, you have to surround yourself with good people because you never know when you're not gonna be good. And when you have people around you that can notice that.

SPEAKER_01 59:56

The ones that don't need to be asked to be good. Exactly. Like they just know and they can, they just step up and do it.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:02

I was so sick too. I could not change Luca's diapers. They were, it was so bad. I was also still breastfeeding him. Oh my god. My body was just depleted. I was depressed. It just was not a good situation. And so basically, we got through it. Yeah. And as moms do. After I had her, I was like, okay, when I'm done breastfeeding her, I'm going to be better for myself. Like my mental health has never been like the top tier. Yeah. I don't think I'm like a naturally happy person. Like every day I'm just gonna be able to do it. Mentally stable myself. Like, we're gonna have a good day today. Like it sounds so dumb, but no, that's it is what it is. So I had her and she was in the NICU, so that like really messed me up more. Yeah. And then when she came home, I was just like, okay, it's time to like get my shit together. I am, you know, in my 30s. I'm not gonna live forever, but I need to be able to like play with my kids and be in a good for them set. Yeah. And if they want to go race me down the block, like I need to be able to do that. Yeah. And I just was so like a shell of a human for so long, I feel like, that I really was like, okay, you need to get it together. Yeah. And it's the only option. There was not another option. So Andy had been going to the gym his whole life. Yeah. And he's like, I really think that you'd feel better. I really think you would. Yeah. And he's like, I don't. I'm not saying that because I think you need to like lose weight or anything. He's like, I just think mentally, like you will feel better. He's like, you don't take, he's like, you don't like being on medication. You don't like doing this. You don't like doing that. You need to now explore other avenues. If you're not gonna go get on something, basically, was like his nice way of saying that. And so I did start going to the gym. Yeah. And it was okay. And then one of my friends that does my eyebrows was like, you need to come to take a class with me. She's like, just take a class. Like, it's really fun. Try it out. You don't ever have to come back. And so I did that. And I'm like, oh my gosh, like they're actually inside of the, I was so afraid of like inside of the four walls of the gym. Yeah. It was like paralyzing to even go in for the first time. And I think, like, for what? Yeah. Like nobody is looking at you. Nobody gives a shit what you're doing there because everybody there is trying to better themselves. And so I started taking classes, got more comfortable like last year. Yeah. There, just like being there. Yeah. And then I would say, like this year, January, I really was like, okay, yeah, I want to start lifting heavy.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:54

This is my thing. To be strong, I don't want to worry about my scale anymore. Like I'm over it. Yeah. I've spent my entire life like being a little bit overweight or like the bigger person. And I'm so done with it. Like I'm just not, I'm exhausted from thinking about it. Yeah. And so well, that mental load. Oh my God. It's so annoying and it's always there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:18

Well, and women generally, and I'm there's probably some men out there that deal with it, but just the scale in general, it holds so much over you. It's disgusting. It's disgusting. Just the way that, like, if I'm a pound heavier one day. Why? I'll all of a sudden know why. Yeah. And then I'll all of a sudden look at myself and I see myself 10 pounds heavier. Yes. But if I didn't get on that scale, I probably that day would have been like, ooh, I feel good. But it's just the way that it runs your brain and your mind. And then you're like, what did I eat yesterday? What did I know? Maybe it was a sodium. Maybe it was a sugar. And it's just like living or what?

SPEAKER_00 1:03:53

That is exhausting. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:54

It's mentally taxi.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:56

Yeah. So I, yeah, started taking these other classes. Yeah. Still, same gym. And the community there, I'm just like, what have I been missing my entire life? Like it is just a group of the same men and women trying to better themselves for their kids or for their parents or for their coworkers or for their partners. And it's like my favorite classes on Friday mornings. We're just loud as shit. We're hyped up. The playlist is always good. Yeah. The coach is just gassing us up. She's not ever making us feel like we shouldn't be there or we don't know what we're doing. Yeah. And I'm like, this is the community that everybody needs, but especially moms, because our bodies go through so much.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:44

Well, and just the no judgment and just you all having the same goal is just to better yourself and you're not focused on like, oh, look at her trying to do that or this or that. Like, because I think a lot of gyms hold that stigma. I agree. Um, I know when I switch gyms, I initially go in and I have this kind of wall-up. Yes. Where I just automatically think that people are.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:05

Everyone thinks I'm fat.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:06

Yeah. So literally, I'm like everyone is staring at me, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:09

Everyone thinks I don't know what I'm doing. They think this. And so you know, I don't know what I'm doing. So I'm like, shit, because no. Now I'm like, they're staring at me. I should have worn a bigger shirt. Maybe I shouldn't be short.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:20

And then it's like, but really, when you find the right community in the right place in the place that you belong, it's the opposite of let me help you figure that out. Let me, you know, like, let's go. You're doing it.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:30

Let's go. And I swear when I switched my mindset of like not letting the scale hold any power over me. I want to be strong. Like next week when I go, I better be adding at least 2.5. Yes. You're competing with yourself. Because now I'm competing with myself. I want to be able to kick a grown man through drywall. Like I want to be so strong.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:54

Girl, I do two.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:55

I have four kids. Yeah. I gotta be able to carry them out of my house if it's on fire.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:59

And three of

SPEAKER_00 1:06:00

Those are boys. So yeah, you're Anderson can help me. Yeah, I can throw one over. Yeah. But I mean, it's a thing. It's a thing. It's a thing. And now every day, there obviously yesterday I was like, I am freaking morbidly obese. But today I'm like, I feel great. We always feel but when I started thinking about like wanting to be strong, I'm like, okay, my confidence has skyrocketed. Yeah. Because I am strong. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:26

Well, and it's always a work in progress. Always. You're not gonna just all of a sudden one day it clicks, and every single day after that, you're gonna wake up and feel good about yourself. You're a human being. Totally. It's never gonna be that way. We're not wired that way. And there's so many outside influences, whether it's social media or just the world in general, that you can say you're not influenced by things, but you are. Totally. So you see a post and you see someone that's freaking super muscular, this or that, and it seems so easy for them, and it's just all of a sudden how it is. Yeah. And now you're like, Yes, suck.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:56

And I have started following more women that look like me in the gym because I'm like, okay, yeah. They're doing the damn thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:07

Like they look so good. Well, and the algorithm has to. I know that Tyler talked about it one time on here where he went through my social media. I was like having really bad self-image issues. And he's like, it's what you're seeing, it's what you're looking at. Like that's these, it's fake. He went through and deleted a bunch of stuff and started following like powerful when it is in powering with it. It is. And I'm like, algorithm. Holy shit, like he's on to something here.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:33

But it's true. I think too, I love to follow other moms that are like on the go constantly because I feel like me and the kids, we try to do something fun every day. Like it's summer, it's Arizona. You have to survive. Yeah. Like they don't want to be cooped up in the house all day, neither do I. So I started. I follow what is her handle? I think it's Chan with the boys. She has four boys and she leaves her house every day. Oh. And I'm like, she is giving so many other moms confidence to leave their house with their kids because that can also be paralyzing. When you're learning how to leave your house with a newborn baby, like you're freaking out, right? Like that is terrifying.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:15

Or in the toddler trenches, and you're wondering what tansel is going to be thrown in.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:18

Now I don't even care. I don't care. Throw them all. I'll freaking grab River Else. We go to the summer movie on Tuesdays, and I've been taking my niece, and everyone's like, five kids. I'm like, literally, after like three, what's a few more? Like it doesn't even Plus, if you're a mom and I'm not that, I know I'm a good mom.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:37

Yeah. Whenever I see a kid throwing a tantrum, I'm not like, oh, what a shitty mom. I'm just like, no, good for her. She's still coming out and she's still empowering through.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:44

And you have to be confident in that, or you will be stuck in your house. And that is not good for you. No. There was a mom at Trader Joe's this morning. Her kid was just absolutely having a tantrum. She's caring out. Yeah. And they get outside and she's like, you can scream out here. That is fine. Yeah. If you want to scream out here because you're upset, go for it. Yeah. But you're not going to scream inside of the grocery store. And I was thinking, hey, I need to take notes because sometimes I want to scream inside of the grocery store. But that's the thing, right? But like I was like, she is so that was so good to hear. Like I'm just like, what a good thing to say to your kid. I'm writing that down.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:22

And now I try to help in those situations. Like I was at AJ's the other day, and the mom's pregnant. The toddler's just on one. Yeah. Then she gets her tea, she gives her daughter the ice water, and the daughter just drops it. Water everywhere. Yes. Right. And this place is packed. If you know the tea line at AJ's. And the mom just looks defeated. She just looks ready to just walk out and just call it a day. We're leaving. We're going. And I just went up and was like, hey, I have a three and a half year old. I get it. I'm helping her clean it up. Because everyone else kind of just stands around some. And I'm like, they literally just stare at you. So I'm helping her. And then I look at the little girl and I was like, hey, it's okay. Like, you know. Yeah. And I'm helping her take her outside. And this mom is just like, she's like, I'm about to cry. Like, thank you so much. And I'm like, And isn't it weird that like that's not normal? No. But like if we all did that with each other, it would be so much easier to do things. Yes. But that's the same thing with what you follow on social media. Yeah. Like And I think who you surround yourself with.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:18

Oh, 100%. If you're surrounding yourself with a bunch of people that hate themselves, you're gonna hate yourself.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:24

Yeah, because it's just gonna project onto you. And you just like, I don't know. You have to, if I'm following someone and I can I can think of somebody in my mind, she's an influencer, I won't say it, but she everything's always perfect in her videos. The kids are always being perfect, everything's perfect. And I'm just like, no, I want to see a little bit of the chaos. Yeah, I want to see a mom that's going out and about, and they're like, hey, some shit popped off, but we still went through it. Yeah, it's like it's gotta be real.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:54

We made it. Don't post unrealistic so many replies. One time I posted that Nixon peed all through her outfit, her car seat, everything when we had gotten to the gym, and all I had was this hand-me-down pair of pajama that someone had given me in the back. It was like a 5T. I put her in it, took her to the gym. I'm like, we're here, we're getting through it. It's not a big deal. Stop stopping. No, because it can't.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:18

No, it can't. But don't you think that those posts, because I've done the same thing, I'll post stuff about River, like, hey, I'm having a terrible day with him. It'll be him throwing a fit, and I'm like, well, we're still, you know, those get the most responses because people feel the most seen and they feel the most like.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:37

I felt myself for a long time. Like I'm only posting the highlight reels. Like I all did that. I only want people to know, like, yeah, you know, things are going great over here, right? And then I had my daughter. Actually, I feel like it was when I turned 30. I know it's like I turned 30 and I stopped giving a shit. It's true. What people thought about me, my family, everybody. Because the only people that matter is my family inside of my four walls of my house. Oh, 100%. And so I feel like that's when I was like, wait. Yeah. I'm gonna posting this shit. This outfit is hilarious. Yeah. It's chaos. My house is like an episode of jackass every single day. Every single day.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:20

The shit I used to not post because I felt like my face looked weird, or oh, I have a pimple, or oh, my body looks a little this or that, and now I do. It feels so freeing because I'm just like for you. And like Tyler said, what? From what? These random fucking people that follow you on the internet? No. Because he's like, I tell you you're beautiful and all this every single day. Your family thinks that of you. So technically that's your squad. So why do these random people on the internet hold so much over you? They don't matter and they shouldn't hold anything over you. Yes. I don't know. Yes. It just uh yeah. Man.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:58

Well, this has been fun. This has been super fun. I feel like we I was nervous. I've also never had a microphone before.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:06

Hello, hello. You're fine. But I feel like we touched on so much stuff, and I feel like we align so much as far as like we want to. See the real, see the honest, like no bullshit, and like this is just our lives, and this is how it is, and that's what we want to show. Yeah. And hopefully, the goal is always that somebody can hear something that we say and they can feel seen, heard, they can relate, whatever it may be.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:35

Um, and if you're afraid to go to the gym, girl, I need to get back in the gym.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:40

I I am one of those that I was an avid gym goer. Yeah, you were. And when I when I go to the gym, I get obsessed. I have that personality.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:52

I've probably had the same thing for breakfast for going on like five months. I'm psyched. Because when I get obsessed with something, yeah, that there is no ifs, ands, buts, nothing. That is what I'm doing. And mine right now is um cottage cheese on a slice of sourdough with honey and red pepper flakes. Add a little bit of avocado.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:15

No, I'm telling you, I everybody makes fun of me. The way that I eat, I'm very just high protein, low carb, no sugar. And so I have that side going for me, but I've been on a dry streak with the gym because I'd gone to Arrowhead Gym my whole life. Okay. Because my dad and I are best buds, and that's where he went. Yeah. I know it's an older, older community. It doesn't matter. But I had my little community there and I had my little thing or bodies, so who cares? And I just these old people I would work out with and they're like, let's go. You know, you know. Yes. You you experience it and you get in your- You're so good. And so now I s then I switched to mountainside. Okay. I fell out of place. Okay. I switched to, I called it EOS this whole time. It's one of those, I guess. Oh. Okay. Whatever. Um, didn't feel great there. I did just win on a giveaway 10 free bar classes at bar. Okay. Um, I've never really done a class. I'm always uh I like to depend it. Yeah. But I'm like, it's time because and Tyler's building a gym in the garage. Okay. But I am that person that I've always had the eating down, and when I go to the gym, I get obsessed and it becomes my personality. That's me right now. And so I know once I go. It's a good thing to be obsessed with. Yeah. No, it's not a bad thing. But I just know and Tyler's the same way. And we've both kind of been in a we're like, we just know once we break the ice and go back, we'll be back where we want to be because I'm the same way. I'm like, I don't have the muscle that I want to have anymore. I'm not, my kid's tackling me. And he's three and a half. But I'm just like, I need to, I want to be stronger. I thrive when I feel strong. Like I thrive when I'm lifting weights. I that's that's who I am. So you can fall off get back on. Yeah, I want to be sturdy. Yeah. That's like the goal. I want to have muscle. I don't want to be skinny anymore. I want to, I wanna be like, okay, she looks like she could fuck me up if she needed to. As you should. So right now, I can't. Come with me. I I want to try. Okay. Come with me. But I have that little scared. And this is me who used to be a gym goer, like, you are a gym rat. I know I'm like a gym goer. But now I'm like, I don't remember how to do something. I think it's muscle memory. I think once I get in there, but it's that intimidation, feeling like you're, and it's stopping me. And it's like, why am I letting that happen?

SPEAKER_00 1:16:36

It's silly. So it's silly, but it's so paralyzing when it's.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:40

I'm just gonna go with you one day and then watch. Yeah, you are. I'll be there every day because that's just who I am. So we're about to be gym buddies, guys. Yay! Uh we can for having me. Thank you for being on, and we love you. And I hope that um she's you're gonna be hearing more from her, but we love you.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:01

Yeah, I was really nervous.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:03

I don't know why she was nervous. We're come on, come on. But I will see you next week. Um, I've already said I kind of don't allude to like who's gonna be on until like a couple days later. I feel like people react better to it because it's kind of a surprise. But um, we do have more guests lined up, so stay tuned and I'll talk to you next week. Yeah.

unknown 1:17:24

Bye.