Welcome to Raising Hustle, the unfiltered podcast for the moms who are building empires with babies on their hips and grits in their hearts. I'm your host, Mariel Fry, bookkeeper by trade, hustler by nature, and mama by choice. Around here we're raising kids, raising hell, and raising the bar. If you're tired of choosing between nap time and next level dreams, this is your space. Let's redefine what it means to have it all on our own damn terms. Hey mamas, welcome back to Raising Hustle, where today's episode is really talking about the honest communication of motherhood. Becoming a mother doesn't just change your schedule, it changes your voice. I'm really excited to talk about all of this because once you have a baby, it strips away the fluff, the people-pleasing, the lip service, the BS, the emotional gymnastics that we're so used to to keep everybody comfortable, safe, and for us to be nice. Because I really want to talk about in today's episode why moms need to stop sugarcoating, how honesty becomes truly our survival, and how direct communication isn't harsh. It's actually super healthy. Because for me, I hope you come out of this shifting into motherhood and just being very clear and communicative in terms of your wants, needs, and desires. Number one, motherhood ends the era of hinting. I hate this. We are not a guessing game. I do not have a magic eight ball. Enough is enough of this nonsense. I think some people in my life think I'm probably really rude because I'm direct. And that's fine if you feel that way. But I don't care. I'm actually doing this to be respectful of people's time and energy. I need to be direct because I don't have time to dilly-dally. I don't have time to people please you. I don't have time to guess. I don't have time to make assumptions. I believe clarity saves time, the mental load, and any kind of resentment. You need to communicate this. You need to stop hinting at what you want. You need to stop beating around the bush of what you want. It's fucking exhausting. Let's just be real. Communication is something that bothers me a lot. So I'm really excited to talk about it in this episode today. But I just need to be direct with people. I need to be no nonsense. I need to be very clear who, what, when, where, why, and how. Like we almost need to go back to that. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And again, I'm sure people think me being super direct is not nice, but I'm direct in a way where I'm just being very clear and communicative on my needs, wants, and desires. And mommas, you should want that for yourself too. Because it's exhausting trying to be nice and it's exhausting trying to please everybody. And it's exhausting when you don't get your way or feel like you're getting your way. So we need to stop this nonsense of hinting at what we want or trying to make people guess what we want or play games of what we want. No, we need to stop and just be very direct and very clear. I want this. I need this. Can you help me? I know that's very direct, and I'm really being punchy on this. I just really believe in this with all my heart. Number two, losing the filter and gaining the confidence. So I am just so done with a lot of this. And I just believe moms need to speak up and we need to talk and communicate. And I will say this throughout the whole episode: communicate, communicate, communicate, but it's so true. Because I think now that I've become a mother, I've had to really trust my own gut even more because now I'm responsible for not just myself, but for somebody else. And I will go to any length to protect my son. And I will not tolerate anything less than that. And I'm not afraid to protect my peace and to protect my sanity. I am not afraid to tell people this is exactly what I need right now. I need a babysitter these days. Like when I tell my babysitter, I need you here at nine o'clock, you damn well better be here at nine o'clock. If you can't be here or you're late, that's one thing. So I don't want to sound harsh. But I am paying you to come here. And I am not afraid to be direct in that sense. And I feel a lot more confident to delegate and direct versus being scared and afraid of, ooh, like you're gonna be 30 minutes late. Ooh, like all the time. Like that doesn't work, right? It's okay to be late occasionally. I'm not saying that. But generally speaking, like I'm gonna go from this shift mindset of not what will they think of me, but this is what I need. And if you don't like it, like I can't change you. You can't change me. I'm not going to apologize for it. I'm sick of apologizing and trying to like be nice. I feel like I've had to deal with that a lot personally, where I've been very direct with people and I've made people upset and I've had to apologize. And I'm so fucking sick of it. Like, yeah, I don't have a filter sometimes. And look, I admit when I'm wrong. I'll be very clear. If I say something wrong or I'm in the wrong, I am the first to tell you I'm wrong. But the avoidant behavior is not something I'm gonna tolerate anymore. If someone avoids me, like clearly that's a problem. And that's not a me problem, it's a you problem. I reach out, I follow through, I do everything right. And I'm just done. I'm done not speaking up and saying what I want. I'm gonna be very clear and I'm going to be very direct. Like I told my husband recently, we started baby proofing our house. And I'm like, I'm gonna hire someone if you're not able to do this. If you can do this, that would be amazing. And if you can't, I will hire someone, like no problem. And that is how I'm able to build more confidence, be very clear and concise of my needs, and not be afraid. And for some people, that might feel really intimidating because it's not you. But I want you to channel that a little bit more and I challenge you to like be more you and speak up because as women, it's really hard. But I don't want you to be afraid of that ever. You have to speak up your needs, your wants. Otherwise, you will crumble and you will break down. And I've been there and it sucks. But I promise you, just be direct and you'll gain more confidence. Number three, from people pleasing to self-preserving. So as a mom, I feel like we're always over-explaining and over-communicating sometimes. We're trying to like explain a list, explain how things are done, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm done trying to please everybody in my life. I'm trying to be done pleasing a million personalities. It's never gonna work. I'm tired of trying to, especially moms, we're trying to remember like birthday gifts, holiday gifts. We're trying to remember being thoughtful and kind and so nice and so sweet. I'm done with a lot of that. I'll still be nice and I'll still be sweet, but there is something that has to give. I need to preserve my energy and my time because I will always choose my clarity over any comfort. And I'm just not afraid to say no anymore. My husband and I talk about this a lot, where like we talk about how we're siloing ourselves and being a little bit selfish. And for our family, I think of my in-laws who moved away from their family in England and their whole goal was to build a better life, and they focused on their family and their kids. And that's kind of what my husband and I are doing. We really believe in protecting our family and what we're building. And I'm not afraid to protect that. And for any mamas out there, maybe you feel you have to like go to family or other people. And I'm not saying don't do that, but there is something to be said about having some kind of boundary and self-preservation in this and just being honest and to stop the people pleasing. I think as women, we want everybody to like us and everybody to be pleased by us. But the older I get, the more I realize I don't know if I want that. I don't know if I need to please every single person. That's not my end goal in this world. My goal is to be a kind person, to be warm, to be helpful, but to be honest and to be direct. And I'm gonna protect my energy more than I ever have in my life. Number four, direct communication in marriage and partnerships. So I know I've mentioned this in other episodes, but communication is everything, particularly with a partner. So I think a lot of times for women, we just we hope or anticipate that a guy will see the mental load. We hope he'll see that the dishes are dirty, then he'll just do them. We hope he sees that there's crumbs on the floor, he'll just pick them up. That's really not how that works. I'm convinced men are wired very differently. And I clearly defy what I need help with. Like nowadays, I feel like I'm just so short for my washing machine. And sometimes I say, hey, babe, can you grab the laundry from the washer to the dryer and then just turn on the dryer for me? Yeah, sure. Hey, babe, can you vacuum the floor? Yes, of course. Hey, babe, can you make dinner tonight? I'm really tired. Yes, babe, of course. Be very clear on the ask and make it a very concise thing. I think if you make it too general, men don't get it. Or a partner, right? They may not understand. But I try to make it super, super clear what I'm naming the need and what I'm asking for. I think when we suppress or we're not asking, we get resentful and angry. And it can feel really hard. I think when we as women, we bottle up a lot and then a break, a massive breakdown will happen and we're crying and we're hysterical, and men don't understand why. I think the more open we are, the more vulnerable we can be. And I really think that helps you. Honesty is one of the best policies. And if we're able to just be honest and open with our partner, it will make us even closer. And that's hard. A lot of couples may struggle with this. And I'm sure I'm not perfect. I'm sure shit not. But I really try to tell my husband I'm overwhelmed or I'm tired, or sometimes I get really like icky with him. Even recently, like I was just really frustrated with something, and he's like, Yeah, you like something seems off. I say, Yeah, but I have an A. I'm freaking tired. I'm exhausted. Like, I just need a little bit of help. And I'm not like afraid to say that out loud anymore. I used to be really nervous to tell my husband, I don't want him to see me as weak. I don't want him to see me as someone that can't handle it, right? But for mamas, like, we need to know that we can only handle so much before we have a breaking point or a burnout. And if we feel that way, we need to say it out loud. We need to say I'm burnt out. We need to say I'm overwhelmed. We need to say I'm tired and just communicate that. And I really try my best to communicate that as often and as much as possible when I am feeling that way. So, mamas, I really much empathize, sympathize, all the things with you. Direct communicate with your partner. It will help save your life and save your marriage when you can say it out loud and your partner is actually there to help because that's everything. Number five, setting boundaries with family and friends. So this can be challenging. I don't live near any family or friends, so it's kind of easy to have boundaries because people have to plan to see us anyway. So it kind of works out for us. I don't hate that. And for a lot of people, they really need to be close to family. Family really helps them, they're really there for them in any capacity. For me, I knew family couldn't be there for me in the way that I probably needed them to be. And that's okay. Like my mom and my mother-in-law, both stay-at-home moms. Both of them don't really want a full-time babysitter nanny. To be frank, after having kids at home, I'd feel the same way. So can I blame them? Absolutely not. I would never blame anybody. But for those who do live closer to family or maybe have help nearby of member family members or whoever, I think it should is being very clear of expectations. I think it is being very clear of like what you can and can't do. I've seen friends and family promise the world that they're gonna help and they're gonna be there and they're gonna do all these things. And maybe they don't help the way that they really need the help, or maybe the expectation was different than the outcome. So I think it's really just being very open-minded and direct about that, clearly communicating what that looks like, right? And sure, things shift, change, and adapt. I get it. But I do think when you're able to be super communicative and open-minded, it will tremendously help you. Because I think parents really mean well, but you have to be mindful of opinions. I know someone in my life who dealt with opinions with a mother-in-law, and she used to get really bothered by this. And I said, Listen, a lot of these opinions are brought up upon her and her, her opinions and what she's been through, and she's putting them on you. It's not a reflection of you, it's just what she's been taught in her life. And you can say, hey, person, thanks so much for this opinion. But I I will handle this the way I feel is right. Or I'll think about that. There's nothing wrong with that. And you're not trying to make anyone feel bad or shitty. But there are ways to handle opinions without making someone feel bad. But at the end of the day, you still have to do what's best for you. Because truthfully, you have to choose peace over approval. You have to be peaceful in the life that you're building and what you want. I think when we always seek approval, especially as women, we're always seeking like this amazing approval, like, oh my God, you did such a good job, bravo. No, we just want to choose our peace and what's going to feel aligned to our energy and what feels good to us. And so if you have to set certain boundaries with family and friends because they're doing things that you don't like, then you have to have those conversations. And especially if it's like a mother-in-law, talk to your partner about it and they can talk to the mom if you don't feel comfortable. However, that needs to look in your family or your life, protect the peace. I promise you it will be the best thing you've ever done. Number six, how motherhood changed your business voice. Now, this has been interesting because prior to a baby, I used to just go out all the time and meet people all the time. And my time was just keeping myself busy with my business and growing it. Now, it's a little bit different. It doesn't mean I'm not there for my clients, doesn't mean I don't help my clients, and it doesn't mean I don't support my clients. But I am direct in terms of what expectations and when I can and cannot get things to them. I'm still nice to clients, I'm still respectful to clients, but I need to be very mindful of what the expectation is and what that looks like. And I tell people, look, if like especially discovery call, I say, give me a week to send you a proposal. I try to send it way earlier than that, but I set the expectation so then they can anticipate when something's coming. So I'm not afraid to be very direct in that sense. Because to set the expectation, I feel better because I feel in control. I feel like I'm in control of my time. If I say, okay, I'm gonna get this to you in a week and I'm gonna get it to you in a week. I get it to you sooner, bonus points, even better. I don't want to feel stressed and scrambly to be like, I'm gonna get this to you in 24 hours when like I really can or that's not aligned. Now it's happened in a few circumstances where I've had to get something out pretty quickly. But overall, it's I set very clear boundaries, expectations very early on in discovery call phase, even where I don't necessarily give a price, but I am very clear on my value add. I am clear on what will be in the proposal. I when I send an email, it's very concise of next steps. Let's say I have a discovery call, a client wants to move forward with ongoing. I say, okay, let me review your books, let me see what's going on, let me send you a proposal within a week. And what I do is I'll create like a Loom video explaining the books and what's going on behind the curtain. I will attach my proposal with pricing and all of the tasks essentially that would be completed within a certain time frame. Then if they approve that, I write next steps. If you approve the proposal, these are next steps. It's sending a contract, scheduling onboarding call, and getting things organized and shifted. So making that very clear and honest has put a lot in perspective for me. And it's not like I'm not being harsh, I'm not being mean, I'm being kind, I'm being thoughtful, but I'm being direct, where I'm telling you this is what it's gonna be. You can say yes or no, and this is how we can move forward. And I want that to be in my personal life too, because I think it almost gets misconstrued, right? As an entrepreneur, we can be this like direct person. And we can say yes or no, and we need to be direct. And it and it's cool. Like it's cool to be direct. But when we're thinking about that in motherhood, it's almost like wrong that we're so direct and have boundaries, which I don't really understand why. But at least in business, I think being direct and being honest makes you a better leader. It makes you more thoughtful. It gives you a lot more respect and credibility too. I will say the fact that I'm so direct and I have such a process brings value and trust in people. They appreciate how detailed I am, they appreciate how supportive I am, and they appreciate my communication. I wish that translated more into motherhood. And I'm sure it will at some point, and it does already, but I do think that is so important to be direct. And motherhood has amplified that even more for me in my business as well. Number eight, the emotional cost of not speaking up. Now, there is always a tax, there is a cost to this, and there's a lot of resentment. I talk to a lot of moms who don't say anything and they are so angry. They're so angry, but it's like they don't say anything. So you can't be angry at someone if you're not speaking up. And you will feel burnt out, you will feel tired, you will feel like shit, you'll hate your life. You will feel like you're bottling up something that you can't get out of you. You feel like caged in your own body, you feel caged in your thoughts, you feel caged in your mind. No one should feel that way. I think as women, we try to smooth things over and be nice, but nice doesn't really get us anywhere if it's not moving the needle, if it's not making us feel good, if it's not making us feel more confident, if it's not making us feel more excited. Because the more we're silent and the more we're not speaking, the more resentful we get, the more angry we get, and the more tired we get. And there were points in even with my husband, I didn't speak up as much because I was like, oh, like if I do or I've tried, he gets angry or upset. And then I don't. And then I go back to, well, no, I am because I deserve to have a voice and I deserve to ask for some help. And I'm not afraid of that. I'm not afraid to ask for help. I'm not afraid to speak up anymore because it's not worth the energy for me. Like, if I need help, I'm gonna be very clear and concise. Whether I need to text it to my husband, call my husband, tell my husband, whatever form of communication, I need the help and I'm not gonna be afraid to speak up because not speaking up costs you so much more than actually speaking up and at least trying. Number eight, teaching our kids healthy communication. Now, obviously, I have a little, so this is a little hard, but I really want my kids to not be afraid to speak up. I want them to express their emotions. I want them to feel like they have a safe space to do so. I don't want them to hide. I think hiding them is doesn't solve a problem. I think they need to say it out loud. And if I can express my emotions and apologize and own up to my mistakes, I know that they'll lead by example and do that too. And right, if I teach them boundaries with people, they're gonna learn that too. And I want them to speak confidently and kindly in the world. I want them to be good humans in the world. And if I show them that I do good things, they follow. I think children lead by example. And the more you do good things, the more they'll follow that. And so I just really believe in our hearts, like, let's teach our kids healthy communication, healthy boundaries, healthy emotions. And this is something I need to learn myself as children get older, but this is something I am really excited to tap into and raise good humans in the world to just build a better life and a better community and for them to feel confident within themselves. I think that's really important. Number nine, being direct without harsh. I know a lot of this episode today, I felt like I was being really direct and really harsh because I'm just so excited to talk about this because I really think so many women are not direct and speaking up. But I do a lot of I statements instead of blame. I don't try to say, well, I I blame you or you aren't doing this or you aren't doing that. Like I try to be like, this is my fault. I did this or I did that. And that's hard sometimes to admit. And you try not to be harsh. I try to be calm. I try to be understanding, I tried to be warm, but I also have to be firm too. I think when you're direct, I think you need to focus on who you're being direct with. There's some people I can be super direct and no bullshit. But there's some people I have to be direct with a little bit of kindness around it. And that's hard for me because I just try to be direct and I always come from a kind place, but I just don't have time to play games or nonsense or any of it, like I mentioned earlier. But the biggest thing I would tell you is just stop feeling guilty for like being honest of what you want. I'm never gonna be afraid of what I want. And I shouldn't feel guilty for being honest and being direct to somebody if I'm being very clear. So I'm just gonna tell y'all just be direct. You don't need to be harsh if that's not your vibe, nor should anyone be mean coming about being direct. I think there's just a way to be direct and to say, this is my expectations and this is what I'm looking for. And there's nothing wrong with that, and there shouldn't be. I think as women, we're naturally seen as these kind, nurturing, loving people. But truthfully, we we can be direct too, and we shouldn't feel guilty about it. So if this is your permission slip, I'm handing it over to you. And last but not least, the freedom that comes with speaking your truth. The peace and clarity around this is amazing. I feel like a weight's lifted off my shoulder. And I have confidence. Because when you have very direct communication, I believe you can have better relationships. I've had some relationships go sour or worse, but typically they become better. I think when you are direct, some people can't handle that and that's not their vibe. That's all good. They're just not your people. They're not your circle. You can wish them well. You can want the best for them, but it doesn't mean they're your people. And that's okay. And I feel more confident. I feel stronger. I feel better about being direct. I don't think I'm coming from a cold place. I don't feel like I am. I'm just being direct in my communication and what I want. And I'm not afraid to be direct. I'm not afraid to tell people exactly what I need. I have built such better relationships. I have built such respect and trust and kindness from people because I'm honest. And when I say I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it. And that is everything my mamas and my people listen into this. It is so important to just be direct, speak your truth, be kind, and just don't put up with the BS. Seriously. Like, don't put up with it. Be honest. Be cool about it. And I promise you, these relationships will be so much better off. And you'll know very clear who's in your life and who's not in your life. I could tell you that too. Because what motherhood doesn't harden you, it clarifies you. It teaches you that your time, energy, and emotional space are sacred. And once those things matter more, your world becomes clearer too. Because being direct isn't about being blunt or insensitive. It's about being honest, respectful, and brave enough to say what you need, even when your voice shakes. Because this episode is your permission slip to stop shrinking your feelings and start freaking honoring them. Because when you communicate clearly, you don't just protect yourself, you model strength for your children, your partner, and every other woman watching you, finding your voice. Thanks, Mamas, for listening. This is just the beginning. Subscribe now to Raising Hustle and get ready for raw stories, real talk, and unapologetic ambition. We're showing up messy, loud, and all in because success doesn't wait for quiet. Let's raise our voices, our businesses, and our babies together.