I Am Bitter - Part 3 - Learning to Forgive: Fully Healing the Heart

 Do you say, If I forgive, I am saying it didn’t matter. Or my anger is justified, so I can hold onto it. Do you replay the hurt in your mind over and over? Today, I will share three steps about how God can help you learn to forgive.

Step 1: What forgiveness is. God commands us to forgive, “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Col. 3:13 Then why is it so hard to do?

Choosing to forgive is to trust God with the outcome. 

Forgiveness is a choice; it’s a decision, a crisis of the will. Jesus reminds us to “Be merciful, just as your Heavenly Father is merciful.” (Luke 6:36 NIV) 

Step 2: What forgiveness is not.

Forgiveness is not excusing harm. Forgiveness is not forgetting instantly. Forgiveness is not trusting immediately. “We must forgive, so that no advantage is taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes.” (2 Corinthians 2:10, 11 NIV) Not forgiving those who have wronged us gives Satan more ammunition to war against us. 

Step 3: Learn to forgive. 

Jesus’s crucifixion wounds belonged to us; He was punished in our place to satisfy God’s requirement. His sacrifice provided for our righteousness. “Christ had no sin, but God made him become sin so that in Christ we could become right with God” (2 Corinthians 5:21 NCV). 

“God forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases” Psalm 107:3 

“God, the Father made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf.” 2 Corinthians 5:21 Forgiveness is not forgetting. 

“God remembers our sins no more.”  Psalms 103:12  “Love…keeps no record of wrongs.”   I Corinthians 13:5

 I forgive someone who doesn’t deserve it?

“Lord, I will forgive (the person’s name) for making me feel __________. Lord Jesus I choose not to hold onto my resentment. Bless them.”

Step 1: What forgiveness is. God commands us to forgive, “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Col. 3:13 

Step 2: What forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not excusing harm. “We must forgive, so that no advantage is taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes.” (2 Corinthians 2:10, 11 NIV)

Step 3: Learn to forgive: Forgiveness is not a feeling—it is a release. “Christ had no sin, but God made him become sin so that in Christ we could become right with God” (2 Corinthians 5:21 NCV)

“Lord, thank You for forgiving me of my sins. God, I choose healing over holding”

Thank you for joining me, I am excited to be part of your journey. Please share this episode and hit subscribe so you don't miss any new episodes. I can't wait for you to experience God's peace, comfort, and wholeness.

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Transcript

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If you've ever said, if I forgive, I'm saying it didn't matter, or you don't know what they did to me, or I can't forgive, so I can hold on to the anger, my hurt. Do you replay that hurt over and over in your mind? Today I'll share three steps about how God can help you learn to forgive. Restore your heart starts right now. When your heart is hurting or broken, God's heart breaks right along with yours. If you're anything like me, you've asked questions like, why am I going through this? Or how long will my suffering last? Or will this pain ever stop? You've felt abandoned and alone. Be encouraged. You've found a friend here who knows. God understands each hurt. God cares about each loss. Everything that has happened to you has broken God's heart. Let's get started. Today, we're going to define what forgiveness is and what it is not. I will share three steps about how with God's help you can find freedom through forgiveness. Step number one, what forgiveness is. God commands us to forgive, but what is it? In Colossians chapter 3, verse 13, God tells us, forgive as the Lord forgave you. Then why is forgiving so hard to do? Well, forgiveness is releasing the right to punish. Forgiveness is agreeing to live with another person's sin. And the choice to forgive others means no one really forgives without bearing the consequences of the other person's sin. This doesn't mean that we say it's okay or condone the sin, but we forgive the sinner. The act of forgiveness is applying what Jesus did by substituting his life as a payment for our sins. God required his son Jesus Christ to give himself up as a sacrifice for our sins. God has granted us substitutionary forgiveness. The Old Testament records God's requirement for the blood of a lamb to satisfy the substitutionary requirement. In Hebrews 9 22, this concept is described of an innocent life in payment for the sin of a human being. The law says that almost everything must be made clean by blood, and sins cannot be forgiven without blood to show death. In essence, the Lord Jesus is our substitute, literally becoming sin for us. It's best explained in John chapter 1, verse 29. Look, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world. So choosing to forgive is to trust God with the outcome. Forgiving others is an act of obedience. And there are so many things that happen that are just horrible, like robbery, divorce, molestation, murder, and rape. These things can cause us to feel justified to hold on to our pain. We're angry at the events and the avengers, and we want revenge on them. Karen Skalf Linneman says a grudge usually has a legitimate beginning. It's someone that we trust, an acquaintance, a friend, a family member. They do something that causes us to feel hurt. But here's where the logic goes awry. Too often we say, if I have a right to feel hurt, then I must have a right to feel hurt for a very, very long time. Good, huh? It's very profound when you think that way. But you know, wrongs done against us are very difficult to overcome, and we can't do it without God's help. Let me explain. Forgiveness is a choice, it's a decision, it's a crisis of the will. Jesus reminds us in Luke 6 36 be merciful, just as your heavenly Father is merciful. Although it is still our choice to forgive or not, if we want mercy, we're commanded to be merciful to those who have wronged us through offering them forgiveness. They don't deserve it, neither do we, but God commands us to offer it. Forgiveness is a supernatural process. Complete forgiveness can only take place as we submit to our Heavenly Father through repentance. In repenting, we trust the unwavering love of God and completely depend on the power of the Holy Spirit. This happens through our choice to submit, repent, confess, and speak God's truth over ourselves. Step number two, what forgiveness is not? Forgiveness is not excusing harm. Forgiveness is not forgetting instantly. Forgiveness is not trusting immediately. Unforgiveness can be used by the enemy as a trap, so we can't move ahead in our Christian walk. God has a plan for your life, and so does Satan. Bitterness, anger, and hate are all products of unforgiveness, but they can be resolved as we choose to forgive our offenders. Through God's word, our minds are renewed and we can be trained not to use the past against those who have wronged us. Each of us will have opportunities to forgive, but some of us will have many opportunities. I love this scripture in 2 Corinthians 2, 10 and 11. We must forgive so that no advantage is taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes. Not forgiving those who have wronged us gives the enemy more ammunition to war against us. Joyce Meyer said, Who are you helping most when you forgive the person who hurt you? You're helping yourself more than the other person. And we are also helping the other person by releasing them to God so he can do what only he can do. Trying to take revenge or control the situation myself, God has no obligation to deal with that person. However, if we trust God and choose to forgive, he will take care of the rest. He is faithful to bring a harvest of blessing to us one way or another. And that, my friend, is a promise to cling to. Step number three, learn to forgive. Jesus' crucifixion wounds belong to us. He was punished in our place to satisfy God's requirement. His sacrifice provided for our righteousness. Here's another great scripture, 2 Corinthians 5.21. Christ had no sin, but God made him become sin so that in Christ we could become right with God. We can learn to relate to others the way God relates to us. God gave us a way to keep the lines of communication open between him and us. We can learn to forgive completely. And when we forgive someone who doesn't deserve it, we hand the justice over to God. God asks us to trust him by offering forgiveness to those who don't deserve it. We are called to be merciful, just as our Heavenly Father is merciful to us and to forgive others as we've been forgiven. When we do, it sets us free from our past and doesn't allow the enemy to take advantage of us. Forgiveness is God's idea. So you might be asking, how do I forgive someone who doesn't deserve it? I'm going to share a simple prayer that I learned from Freedom in Christ Ministries. It goes like this Lord, I will forgive. And then you place the person's name in there for making me feel, and then you describe your feelings. You could even describe the event, what happened to make you feel that way. And then you intentionally pray, Lord Jesus, I choose not to hold on to my resentment. Bless them. So today's unshakable truth is in Christ, you can find freedom through forgiveness. When you feel hurt, angry, or misunderstood, like Pastor Paul and I did when we were fired from the church staff, forgiving those who don't deserve it is the pathway to heal. And as you honestly bring your feelings and hurt to God, He can heal you. I told God, I release my pain, my bitterness, my anger, all my feelings and hurt to you. And that's when God healed me. And then I declared, I choose healing over holding. I challenge you to use the three steps to invite God to heal your broken heart. Let's recap what those are. Step number one, what forgiveness is. God commands us to forgive in Colossians 3 13. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Remember what forgiveness is? It's releasing the right to punish. It's agreeing and handing justice over to God. Step number two, what forgiveness is not? Forgiveness is not excusing harm. Forgiveness is not forgetting instantly. Forgiveness is not trusting immediately. Second Corinthians 2, 10 and 11. We must forgive so that no advantage is taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes. Step number three, learn to forgive. Forgiveness is not a feeling, it's obedience. Jesus' crucifixion wounds belong to us. He was punished in our place to satisfy God's requirement. His sacrifice paid for our righteousness. 2 Corinthians 5.21. Christ had no sin, but God made him become sin so that in Christ we could become right with God. Let's pray. Father, thank you for making a way for us to become right with God. Thank you for forgiving me of my sins. Father, I choose healing over holding. In Jesus' name, amen. Thanks for joining me on Restore Your Heart. This is the I Am Bitter series, and this episode is part three. I am learning to forgive, healing the heart fully. If this message of God's unshakable truth resonated with you, please share this episode with a friend who's bitter or angry. Let's help each other walk in freedom. You don't have to wonder if God will free you. You don't have to carry anger or hate. With Christ as your substitute, you can receive his healing for your angry heart today. Please subscribe at S H E R Y L, G as and Go, T as and Tom.com. I'm Cheryl Geespreck Turner, and this is Restore Your Heart. I hope you'll join me next time as we talk about what happens when you become a new creation in Christ. We'll discuss our identity in Christ. See you then.