From “Never” to “Whatever Works”: The Reality of Parenting vs. Our Pre-Kid Ideals

Before becoming parents, many of us have a clear vision of the kind of mom or dad we’ll be. Our kids won’t watch much TV. They’ll always eat healthy food. We’ll stay patient, structured, and calm.

And then real life with a baby begins.

Suddenly you’re sleep deprived, juggling work, trying to keep the house functioning, and raising a tiny human with very strong opinions about everything. The things we once said we would never do sometimes become the tools that help us get through the day.

In this episode of Raising Hustle, we’re talking about the shift from “I would never do that” to “whatever works today.” Not in a way that lowers standards, but in a way that replaces judgment with humility and guilt with grace.

Because parenting isn’t theoretical once you’re in it — it’s adaptive.

In this episode we cover:

• Why parenting feels easier to define before you actually have kids
 • The moment reality arrives and your baby has their own temperament
 • The famous “I’d never do that” parenting promises
 • How motherhood shifts judgment into empathy for other parents
 • Why survival seasons of parenting are not failure
 • Where mom guilt really comes from
 • What kids actually need most from their parents
 • Redefining what good parenting really looks like
 • Giving yourself grace as you learn parenting in real time

Because parenting stops being a philosophy once your baby arrives.

It becomes a relationship — and relationships require flexibility, patience, and a lot more grace than rules.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Welcome to Raising Hustle, the unfiltered podcast for the moms who are building empires with babies on their hips and grits in their hearts. I'm your host, Mariel Fry, bookkeeper by trade, hustler by nature, and mama by choice. Around here we're raising kids, raising hell, and raising the bar. If you're tired of choosing between nap time and next level dreams, this is your space. Let's redefine what it means to have it all on our own damn terms.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Hey hustlers and mamas, welcome back to Raising Hustle. Because for never to whatever works, we're really getting into the reality of parenting versus our pre-kid ideals. Because before we became parents, many of us had a very clear vision of the kind of mom or dad we'll become. Our kids won't watch too much TV. They'll always eat healthy food. We'll stay patient, calm, and structured. And then the real life of when a baby arrives. Suddenly you're sleep deprived, juggling work, trying to cook dinner, keep the house somewhat functioning, and raise a tiny human who has our own opinions about everything. Because in this episode, we're talking about the shift from I would never do that as a parent to whatever works today. Not in a way that lowered standards, but in a way that replaces judgment with humility and guilt with grace. Because parenting doesn't unfold the way we imagine it before we're in it. And sometimes the healthiest thing we can do for ourselves and our kids is just simply adapt. Number one, the confidence of pre-parenthood. So we all have these preconceived notions, the idea of what a child is going to be like in our life. I think when you're not a parent, it's so easy to make assumptions or to have opinions. We just think it's not bad or it's easy, or it can't be that hard or complicated. A lot of the times we have this preconceived notion due to culture and social media. I think of movies and TV shows and maybe having some influence of other people. But really, I think the biggest thing is we see other parents with kids, but we don't really see the full picture. And I was talking to somebody about this a while ago, where she would go over three, four hours to see a baby and then come home and be like, oh my God, baby's so cute, baby so this, baby so that. But she wasn't in the day to day. Like she didn't wake up with the baby or go to sleep with the baby or know everything in between. So it's really hard if you're not getting the full visual and the full 360 to really know or understand because it is an illusion, right? It's an absolute illusion of what we think to versus what's actually real. And I think I personally wasn't as confident. I was certainly not one of those people who like was like, yes, I really want kids. I was very skeptical. I knew it was be hard. I think you don't know how hard it is until you're in it. But for some people, they might have full confidence that like they want kids, they know this is it. And they're just, they have this full idea. And like, kudos to you. And if you feel that way, even after a baby, like write a book, tell everyone about it. Everybody's gonna want to know your secret. That's for damn sure. Number two, when the moment of reality actually arrives, because it's a shift of like, okay, you were pregnant for nine, 10 months, you're growing this baby, you still don't have the baby in your arms. And as soon as the baby is here, shit changes so quick. It's crazy. I would say the biggest change for my husband and I was the sleep deprivation. For the first, our baby slept at 11, 12 weeks. And for anyone still going through sleep deprivation, that is like six months to a year or even longer. Oh my gosh, I don't know how you function as a human. I give you so much credit because I think sleep deprivation is the death to everyone. I forgot what statistic it was, but they said like sleep driving is almost worse than alcohol driving. Because when you're tired, I mean, and I've driven tired, it is awful. You feel drunk, truthfully, and it's it's miserable. I hated that part. And I'm nervous as I record this. I'm pregnant with my second, and I'm terrified to go back to the sleep deprivation. The one thing we've learned this time was we would do shifts for sure. I'm not planning to breastfeed or pump, it's just formula. So my husband will take 50-50 shift of this. Learning that your baby has its own temperament, every baby is different. I cannot give you baby advice because I don't know how your baby's gonna be or react or how you feed or sleep or anything. I can only tell you about mine and know that a baby has a life of its own. They cry, they pee, they poop, they have temperaments, all the things. And I think, especially as a newborn, I did not like the newborn phase. I tell a lot of people this and I give this advice because a referral partner gave it to me in the entrepreneurial space, where she said, You're not weird if you don't connect with your newborn baby. And I didn't connect with my son for a while. It was not like this instant connection. It was really hard. And then I had to take care of this thing. I had to take care of this like alien almost. It was so crazy. And your world like completely changes of everything you thought to what it actually became. It's so different. Your routines go to shit, your plans go to shit. You just are like winging it and battling and figuring out this new little human being in your life that you love, you love this human being, but you don't know how to like manage or deal. It's like the biggest game of trial and error I've ever been through. Because look, if you think you're like, and even I hired a night nurse consultant who even told me the first two weeks, don't expect any routine, like zero. Just like live with it, breathe, like survive. That's like truly all you can do. Because you have to be flexible, shifting, adapting constantly. I would say, especially the first three to six months, like you constantly have to shift and adapt to a baby and their needs and their schedule and all of it. And it's really, really hard. And I'm not gonna tell you it's easy. It's worth it. I love my son now. And not that I didn't, I don't want to say it like that, but it's really hard in the beginning. And it is, I had Fiona Sam's. If you haven't listened to that episode already, she talks about how you're she's a doula and she does night nurse consulting and but also probably night nursing as well. She will tell you newborn stage is like the trenches, it is the hardest stage. And I think it's really hard. Every stage is hard, but you have your trade-offs. The newborn stage is just nonstop, truly. Number three, the famous, I would never do that. So let's see. Let's hear some common ones that many people make. My kid will never watch TV. First of all, you're full of shit. I would say not saying, okay, I don't want to say full of shit. I feel like I naturally said that, but I didn't want my kid to watch so much TV. But look, sometimes I need TV. I need to just get laundry done. I need to get dishes done. And I can't have my son crawling on me constantly or me wanting to play with him constantly. Sometimes, like, and they want to break too. And I think a lot of people kind of forget this. Like, they're little humans as well. And my son, like, he could play hard and run around and play in the chalk and bubbles and friends and everything. Sometimes my son wants a break and just wants to sit and watch TV and like relax. As humans, we want that too. So can you blame a child? So, yes, I put on TV. Am I strict about the TV? Not necessarily at the moment. I'm sure as I get older and look, when they're in school, they're not going to be into TV. Like, I never watch TV anymore as an adult. It's pretty rare. But I try to be careful of the type of TV my son watches. I try to put on like old school, like PBS or Barney or Llama Llama or Puff and Rock. Like I want slower shows, and that's a personal choice. I am very anti-a lot of shows in my home. Um, I won't say them because I don't want anyone to have a preconceived notion. But there's a lot of shows I do not put on for my child for a lot of reasons. But there's a lot of shows I'm very happy to put on, like a Bluey or Clifford the Big Red Dog or Curious George or old shows. Like I love those shows. So those are just my jam. They'll only eat organic homemade food. Ha ha. No. I so let me caveat this. I try to bake really good food for my son. I do actually a lot with cottage cheese, which sounds weird, but he likes it. He eats cottage cheese, which my husband and I don't eat, but I make him cottage cheese muffins, cottage cheese cookies, I make cottage cheese pizza. I try to give him organic blueberries, organic bananas. I give him organic peanut butter. I do organic bread. Like at home, I really try to be very good. I would say out, it's kind of survival at this point. If he's hungry, I feed him. And I'm not perfect, but you just really do the best you can as a parent. And there is no judging or shaming this. I just try to give him healthier alternatives and better options. But again, I'm not perfect and you won't be either. I mean, if you are, God bless, but I'm certainly not. I'll never raise my voice. Yeah, okay. My house will probably not be in the 90s, but look, if my son is gonna be out of line, we say Mikey, like stop. Like we tell our child no. And I'm not afraid to raise my voice to tell my child to stop doing something. Like if he's trying to touch something gross, I'm like, icky, ew. And I try to just reiterate that over and over and over again. So you're not gonna be perfect. I don't necessarily I don't, I'm not against gentle parenting, but sometimes you have to raise your voice, and that's how they listen. And it's okay if you have to. There's been times I've raised my voice and it's not nice, but it does get the point across sometimes. So don't feel like you're a failure in that. My child will always follow a schedule. No, my child doesn't. I am very good with the flow. I think as an entrepreneur, it's very hard for me to be structured. I just I can't be, not in my season of life right now. If my son's tired and needs to nap, I let him nap. If I have to go out during his nap time, we go out. Yes, it hurts me in the long run, but I do what I have to do sometimes. And unless you can be extremely regimented in your life, depending on what you do, it will be very challenging for you. So it really depends on what is going to work best for you and your family. And we'll never use devices in restaurants. LOL. So everybody has a hot take on this. I do not want my kid on an iPad. I don't want him to be an iPad baby. Nothing against that. I just really try to just not take him to restaurants. I think it's not fun for me. Frankly, I don't think it's fun for him. He goes to bed at a decent hour. So going out to a restaurant with him honestly feels miserable. He's a boy, and I feel boys just like to be a little more wild. So I don't enjoy it. Not for one second. Maybe when he's like four or five and a little more behaved, we can consider it. But right now, season of life, no way. And look, there's been times of taking him out, and I do use my phone for teletubbies. I'm not perfect. Or like we've had to do it a couple of times, but typically we don't like to take our child out to a restaurant for that reason. I'd rather him be home in his own bed and not out and about. Again, I get why people use the devices. I don't hate on anybody. You need to get through a dinner and like enjoy your dinner. I just do not want to take a child out to dinner if I don't have to. And so that means I don't go out as much. But that's the sacrifice I'm willing to make because I want to make my life easier and more manageable. There's no right or wrong way to this, by the way. There's no this, that, or the other. It's like you have to make decisions that work well for you and your family. And these are just some of my decisions, but it doesn't mean you need to agree. You could disagree. That's fine. I don't hate or judge or shame anybody. We're all just in this together, doing our very best. Number four, judgment before kids versus empathy after. Motherhood really shifts this in you. Because, like I just mentioned, I don't judge anybody who needs an iPad for dinner. I think I used to not judge judge before, but I used to think, God, like they like can't entertain their kid or like why are they on a screen? But now I'm like, they're just trying to get by. They're just trying to get by a meal. For fuck's sake, they just want to eat a meal. And I don't blame them. Again, my husband and I, typically what we do, we'll hire a babysitter, but we like I said, we don't go out. Or if one of us goes out, like I'll go out with a referral partner or a client, likewise, my husband too, and like one of us will be home. And it's just not worth it for us to go out as a family, not in this season of life. Other understanding survival decisions. I think before you're a parent, you really don't understand some of these decisions you have to make. But now that I am a parent, there are some decisions that like I need to stick by. And I don't expect people to agree with my decisions, but they're my decisions and how I feel. And that's how I survive and get through my day. And you just do the best you can with that because you have to realize every single family is such a unique situation. Every single family, every single situation. I have a friend of mine who lives in the neighborhood. Her husband is Coast Guard. And so they moved to Charleston for two years so he can do on and off deployment. And it's challenging because she's alone for like a month or two, three, four months, depending on however long his deployment is. I mean, he comes home and he's not home four to six months, but it's very challenging. It's very challenging. She has unique situations that I will never understand. Even though my husband works five, six days a week minimally, he still comes home every night. And that's a big difference. When you have a husband who is like literally not home for a month or two, you can feel so lonely. And that is really challenging. And for me, I just tried to be there for her of like cooking dinner for her, hanging out with her, spending time with her, because I never wanted her to feel so, so alone. And so I just tried to be there. And I think if we can all be there for each other a little bit more to what we can makes a big difference. I think the humility, I think the humbling thing of parenting, per se, parenting is humbling. Like, I don't even know how to like word this or describe this any other way. Parenting is very, very humbling. And every baby is different. So I can't speak to that. But being a parent, there's a lot of like learning you do along the way. And you just have to give grace and kindness to other people. I know for me, one of the things I did for a girlfriend of mine before she had her baby was I said, we're doing like a meal prep day. She tattooed BC'd recipes, me, her, and another girl all went over. And we just cooked meals for her. We made all kinds of sheet pans, we did chilies, we did smoothies, we did muffins, like you name it, we we cooked it. And she, I told her we're gonna do this. And she goes, I'm so sorry I didn't do this for you. And I said, You didn't know. How would you know? You don't know until you're in it. And we, I know with my identity shift in this, I've just had a lot more empathy for moms. Not that I didn't before, because I always thought being a mom was hard, but this shit is fucking hard. And the empathy I have for any mom, especially a new mom, I just want to cry for them because it's so hard. I know they got this and they're gonna do amazing, but it's really hard. And you just try to have a heart to help others as much as you can. I know one of the biggest things I've done since having my son, one of the things that have really tremendously helped me and what made me really appreciative and just wake up was people just brought me meals. Like it's such a silly thing to do, but like a home-cooked meal. Like one girl brought me like a chicken noodle soup with all the ingredients in it. And like I wanted to cry at how incredible she was. Like I just had people drop like casseroles, I had people drop off and all kinds of things. And it was so amazing that since I've become a mom, I've done like big ZD for a couple of people. I love to make a big, big CD tray and then they can heat it up and eat it. And I just feel I want to help and give as much as I can because I know the struggle of what that's like because it's so freaking hard. Number five, survival mode is not failure. So I want to kind of dive into this because this is a season of life. Your child will not be a baby forever. Thank God. But really, like we are surviving day-to-day to some level. And because you're in survival mode, you're not like failing. You're just in a season of life where this is really fucking hard. And I don't want to say it's better, because I hate when people say that to me. There are moments where you have trade-offs, where yes, it's easier, but also harder. And so in this season of life, I think part of it is sleep regression. You feel like an absolute failure, not get your kid to sleep. But what you don't realize is baby's stomachs, like little babies, their stomachs are so small, they can only fit so much. And the constant, like you just want to make sure that they sleep, eat, and poop. That's it. You just want them to keep that flow going for a bit until they grow. You're not a failure. You're just in survival mode, keeping a baby alive. Like, that's it. There's no failure in that. That's actually winning. Like the fact that you're keeping a baby alive and surviving on little sleep, like, kudos to you. You're crushing it more than you can imagine. Because look, as kids get older, look, my son teethed. He's gone through massive developmental leaps. I remember a friend of mine thought my son had issues crawling. And I was very concerned. I was gonna call a physical therapist, pediatrician therapist, whatever. Then two weeks later, he crawled. And so I think we have to let go of like thinking our kid is gonna be on a perfect timeline, like to walk, to crawl, to get teeth. Like I've had friends, their sons and daughters have had teeth at four months. I know people who didn't get teeth till 18 months. It's all different. We're all surviving. It's all unique. And every routine is different, every child is different. And you surviving that, you're you're not a failure. Like you're getting by and you're doing everything you can and you're doing an amazing job if no one's told you that already. Because then, on top of that, right? On top of surviving, dealing with a child, you are now dealing with work and being a mom, depending on your work situation. And I know being an entrepreneur myself, I didn't really take a maternity leave. I'm gonna be very honest with you. And I think as recording this with my second coming, my timing is better because it's my slower season, but it doesn't mean I'm not gonna be busy. Doesn't mean shit's not gonna hit the fan. I just think I'm not gonna try to work as much. But it doesn't mean I'm not working, right? And trying to figure out that balance, quote unquote. There's no such thing. But trying to figure out this new way of like, okay, I was able to figure it out like working and having one child, but now how can I work with two? And what does that look like? And some of it will be survival, but other days you figure it out because you know that the days you're surviving, you're still a successful parent. Like the fact that you care so much about this baby and the feeding and the changing and the transition and all of it, you're still a successful parent and you're still doing a great fucking job. Because look, let's be real. Like, again, I talk about gratitude. You can't have gratitude 24-7. It's crazy. And you're not gonna thrive every day. You're not gonna wake up and be like, today's gonna be this a blessed, beautiful, amazing, a gracious day. What the fuck? No, some days you're just trying to like make it through a day and you're still doing a great job and you're still successful in it. It just means you're just surviving and getting through because no two days are the same. And parenting, just like no two days are the same and being an entrepreneur and surviving is okay. Maybe you're not thriving, but you're surviving and you're being a good parent and you're doing everything you can. So if this is your permission slip, you're doing a great freaking job. Number six, why guilt shows up so easily. So I've talked about being a good mom. I've talked about guilt throughout this entire podcast with raising hustle. The perfect mom thing sucks. I have a whole episode about being a good mom, so I won't dive so deep. But so much of this perfect mom of like working and having a child and taking care of a house and like doing everything because we're just so capable is bullshit. The pressure of it is insane. It's insane. You can't do it all, and nor should you be expected to. And I think the worst part of it is when you compare. My husband always says comparison is the thief of joy, and I believe it. I think when you compare, you can't put it this way: you can't compare your situation of no village to someone who has a village of like family coming over and people coming by and having the help. It's not even a fair comparison. It's not even fair for one second because they have so much help that they're gonna have a wildly different expectation of motherhood in life versus you having no help. My mom never had help. She never really had family come by, she never had babysitters, she never did any of it. She just did it and somehow survived. Um, God bless. I don't know how she did it. I really like think about that all the time. Like, I don't even know how she did it. But to compare that is awful. It's awful. It's two totally different situations that are just not even comparable. You're comparing like an apple to chocolate. It's wildly different. Both are good, but both are very different textures, compositions, flavors, everything. So the comparison thing is just crap. And I think for women, we feel pressure to constantly be right and to do it right in this perfectionism. And it doesn't work. We're not perfect. So let's stop being perfect. Perfect doesn't exist. I think we also think about choices we make, big or small, and how they define us. We're not going to get every choice right. We're not going to get every decision right. And the quicker you realize that, the better you will realize that it's just like stupid guilt talking. It doesn't make any sense. And the biggest difference is intention and reality. I think before coming a parent, you have very good intentions of what you think you're going to do. But then the reality sets in and you're like, oh shit, this is very different. You still can have intention what you want to do, but sometimes it's going to look very different with the reality. So don't let those confuse you too much. Number seven, what kids actually need most. So I think we have this preconceived idea that, you know, maybe we we don't know what kids really need. We think they need love and compassion. Yes, they do need that. But what I can tell my son wants, even at recording this 17, 18 months, he wants just my emotional safety. Like when he falls and cries, he wants me to come over and give him a hug and just say, it's okay, baby. It's okay. That's what they want. They want, especially zero to three, they want that emotional safety. And I know as like progression of age, they want something different from you at every stage. But the stage I'm in currently is if my kid falls, he wants a hug and a cuddle and things are okay. And once he knows that, he's totally fine. Or maybe he needs a nap and it depends on the time of day or what's happening. But your child wants to know that they're safe with you and they want to know that you're gonna be there for them. And I that's really important. And I think a lot of times we don't even, maybe we should think about it, but maybe we don't. And so it's something that I've really thought of. Yes, he wants my love and my care and feeding and all of that, but he wants to know he's safe around me, emotionally safe. Because my child would rather have a regulated, happy parent than some perfect routine. I think as adults, we want a routine because we're conditioned, but a child doesn't understand routine. My child is not routined. He just wants me there for him. Like my son now is at a point where I can like walk, like I can put on TV, like walk away, like literally the room over, all open concept. He and I'm in the kitchen doing dishes, and he will try to find me and get off the couch because he can get off a couch and he will want to be literally on my leg. I put him in a toddler tower. I give him some stuff to do, and he wants to be there right with me. And he just wants to see me and know I'm there. And even if he plays near me, he wants to know I'm there. He wants to me to be present with him. He wants me to watch him and see him and have a relationship. And that's his way of building a relationship and trust with me. I'm not gonna try to perform and be all these things. I'm just gonna actually be there for him. And that's what I love about being a mom panor is like I can have my days where I'm working, but I can also have my days where I'm fulfilled spending time with him. I get my cup filled just as much as he does too. And again, I think it's being flexible as a parent. I think before you have a kid, maybe you think you're gonna be strict, or maybe you think you're gonna be harsh, or you're gonna have a certain rules or expectations. But for me now, I am so flexible. I'm so adaptable. And maybe it's because I have my own business. I'm not as rigid with my schedule, but I'm able to just like let it be. And people always comment how happy my son is and funny and sweet. And I think a lot of that has to do with like letting him be him the way he should be. And part of that's being flexible and adaptable and shifting, just like in business, you have to have those skills too. Parenting is the same thing. Because I think a child really benefits from having like adaptable, flexible parents anyway. When you I've seen kids where I was talking to a friend of mine who doesn't have kids, but loves kids, and she was talking about this woman who she was friends with, and she is a very rigid, routined person. Like bed at seven o'clock, no later, food at five o'clock on the dot. Like very, like almost military. And you can tell her daughter is just not happy because she's on such a routine. And I'm not saying kids shouldn't be on a routine, let me be clear. I think routines can be bendable and flexible. But look, I don't need my son to go to bed every night at the same time now. But he's always gonna go to bed before 6:30, 7 o'clock, almost every night. I know he's gonna eat certain foods at certain times of the day. Like he's definitely routined, but I'm flexible in terms of what we do, where we go. Like, I don't try to put like such a rigid timestamp on it because I'm miserable because I don't want to do it, but he doesn't want to do it. So I think kids really adapt to parents who are flexible because they want to be flexible too. Yes, there's some routine, but there's also allowed to be some kind of flexibility. Number eight, redefining what good parenting looks like. So I'm not gonna tell you I'm some 30-year parent. That's just not me. But being a parent for under two years, under my belt at this point, you change over time. Your philosophies change, your mindset changes, and you can find other opinions from people, family, etc., and you have your own. And they evolve over time. And that takes time. There is no perfect definition of this. But you have to, for one, let go of these rigid, crazy ideals. And knowing that you evolve and change is as a human is totally okay. I actually feel like I'm learning from my child more than anything else. Sure, you try to control some things, but generally not really. I just try to let it go because you can only control so much. And some things aren't truly out of your control. I think you have to adjust expectations without losing any values. If you have a certain religious belief or political belief or thought process or morals and values, whatever, you're as your child grows, like you adjust the expectation and you shift and you change. Doesn't mean your values go away and the values you instill in your children don't go away. There's just different ways of perception and talking about it. And that's okay. If you have to go a different direction, you're still a really good parent. If anything, you're an amazing parent. Because what you're doing is finding flexibility in your family dynamic. And you're seeing what works for your family and what doesn't work for your family. Because being a good parent is allowing that mistakes can happen, but like resolving those mistakes and how you make it better. I would rather be a parent personally to be more thoughtful in my approach. Look, I think you have to be a little rigid. I'm not gonna say you shouldn't be, we shouldn't be 100% anything. Let's be clear on this. We're never gonna be 100% happy, we're never gonna be 100% sad, we're never gonna be 100% mad, we're never gonna be 100% excited. I think we just have to think about not having so many rigid, crazy rules because kids just don't like crazy, crazy rules. Look, you're gonna be realistic of like be home at a certain time or get homework done, or I'm kind of rigid-ish with going to bed at a certain time. But I like having thoughtful decisions and being mindful. That to me feels good. And that might not feel good to you, but my goal is to not judge anybody on this. It's kind of whatever works for you. Whatever works for you, that you feel you're doing everything you can to define what a good parent is. My hat's off to you. We're all in this together. Kumbaya. And last but not least, giving yourself grace as a parent. I think if you don't give yourself grace, you're gonna hate all of this. You have to give yourself grace as a parent. You are doing an amazing job. Even on your toughest days, your days you have breakdowns, your days where you feel like shit, your days that just couldn't go more wrong than they possibly could go wrong. Parenting is learned in real time. I say it's the biggest game of trial and error that you'll ever play in your entire life. You'll never get it right. Like as a parent, as much as you think you're gonna be, like, you're probably not. I know I'm not. I'm not perfect. I probably get shit wrong constantly, but I'm gonna give myself grace and permission to know like I'm doing the best I can, and that's okay. Because the emotional load of motherhood is also really hard. And I give myself grace. Like, you know what? If I don't get to something today, oh well, I don't care. I get through it. And I really have tried to forgive myself a lot more. I think before a baby, maybe I didn't. But now, since after having my son, I really look to forgive myself as much as I can. Like I'm not human and I apologize constantly because I know I fuck up. I know I make mistakes, I'm not perfect. And again, before having kids, it's like, well, I'm I made a mistake and I'm sorry, and that's it. But I think since becoming a parent, I am the first to forgive myself and I made a mistake and I'm not perfect. And that's what I want to instill in my kids is that if I make a mistake, I'm gonna own up to it and apologize. And I hope that they forgive me. Because I'll forgive myself, but I hope that they forgive me too. And again, I think it's this whole idea of like good enough parenting, like my word of 2026 is enough. I'm just gonna do what I can, and that's enough. It's okay. Good enough parenting is gonna help you get by in so many ways. Because when you say you're perfect, you're gonna let yourself down. And when you say you're a shit parent, you're gonna make yourself feel like shit. But when you say good enough, you're you're doing the best you can. You're providing, you're taking care of your littles, you're doing everything you can. And to me, that is a very healthy approach. Giving yourself the grace, allowing yourself to know like good days and bad days, it's a wave, you'll ride it, and you're gonna be okay. Because before we have kids, parenting feels like an absolute philosophy. But once we have kids, it becomes a relationship. A relationship with a small human who has their own personality, needs, emotions, and rhythms. The things we once judged, screen time, quick meals, flexible routines, sometimes becomes the tools that help us navigate real life. And that doesn't make us bad parents. It makes us human parents. Parenting isn't about perfectly executing a set of ideals. It's about showing up, adjusting, learning, and loving our children through the messy realities of everyday life. So if you're caught doing something we once said you'd never do, take a breath, you're not failing, you're parenting in real life. And real parenting requires a lot more grace than rules.

SPEAKER_00 33:20

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