Oversharing with Taylor about the Plot Twists That Changed Everything

This week on Mom’s & Margs, we’re oversharing with Taylor about a life that definitely didn’t go according to plan. From getting married young and navigating divorce, to being told she may never have children, surviving a toxic relationship, becoming a single mom, and unexpectedly finding love just one month postpartum—her story is full of twists you won’t see coming.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I'm Court and I'm Taylor. And this is Moms and Marg's Uncensored. So I have another guest with me. We actually went to high school together, and I was just telling her that her mom was my favorite teacher ever. I hear that all the time about my mom and my dad, because my dad taught at Greenway. Oh, okay. Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. Miss Evans, if you guys went to um Sandra Day, she was the goat. I don't really know if I've met anybody that was like. I didn't like her? Yeah. Yeah, no, everyone loves her. Everyone. Um, the one person. I only had one encounter in all of high school. Really? Where someone was talking poorly about my mom. I was actually in Miss Grover's class. And um Danny Scrapoletti got in trouble for dipping in my mom's class. Oh. And he was like, Your mom is a bitch and I can't go to homecoming. And I said, Excuse me. Yeah, don't talk about my mom. I lost it, and Miss Grover took me into her office and was like, It's okay. It's all right. Everything's fine. He apologized because don't talk about my mom. Obviously, it was his fault. But yeah, your mom was a hard ass, but she was awesome. Like that was the cool thing about her. She was like so much fun. She was awesome. All right. Well, we're gonna start with our highs and lows. Well, we're drinking Black Rock Coffee.

unknown 1:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Um, what are they? The caramel blondies blended. Yum, they're really good. So that's what we're drinking. Um, highs and low. What's your high and your low for this week? Well, you just got back from vacation. I just got back from vacation. So I guess my high is of this week is probably coming home and sleeping in my own bed. Oh, it's always the best. My low is the amount of laundry. I did laundry twice or three times on our trip, but we still had so much and it was camping, so it was like stinky. Yeah, like dirty. Yeah. How long were you gone? I feel like you were gone a while. Two and a half weeks. Nice. We went from here to Pate or Horseshoe Bend. Ooh. Then we did Bryce's Canyon. Nice. Then we went to Idaho and we did Lava Hot Springs. That sounds cool. Mineral hot springs. Oh. So cool. That sounds super cool. So cool, actually. Yellowstone for a week. Tetons. And then we came home. We stopped one night in Probo just because it was for. Yeah. Then Zion and Grand Canyon. Damn. Yeah, we did it all. That's awesome. And with all the kids. Well, I feel like the kids like probably thrive in those environments because it's like more um exploring and like Yeah, everyone did a really great job. Um, Piper is not a hiker. She's like, Yeah, Carrie V, we're not doing this. Yeah, she's like, My legs hurt. Okay. It was fine. We did do an eight-mile hike with the kids, which is massive. Oh my gosh. Yeah. But you did it. So good. Yeah. I mean, Piper was on our shoulders most of the time. So it was like a weighted hike for you. Yeah. Yeah. Because I don't have a backpack for her anymore. We did have one, but she once they're big, like it's like little girl now. She's not a baby. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. Well, that's a good high and low, though. I mean, that's a good low to have. Ugh. It was. I still have comforters I have to wash. Oh, my high. Uh, we had like our family little birthday party for river last weekend, so that was fun. Fun. You got a water slide. So fun. Hung by the pool, popcorn machine. You know, just all the summer essentials. And he was freaking flying down that slide. We got it and it was like a lot bigger than I thought. And I was like, uh oh. I didn't want it to be too big because I was like, I don't want the kids to constantly need us to help them. Yes. So um, no, you know, these boys. He just went straight up there and was freaking flying and zooming down. And I'm like, all right, cool. Yep. So that was a high. Um, the low is he's gonna be four on Saturday, and that's kind of sad. You know, it's like obviously good, but I'm like, how is he already four? And then yeah, he's just like, you know, they start to grow up and you start to think, like, damn, well, like all those little things that they used to do, like they're not doing them anymore. They don't need me for this or this. Yeah, it's hard. But I do have to admit right now, my nine-year-old is my favorite. Oh, I bet. Because he's self-sufficient, and like does stuff for his sister. Oh, yeah. Who needs help. Like, you have like a little built-in babysitter. Yeah, yeah. Like, I'll be like, okay, Piper needs this, and he'll go do it. It's great. You're on to something when you when you planned that out. Me. My plans. Plans, yeah. So speaking of plans, so anytime someone comes on, I have them send me kind of their backstory so I can create an outline. And while I was like going through Taylor's, I was like, this is like such a good um, like a soap opera, like in the best way. Like I was so into it, and I was also thinking, like, holy shit, she's experienced so much.

SPEAKER_02 4:56

I know.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

In like not that long of a time. We're in our 30s, you know? So we are gonna dive in. It's a lot. We're gonna start. We're gonna start at the beginning with your first marriage. So yeah, how old were you? How did you meet? What's all the details on that? We met at Wet and Wild. Ooh, wet and wild, guys. She said wet, she didn't say Hurricane Harbor if for Phoenix people. Okay, it was back when it was wet and wild. Yeah. It was w wet and wild at the time. Um, so he was in security and I was a lifeguard supervisor, trainer. Um ironically, a lot of my guy friends, because I don't know if you remember, but in high school I was friends with mostly guys. Yeah. So like D McBee, my best friend. Yeah. Um, so one of our two of our really good my really good friends was like, I don't think you should date him. He kind of lies about weird things. And I was like, oh well. Who cares? I'm a good one. Yeah. So um I met him there. We dated all summer by my birthday in September. We were engaged. So I met him like March. Yeah. Maybe by September I was engaged. Wow. And I was young. Yeah. Like, how old were you at the time? Well, uh, we graduated high school in 2011 and I was 18. And I got married in 2000 or so we graduated in 11, I was 18. I married him in 13. Oh, okay. I was 20. Yeah. Yeah. I got in 19. I don't know. Around there. I was young. Young. You were young. Yeah. Um and then he got into the military. That was the downfall. So yeah, did you follow him or did you do long distance? Both. So he was training to be special special operations. So I couldn't really go with him. Yeah. Like when I could, I did, but he was gone for two years. Damn. Essentially, for that training. Yeah. So we were together in 2013. He didn't go into the military until like 14. So a year after we'd been married. Yeah. And then that first year he was gone. And I moved to New Mexico because it was kind of like a home base that he could come to. Um, so I saw him maybe like two or three weeks out of the year. Damn, wasn't a lot. And what was like the um the breaker of that marriage? He got a girlfriend. Oh, okay, that'll do it. Yeah, he got a girlfriend. Um, like over while he was in the service or like he came home. No, no, no, no. So, like while he was training, his home base was San Antonio. Oh, okay. My home base was New Mexico. Yeah. And then I moved home because my grandpa got sick. Um, and right around there, he came home for 4th of July. Yeah. And I got a like, he got a notification and he's like, hey, check that. I think it's my mom. And I was like, hey, baby, I miss you. Can't wait for you to come home. And you're like, oh, okay. Right. I didn't even address it until October. Oh my gosh. You know, because he left. Yeah. And so I just continued living my life and was like, whatever. Yeah. Um, and then he came home. I went to him in October and confronted him and was like, What's going on? Do you want to fix it? Do you not? Um, we tabled the conversation. He actually came home and we met at the Cheesecake Factory. I love the Cheesecake Factory. And we had our breakup conversation there. Oh no. In front of people. I mean, it wasn't like fighting or anything. It's like, look, I do you want to be married? Do you want to fix this? Do you want to work on it? And he's like, nope. And I was like, okay, me neither.

unknown 8:52

Cool.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

And you didn't know the girl, right? Because it was someone. No. She looks like me. Okay. So he has a type. And do okay, so like, side note, has he stayed with this girl? Mm-hmm. They got married. Oh. They moved back to Arizona. They we've had like passing. Oh. We actually walked anecdote. We walked into a model home in Buckeye. Me and my whole family, my three kids, my husband. I opened the door, and my oldest opened the door into him. And like he turned around and I was like, I grabbed my husband's arm and all three kids, and we booked it out of there. Like, adios. It was so uncomfortable. Oh my God. Yeah. So yeah, they're here, and that's crazy. Yeah, little. They're happy. I'm happy. It all worked out. Yeah. You know, it all it all comes full circle, right? Yes. So when we separated, one of the conditions was like, he's like, I think you need to like explore who you are, date, see if this is something you want. Yeah. So I hit up a guy from high school that I dated. And he actually hit hit up me. Okay. So he slid in your DMs. Yeah. Or back then was it My Space? It was actually well, that is so old though. That's too far. Too far. He um slid into my Twitter DMs, maybe. Oh, Twitter. Yeah. Okay. I want to say. All right. So now you're divorced and separated. You're separated. Okay. You separated. Now you're talking to this guy that you knew from high school. Did you ever date him prior to this? We dated in high school. Okay. Um, we like so he got in he got in trouble junior year, like going into junior year.

SPEAKER_00 10:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:45

Summer. He got in really big trouble and was grounded. And I was on a family trip. Okay. Like all summer long. My parents took me. So we started texting while I was on my trip. I came home. We started talking, um, started seeing each other, and then we officially dated for like two weeks and then broke up. Okay. So it wasn't like no, but there was a past. There was a small past there. Which is like a random. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So you guys started talking and you're separated at the time. And so how does this relationship go? What's what um how did it start? Was it good at the start or was it always rocky? It was good at the start. Okay. It I mean, we were just like fun. Yeah. Hanging out, drinking, yeah, going to Mellow Mushroom. I mean, we went to the Desert Ridge Mellow Mushroom because we didn't want to run into like all of high school. Yeah. Um, and we went to like a beer fest or two, hung out with his friends, like it was just very casual fun. Yeah. Um got pregnant. Okay. And at this time, did you know yet? Had you seen a doctor or whatever yet about the fact that they thought you couldn't get pregnant? Yes. So in my previous marriage, we had three miscarriages. Okay. So we tried. Yeah. I mean, we tried for two a year and a half or whatever. I was only married for three years. Yeah. Technically separated for one of those years, and he lived elsewhere for one of those years. So, really, the first year is when we tried, I got pregnant like right before he went to basic. Yeah. And ended up having a miscarriage. And then we had had two previous before that. Wow. So I was essentially told, like, probably not gonna happen. We can do testing, but like something's off. Yeah. Yeah. Because you can't carry. So I got on birth control just because I like maybe it would help different hormonal things. Well, and I didn't want to get pregnant while I was fucking around. Yeah. Yeah. I was just trying to have a good time. You're trying to be responsible. Yes. So I got on birth control, and then um we had had like a conversation, like, hey, I probably can't get pregnant. Just let me know. Yeah. We got pregnant. Oh my god. On the pill. And I took it religiously every day, 7 p.m. Did not miss a pill. Got pregnant. And how long were you guys together at this time before you like when you found out you're pregnant? A month, less than a month. And it wasn't like official. Like we weren't. Yeah. And how did he react? Uh not. I mean, it wasn't bad in the moment. Like he was like, okay, all right. Well, uh, let's figure it out. And but he was very like he didn't want to tell anyone. Yeah. Like keep it secreted. And I had told him like I had multiple miscarriages. So he definitely like wanted to wait until 12 weeks. I think. Yeah. Maybe he thought that it wasn't gonna pan out. Right. Yeah. Right, right. So So you get out of the first trimester and it's like, no, this is happening. Mm-hmm. So I moved in with him when he got an apartment, maybe February. Yeah. So we found out right after New Year's Eve, because I felt off on New Year's Eve. Yeah. Like we stayed in, didn't drink. Yeah. I think I went to bed at like nine. Yeah. And so I was like, hmm, something's off. I think I need to take a test. I had been pregnant before. So I you knew like the telltale signs. I took a test and it was negative because it was so early. Yeah. Two weeks later I took another test and I was pregnant. Yeah. So I knew and I went to him and we moved in in February, I think. And um it was not good. Yeah. I mean, I mean, was he still? Yeah. Well, and then was he just still out doing his own thing, kind of keeping you secretive, I guess. Yeah, I mean, so it got really rocky. Like he just I think he panicked. Yeah. Right? Yeah. And he like I think um he had people telling him like I was trapping him, or like he had just gotten like a decent job and whatever. Yeah. Mind you, I helped him graduate. Yeah. I made all his flashcards for his finals. Um, I didn't he was working at like Olive Garden, maybe, or had an internship. He was. It wasn't he wasn't like he had this big fancy job, but he did get a job. Yeah. And I was going through a separation, and maybe they thought that I wanted something. I don't know. But he wasn't hearing great things, right? From like his family and his friends. Um, and so like he is very close to his family and he would go out to like weekly dinners, and I just was never like included in that. Yeah. I was when we were like casually dating, but once I was pregnant, which is so weird because it's like this is like part of you. Like, yeah, but guys are so different. Yeah. Especially like with his family telling him I I mean, his family telling him like this was on purpose and I was manipulative. Like, you know, it's not easy. No, right because we do care a lot about what our family says and we hold weight on like what they say or what their you know their opinions. So that is a hard place to be in. Yes. So I'm not saying like what he did was right, but he was doing the best he could all the time. Right. Right. Um, so we go to Country Thunder. And how like pregnant are you at this point? Four months. Okay. Three and a half. Like I'm if I unzip my pants, there's a bump. Yeah. But if I zip up, there's no bump. Yeah. So I'm at Country Thunder. I didn't want to go, but I didn't trust him. I feel like he's not going alone. Right. Like one of the fights we got into pre-Country Thunder was like he went up to an ATM and I was switching the song in the car. Yeah. And he had like tender messages. Oh, okay. Yeah. So we go to Country Thunder. I mean, he had flipped it, like, you went through my phone. Yeah. Gas at you. I didn't. I mean, I was just trying to switch the song.

unknown 17:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:14

But, you know. And so I was like, you're not going to Country Thunder by yourself. Yeah. Like, no, not happening. Not happening. So I went. Um, I went to walk. You've been, right? Oh, yeah. Every year. Yeah, every year. Most, mostly every year. Yeah. So I walked from our campsite to my friend at the time's campsite, which was in a different area. Like I feel like they were in Crazy Coyote and we were like maybe in Starlight or something. Yeah. I mean, it was a decent walk, but I walked by myself. Yeah. And I was gone for like two hours, maybe, maybe three. Come back, and he's nowhere to be found. But there had been a girl at our campsite previously when I left. Yeah. And I called him like a hundred times. Yeah. Like, where are you? No response. Nothing. Oh no. I'm sobbing. I'm pregnant. Yeah. I think you're already emotional. Yeah, you're already emotional. I'm a disaster. And I'm like, this motherfucker, I've never been a country thunder. Yeah. Not my thing. Yeah. And I'm here, pregnant, alone, don't know where you are, can't find you, can't get in contact with you.

SPEAKER_02 18:23

Oh, hell no.

SPEAKER_01 18:25

And that was pretty much it. Like, I was like, no, I'm moving out. I'm yeah. And the country thunder that I went to, Eric Church was headlining Sunday night, and he is my favorite. Yeah. So we were going for me, essentially. And I left before the show. We left because I was like, get me the hell out of here. Yeah. Get my hung gone. And did he admit to cheating? Or did he just try to act like no, nothing happened? No, there was no conversation gaslight. Like, I was just having fun. I don't know what you're talking about. I just didn't hear my phone. But like, who disappears for five hours with a girl I don't know? Yeah. And his buddy was with us. Like his. Yeah. Well, and plus, you have your pregnant girlfriend with you. But so, like, go have fun, do whatever you're gonna do, but why are you not answering your phone and being like, hey, we're over here, come here. Like, and you disappeared for five hours. Yeah, no. Like, I know when you disappear in the campsites, I know enough to know if you're disappearing for that long, nothing good is happening. Right. Like it's not like people just walking around looking, like that's not what happened. Sightseeing. No. So when we got back, his buddy, his buddies were like, Oh, I had told their dad who lived with them at the time. Like, oh, I that the dad was like, Oh, I heard you just like cried all of Country Thunder, which is like not the vibe. And I was like, Oh, okay. Not what happened, but okay. Yeah, whatever. So I could tell the narrative he was telling people. Yeah. Right. Like making me out to be like emotional or unstable or yeah, whatever. Yeah. So yeah. That's it. I moved out. That was it. Um, at that conversation, I told him, like, you have until the day your kid is born, yeah, to like change your life, be a dad, and we can be a family. But if not, like, yeah, I'm never getting back together with you. Yeah. Yeah, I'm I'll be on my own. Yeah. And I'm a I'm a tough fucking cookie. I can do it myself. Yeah. Well, and you'd rather do it yourself than do it with someone who's gonna be fucking 10%. You know what I mean? Where you're constantly having to take care of a baby while trying to take care of another person and figure out what they're doing and where they're at, or right. So we were very toxic. I'm not gonna say it was just like him or just me. I think um when you're in a cycle, right? Um something that wouldn't normally be a problem, like, hey, I'm gonna go out to dinner with my family, yeah, wouldn't be an issue if you weren't insecure within yourself of like, why are you hiding me? Why am I not included? Why, you know? So then I would throw a fit. Yeah. I'd be like, what the hell? Yeah. And then he would then go tell his family or his friends, she doesn't want me to be out because and now they're thinking, Well, what is she? Yeah. But they're missing the part of the story where I'm feeling left out. I'm feeling, you know, insecure, or I don't trust you because you've lied in the past. Yeah, you know, and so they're only getting snippets. Yeah. There's different narratives going around. Their response is, well, she's crazy or she's controlling or she's, you know, there's parts missing the full thing. It's a domino effect of missing information. Right. And so then I would throw these fits. Yeah. Also pregnant, but I would throw these fits and be like, so I came off insane. I'm sure. Yeah. I'm the problem. Right. Right. And so that was difficult to navigate, right? Yeah. And so we're in this toxic, toxic cycle. And we were trying to date. Like we'd go on dates or we'd whatever. But you're also pregnant. So it's like, yeah. And I was having complications. Like the pregnancy wasn't ideal. Um, I had bleeding. I I I was stressed. I was single. I was calm. I was gonna say you were going through a lot, which probably weighed on your body. Yeah. And like, yeah, you know, yeah. So anytime I would be like, hey, I'm headed to the hospital, or hey, I'm bleeding, or whatever. He then would try and pretend like to be, you know, not to be appearance-wise, but like he was concerned about the kid. Yeah. Right. So then he would like be like, Oh, we're all good and we're wonderful, but you weren't. But we weren't. Yeah. It was just like band-aid. Yeah. It just wasn't real. It would, there was never love, there was never feelings, there was never whatever. We both wanted the best. Um, and like we did have a conversation about like, I was like, if this is too much for you, like I'm still legally married. Yeah. You could disappear, and everyone would think that this is my ex-husband's kid. Yeah. Like, you can sign his rights away, you can disappear. Nobody has to know that this is your kid. That got twisted into me saying, like, it could possibly be my ex-husband's, which is not, yeah. I mean, I hadn't slept with him in a year. Yeah. At that point. Like, it wasn't even close to a possibility, but you know, you hear what you want to hear. Yeah. And so yeah, we ultimately, um, the day that my son was born, he went on a guy's trip. Oh, that's a perfect time to go on a guy's trip. To Seattle. Mind you, I had a c-section. Yeah. So I can't do anything. Yeah, I had a C-section too. So I know that you gotta have if I didn't have all my people around, it's like impossible to try and Yeah. So my mom took a week off of work and helped me the first week. Yeah. And then she was like, See ya. Yeah. I gotta go. Gotta go. So he was gone for like I think three or four days. Yeah. Like, had my son at 3 p.m. By 7 p.m., he was on a flight. And I was like, okay. And like, how was he acting?

SPEAKER_02 24:22

Was he like, oh my god, should I turn around? Should I uh no, no? Okay. Mm-mm.

SPEAKER_01 24:29

Because that's not like a normal thing to want to turn around and see what your son be born. Well, I mean, he did. He got he was in the room and he held him, and I think he was maybe the first person to really hold him. Is that from like when they lay him next to you? Um and then But then he left. He left. How? How did you just leave your like it's different? It's like I mean, it took my husband weeks to like really feel the connection. Yeah. He didn't grow them, he didn't feel them. It's so different. Yeah. So there was this baby placed in his hands, and he was like, hmm, yeah. And I still think there might have been some doubt as to paternity, yeah. Whose it was. Yeah. I mean he came out. Yeah. It was clear. Yeah. It was clear for both of us, but maybe there was some residual doubt, and that made it easier. I don't know. Yeah. Um, but yeah, so I got discharged and like I got discharged three days, right? Yeah. I was, I don't want to be there. Yeah. Get me out. Yeah, please. Um, and I think like the next day I went and bowed for child support. Yeah. I was not fucking around. No. You left. Like you don't yeah, if you don't want to do this, then you made it clear that this is the route we're gonna take. So yeah, I filed for child support and um that took a really long time. Yeah. Like it takes so much time. Yeah, not something overnight. And then like two weeks after my divorce was finalized because we had filed back in March. Yeah, but that also takes a while. So much time. So legally I was divorced and a brand new mom all within like two weeks. Yeah, which is a lot to process. Yeah, it was a lot. Um, and I definitely have like postpartum depression and anxiety. Um and you're alone. I was alone, you have family, but I'm saying like I didn't have a partner. Yeah, you don't have a partner, so it's different than just like family coming in and helping and this and this not. I did live in the compound I now own. So, like my tiny home is where my parents live now. Yeah. And I brought him home, and so every day after work, my mom would come over and make sure, and but I was doing it myself. Yeah, like postpartum, C-section and all. That was it. Like I didn't have a choice. Yeah. I didn't have a choice to mope around and be sad that I was doing it. Like, I had to buck up and do it. Yeah. And so I did. Yeah. That's that's how we lived our life. Like we were just doing it. Yeah. Um, so yeah. But then, okay, so little boy turns one month old. And what kind of happens at this point? So my best friend at the time, I was working with her, and she's like, You need to get on dating house. And I was like, girl, you're insane. I'm not even like you're like, I'm not even, I still got a diaper on. Like, what are you talking about? And she's like, it'll just be fun. Like, you don't need to go out, but just to like talk and make connections here. Connections. Like, talk to someone, do something. You're sitting in this house watching Desperate Housewives on TV while you're breastfeeding your baby all day. Like, do something. Yeah, all right. So I got on Bumble. And the first guy that pops up is someone that I had gone on a few dates with. Okay. Um, I worked at this restaurant when I was 19 years old previous to meeting my spouse, yeah. Ex-spouse. And this guy came in all the time. Yeah. With his sister-in-law and brother. Yeah. And one time his sister-in-law was like, Hey, you should come hang out with us. And I was like, hmm, all right. Yeah. I was young, I was living on my own. Yeah. You know, everyone was away at college, and I was just doing comedian college and hanging out and, you know, whatever. Yeah. And so I went out on a few dates. We hung out. We played Mario Kart. Yeah. Just simple stuff. Simple stuff. But we kissed, and it was not good.

unknown 28:45

Not good.

SPEAKER_01 28:46

Like, shove his tongue down my throat. I felt like I was drowning. Oh no. Not good. So I never went out with him again. Yeah. Cause when you have a bad kiss the first time, it's like you get so turned off. You can't recover. Yeah. No. And so he popped up on my screen and in his like profile on Bumble, it said, like, looking for my life partner to play Mario Kart with. And I replied, I bet you I can beat you in Mario Kart. Yeah. And he replies, We've already done this. Don't you recognize me? And I said, I do. That's why I messaged. Yeah, you're like, yeah, I'm trying here. Right. Right. So we get to talking and chatting. And it just felt easy because I knew him. I knew his family. I knew he was a good guy. And that's what I was looking for. At the time, I was looking, you know, when I met him, I was looking for trouble. Yeah. Because at that age, that's what you're looking for. Now I'm looking for like someone who's going to be a good guy to my kids, good guy to me. Yeah. So I went for it. Yeah. And we ended up going on a date when my kid was six weeks old. Oh my gosh. That's so crazy to think about. It's wild. I was pumping on my way to dates. Like And did you tell him like, hey, I have, or like, how long did it take you to tell him, like, I have a baby back? Immediately. Okay. Like, I was like, hey, because he knew I got married. Yeah. He knew I did lived a whole life. And so he was like, hey, like, I was like, I want to be very upfront. I've had a child. Yeah. I've been married. I've been divorced. I'm a single mom. My child is not my ex-husband's. Like, I was very, very, very upfront. Take it or late it. Over messaging. Because we started messaging when my son was three weeks old, two weeks old. And so we didn't meet up until Yeah. For like a few weeks. Yeah. And so I was very honest. Yeah. So on the first date, I was like, I'm not here to mess around. I'm here to date with intention. And if that's not something you want, like, let's not go on another date. Doors several ways. Um, and that was very well received. He was looking for the same thing. Yeah. And he wasn't the one who called off our dating before. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. So right. So it went really well. Um, and we just saw each other when we could. Yeah. It wasn't a lot. Yeah. It was, you know. And for the first six weeks of us dating, I wouldn't hear from him the whole week. And then like Friday, he'd be like, hey. And I was like, I don't. It took me five weeks to understand that he liked me. Yeah. You're like, wait, what's going on? We would like to do you, do you not? Right. We would talk a lot. And then like once every two weeks, we'd whatever. Yeah. Um, go to watch football or what it was very short because it's not like I had a lot of time. Yeah. And a whole baby at home. And wait, wait, wait, because everyone wants to know, did you guys kiss again? And was it So that's what I was about to say. It took me finally at like five weeks of talking every weekend and like seeing each other two or three more times after that. I was like, Do you like me? Like, are we what's going on? He's a friendship. Right. Are we friends? And at one point he called me like bro, and I was like, bro. Yeah, you're like, wait, what is this? What's happening? And he was like, Oh yeah, you've been my girlfriend for four weeks. And I was like, Oh, okay, good to know. Okay, cool. Um, so I was I remember telling my coworkers, like, I'm so nervous to kiss him because what if it's bad? We built this like really great foundation of like talking and not really seeing each other, and there wasn't that sexual tension. We were just, you know, dating. Um, and we kissed, and it was so much better. Yeah, well, time changes things. But I told him, I was like, I want to let you know, I was very, very nervous about kissing you. And he's like, Yeah, I had a girl teach me. And I was like, What a girls' girl. Yeah, like thank you, whoever you are. Whoever you are, thank you. Because she taught him and she was like, No, don't ever do that again. Yes, she she set him up for girls sex for me. Yeah, I was like, What the thank you? Thank you so much. Thank you. So, yeah, he's now officially a good kisser, thanks to someone else. Because I was not a girls' girl. I was like, bye, yeah, no, I'm not teaching you. I'm grossed out. Goodbye. We're not talking to you. Yeah, so he fixed that. Oh my gosh. So when did he like officially meet your son and like start coming around? And that became a thing. Yeah. So at six months of dating. Oh, okay. So yeah, you waited a while. Well, yeah. So at six months of dating, well, let's back up a little bit. In January, we went to a wedding. Okay. He was in the wedding. So we started dating in October. Yeah. And in January, he's like, hey, I have a wedding. This is kind of a big ass. Do you want to come with me? And I was like, yeah, sure. He's like, my whole family's gonna be there. I was like, Oh, oh, okay. It's okay. And he's like, and I'm in it. You're like, oh, okay, so I'll be by myself. Right. So um at the rehearsal dinner, one of his best friends, and like this wedding is there was like a group of five, seven guys that met in like grade school Little League. Yeah, like best friends. Yeah. And friends since. So one of the girlfriends was like, Who's this girl we're gonna meet tomorrow? Whatever, da-da-da. Yeah. And so she's talking my Instagram. In I had removed everything. Like I didn't have photos of my kid, I didn't pregnancy, but I was tagged in my baby shower in August. Yeah. And so she was like, um, it's January. Did you know that she was still pregnant in August? And my husband, if you knew him, knew his internal, like he felt like he was gonna throw up, I'm sure. Because he had no idea. We hadn't discussed how old my kid was. Yeah, nothing. And he's like, Yeah. Yeah, totally. And then he had no idea, like he had no idea. So then he didn't address it with me, which is so funny, and totally him. And at six months, he was like, I he was drunk, yeah, I'm sure. And he was like, I love you. And I was like, You don't know my kid, you don't know me as a mom. Yeah, like there's a whole other side of me. You only get 10% of me. Yeah. And when we were hanging out, I was sleeping. Yeah, you're like, I'm tired, I'm exhausted. I mean up. I'd watch a movie and I'd fall asleep. Yeah. So many pictures of like the first six months of me just like taking it out. Yeah, with him. Um and so I said, All right, like if this is something you really want, yeah, let's go into the details. Yeah. And he was like, okay. And so I spilled everything. I was like, I have a five-month-old, yeah, or well, seven months maybe. So at five months, he told me. I had a six-month-old time. I was like, if this is it and you are still in, yeah, let's meet him. Yeah. He's like, okay. He was six months old, it's not like we were doing anything. He kind of came with us to dinner and his brothers have like whatever. And the connection was instant. Like we went to a spring training game, and he was very natural with him holding him and playing with him. And there's only so much you can do with a six-month-old. Yeah, but still he was involved. It wasn't like he was like not touching him or not, like acting like he was there. Totally fine. Yeah. Which is ironic because he's never even held a baby. Yeah. Like, yeah, my kid was the first baby he was up and he held. And so, yeah, and that was kind of it. Like, at that point, once he met my son and we'd had those discussions, we were in. We were figuring it out. And was BioDad seeing your son at these this time? And like, yeah. So he we had worked out like a visitation. So kind of leading up, he maybe saw would come over like an hour a week. Yeah. Might come over, yeah, see him, leave, come over. Like it wasn't a lot, that's for sure. But um, we went to court in March. Okay. And it had been really tumultuous because if you don't know, in Arizona, yeah, child support is directly correlated to the amount of time you spend. Okay. And the amount of money you make. Yeah. So they input how much time you see them, how much money you make, and it spits out a number. Yeah. Like you don't want to get a say in it. Yeah. It just is what it is. I think it's good in some cases and really bad in other cases, I'm gonna say. Yeah. Because sometimes parents who don't want to be involved take more time and are neglectful because they don't want to pay the money. Yeah. That's not my case, and I'm super fortunate for that. But that is part of child support. Yeah. So it was really tumultuous. He got a lawyer. I got a shark. You're like, I mean, I was not messing around. Yeah. He had made threats like, I'll take him away, or I'll like, yeah. No. And so, and like on the paperwork, they had filed like the baby had been living with him. Just like lying. Yeah. And it might have been an oversight, but I don't yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:59

Like, I don't know about that.

SPEAKER_01 38:00

Yeah. And so ultimately, my shark did a great job. And um, our visitation up into like a year and a half was like, I don't I can't remember if it was three days a week two hour visits. Yeah. Or two days a week, three hour visits. Yeah. That lasted for a long time. Yeah. Still a short amount of time. Well, because that was full-time breastfeeding. Yeah. And so you can't really take a baby longer than that was a while. He then the next step up, we like very much followed like the guidelines. The next step up was like one overnight and two hour visits. Yeah. Um, and that started around like a year. And so while we were figuring out our relationship and had just decided, like, okay, we're in it. Yeah, I was going to court. Yeah. Which was yeah. Crazy. Yeah. Um, and yeah, and so once court was done, yeah, that was it. Like we didn't have anything to fight about. Yeah. I took kind of a hit on numbers wise for child support because I just wanted to make him happy. Yeah. And I wanted more time. Yeah. Like if I get more time with my son, then whatever. I have to end up like, yeah, I'll take $200 less and get to have him more. Yeah. Yeah. So it worked out great. It was wonderful. We don't really fight much. Yeah. Because that's it. Yeah. He was fighting to talk about anything more. Yeah. Yeah. And once you figured out like you can't fight over money, it is what it is. Yeah. It made it so much easier. Don't get me wrong, we still have fights. Yeah. Well, you're your parents, you're co-parenting. So I don't think that that ever, you know, goes it never goes away. It's gotten way easier. Yeah. Um, but we don't like we'll fight about stupid stuff. Like he wants him to play baseball. I want him to play lacrosse. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:02

Like yeah, it's not like things.

SPEAKER_01 40:04

Yeah. The big uh disagreement or argument, I would say that's on our back burner. Yeah. That's kind of bubbling is um I think and my son has requested that his name be hyphenated. Yeah. Um well because like let's be clear here. You're now husband, because how long have you guys been married now? We got married in 2020, so four years. Yeah. But at the time that he came into your life, your son was young. So like your six months old knows him as you know met him at six months. Yeah, he knows him as a dad. And we have him 90% of the time. Yeah. Until I mean, I told you, we're nine years in. Yeah. And we still have him 83% of the time. Yeah. So majority of the time is spent with you guys. And yes, he has a biological dad that I'm sure he considers his dad, but he has another dad. And he calls him daddy. So biological dad is daddy. Yeah. When my other kids were born, yeah, it felt uncomfortable to have my other kids calling their dad by their name. Yeah. Because that's what their brother was doing. Yeah. So they're like, oh. So we then agreed amongst us that my husband would be called dad. Yeah. So he's got daddy and dad. Yeah. And I mean, I am so thankful for how much daddy is in the picture. Because I didn't think he would be at all. Yeah. I mean, if you think about it in the beginning, he he wasn't. Yeah. The trajectory of how it was going didn't seem like it was gonna end up with him being involved. Exactly. What's best for your son is, you know, he's got two dads. So that's right. And I'm so, so thankful with how involved he is. He's very involved, very, very involved. Like, even though we have 83, 17, we rely on each other. Like, I pick him up from school and he comes and picks him up for me because I have to be there for my other kid anyway. Yeah. Yeah. And like if I need him to take him to the sporting event that he has that week, he'll do it. Yeah.

unknown 42:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:15

Or his wife will do it. Like, we heavily rely on each other. And although our parenting time is 83, 17, he sees him more than 17 because he shows up to all the practices, all the games, like he's there. Yeah, he's present. Yes. But not to undermine that, my husband has spent the last 10 years almost fully being present every day. Yeah. And so I think that needs to be acknowledged 100%. Plus, it's very hard for my son to not be included. He has two siblings who have our last name. Yeah. Yeah. So he did he doesn't want to feel left out. And they don't understand. And then at the same time, like your husband not only has spent the last 10 years parenting this child, but it's not biologically his. That's a hard thing to do. You know what I mean? To take on someone else's kid. And it sounds like he did it so naturally from the beginning that it's like you can't deny that connection there. Yeah. And when I met him, he didn't want kids. Yeah. So he tells me all the time, like, because of your son, yeah. Is why I knew I wanted to be a dad. Because I and he, if you ask him, like I think if you ask other people, they would say, Your stepkids are different. Yeah. And for him, it is not. Yeah. Like there is no difference between his biological kid and my biological kid because he started so young. Yeah. It's not like he came in when he was four or five or which is awesome because, like you said, a lot of people, it is, it's, well, that's my stepchild, and this is my child. And there's a difference in how they're treated. You know, there is not a difference at all. And so within my family, there is. Yeah. But that's awesome. Yeah. That your son has that too, where he's not treated differently by him. Yeah. And sees that, you know, his siblings are like he gets parented all the way across the board by all of us the same. Yeah. So that's really lucky. Well, and so now, okay, how many kids do you have and what are the the ages? So I have three total. So I um after I got pregnant on birth control, yeah, I had an IUD put in. I was like not messing around. Really don't want to get pregnant until I'm ready. Yeah. Um, my son is two. And I got pregnant in January. God damn. With my IUD. Birth control does not like you. Does not telling you, uh-uh. Mm-hmm. So I got pregnant with my IUD in place. Oh my gosh. I ironically, my now husband and I had broken up. Oh god. We're living in the same house, yeah, separate bedrooms. Yeah. We had broken up, just it was just hard. Yeah. Um, and I went to him and was like, I'm pregnant. Oh my god. Um, and he was like, Are you sure? And I was like, Well, pretty sure. Took a test, cried. Yeah, stopped. Like, we are broken up.

SPEAKER_00 45:20

Yeah, like what how why?

SPEAKER_01 45:22

Yeah. We're I'm supposed to be moving out. Now I'm pregnant and already a single mom. Um, and so I had a very real conversation with him. I said, We're either not having this baby.

SPEAKER_00 45:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:40

We're having this baby and we're doing it together. Yeah. Or we're having this baby and you're signing away your rights. Because I am not doing this again. Yeah. No. Like I'm not, I'm not doing this again. Um, and we I'm gonna be completely honest, we had very, very real talks about not having our son. Yeah. Um, and I went to the doctor and had conversations with her about it because I was very, very freshly pregnant. Yeah. Um, and she's like, Well, we don't do that here, but let me tell you the steps. And essentially she was like, they force you to look at the screen, watch the heartbeat, hear the heartbeat. Yeah, like be very sure. As someone who's already been through that, I was like, absolutely not. Yeah, I can't do it. I can't I can't, I can't live with that. I cannot do that. Yeah. Um, and so I went home and was like, we're down to two. Two options. Yeah. We're either gonna first option's out the door. Out the door. So we're either having this baby together or we're going our separate ways and like you're signing away your rights. Yeah. And he had already made up his mind that like he wanted to work it out and be together. Our really our issues were stupid about miscommunication and family. Yeah. Um, I mean, those are two big things though, I feel like a lot of people fight about, you know? Yeah. His family's very, very traditional. Yeah. Um, in some capacities, he was raised LDS. Oh, okay. And he was 18. And yeah. So me having a baby out of wedlock, and then me getting pregnant was very like frowned upon. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and so yeah, like it was hard. Yeah. But we figured it out. And we are so well, and thank God, because now that son is how old? About to be seven. Crazy. So we had him, and leading up to it, my pregnancy was very difficult. Again, I've never had a normal like pregnancy or delivery. Yeah. So my first pregnancy, obviously, super traumatic, super, super awful. My second pregnancy, super traumatic, super, super awful. Yeah. Um, and it begs the question like when you have a traditional family, what do they expect you to do when you get pregnant? Yeah. Because they don't want you to have an abortion. Yeah. Because they're traditional. And they don't really want you to adopt the baby out because they're traditional, but they don't want you to be pregnant. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:18

So it's like, what do I what do I do here?

SPEAKER_01 48:20

I'm already here. What do you want me to do? Yeah. Um, so that was very interesting to navigate through. Um, but yeah, so we had him, and when I had him via C-section, um, we tied my tubes.

unknown 48:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:35

You were like, that's it. Well, birth control doesn't work. Yeah. Obviously. I tried the best. Like I did the IUD. Different forms. The IUD is supposed to be Yeah, that's supposed to be like a concrete thing. Yeah. And it Yeah, it wasn't for you. Mm-mm. So we tied my tubes and we were like, look, if if we get married, if we decide to have more, we'll do IBF. Yeah, whatever. Yeah. Um, so yeah, we I had my son in October and we got engaged in February and married in August. And then um it was great. Like, once we got through the pregnancy and through his family, once he chose me, which yeah, that's crazy to say. Once he decided, like, no, this is it, I'm choosing her no matter what you think. Yeah, I'm choosing my family. This is my family now. Yeah, we had no problems. Yeah. Like, what what is there to fight about? Really, when you have a healthy, normal relationship, yeah, and you can communicate. Well, and you stand by each other. You know what I mean? You're like that's you're a team. Exactly. That's the biggest thing for me. Is that when you're a team, yeah, then you know you figure it out. Um, so yeah, we just chose each other every day and still do. Yeah. Um, and then I wanna say like two years, someone's maybe a year and a half. I thought I was pregnant again without my tubes. Oh my god. Of if that's gonna happen to anyone. Yeah, it's gonna happen to you. It's gonna happen to me. And it is possible. It is possible. Um, and so I took a pregnancy test because I we were married and I went to him and I was like, hey, I'm having symptoms. Yeah. Um, I'm gonna take a test. And he was like, okay. I could tell he was like visibly upset when it was negative. Oh, yeah. Um, and so that opened up a real discussion about like, hey, do we want another kid here? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And we both agreed. And so we started the IBF process. Yeah. Um, which is fun. Yeah. I just didn't know what I was doing. Yeah. Like, yeah. You don't know what you're stepping into. No. Right. And it feels kind of um fake for me because I didn't suffer from inverted I I was the opposite. Yeah. Yeah. And so I had a lot of people reaching out. Like I know at one point you reached out to me. Yeah. And I felt almost um imposter syndrome, yeah. Fake because I I didn't have those struggles. Yeah. And it wasn't infertility, it was just something you had to do at that point because and I couldn't relate, but I felt terrible not sharing because people don't know. You don't know. Like you don't know how trouble you're gonna feel. You don't know. And so I thought I would start sharing that. And I did, and I had a lot of people reach out and I was very upfront. Like, I didn't suffer from infertility. I'm doing this because we made a choice. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, remove my tubes. Um, and we ended up with I had 28 eggs taken out. Holy crap. Uh that's a lot. Well, they sent me into you know, too many. Yeah. Um, because of those 28, 12 mature matured, yeah. And then eight of those then were five. Actually, five-day embryos, which is a crazy high rate for the back half. Normally you get 12 eggs, yeah, and you know, 11 mature, and only three of those are five-day embryos. Instead, we were the opposite. We lost a lot of eggs, but then had a ton of embryos. So I currently we then used one embryo. We did not genetic test because we didn't need to. Yeah. I wasn't a carrier. He wasn't, yeah. He had one carrier, but it didn't matter for us because, you know, I wasn't. So we didn't genetic test. I don't know what they are. Yeah. But we used one embryo and we got a girl. Yeah. And now we have seven embryos sitting on ice that I just crazy. Don't know. So we got 23 eggs, 11 matured, and then three made it through genetics. Which is yeah. But I mean, still good. Yes. In the grand scheme of things. Yes. I feel awful for the people that um do multiple rounds. Yeah, well, and they think like, oh, we got 24 eggs, and they think like, oh, we're golden. But it's like you don't realize how many you can lose throughout that process. And I know people that have gotten 24 eggs, then like 10 matured, and then at the end they got nothing. Nothing. Or the other part that nobody discusses is like they can thaw and yeah, have to use like you have three. Yeah. You used one. Yeah. You have two more left. In that thawing process, you can lose one and have to use that other one. I know. So now you're at it's all like a that one to them. Yes. And it's not that's in your control. It's all left up to God and the doctors, and yeah, you know, it's nuts. Crazy. And I just didn't know. So I got a lot of education on it. Yeah. You know, as someone who didn't learned a lot from it. I learned a lot. But so you have your daughter. Well, what was that labor like? Awful. Um, so I went, I had a c-section because my first was breach. Yeah. So he was, we tried an inversion, it didn't work. Yeah. I did a c-section. My next, I went into labor naturally. Naturally. Yeah. I had sex to have him because I was wanting him out. You do what you gotta do. I wanted him out. So I went into labor naturally. We showed up. Um, they weren't sure if I was really in labor. They made me walk for an hour. And in that hour, I went from three centimeters to seven centimeters. And they were like, Yeah, you're going. Emergency. Yeah. Emergency, emergency. Um, and they took me back. And had they just told me, like, you're seven centimeters, we can do an epidural. Yeah. And like do a V back, I would have done it, but I didn't know. You don't know what you don't know. Yeah. So I did a repeat C-section and tubal removal. Yeah. So because I had gotten so far with my second, yeah, I opted to do a V back. Yeah. Because we had seven embryos. Yeah. I wanted more kids. Yeah. My dream would be to have five kids. Yeah. Um, and so I did a V back and I went in. Um, we did a fully. Oh, yeah. So I did a fully balloon. It was great. They put it in. Oh. It didn't hurt. I got, so I delivered at Good Seam. Okay. So far. Yeah. Really far from our house. Um, so by the time they put it in, by the time we got home, I was already in labor.

SPEAKER_00 55:27

Oh, damn.

SPEAKER_01 55:28

Um, I went and laid down for like an hour and it got so bad that I woke up. I tried to pull on the balloon and it didn't come out. So I was like, maybe I'm not. Yeah, like maybe it's not happening. Right. But I went because I was like, I'm in labor. Yeah. You know what labor is? This is labor. Yeah. Um, we got there and I was six centimeters. And she's like, how come this isn't coming out? And finally they just like, yeah, pulled her out. Pulled her out. And so my husband's like, This is it. We're having a baby. Yeah. Um, so I labored. Um, after they took out the balloon, I slowed. Yeah. Um, so they gave me pitocin. Me too. Um, and it was very slow, but my daughter kept popping off and they couldn't find her heartbeat. So we would be like in there and it'd be like and then it would go silent. Gosh, which is like terrifying. Terrifying. Um, and she did that all night. Oh gosh. So I got to know my nurses very well. Yeah. Um, there were still COVID protocols in, so like my mom was not supposed to be there. It was only supposed to be my husband, but my nurse was just like, I don't feel comfortable kicking out a mom right now. Like, we're just Yeah. And so they allowed my mom to stay. And all of a sudden, I finally got my epidural. Like my nurses were like, hey, you're like seven centimeters. Do you want your epidural? And I was like, yes, you finally got it. Within an hour of getting my epidural, I they were checking me. And um, I had been like zero E face, so she was like there. Yeah. And um I was like seven centimeters, um, and they could feel her. And all of a sudden, I started vomiting. Oh no. And they were checking me, and I felt like this they were trying to pop my water, yeah, is what they were trying to do. And all of a sudden I felt this gush. And my mom, who was an athletic trainer, yeah, and is very into like, like if she could have been in the C-section, she anatomy. She would have done it herself, right? She taught anatomy and physiology. Like, she's very into it. My mom is at the foot of the bed. Yeah. And I'm looking at her. And I said, Was that my water? And she goes, Uh-huh. Yep. And she turned around. Oh no. I knew. Yeah, something's up. Something's up. And um, there was a first-year resident, and she's like, I can't, I can't feel the I can't feel the head. What what was she at? And my nurse, all of a sudden you could tell she was like, Yeah, like something's wrong. She's like, What do you mean you can't feel her? She was at zero. There were the baby was there. I could feel the head. What do you mean? And all of a sudden it I could see in my nurse's eyes, it clicked. I had ruptured. Oh shit. So baby is now in my abdomen. Oh god. And they're ripping the cords out. Oh god. And there are 20 people in my room. Um, and it all happened like, yeah, fast. Well, what feels fast. Feels fast. And um, I then realized like this is an emergency. We have a problem. I actually looked my husband dead in the eyes and I said, I love you. Yeah, like I don't know. Um, I love you so much and take care of our kids. And I said goodbye. But I said my goodbye. It's just so crazy. Yeah. I'm like tearing up. Yeah. It was awful. Yeah. I said goodbye to my mom, and then I went unresponsive. Oh shit. Mind you, I have an epidural. So they did not put me under.

SPEAKER_00 59:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 59:20

So although I'm unresponsive, I can hear and see everything. Yeah. Like you still yeah. Yeah. So we get to the OR and we're just sitting there. And I'm like, what are we waiting for? Yeah, what's going on? And I finally like what I thought screamed and was like, what are we doing? And she's like, Well, we're waiting for Dr. Han to get here, or for you to see if you want to continue naturally. Or and I said, get her out. Yeah, like do a C-section, do what you gotta do at this point. Get her out. And she was a first year resident, so I'm not gonna like Yeah, it was But like was not her fault. Um, they brought in a fourth year resident because whoever was running the floor at the time was in doing something else. They were in another emergency. So I had a first year resident and a fourth year resident perform my C-section. Oh my god. And um Piper, my youngest, came out and she was not crying. Oh, which is like the worst fear is a mom, right? Yeah, especially in the middle of an emergency. And my husband walks in and I said, Why is she not crying? Yeah, what's going on? And he said, She's still in you. And I said, No, she's not. Yeah. And so he ran over to where she was. Um, and then my doctor walked in. Oh my God. And she said, I see we have a baby. And she was great, she was wonderful, she saved my life. Yeah. Um, and my youngest was fine. Yeah. She was fine. Um, she started to cry. They brought her over to me. I got to see her. I still was um not good. Yeah. When I actually got into the OR, because when you get into an OR, the OR nurses take over, right? Yeah. And your labor and delivery nurses leave. And I grabbed my labor and delivery nurse and I said, Am I going to die? Yeah. And she said, I don't know. Yeah, like honestly. And one of the OR nurses looks at her and goes, Did you just say that? She said, I don't know. She's been bleeding out for 10 minutes. Yeah. Like she's like, I'm not gonna lie. Ten minutes I bled out. Oh my god. Um, and so yeah, I obviously I made it through. And but for four hours, three hours, my mom and my husband thought I was not going to make it because they got no updates. Yeah. The nurses that were with me were in the hall um crying and sobbing because of what had just occurred. Um, and ultimately they stitched me up, they fixed me. I got a few blood transfusions. Yeah. I by the grace of God, you both came out of it. And she was fine. They didn't even take her to the NICU. Wow. She was in my abdomen for 10 minutes. She came out like my husband was like, it was like a Mel Gibson gory. Oh my god. Like she was covered. Well, and your poor husband and mom are like, you know. Yeah, so there are pictures. Um, now that people know the story, you can look, but there are pictures of my husband and my mom holding my daughter for the first time. Yeah. Yeah, like what the fuck just happened? And they're so they're you can see they're smiling because they're holding the baby. But the first thing that my grandma said to my mom was, What happened? Why do you look like that? Yeah, like why are you looking so upset? Like, yeah. So I guess when I went into the room, my one of the nurses came and got my parent, my mom, and my husband who was like, who's going with her? Yeah. And my mom just sat back and was like, Well, it's you, like you're gonna go. Yeah. And my husband was like, but it should be you. Like, she's your daughter. No, I know. In a C-section, it's so hard to live. It is, but like, especially in an emergency, because my husband thinking, like, this is your daughter, and she might die. Yeah, you should go. Then it's like, this is your husband, this is your child. Right. And so ultimately she was like, No, you need to go. Um, my sister is a high-risk OB. Yeah. So she was actually, my mom was like, This is scary. What's happening? Something's going on. Yeah. And then finally later, my sister called. Yeah. And like, you know, kind of talked her off the edge. But it was for three hours, they thought that I was not going to make it because I was not responsive. I was not um able to speak to them, which is like extremely traumatic all the way around for you, for her them, for them. Yeah, we joked that I scared the religion right back into my mom. Yeah. Like, yeah, there you go. She was not religious, and suddenly she's very um, she meditates and she's she's like, okay. Yeah. God, I'm here. Yeah. So it was awful. Um, and then I'll never forget this moment because my mom gives me a hard time. She's like, if you would have, if we would have never told you that you almost died, because I I'll bring it up, whatever. Yeah. And uh I'm like, no, mom, I don't think you get it. I I know everything. Like, yeah, like I actually went to therapy for it and my therapist was like, You remember every detail. And I was like, No, I do. Yeah. Unfortunately. Unfortunately, but I get to the so they had come in like an hour, two hours into the procedure and was like, Can we give her formula? And I was like, Well, is she crying? Yeah. Does she need it? And they were like, No, she's good. And I was like, Okay, let's wait. Yeah. So I get back to recovery after I have literally almost died. Yeah. And uh I was like, okay, give her to me. I'm gonna feed her. Mom was like, I think you can take a minute. And I was like, no, she needs to eat. And she's like, You're a boss ass bitch. And I was like, That's what fucking moms do. That's what she gotta do. That's what she gotta do. Yeah. Um, I was really fortunate that I had already gotten my epiderol because had I not, they would have put me under. Yeah. And then I wouldn't have been able to, like, yeah. You don't come out of it the way that, yeah. No, it would have taken me hours. Yeah. Yeah. So um, that was really fortunate that you know it just kind of happened the way it did. And it gave me like a new look on life. Like I didn't ever want to take my family or my kids or my husband for granted because yeah, I well, and that's how quick it can happen. Right. I looked him in the eyes and said goodbye. That I'll never forget that feeling. Yeah. And I'm sure he won't. You know what I mean? No. And so at that moment, um, we we didn't have a will. We didn't have anything set up. Yeah. And so we discussed what we would want to do, how we want to go about this. And we ultimately decided that, like, if anything happened to me, we wanted their to remain. A 50-50 custody. Yeah. Um, because technically my son goes to his dad. Yeah. Um, but because of how often we have him, I think it would be very detrimental to my son to go from 83% up 17 to 83, then 17 up. Yes. So we agreed 50-50. Um, we have a notarized document. Yeah. Um, obviously we didn't go to court for it or anything, but we have a notarized document. He signed it, we signed it, and um that's all that matters. Um, and if anything happens to me and Brett, my husband, at the same time, our kids go to my oldest biological dad. Yeah. Because if he was losing his parents, we didn't want him to lose his siblings too. Yeah. Which is like a huge um mature thing. Like that's a mature decision to make, you know what I mean? And a full circle. Right. From where you went in the country thunder. It's like if you look at this as like a time lapse. Yeah. It's like how it's come around to this point where, you know, you would trust him to raise my other kids. Yeah. Yeah. So that your son could remain. Well, because we've always put Walker first. Yeah. Or my old. We've always put my oldest first. And so putting him first means uncomfortable things. Yeah. Yeah. It means that if we're gone, the most comfortable thing is for him to remain in his home with his siblings. So they moved to our house. Yeah. Which is also connected to my parents' house. So they're all everybody's involved. A full built-in. And what did your um oldest dad, what did he say when you guys brought this? Like I so I had gone to lunch with him. Um, the best way for us to co-parent is him and I go to lunch. Yeah. Someone watches our oldest, yeah, whether it's his stepmom or my husband, and we go to lunch and we hash things out face to face. So there's no confusion on tone or text messages. Yeah. Right. And even like standing in the doorway and having a conversation, it's not easy. Yeah. Kids running around. Whatever. So we go to eat and we'll hash everything out. Um, so one of the things we were actually initially addressing and why I brought him to lunch was because his stepmom had kind of crossed a line via school. Yeah. And I just wanted to voice my opinion of like, I don't like the way that this was dealt. Yeah. Yeah. Um, how do we navigate it moving forward? Yeah. Um, and then at the end, I said, like, this is a huge ask. We've had a very like emotionally journeying conversation. Yeah. But given what happened, we would like for you to take care of our kids. Yeah. If anything happens. And his immediate response was yes. Yeah. Like sitting at lunch, he was like, Yes, that logically makes the most sense. Yeah. And I said, Well, don't you need to go talk to your wife about that? Yeah. And he's like, No, because I'm doing what's best for our kid. Yeah. That will always come first. He was not married at the time. Yeah. So um but still, full circle, mature moment from him. Yes, yes. I mean, that's a lot. Like, yeah, I don't know if they're going to have children. I don't know if that's in their future or wants or wishes. It's not like we're sitting down over coffee chatting about gossiping. Yeah. Hey, are we gonna have a baby? You know, sometimes I'll joke about it. Yeah. Like, I don't, I don't know. Yeah. Um, our kids almost tens. Yeah. It's not like, yeah, you're a baby. Right. You're restarting. That's a lot. Yeah. So I don't know, but if they did have kids, yeah, now you're jumping from two to five. Yeah. Real fast. Yeah. Um, and he he didn't even question it. He was like, yes, that's that's what's best for our son. And he always comes first. Yeah. So yeah, that's a full yeah, full circle. And him and your husband are, I don't want to say friends, but they are they're friends. Okay. So I would say they're friends. I would say if we lived closer, they would do more together. Yeah. But they go to baseball games together, they go to football training games together. They coach my kids sporting sports. So it is very funny when like like prime example, and we most recently played flag football. We were like, oh, this is Walker's dad, he's the head coach, and this is my husband. He's oh, I bet everybody's like, hey, what? And then they're interested. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, he's Walker's stepdad, and we all do the best. Right. But I mean, that is the best case scenario because Walker Walker Well, and even your other kids, just to see that like that relationship can exist in both situations with both dads, and there's not this toxic confrontation every time you guys are around each other. Never. And if there is confrontation, it is never in front of the kids. Or we do our best. Yeah. Yeah. Or if I know there's gonna be confrontation at a drop-off, I'll close the door. Yeah. Like, no, you don't yeah. We don't need that. We don't we need our kid to see all of us together, yeah, getting along and seeing that this can be done. Yeah. Because God forbid, what if it happens to him? Yeah. Yeah. Or I mean these dynamics exist now more than ever as far as um, you know, divorce and co-parenting, and um, it's way more common. It's way more common, and I have seen so many co-parenting relationships that are toxic. Yeah. And I don't want I didn't want it to begin with. Yeah. That's why I tried. Yeah. I didn't want Well the kids are the ones that pay. Right. And it's like that's not for them to pay for it. They didn't they didn't put themselves in that situation, so they shouldn't have to.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:02

Luckily, my they've he all of them, all the kids in this scenario have always ever known his dad and his stepmom and me and my husband.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:18

Yeah. He's never seen anything else. If I had to guess, and um I have a funny funny, funny story. If I was at work and he was watching our son, and he calls me and is like, I just can't do this. I don't I need help. I can't do this. He was little, yeah, little, little. Um so I told my boss, I was like, I gotta go. Yeah, so I gotta go. And I since I was no longer working, my best friend and I went to zips. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:50

Sit in the booth.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:52

I have my son, me, my best friend, and in walks dad and stepmom.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:58

You're like, oh dear god.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:59

They get sat right behind me. Oh my gosh. My back is to his back.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:04

And I take a picture and I'm like, hey. That could have been their first date. I don't think it was. Yeah. But but in they walk, and like, oh there's like a maybe a seven-week-old baby sitting there. Like, what are the odds? What are the freaking odds? So yeah. He, I mean, he has literally only known the four of us. Yeah. That's all it is living together. Well, and the last thing we're gonna hit on is your what's the dynamic between you and his now wife? Um, so there's not much. Um, it's kind of hard to it's hard. I'm sure it is very hard for her. Yeah. Um, I'm sure she has not heard great things about me. Yeah. Also, the one massively big fight we've ever really had was about the name. And I was driving home from therapy and I had a whole discussion with my therapist about it and how to like we had notes on like what to say and how to say it. Yeah. And I was on the phone with him and we were talking about it, and he like said something, and I was driving past his apartment. Yeah. And instead of I like he hung up on me and I showed my true crazy and was like, if you don't answer the fucking phone, I'm showing up at your apartment and we're gonna have this discussion in person. One way or another. And he did not answer the phone. So I showed up, I knocked on the door, and she was there. Yeah. And I'm sure, like, that was a true crazy thing to do. Yeah. But also valid when you're trying to have a discussion about something very serious and if it's gonna get shut down, yeah. And so it was a very crazy thing for me to do, and probably the craziest thing. But she's like, who the fuck is this? This person just she's screaming, she's losing her shit, she's showing up. Yeah, like it was a true low moment for me. Um, and she was there for it. And so I'm sure she doesn't have the greatest opinion of me. I mean, I know that like they're super thankful in how much I've, you know, how respectful our kid is and how kind our kid is, and yeah, uh, they know I have a large part in that. So she does have respect for me. Yeah. Um, but yeah, it's it's difficult to navigate. And it's also difficult to navigate because I don't feel like she's included. Um, not by me. Yeah. But I don't think like when you make decisions, like accepting someone else's kids without conversation. Yeah. You talk to your partner, or like my family does a Christmas Eve party every year, and I invited them. And instead of like asking his wife, do you want to go? Yeah. They just said he said yes, which is great for Walker again. Yeah. But like lack of communication. And I'm sure that has some residual discomfort. Yeah. You know, so it makes it difficult. We did have like an unfortunate situation happened where like someone, her best friend was talking poorly about me and it got back to me. Yeah. And like, you know, it filters through. Yeah. So like it came from her, it came from her to her best friend, to one of my friends, and like that it was just uncomfortable. And I don't know if we've ever like recovered or addressed it. Yeah. We did a little bit, but like But there's still that tension. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so there's no, it's not tension. Like, we all go every Saturday to sporting games. And we sit right next to each other and we chat, but it's not deep. Well, and it's not like um, so like we said, my husband and his dad go to games together and do things. Yeah, you guys don't have that relationship. We don't go get coffee, we don't go out to eat, we don't, yeah, you know, we don't blur those lines. It's very much like I co-parent with his dad, and I like we co-parent with his dad, and that's really it. Like the decisions are left to him, and she's yeah, not a part of that, and that has to suck. Yeah. You picked her, you chose her, she should be included. Yeah. So like if I like But that's also his job to make that yeah, and I do my effort. Like I, if I it like a prime example, we had a discussion about clubs for sporting. And I said, I think we should switch. I think the four of us should have a discussion. Yeah. So I try. Yeah. Like all of us. Um, but again, it goes back to like half truths. Yeah. Yeah. So things have occurred that like half truths are are spoken. So my husband's favorite story of all time in the nine years we've all been doing this ride. Is we his mom made me to Mollins. Yeah. With my son. And so he's like, Hey, I have some for you. You know, can I drop them by? And I was like, We're not home. I'll come over. Yeah. When we get home. Well, it was late by the time we got home. So I dropped off my husband and my kids. Yeah. He put them to bed. I went over there. She was out to lunch or dinner with her whole family.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:33

Yeah. Her whole family.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:35

Yeah. And he had must have messaged her and been like, hey, she's coming to pick up the tamales. Yeah. That was all that was said. Yeah. So I show up. He knew that I was coming just by myself. Yeah. And he's like, hey, do you want to have a drink? Sit and chat. We'll talk about Walker. Yeah. We'll talk about our oldest, your oldest, our oldest. And we'll just have a drink. Chill. And I was like, yeah, sure. No problem. Yeah. So we're sitting at the table, minding our own business. Yeah. Talking about our son. He's there. It's not like he's at home. Yeah. That's not all he's there. And she walks in. She's like, hey!

SPEAKER_02 1:19:17

Where are the kids? Where's where's Brett? I was like, oh, he's at home. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:26

Putting the kids to bed. And she was like, oh. And you could tell, like, yeah. Instantly she's not feeling good about that. And then she goes, people like tried to call you. He's like, okay. About what? She's like, they're coming over for a bonfire. Oh dear God. She's like, really? They're like right behind. Oh dear God. And mocks her sister. Oh no. Her husband.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:54

Her brother. Her dad.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:57

And I'm just sitting there with his dad. Like having a drink. Yeah. Just the two of us.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:04

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:04

How uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:06

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:07

Because now she has to explain, like, yeah. No, no, this is normal. Like, but it's not. We had never done it before. No. And they're probably saying, like, something fishy's going on there. You know, from the family standpoint. You walk in and I'm sitting at the table with just the three of it was so uncomfortable. My butthole clenched. I was like, oh no. Why? I said, Did you tell her I was coming by myself? And he was like, Well, I told her you were coming. And I'm like, I felt so uncomfortable. Oh my god. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I left immediately. Because I'm like, I called my husband on the way home and I was like, You will never believe what just happened. Oh, I bet he got a kick out of it. He thought he still to this day, if he thinks about it, he'll laugh. Yeah. He's like, that's not funny. It was so uncomfortable. Like, uncomfortable. Oh my God. And that's okay. Like, but it kind of goes to show like a pat you know. Yeah. So when things like that happen, of course. She's looking at you thinking it's a you thing, when really it's like he should have been like, hey, she's coming alone to pick up the tamales. We're gonna have a drink and talk about this or whatever. You know what I mean? Like, she doesn't know from his lack of communication. And so now she's thinking it's something Not I don't think she I know that she doesn't think was happening. But I would be mortified if I was in her shoes and now my whole family is walking in. Yeah, and you gotta try and explain that to them. I have barely met them. Yeah. And now it's like, hey. And they're like, oh, why don't you hang out? I was like, I gotta go, I gotta go. Yes. Hi. Yeah, no, I'm not hanging out. And like he just says those those things where like you could see it would create a problem. Yeah, definitely. And so, yeah, it's just a learning curve all around. Yeah, I'm sure. Also, we're like very similar in that, like, we'll buy the same clothes. Yeah. But personality-wise, we're very different. Like we have completely opposite likes and wants and you know, whatever. And so that's hard to navigate. Yeah. Because although we have some similarities, we're very different. Yeah. Very different. Yeah. And so navigating that is hard. Yeah. And it's not like guys where you can just be like, I like beer and football. Do you like beer and football? Literally. No, we're way more complex than that. Yeah. So I think guys, yeah, they can get along so easier. They can get in a fight, and two seconds later, they're cool. We're different. But I would say overall, you guys have done an awesome job. And yeah, we do birthday parties together. We do he come, he came Christmas Eve with my whole family. Yeah. We did a super funny photo. My husband does not find it funny. I find it so funny. We did a prom pose. Oh my god. Yeah, on one side of one side. It's hilarious. Yeah. Like those are important things that we can. Yeah. You gotta make light of some things because it's like if it's constant tension and constant, like, you know. It's our life. Yeah. You only got one life to live. Yeah. Who wants to live like that? Yeah. So we're just And I mean you guys are making the best of it, and you have come full circle, and it seems like everybody's matured very well and done what's best for your son and the rest of your kids. And that's like the goal. Yeah. Yeah. So we're just living life, you know? Well, I mean, I feel like I've I feel like I just went through a um a whole movie with you. I know. And we just bought my childhood home and we're fixing it up. Yeah. And all of that, it's a lot. Which is awesome though. Yeah. Because that's not something a lot of people get to say, oh, I bought my childhood home and we're fully renovating it. Yeah. Top to bottom. That's awesome. I guess so. Yeah, you guys need to follow her. She posts all of their videos of them renovating stuff on their own. It's giving me inspiration because Tyler and I want to do that. You can. And I watch yours and I'm like, okay. YouTube. You guys make it look so easy though.

unknown 1:24:08

It is.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:09

It is. Yeah. Just YouTube and Vision. Yeah. It's not that hard. My husband did everything. Yeah. All by watching YouTube videos and being like, either it works or it doesn't. And if it doesn't, you hire a professional. Yeah. Well, I mean he watch he does a lot of YouTube too. That's like, you know, a guy's best friend, I feel like. But I can't wait to see your guys's like, you know, once it comes all together. I know. I just posted we got glass yesterday and a full-length mirror, which is phenomenal. Yeah. But in my pictures, you can see that like I have to paint and dry there's drywall dust all over it. Well, it's a it's a process. Yeah. But it's gonna be so cool in the end because you guys know that you guys are the ones that made it what it is. You know what I mean? And it's a childhood home. So my parents live there, my grandma lives there, and we live there. And my oldest is already talking about like, well, I'm gonna live in the big house and you can live where Gigi lives. And yeah, like it's just that's so awesome. We call it the compound and it will stay in our family, I hope. Yeah. So that's amazing.

unknown 1:25:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:10

Well, I am so happy that everything has like turned out the way it has for you. Like everything you you seem like you're in such a good place and stuff now. So you would never know that all those things occurred. Well, and it happened to get me to where I am. Yeah, like without without my oldest, I wouldn't have met my husband. Yeah. Because I wouldn't have been in the place looking for that. Yeah, exactly. And so everything led me to exactly where I need to be. And that's the way you have to look at life. Like I had hard times and I made poor decisions, and I was a terrible person at some points. But all led me to being a good person, being honest, being kind, and living the best married life with my best friend. Yeah. So it's all part of the plan. And you when you're going through it, you can't see that. No, no. You feel like you're in the thick of it because you are. You're drowning. But the uncomfortable moments, I feel like, are what like kind of bring you out on the other side and push you into like where you're supposed to be.