Welcome to Raising Hustle, the unfiltered podcast for the moms who are building empires with babies on their hips and grits in their hearts. I'm your host, Mariel Fry, bookkeeper by trade, hustler by nature, and mama by choice. Around here we're raising kids, raising hell, and raising the bar. If you're tired of choosing between nap time and next level dreams, this is your space. Let's redefine what it means to have it all on our own damn terms. Hey hustlers and mamas, welcome back to Raising Hustle. Because today's episode is one that I think is going to hit home for so many of you. Because it's something that I naturally sit with myself. You'll feel guilty either way. If you're working, you feel guilty you're not with your kids. If you're with your kids, you feel guilty you're not doing more in your business. If you rest, you feel guilty for not being productive. If you push, you feel guilty for not slowing down. So at some point, at some point we have to ask, if guilt is showing up no matter what we do, why are we letting it make our decisions? In today's episode, we're talking about breaking that cycle, getting very honest about what we actually want, and giving ourselves permission to build a life that aligns, even if it doesn't look like everyone else's. Let's get into it. Number one, the reality. Guilt is always there. Guilt never goes away. I hate that we call it mom guilt, first of all, because it really should just be guilt. And we're always feeling guilty for something we're not doing, right? We feel guilty in our business for not being with kids. And when we're with kids, we feel guilty for not being with business. We feel guilty that we're not cleaning more, we're not cooking better food. There's constant guilt all the time. And we try to find that balance of guilt in a weird way. We try to find that balance that can eliminate and push away all of our guilt. Because if we work a little and we spend a little bit of time with our kids and a little bit of time cleaning, we won't feel guilty anywhere. And let's just be real. In the season of motherhood, especially littles, and right as kids get older, there is no right or wrong balance. There is none. And especially for mamas who are entrepreneurs, we feel we have to be high achieving and perfection in everything that we do. We feel we have to be like super mom. And I talk about this a lot when it comes to being like a good mom and probably throughout my episodes. But we feel it even more intensely, especially the millennial mom. We're supposed to be the boss babe, the independent woman. And we have kids, it's like, well, wait a second, how do we do this all? This is crazy. And the guilt trickles in because we're not perfection. I know there was some statistic or something out there that even talked about when women apply for jobs. Women only like to apply for jobs that they 100% know that they can fulfill every single line item on the job description. But men, men maybe do 50, 60%. And that is such a big difference when you think about this. And women just want perfection and they want to check off every box and they want to have this like perfect, perfect life almost. And it just doesn't exist in motherhood. And you feel guilty because you want to put everything 100% into whatever you do. And the reality is, is that's just not the case. You're constantly switching from being like a mom to a business owner or a worker or a CEO. It's so emotional to put everything all the time into everything. It feels crazy. No wonder why we are so high stressed, we are so strung out, and we are so exhausted. That is the reality. We are trying to juggle and do a million things. And we're always going to feel guilty if we always do something that we feel like, not that we don't want to do, but we feel like, well, if I'm a business owner, I want to give it a hundred percent. Or if I'm a mom, I'm giving it a hundred percent. It can be really challenging. But what I'm here to tell you is no matter what, the guilt will be there. But the reality is, is you are doing an amazing job. You're doing an amazing job being a CEO. You're doing an amazing job being a business owner. And you're doing an amazing job being a mom. We all have different hats that we're wearing constantly. And so if you can understand that there's a little bit of, there could be a little bit of guilt, but you're doing the best you can every single day. Number two, the double bind of motherhood and ambition. It's so true. You're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't. Always. You always feel like you can be somewhere else. It's like, damn, if I really worked on my business, you know, it could really scale and grow. Or damn, if I really put all this attention on my kids, they can really achieve the next level. You really are never gonna feel 100% in whatever you're doing. I know I don't. And it can be really hard. Like I want to give 100% of myself to my son, but I also want to give 100% to my business. And then I want to give 100% to my house, and I want to give 100% to my husband and my family and all of these other things. You always feel like you're lacking in a seesaw because you can't possibly do it all. It's literally impossible as one human being. And really, when we think about societal expectations versus modern motherhood, we're supposed to mother like we don't have a job, and we're supposed to work like we don't have kids. It's crazy the expectations that are put on women. And I was reading or following something recently about how dads get told they're such a great dad for like playing with their kids or taking their kids out alone. But for women, it's the expectation that you're doing that. It's pretty rare someone comes up to me and says, Wow, you're like a really great mom for taking your son to the grocery store. Sound it shouldn't sound crazy, but for a guy, if you see a guy alone with a child, you think, oh, wow, what a great dad. He can, he's going out by himself. Like, bravo. We're not getting that, right? And for women, we feel just an insane amount of pressure to be present in every moment that we're in, but also be wildly successful, especially for my mompreneurs out there, because we're trying to be this mom. And I know for myself, I try to batch cook for my son healthier snacks and just food for him, just as much as I am planning my week in terms of my business and expectations for my team and what deadlines we have and what needs to be done. So it is so much pressure to feel both. I even have someone on my team recently who joined, and she couldn't believe how I'm able to work the level that I'm working while also having a child. And I don't have like crazy help. I talk about help a lot, and I will probably talk about it throughout different episodes. Help is important without the village. I need help for cleaning. I need help for babysitting. I need that help and I pay for that help. And I'm proud that I can do that. But there is a lot of pressure that I feel on both sides. Like there's times with my son where I don't have babysitting and I might have to take a phone call. Okay, I'm throwing on teletubbies. Or there's times where I run out to meet a client and I have to bring my son because I don't have help. And it's really hard to feel like I'm present when front of a referral partner or a client, just as much as I'm taking care of my child. Doesn't mean I'm not ambitious. It doesn't mean I'm any less than the pressure that women feel these days to wear so many hats can feel extremely overwhelming. So if you are in that season of life right now, know that yes, this is really hard. And this doesn't go away. And I'm not here to solve your problems on this. I'm just here to have you acknowledge and admit and be aware that these problems even exist. Because the truth is, nobody fucking teaches us this. We there's no manual. Like I joke constantly how after I had my son, there was no manual on how to take care of a baby. There is no manual on how to live life. Don't you think if there was, everybody would follow it? Like we would all follow it, probably to a T. And so nobody teaches us how to hold multiple identities. It's not just I'm a mom, and it's not just I'm a business owner. I am both of those things and I'm multiple things. And I think as women, we wear multiple hats all the time. And holding all of these identities of feeling like myself as a business owner, but also shifting to this new identity as a mom. It's really challenging to balance all of this and to say goo goo ga to my son, and in the same token, have really deep conversations with clients or referral partners. It's a shift that I'm constantly shifting, but it's one that I really enjoy and I love. So just know that you can really truly be both. Just know that, you know, it's gonna take time to figure out what that looks like for you. Number three, the thought patterns that keep us stuck. Really, this is so true because our mind shift and our the way we think empowers so many of us. And in the time of recording, I'm pregnant with my second son and I'm currently in a situation where my baby is breached. And the mentality initially was, oh my gosh, am I gonna have to have a C-section? Blah, blah, blah. But then I'm starting to really have the mindset now as recording this. I'm go, this baby is going to come fruition and not be breached. This baby is going to turn. I feel so confident and so empowered. And I'm really saying these things to myself that I'm going to get this baby to flip. I'm going to have a natural birth and I'm going to pull mantras and write them all over, which is something I need to work on. But when it comes to thought patterns, right, we're always thinking I should be doing more or I should be doing less. We always are trying to push the envelope no matter what. And we do feel stuck. We don't know where to go. We don't know what to do. I know for me, I feel less anxiety when I don't, when my house is clean. So when my house is dirty, it's like, oh, I got to do this, I got to do the laundry. And I'm constantly feeling like I'm stuck in like this rut constant all the time. And I think when we compare ourselves to other people, the comparison is the thief of joy. It's something my husband always says. And I believe that because when we look at ourselves compared to another mom, we always think, oh, their life's better, or their life is greater, or they have a better partner, or they have a better house, or they have a better system, or their son is more polite, or their daughter's sweeter. We're always comparing to a different mom with a different path. And let me just be straight: there is no such thing as comparison and motherhood. We all really need to be there. And look, I think we all have our own opinions, right? And our own judgments, but we don't need to say it to everybody and we don't need to make anybody feel bad. Am I perfect? No, I'm sure I've said things that have hurt someone, but I've had things said to me that hurt me. And we're not perfect. But I think the more we learn from our mistakes and we implement them, we're gonna feel so much better. Because we're always questioning every decision. We're always questioning anything we say or anything we do, because it's a ripple effect, right? It's a domino effect. That one decision we make can affect so many other people and so many other decisions. Like for motherhood, for example, it's like if I make snacks for the week for my son, I'm figuring out what snacks he wants, which means the decision is what are the ingredients? And then how am I preparing it? How long is it going to take to prepare or to cook? Right. And then I have to clean up that mess and then I have to put it away. And because I have the snacks ready to go, it helps my husband get a snack for my son. It helps the babysitter get a snack for my son. It helps me get a snack for my son. And when I think about business, right? When we go to business decisions on this with the mental load, we have to think about, okay, I, for my business and bookkeeping, we send reports no later than the 15th. But we have to backtrack, right? We need to ask clients what uncategorized transactions are there. We need to pull every single statement for every single card in every single one of my accounts. And that could be hundreds of statements. We need to think about we need time for the client to review things and then they need to get back to us, and then we reconcile, and then things are reviewed, and then reports get sent, right? There is a checklist of things that need to be done. So as a mom and a business owner, my mental load has like doubled, if not tripled. And you're questioning every decision, every single decision you make. Or like if a client leaves you, like, why did they leave? Is it something you did wrong or is it something you said? Just as much as your son's crying, why is he crying? What's going on? And you're questioning every decision, like, did I do something wrong? Did I put him in something that he's not comfortable in? Did I feed him something he didn't like? You're always wondering, right? And you're always feeling guilty around it. And the truth is, we can't feel guilty about every single little decision. It will eat you alive. And we need to correct our thought process to say we are doing the best we can to have a little bit more of an abundant mindset, to know we are making the best decisions that we possibly can. We're not perfect, we're human. But as long as we're aware of the thought patterns we have, we can get unstuck from the stuck. Number four, where the guilt actually comes from. So I've really thought about this because a lot of times when people have opinions, right? I don't think the opinion is meant to be directly at you. You typically come from like a rooted cause. And I believe when it comes to guilt, there's certain beliefs that we have about guilt from childhood, from society, from culture that we've already learned to believe to some level. And it just comes like our guilt comes from somewhere, from something, from somebody. And it can be on social media, it can be real life. There's so many places where that root of guilt comes from. And look, I think it's general expectations of motherhood as well. I think when we think about guilt, I know for me, like my mom was a stay-at-home mom. And I know she probably felt a little guilty to not want to have a career or work. And I know she instilled in us, like, I don't want you to be in a position that I was in to just stay at home with a child all day or to not bring money in or to not have income. She really wanted us to find our way and to have some independence. And I think a lot of women felt that way. It's why the millennials, at least that I'm aware of and know of, all went to pursue these college degrees and they all went to get more education. And we were told that we can have this big, beautiful career and we can also have kids. And what we're realizing in our generation is that it feels really hard and really challenging. And when you look at statistics of even money, right? You look at how much house prices went up versus salaries and even productivity versus salaries. And salaries have not gone up to match to what the level of a house is worth these days. So it's why so many families have to be double income. And motherhood has even stretched us thinner when we think about the guilt, because we feel guilty that we're not bringing in income to provide, but we also feel guilty that we're not providing to be a mom for our families. And it's why you see women, especially after having their first child, go through such a radical shift. They leave it, like maybe from a corporate job, they'll take the maternity and then leave, or they pivot and start a business, or they pivot and work part-time. Maybe they pivot and don't work at all because they realize the salary they made wasn't really enough. It would have maybe covered their child care costs and not a whole lot more. So was it worth it for them to send their kid to daycare so they can work? Or did they want to be at home? There is so much pressure of decisions that we're making. And we feel like, are we making the right decision? Is it the wrong decision? Does it feel crazy? First of all, you're not crazy. Any decision you make has to be a family decision to some level. And it has to be talked about. It has to be communicated. My husband and I communicated a lot. I don't feel as much guilt being a business owner and having my son because I know that I'm able to be there. Right. And I think my son loves having a babysitter or a nanny come over. He gets to experience other people. He gets to have different things to look forward to. And I really am learning to not feel bad about that. Look, did it take time? Yes, absolutely. But I love that he's able to do other things. But I think, like I said, our guilt comes from so much of within. And we almost need to unravel that in our mind of where it's coming from and how do we, how do we handle it? And this is just the beginning steps of that. Number five, the cost of letting guilt ruin your life. I have seen this with so many women. It will eat you alive, you know? And I think for so many women, especially giving up a career that they loved, is really hard. I had one of my friends who had a great career doing something with the government. And she had the opportunity after a baby to go to part-time. And she was a little nervous about it, but she loves the fact that she can work two days a week. Her daughter's in great care. And then she can still be a mom the other three days a week when you think of a five-day work week. And she really led from alignment on this instead of fear. She really was able to take charge of her life and move forward. Her and her husband had a lot of conversations about money and what that would look like, but it was the best decision for them and their family. And so I really encourage you to think about the life that you want to live. And if you're pregnant right now or thinking about a baby while you listen to this, really think about how you want to align yourself and start to make an effort and steps to do that. I see so many women who think they have a plan or a rough plan and things change. I mean, look, people lose jobs, shit happens. But I think for my husband and I personally, we made decisions that would align with our life. And we made sure that we were set up for success so we can live in abundance. I know for myself, even talking about this like abundance and positivity, I'm still burnt out, right? I'm still, I feel very guilty as I'm recording this, you know, just kind of getting out of ish busy season and burning out. And burnout is really hard. And some people argue burnout's an environmental thing. Some people say burnout just you're just tired and you're done. I know for me, being super pregnant and having a toddler and a business, I'm burnt out. I'm tired. I have my days where I just want to hit rock bottom and I need a break. I truly need a break. And I think we're all trying to play the prove it game sometimes, but I'm at a place where I don't want to prove it anymore. I'm done. I feel like I've proved a lot. And I feel really good that I'm in this place of being done proving it. Because I don't want to let guilt ruin my life. And I don't want you to let it ruin your life either. Because look, when I think of guilt too, I do think of resentment. It's a word I never really thought of before having a baby. And I don't want to be resentful or upset about anything to anyone. These are decisions I made. And I don't want to feel bad about some of these decisions I made. Is it perfect? No. But it's better. I feel better about my situation now. Look, at first I felt really guilty about having my son and feeling like, how am I going to do my business? How am I going to have a kid? How am I going to make this work? And once I started to build systems and strategies around both my business and my personal life, I decided to not let guilt ruin my life. I wanted to be the best mom that I could be. And again, this just is 1% every day. Like if you can do 1% of something and feel really good about that, it compounds over time. And it's something I continue to still believe in. Number six, what do you actually want? So what do you want? Right? What will make you happy? And I talk about this a lot, but even just before talking about this one girl who had the conversation with her husband. Have the conversations and communicate about the life that you actually want. Stop keeping up with the Joneses. If that's not for you, don't do it. Do the thing that makes you happy. Do the thing that you love. But have the conversations with people to see if it's possible. I think we all have our own idea about success and what we want from life. And a lot of times when I interview someone, I say, what is your definition of success? Because a lot of times we think of monetary when it comes to money. We want to make more money. But success also is a lifestyle and its choices and its freedom for so many moms. Like, what are you? What version of motherhood do you want? What version of success feels right for you? Well, I think there is a massive difference in this when we think about our desires and obligations. We have obligations. Like I have an obligation to be a good wife and to never cheat on my husband. I made that vow. I have an obligation to take care of my son and have an obligation to pay the bills. I have an obligation to bring food on the table. But I also have to think about desire. I desire to have a nice life. I desire amazing experiences. I desire to go to dinners and get my nails done and do all these things. And we have to really visualize and maybe do a vision board, write out what you want, pros and cons, problem to solutions. Like whatever it's going to take for you to make the decisions, I think will make you feel so much better. Because ask yourself, if this guilt that I feel didn't exist, what would I choose? What would you really want? Strip away all of that and write it down. I encourage you of this. It's something I've done. Again, I pumpkin plan with my mentor and I think about what I really want. And I think about, yes, in my business, there's a lot of things I want. We do get into some personal stuff. And it feels really good to have that conversation of even right now as I'm recording this, I'm thinking about my maternity leave. I'm thinking about how my team, how my business is going to run. I'm thinking about how I'm able to sustain. And I don't need to feel guilty about that because I know that my team is in a good place. I know that I am running a tight ship. And I know that I'm doing a really great job. But I want you to think about what you want out of your life and what success means to you. I just know for me, success means freedom. It means that I can have enough money to buy the things that I want to do. And I don't have to feel any ounce of guilt. Number seven, building a life that supports both roles. So being a mom and a business owner, I'm building a life that feels good for me and my family. And I know I talk about human design, and I hope at some point, whenever this episode comes out, or one day I can talk about human design and interview somebody about this. But one of the things I did was as a peer generator, I put in chat, create me an ideal week as a mom of a baby who runs her own bookkeeping business and, you know, wants to think about what a typical week should look like. And I literally could not believe the answer was the life that I was currently living. And I feel really aligned with my life, with my business, with my schedule and everything that I'm doing. It's not perfect. Let me be clear. This is not perfect. There are some days where on a Monday, Friday, I typically don't work. But guess what? There are days where I may have to work and take a meeting. It's not perfect. I am choosing priorities, but I'm doing it in a way that feels really aligned to me because I've decided to create the systems and support in both my business and as a mom. I think we forget that. I think as an entrepreneur, we're so good at creating the systems and the AI and the automation and the streamline and all of these things to optimize the business that we're currently building. And that's beautiful. That's a beautiful thing. And I love it. I use double HQ for my business. I use Google. I use Slack. I use QuickBooks, of course. Like I am using all of these things. When it comes to motherhood, why are we not almost creating it like a mini business? Why are we not building the support? I know for me right now, season of life, I have a babysitter once a week. Sometimes she comes twice a week, sometimes three times a week. Depends on my week and what I have going on. I think about like the cleaners. Like I have cleaners every two weeks. I hired a doula service just to help me with like laundry and dishes to keep up with. I'm doing things that I am not going to be as resentful or angry about because I want to feel good about the decisions I make. And look, I think time value money. It's worth the money to get some time back. So I don't have to one bend over being super pregnant, but also it's just not something I want to do. I don't like it, I don't enjoy it, and I'm not interested in it. And what I've learned, again, being super pregnant and going through a busy season of this, especially as a bookkeeper and my season of life recording, there are going to be some moments where life's going to feel really hard and it's going to feel really hectic and it's going to feel really busy. I know for my business, the busiest times-ish for me, like September, October to like March, April. It's tax time. People want year end, people want things cleaned up. Like it's very, it's a very strenuous time. But summer for me, like April, May to like September, October, really isn't so bad. It's more of my downtime. I can work in my business and on my business. I can adjust things, update things, and just feel really good about that. You know what I mean? I can feel really excited because I'm building a life that allows me to be the best version of me. And I hope you listening to this, you can build a business that feels really good for you and aligned with you, and that also doesn't make you feel guilty or feel like shit. Number eight, releasing the need for approval. So everyone's gonna shit on you. Let's just be real. There's always gonna be someone who has an opinion. There's always gonna be someone who's gonna question your choices and your decisions. I know when I started my business, I mean, I can't tell you how nervous I was to tell people because of the judgment and shame I felt because I grew up in the household where you go to school, you go to college, and you get a job. The idea of being an entrepreneur wasn't even an idea or a thought. I don't expect everybody to understand choices that I make in my life. I have people who are not gonna understand why I moved away from family. I mean, I have people who won't understand why I started a business. I have people that won't understand maybe why I married my husband or the friends that I make or the decisions that I decided. I think we have to let go of this idea of what quote unquote perfect is because perfect is bullshit. It doesn't exist and it's not real. It's not real, it's not tangible. It does not exist. I'm done, I'm not super mom. I appreciate when anyone says, oh my gosh, like you're doing it all. It's amazing. It's like, yeah, I'm doing it all with like people in the background. And it's nice when people say nice things to me. I appreciate it and it's kind and it's lovely. But it also will never remove any guilt I feel, right? Just because someone says you're doing a great job, like what does that mean? You know, it's like, okay, thanks. Like I appreciate that, but you still feel guilty, like working and and with kids and trying to balance this thing. It can be really hard, but I've just decided to trust in myself more than anything else. And I just I took a leap of faith with my business and it was the best decision I ever did. And I don't need approval from anybody. I don't need anyone to make decisions for me. I'm a grown adult. I can make my own decisions, and I feel really good about not needing that. And I hope, Mamas, for anyone listening to this, you can get to that place where you don't need approval from anybody to do anything if you really want to achieve the thing you want to achieve. Number nine, redefining guilt. So guilt is kind of like slowing down. It's not really a stop sign. We need to slow down what we think guilt is or how we feel as guilt. I know for me, a lot of times I feel really good after I cry. Do you? Do you feel good after you cry? I don't hate the idea if I'm uncomfortable. I get uncomfortable to get comfortable. And my husband has done this work. He's made me cry over the years, pushing me to a different level. And it's hard. I hate sometimes. I want to smash his head against a wall like you're an asshole. But I'm grateful that he pushed me a little bit further and I'm able to expand and go a little bit deeper. And I'm able to think differently. Because I want to reframe that, right? I know when I went through pregnancy anxiety, one of the biggest things I went through was reframing my thoughts. And I really want to reframe the guilt that I have or feel and reframe that and move that energy toward growth and expansion. Doesn't that feel good when we can move and shift energy from one thing we're thinking to another? We really need to think about this. When I was reframing my thoughts, I one of the things I went through was like, I'm not going to be a good mom. And it's like, well, why wouldn't I be a good mom? This feels hard, doesn't mean this is wrong. We need to start to think about things a little bit differently. And like I said, the biggest thing I went through was truly, truly, truly reframing. Reframing and shifting energy. Like if I'm feeling sad, well, why am I sad? What's the deep issue? And how can I get out of that? Who can I be around? What support? And when I think of grief, right? I remember when my mom lost her grandma, like my grandmother, her mom, and she just felt so sad. And it's hard. And everybody deals with grief very differently. But we were there to support her and to be there for her. And she was able to get out of it and feel really good. And I think when we think of guilt as well, like with kids, it's hard. And we might feel guilty, we're not feeding them the best food. But guess what? They're still getting fed. Even if we're not feeding them the best food, they're still getting fed. Or maybe we feel guilty we're not getting them the biggest or best gift. But you got them a gift. You got them something, right? If we think of the glass half full versus half empty, I think we'd probably be all a lot better off. And last but not least, I want to give you a couple tips or just lines. The permission you've been waiting for. You're allowed to want more. You're allowed to want more for your life. If you're not happy in a situation, find a way to get out of it. Find a way to find happiness. Find a way to want more for yourself. You are allowed to enjoy your work. You shouldn't feel stuck in something you're doing. You should feel excited to some level. I'm not saying work is perfect. There's plenty of stressful days in my business, but you're allowed to enjoy your work and you're allowed to feel good about the work that you're doing. Whether it is being a stay-at-home mom or whether it's working a full-time job or doing a mix of everything, you're allowed to enjoy it. You're allowed to build something while raising your kids. All about raising hustle with being a mompreneur. You are allowed to build a business with children. You are allowed to build the best version of yourself with children because you're allowed to do it your way, even if it is different. And there are no two ways that are the same. Everybody does things very differently. And you're allowed to express yourself in whatever way you want to express yourself. Because if this episode resonated with you, I just want to take, I want you to take a second and breathe. Because the truth is, you are never going to escape this guilt. Not by working less, not by doing more, not by being everything to everyone. So instead of trying to just eliminate it, what if you just stop letting it lead? What if you built your life based on what actually matters to you? What feels aligned to you? What brings you fulfillment, peace, and yes, even joy? Because you can still be a present, loving mom and still build something meaningful. You can hold both. And maybe the goal isn't to feel guilt, maybe it's to stop letting it decide who you get to be. Thanks so much for listening. This is just the beginning. Subscribe now to Raising Hustle and get ready for raw stories, real talk, and unapologetic ambition. We're showing up messy, loud, and all in. Because success doesn't wait for quiet. Let's raise our voices, our businesses, and our babies together.