AI for Life's Tough Conversations

Ever wish you could outsource that awkward family talk to someone else? 

Joe Downs and Peter Swain dive deep into how AI can prep you for life’s toughest conversations, from asking for a raise to confronting aging parents about care. 

With practical examples, listener questions, and real-life stories (including how Peter used AI to co-parent from 3,000 miles away), they show how the right context and prompts can turn emotionally fragile moments into calm, productive outcomes. 

If you’ve been putting off a talk that keeps you up at night, this episode is your roadmap—and AI is your new conversation coach.

Listen For

:22 How Can AI Help You Prepare for the Hardest Conversation You’ve Been Avoiding?

3:56 What’s the Right Way for Artists to Use AI Without Copying Other Creators?

12:40 How Do You Build a Master Context Document So AI Actually Gives Smart Advice?

23:12 How Can AI Reframe Fear Before Asking for a Raise or Having a Money Talk?

30:04 What Happens When You Let AI Challenge Your Assumptions Before a Parenting Decision?

Email the “Idiots” Joe and Peter

Joe Downs

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Peter Swain

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Chapters

• 0:22 How Can AI Help You Prepare for the Hardest Conversation You’ve Been Avoiding?
• 3:56 What’s the Right Way for Artists to Use AI Without Copying Other Creators?
• 12:40 How Do You Build a Master Context Document So AI Actually Gives Smart Advice?
• 23:12 How Can AI Reframe Fear Before Asking for a Raise or Having a Money Talk?
• 30:04 What Happens When You Let AI Challenge Your Assumptions Before a Parenting Decision?

Transcript

Joe Downs (00:00):

But the more intimate you get with it, the more you use it, the more you get comfortable with it, you realize it's a life tool as well.That didn't make you money. That didn't save you time, but it probably improved your relationship.

(00:22):

Think about the hardest conversation you've been avoiding. Maybe it's telling an aging parent it's time to give up the car keys or setting boundaries with your in- laws. Or finally, talking to your spouse about something that's been building up for months. Most people put these off, not because they don't care, but because they don't know how to start without making it worse. Here's what AI can do. It can help you understand why it's so hard for the other person. Anticipate every objection they're going to throw at you. Script exactly how to open so it doesn't blow up in the first 30 seconds.

(00:55):

That's not therapy, folks. That's preparation. And preparation removes the fragility of emotions. I'm Joe Downs, with me is Peter Swain. We're just a couple of successful idiots who figured out how to use AI to improve our lives and power our businesses. And that's what we're here to do today. Peter, true or false, AI is so powerful it can handle awkward family conversations better than the Royals who handle theirs by stripping your titles and hoping you move to California.

Peter Swain (01:29):

As the palace would say, no comment.

Joe Downs (01:33):

I didn't think you'd have one. All right. Before we jump in, here's what's coming up. We're opening the mailbag. We asked you to email and you did. So they've been rolling in, Peter, and then we're going to offer some help for the sandwich generation, of which both you and I are in, by the way. And then show you how to prompt AI for the money conversations that nobody wants to have. And then finally, at the end, the conversation you've been avoiding, Peter's going to show you how to prompt all of these. So all right. Let's get into it regarding the emails, keep them coming, idiots@successfulidiots.com. First, quick shout out to Judy Lee for a really kind email. Peter, she's loving your stories and analogies and can listen to them all day. And if I didn't know any better, I'd think that was Lizzie. But I actually don't think Lizzie would actually say she could listen to them all day.

(02:24):

But she also says, as a Canadian, she wants our producer, Doug, to know she pronounces it Claude, not Clode. So note it, Judy.

Peter Swain (02:35):

Maybe an East Coast, West Coast thing.

Joe Downs (02:37):

It could be. Fan mail is always nice folks, so thank you. But even better are the real questions for people actually putting AI to work. And we got our first one and I'm super excited. Shelby writes, Dear Idiots, which I guess we kind of walked into that one when we named the show. Which question, are you idiot one or idiot two?

Peter Swain (03:00):

Well, you're the host, right? So

Joe Downs (03:03):

I'm just

Peter Swain (03:04):

Walking.

Joe Downs (03:05):

One is two better than one or is two worse than one. Anyway, Shelby writes, "I'm an artist, oil on canvas. I've been using ChatGPT to help me conceptualize ideas." Bravo, Bravo, Shelby. Well, here's an idea. This is one of ideas she wants help with. I want to paint polar bears on ice in a unique way. And she wants to know what other artists have done that's effective. Obviously, she doesn't want to steal their ideas, but rather come up with new ones based on whatever made those, the ones she's seen that are successful. Shelby, I just slap a Coca-Cola logo on it and I think you'll do well. No, seriously. Great use case. Peter, what prompts should an artist like Shelby use to push her creative process?

Peter Swain (03:56):

That's a great question. And I'm actually going to riff on the Coca-Cola thing for a second.

Joe Downs (04:00):

Okay.

Peter Swain (04:01):

Or other such non-branded Cola. To say one of AI's true capabilities is it can pattern match across everything it's ever learned, which is everything. So I'll give you a stupid example. Shelby could take a picture of a squirrel running up a tree and then load that into ChatGPT claude, whatever she wants and say, "Hey, I want to paint a picture of polar bears on ice oil along canvas, but this moment of this squirrel running up this tree really stuck with me because of the way it's tiny claws stuck in the bark." I hope everyone's following along.

(04:41):

How could that incorporate, not from a literal perspective, but from an inspiration perspective, what would that mean in this context? So what I'm trying to get to is you could do the obvious things. Why did this art work? What other famous works have been around snow, frost, ice, polar bears, large bears? You could do those kind of things. You could say, "Hey, sunflowers and this, what would happen if you merged those together? How could I look to emulate the style of this artist?" All those things. But honestly, just a big voice dump of just everything that's in your brain or a photo dump is actually probably going to serve you better in terms of just riffing off ideas. But the biggest thing to say here is, and this applies to everything we do, whether it's business, personal, health, wealth, life, art, is to remember that AI is not supposed to be a cheerleader, it's supposed to be aspiring partner.

(05:39):

So most people will put one prompt in, get one answer back and go, "Wow, this thing is great." People that are using this in anger will go, "No, I don't think that's good." Or, "Yay, that's an eight out of 10 answer. Give me a 10 out of 10 answer." Or, "What would you tell me if you were Van Gogh?" So it's more of a conversation, Joe, than it is a prompt to use.

Joe Downs (06:09):

I love how you ... I also like listening to you. Well, thank you. Well, no, you make me think of different perspectives, which is a challenge because then my brain starts going in different directions. But no, especially because all of those things, like you just said, that's really more of a way of thinking is, I guess, what I'm trying to get out. And you could apply that to so many different ways in your life. You made me think while you were just saying that, what if she were to take the polar bears perspective and paint from the perspective of the polar bear or something? Just the challenge of the thinking. I think the more you use AI, the more ... It doesn't directly challenge you. And I don't know, maybe it does, but it inspires you to challenge yourself to think of more creative ways.

(07:04):

One of my favorite things you ever showed me was co-creation. And I'm wondering if Shelby could even use that here in this instance.

Peter Swain (07:14):

A hundred percent. And let's just do a bit of brain science for a second of when you think of an idea or a problem, there's a certain part of your brain active. And if you need to then put that in an email and send that to somebody and then wait for the response to come back, when the response comes back, that part of your brain is not underactive. You're thinking about the kids' dinner and now you've got the email with the financing solution, or in this case, same as if you have therapy or coaching, or same as if Shelby goes to art class. She might have this moment of inspiration on a Tuesday, but art class isn't till Friday. So when she gets to Friday, the only thing she can describe is the intellectual understanding of what she realized on Tuesday. What people gain from AI that is, in my opinion, probably the most powerful thing that you get through this journey is you're having the conversation whilst you're in the moment of inspiration.

(08:13):

So that leads to exactly what you said. "Oh, what about this? Or what about this? Or what about this? Or what about this? "And I think we're actually going to run into a new form of a mental health issue in the next year because I reached the point of creative fatigue,

Joe Downs (08:29):

Not

Peter Swain (08:29):

Physical fatigue, but I'm like, " My brain is tired because I've done what would've taken a month in elapsed time in terms of thought process, thinking, creativity. I've done it in three minutes. It's so powerful. And when you come into this in the art space, I think it's going to be just a huge riff, riff, back forward, riff, riff. All my days, this could be-

Joe Downs (08:56):

Couldn't agree more. I thought you were actually going to say with the mental condition addiction, because I actually, jokingly, when I'm on stage in front of people learning about storage, I talk about AI and how we use it, and I'm always like, listen, this comes with a warning label. It's very addictive once you get into it. If you're an entrepreneur, this is extremely addictive. That's where I thought you were going with it anyway.

Peter Swain (09:20):

Well, it's your best self. It is. If it's used properly, which is

Joe Downs (09:25):

Insane.

Peter Swain (09:27):

Thank you, Shelby.

Joe Downs (09:29):

Yeah. Real quick though, because the inspiration behind this was entrepreneurial, but we realized quickly this is life, right? And so everything we just said, quick bridge for ... If you're a graphic designer in marketing or creative fields, what did we just talk about? How is that applicable immediately in your work?

Peter Swain (09:50):

It's exactly the same concept of ... I was doing a pitch deck the other day and it was talking about reusing IP, how we can use AI to repurpose our own IP. And instead of having crappy, swirly images on the left, I asked for bobbleheads of Marvel characters because a Marvel character for me, bobbleheads of Marvel characters is one of the best examples of reusing IP. Marvel don't invent Wolverine tomorrow and then invent a whole new character the next day. They make billions of dollars from Wolverine. So once they've got the IP, they reuse it. It's a long way of me saying of me going, "Hang a second." And that came through a conversation with Claude, with me saying, "What is a real world example of people reusing IP really successfully that everybody would understand, everybody would get? But I want a Meta example, not an obvious example." And it said, "Bobbleheads of Marvel." I'm like, "Great." And then I'm into Nano Banana Pro and Gamma and the tools that sit behind that and say, "This is what I need." And it's exactly what I got.

Joe Downs (10:59):

We're going to need to do a segment on that because, as you know, I'm part of Strategic Coach as well. And there was someone I met up there who, their whole thing was they were recreating comics for business. That was part of their business plan. And there's a whole science behind it. We can't get into that today, but I think you just nailed it with that and we need to do a segment on that in the future. Peter, as I mentioned in the opening, we are both in the sandwich generation. What does that mean? We are raising kids and caring for aging parents at the same time. It's exhausting. It's expensive and nobody teaches you how to do it. So what prompts should we be using for things like Medicare confusion, which nobody understands Medicare, coordinating with your siblings maybe who aren't really pitching in and you don't know how to bring it up, or maybe they're even out of town.

(11:57):

Finding care options even for your elderly parents when they don't want to talk about it, you don't know how to talk about it with them. And then a lot of times we're taking them to doctor's appointments and trying to not only just manage them, but what was said at them? I can't even care for myself medically.

(12:19):

If you're like me, how do you also then try to care for your aging parent when you don't know what all these terms mean and this is a good lab result, bad lab result, whatever. How can AI help us in our busy lives with kids, full-time jobs, craziness going on, and we're caring for parents?

Peter Swain (12:40):

So I'm going to give people a little step one, step two, step three here, and you might need to pause the podcast and jump back 15 seconds because this is such an important concept that really should be infused in everything you do in the world of AI. So here's what you're going to do. Step one, you're going to open up something again. When I say Claude, if you use ChatGPT Gemini just in step blanket, you're going to open up your AI friend and you're going to say, "I need your help with looking after my mother." So for example, here's what you're going to do and you give it the basic description. She's 70 years old, she lives on her own, she's an hour and a half away, she has good eyesight, she weighs this much, whatever it is you know that comes to your head.

(13:26):

And then you're going to ask this question. You say, "Your job is now to ask me 20 questions, one question at a time in order to give you a full profile and a full understanding of this person. Only ask one question at once and make sure your follow-on questions are informed by the answer I've just given." So you're going to give whatever comes to your head and then get it to ask you 20 questions and each time I ask you a question, it's going to ask another question, another question. When it finishes the 20, which will take about an hour, you're then going to say, "Now output everything that I just told you. Do not condense, be verbose." It's going to give you a big long document and you're going to save that as a Word doc, as a PDF, as a text file, in Google Drive, wherever you save files, just copy and paste it.

Joe Downs (14:17):

Is this sort of our Rosetta Stone that we're creating for caring for ...

Peter Swain (14:21):

So Rosette Stone is both conceptual and in the concept of it, yes. What we're doing is creating a master context document for this conversation because in all of the examples that you gave, for example, labs, let's take that as an example. Is this a good or bad lab result is very dependent on does the person have arthritis? Yes or no. Do they have high blood pressure? Yes or no? Do they have a good diet? Yes or no? The fact that they're a 75-year-old man/woman is nowhere near enough to give you any understanding of what those things mean. If you have kids that are neurodivergent, you're going to have in very different responses. If you have five kids versus two kids, it's going to be a very different response. So before we get into anything of care options, Medicare, having difficult conversations, we need the AI to know as much as we know, which is never possible, but it needs to be on the same spectrum of knowledge that we have.

Joe Downs (15:24):

Needs a foundation of base.

Peter Swain (15:26):

100%.

Joe Downs (15:27):

I cut you off. I just wanted to understand that. So go ahead.

Peter Swain (15:29):

Yes, exactly. But what humans are great at, and I've used this example I think before, Joe, if you called me and said, "Hey, I've had a family emergency, can you come and run my business for me? " I would go, "Sure, but here's the 20 things I need to know. Are there any high value customers that if they haven't paid the invoice, I should wait till you get back? How much do you want me to push and pressure? Is there anyone on the team that's not in a good place right now? Where's the alarm code for the door?" There's 20 questions that any smart person would ask some variation of those questions. What you got to remember is AI can often act like a dumb missile and it can forget to ask those questions, especially if you're in ChatGPT, not clawed. So you could say, "Is this a good lab result?" And it could come back and say, "No, it's terrible." But if you then said, "By the way, they have high blood pressure and they're taking this medication, this medication, this medication," then it would go, "Actually, that's a really good result for somebody in that scenario." So if we're going to ask these questions which are so important, most of the time I'd rather people's curve to getting a result be a three-minute curve in these questions, I think I would be not doing anyone any service if I was to say, "You're going to get an answer in three minutes." No, you're going to sit with this for an hour teaching it and helping you understand it better so that you can get great results, not mediocre results.

(17:01):

But once you have those context files, like this is my dad, this is my mom, this is my son, each of the ones you said are one line prompts at that point. "I don't understand Medicare. Here's the profile of my dad attached. Help me understand. "It really just becomes like a one line prompt. We don't need to get super technical on the prompting because we've done the work in the context. The context is always more important than the prompt.

Joe Downs (17:30):

So I just had a little bit of an epiphany and I hope anyone listening did as well. So all of the angst and unknowns and fear and overwhelm, which all leads to stress, those are all the easy things. I opened this segment with the Medicare and sibling coordination and care options, and those are the things that stress you out because it looks like a mountain ahead of you, but you just reduce them to, that's just a one line prompt. The real work is actually not hard work, it's just in the setup.

Peter Swain (18:11):

Yeah. You watched Shark Tank, right?

Joe Downs (18:14):

Yeah.

Peter Swain (18:15):

So you'd have seen this pattern. Somebody stands up and says," I want $500,000 for 20% of my business or 5% of my business and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. "And then shark one, I'm out, shark two, I'm out, shark three, I'm out, shark four, I'm out. And shark five says," Tell me da, da, da, da. "And the candidate, I don't know what they're called, the person pitching will go, " Yeah, well, obviously we got the patent issued three months ago and shark one, two, three, and four will go, whoa, you what? You have a patent? Oh, I'm now back in. "Because that one piece of information changes the course entirely of the decision. It's the question, the prompt is simple. It's making sure the context is understanding. I only had just this yesterday. In fact, I probably get it once a day where somebody on my team asks me to make a decision, I make a decision and then they say," Obviously Mari isn't in on Friday.

(19:16):

"I'm like, " Why didn't you tell me that 10 minutes? That was a key part of this decision. "Your laughter tells me you've experienced this recently as well.

Joe Downs (19:29):

Well, always, right? But I'm laughing because I'm thinking about the movie A Few Good Men. Downy wasn't even there. Where was that little tidbit of information?

Peter Swain (19:41):

Exactly. Kind

Joe Downs (19:42):

Of important.

Peter Swain (19:47):

We are so good at context as humans and we're so good at clarifying context when we don't understand it. And AI is so poor at it, to be honest, in comparison to what a human mind can do. And it's terrible at reminding you or telling you when it has gaps that it needs because it wants to please you, it wants to impress you. So it says," Yeah, do this, this, and this. My family loves my dog. Should I put my dog to sleep? "A human would go, " Well, that completely depends. "And I go, " Well, he's a German shepherd, he's 12 years old and XXX and this just happened. "You go, " Well, maybe. "Whereas AI might just answer that question and say," No, you shouldn't. "Like," Well, actually, maybe I should. "So context, context, context.

Joe Downs (20:42):

All right. Well, before we move on, I love that segment. Before we move on, I have to ask the question. I counted five sharks. Do you guys have an extra shark over there because you're on an island? What's going on? No,

Peter Swain (20:53):

I said shark one, two, three, four is out, and then shark five says something and they come back in, didn't they?

Joe Downs (20:57):

Yeah. Does there have five sharks on Shark Tank?

Peter Swain (21:00):

How many do you have?

Joe Downs (21:01):

We have four. You have an extra shark. All right.

Peter Swain (21:05):

We have a dragon, by the way. We don't even have a shark. They're dragons den in the UK.

Joe Downs (21:09):

Does your shark tank come with chips? That's a

Peter Swain (21:12):

Bad joke. All right. Chips or crisps. Crisp,

Joe Downs (21:15):

Whatever.

(21:18):

All right. We got some conversations to deal with here. One of them can be a good one, I guess. It should be a good one. It's the money conversation. It should lead to something good. Doesn't make it any easier to have. They're the awkward ones. And then the other one's the tough conversation. So we'll kind of mold these two together here, but they're both awkward, Peter. What prompts should people be using to ask for a raise? It's not a big, real low, not a life or death situation, but still awkward. You ever out to dinner or you go on a trip with people, it's time to split costs. How do you have that conversation over text or email or whatever it is? And then there's talking to your spouse, spending habits, how to have the conversation so it doesn't turn into World War III.

Peter Swain (22:13):

Well, I don't know if we can promise that when you added spouse in the list, but let's have

Joe Downs (22:16):

A- Yeah,

Peter Swain (22:17):

We'll

Joe Downs (22:18):

Try.

Peter Swain (22:18):

Okay. So first of all, the context thing again is key. Somebody asking for a raise. How long have they been at the company? How important are they to the company? The current rate they're on next to market conditions. Have they been succeeding in the last three months? Have they asked you six months ago? Did they last ask you a year ago? Do you have an annual review policy? There's so many pieces to that question that we need to get into the context of it. That'd be number one. Number two is the actual, this person's asked for a raise, I'm inclined to do this, help me structure that conversation, that communication is really the easy bit of the prompt. What I would say is a lot more interesting as a use case is actually to focus on that word you said of it's awkward, it's anxious, it's this fear.

(23:12):

One of the things I like to use AI for is to tell it to reframe me. So I will say, "I'm finding it hard to have this conversation. Help me understand why I'm finding it hard to have this conversation and help me reframe it in my mind."

Joe Downs (23:34):

I love that.

Peter Swain (23:36):

So I was like, "I don't like doing social media. Help me reframe that. " And it said, "Well, what's your problem with it? " And I went, "I just think it's full of idiots that want to post pictures of their own food. I don't want to play that game. I don't want to be part of that. It's not of interest to me. " And it came back and said, "You're not wrong, but also you have a giant ego and you love standing on a stage. This is the stage where you can't be filtered, where no one can tell you what to say or how to say it. You can say whatever you want and it's going to find the algorithm will find the audience that love you for it. "

(24:16):

I'm like, "Oh my God, I love this idea. This is brilliant. I can stand up and call people an F wit whatever I like and the algorithm's going to reward me for it. How do I do this? This is brilliant. Let's go. " So I would say that this really applies here. If you're finding it hard to have that conversation with your spouse, you have an issue inside you. So it's more empowering to go, "Well, it's not that they have a problem. It's that you have a problem," which is frustrating, but empowering. It lets you get to that. So I would say that number one use case I'd have here is context, context, context. The actual answer to the question's super simple, but it's more about how does it reframe it for you. All

Joe Downs (25:02):

Right. Oh, also,

Peter Swain (25:05):

Sorry, make sure you tell it what your objective is. This is something, again, that people miss from a context perspective. So let's take the spouse conversation. Is your objective to maintain a loving connection with your spouse first and foremost, and is second is to discuss spending, or is your objective to cure the spending, and if that's at the expense of your connection, you're okay accepting that?

Joe Downs (25:38):

I'd be curious to see how AI responded

Peter Swain (25:41):

To that. I've had exactly that conversation and I know exactly how it responded to that.

Joe Downs (25:45):

And it might depend on which tool you're using, I guess, right?

Peter Swain (25:48):

100%. But when I said, "Hey, listen, the most important thing is this. " It's like, "Okay, then let's approach it this way." Because we don't want guilt, we don't want accusation, we don't want to drive the conversation to a confrontation. Whereas if you turn around and say, "This has to be fixed," then it will drive it to confrontation because actually the confrontation is helpful in getting the issue fixed if you're willing to accept the break in the relationship to do it. But all of those things, like the rates, is it more important that the person stays or is it more important that from a continuity perspective or a company perspective that it goes the way you said, even if that means the person leaves?

Joe Downs (26:29):

I think we just got a window into your life because you assumed when I asked that, that was the employer asking AI for help.

Peter Swain (26:37):

Oh, good. Well, yeah.

Joe Downs (26:43):

I meant the employee who is trying to strike up the nerve.

Peter Swain (26:46):

Same thing. Is it more important for you to get your way or is it more important for you to open the door for your future career? There's the same thing, but yes, it's from the other side.

Joe Downs (26:55):

Yeah. But is it still the context of help me with my difficult situation of asking for a raise or is your prompt- I deserve a raise. Help me tell my boss in the best way possible how and why I deserve a raise.

Peter Swain (27:12):

And also that self-diagnostic of, this is what you just said, I deserve da, da, da, da, da. What in there needs to be reframed or discussed that shows gaps in my psyche because you use the word deserve, says who?

Joe Downs (27:28):

Says who, right? Yeah.

Peter Swain (27:29):

Says you. Great. Well, your boss might not agree. And it's actually, Joe, you might've had this, but I found this fascinating. I've employed people for 30 years now and as a general rule, and as a general rule, masculine energy, let's say that instead of saying something else, masculine energy comes to him and says, "I'm on 40, I want 48, and here's why." Feminine energy tends to come in the room and say, "I've talked to other people and I've looked at the market and I really think it would be a good idea if, " and it's all this soft, couchy language. So masculine comes in like uber hard and feminine comes in completely backseat and I always find it quite funny and I think AI could help level both of those energies back to the middle of a constructive conversation that can accelerate. So yes, this applies equally for any hard conversation.

Joe Downs (28:23):

And now that just made me think when you're having this dialogue with AI after your initial prompt, you should probably inform it about your boss, including is your boss a female or a male. 100%. I have these- You might want to come in with, I read about it or I researched it information if your boss is a female based on what you just said.

Peter Swain (28:45):

I have a context document for you.

Joe Downs (28:48):

Wait, for me?

Peter Swain (28:49):

Yeah. So when I'm emailing you or when we're discussing things, if I want to frame it in a certain way, I load up a context document of you.

Joe Downs (28:57):

I'm not sure. I

Peter Swain (28:57):

Have one for all my business partners. I have an awful one for all my co-founders. I have for my teacher and my school's teacher.

Joe Downs (29:07):

I need to hack your files and see what

Peter Swain (29:09):

You're saying. I've probably 50 of them.

Joe Downs (29:12):

Find out what you're saying about me.

Peter Swain (29:14):

That he's a lovely man to

Joe Downs (29:15):

The

Peter Swain (29:16):

Kind giving heart.

Joe Downs (29:20):

I think we covered most of this because I said I was going to fold these two together because they're all typically difficult conversations, but what's the pattern flow for the prompt for the difficult conversation besides the context?

Peter Swain (29:37):

Yeah, I'd say, well, number one, I'd say, what is the context? Number two, I would ensure that it understands the outcome that you're going for and what you're willing to sacrifice or willing to lose inside getting that outcome. And I would then ask it to game plan Four or five different variations of what happens if, what happens if, what happens if,

(30:04):

So that you're not surprised. And I would then have key milestones, key markers the first 30 seconds, like give me, how am I going to structure this? How am I going to frame this? But I'm going to tell a very quick story, which I think really helps with this. I remember once I was in San Francisco at a conference and I got a call from Liz saying that Sam, my son had just kicked a chair across the room and we just had the floors polished and the chair slid across the room and broke Liz's toe. And she's like, she was upset and in a lot of pain and Sam was upset as well. And I went to ChatGPT, uploaded my context documents of Liz and Sam and said, "We've done this on the board of advisors. I want you to assume the role of this person and this person and help me through this thing.

(30:54):

What should I do? How should I do it? " Et cetera. Because I was like, "I need to talk to Sam." But on one hand, he was distraught. He was really, really upset. He didn't mean it. He got angry and kicked a chair. There was no malice in his action. But on the other hand, his action just caused somebody physical harm. How do I parent in this moment? I don't want to get this wrong. So we went through all this, which is kind of what we're talking here in this segment. But then the final thing I said was, "Based on everything we've just done, before I go ahead and action the plan we've just agreed, is there anything you think I'm missing that is worthy of conversation?" Because most of the time we are guiding the conversation, which is great, but every so often you want to allow it to come back with creativity and advise you.

(31:42):

And it said the most telling thing, it said, "Yeah, we've outlined how you're going to talk to Sam and what you're going to say and how you're going to say it. " And we'd role played it. And then it said, "Curiously, does Liz want you to do that? " And I'm like, "What do you mean?" Said, "Well, you told me she's at home with Sam. You're in San Francisco. Isn't the more important conversation, Pete, how you can support Liz, not how you parent Sam." And I was like, "What do you mean?" He said, "I suggest you call Liz and say the following." And it was literally, "I'm really sorry you're going through that. I'm really sorry I'm not there to support you. Is there anything I can do to help? Because I know you've got this, but if you need me, I'm there." So this hour long conversation about how I'm going to parent Sam, because that's what I jumped to.

(32:32):

I'm the hero, I'll fix it, I'll solve it. And actually the right answer was to shut up and trust my wife to handle the situation for me and without me and just make sure she felt supported. And I think that happens quite a bit.

Joe Downs (32:45):

You know what's so amazing about AI is, especially as an entrepreneur, the first inkling or inclination of it, thought of it is, how can I make money? How is this going to save this? How is it going to do this? How's it going to save? But the more intimate you get with it, the more you use it, the more you get comfortable with it, you realize it's a life tool as well.That didn't make you money, that didn't save you time, but it probably improved your relationship with Lizzie, right? Even just a 1% or just a little nudge.

Peter Swain (33:25):

But you'd say that, but as entrepreneurs, the thing is that every part of our life does either help us make or lose money because if I'd gone down the path that I was going to go down, it would have been a problem for six, seven hours. Let me rephrase. No, but I'm agreeing with you. I'm just saying our lives are so intertwined and intermeshed, you can't really take them out.

Joe Downs (33:47):

The context I was missing from ... You're right. The context I was missing from ... Important that I say context. The context I was missing from my statement was it's not as obvious. It is not as direct.

Peter Swain (34:00):

It's a second and third order consequence, not a first

Joe Downs (34:02):

Line. Yes. And it has not a linear effect, but an exponential effect on our lives, which does indirectly help us make better decisions and more money and all that, whatever.

Peter Swain (34:12):

You might like this just for yourself of the first line in my customer instructions, and we should definitely do a second on customer instructions at some point. The first line in my customer instructions is I only accept whole life advice. You are never to give me business advice without looking at my personal goals, my health goals, my financial goals for myself.

Joe Downs (34:33):

Ooh, I love

Peter Swain (34:34):

That. Because I was getting advice like, "Should I do this now?" And it's like, "Yes, stay up till three o'clock in the morning." I'm like, hang on a second, I've got some really serious health goals for myself right now. If I stay up till three o'clock in the morning, that's going to go by the wayside. That would also mean Liz has to take the kids to school in the morning that's going to affect there, but there's going to be eight different knockoffs. So I coined this phrase for AI of whole life advice. Nothing single siloed because my life, and I don't think anyone's life truly can actually be single siloed. You've always got to look at the various different pieces of

Joe Downs (35:06):

Equation. Especially if you're an entrepreneur. I mean, your business is your life, your life is your business. For anyone listening, thinking about that conversation you've been putting off, try the three steps. You might still be nervous, but you'll be prepared. And the difference between a conversation that brings you closer and one that blows everything up, it's almost always preparation. Great show today, Peter. We opened the mailbag, talked the sandwich generation, money conversations, and the conversations we've all been avoiding. So thank you for sharing with us how to actually communicate with AI and use it as a thinking partner to help folks with that. If you found this episode valuable, please leg it for us. Think of it as a tip, except it's free and we can't buy anything with it. Don't forget to subscribe because we both know remembering to check back is a lie you tell yourself.

(36:04):

And if you've been putting off that hard conversation, try the three-step approach Peter was talking about and share it with someone in your world who's doing things the hard way. They're either going to argue with you or thank you. Either way, it'll be entertaining. Keep those emails coming, especially the dear idiots questions. It's idiots@successfulidiots.com. For Peter Swain, I'm Joe Downs. We are your successful idiots. Thanks for listening. See you next week.