*BONUS BEEF* Hot Boyz w Matt Cook & Eli DiSabato

BONUS BEEF! Season 2 is coming this JUNE, but eat up this teaser with Amber's comedian friends MATT COOK & ELI DISABATO! The HOT BOYZ are putting on a showcase MAY 30th at The Nest with LeRon Crowder, Amber Falter, Steven Hobson, Tristan Shae & Tanya Vora! Enjoy this appetizer to Season 2 where Eli talks about the origin of his family's long history of making doodie gravy, Matt can't tell a lie, and we hear their meet-cute story of falling in love at the GYM! Amber thinks babies come from the bellybutton and the boys give her an intervention! 

FOLLOW THE BOYS

@mattfuckincook

@elidisab

@hotboyzcomedy614

@ambermariefalter

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Let's dive into today's beef.

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Hi, welcome to All Beef with Amber Marie. I am so so excited for this episode. You guys, um, it's actually a very special episode because it's a bonus beef. We're doing a little bit of a teaser today before season two drops, June 6th, and I'm so so thrilled to have my friends today. Um, I've got the Hot Boys. Um, we've got Matt Cook and Eli De Sababado. I mean, why do it right? You know, and I De Sabado. So my first beef is feeling like a cunt for saying your last name so incorrectly.

SPEAKER_03 0:45

Honestly, I'm impressed because you spent a good five minutes being like, I'm gonna say it right, and like making sure you got it correct, and then you look me in the eye and just went like doop-da-ba-ba-da booba-da-boo.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

I mean, look, I've if uh you gotta be offensive on podcasts these days, so I don't know. Yeah, that's what we're all about.

SPEAKER_03 1:03

We're all about being those offensive podcasts. That's our brand for sure.

SPEAKER_02 1:08

You're not your your last name really lends itself to scat singing. Yeah. Sabotababa. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

Oh my god, it's Eli and Scat Man.

SPEAKER_02 1:17

Yeah, that's right. Eli Scat Man.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Eli Scatman.

SPEAKER_02 1:21

Eli, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:23

Oh my gosh. That's what my name translates to in Italian. Yeah, it's the Scat Man. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:27

Yeah, Sabino. It was Saturday, but yeah, it's now.

SPEAKER_03 1:31

My family traditionally in Italy was really into shit porn, so that's why the Scat Man.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

Oh, yeah, last names used to mean what your career was. See your grandpa was a real duty boy.

SPEAKER_03 1:41

Yeah. You have no idea how how true that can be. I don't have to spill the family secrets.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Matt, what's your last name mean? Your family cook?

SPEAKER_02 1:51

Cook? I yeah, I assume so. I've never I haven't dug in on it.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

What's the uh do you know anything about like do you guys know anything about like a great grandparent in your life?

SPEAKER_02 2:01

Um, I only know about the German side of my family. So not so much the uh I just know like I had some settlers from Ireland and England on the cook side who were they, you know, they settled in Appalachia, Appalachia, depending whether you're Jesse Sisson or not. And uh shout out Yeah, and so uh so yeah, they they they were farmers. Farmers. Straight farming, dude.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

Well, after you farm, you do be cooking.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

That's true, yeah. You need to that's how you get the the cooking products. That's the first step in cooking is farming is farming, yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

I my last name, um, I met like a beautiful German girl in college at Ohio State, and she always called me butterfly because I guess my last name means butterfly. So so cute, but in Spanish, falter means to lack or to fail. So that feels a little bit more obvious.

SPEAKER_02 2:54

Yeah, right. Yeah, that's true. I'm a butterfly. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:00

That really takes a whole new connotation to your family meat packing business. It's just it's just all butterflies that you guys kill and cook.

SPEAKER_00 3:07

Yeah. Butterfly sausages.

SPEAKER_03 3:09

Yeah, but I would eat a butterfly sausage for sure. For sure.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

Remember that song Butterfly Kisses? Yes, it's good for us, man. Butterfly sausages. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:19

Okay, pretty. Wait, now I want to find it. Do you know who it's by?

SPEAKER_02 3:22

Uh some country guy. It's like a father-daughter song. It's yeah, it's one of those songs that you would dance with your dad at, you know, your Is this it? Yes, I that's definitely it. Did you dance with your dad at the Yeah, yeah, at my Cotillion. Did you dance with your dad at this? Did you dance with your dad in the pale moonlight?

SPEAKER_03 3:40

You know, I Dancing with my dad at Cotillion does sound like a country song.

SPEAKER_02 3:46

Okay, it's very bad. It's a very bad song.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

I will describe the um actually I'll put this on our post when we post about this episode. Um, the album thing is just a bunch of different pictures of babies like smiling. Um, it's also just babies' feet and one's crying. Oh shit. Butterfly kisses and bedtime prayers.

SPEAKER_03 4:06

Dude. Who's the artist, Jared Fogle?

SPEAKER_00 4:10

Oh my god, I watched an old um an old family guy last night because I'm a 46-year-old divorced man, and they had a really great Jared Fogle bit. It was awesome. I hate that guy.

SPEAKER_03 4:21

It was a bit.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

So Principal Shepherd was like having like a thought bubble, and it was and he was like, Principal Shepard like had a bus full of kids for some like field trip, and Jared Fogle came on um his thought bubble as he was getting back on the bus, and he was like, Hey, how many kids you got on that bus? And he's like, I don't want you in my thought bubble. Get out of here, get out of here.

SPEAKER_03 4:39

Jared Fogel's definitely someone I have beef with, okay? I'm I just want to put it out there right now. I'm not cool with Jared Fogle. All right. Jared Fogle might want to have beef with you, honestly. I don't care if I don't care if the woke mob wants to cancel me over this, but I do not care for Jared Fogle.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

Wow. Okay, a bold statement. Um, wait, did you guys ever eat Subway? When's the last time you guys ate Subway? Are you okay?

SPEAKER_03 5:02

I mean, I did feel better. I like Subway growing up, but it was like the $5 foot long one.

SPEAKER_02 5:06

Yeah. That Italian herbs and cheese bread is solid. I mean, bread, quote unquote bread. Apparently, it's not actually bread.

SPEAKER_03 5:12

What?

SPEAKER_02 5:13

Yeah. They can't classify uh Eli, you're shaking your head, so I know you'd know more about this. Oh, I know as much as you do. But but yeah, there you can't actually classify Subway bread as bread. Like they legally can't classify it as bread. I can't remember why, like sawdust or you know, ground-up baby, whatever. Like it's my god. It's like Pringles.

SPEAKER_03 5:33

Yeah, oh yeah, Pringles chests they can't call themselves potato chips. Right.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

Ooh, yeah. You know what? I'm staying at my brother's house right now while he's gone, and I'm like, they're like, eat everything. And I was like, I fucking will. Yeah. But they I was eating up some like weird Pringles um yesterday, and I was like, they really aren't good.

unknown 5:50

No.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

Pringles aren't good. No, they're not. It's just powder. It's literally like any of the flavoring is just powder on compressed powder. It's so gross.

SPEAKER_00 5:58

And honestly, like my thing about um, what was I gonna say about Subway? Um, I that bread thing is grossing me out so much. My like high our college boyfriend worked at Subway. Excuse me, I'm gonna burp. This is a burping podcast, by the way. So I I did tell the boys all burp. Yeah God knew mooch. Um I'm such a fucking boy. Um, but we he would like smoke weed and like um we'd just hang out in the back of the subway all the time and like do our homework and get high. But like he stunk like fuck all the time. It was disgusting.

SPEAKER_03 6:29

The boys are gross, they smell really bad.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

I do.

SPEAKER_03 6:32

Like I had friends who worked there in high school, and actually one of my two of my friends who are now married with a child met at working at a subway, so it's actually pretty it's actually a pretty sweet love story.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

Oh my god, two for one foot long or something.

SPEAKER_03 6:45

Yeah, that's what he says to her when he makes love. Double double meat. Yeah. Ew. Wait, I did go into a subway like two years ago just to be like, okay, let me try a subway. And they're like $18 now for a foot long. The whole point was that it was like not a good sub, but it was five dollars.

SPEAKER_02 7:04

No, it's five, oh yeah, five dollars, five dollar foot long. Yeah, that was the $20 six inches.

SPEAKER_03 7:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:13

It's too expensive. I think.

SPEAKER_02 7:15

That's a good price for six inches these days, you know. Hell yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:21

Oh my god. Um, so I am having you guys on today because last week at the Bratz Open Mic, you guys took to the stage together. Um, and you did that for a reason because you guys are putting on um like your first show together, and it's at the Nest on May 30th, which is a Saturday. Believe it starts at 7:30. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 7:40

7:30th in Nest, May 30th. Come on out.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

Good. Okay. So do you guys want to talk about who's on that show or a little bit of like why you guys decided to do it?

SPEAKER_02 7:51

Well, yeah, let's see. Who's on that show? I can't. Isn't the Amber Falter on that show?

SPEAKER_03 7:58

Amber Fuller. Yeah, Amber Falter. I'll never heard of her. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:02

Beefies.

SPEAKER_03 8:03

Uh what are your fans called? Are they called beefies?

SPEAKER_00 8:05

Oh, we haven't gotten that far. I actually love that.

SPEAKER_02 8:07

Altie's the butterflies. The butterfly kisses. Yeah, the butterfly kisses.

SPEAKER_00 8:12

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 8:14

Oh, the Fogels, yeah. What are Jared Fogel's followers calling?

SPEAKER_00 8:17

Wait, that's so bad. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:20

Yeah. The shankers, because he's just getting shanked in prison for the rest of his life. I hope so. He probably is. I think he actually, I think I read an article about Jared Fogle getting shanked at least once in prison. Maybe not.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

I'm not going to be able to come again unless I know if he's been shanked at least once.

SPEAKER_02 8:34

Same.

SPEAKER_00 8:35

Okay, well I'll look into this. But when did you guys have this like idea? Or like, I don't know, because I you're probably like, let's produce a show together. Was there like a different of that idea initially?

SPEAKER_02 8:45

Or is the Nest like It was at Burke Cafe Bourbon Street, and we were just both having uh a night, and we both looked at each other and we were like, you know, we should just do a show. And uh yeah, and then and it just it just spawned from that.

SPEAKER_03 8:58

You're being very charitable, Matt, because I was crashing out. You were crashing out. I was like having a crash out because I didn't get in a callback for an improv team audition. Like that's how sad I was. I was sad about not getting on an improv team. Oh no, you know.

SPEAKER_00 9:15

No, but that it that's so valid and it is like an interesting um it's like what are you fucking basing that off of? Like in in improv is so improv. Like, did I do well that night? You know what I mean? Like, what an interesting thing to like, I don't know, quantify if that makes sense. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:33

Even with comedy in general, quanti Quantity, quantify, uh sorry, I got I got comedy and quantify mixed up in my head. But even with comedy, like every not every comedian is for everybody. You know, like there's some people are going to like ex-comedian, but other people aren't gonna like ex-comedian. And that's just the same with improv. Because also with improv, you have the improv's a little bit of a next level thing where because you have to get a group who plays well together as well, and it's a personality blend as opposed to just you yourself on stage trying to orchestrate, you know, conduct an audience, so to speak.

SPEAKER_03 10:13

Yeah. And I mean, just I mean, I guess uh speaking more on uh just the two of us coming up with this idea, I think we'd been friends for a little while. We actually met at Planet Fitness. Um Wait, really?

SPEAKER_02 10:23

No, well we met okay.

SPEAKER_03 10:25

We kind of met.

SPEAKER_02 10:26

This sounds like this sounds insidious. Like, we're both into showers and uh steam room and I I dropped the soap and he it slid over to the next shower and Eli was like, should you drop this? Yeah. No, we met we met at one of the five's open mics. Because that's where I first met you. Because I remember I remember the first this this isn't helping, but I do remember the first time I saw you. And uh and because I remember seeing there was this guy I hadn't seen before, and he got on stage and he ripped he ripped. And uh I was like, oh shit, I wasn't expecting that. Then it turns out you've had been doing stand-up for a long time. And um I forget, but then then we guessed. Then after that, we saw each other at Planet Fitness. You were you on the uh exercise bike, me on the arm bike, and uh we locked eyes and well I I I don't work out like Matt does.

SPEAKER_03 11:19

I'm the least buff of the three of us for sure. No, by choice.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

It's all buff.

SPEAKER_03 11:24

It's all buff. Yeah, yeah. Oh, maybe buffies. No. Trying to think of I'm gonna try to think of a fan how much.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

No, I I'm so honored. I never even thought about it, and yeah, I you have full control of that. Thank you. Okay, cool. Yeah, pay you.

SPEAKER_03 11:36

Wow, you were gonna give that up pretty quickly. I like that Amber Amber's just immediately like, I'll give you full control, you can have do whatever you want. Really on brand for you, Amber. Um Yeah, no, but we we'd been like I remember we would just meet and like just hang out at the gym for like 10 minutes and just talk about like comedy and just being nerds about it and about the craft of it. And like I remember after seeing that, just seeing Matt and seeing how hard he worked and seeing that he was like a really funny guy, and that you you'd only been doing comedy for how long at that point? Like a year?

SPEAKER_02 12:12

Uh yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_03 12:14

You've been doing how long you've been doing improv before you started stand up?

SPEAKER_02 12:16

I was doing improv for like a year before that. So I've been doing improv for like three years and stand-up for two years. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

So I remember What horrible tragedy do you want to get into next year?

SPEAKER_02 12:25

Uh no, I think I'm done with out. Well, actually, I have to interrupt you, Eli. No, you're good. I'm this is I'm pushing myself this up. We already have I already have another podcast with a couple friends, and we're also gonna try to start a band this holiday. Are you serious? So it's for the holiday season. So, anyways, yeah, so music, music, music, yeah, trying to get back to playing the guitar. Anyways, let's go back to Eli though. Those are those are down the road away.

SPEAKER_03 12:48

Oh, yeah, yeah. We we'll get away from all the red flags and anything. Yeah, right, yeah. No music. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:54

Ooh, musicians, eh? No. Oh god. You missed me with that.

SPEAKER_03 12:57

Um musicians, Jared Fogel, all the stuff that he went into.

SPEAKER_02 13:00

Yeah, we're the the band's called the Fogels.

SPEAKER_03 13:02

Oh wait, Jared and the Fogels.

SPEAKER_02 13:05

Jared and the Fogels, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:06

That's so why do I picture the back of the band being magnets?

SPEAKER_02 13:09

Playing children's birthday parties.

SPEAKER_03 13:10

And you're all wearing like way too big of jeans and you're just like holding them out.

SPEAKER_02 13:13

Yeah, that's that's like that's the gimmick.

SPEAKER_03 13:16

You all got foot longs.

SPEAKER_02 13:17

We actually we actually come out, we actually our entrances we come out in like those sumo suits, and then, but then all of a sudden, like, you know, if someone pokes a holes in it, we appear, we rip off the sumo suits. You're actually hot. Yeah, we're actually like buff bugs.

SPEAKER_03 13:30

Sumo's can be hot too, Amber. Yeah, just to body shaming.

SPEAKER_02 13:34

Sorry, I was my fault. I got into it. But I'm just saying, I'm talking the before and after Jared Fogle.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

Um, I did Google something that's probably gonna put me in prison, but are you guys ready? I did find out a little bit about what's happened to Jared in prison.

SPEAKER_02 13:46

Yes, let's go.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

We're on the edge of our So what I Googled was has Jared Fogle been shanked yet?

SPEAKER_02 13:53

Yeah, that is a great word.

SPEAKER_00 13:55

Yeah. And it says, no, Jared Fogle has not been shanked or killed, though he was physically assaulted.

SPEAKER_02 14:00

Okay, that's what I was thinking of.

SPEAKER_00 14:01

And I'll take it. He was tackled tackled and repeatedly punched in the face by a six-year-old inmate named Stephen. I don't want to say his last name. Hey, Steven.

SPEAKER_02 14:10

Stephen Disabato?

SPEAKER_00 14:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:12

That was closer than what Amber got. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

I'll spell it and then you guys will understand. N-I-G-G. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:19

What the hell? What does that mean? Uh just say it, Amber.

SPEAKER_02 14:22

What's what what's the language? What country never?

SPEAKER_03 14:24

Let's just give a shout out to Stephen. Yeah, what was their own? Steven and everybody's just give a shout out to Steven. You're doing the Lord's work here. Yeah, okay, Steven. If you're listening and I know that you are.

SPEAKER_02 14:33

Jared Fogle is definitely holding somebody's pocket in prison. They're just definitely walking around.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

Yeah. Oh, I love it. Okay, so sorry. He suffered a swollen face, a bloody nose, scratches, and then um, they literally use his last name. N, who was serving time for armed robbery, stated he attacked Fogle because he could not tolerate child molesty.

SPEAKER_03 14:53

Yeah, what happened? It's nice to know that people have standards still, you know.

SPEAKER_00 14:58

It really is. There are men for me out there, and they're probably an inmate who beat up Jared Fogle.

SPEAKER_02 15:02

Even N, if you're listening. I I on Amber is single and ready to provide you commissary money.

SPEAKER_03 15:10

I will send you so much money for I would not be shocked though if you legitimately were like, yeah, one of my exes is a 60-year-old inmate who people are horrible. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

Okay, and that just shows how much respect Elay has for me.

SPEAKER_03 15:21

It's it's I'm just basing this off of things you've told me.

SPEAKER_00 15:24

Okay, great. Wow. Amber, I respect you so much. Takes a sip of water all fucking delicately. Oh, wait, I do have a a beef that I want to talk about real fast. And um this was before you guys got here, and you guys, um, listeners, whatever your names will be, um decided by Eli, your fate will be decided by him. Um I was like, so I had nothing to do today. And I was like, I'm gonna write the coolest outline and have the funniest like fucking segments for these boys. I've got nothing. I did nothing, I did nothing to prepare. I laid in the sun and I watered my brother's garden, but I did try to look up your show poster earlier so I could get the details. Um and I typed in, you know, like the search bar on Instagram. You guys very smartly um for branding and marketing purposes, Matt. Eli pointed to Matt. Okay, good job, Matt. Um, the harder worker. I'm kidding. Oh, yeah. No, no, you don't need to get it. No, you're right. You're not wrong. So you know how you can type in the search bar or like the hot boys or Eli or Matt, right? What's the Instagram search bar? I have no idea what that is. What? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:27

I'm just fucking Matt.

SPEAKER_00 16:31

You actually have to leave. Um, but I typed in Hot Boys because you guys made an Instagram handle for your show. And I imagine we're looking forward to doing more of these in the future. Beautiful, love it. So I type in Hot Boys, and my beef is Instagram gave me a warning and a message. And it do you mind if I read it to you? So I type in hot boys, hit search, and it says child sex abuse is illegal. And then it says, We think that your search might be associated with child sexual abuse. Child sexual abuse or viewing sexual imagery of children can lead to imprisonment or other severe personal consequences.

SPEAKER_03 17:14

So, um we real we really weren't that so off when we're talking about Jared.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

It's gonna be Jared's gonna want to watch our show, you guys.

SPEAKER_03 17:23

This is the second time you got a warning from Instagram because of us, right? Because last week at the Bratz Mic, you posted and like we because we had riffed that we're like we're giant pussies when we were on stage, and Amber couldn't let it go. No, of course. And you you posted like a a a story that said like my two favorite giant pussies, and we were I mean, I I I was tickled by that. I thought that was hilarious. And then you immediately got a commute like a note from Instagram.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

Yeah, and it was sure you want to post this? You want to post the word pussy?

SPEAKER_00 17:50

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 17:50

No, and I felt back Little Lady, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:54

Your algorithm is gonna be so fucked up.

SPEAKER_00 17:55

My algorithm thinks my algorithm of them probably looking like fucking Jared Fogle's.

SPEAKER_02 17:59

So this is this is actually this is funny because so I've worked in digital or like social media marketing for like 16 years now, and so one of the reason when that we initially made the Hot Boys name and started advertising, I gotta notice that our our face art we our business account was suspended. Like because I've been using my personal account. Yeah, well, I've been using my personal Facebook account, my like business account to promote the post. And so it's worked, it was fine, but the Hot Boys was suspended, and I'm 99% sure it's because it says Hot Boys, but because think this through apparently because so I used to work for Rise Brands, fuck them. Uh they they you know but they had a they had a restaurant that went under the hot dog restaurant, was called Weenie Wonder.

SPEAKER_03 18:55

Oh, and Weenie, someone write it down.

SPEAKER_02 18:58

Weenie it was called Weenie Wonder, and so every time I tried to promote posts for them from that, we would get constantly flagged for the post, and it took me a while to finally realize oh, because like they the automated Facebook thing is seeing Weenie and being like, Oh, you're advertising penis, and yeah, Weenie Wonder is what I call my penis, but penis wonder, yeah. So so then so basically Facebook's automated shit picks up like oh hot boys, oh weenie. Like it's yeah, so anyways.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

Do you guys think Epstein never Googled Weenie?

SPEAKER_02 19:37

Oh. Look it up, Amber. Yeah, you got the files are all online.

SPEAKER_03 19:42

We can just really quick, please. I I do have a beef. Again, this might get canceled by the woke mob, but I have a beef with Jeffrey Epstein. I did not like what he did, okay. I think that he was guilty. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say he was guilty. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

I love that.

SPEAKER_03 19:54

All right. I know that means.

SPEAKER_00 19:56

We did this live, by the way, isn't that cool?

SPEAKER_03 19:57

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going out to Jeffrey Epstein, right?

SPEAKER_02 20:00

Well, he it's everything's going. Jeffrey Epstein's everywhere now. Yeah. He's he's you know, he's just part of the spiritual the spiritual plane. So he's here with us. He's here with he's here with us right now.

SPEAKER_03 20:11

He's he's he's all around. He's not a good one. Jeff, if you're if you're here.

SPEAKER_02 20:15

Jeff, if you're here, make the lights flicker.

SPEAKER_00 20:17

I'm a freak. I don't think he's dead.

SPEAKER_02 20:19

Oh, yeah, I I wouldn't.

SPEAKER_03 20:21

Do you believe that? Do you actually believe that conspiracy theory?

SPEAKER_00 20:23

I listened to an incredible podcast that I adore, and I uh I think I do. I think I do believe that he's alive.

SPEAKER_03 20:31

What was the podcast?

SPEAKER_00 20:32

Sinister Hood.

SPEAKER_03 20:33

Sinister Hood?

SPEAKER_00 20:34

Yeah, Sinister Hood. It's two amazing um like Dallas besties. Like literally, I could see, I don't know, I was like, oh my god, wait, you guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're they We're Dallas besties, too. You guys are Dallas besties, but they just have a really good, like, um, energy, really good friends. But my friend Christine Horvath got me hooked on this a while ago. They did a really incredible deep dive of Pizzagate, all the Epstein stuff, all the Trump involvement, um, and this episode in particular breaking down like the day of this, you know, um his murder or her suicide. Um, it was fucking fascinating.

SPEAKER_03 21:11

So he's alive. What's what what's the like idea behind that?

SPEAKER_00 21:16

I would really hate to misquote it, but essentially the like one camera that wasn't working was a big deal. They did see somebody on the one camera, and what happened was what they think happened was there was a lot of extra blankets in his room, which they think that were brought in, they basically think they brought in another body that wasn't him in these blankets, and then he got to escape. I mean, this guy's connections are crazy, obviously. And like if you guys I'll have to I'll post that episode actually on this post too, because it was so fucking fascinating. Um so far I wrote down Subway, butterfly kisses, and Jeffrey Evans.

SPEAKER_02 21:53

My beef is people who don't believe in conspiracy theories.

SPEAKER_03 21:57

Ooh, I've talked about this a lot.

SPEAKER_02 21:58

I know, right? And I we have be careful because I can do this could turn in I would turn this into a whole podcast.

SPEAKER_03 22:04

Yes have your eyes have gotten dark and black and yeah so your energies completely changed as we're talking about I am both Mulder and Scully.

SPEAKER_00 22:11

Uh well no wait sorry I'm just Mulder because Scully was the one who didn't believe yeah so um no I love that shit so much and obviously I will probably love to have you guys back anytime.

SPEAKER_03 22:22

Yeah but um how about tomorrow?

SPEAKER_00 22:23

We'll just come back and we'll just keep I actually am recording tomorrow if you guys are welcome for free.

SPEAKER_03 22:27

Yeah we'll come in we'll bring some Subway sandwiches.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

Oh my god that sounds so fardy in this little room can you imagine welcome to the forecast part um I love that um gassies I'm just thinking I'm just writing down we're writing down really important stuff if if we for some reason just dissipated into thin air and they walked into me and Eli's notes I think you should get this sponsored by Gas X.

SPEAKER_02 22:51

That would actually be a 'cause I mean what does beef do?

SPEAKER_03 22:56

Do you all get the meat sweats speaking of beef?

SPEAKER_02 22:58

No I've never got the meat sweats? No, that's fucking that's a conspiracy theory right there.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

I've gotten the meat sweats have you gotten them I mean when I eat too many like hot chicken wings well that's that's different that's like spice spice sweats.

SPEAKER_03 23:12

Like no I legitimately like have had like steak or something and like I've got I've gotten like heartburn but I've 100% like later gotten like a bunch of sweats and shit. It's not like I'm working we've already established I don't work out.

SPEAKER_00 23:23

No and here's what I'm picturing when you go I got a bunch of sweats I'm picturing matching sweatsuits.

SPEAKER_02 23:28

Yeah just like from New Jersey Soprano.

SPEAKER_00 23:32

Wait you guys I'm so ADHD who else is on the show besides obviously we oh yeah yeah so yeah our show I'm doing a really great job that's so annoying.

SPEAKER_02 23:42

I'm gonna do it in alphabetical old order. So Laron Crowder Amber Falter Steven Hobson Tristan Shea and Tanya Vora yeah we're checking with the judges yes you did get that alphabetical I've made I made the flyer I made the flyer so I've just like I said Matt's done all the work so far.

SPEAKER_03 24:07

Oh okay speaking of I you know it's funny because I when I did look this poster up earlier you did all of us an alphabetical oh and you did you guys's last name is alphabetical well yeah that wasn't on purpose though that was just for for looks speaking of like the theme of the show so far it is really funny that I'm also ADHD uh I it's really funny to me that like you looked up Hot Boys and you got the message and I'm like sitting here like oh god we're such idiots I never thought of this before because we're also we're called Hot Boys but then our promos we did a photo shoot of Calvin and Hobbes which is a child a child in his imaginary tiger and I was always like yeah dude that's gonna be so much fun and now I'm just thinking we're just gonna get arrested I think on Tiger who abused the child too because he's always pouncing on him. Yeah what do you what's the next show gonna it's gonna be Hot Boys where you guys gonna dress up like fucking Burton Ernie Fogle and Epstein that's gonna be Gislain and Jeff yeah oh that could be your Halloween episode Fogle and Epstein I mean that is a pretty good law firm name yeah right wow wait it really is getting in some trouble with uh you could call you should probably call up the law firm of Fogle and Epstein uh are you getting are you getting uh called out by the Instagram algorithm dude literally Fogle Epstein 877 kids now G Z.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

Yeah gay Z Z Yeah right on brand you guys do have a bell you're welcome to tap before my first episode like a little dine dinner bell it's rather it's fun yeah all right every time we do a good bit we'll hit the that's great because I've got this whole soundboard over here of annoying bullshit so I felt like y'all should have something an old bellybody's got dehented bell um um I did want to ask you guys because all beef a lot of people are like what's your podcast about and you know what it's um whatever the fuck I want to talk about but the idea initially was very much a jumping off point of like service industry and how much I wanted to KMS in a restaurant. Um but um I wanted to ask you guys stand for KMS kiss my sister.

SPEAKER_03 26:18

Oh I feel like that's worse than what we were hinting at so um I want a KMS now I want a KMS kiss that sister in the middle let's go um did you guys ever work in restaurants?

SPEAKER_02 26:38

Yes but yeah Eli currently works one I'll I did for three summers but I want Eli to Eli's the expert so I want him to roll.

SPEAKER_03 26:47

I did come in with the beef because this did happen to me last Saturday night. Here's my first beef large groups coming in on a Saturday night at eight o'clock when do you close? 10 o'clock eat my dick eat my dick right how large eight eighteen nineteen people what this is and and we're a small it's a small place. Just shout out Emilio's pizza on the west side of Columbus um been open since 1960 it's a really nice place we got a like a nice bar and stuff and we kind of have the space right like if if you had told us a month ago and you were gonna come in at two maybe but showing up at eight o'clock on a Saturday night our busiest night yeah we just don't have space for you and they kind of well okay I don't want to disparage them because they were very nice and they were like they were they ended up being nice people and they were in they were all in town for a like ohio state's graduation and stuff. So I don't want to like attack them attack them but they did show up and they're like we have 18 and we were absolutely crushed you know have you already full we were so full all night it was it was already the busiest Saturday night shift I've ever worked and like have you ever had those shifts where you're you're washing glasses so that you can then use glasses per cup yes you're you're every cup is accounted for and you're almost especially when you're like out of a specific glass I'm not sure if you guys have like a different cocktail glass or something. It's like we just like any like the the glasses we use for like waters or like sodas. Yeah no not yeah but like we ran out of like all of those like like water soda glasses or whatever and we're just like washing them like as we go and there's only two bartenders in the whole place and we're just running around and they came in and they're like we called and they said it was okay which ended which is not true because I went to my kitchen guy and he was like I told them we don't have space we might in an hour and they respond and they they interpreted that as come in an hour. So they just sort of like came in and anyways and like I said no we don't have space but the other bartender said we don't have any space and they just sort of came in and sat down anyways and so I was like I mean we'll take care of you but I am not because I had a full bar and we had like our back room our patio was full and we were like you're gonna get served but late so I mean they were cool and they waited about 40 minutes for me to get all their drinks and stuff in let alone their food.

SPEAKER_00 29:05

Oh my God and that keeps you so late. Okay so like do you have tables you can move around to accommodate or do you have like oh okay because that's the way Thurman is it's like one booth if you're not and I'm not trying to be mean by saying this if you're not large or fat people you can maybe fit eight people in our largest booth.

SPEAKER_03 29:23

We have yeah we have half of that at least in our bar area yeah right we have it's you can fit four people tops at a lot of were they all split up yeah they all kind of just split up and like it it ended up being okay because like it kind of was slowing down at the end of the night but like eight o'clock and they're just we have 18 people coming in and we're just like I can't just do this man.

SPEAKER_02 29:44

And you know for a fact because like you know for a fact almost none of those people worked in the industry because that's exactly what I was getting ready to say yeah dude I would it's just like okay have you ever gone out and like with a bunch of friends who like are so unaware they're like oh why don't all 10 of us just pop in here and I get so fucking anxious in those moments I'm like y'all when it's when it's like 10 minutes to close and it's like a a restaurant and you're like I hated that people would show up 955 the restaurant closes at 10 be like oh we got in we got in just in time and I'm like I would have kicked him out. You did it it's it's really funny so I mean obviously the social media is a a place that is meant for rage but on threads to see people talk about the bait service industry and it's like yeah if the restaurant closes at 10 you can you're seating tables up until 959 you know and it's like yes okay technically yeah and I'm sure you know what the owner probab some owners probably would because they don't give a fuck but owners who've worked in the circum service industry they're like nah that's fucking bullshit because especially if you're that inconsiderate to show up five minutes till close you're probably not gonna tip great. You're probably not gonna like you're not and that tipping culture there's another beef right there is is we can get into but but yeah like like like service we were talking about this a couple weeks ago but you should if you're not gonna serve in the military America is such a service economy that you need to work in some level of the service industry especially and bonus points if you're working as like a restaurant server because like yeah bagging groceries and and uh other things yes that is part of the service industry but working as a server is a completely different beast than most other jobs service jobs yeah or the kitchen stuff like that you need to bring back the draft for kitchens yeah honestly that would be so amazing and I fully agree doesn't like some country actually does that where like two years you have to like literally be a fucking I swear I'm not I'm gonna have to go military but I think your Google's already logged down.

SPEAKER_00 31:57

Yeah yeah I'm actually banned on my on my phone for a few years. Yeah what 18 year olds are gonna be working in the kitchen look up on Pornhub Hot Boys in kitchen later yeah that's uh yeah I bet this oh my god I'm sure of it no I I um I fully agree with that because and it's I can almost tell when you when you even meet a person out in the fucking real world I'm like oh the way you're conducting yourself in this restaurant you get it you've been here before and you're more respectful like it's and yeah like you're saying the people that come in that late at night like even if it's like 945 and we close at 10 it's like you're a piece of shit and if you're gonna walk in here I I especially don't want to serve you because you're so fucking type shit.

SPEAKER_02 32:41

If I'm gonna know Charlie like I don't know I'm I'm not gonna abuse anybody like a pickup order that's technically again like that's usually like okay as long as you get it like in a reasonable time like 15 till or something till close. Yeah like that's that's reasonable because even then the kitchen's trying to clean up you know at the end of the night too like they're trying to go home and they weren't getting they're probably not getting tipped. Nope. Like and so like not every kitchen gets you know tipped out. So yeah I it drives me up the wall. I I feel like I I won't even go to like some fast food place like drive throughs if I'm realizing like oh damn they get close in like five minutes like I'm not gonna I'm not gonna fuck up their night like that just because I have probably have food at home and I can just not be a lazy fuck.

SPEAKER_03 33:25

And there's another fast food place for probably like five minutes.

SPEAKER_02 33:28

Right exactly that's where mine went like right yeah it's always McDonald's always always McDonald's I live right near McDonald's so I'm always ready to ready to get my Nuggies. Where tell us your address blow up your spot yeah yeah it's uh right near your mom's house I thought you were gonna say it I get out wait I think I I think I've talked about this on here before but Tanya Vora got me high and took me to some like fucking influencer event and like it was so weird.

SPEAKER_00 33:56

I mean it was fun but like I felt like a ninja turtle because we went underground and somebody was like making pizza and the whole thing was you weren't supposed to bring a plus one but she knew a guy so she brought me yeah but it was like what a fuck I think I get it but it was like all right this is a secret super thing but like Eli and Matt are invited but like they they invited people to like you're supposed to mingle and like make friends and make connections but I was high on an edible and just eating pizza anyway some guy was like trying to get my number and I was like I don't want him to have my number and he's like yeah well then just give me your social security number and then I like literally wrote it down.

SPEAKER_02 34:31

What I swear I every time that somebody talks about confidential information I'm like why did I give that guy my social you gave him your real social I really did I thought it was so funny that's fucking I'm not giving you not this is not a podcast anymore this is not an intervention Amber give your phone out don't give your social I shouldn't give my phone out either I'm seeing you can block people's phone numbers you can though it's like I I always realize I usually don't realize I can lie until after I've told the truth I'm getting better at it I'm getting better at it so pure yeah I'm getting better at it though is like because I mean I'm a good liar and I have to be I don't know about that.

SPEAKER_00 35:12

Tell us a lie we'll believe it right now I don't want to play that game lie to me oh so he's lying Should we play tooth truths in a lie later?

SPEAKER_03 35:19

Okay yeah sure yeah I'll have to I'll have to write him down but but yeah there is a someone he was like uh yeah can I get a like I I just was like oh sorry I can't give you a ride home and then I was like why didn't I just tell him I moved and like Oh because they were like we're on the same end of town yeah yeah exactly and I was like why didn't I just say that I fucking moved and sometimes I wish I could be I can I kind of live right in the middle of that where I want to be I don't like lying but I wish I could be like more truthful and I just wish I could just be like I don't like you and I don't want to give you a ride you know exactly had that kind of confidence to just be like no I don't like you as a person so real.

SPEAKER_02 36:00

Is that movie there's is it Liar Liar or something like that with Jim Carrey where it's like he just has to tell the truth all the time and is like the mask somebody stop me.

SPEAKER_00 36:12

Yeah ding ding wait that's so funny I used to be obsessed with the mask when I was a little bit so was I yeah the mask was fucking great classic damn it's Cuban Pete Kimadia is so hot yeah she was she was smoking the way Eli locked eyes with me and lit up to do that was insane.

SPEAKER_02 36:32

I loved it no and I will say in terms of like those boundaries and stuff like there are a few people like in like just our like circles and stuff that I'm like oh my god like I just need to be honest and be like you freak me out yeah you freak me out and I don't like you but I will say like I've gotten a lot better about like blocking their Instagrams putting yeah putting them in like general messages normalize brock blocking people for my God you've had a situation like that I've had a couple situations like that recently where I was just like you know what I understand this is a community but I don't want to be around you feel like there's a beef coming I feel like there's some beef coming out someone I mean you got the grill out you've got you've let me get on my sausage you don't have to need names and no no but I think you guys but you guys have been in comedy longer I mean it's just like it's comedy 90% of the people I would say even more than 90% of the people are are fine but you get comedy draws weird folks and art it's the arts. The arts draws weird people and we're not exempt. Yeah right exactly and sometimes you just gotta be like you know what I'm gonna put put up a little bit of a wall and just say hey uh yeah no and like that's the thing because I can I've been in it a little longer than you Amber you've been in it a long a little while too like it's just one of those things that I'm kind of seeing you like kind of I don't I don't know if this is the right word for it but you're kind of like losing like your childlike innocence right in terms of comedy.

SPEAKER_03 38:13

Because like just being in it for so long like it's just one of those things there's just it's just for whatever reason it attracts weirdos who may be socially off but then also just like creeps, perverts, literal criminals like and it's just one of those things now that I when I see it now and I see it I'm just not surprised by it anymore. It's like it's like one of those things it it's it kind of sucks to think about or to have to admit that and I mean I'm a guy so I'm sure like you have like even more actual examples. Now we're getting real about no men are perfect.

SPEAKER_00 38:48

Yeah okay pull yeah yeah yeah yeah for the Jared Fogle did nothing wrong please don't clip that part out I'm keeping that in um yeah yeah no but I feel like I appreciate you saying the thing about being a woman because I could go on about that for a while but like I think I I've had to step back over the years and and be like I'm gonna treat this like a workplace. I'm gonna treat the people that I respect with respect and I'm gonna be like you've crossed a boundary and you must back up to the others because I think I do a good job of putting myself in spaces that make me feel safer and all that stuff and like only letting in the people that I want to work with to whatever capacity but there's so much even people that haven't been creepy but just intimidating or just mean or rotten to me for no reason and I'm like or maybe they had a reason and they aren't fucking healed enough to tell me directly but it is such a it is such a beef because it seems so playful and it should be inviting and it should be beautiful but it still is a very deeply unregulated space because it's like artistic and whatever you guys were saying. But I tuned you out I wasn't listening.

SPEAKER_03 39:56

I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm literally kidding we're guys we don't listen to anything women maybe can I tell you guys like a real thing and we can get back to like the jokey stuff. Yeah yeah of course this is actually like a real um real beef. No that truly it's just a a story of one of the reasons why I'm I kind of feel desensitized or the way that like of course I treat it like a kind of a workspace now and kind of have distance unless it's you know like I I feel like we're good friends. I feel like we're we're becoming good friends too and like I can kind of feel like um good about that. But there was a situation where um back at like a few years ago and I was I was living in New York and I was really good friends with somebody uh this guy who was a comedian and uh you know we'd gotten really close you know and he'd helped me like get over this breakup and um I'd gone to his wedding and like he told me like I was like one of the first people he called when he told me that he was having a baby. And then in like August of that year one of our other friends this this woman I won I won't name any names but this woman told me that like he had sexually assaulted her and that he had sex and that she had confirmed like that there were at least two or three other victims on that. And it's awful and you know and I don't want to I don't want to try to center my own experience of that because like obviously that I'm not quote unquote main victims of that but it's just one of those things where you think you know somebody you get vulnerable with them and you spend all this time with them and you become really close with them and then it turns out they were a monster, you know and it took me a long time to really start like really trusting people again, you know it took me a long years for that. And I so I kind of you know and I do like a lot of the deflectings with jokes and stuff. But like you know um you kind of had a situation recently that you know we joked about and stuff but it you know it can be I do take that kind of stuff seriously.

SPEAKER_02 41:46

That was my that was my first uh that was first foray with somebody who is a little bit too friendly and uh and yeah but yeah right because you you do kind of like you're like okay yeah and if I had to I could kick this person's ass. But at the same time it's like I don't want to do that and uh You shouldn't have to yeah you shouldn't have to and and it's just so it's it is it is crazy feeling but yeah I think you just gotta I don't know the older I get like it's comedy is so weird because it is sort of an art in getting people to like you. Like because I mean in order to be I mean mostly in order to do well on stage you need the audience to be somewhat on your side. You know like so it's figuring out that part the most likable parts of you and stuff like that. But at the same time like I I the older I get I also don't I care less. Like I'm still I will probably be always like a people pleaser till the day I die but I have learned to care less about people liking me and just outside of comedy or just in general in life and just being like Yeah dude like I've I've seen I've had so many friends so many acquaintances so I've encountered so many people in this life and I'm gonna encounter this more on like halfway through life as it is like it's like I'm I just if I keep if I keep getting stuck on oh my god like this person hates me or like or I did this or did that or didn't do this or do that like I'm not gonna be able to move forward in my life.

SPEAKER_00 43:24

So that's such a great point Matt because I think as a people pleaser and a traumatized person like I've had to put so much work into where my energy goes and who gets my time and sometimes you're up all night thinking about something and Eli maybe when you're going through that experience the grieving process you had to go through to unravel the lies this person was telling you or that they're and like Matt was saying like you're saying like you have to present a certain way to like in this industry and and get people to like you. So there's all this pressure to Like unpack what who this person truly was. And I just wanted to say thank you both because Matt has you've shared some experiences with me that you're kind of alluding to. And Eli, thank you for sharing that because as a woman, it's it's very it's it's heartbreaking to hear these stories, and it's also comforting to know that like um like you probably cut this person out of your life, I assume. Oh yeah. Yeah. He's on his way over. No, yeah. No, but like it's it's he's sitting across from you. No, I'm saying, ah, Jesus, that's okay.

SPEAKER_03 44:32

I mean it was a weird thing because like I I just like wanted to respect my friend who had told me her wishes, and she was just like, like, I want you to ghost him. And there was like a group of a lot of us, like friends who had all like kind of started together and like that, and like these open mic scenes. I remember like we all came to like my apartment and just sort of like sat with each other and like just talked and things and and just it yeah, and like I the the word grieving like really kind of stands out because it was it does it is a weird thing to think about. Like it did kind of feel like grieving like someone you had lost, like someone that died, and you're looking back on those things and you're thinking about like some ways I didn't know and some things like oh there were some things now that I look back on these red flags that I should have noticed, and you know, and like there's blame and all these complicated emotions that you have to kind of go through.

SPEAKER_00 45:19

Absolutely. I think one thing about just like the comedy scene in general is like you know, on a larger scale, like there's people that um that you know are maybe not as good to women or something like that, and it just um it like I just I don't I think people don't notice that or think that you see their fucking posters, and I'm like, oh wow, the people that I thought I trusted, like these allies of these bad people. So what I'm saying is like it's it takes so much to leave those people in the past, but it's like crucial, and like that's something where there's people that I've loved that were like, Oh, well, he didn't actually, and I don't believe the girl, and so like I'm still his friend, and like I can't tell you how many people I've grieved in that process where I'm like, Cool, now I don't trust you, and I thought you were fucking cool, but now you can't even like so it yeah, it's it's very complicated, but um yeah, I don't know. I'm proud of you guys for being who you are, and like I don't know, I feel and a lot of the girls in the scene feel very like safe and happy to be around you guys. So I just want to know.

SPEAKER_03 46:19

Well that's good.

SPEAKER_00 46:19

I feel like you're the vulnerable boys.

SPEAKER_03 46:21

Oh, yeah. Even better.

SPEAKER_00 46:23

Matt hates me now.

SPEAKER_03 46:25

Search on an Instagram, see if you go just lost another friend. We're done. I'm taking the headphones all the way from that. That is good to hear, and I've heard like you know, and like I'm sure Matt you've heard that too from like women. It's like it's just weird to me that like I just I now I sound like a performative guy. No, I don't want that because I just basic human decency. Yeah, basic human decency. I just want people to like feel safe and like or good around me. That's really like anybody, you know. Yeah, and then it's like except for all the haters. Y'all better watch your steps, motherfucker. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:55

I don't know what that sound is. Oh, that's a heartbeat for no reason.

SPEAKER_03 46:58

Why would that be on the sound? It's all the haters when they're thinking about getting through pumping blood to their boners.

SPEAKER_00 47:04

The telltale hater. Oh, they're getting boners.

SPEAKER_02 47:06

They get fear boners, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:11

Did you guys see the listeners? Did you notice how quickly we went from like some really real shit to talking about boners?

SPEAKER_02 47:17

That's what's I was like, I was like, I was like, I gotta pull this out of his nose that we got, someone's gotta say boner quick.

SPEAKER_00 47:22

Like, we gotta pull out of those boners. What's up? That's there it is. Yeah, Eli's taking great use of that um haunted bell. Yeah. Um we do have about 20 minutes left of yapp yapping.

SPEAKER_03 47:31

Oh my god, we've done we've talked about nothing and then like a bunch of crazy shit and then like now back to the back.

SPEAKER_00 47:36

No, it's been amazing. I've loved every minute of it. If you guys hate it, whatever. You don't gotta listen to it. Yeah, Eli.

SPEAKER_02 47:41

God, why are you being such a asshole?

SPEAKER_03 47:46

I'm just surprised that we've gone so long because I've just been like blah, blah, blah, Jared Fogle, and then oh my god, all this horrible shit.

SPEAKER_02 47:51

Eli's never gone this long. It's fine.

SPEAKER_03 47:53

Oh my god. That's true.

SPEAKER_00 47:55

Yeah, Matt's tapping the bill.

SPEAKER_03 47:58

20 minutes. I'm like, what are we gonna do for the for like the last 19 minutes and 43 seconds?

SPEAKER_00 48:02

I suddenly have no thoughts in my brain. Okay, sorry, you're hosting good stuff. What? Oh, I don't care. You guys can host the show. I don't give a fuck. All right, welcome back to Oh, yeah. You've got other beefs. Oh, you look excited. Do you got one?

SPEAKER_03 48:14

They're fine. Uh, I mean, I I mean, I just wrote one down on the right here. It's just uh my beef is people who complain about babies on planes. Oh, yeah. Like, oh my god, so sorry that like other people exist in this earth and that you have to share a flight. Like, if you fucking if you hate babies on planes, maybe just get rich enough that you can have a private jet, motherfucker.

SPEAKER_02 48:36

I'm working on it. I'm working on the private jet money. I yeah, I Matt hate baby on plane? I it's a that's a that's a tough one. That's a offense. I I have the ride.

SPEAKER_00 48:46

Okay, but do you not wear headphones? You fucking sneakers. I do can't believe you headphones.

SPEAKER_02 48:50

No, it's fine. I look, I I understand. I'm never gonna be a parent, but and I understand sometimes you got to or whatever. But what, you gotta have a baby on a plane? Gotta have a baby on a plane. You put these babies on this motherfucking baby's on this motherfucking plane. Wait, that's so fun.

SPEAKER_03 49:09

Oh my god, I can't wait to look at the baby. Babies on a plane. That's so funny.

SPEAKER_02 49:14

T bet's like that at our show and I uh like like this baby just appear, like someone's taking a poop in the bathroom, and all of a sudden, this little baby just out of the turlet.

SPEAKER_00 49:23

Yeah. Wait, I've never seen that snake on a plane, have you?

SPEAKER_02 49:26

Yeah, it's good.

SPEAKER_00 49:27

It's funny, it's funny. You guys have both seen it.

SPEAKER_03 49:29

I mean, all you really need to see is the look is the one line. I think Keenan Thompson is like the hero who lands the plane, right?

SPEAKER_02 49:35

Is he? Oh, I don't remember it. I just remember the mile high scene. There's like a couple having sex and the bat and then the snakes come out.

SPEAKER_03 49:42

I mean, the only scene you really need to see is I'm tired of these m motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane. And even better is the cable edited version, which is I'm sick of these monkey fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane.

SPEAKER_00 49:54

Oh my god, are you literally seeing it?

SPEAKER_03 49:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 49:57

That fucking sucks.

SPEAKER_03 49:58

Another thing that sucks about like the streaming, that's my other beef is streamers, because then they take away from edited, edited for cable movies, stuff like that. Like uh, what's the big Lebowski?

SPEAKER_02 50:10

Big Lebowski fight a stranger in the Alps. Yeah, instead of like, do you see what happens to the stranger in the ass fuck a stranger in the ass or something like that, but they changed it to fight a stranger in the Alps?

SPEAKER_03 50:19

Oh my god, just cut the whole scene. That makes me ill. But you can never cut John Goodman uh destroying a car. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:26

Matt, so do you believe that when babies travel on a plane they should go in a crate with the dogs?

SPEAKER_02 50:31

I I have actually, yes. I have actually written about this. I'm like Oh, really? Well, not written, but like I don't not like for comedy, just like probably on a plane while I'm like manifesto. Like, oh my god, this baby won't shut the fuck up. Um if someone doesn't give tranquilize this child, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_03 50:50

I'm so sorry that this newborn child who's flying on a plane who has existed for all of four minutes. Why are you taking your newborn to the channel? Okay, that's yeah, like but like if my brother wants to bring his baby across the country so we can see his grandchildren, like or his grandchildren. Yeah, but that's different. His baby's grandchildren.

SPEAKER_02 51:11

Babies making babies. I ride the fence on this because I think there are some reasons. I accept some reasons for babies to be on planes, but I I don't accept all reasons for babies to be on planes. And I do think all babies, hashtag yeah, not all babies hashtag not all babies. Yeah. Google that as well, Amber.

SPEAKER_03 51:29

No, I hear what you're saying, and I I I can admit that it is an inconvenience for people on that, but I also feel like what are you supposed to do? There's there's no room for people being inconvenienced anymore.

SPEAKER_02 51:42

But it's not just babies, there's also children.

SPEAKER_03 51:44

I look, I people have children.

SPEAKER_02 51:47

I I know it feels like we're like they should have like never mind.

SPEAKER_03 51:52

People have children. Like children exist in the world, babies exist in the world, they can be on planes, I feel like. You know what I mean? Like, and like I'm not saying you have to be super happy about it, but like the understanding, or just put up with it. Like, I feel like we we've kind of gotten away. It's maybe it's like a Twitter thing, or like everybody's complaining. But and like everybody who complains about it has no has like there's no original thought anymore. It's like babies should be banned from planes because I want it to. It's like, yeah, just fucking deal with it.

SPEAKER_02 52:20

Look, we used to have a kids' table at Thanksgiving. There is the kids' table and there was the other's plane. Have a kids plane. That's what I'm saying. I mean, that's like talking about Nickelodeon. Yeah, like you know, like McDonald's had those like fun little areas where like the kids could like go and play. Like, put a little fucking tube system in your plane and let them crawl around. Like, let them crawl in the luggage department.

SPEAKER_00 52:41

I'm picturing the weirdest, like, there's a plane with like basically like a belly button. Like, um, I'm a woman and I don't even know how babies are born.

SPEAKER_03 52:49

Belly button? Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:51

There's like there's like a tube, like a tube slide from the big plane to the little plane, but it looks like a little whale. That's where all the kids have a you get on the plane, you drop your baby or you toddler down the little slide.

SPEAKER_02 53:01

Yeah, go in the ball pit.

SPEAKER_00 53:02

Yeah, like Pepe's Playhouse.

SPEAKER_02 53:03

Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. But it's never gonna happen because you know the air, they just keep taking up leg room, they take away leg room, they take away seating room. So my dream of the kids plane, I realize is is uh is lost.

SPEAKER_00 53:17

But I will say I was on a plane once where toddler kicking my seat.

SPEAKER_02 53:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:23

Forever. And my issue, not with the toddler, with the parent. Right. I was I just I I mean, I had to turn around and I kind of did like a shrug. I was like, is there anything you're gonna do about this?

SPEAKER_04 53:33

Oh but I was just like, I was like, bitch, get off your iPad.

SPEAKER_00 53:40

Your toddler is out of line, and I didn't do the shrug for literally like two hours. Right.

SPEAKER_02 53:47

And you're most it's mostly you bring up a point. It's not, it's not so much babies and children on plane, it's the parents. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:53

Or an even better idea, it should be okay for you as an adult to turn around and be like to turn around and say you should not be able to do that. You know what I mean? Yes. I feel like it's it's all on parents now, too. It's like you have to be fully in charge of discipline. It like used to be it takes a village, like adult. It takes a business class. Yeah, we could norm we could yeah, it takes a business class. Um like we could also normalize like adults like helping out, like other adults helping out. Like if you want to sit and like fucking bitch about it, just take the baby and rock it for a second, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 54:25

Yeah, yeah. Or like or like baby. Matt, Matt. Matt, just rock the baby.

SPEAKER_03 54:30

Yeah, I don't know if it's gonna be like maybe not Amber with your search history, but somebody else. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 54:36

Like, yeah, I get a big red sticker on my forehead and I'm about touching.

SPEAKER_02 54:40

I hate babies on planes because it makes me lactate.

SPEAKER_03 54:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:46

You gotta go pump. Great, now I gotta change my shirt. Odd.

SPEAKER_00 54:52

Picture you two pads on your tits for no reason. That's so fucking ridiculous. Come see hot boys, May 30th, May 5th. Yeah, it's gonna be so.

SPEAKER_02 55:01

I'll lactate. Yeah, Matt's gonna laugh so hard.

SPEAKER_00 55:03

Matt's serving hot milk.

SPEAKER_02 55:04

Yeah, hot 98.6 degree milk.

SPEAKER_03 55:08

Bring your babies.

SPEAKER_02 55:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:09

Oh my god, what if only babies come to the show? You're gonna freak out. I'd be I mean with it. I'd be fine with it.

SPEAKER_03 55:15

It'd be so much easier.

SPEAKER_02 55:16

Just be like, you know. Yeah, honestly. Yeah, I know, right? This is easy laughs, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:21

We're sta that's basically as stand-ups like and improvisers too. Like, that's basically what we're doing for adults. It's just like you know what I mean. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 55:29

Oh, that's so embarrassing. I love it. Oh, okay. So um, I had one little prompty kind of idea earlier. Um, during COVID, I was before COVID, I was producing a lot of shows pretty regularly. Um, and then during COVID, I didn't want to like lose my, I don't know, stride. I was like kind of freaking out like everybody was. So I did a little weekly Zoom show, and that show was called That's the Stuff, and I would have guests on, and we would do kind of like a deep dive into our childhoods and nostalgia. So Matt just got scared. Um, but I I kind of had I was thinking about it and I was like, who was Eli when he was younger and what was Matt like? But I have guesses and I wanted to see what you guys thought of that, and then I'd like to if you got any any um input, I'd be interested. Okay. Alright, I really want to see this. Matt, I'm guessing you were probably like me and a bit shy. Well then a flat-chested freak. Yeah, when you were little, you were a grown woman.

SPEAKER_02 56:27

Yeah. Yes. You could hear me coming down the hall just because click click my high heels. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:33

Yeah, and you had a big stack of books and a pencil mini screen.

SPEAKER_02 56:35

Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_00 56:36

Fucking all the other teachers.

SPEAKER_02 56:37

Yeah. Um I was working at Private Dancer on Travis.

SPEAKER_00 56:43

Um, were you Shy Guy? Am I correct?

SPEAKER_02 56:45

Yeah, for sure. Definitely.

SPEAKER_00 56:47

Okay, okay. When did you feel like you got out of Shy?

SPEAKER_02 56:51

Oh boy. Forty? Yeah. Um no, I I think I mean well it's interesting. I think in college was where I started to explore, like, hey, wait, I can make other people laugh and and and affect other people's perspectives of me. And so I think that's where I started to experience that. If you talk to if you talk to my friends, like they'll they'll say, like, oh yeah, Matt'll talk to anybody. I and I will to some degree. I my me and my half-brothers are they're well, my brother Scott, my oldest half-brother, but like yeah, he's we're both you can like put us at a bar with and we'll just you can put somebody next to us and we'll just start so how about that hockey game. And then it turns into you know it turns into something else. But but yeah, I think I think it was yeah, it turns into sex. I get I get so much asked. Yeah, I know, right? Yeah, it's but yeah, I I yeah, I think it was in college where I was like, oh, I uh I can I need to develop my own personality. Because I was raised like very much in a bubble like under the underge. Under the bridge downtown. But um but yeah, so I it was it was then that I started to be like, uh, alright, well I gotta talk to people now, so let's figure it out.

SPEAKER_00 58:16

Interesting. I feel like I had a pretty similar like childhood. I felt really really afraid to speak up or raise my hand and stuff, and I had like I realized now that all my friends were like bullies and they would like make me do bad stuff, but I was like such a good kid at heart and I fucking hated everything about my childhood.

SPEAKER_01 58:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:35

Outside of like the other trauma, like my friends were like pretty fucking shitty. But um, okay, cool, clocked it, clocked it. Clocked it. Eli I have a feeling you were such a fun fucking brat. Like and like not in a bad way. I just picture you being like a silly, goofy kind of fun boy, and I feel like everyone probably gravitated towards you.

SPEAKER_03 58:56

I feel like you everything until you said that last part, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:00

Oh really?

SPEAKER_03 59:01

Kind of go go sorry, finish what you said.

SPEAKER_00 59:02

No, that's I I just I mean, I just feel like um I feel like you would be the kind of maybe a little bit under the radar, but like the girlies in high school being like, I don't know, Eli is so funny. I don't know. Matt laughed.

SPEAKER_03 59:16

Not quite. I mean Yes and no, because I also was like kind of a shy boy too. Oh, in certain ways. In certain ways.

SPEAKER_00 59:24

New show just dropped. Shy boys. Shy boys. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 59:27

We'll do a compendium called Beef Boys too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 59:30

We're gonna do we're gonna do a show called Shy Boys, but we're not gonna tell you guys about it.

SPEAKER_02 59:36

Can we do a whole podcast? You can't you can't find it. It's not it's stupid.

SPEAKER_03 59:41

No one's even gonna listen to it anymore.

SPEAKER_00 59:43

I want to talk about it.

SPEAKER_03 59:44

No, I mean, because there were certain places when I got comfortable with people or groups, I could definitely get out of my shell and be like obnoxious and fun and and all that, but especially in new group settings, uh or you know, and and and those kind of things, I definitely was uh a shy boy for sure too. But yeah, I mean like other than like girls being super into me in high school, um I mean like some, you know. I feel like I have like a very particular type who is attracted to me, and that's like that's kind of like my it's like my wavelength. Okay. Um just every girl I've ever dated has really been into Flight of the Concords. Like that's kind of that's like been the through line for all of them. Flight of the Concords and like Lonely Island and stuff. Oh my god, it's so funny.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:28

So like Flight of the Concords.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:30

Yes. Oh, what a good day.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:31

That's hilarious.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:33

So um you guys have been together over a year. Yeah. Aww, she's so pretty and cool.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:38

She's so pretty and cool.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:39

I'm like, I think the way I described her to somebody when I was talking about you once, I was like, it was just one of those things where she was so fucking welcoming to me. And I I I want to make my friends' partners feel comfortable around me, obviously. And um whatever, like I rats or something that you guys were at together, and she just like her smile was so fucking inviting, and I just remember running up to her, and she was like so nice to me. And yeah, anyway, I love her.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:04

And she's like said so many nice things about you and like and uh about Amber and about Matt. Like uh she's always just like, oh my god, Amber's so cool and she's so much fun, and she was like so happy to do this podcast. Every time I'm hanging out with Matt, she's like, I'm super jealous. Like, what you're hanging out with Matt Cook? Like, it's I am really lucky. She is very empathy. Yeah, and I'm watching, so it's cool. Oh my god. No, no, no, you and me. Yeah, I'm gonna be cuff chair boys.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:28

Yeah, sorry. Yeah, I would never, I would never, yeah. Oh, thanks, buddy. You never fuck a girl. What's uh got it?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:36

Got it. I'm just sitting, I'm literally being a cuck right now. I'm like sitting across the room taking pictures of them, and they are so uncomfortable. I'll make you guys pose later. It's fine.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:45

Um I feel like I want to guess how you were as a child, but I've seen your stand-up sets and I just know exactly you. You're very open about who you were and are.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:54

Yeah, yeah. I was like uh, I really liked being in the creek.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:01

I didn't want to hang out with anybody. I wanted to spin off. That describes everything about you. Like, I just won't be in the creek. I'm a creek boy. I'm a little creek girl. Oh, creeks, creakes.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:11

You have a beef with creeks?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:12

No, no, no, no, creekies.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:14

These are just names of creakers, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:15

What we could call the audience creakies.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:17

And also I don't know why they're always like E's at the end of them.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:20

It's fun, and um, that's such a bizarre one. But this is you just untapped something in my brain. I would get so excited to get off the bus, and I I lived on a big long call-de-sac, and down behind my friend's house back there was the creek, which was amazing. There's like big rope swings on the trees and stuff.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:38

Did you say creek or crick?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:39

Creek. My dad says crick.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:41

Ah, okay. Somebody was gonna say it.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:43

Crick is my father.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:46

I'm Mr. Crick.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:47

Thank you for belling me.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:49

No, I actually just dropped my panda.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:50

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:52

So there was a I'll I'll bail you when you've earned it.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:55

Oh, understood, chef. Um, so good job. Thank you. Um at the end of the street, when I was like in kindergarten, first grade, second grade, down at the end of the call-de-sac, there was a huge, like so embarrassing, huge tar pit. And my my best friends that lived on my call-de-sac and I would be like all day talking about get into that tar pit. We gotta get to the pit. And we would literally take like some like little Lego people and rocks and like sticks, and we'd go sit in the tar pit and cover all of these toys with tar, and then like go back the next day and excavate them, and every day we're all going home with like tar under our fingernails. Lived for that. So that if that describes who I was as a child, I didn't know we had tar pits in Ohio. I felt like I was like that's so cool. I felt like I was doing like Jurassic Park shit, and I was always excited to find like bones in there. Just a just a stupid construction boy made a big spilly mess, but I loved it over there.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:56

I lived it for it. I love how like you you talk you first start talking about creeks and then you immediately go there, like, I was in the tar pits.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:04

I'm a special breed.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:06

You have to like you have to like ease in with the creek so we could get to like the good tar pit stuff, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:11

You're like, oh, she's just a good old boy.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:12

And then a tar picker. I'm a just that's that could be our country album. I'm a tar pit picker. Tar pit girl, yeah. Be just a tar pit girl in a cricket world. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:25

Wow. Beautiful. Butterfly kisses. Yeah. It was beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:32

Yeah, but is this fart the fart horn?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:35

That's so funny. That's a really musical fart. I guess like Batman 66 that show, like pow.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:42

Oh, yeah, like a capow. Capow. Capao. Oh, I love that. Wait, okay. Um, do you guys have any ghost stories?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:50

Ooh, I no, I don't have any ghost stories.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:53

I'm gonna be the loser. Uh I'm gonna be the the naysayer and be like, I just don't believe in ghosts. Oh, cheese. Don't believe in ghosts.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:58

I figured you do because you're I believe people. I listen to people, I believe their stories. Yeah. Believe shit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:07

Um just you have anxiety. That's what I'll do.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:10

I love that you wait. I love that you wait till the last two minutes to get into conspiracy shit, and then it's like, yep, sorry. We're too. No, I thought not you, not you, Eli. Like I yeah, I guess you did, but you have already talked to me for hours about it. I know, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:25

No, I like no, I just assume.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:26

Have you read Chaos? Have you read about MK Ultra? Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:30

I love it. Um Yeah, I believe in ghosts.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:32

You have any ghost stories? I don't have any ghosts.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:34

I do have some. I feel like I've told some on the podcast before, but um one is kind of dark, but my best friend in high school was murdered.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:42

Oh, I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:43

Thank you. I I was like, I'll just bring it up. We got one minute left, we'll wrap up on a really high note. But she was murdered, and the last place she had stayed was my house. So um, I was home alone at my place, and essentially I was like really sad. I was 15 and I was grieving, and I would I was uh really To be at my house. The sun was going down, but my brothers and my dad weren't home yet. And I was talking out loud to her. And I was like, um, so this um big chandelier above my head started like the lights. Yeah. And I was like, Valerie, that's not funny. Don't fuck with me, dude. I'm too scared. Just please don't fuck with me. You can visit, but don't fuck with me. So I started getting scared, so I left that room. And then then in the next room, all those lamps started doing the same thing. And then I ran out to the front hallway to look out the front door to wait for my family to come home. And I'm rocking back and forth. And I was like, dude, that's not funny. That's not funny. And she was such a fucking scamp. Like she would absolutely do this shit. And then what do you know? The light above me again just starts flickering. And then I ran outside and I sat in the driveway, like shaking until my parents got home. My parent. I didn't have two parents. Mommy was nowhere to be found.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:49

Um that was she was a ghost.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:55

They both went for the bell. I loved that. They like basically had the gayest little physical. Amber's mom was gone. Woo! I love it. Any ghost stories, Matt?

SPEAKER_02 1:07:03

Uh I just used to, I just forgot. I used to see shadow people when I was a kid. Yeah. When I was a kid. I just used to. Well, my dad died when I was seven and a half weeks old. So I think I don't know what.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:15

That's so I had no idea.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:17

But yeah, but I think the older I get, the more I realize, like, oh wait, I did see shadow people when I was a kid. And I feel like that house was a little haunted by that when I was growing up.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:26

What's a shadow person?

SPEAKER_02 1:07:27

It's just like you just see like a shadow, like kind of blink in and out.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:31

Like Yeah, it's it seems to be the way people describe it, and correct me if I'm wrong, it's usually like, you know, when you turn the light off in your room and you're like, oh, it's pitch black? Blacker than that. And it's like that's what makes it so obvious, is you're like, I'm that's fucking the darkest dark I've ever seen. Yeah um do you feel like it was a negative entity or maybe something?

SPEAKER_02 1:07:50

Oh no, it was a it was neutral. Uh I just remember I would just be playing and I would look, I'd just like be like, I always I I used to just chalk it up to oh, I'm just seeing things, or you know, but uh yeah, I've had a very much a sense of the what people call the supernatural since I was a little kid, and I could go into that, but we're not gonna go.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:12

So um Oh, and I'm gonna be having you back.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:14

Okay. I will talk about this shit all day.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:16

Eli, you can set this one out. Okay. Wait, you can sit in the cock chair next.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:20

I'll just chair and be like, no, no, this is real. You can sit in my lap.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:23

Oh shit. Oh my god. I do like I do feel bad because I was like, this is all dumb, you have anxiety, and then you're like, my dad died, my friend was murdered, and we stole their bodies, and I'm just wait, we picked some good stories.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:35

You're an asshole.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:36

Yeah, Eli, you're a piece of shit. Um, uh did you ever have any, and this is kind of dark and we don't have to bring it up, but did you feel like you ever had a visitation from your father in your dreams?

SPEAKER_02 1:08:47

My mom said I did one I I she tells this story, I don't remember it, but like when I was in second grade and I talked about feeling like the presence of my dad. But I will say Oh wow, I I've I've been fucked up for a long time because I remember I used to as a as a little kid, like I don't know how I got this sense, like I'd be like eight years old, and like I just realized this wasn't real because I would like try to jump 180 degrees as fast as I can to catch all like the the I the cameras and the like the empty warehouse behind me. Like I had this sense of like like reality is sort of only what you can see and I used to like be like, oh, there's just an empty warehouse behind me, and like you know, like I'm like almost in like this virtual reality world and stuff like that, and like if I jump fast if I jump around fast enough, I can catch the world materializing like wait, that's so cute. It was crazy because I like and this was like this was but this was before like what I kind of like toys. Not like actually not at all like Toy Story, more like Virtuosity with Russell Crow and Dendril Washington.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:58

But um Eli's trying so hard to understand us right now.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:02

But yeah, what about that Pixar movie?

SPEAKER_02 1:10:04

Yeah, that uh yeah. What about uh what about inside out?

SPEAKER_03 1:10:08

Yeah, it's like Woody, it's like Woody and his friends, they just like pop down when they're when you turn around.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:12

Yeah, but I like I've had very much a sense that this wasn't real. Six the sixth sense, but uh he fucked me up, yeah. But I I've had the sense that like this isn't real uh for a long time.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:27

Oh, you guys, that's the perfect cliffhanger for the next episode with Matt because I listen to so many insane podcasts about timelines and um oh gosh, what what is it when you leave your body at night to float around?

SPEAKER_02 1:10:39

Astral projection. Think you should. I've been trying to do that. Oh my god, I love it. Um I think my SSRIs are keeping me from doing it, but well, that's another podcast.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:48

Go off your meds, man. That'll help.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:50

We don't want to see that.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:51

By the next time we're on this podcast, uh Matt is not gonna be I'm not gonna let him take his meds. I'm gonna hide his meds.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:56

We're all gonna quit. We're all gonna not do our ideas.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:58

Wait.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:59

What is sad? Wait, can I just like do a quick beef though? Please beef. Yeah, my beef. Ghosts, uh, quit fucking around with us, alright? Quit fucking with us, ghosts. I'm cool with it. Okay. Don't listen. Don't listen to him.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:11

Don't listen to him, Jeff.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:12

I know you're uh I like babies on planes, and I don't want ghosts fucking with me.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:18

I have um the so the one little haunting I'll tell you now, just because it's present, is I'm watching my brother's house while he's gone. It's a house he bought, it's a little ranch. Um, he bought it like 10 years ago, probably. But my niece, who is four now, when she was around two to three, my brother's wife, um, she would kids are gross, and we'll come into the bathroom with you. And uh my s my sister-in-law would be on the toilet and Ruby is her name. She'd point at this top corner of the shower and basically say, There's a man. The man, the man, the man. So my brother's wife told me that, and I go, Ooh, dude, fuck me up. Hate that. I'm so afraid of baby monitors. So when I babysit her and my nephew, I have to like look at two baby monitors, and I'm like so afraid of seeing activity, I will like literally leave them to die. Yeah, literally. So I I babysat Ruby recent uh um not far after her seeing the man in the shower. And my brother's wife was like, dude, I cannot see the man in the shower. Ha! Shaman. Oh my god. So she, Ruby, I'm babysitting her one day, and she's at the top of the basement stairs and pointing to the stairs. She's like, I want to go in the basement. I want to go in the basement. And I'm like doing something. I was like, we can soon, no worries. And then she's like, Hi, hi. I want to play with him. I want to play with him. He wants me to play with him.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:37

And I was like, Oh, we never went to the basement. That man in the shower was Jared Fogle.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:43

Oh my god. Shut up, Jared Fogle. Hey, shut up, my boy. Jamboo.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:53

We'll bring up Michael Jackson at the end. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:55

Yeah. And many shankings to you, Jared.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:57

Yeah. Oh. I love that. That's really fun. I like it. Yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:03

Um you guys, I'm so excited for the show uh that you're putting together.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:06

And I we're so excited to have you on. Everyone on the lineup, we're we're really excited about it. We're happy um to have this. Uh except for us.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:15

We're not excited to have us on along.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:17

I I tolerate us.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:18

Yeah, we tolerate us.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:19

Um, no, and it's uh just seeing you guys at Bratz last week. I was like, I hope they do this forever. Like, I had so much fun with your set.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:26

Um That was the first time we'd like been on stage together, too. Ever. Like, which I was like, we I mean we have good friend chemistry, but I remember getting off and being like, wow, that was like really good.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:36

Yeah. I watched our I watched our set and I was like, I was like, it was good. I was like, I was like, okay, I can do this and this and this better.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:42

So yeah, that's what I think genuinely made me feel like um you guys could have a fun podcast and like have such a successful show in the future, just like and lean into that. I want to tell you guys now, like take book one less person in the future and fucking fuck around. Do it at up top and do it at the end, um, play some games because like you guys were we can just cut you out of the show if you want. I and that's honest No, we're not gonna do that. I I had you on the show. I want to cut you out of the show. We want you to see. Unbook me. Unbook me, daddy. Um I don't like any of this. I hate I hate saying daddy to men, and I do it to my guy friends because it makes them so uncomfortable, and I can't stop doing it. Um I'm a real freak. Um, so uh, Matt, you have a another show I want to plug. Um, you're gonna be at Sister Lou's comedy showcase at the attic on May 31st.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:34

Yep. Day after Hot Boys. So Hot Boys.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:37

Right after you're a hot boy, you're gonna be a sister.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:39

I'm gonna be a sister. Uh Sister Lou's great. I love Sister Lou. She's really great. She's really a very awesome person.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:44

She's a great comic. She's very she's so inviting. She's really good to comics.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:48

One of the best mics, if not the best mic in the the city, just for like crowd. Like just fun.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:54

I haven't been yet because I used to work that evening. I'm sorry, the Wednesdays.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:57

The Wednesday mic is like, that's what I was talking about. Yeah, it's like easily, I don't know. Like, it feels like a performance. Like, I try to like every now and again I'll try to bring stuff to work out. Well, you know what I'm saying though? But no, we're saying it's like some mics you go to just it's the you're you're working out material. You're like, you're like, okay, I don't care if anyone laughs. I mean, I want people to laugh, but like I'm just trying to things. But you show up to that mic and you're like, fuck. Like, I don't know if I really want to try anything new because you gotta bring it. Because, yeah, because I don't like I don't want to kill the room. Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:30

So they kind of get a pretty good audience. It's right, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:33

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:34

I love that. Um, Eli, Matt, thank you so much. I'm looking forward to the show. I would love to have you back anytime.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:41

Um, and thanks to the Weenies, I decided I think you should be called the Weenies.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:45

I think Weenies is pretty cute. Right? Unless marketing Matt's gonna make me feel like fear being a pedophile or whatever again. Actually, I think Matt needs to help you with that.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:56

Well, that's something for me, therapists. You do you do you do bring up a good point. If you wanna if you want to get big on social media, you might they're they might they might shadow ban you for weenies.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:06

I want no success.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:08

Yeah, beefy beef beefers or beefy, yeah. Maybe maybe less, a little less innuendo-y.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:15

Okay, you're right, you're right. And I'm I'm making note of this.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:17

Learn from the hot boys.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:19

Hey, the hot boys did it first.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:22

We're we're breaking down barriers.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:23

That's pretty fun. Very German.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:27

Um, well, you guys got anything you want to say? Are you sorry? Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:32

Yeah, I'm so sorry. I'm not sorry.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:35

All right. I think that's gonna do it. Bye.