Welcome to Raising Hustle, the unflipted podcast for the moms who are building empires with babies on their hips and grits in their hearts. I'm your host, Mariel Fry, bookkeeper by trade, hustler by nature, and mama by choice. Around here we're raising kids, raising hell, and raising the bar. If you're tired of choosing between nap time and next level dreams, this is your space. Let's redefine what it means to have it all on our own damn terms.
SPEAKER_00Hey hustlers and mamas, welcome back to Raising Hustle. I'm really excited to talk about the word maybe, because maybe is not kind. It's quite confusing. Because why clear boundaries are more loving? There's a version of kindness many of us were taught growing up, especially women. Be agreeable. Don't disappoint people. Don't be too harsh. Leave the door open. So instead of saying no, we say maybe. Maybe we can. Let me see. I'll try, possibly. But here's what I've learned, especially as a mother and a business owner. Maybe isn't kind, it's confusing. It keeps people hopeful, it delays clarity, and it quietly builds resentment. Because in this episode, we're unpacking why clear boundaries are actually more loving to your family, your clients, your friends, but most importantly, to yourself. Number one, we say maybe instead of no. As women, we're people pleasers. We don't want to disappoint. We don't want to constantly say no, and we're just that person. And it's really hard because we want to be perceived as the nice person, as the giving and caring person. We always want to say, well, I really want to get together with you. And then I'm saying, okay, let's look at dates, let's plan, let's figure it out. And then it's ghosting. We always want to say we want to see somebody, but do we actually want to see them? So we just constantly say maybe. We say maybe in hopes maybe one day we will or we might not. And there's always guilt in this. We feel guilty in motherhood to tell our kid maybe all the time. We feel guilty to say maybe to anybody. But we also say maybe, maybe in opportunities for business. And I don't love saying maybe to someone. It's typically a yes or no, or I give someone the option for them to say yes or no. I think maybe feels like a nice thing to say in the moment. You say, well, maybe I'll be there for you. Maybe I'll help you. I'll possibly be there. Let me think about it. It's nice that you offer, but if you're not gonna back up your word, it means nothing. Absolutely nothing. I'm one of those people where I say I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna fucking do it. Period, case closed. I don't love maybe. And look, are we all guilty of maybe? Yes. But typically we say maybe to not feel guilty, to not feel ashamed, to not feel bad. We feel like we want to say it because it feels better than saying no, which sucks. Number two, the emotional cost of maybe. So I actually really like this because there is really an emotional cost when we think about maybe. First of all, the mental load of this, I think we penned. We're like, well, maybe we'll get to this tomorrow. Maybe I'll do that load of laundry tomorrow. Maybe I'll do the dishes tomorrow. Maybe I'll bring my son to the library. Maybe, maybe, maybe. That doesn't help anyone or anything. And the pending decisions is hard because you it stops you in your track and then you lose focus. And then you pivot to something else, you think about something else, but you can't actually commit to saying yes or no. Like I can say, no, I'm not doing the dishes today, but I'll do them tomorrow. Or yes, I'm gonna do the dishes right now because I want to get them done. And I feel very authoritative and in control of a decision when it's a yes or no. It's very black or white, and we're not dealing with the gray. Because when we ask, like I love my I love my husband, but there's times where he says he's gonna like do the dishes. He's like, Yeah, yeah, I'll do them later. And later rolls around. He doesn't do them, he doesn't do him, he doesn't do them. And so it's like you're waiting. And then I get resentful because I'm angry. Because I could have just done them the right then and right now. But he decided that he was gonna say, well, later, later, maybe, maybe, possibly. I hate that. Drives me fucking nuts. And it is what it is some days because I'm tired and I'm exhausted, and I just say I'll get to it tomorrow. And I will, right? So that's kind of my two cents there. Overbooking my time. I think we try to stretch ourselves so so thin as moms, and when we say maybe, we overcommit. And we need to stop overcommitting to things if we can't go to them. And it's hard. You want to be there for everybody, but I've had to learn to really say no a lot more. My son, he he says no a lot. He don't think he says yes yet. He says no. He's the first to be like, no, no, no, no, no. Maybe we need to think of that way. No. No, no, no. I think truthfully, when we think about the emotional cost of maybe, we're also thinking about anxiety. And again, I mentioned this just a second ago, but we maybe are overcommittal. We commit to too much. And we don't want to say no, because we want to be part of everything. Maybe we have a FOMO or we want to like just do everything, but that doesn't help anybody. It just makes you feel worse at the end of the day. Because then when you commit to too much, you overthink. And then you've promised too many people too many things. And then you have to pull away, and then you feel silly and you feel dumb that you said that. And so a lot of it has to do with like not being in control. I think the truth is you have to be in control of the decisions in your life. And when we overcommit and we say maybe too much, then people kind of expect certain things around you. And I think if you're more decisive in the decision, it brings, it brings me peace. I have a lot of anxiety and I know this, and my husband says this all the time. And I just like an answer. That's all I want. Anyone who's an anxious person just wants an answer of a yes or no. We don't want to hear maybe. We don't want to hear possibly. We want to know just yes or no. And so if you feel that as an anxious person, take your permission slip and know, like it's okay to feel that way. And just do what you can to be in control of any situation that brings you peace. Peace is the one thing I love, and it's the one thing I will never give up is my peace and my sanity as much as I can. Number three, the maybe mom. So I don't really have too, too many of these. I feel like I've had more maybe friends in my life, but I think just the maybe thing with women in general is shitty. Like saying maybe to a play date, saying maybe to a family request, overcommitting holidays, right? Agreeing to things that exhaust you. It's just awful. It's awful. Because when you say maybe to so many things, you're not actually committing to anything, really. You're just saying maybe, like maybe I'll do this, maybe I'll do that. And then when the time comes, you think, oh shit, like should have made a decision. We need to be as women more decisive. Like, men are decisive. Men will tell you yes or no immediately. And why aren't we thinking a little bit more like that to make really good decisions? And I think the beautiful thing about my situation is I don't live near family. So for me, a lot of the family stuff doesn't matter. We really have to like commit to that months in advance. That's another thing. I mean, if we want to see family, there has to be decisions of yes or no. There has to be flights planned, there has to be things coordinated, there has to be things scheduled. Otherwise, like if you don't plan, we don't see you. And if you don't communicate, we don't talk. Period. We can't say maybe we're gonna get together, like, then it'll never happen. So I'm very, at least with my family, we're very much committed to planning and scheduling. I put things on a calendar, I get things booked, and I get shit done. And that's why I feel so much more confident in terms of like making decisions. And I want my children to learn that too. Because I want them to make decisions that don't require maybe. It has to be yes or no, period. Because saying maybe to everybody often means you're saying no to yourself. And you don't want to feel that way. You don't want to feel like you say, well, maybe, maybe, maybe. And look, I'm guilty of it. There's times I'm definitely guilty of it. Everybody's guilty of this. But the more we practice to say no or say yes to things we want to commit to, we're gonna feel so much better about it. And so it really is protecting your peace there because you don't want to be the maybe mom. You don't want to be the maybe friend. You just don't want to be the maybe person. It's not a person that you want to be. Trust me, I've seen those people and I do not want to be around those people. Number four, the maybe business owner. Going into business, I love this. I think this resonates with myself and so many other entrepreneurs. But taking on misaligned clients, right, as a maybe. I took on a bunch, not at a good time. And then a lot of those clients have fired or let go. Some of those clients have left, which is fine. But I don't feel good taking on clients that I took on to almost not beg, but to be like, oh, you should really work with me. And it just didn't jive, it didn't gel, it wasn't energetically there. Because I don't want to feel that. I want to feel aligned with my clients. I want to feel like it's it's a fuck yes, you want to work with me, not an eh, not a ooh. That's not fun. I feel like when we work with someone that's a maybe, maybe we're trying to extend a deadline or we're pushing a contract and we're trying to force something that really shouldn't be forced. And if they're questioning it, and maybe you're questioning it, is it worth it? Is that client worth it? I would rather work with someone who wants to work with me. I'm very clear on expectations, and it feels really good. It feels really aligned. Like we're we're energetically there. They're gonna be a great client. I'm gonna be the best bookkeeper for them with my team. And I'm not gonna feel bad about it. I don't want to be that person anymore. I'm not gonna take on clients that don't feel if there's an ick and an energy that's wrong, I'm not doing it. I'm standing my ground, I'm being very clear, and my expectations are there, my process is there, and I'm not gonna BS or beat around the bush. It is what it is. So learn my lessons of not taking on clients that you get the gut feeling. We all have that intuition. And I'm sure in your business, maybe you took on a client because it was money. Maybe you took on a client because it was a cool opportunity. But if they really don't align with you over time, get rid of them. It's not worth it. I promise. Or up their price. Do something. But you don't want to work with people that don't align with you in your energy. Number five, why clear no's are more loving. So I wish I had a little heart, but I am so excited to talk about this because I am, like I mentioned before, an anxious person. And being anxious means I like decisions. And with decisions, I like planning. And with planning, it's yes, no. And there's clear boundaries, rules, expectations. Because people plan around clarity. Like when I tell somebody, hey, I'm free these few days, you tell me when you're free, and let's get something on the calendar. Let's get something booked. And that to me, I know if somebody's serious about working with me or wanting to plan something with me, if they're willing to understand a schedule and oblige by that. And I love that so much. I love the planning piece, especially on the calendar. Like, perfect example, I convinced my husband to get a doggy dorm for my dog. I wanted one for her so she can go in and out as she pleased. But initially she was not happy. So I hired this dog trainer. Her and I were on the phone, kind of for 10, 15 minutes and figuring out a plan of like when she can come. I said, okay, I'm gonna schedule this. This is the day, this is the time, this is my house. I'm gonna send you a calendar invite. She's like, whoa, you're serious. She's like, are you a business owner? I said, yes, I'm a bookkeeper, I'm a business owner. And it was cool because she respected my time, I respected her time. We got it on the calendar and we just got shit done. And we respected each other. Because when there is a level of respect, you grow from that. And I love working with people like that. People who put shit on a calendar, they show up on time, and we level out all expectations. I don't want to chase you. I don't want to have to convince you. Like even with my mom, one of the things that happened to me was in my business as a bookkeeper, I'm very busy between middle to end of January and like really February, March. But I schedule my year-end calls, typically the last two to three weeks of January. And so I told my mom in July, hey, can you come these last two weeks of January? She told me yes. It's a yes. It's not a no, which is fine if that was a no, but it's not a fucking maybe. She didn't maybe me. She didn't wishwash me. She didn't bullshit me. She told me yes or no. And she told me yes. And it was on the calendar, and then we got dates confirmed and we booked flights, and everything was aligned. And that's what I'm looking for because I've asked other people for help months in advance, and they've said maybe, maybe. And guess what? I'm never asking for those that help again. Ever. It's not worth it. And I'd rather have the boundary of this. I know who's going to be there for me and who's not. I know who's going to help me and who's not. I feel so much happier with that. I don't deal with someone saying maybe. Like maybe typically means no. And that sucks, but it's kind of the truth. And it doesn't mean that we want to hurt somebody again, like in this episode, but I just really believe at least a no makes me understand that you can't commit to that. And I respect that because you're busy, you have things going on, but don't give me this promise of maybe, and then you're not there. And you continue to disappoint. I believe in respecting myself in that case. And I want my children to respect their that, like themselves too. They can be disappointed with a lot of things, but hearing maybe from people that they shouldn't hear maybe from, that's a that's absolutely not acceptable to me. At least no, they can understand a no, but a maybe just anticipates excitement. And then when the maybe turns into no, then it turns into resentment and anger and frustration. Because really, let's be clear. A clear no is cleaner than a hopeful maybe. So just say fucking no if it's a no. Period. Number six, maybe as a nervous response system. So there's definitely some cultures and people who I feel like the term maybe because that's what they were brought up with. And so, especially as women, we really feel that we want to please people. And we just feel maybe is a great response to this. Maybe is a great way to just kind of push it out a little longer without having to make a decision. And maybe you growing up, like you were rewarded for saying maybe. Maybe you were rewarded for listening. I'm not sure. But maybe you were fearful of what people said. Maybe you were fearful of not having people like you or get along with you. And I don't know what the real answer is here. Maybe we just, as women, have learned to tolerate and just be nice, right? And be quiet and people please. And not really say what's on our mind because if we do, we look crazy or we look aggressive. And maybe we just say maybe because it's self-protection. Maybe we just say it because we feel better about ourselves. I'm not sure why, but that's kind of some of my two cents around that. It's just it's a response. It doesn't mean it's a good response, but it just means it's a response. Number seven, how to replace maybe with clarity. So I really want to give some examples and just some tools. When we think about if we're gonna say maybe, let's pause and think about it. If we're saying maybe, if you have to say maybe, give an explanation or like a time frame, right? Say maybe, let me think about it. I'll get back to you on Friday, if it's Tuesday. If you need the grace period to say no. But pause and think about it before you actually respond, if it's something you want to do or don't want to do. Because truthfully, when people say maybe, in my opinion, if it's not a yes, it's a no, period. That's just how it goes in my rule book. If I have to hear a maybe, it's a no. If it's not a yes, it's a no. And for me, I'm just very direct with people now, where if someone asks me about a date or a time, I sometimes will say, look, occasionally I have to say, I'll get back to you, or I'm not available for that, or I might have to pass. I've got invited to things where I've had to really think about it, but I've had to say no to protect my peace. Because look, I look at a calendar too. There's certain things and times where it just might not align with where I'm at, or it might not align with my season of life or what's going on. Doesn't mean I don't care. It doesn't mean I don't want the best, but deep down, I just I have to really listen to my gut intuition. And that's something I want to teach my children is listening to yourself, listening to your gut. If something doesn't feel right or if it feels aligned, or if it feels wrong, right? Just stand up for yourself and be clear and decisive. And even if it is a maybe, to say, hey, let me get back to you within a few days and look at my calendar and talk it over and figure it out. Because at least you're not letting someone hang on and you're giving somebody an end date to make a decision. That's one way to look at it. Number eight, boundaries create safety in your home. I love this so much. I love having some kind of routine. Now I am not the most perfect routine person. I used to be a lot more before a baby. Now my life's a little haywire. But at least I know like Tuesdays are my deep work day, and that's like a routine day where I plan meetings and appointments and schedules. I love the gym in the morning. Not something I like to do routine every morning. I love to go to bed at a certain time because I feel good. Certain, you listen, with a baby, certain routines are just not a thing. But you try. And as kids get older, you will have better routines and better systems. But seasonal life, that might not be where you're at. And that's totally okay. If you can have one or two routines in your day, better than zero. And fewer rush yeses. I think a lot of times we might say yes to something and not really think about it and we commit to something we don't want to commit to. Really think about it if you want something, you know, or if you want to do something. Don't just say yes because it sounds good. Like say yes because you want to do it. Cause yeah, it will create less resentment to your partner and people in your life. I try to have better boundaries in my life with a lot of people and try to not have as much resentment. It's hard, but I'm certainly not perfect, but I'm getting there. More intentional family time. I know my husband and I really struggle with this. We try, but my husband works like six days a week. And he could be in and out of the home, owning his own business. But there are days that he has to be on site all day, or he has things at night he committed to, and it's really challenging. So we do what we can to try to have family time together, even if it's for an hour a day, it's just better than nothing. And the biggest thing with a boundary and things I hope to teach my children are children learning direct communication. I want my children to be direct. I want them to say yes or no. I want them to not have to maybe or be disappointed. I want them to be very direct and clear on what they want. It will get them so much further ahead in life. And last but not least, the freedom on the other side. So I've talked a lot about the word maybe and tactical things you can do and thought process of why you say maybe. But let's talk about the freedom on the other side when you decide to commit to yes or no. When you decide to make decisions and be decisive, one, less mental clutter. You can make a decision much quicker, much faster, and easier when you don't have all the clutter in space of the maybe. You can think very clearly. It'll be clearer relationships. I love that because I know what I can control and what I can't control. If someone tells me maybe, that's not good enough. I want a plan, I want a yes or no, I want decisions made, and I want shit done. And at least with my family, I can only speak for them, like my parents and my siblings. I have a very clear relationship. And we talk about days that I'm gonna come, flights that I'm gonna book. And I say, Hey, do these days and these times work? This is the flights I'm looking to book. I want Make sure. They tell me yes or no. And then I book the flight and then bada bing, bada boom, it's done. I love the clear, direct relationship we have. I have clear boundaries, rules, and expectations. And I ask for very little. I just ask for confirmation and clarity. It's really simple. When it comes to business, I want the higher quality clients. I want the energy of good clients and good people. I want to work with good people because they fuel me up and they build the fire in my belly. They make me want to work harder. They make me want to work smarter. And I love that relationship I have with them. And for me, I look at my client list every year and I think, okay, who is there anybody I'm not aligning with? Is there anybody that doesn't feel right? And this is the first time in my business I feel so aligned with all of my clients. I'm excited for them. I'm excited to have them. And look, shit's gonna happen. I'm gonna lose clients, gain clients. But right now, where I'm sitting recording this podcast, I feel really good about the clients I have. Some of them have become friends. Some of them I've had wonderful memories with. And I'm so grateful for those clients. So thank you. If you're a client listening to this, you are amazing. So thank you for being in my life. My calendar feels good. I color coordinate my calendar. I'm very into Google. I get people of pen and paper. I try that. I do that sometimes. But truthfully, I love when my calendar has coordination, it has scheduling. I love that the decisions I make are quick yes, no. They feel really good. They feel really aligned. And we're all just in it. I love that. And actually, the most important, one of the most important is stronger self-trust. I feel like such a better human when I have clear, concise boundaries, when I'm able to make decisions saying yes or no. And I just feel like I'm on top of the world. I feel so good about myself when it comes to that. And I'm not afraid if I have to push boundaries. Look, it's going to piss people off. I'm not here to make everybody like me, but I am going to stand my ground. I am going to be protective. I am not going to hold back. And I want to be clear that you don't lose love when you say no. You lose confusion. You lose a lot of confusion. You gain so much more clarity. Because the truth is, maybe sounds polite, it sounds flexible and it sounds accommodating. But maybe often deep down means I'm not comfortable. I don't want conflict and I don't want to upset you. And let me be clear, that's not kindness. That's avoidance. That's avoidance behavior. Real kindness is clarity. Clarity says this works for me, this doesn't work for me. I can't, I won't. I choose differently. Clear boundaries protect your energy, they protect your time, they protect your home, and they protect your business. But most importantly, the people who respect you or respect your clarity. Maybe it's confusing. But no, when it's aligned is so loving.
SPEAKER_01Thanks so much for listening. This is just the beginning. Subscribe now to Raising Hustle and get ready for raw stories, real talk, and unapologetic ambition. We're showing up messy, loud, and all in because success doesn't wait for quiet. Let's raise our voices, our businesses, and our babies together.