Oversharing About… Back to School, Cozy Season & Getting Cold Feet

Back to school season is here, fall is right around the corner, and we’re catching up on all the things — new routines, plans for the cooler months, what we’re looking forward to, and everything in between. 🍂

But then we get a little more vulnerable. With IVF transfer #2 getting closer, I’m opening up about something I didn’t really expect to feel… cold feet. After everything it took to get here, what happens when you suddenly start questioning if you’re actually ready to start all over again?

We’re talking motherhood, the freedom that comes as your kids get older, the guilt that comes with admitting you like this season of life, and the complicated feelings that can exist alongside wanting another baby.

As always, we’re oversharing. Grab a marg and hang with us. 🍹🤍

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

This is moms and marks uncensored. That was a good one. That was such a good one. Hello, guys. We're just so in sync. I know. I feel like we are today. Like the band. Yes. They came on the radio the other day, and Mila was like, which one is branch from Trolls? Oh, I didn't.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

I always I forgot about that. Yeah. You know, River hasn't watched Trolls. I always pass it and I'm like, you want to watch this? Because I think he'd be super into it. I think you would too. Speaking of old school music, this whole week I have been on a um oh my god, Taking Back Sunday spill cam. I just and I've gotten River into it. His favorite song right now, Your Soul Last Summer.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

Love that. I love that. Actually, on the way here, we were listening to Yobi. I know River likes this song. Uh if it means a lot to you.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Oh, he's obsessed. That's still his number one.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

Yeah. And I immediately thought of you guys. It popped up on my like DJ because we always use Spotify DJ. And it popped up on that. But I've actually been like in an old school Chris Brown mood.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

I saw Chris Brown in concert back in back in that time. My sisters were obsessed with him. He was like, and how old was I 11 or something? Yeah. He was like um dangling over us in the air on these things. So hot. And I thought, is this love? I had never um I was like so obsessed.

SPEAKER_01 1:28

I still am. Yeah. Have you seen the concerts that he's having right now?

SPEAKER_00 1:33

No, but I heard that he's like, he's making a comeback.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

He is just a piece of clothing away from penetration on the stage.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

He's yeah, he's very sexual man.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

I'm okay with it. Yeah, I'm okay with it too. He's something he can do whatever he wants. It's him and Usher in concert. I feel like it would be such a fun concert. And Usher doesn't age. No, like how does he still look the same? He looks great. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:59

Yeah. And he can freaking dance. Oh my gosh, right? The concert is. I mean they both can, but you know what I'm saying. Like Usher's old.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

Well, and there's not one song that comes on for either one of them that I'm no you don't love. I know. I feel like it would be such a good concert. Yeah, for sure. Speaking of concerts, um, well, I guess let's do highs and lows. And then I want to hear all about Zach Bryan. I almost said Zach Top. Also a good concert. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

Well, that would be my high was Zach Bryan. It was awesome. Okay, so we bought tickets where um, well, Tyler bought tickets where my nephew and my sisters and all of them had their tickets. Yeah. We get there. It's like the top of the top. Um, and if anyone knows me, I get very feiny. Well, and I just had that procedure. I was already freaking bleeding out. We get up to the top, and it the top seats, you know, they're like um, it's like the biggest incline.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

I sat down for two seconds, my hands were sweating. I started getting pale. I was like, I told him, we gotta go down. I can't, I can't sit up here. So we went down and it's called like the sky deck. It's on like the second floor, and it's where like the bar is and stuff, and they just have like high top little tables, and you can see like it's just a viewing deck, but you have to stand. And I was totally fine with that. Yeah, um, but we did that, and like just amazing. He's just a freaking phenomenal. He sounds exactly like he does and like live, and he's just so grateful. Total production, too. Like, he doesn't just hire, like, oh, here's a guitar, like it's like violinists. It's like, and it's these people that you look at and you're like, Did you get him on the side of the road?

SPEAKER_01 3:40

Like, you have so many musicians on stage like at once. Like, it seems like a like a oh just a party, like the energy is so high.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Well, so at the end, he always comes out to revival. He he does his encore to revival and it lasts for 20 minutes. He's introducing different people from his band, they're playing different solos, and he mixes in you know the lyrics from revival as he's doing it. Yeah, and um no, it's freaking insane. So that was a hundred percent my high. Um, my low, hmm, mentally just in a little bit of a funk, but we'll we'll get into that more. But yeah, yeah, not in the greatest place mentally. So that would be my low for sure.

SPEAKER_01 4:21

Well, on the bright side, you and Riv are like kind of twins today. They are kind of twins.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

Oh, my other high is we've made it. Her daughter, my son, out there playing. You know that what they say where you can like leave them in a room and you know what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_01 4:39

That's saying, yeah, we did it. And all you hear out there is just like little like clinks, like yeah, yeah. Just so cute. Yeah, so cute. Um, that's also a high of mine as well. It's like so sweet, and Mila was all excited. Um, she was like, she's like, it's kind of like I'm I'm babysitting. I said he's a baby. Um and and then that's what his manners are so good. He's like grown. I feel like since the last time I saw him, Christmas, like around Christmas, he's so grown. It's crazy. Um, so that is a high of mine. And also Mila and I are leaving after here to go to the water park, and it is like everyone's first day of school, so I feel like we're gonna have the water park almost to ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 5:23

And it's kind of gloomy today, so it won't be like as hot and bad, you know.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

No, that's kind of a low because my face makeup right now doesn't match my uh skin. Oh so I was hoping to get a little tan, and the UV is only one right now. Yeah, I haven't been putting on myself tanner, so I have kind of the same. Yeah, I'm a little I'm a little pasty paste. So yeah, no, no big lows right now that I can think of. That's good. Yeah, cooking's going good. I made those pumpkin cinnamon rolls this morning. I wanted to bring you one so bad, but they're full of gluten.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

Well, Tyler's like, I'm gonna, I gotta start following her. There's some good stuff, and I'm like, yeah, but don't think that I'm ever gonna freaking be that, buddy. Okay, don't raise your expectations too high. He's gonna be like, oh, make this, make that motherfucker.

SPEAKER_01 6:12

Well, we are making ready to enter the high fiber, high protein meal.

SPEAKER_00 6:15

Okay, well, that's our what we do every week. So um I do definitely want to see those.

SPEAKER_01 6:21

Those are coming, those are coming. A lot of people voted yes, so we'll go that route.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

They're just not anything that's like crazy pretty or like no, but that's literally what we try to do like all week. Yeah, we love bowls and steak. We're big steak people in this house. Like, I love it. And I used to hate steak. I used to be a chicken girl, and now I can hardly like I'm very weird about my chicken. Yeah, but always when I think like just steak, yeah, incorporate it somehow. Steak and sweet potatoes, we do that like so much. Steak salads. Oh, love a steak salad. Oh my god. Have you ever been to the Hudson in Sedona? No, it's a restaurant and it's kind of looking over like the Red Rocks and stuff, but they have one of the best steak salads I've ever had.

SPEAKER_01 7:06

I love a steak salad. Oh, so a steak cob. Oh, so good. So good. Yeah. And then steak Caesar. Oh yeah. Just steak on like Southwest. Oh yeah. Give me all of it. Anything. Anything steak. Oh yeah. You got it. Yeah, right up my alley.

SPEAKER_00 7:25

Well, um, everyone's going back to school. Crazy. Crazy because I feel like um, like my eyelash girl was like, I feel like I just came and it was the first day of the kids' summer, and now all of a sudden everyone's going back to school.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

The traffic's bad again. It's so bad. Um, I don't know what was going on in the 101 when or uh the I-17 when I left my house to come here. I-17 was all backed up. I was like, this I'm not prepared. I am not ready for this. Um it's crazy also because in the East Valley, they went back in July. Can you imagine sending your kids back, like going to recess in July?

SPEAKER_00 8:03

No, no, no, that's not.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

But they I think they do like a year-round schedule, but I just feel like it's it's already here. Yeah, I'm keeping my game plan uh is next week. We're still off on summer because I get to make my own schedule now. So we're gonna be home next week, and then we're doing a second grade recap week um the week after. So we're gonna just go over some of like the math, yeah, you know, language, things like that, and then we'll dive into our curriculum.

SPEAKER_00 8:32

A little refresher, which I feel like every year at regular school they should do that. There should always be like a little refresher.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

Yeah, yeah, like a little rusty.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

You guys haven't done this for a while. I don't remember if I was on last week and said that I chose the farm school or not. I can't remember. You were going to tour it. Okay, so I I we did choose that one. Um tell us about the tour. How did it my mom went with me? I had already seen it before, but I wanted my mom because she is the type that always brings up points. She's you know, she's very uh that way. So I was like, I need her because I don't want to go in and just like, you know, yeah, blindly make a decision. So afterwards I was like, so like what are your concerns? What are you? She's like, nothing, like it's a no-brainer. Well, I would definitely, you know. So yeah. So he will start there. We actually have the meet the teacher on Wednesday on my the morning of my birthday. So we'll start, we'll start there. Um, and then he'll start school on Friday. So he'll go on Monday, Wednesday, Fridays on half days.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

Okay. I was gonna ask like what the schedule was like. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

So I gave like the the notice to the other school, and then like this week was supposed to be his last week at the other school, and it was just confusing for him. He's like, I thought I'm going to a new school, and I'm like, I don't, I don't even care. Whatever. Yeah. It was a year-round school, so we didn't get summer. So I was like, this is our little week of summer break. So yeah, I am excited. I'm a little nervous just because you know, when kids go to a new place, but I'm like, he already cried for a month straight at the other place. I got this.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

I don't think he will. Like, I think now because he understands like what school is. Like, I remember when we were transitioning from daycare to pre-K. Yeah. And it was like, okay, like I go somewhere. I I trust these people, you know. Like, I like I know the drill now.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Yeah. I'm sure it'll plus I feel like it's not a classroom, like just a classroom setting. Like, there's so many things that he loves to do there, and he'll have a job and he'll like they have to water plants, they have to do all these things that he loves to do. So I feel like he's gonna be more in his element and be able to be more himself, which is like the goal, right? I don't want my kid to go somewhere and feel, yeah, like so. Um, yeah, that's that's what he's doing, and we'll be saving $480 a month. So I'm like, let's go, baby.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

Yeah, yeah, that's huge.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

Yeah, I am excited. One of his field trips, they're gonna go to a senior living home during Halloween and they're gonna trick-or-treat. You stop it right now, and I'm like, that is so cute. So I have um a couple friends that have their kids there too. So I feel good about that. So yeah, he'll start that next week. Yeah. My birthday. I don't really know what I'm gonna do for my like on my actual birthday. Like, we're gonna take him. I know we're gonna take him there in the morning to do that. Okay. Um, but then my mom's like, you know, because Tyler will be working. I'm like, I guess we could just go do whatever the heck we want. Because then on Saturday, my sister is coming up. My other sister, she's listening, you're lame. My mom offered to fly her out, and she's just got too much going on. Oh my god. Um, my mom's taking us all to a spa day. So fun. I'm like, you're passing up on a free flight and a spa day for my birthday. She has to be. I'm leaving to Spain because she's leaving to Spain soon to take my nephew for his you know year abroad. But I'm like, Piach, it's like you're gonna be here for like 48 hours and it's a flight. I know. So we are um gonna do that at the wigwam. Okay, yeah, yeah. We're getting like an hour facial, an hour massage, a hair wash, and a blow dry, and then they give you lunch. Like, yeah, okay. So I'm very excited. Yeah, it's gonna be the perfect spa day next weekend. Next weekend, and then this weekend, I think I want to go see Spider-Man. Yeah, I haven't seen any trailers, previews, no, it's so weird.

SPEAKER_01 12:38

Okay, but I think but I love going to the movie. Same. I think it's because you, I mean, it's all you watch Streaming Network, yeah. Um Mila and I go to the movies all the time, so I feel like I've seen the preview a million times, but it looks really good.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

So that's I love all the Spider-Man movies, and I love going to the movie, period. So I've been waiting for just something mid decent, I don't care. So um give me a big diet coke and popcorn. And oh, I'm like, yeah, I'm I think that's and I've been wanting to go bowling. Let's go on when let's go on your birthday. I'm like, I want to go bowling so bad. And the kid in me, like I love um arcades.

SPEAKER_01 13:15

Okay, wait, wait, actually. We went to main event. We can let's go to main event. They have laser tag.

SPEAKER_00 13:21

Oh, I love laser tag and bowling, yeah, and an arcade. And what's this new place? Um, it's not an arcade, but it opened over here in surprise, and it's like the jump place, but it has the slides and different stuff too. Um it's not Slick City, right? It's kind of like that. It just opened over here. Urban Air? We went to Urban Air last he's never been to a place like that, but I'm like, okay, when the kids are in school, yeah, um, Mila needs a little field trip day. Let's take them because I I haven't been wanting to go because it's been packed because Urban Air he would really like.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

Um, so obviously trampolines, they also have like the like you can like hook up and like rock climb or like climb on like these like little things. And then they also have one like where you can like hook up and like like uh swing across whatever. Yeah, Urban Air is fun, slick city's a blast. Also, um, I think he would also really like Uptown Jungle.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

Yeah, because he's like just an adrenaline junky little kid, and I've never taken him to any jump places or let's go. I mean, he's gone to uh Ninja Kids also is another one. Spack lots in Norterra, like the arcade, he loves arcades, but um he doesn't even really know what he's doing.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

He's just like Mila just likes to go on the motorcycles. I'm like, I want to do freaking claw games. I want to win tickets, so I'm like, can you get off the motorcycle?

SPEAKER_00 14:38

We're using up our well, and then he's dropping the claw, and my mom and I are like, You don't even know what you're doing. And then somehow he always gets something, and we're like, Oh, maybe you should shut up. He's on to something.

SPEAKER_01 14:47

There's a uh Kids Empire is the one that's next to our house, and they have a rubber ducky claw machine. Yeah, but it's play till you win. Oh, amazing, smart, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:59

Yeah, he always gets a rubber ducky. I love it. We went to um Flagstaff Williams for my brother's birthday trip too, and we went to that brewery and upstairs is the arcade, so I had my niece, I was like, take him up there, and he kept winning freaking rubber duckies. I'm like amazing, yeah, yeah. I love it. Speaking of my niece, she's gonna be a senior this year. Oh my god. My nephew is gonna be a sophomore, and then my other nephew is studying abroad in Spain, yeah. But I'm like thinking, like, what is I I'm looking at her and I'm like, the trends in San Diego, she goes to school in San Diego and she's gonna be a senior. Um, it changes. It's either the really short, freaking booty cheeks out of the jeans shorts with these tiny little crop tops.

SPEAKER_01 15:41

The ones that are like four inches, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

And I'll tell her, like, pull your shorts down. But then I'm thinking about me, and I'm like, oh back then. Yeah, like I was such a mama. Same. Or it's really baggy jeans with really small crop tops. And I'm like, I would have been, I got dress coded for everything.

SPEAKER_01 15:58

Dude, I wore, I will never forget, I think I I definitely wore this my freshman year. And I just maybe it was my first day of school, either freshman or sophomore year. It was a bubble dress. Dude, it was tied at the bottom, it was tight at the bottom, and like, but like tight like over my over my butt, you know? Like, and then it like bubbled out a little bit. Super v-neck. I wore a white shirt under it. Oh yeah, because it's out for sure. Yeah, and a headband. And I'm like, what was I where was I going to the club? I I'm literally I'm going to geometry.

SPEAKER_00 16:33

And Joy always dress coated me. She had a thing out for me, and she freaking around with my dad after me. She's like, fingers on the on the you know, the straps, the straps. And I'm thinking now, these kids they don't get dress coated. No, because I asked my auntie, I'm like, how? How are you not getting dress coded? Your belly's out, your butt's out, everything's out.

SPEAKER_01 16:52

Yeah, they don't do that anymore. No, like a little like string. Yeah, yeah. It's crazy to see. Like they were crop tops in school now.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

Yeah, and I'm like, what? Like, yeah, it just seems like that's the style. Like baggy jeans with a small shirt. I mean, that's cute. I think that's I do, yeah. I like that style. Yeah, I that would be my um I want a new style. You know, like what? I don't know. I just want to go shopping and just get things that I'm like just go totally against my regular routine.

SPEAKER_01 17:24

You know, actually, we had Poppy on the podcast. Poppy has really good style. She does. I think like when you look, I don't want to say old money, but you know what I mean? Like, oh yeah, like put yourself together, like you just always like look because I think it just exudes confidence.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

But then I feel like when I do that, it just does it feel like it doesn't feel like me or something, or it feels forced, or it feels like I'm doing too much.

SPEAKER_01 17:50

Like it looks like it fit yeah her. I'm like, you look, you look so good. I hope she's listening. Hi. Um but yeah, like, but when I do get ready like that, I'm like, you bad bitch, I love you. Yeah. But like it does feel like I'm it's too like I can't get myself to go in my closet and put together like a no two-piece set.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

I'd rather almost look like I wasn't trying like like I'm like less, like, but are we like so stuck in that as like millennial mom?

SPEAKER_01 18:18

Like that we need to wear athleisure. Yeah. Because like that's all I live in is athletic.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

Me too. But then when I do like get dressed and I have like, what would you call them? They're not trouser pants, but like, you know, those like kind of um, I love them, and I wear like a cute top or something, I'm like, oh, look at you. Don't you like go out and you're like, I look so good. Yeah, yes, and I'll get a lot of compliments. So it's like, oh, I know that this is like a good yeah, but my go, I just you just go to what you feel comfortable and what you're used to. And that's why I would just want to go shopping once and just like don't get your regular stuff.

SPEAKER_01 18:51

Do you feel like it's easier though during fall? I feel like I can put together the cutest outfits, like overalls and like a lace top underneath, or like fall is my jam. I can put together some super cute outfits, but during summer, I really struggle with like putting together like so fucking hot put together outfit.

SPEAKER_00 19:09

No, it's a tied up t-shirt and freaking leggings for me most of the time or a crop top leggings. Um yeah, no, winter is so much because you can layer and do different things too. So I feel like it's like which fall. I feel like it's so close because it's gonna, it's gonna be close, but like tonight first preseason game is tonight, and I think that's what's like. But I told Tyler last night, I was like, oh, just imagine this, right? Because this is my fall aesthetic. You know, this is my the lights are dim, there's a candle going, there's food in the crock pot, the backslider doors are open, football's playing on the TV, it's cold, we're in sweaters and sweatpants. We can go on walks again. We can go on walks, we can leave our house, we can, yeah, like you don't get in the car. Go eat dinner on a patio at a restaurant. Oh my gosh, you are this is like saying walk in front of a dog right now. Like, like, but doesn't that just like I don't want to say it's it's the feeling of nostalgia because it's just like you crave it. It's like, oh my god, that's yes, peak quality of life during fall when it's like that. Halloween. I love when everything like and the colors are changing and there's Halloween movies on and it's spooky and it's well the colors aren't changing here, but for some reason in my head they are. Yeah, there's leaves falling, they're dead, but I'm like, oh, look at the leaves falling. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:38

There's just like a like a chill in the morning. Oh, it's so good. I can't wait, dude. I just cannot wait. As soon as I'm like, okay, football is back on the schedule. Ish, ish, we're close. Yeah, we're close enough. We're close enough. I'm like, the fact that we get to turn on tonight and watch this Hall of Fame game. I don't care who, I don't care what's going on.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

Yeah. If we just get through August and September, then I feel like we've made it. We made it. Like we've we've done it. We're here. Well, and pumpkin gets released at the end of August always. And I actually last year was like my first year of liking pumpkin stuff.

SPEAKER_01 21:13

Like pumpkin cold brew.

SPEAKER_00 21:15

I used to despise it. And now I'm like, I like it, it's gotta be subtle. I don't like an extreme, like, um, but yeah, just all the fall drinks and oh god.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

It's so funny. My neighbor, we're friends on Instagram, and she always goes to like Rocky Point, and she was like, all these people posting about fall coming. She's like, I'm not done like with my beach days in Rocky Point. And I was like, Meanwhile, your neighbor's over here making pumpkin cinnamon.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

Yeah, like I want literally, I can't wait. I I mean if I was on a beach in Rocky Point, I would I would soon be able to do that. It wouldn't be mad. But but it's time.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

It's time. It's time. I had my summer.

SPEAKER_00 21:51

I was on the river a good amount this summer. That's like my summer visual, you know. But I'm like, now it's It's time to transition. It is. We went to when we went to Flag and like the nights were cooler and we were sitting on the patio. I was like, yeah, there's something you crave about just being able to be outside to if you live in Arizona, you know it. It's like you can't, like, we're so limited. Like I want to take River to do cool stuff this week, but I'm like, well, I can't do anything outside. I just got my blood work back yesterday.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

Yeah, yesterday. I saw that. And um, my vitamin D levels at the bottom, it was like maybe recommend an hour or two outside a day. I'm like, no, my name is always low. I can't. Yeah, I can't do that. I'm sorry. Like, well, I mean, we're going into like my hiking. I'm a big hiker.

SPEAKER_00 22:37

But it's like, do you want me to have higher vitamin D or do you want me to have a heat stroke? Because that's what we're dabbling between. It's a fine line.

SPEAKER_01 22:44

Hopefully, it just builds today at the water park and I can store it up. Yeah. Just soak it in. Just soak it all in. Just lather up with some oil and really soak it up. Like, excuse me, I'm trying to get my vitamin D today. Thank you. But I have to say, that was like the coolest. So it's I wasn't paid to do it. I'm paying out of pocket. It's $80 a month, but you can skip up to three months. Yeah. So that's what I'm doing, like blood work every quarter. That's smart though. But it's the coolest thing because like you literally take this thing, you stick it to your arm, and you like screw this tube at the end of it, and you just push the button, and then your blood like goes into the tube.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

I've been seeing it a lot online too. So legit. I would totally do it. I mean, I get so much blood work through IVF that I yeah don't need to, but on a regular basis, yeah. Because so many people like don't go as often as they should.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

No, no, well, and I found out like certain things that I was like, oh wow, like that level. There was like one with like bone and liver health. Um, that basically was like your bone turnover. It was like liver health. I was like, I'm not drinking like that. What do you mean? Yeah. But it was not due to that. It was like basically like I'm not getting enough nutrients in my food. Um, which makes sense because like I am notorious for like I fast and then like I'm like I nibble on dinner and like I'm go, go, go all the time, and like I don't eat enough. Yeah. Um, so it was like, hey, like when you are eating, I need you to like focus on your nutrient, like I like mineral dense, protein dense, like you know, fiber dense. So like it's stuff like that that people wouldn't think of. That I was like, okay, this is really important to like get this so I know what I'm doing because it does affect your bones and your organs.

SPEAKER_00 24:19

Well, and when you're eating healthy, like I eat healthy, so I just assume I'm healthy. But like my family's like, you eat like a bird though. Like you're picking here, you don't eat all day, then you eat dinner and you pick, like that doesn't just just because you're eating healthy doesn't mean that you're overall healthy. That you're healthy. There's a misconception there. So I'm like, yeah, I am notorious for that.

SPEAKER_01 24:36

So when especially because we're like, oh, high protein. I'm like, but are you getting your zinc?

SPEAKER_00 24:40

Are you getting your calcium? Or are you getting calcium? Fiber is a big fiber, it's a big one. Like, um, I really try and focus on that just because especially when fiber and protein together, that's like the the dual it's too much protein, and then like that, then we look at the uh and you need healthy fats, yes. You know, don't try to avoid fats because you need the healthy ones. Yeah, it's all add that to the list of stressors. Add that to the list, okay.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

Are you drinking enough water? Yeah, dang it. So let's go back to fall for a minute. So, what do you want? And let's combine fall and winter because they're all the same in Arizona. So, what do you want to do this fall and winter? Like, what are some things on your bucket list?

SPEAKER_00 25:20

I really um but again, this is the turn. I want to go to Disneyland during either Halloween or Christmas time, just because like I'm not a big Disney person, but now that river's like you will be. Oh, yeah, I know. But like the last time I went to Disney, I was pregnant with River, and I was a fool and thought I could ride so much stuff. Okay, okay. No, I sat out while my whole family was enjoying their whole time, yeah, and I only could go on like six things, yeah. And so um technically, I didn't know this, but Disney Halloween season starts August 21st. What? Yeah, we saw that yesterday in Mama Mom and I. But I was like, I'm not going again. Like, if I'm pregnant, I'm not, yeah, I won't waste the money. Yeah. But I was like, if I'm not, I want to go. I want to do the whole like, and I think it would be cool. I obviously think it'd be awesome at Christmas. Yeah. But something about the Disney when they or the um Halloween when they show it, I'm like, haunted mansion. That's itching something in me there. I want to, I want to kind of go during the Halloween. And my mom loves Halloween, so I think it would be like, yeah. So I want to do that. Um, I want to go up north to like a cabin more. Yeah. Because freaking Flax off is an hour and a half away. I don't know why we don't go more. Every time I'm up there, it's like I'm hardly on my phone. My cup is filled back up. I'm, you know, you're walking around, the pine, it just re-sparks something in you.

SPEAKER_01 26:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:51

And especially during those fall and winter months. So because the leaves actually change. Oh, yeah. I would say those are like top two things. Yeah. Um, and camping. I want to camp more. I love camping, especially during those cooler months. I don't know why every year goes by and then I just don't do it.

SPEAKER_01 27:11

So I'm like, okay, we gotta Yeah, we always reserve camping for summer, and I don't know why. Because it's, I mean, I love a fire. Like I love, you know, like I want my favorite part. All of that bundling up and being cozy. And um, I love that you mentioned Disneyland because actually, um, as like the years go on, I mean Mila talk a little bit more about like not doing gifts. Yeah. Because I'm like, Mila, every time we load you up and then like it all goes to goodwill. And like I'm over it, I'm like, how about we uh so she wants to do Disney World because we just did Disneyland on her seventh birthday. Yeah. And um, it was so fun. Like she was able to go on like everything, yeah. Um, and it was uh honestly, I I didn't think I loved Disney as much as I love Disney. Yeah. Um, but I was I can't even tell you how much like how happy I was the entire time I was there. Like we had the greatest trip. So she really wants to do Disney World though, um, around Christmas. And I'm like, I don't know if I can that wrangle that uh this year, because this that's a huge trip. I mean, because obviously you're flying to Orlando. It's a freaking, you gotta pull out like a second loan, literally. And but they have like they have the Elsa ride. Yeah, like they have they have so much go like over there. So, but if I can like pull a Disney trip by the end of the year, like even just like Disneyland again, that would be incredible.

SPEAKER_00 28:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

Um, but no, I I'm gonna see if we can make it happen. We really want to do a trip to New York. That's like number one on my bucket list, and it's been there forever. So um, I think me, my mom, and Mila are gonna try and get a trip together and go. Yeah. Um, a little bit closer, obviously. I want to see the trip, I want the entire Christmas experience. It's been on my bucket list for so many years, and I feel like every year comes by and I'm like, next year, next year. But like that was the big one for me and my grandma before she passed, whereas me and her were gonna go. Um, and I just keep letting the years go by without doing it. So my sister and parents went last year.

SPEAKER_00 29:11

I remember she's like, You have to do it. Like it's just something you have to experience in your lifetime.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

Like, there's nothing like it. Yeah. So I'm like, even like I would love to do a solo trip. I keep even thinking about doing that. Oh yeah. I love a solo trip though. You don't like solo? She wants to be on a date line. Oh my god, I love doing anything alone.

SPEAKER_00 29:33

I like doing stuff alone in my in my bubble. I don't know that I could go on a trip by myself.

SPEAKER_01 29:38

I'd be like Kevin lost to New York. Yeah. That's fine.

SPEAKER_00 29:43

Freaking get mugged or kidnapped. I do you know how many single women are in New York living their life? But they're in their little bubble, they know their range, they know their limits. Did you know I yelled some lady'd be like, um, honey, I need your help. And you'd be like, Okay, okay. No, I wouldn't. Like a kid being pulled into a candy drop. Okay, whatever you're okay, sure.

SPEAKER_01 30:09

You want me to cook you something? No, I would not. Oh my god. I I can I yelled, guys. I I have to confess something this morning. So I don't have road rage. I'm a pretty chill person. Um this morning, I was in the left-hand turn lane, and I was in the left-hand turn lane because I was turning into BlackRock. But that left-hand turn lane is also the turn lane for 7th Avenue in Dunlap. Oh. And you know what you can do? You can go around me because I that's the way also to get into BlackRock. So I'm in that lane, car behind me. I see the guy's hands waving out the window. Oh, and at that point, I haven't had my caffeine. Yeah, like I'm irritated. Yeah. Um, and there's cars, I can't turn. So I'm just I'm taking forever. Yeah. He just is increasingly getting so mad at me. And I rolled down my window and I was like, what? Yeah. And he was like, and he had an accent, you jackass. And then I was like, I just I couldn't help it. I was like, fuck you. Yeah. Like, and I just started yelling at him. And I was, I don't know what came over me. So with that being said, I would survive in New York.

SPEAKER_00 31:14

You could pull it off. You could do it when you had to. Dude, that's me every day in the car. Like, literally, my sister and I will be on the phone, and it's her going, Move it, motherfucker. And then it's me being like, What the fuck? Like, and then River will even be like, Move out of the way, lady. Got him going. I'm like, oh great.

SPEAKER_01 31:32

Mila learned from Taylor how to have road rage. So she's like, look at all these clowns on the road, don't know how to drive. And I can't so like River will be like, What the hell is that lady doing?

SPEAKER_00 31:43

I'm like, oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Here, what have we created?

SPEAKER_01 31:48

No, I yeah. So, anyways, I would be fine. I would survive in the big apple. You could do it. Just fine. Okay. If you say so. And I kind of want to do another, you need to take him to the North Pole experience. I know.

SPEAKER_00 32:01

Well, so because last year, remember we went to um the little American flags after Thanksgiving. Yeah. And we were just talking about like we have to um like make that a tradition, like go every year, even if it's not around Thanksgiving, but like somewhere in the cooler. The hotel is magical. Yeah. Well, it just felt so like yeah, nostalgic. It was just so um cozy, all the things. So we're like, but wait till you see it set up for Christmas. Oh, I know. It was well, that's the thing. Around Christmas time, we say this every year. We want to get like a cabin or something, like a week before Christmas or something, or um go to some kind of like really Christmassy town. Yeah, like that's set up like yeah, I don't know. Just all the things. So hold me accountable here and remind me that I said this because it comes around and then I like skip past it every year, and then the months fly by.

SPEAKER_01 32:57

Yeah, so this is us vowing not to spend stupid money on other stuff and to put it towards trips. I'm gonna try to make coffee at home. Oh, I'm not going that far. Come on now.

SPEAKER_00 33:10

What else could I I'm saving $480 a month on my kids' okay, okay. I'm I'm up right now. That is that's Christmas. So I should just save money. Don't I in my head though, I'm like, oh, target. Oh, no, I can go to Target where free money. Just save that money. I should just do that. Every month, that money that I was gonna pay to the tuition, like physically pull it out of my account so I can see it visually and put it in the safe and be like, stack it.

SPEAKER_01 33:36

Yeah, yes, I think that's a good idea. Yeah, I can do it.

SPEAKER_00 33:42

So after this, I'm going shopping with my mom, and then we have to spend the night at my mom's tonight because I have doctors' appointments in like deep Scottsdale so early in the morning that um if I were to like stay here and have to drop river off at my mom's and all the traffic and everything, I'd have to leave at like 5 45.

SPEAKER_01 34:01

Happy Valley traffic is a nightmare right now. So the construction.

SPEAKER_00 34:04

Yeah, yeah. And then driving to Scottsdale at that time is gonna be terrible too. So we're having a little sleepover at my mom.

SPEAKER_01 34:12

Tell us about your appointment tomorrow. Tell us how you're feeling.

SPEAKER_00 34:14

The appointment tomorrow is like five things in one type of thing. Um to see if I can move forward with the timeline of August 31st for the transfer. Um, but yeah, I'm honestly having cold feet. I think there's a part of me that is hoping tomorrow that they tell me, you know, we can't move forward as planned. And that sounds terrible. I know how that sounds to say out loud. But um, like I told you before this, I think like admitting that if someone out there is feeling that way, I hope I hope they hear this because I am just so tired of everything being glorified through this process, or just in general, postpartum, whatever it is. It's always like you feel like you you can't say these things that you're really thinking, you know, or that you're really feeling. And so then we end up just like uh holding them in and going through with things uh with those feelings inside, and it's just not healthy. So um, yeah, I I was up a lot last night, just really having a hard time with this whole process. Yeah, the shots, all that, I can do it. It's not the fact that I can't, it's the fact that like I'm going to be bringing another human being into our world. Yeah. And I feel like I finally just got at a good place with River and a good place with my life where I can start pulling back some of my independence and some of the like passions and things that I have been wanting to kind of like put into motion that I've been putting off because I've been raising a toddler and I've still been struggling with postpartum. It's like I feel like I finally have like come out in the light and just been like, I'm in such a good place. Finding a rhythm as a family. Yeah. And um my marriage is in a good place, everything's in a good place right now. And as bad and as selfish as it sounds, I feel like bringing in another kid, like things are gonna get rocky. Am I gonna go through postpartum again? Am I gonna go through all those emotions and all those feelings? Can my marriage survive that again? Um, now it's not just me going through postpartum and Tyler having to go through that. It's Rivers now involved. Am I gonna be able to show it for him the way that I'm supposed to? Um, it's also just starting that newborn clock over again, you know? Like I said right now, they're out there playing like that. Um he's getting ready to go to school where I have time to myself, time to work on the things that I want to work on and my career and passions. And and you're starting that clock all over. You're going back to newborn, thick of it. And then I'm splitting my time. And selfishly, I like just being able to put all my energy into him right now, as far as like I don't have to worry about, you know, yes, in the grand scheme of things, adding another child and giving him a sibling. Yeah, that's always been the goal. Yeah, but I think that if uh my process was different and I could just get pregnant regularly, um that would have just already happened naturally. And um the way that I do have to do it does make my perspective and everything change. So I'm grappling with am I having second thoughts? Am I just having cold feet? Like what? I I can't figure out what and you know me, I like to have a plan, I like to know what I'm so I'm very much so struggling.

SPEAKER_01 37:51

Very much so. And obviously, like I can only I I love having an only child. So, like obviously, my angle is gonna come from that. Like, I I love everything that comes with having an only child, and my daughter loves also being an only child, so um she gets really her social battery wears out pretty quick. So um I I just know that what you just said though is gonna resonate with a lot of people. And I honestly think a lot of people when it comes to having a second deal with these thoughts and emotions. Yeah. Um, I heard something the other day from a friend and she said that it's not about like how you're feeling right now, but like it's imagining Christmas 20 years from now. Yeah. You know, uh, like how does the table around you look? Yeah. Is it, you know, your kids and their husbands or and wives and their kids and everyone crowding around at your house, like opening up presents? Like, can you sacrifice those feelings and emotions right now for that outcome down the road? Yeah. And is that what you want? But also in the same token, is your mental health worth it? Yeah. Are you going to be able to sort of like show up? So your kids want to come home for Christmas. Yeah. Are you gonna be able to be that mom or are you it yeah, you know, like so? I feel like there's so many things that go into it, but at the end of the day, you know you best and you know what you can mentally handle best. I know um we bonded over the fact that postpartum was really hard for both of us. Yeah. And it's not, and same thing, it was like through my child being four years old, um, where I just I was just mentally tapped. I was done. Yeah. Um, and finding the light again is like something I'll never take lightly. So I can only imagine how you're feeling of like, hey, I'm just now seeing that, and I I never want to see the darkness of that again. Yeah. Oh my god, we just got shot. River James. That scared me.

SPEAKER_00 39:46

That was not my idea.

SPEAKER_01 39:49

Oh, what are you doing? Here they come.

SPEAKER_00 39:54

We have like we're almost done, okay? Can you go play real quick and we'll we'll be done? Five minutes? Okay. Don't be shooting her in the face or anything.

unknown 40:07

Right.

SPEAKER_00 40:08

No, but yeah, that's the problem, isn't it? And I think like as moms, we are wired to like make sacrifices. I get that. That's what you're supposed to do. But there's some sacrifices that it's just like if I make that sacrifice of my mental health, I am actually um putting my family in a worse spot. You know what I mean? So I don't know. Maybe if I went through I got pregnant regularly and I never had postpartum very bad, and yeah, I probably have fucking four kids right now, you know? Yeah. But things change and plans change, and um I know that it's like what you're supposed to do, like continue having kids, and it's always been my plan, it's always been my vision. But um, every kid is so different. Like she could come and you could she could just be like, yeah, just the easiest little yeah. But um, I don't know, it's just having those feelings. I don't I want to be certain about things before I do them. Yeah, because I want to be able to make sure that I can give them my all. And and especially with the kid, like I don't want to go into it not knowing if this is what I want. So um it's all just happening really fast too. And with IVF, like you don't really have that grace or that time to really like, okay, I'm just gonna take a little beat here. No, it's like I got my calendar yesterday, and it's like, no, you're this is what's happening.

SPEAKER_01 41:32

Dude, you went from I we're considering it to uh we're on a schedule now.

SPEAKER_00 41:36

Yeah, and so okay, have her help you get it. It's the Flintstone ones, just one of them. He's gonna eat a whole bottle of Flintstone vitamins right now.

SPEAKER_01 41:53

Hey, at least he'll have more minerals and nutrients than me.

SPEAKER_00 41:57

He'll get his vitamins, yeah. But yeah, I don't know. I think that the more though that we can be honest about the feelings that aren't so um like beautiful and like, oh, they look so good online and everything's perfect and this and that, like we gotta stop that. I I if anything, like, especially moms, especially parents in general. Um, because we're seeing more and more, like even you know, different cases that are in the news right now, like there's such a lack of like resources and space for people to come and just be like, hey, I'm struggling. I'm struggling with this. Because as a mom, you feel like you're not supposed to say those things, you're not supposed to do that. So um you're not paying them or anything.

SPEAKER_01 42:48

No, we're recording right now.

SPEAKER_00 42:50

I think you're putting that place to be out in a couple minutes. So yeah, I just want to be uh honest and vulnerable, even if it doesn't paint me in the best light, mom light.

SPEAKER_01 43:05

I think every I think a lot of people will will relate to what you just said. I I mean, whether it's one, whether it's three, four, I mean, that's one of the biggest things that people talk about is losing themselves and finding themselves again. Um, but I also have heard like the second one is easier in that in that sense because like you know more of what to expect. I think the biggest thing that we deal with as moms is the shock from no kids to one kid. Yeah. Because people talk about, you know, the newborn snuggles, the this, the that. They don't talk about how much, you know, like how it can be. Oh, that scared me. I like what is happening out there. Um, they don't talk about how you know you finally fall asleep after, you know, little one being up, and then you hear like the eh out of 15 minutes later like thinking like, oh, how can I do this? Yeah, how can this be? No, I know. Um I you can navigate it a lot, a lot easier. But yeah, I don't know. I mean, I think that there's a lot that goes into it and there is no right, yeah. It's just it's what the only right decision is the one that you ultimately pick because it's your body, yeah, and it's your family.

SPEAKER_00 44:16

I think I've just honestly been praying to God, like, hey, like whatever's like meant for me, let it be. And um, like give me a little bit of a sign here. Yeah, because I like, I don't know. I need I need some guidance. I need some not a nut. Something. I need a full-blown sign. Full-blown push.

unknown 44:39

Okay. Go get it.

SPEAKER_00 44:44

But yeah, so on that note, um, the kids are the kids are itching for us, but I don't I don't know what this path will look like for me. So I'll go to my appointments in the morning. Um maybe I'll get a little more clarity there, you know? Maybe I'll be cleared and I'll feel like relieved. Yeah. Like I'm looking for something, right? I'm just looking for something to speak to me.

SPEAKER_01 45:07

Are we doing a birthday episode? Not on your birthday. Obviously.

SPEAKER_00 45:12

I mean, we can get if you're free on your birthday, of course. But I have his meet the teacher on the morning of my birthday. But yeah, we could like either Tuesday or Thursday. Yeah, we could do it.

SPEAKER_01 45:22

Let's do it. Do a little birthday episode. Yeah, we can even shall we take them to Elevate or Wild Pine or Oh yeah, record from there.

SPEAKER_00 45:32

That would be fun. It'd be chaotic, but it would be fun. It would we need to find one of those places where it's like a play place and they have a coffee shop in them. I know Elevate's not a play place, but there's more room for them to roam. Yeah, yeah. We'll figure it out. And then I want to take him. Um maybe we can take them both soon next Friday. It doesn't have to be next Friday, but next Friday, the Paw Patrol Dino movie comes out in theaters. I want to take him soon because he's never been to the actual movie theater. He has, yeah, and he loves Paw Patrol, so yeah. And he loves that would be the perfect one. So soon we'll do that. But um, yeah, I guess we'll just uh it'll be a mystery. We'll see you next week and we'll see you soon. Yeah, this journey. We will, yeah. All right, love you guys, and we'll talk next week. Talk to you then. Bye. Aye.