Understanding Grief: Why Does This Hurt So Much?

 Understanding Grief: Why Does This Hurt So Much? 

Understanding Grief - Tip #1:

1.    Why does grief hurt so much? 

         Grief is disruptive, disorderly. It’s the heart’s response to loss. When we grieve, we have an opportunity to look inward.  Grief isn’t weakness or lack of faith. Grief is the heart’s response to loss. Let me encourage you, grief is normal even though you may feel like you are losing your mind, it’s intense, you’ll feel off balance. Grief is like an uninvited houseguest that stays too long and refuses to leave. David told God exactly how he felt in his cry for help, in Psalm 62:2-3, “My bones are in agony. My soul is in aguish. How long, O Lord, how long?” David wanted his grief to be done. Over. Finished. Grief is a natural part of life. Your feelings are normal. I hope it helps to know other people have felt these same emotions. 

As believers, we can choose to believe God’s word, and let His truth overshadow all lies, doubt, fear, and distrust. In God’s Word we find answers to all of our questions: Does God care? What will happen to me? If God loved me why did my person or my dream die? You can have peace in the midst of all situations. “Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all.” 2 Thess. 3:16

Understanding Grief - Tip # 2. Will this pain ever end?

Grief is a process we must go through. Leaning into grief does not mean staying stuck or wallowing in it. Although we may be surprised by how long grief lasts, it is important to feel what we feel. In the days, weeks, and months after Pastor Paul’s death, keeping a handwritten journal helped me process my grief. Emotions need to be expressed, not pent up. Don’t store them; they always come out, one way or another. We can choose to express our emotions honestly—even with tears. Tears are a gift. Jesus showed us this when He wept at the tomb of His dear friend. Tears help cleanse our systems and are an appropriate response to losing someone who mattered. Grief is not a sign of weakness. When we deeply loved the one who is departed, grief is the price you pay for loving someone. If there were no love, there would be no grief. There is a time and season for your grief. Ecc. 3:4 says, “a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.”

Understanding Grief - Tip #3: Do the next thing

No matter how long it’s been since your loved one has died, you can choose to follow the “ABC’s of Grief” (GriefShare™).

A — Always be true to your grief. Grieve your own grief. No one can do it for you.
B — Believe you will get to the end. Take the time you need and let grief take you to a deeper relationship with God.
C — Communicate what you need. Be honest with your pain and your emotions. Preach the Gospel to yourself and wait on God to heal you.

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors though Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:36, 37

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Paul didn't make it. He has died. In a second, everything changed. My college sweetheart, husband of 28 years, the father of my children, was gone. Have you ever experienced the death of a loved one? Are you overwhelmed by grief? Do you say, My loved one has died, and my future and hope have too? Today, I share three tips so you can better understand what grief is and how to grieve with hope in God. Restore your heart starts right now. Each week I bring tips and tools from God's Word to help you identify and overcome triggers, trauma, or tragedy. When your heart is hurting or broken, God's heart breaks right along with yours. If you're anything like me, you've asked questions like, why am I going through this? Or when will my suffering end? Or will my pain ever stop? You felt abandoned and alone. Be encouraged. You've found a friend here who knows. God understands each hurt. God cares about each loss. Everything that has happened to you has broken God's heart. Let's get started. I am so sorry for your loss. I'm grateful God brought you here so we can walk together through your season of loss. When my first husband, Pastor Paul Giesprecht, was suddenly killed in a motorcycle accident, I wondered if I would survive. In the days, weeks, and months that followed, God's presence became more real. His people surrounded me with support, and I discovered God's word, the Bible, had to be my daily bread. I pray you will find healing and hope through our time together in this four-part series, Grief When Your Heart Hurts. Today's message is understanding grief. Why does this hurt so much? Understanding grief, tip one. Why does grief hurt so much? When we hear the word grief, most of us think about losing someone we love. And certainly death does bring deep grief. But grief is much bigger than death. We grieve the marriage we thought we'd have, the child we'd hoped for, the diagnosis we never expected, the friendship that ended, the dream that didn't happen, the person we used to be, the future we thought was waiting for us. If you've lost something you loved, you've probably experienced grief. Grief is disruptive and disorderly. It's the heart's response to loss. When we grieve, we have an opportunity to look inward. Grief is not weakness or lack of faith. Grief is the heart's response to loss. Let me encourage you. Grief is normal, although you may feel like losing your mind. Grief is intense and you feel off balance. Grief is an uninvited house guest that stays too long and refuses to leave. David told God exactly how he felt in his cry for help in Psalm 62, verses 2 and 3. My bones are in agony, my soul is in anguish. How long, O Lord, how long? David wanted his grief to be done, over, finished. Grief is a natural part of life and your feelings are normal. I hope it helps to know that other people have felt these same emotions. As believers, we can choose to believe God's word and let his truth overshadow all lies, doubt, fear, and distrust. In God's word, we find answers to all of our questions. Does God care? What will happen to me? If God loved me, why did my person or my dream die? We can have peace in the midst of all situations. 2 Thessalonians 3.16 reminds us, now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. Understanding grief tip number two will this pain ever end? Grief is a process we must go through. Unfortunately, our culture and our churches do little to prepare us for death. Even our society says you should be over it. It helps to put effort into working out our grief and to remind ourselves this is how I heal. I learned in grief share classes to lean into my grief. That means to embrace it, to let it take you where it will, like waves of an ocean, to feel every emotion it provides. In the busyness of life and ministry and family and all the things, we must continue to make time to grieve. Leaning into grief does not mean staying stuck or wallowing in it. Although we may be surprised by how long it lasts, it's important to feel our grief. In the days, weeks, and months after Pastor Paul's death, I kept a handwritten journal that helped me process my grief. Emotions need to be expressed and not pent up. Don't store them. They always come out one way or another. It really helps to write your emotions out in longhand. Typing on a computer is not a replacement. Something happens when you write your thoughts out longhand. When information is downloaded from your brain through the fingertips, it's an emotional release. The practice of expressing feelings, unloading hurt, and sharing memories, when it's transferred from pen onto paper, does wonders for our hearts, minds, and soul. It's like an emotional dumping. It helps clarify loss, future focus, and is a reference point for healing. We can choose to express our emotions honestly, even with tears. Tears are a gift. Jesus showed us this when he wept at the tomb of his dear friend Lazarus. Tears help cleanse our systems and are an appropriate response to losing someone who mattered. Grief is not a sign of weakness. When we deeply love the one who is departed, grief is the price we pay for loving someone. If there were no love, there would be no grief. There is a time and season for your grief. Ecclesiastes 3 4 says, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. Understanding grief, tip number three: do the next thing. Paul's fatal accident marked a short five years since he sat beside me during the long hours of my chemotherapy treatments. Together we battled my stage four cancer. Going forward into a future without Paul didn't make sense. The day Paul was killed, I taught at a women's retreat from Jeremiah 29, 11, and 12. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. In reviewing Jeremiah 29, 11 in the days following Paul's death, it gave me hope about God's plans for my future. God's word hadn't changed. God's faithfulness hadn't wavered. Even though my circumstances had changed dramatically, I could depend on God's plans for my hope and future. I pray the same for you. I also stayed committed to daily Bible reading and prayer, to fellowship in my church attendance and my small group, and I pray the same for you. No matter how long it's been since your loved one has died, you can choose to follow the ABCs of grief from grief share. A. Always be true to your grief. Grieve your own grief. No one can do it for you. B. Believe you will get to the end. Take the time you need and let grief take you to a deeper relationship with God. C. Communicate what you need. Be honest with your pain and your emotions. Preach the gospel to yourself and wait on God to heal you. Romans 8, 36 and 37 reminds us, No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Today we've learned three tips to help you better understand what grief is and how to grieve with hope in God. Understanding grief, tip number one: why does grief hurt so much? Grief is disruptive and disorderly. Grief isn't weakness or lack of faith. Grief is the heart's response to loss. Grief is like an uninvited house guest that stays too long and refuses to leave. David explained it in his cry for help in Psalm 62, verses 2 and 3. My bones are in agony, my soul is in anguish. How long, O Lord, how long? Your feelings are absolutely normal. Understanding grief tip number two will this pain ever end? We can choose to express our emotions honestly, even with tears. Tears are a gift. Jesus showed us this when he wept at the tomb of his dear friend Lazarus. Tears help cleanse our systems and are an appropriate response to losing someone who mattered. Grief is not a sign of weakness. There is a time and season for your grief. Ecclesiastes 3.4 says, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. Understanding grief tip number three: do the next thing. Renew your mind with God's word. Jeremiah 29.11 is a great place to start. I know the plans I have for you. This gave me much hope about God's plans for my future. I pray the same for you. I also stayed committed to daily Bible reading and prayer, church attendance, and my small group. I pray the same for you. Follow the ABCs of grief from GriefShare. A. Always be true to your grief. Grieve your own grief, no one can do it for you. B. Believe you will get to the end. Take the time you need and let grief take you to a deeper relationship with God. C. Communicate what you need. Remember Romans 8.36? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. Friend, you don't have to wonder if it's okay to grieve. In God's word we find answers to all of our questions. Does God care? What will happen to me? If God really loved me, why did my person or my dream die? You can have peace in the midst of every situation. 2 Thessalonians 3.16. Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times, in every way. The Lord be with you all. Next week we'll talk about the many phases of grief in episode 34. This is in regard to relationships, dreams, health, our past, and much more. Thanks for joining me on Restore Your Heart. If this message of God's hope in your grief resonated with you, please share this episode with a friend who's lost a loved one, a dream has died, or an important season has ended. Let's help each other walk in freedom. I hope you subscribe and leave a review at Cheryl G T.com. That's S H E R Y L, G as and Go, T as and Tom.com. I'm Cheryl Geesbreak Turner, and this is Restore Your Heart. See you next time.