Talking (literal) Shit With Friends, Gratitude Walks, and Marching Forth

Friends don't make friends feel bad about tummy trouble. In this episode, we relive some IBS childhood trauma and find a way to make it about friendship!

We also celebrate March 4th, a.k.a. "March Forth!," we're talking gratitude, spiritual practices, and how both of those evolve over time. 

(Shout out to Stinky Jeff, who inspired the masses by doing his thing, and didn't care.)

Shop AG1 drinks for regular poops!  https://shop.drinkag1.com/BRYCETHETHIRD

We love ya!

-Liz & Bryce

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About Liz McKean: Liz is a hypnotherapist, yoga teacher, and creator of spaces where people can unshame their coping tools and finally feel better.

About Bryce The Third: When it comes to the most authentic and impactful voices rising out of Detroit, Michigan, Bryce The Third is a name you can’t afford to leave out. Not just an artist, he’s an emotional engineer with a live show that a mix of performance art, storytelling, high level lyricism and community building. Not only does Bryce have a story to tell, when you witness it, you’ll wanna tell yours 

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More about Liz → lizmckean.com

Follow Liz on Instagram → @starfishhypnosis

More about Bryce → BryceTheThird.com

Follow Bryce on Instagram → @brycethethird

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

When I got sober and with the rehab, when I came home, I was still in, like I was, there was still a lot of stuff that was in motion from my previous life. Like I was still living in the hood. They shooting down the street on a weekly basis. The police didn't put a gun to the back of my head where I was, you know, like I'm still like I come outside every day. I go to the gas station to go get my son some candy. You know, it's a guy. Ah, shoot everybody in this dick. You know what I'm saying? Like, this is like literally the environment that I'm I'm still living in. And, you know, early sobriety. So there was an element of finger in my ear that I had to have where it's like, la la la la la. I can't hear shit about the man there, systemic oppression that you can't because her generational trauma this or can't hear none of that. Hey, I could do anything I fucking want to, and I'm gonna do it. You know, I got sober. I came to this 12-step meeting, they seen me as somebody that I didn't even see myself as being, and I'm continuing to unfold into what that looks like. You know, so la la la la la la la. What up, my friends, and welcome to the friend lab. We're your host and good friends, Bryce the third.

SPEAKER_02 1:00

And Liz McKean. And if you're here, you're here to cook up some friendship.

SPEAKER_04 1:06

We know that it's hard to make friends, and it could be a challenge to keep friends and be a friend. So building connections in your life is something that you're looking to get better at, you're in the right place.

SPEAKER_00 1:13

Friendship and connection and relationships of all kinds are the best kind of challenge. It's the thing that makes being a person worth being a person. We're excited to share our friendship with you.

SPEAKER_04 1:22

So throw your lab coach on and let's get this experiment jump in the friend lab. In the friend lab. What's up, everybody, and welcome to another episode of the Friend Lab Podcast. We are your host, Bryce the Third and Liz McKean. And we're recording a little bit later today, which you wouldn't know that because you don't care about what time we record. You just listen every Tuesday when we drop the episode.

SPEAKER_02 1:45

But Oh, do you think they listen every Tuesday? How nice. Oh, thanks for listening.

SPEAKER_04 1:51

I would think so, except for when the editor, uh this crazy editor, like, you know, he's it's not crazy dependable. We love him though, but except for when the editor doesn't get the show out on time and puts it out on a Friday instead of a Tuesday. But you know, the editor is also Bryce, just to throw that out there. Uh but yeah, so we're recording a little bit later today uh than we usually would on a Wednesday because because I had to take a shit. So good news and uh weird news.

SPEAKER_02 2:21

Um if you're listening.

SPEAKER_04 2:22

The good news is my personal brand has gotten to the point to where I have built social capital. Uh we we I just cracked 38,000 on my Instagram, and now I'm starting to get these emails from these different brands who would like to work with me and are sending me shit. And so stuff is like showing up at my doorstep uh on a weekly basis. That's the good news. The weird news is when you drink like Huel and Athletic Greens uh because you have an unlimited supply, because they want you to be an affiliate, like those things run through your body. Jeez Louise. I've been drinking multivitamins for the past week to try to see, like, okay, how does this work? How does this feel? And it feels good, but also uh I'm shitting my brains out. So this episode is sponsored by confirmed. This episode is sponsored by Hill and Athletic Greens. If you want to shit your brains out, drink that stuff.

SPEAKER_02 3:21

I I I don't think that's a very good sales pitch, to be honest.

SPEAKER_04 3:24

Hey, I mean, you know, people desire to be regular.

SPEAKER_02 3:27

That is true. Uh it doesn't sound like what happened to you is regular.

SPEAKER_04 3:30

I mean, you know, uh I I've been going at the same time on a daily basis for the past uh three or four days.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

So congratulations.

SPEAKER_04 3:37

That sounds regular to me.

SPEAKER_02 3:38

You know what is actually very on brand for this podcast about this disgusting conversation is friends can talk to friends about poop. I had the worst stomach issues throughout, especially childhood and really bad in high school and then bad again in college. And, you know, when you're like a kid, it's so embarrassing. Like, oh my gosh, can I just steal the spotlight of the the the poop stuff?

SPEAKER_04 4:02

Are you talking about shit now? Yeah, go quick.

SPEAKER_02 4:04

I guess so. Well, I remember at one point when I was in like middle school, which like, oh my god, it's like the worst. Um, I had a friend time me, stand outside of the bathroom and time me. I didn't know this. And came when I came out, she was like, she was like, oh, that was you know, seven minutes or there's no way you didn't just poop. And it was which is like the most horrifying thing you can be accused of when you're like, you know, 13 years old or something. So I was just like, oh my god, I'm a pariah. I'm so embarrassed because I'm sure I probably did. My stomach was a mess all the time. And then I remember in high school, there was a time my friend and I used to, on our way to high school, because she would drive us, um, like this is like junior senior year. Um we would stop at the gas station and get one of those, like, you know, the machine that pours like the latte, but it's just like sweet milk with a little bit of caffeine, but it's just I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 4:58

You talk about at the gas station?

SPEAKER_02 4:59

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:00

Like a high exactly machine.

SPEAKER_02 5:02

Yeah, but it's but it's coffee, yeah. And it was super sweet and super lectose heavy, and we would get like giant ones. Just stupid, you know, like it was so bad for our inside. I was how old was I? It's probably like 17, 16.

SPEAKER_04 5:17

Oh, well, that's not bad. We was drinking 40 ounces before.

SPEAKER_02 5:21

God, yeah. Well, I wasn't. I was not. My little system couldn't handle this, and like I already had a like IBS. So, anyways, after first period, we had read calculus first thing in the morning. And then after calculus, I had to like hightail it to this little bathroom that I found that like nobody really knew about.

SPEAKER_04 5:41

And it was like those bathrooms. I love those brothers.

SPEAKER_02 5:44

Oh my god, it was uh I I I became very dependent on this bathroom. And then this one time I was in there, you know, having my whole, you know, experience with God. Um, and somebody came in and I could tell it was like one of the cool girls by like the jingle jangle of her backpack. And I was like, oh no, this is so embarrassing. So I come out, you know, trying not to make eye contact. And this is a girl who, like, you know, I knew but didn't know we were like very much not in the same circles. That was the day that somebody, I think like a janitor, locked the door. We were locked in there. She and I were locked in there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:19

Yeah. You got locked in the bathroom?

SPEAKER_02 6:22

Got locked in that little bathroom that, you know, my cold coffee experience had placed me in. She had the unfortunate luck of picking that day of going into the bathroom. And we were stuck in there for a while before somebody let us out. Did y'all get to know? Because I don't think you were supposed to use it. What's that?

SPEAKER_04 6:40

Did y'all get to know each other?

SPEAKER_02 6:42

I don't think we did. I think I was so embarrassed and awkward and like it was I I don't actually remember much about the experience except for the horror of that moment when I realized she came in, and then when I realized we couldn't get out.

SPEAKER_04 6:57

So I'm definitely probably so I'm I'm getting into like um character studies and like like building out things for like different things that I'm creating. And I might take that story because that's like the perfect beginning to like two characters meeting each other. Like y'all get locked in a bathroom.

SPEAKER_02 7:17

It's like the spookiest meet cute.

SPEAKER_04 7:20

Yeah, y'all, y'all, y'all become homie G's for life after that.

SPEAKER_02 7:23

I know, homie G's. Well, so the reason that I was said this is on brand for us is that now, you know, I remember in college first testing the waters of being honest about this problem that I had and like suddenly realizing, like, oh, if I'm not embarrassed about it, nobody can hurt my feelings about it. And it's actually incredibly it's like an incredible feeling to have friends who will take your tray up for you in the cafeteria if you have to sprint back to your dorm. You know what I mean? And they understand what's happening and they are there to support you, you know, and then like throughout adulthood, it's a thing, and and luckily I've figured out my insides a lot better, and so it's not as frequent an issue that I have, but like what a gift to have friends. And this had to come from me, you know, it was my horror and humiliation, and also kids being kids, but like that that really allowed it to be a thing that made me a target instead of something I could like ask for support on. But you know, I'm it's one of the many things right now. And now we're we're talking to each other about it here on this podcast. We got people who might be still listening, and that's I mean, that's that's connection, man.

SPEAKER_04 8:34

So basically so basically you ate mild your irritable bile syndrome.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:40

Nice, not mild, I was so but also I gotta get some, I gotta have jingle jangles on my backpack because I need to figure out how to be a cool girl because I'm trying to learn.

SPEAKER_02 8:50

Wow, that's a good one.

SPEAKER_04 8:53

I need jingle jangles.

SPEAKER_02 8:54

I mean, it's back, all the 90s stuff is back. You see, like everybody I see who's that age now has like actually even adults, there's like things hanging off of people's bags, like ugly stuffed animals and stuff, and then also like the the uh the laboobos and these god dang uh what is these called?

SPEAKER_04 9:11

I forget what these is called, but he's oh my god, that is called a nightmare.

SPEAKER_01 9:16

That is called that is a poop demon, is what that is.

SPEAKER_04 9:18

What is it called? It's called I forget, but she loves these things. What are they called? Fugglies. They're Fuglies. Uh yeah, I got a one for Valentine's Day. She loves these things.

SPEAKER_01 9:28

Oh my god, why is this?

SPEAKER_04 9:29

This episode not sponsored by Fugglies.

SPEAKER_01 9:31

Oh my gosh, heck no.

SPEAKER_04 9:32

Not even Yeah, uh, I think I think having spaces that we could be vulnerable allows for us to build a better relationship with ourselves. If I can share with you the things that sometimes I feel embarrassed about, it kind of cuts that embarrassment in half. And now I have a community where I can be supported in like my unique expressions. You know? Uh irritable bile syndrome. I don't know why I can't say irritable. Irritable bile syndrome or ADHD or Perimentable.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

We could talk about that now? Holy crap.

SPEAKER_04 10:19

Or perimenopause, which I still don't like understand, but I'm learning more about the every time me and Liz have a conversation about it. Um it's just really dope to like have those people in our lives where we could talk about these things and and learn more about these things because we have a safe space to talk about them. And then we get to know ourselves more, and then it's just like a really nice thing to have people who are like our people in that way. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 10:49

Yeah, yeah. And and I think there's like the the child inside all of us deserves that healing opportunity because I don't know anybody who wasn't made fun of for something in childhood that in adulthood, you know, it can be like, actually, I freaking own this, and now I have people in my life who celebrate it with me. I mean, depending on what it is. And you know, it's it's not it's it's not just I can talk about this with you and not be embarrassed. It's also like, you know, childhood me that went home and cried because her friend timed her in the bathroom, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 11:23

Is like can we can we take a second to talk about the trauma that we experienced as kids? Yo, why why did kids so first of all, why did kids not let kids take a shit? Why was it so such a bad thing for you to take it? Ooh, you're pooping.

SPEAKER_03 11:41

Ooh, I know.

SPEAKER_04 11:43

And then also to like reframe the experience that I had as a kid, salute to you, poop Jeff, or whatever you you with your name was, who like didn't care what anybody thought. It's like, bro, I'm taking a shit. I don't care. And when I walk out, like I don't care. I'm gonna wash my hands, I'm looking everybody in the eye, like, yeah, you know what I did and what you you know. I was always like, oh man, I have to I wish I could be. You know, I will hold this till I got home. But like those kids who inherently like you're 12 and you don't give a shit. I mean, you I obviously give a shit, but like you don't care. You don't care what people think. Like, salute to you in hindsight, uh, because you had way more gumption than I did at that point, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 12:26

Or maybe Stinky Jeff was like me, and it was just like I don't have a choice, and like maybe he just didn't have a bathroom he could get locked into in order to go. Because that was my issue. I was like, I would love to be a person who could hold and I couldn't. And that was just like such a the amount of like social things I missed out on because I was like, what if this happens? Was a large, a large list. But I agree, there definitely were those kids that just that didn't care. And yeah, what would that be like?

SPEAKER_04 12:53

So today is the fourth of March. And I know I'm a little disappointed. Apparently that means something. We was talking offline. I was asking Liz, dude, uh, is there anything specifically she wants to talk about? And uh she said that uh it's the fourth of March and she started dancing, and I'm like, Well, what is that? And she's like, I told you before, and now I'm feeling like a bad friend because I don't know what the fuck she's talking about. Oh, make you feel like that's what I think. What does the fourth of March mean, Liz?

SPEAKER_02 13:18

Well, it's so funny that you keep saying it that way because March 4th is a day. Okay, I every time I talk about this, I feel like I need to say this probably came from somewhere that wasn't my brain, but it has been over 20 years of my life. Like literally, yeah, over 20 years. It's so crazy that every single year I've acknowledged March March 4th because it is the one date of the year that is also a command, March 4th. Like March 4th. And therefore, it feels very empowering to me. And New Year's as a day to like, you know, have a fresh start and set intentions or resolutions or whatever the heck. Um felt has always felt very overwhelming. I always felt like I was late to the party. And then back when I was, you know, like 21 or whatever it was that I started doing this, I was like, you know what? I don't do that on New Year's. I do it for March 4th because on March 4th, I make those, you know, intentions, set intentions, resolutions, whatever you're calling them at the time, and I march forth with them. And like I have a friend who um we were still in touch more just like on social media now, but we were really close when I lived in Albany a thousand years ago. She got really into it too. She sent me a bracelet that was engraved with like March 4th on it, and it was a big deal. For I even looked at like trademarking it once because I was like, I should like make this like this is such a big, this is such a cool thing, and like people are haven't when I bring it up, not many people have thought about it. And I don't know why it felt meaningful to me back then, but now it's the history of it and um continues to feel empowering every year. And today is March 4th, and I am excited to be sitting here with you.

SPEAKER_04 14:58

So there's literally the so this is not like a a thing, this is just something that you I it's kind of like the you and Billy on Christmas going to get Chinese food type deal. Where it's like something that became significant to you, and then every year it comes around and it's like yo, this has major significance.

SPEAKER_02 15:17

Yeah. Although the Chinese thing I I do need to point to, like the Jewish side of my family that's probably been doing that since far before I was born, but we started doing it um as our thing in addition to all the people that have been doing it for generations. But yeah, the March 4th, it's it's been like I said, I f I'm nervous to claim it as like it's a me thing, but I can't it it seems to just be a me thing, and I feel very excited about it.

SPEAKER_04 15:41

Don't be nervous.

SPEAKER_02 15:42

I don't ever want to claim anybody's like intellectual property. There is actually a March 4th, I think they spell it O-U-R-T-H um organization online. Cause at one point I was gonna like see if I could snag the Instagram handle. Um, and it's a uh really cool organization that works to um create like what's the word? They wanna have better gun laws, like like people that have been through school shootings and stuff will go on their account and talk about their experience and um you know the legislation that they're lobbying for and everything that that makes a lot of common sense gun laws. That's what I'm that's what I'm trying to think. And like that, like they're marching forth with that, which I very much approve of that use. Um, but for for me it's just been a acknowledgement of the date and you might not need to go ahead and trademark that.

SPEAKER_04 16:28

Um, what was our friend's name from? She's from here. Oh, yeah, the sober day yeah, National Sober Day. She trademarked National Sober Day.

SPEAKER_02 16:39

I also know somebody who trademarked a National Pickle Day.

SPEAKER_04 16:42

All right.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

I think it might be March 31st, too. I could be wrong, but I think it might be.

SPEAKER_04 16:47

National Pickle Day. So what are you marching forth towards right now, my friend? What is what what are some things that come to mind? What what is on your mind, what is on your spirit on this day that you have described as something of a replacement or your own uh energetic New Year's type deal.

SPEAKER_02 17:12

Wow, those are a lot of good words. So here's the other thing that has become a tradition for me on March 4th. I get excited about it, I talk about it, you know, usually from New Year's on. You know, Bill, there's always my again, my friend from Albany, Billy, and other people who know me sometimes will send me a message, be like, Happy March 4th, like it's March 4th. But without fail, March 4th comes and I'm like, oh shoot, I forgot to do anything about this at all until like the day off. So in uh right on brand. Um, but at the same time, I think it's also such a part of who I am, and you know, fortunately, the relationships that I have, including with you, that I feel like this is a thing we think about all the time. So, so it's pretty easy to just insert the the things that I'm marching forth with in my life in general. And right now I am, you know, I'm I'm building a business and a life, and there's a lot of kind of new little habits that are coming along with that. But what strengthens all of them is a gratitude practice that I used to be more committed to and let go, and I'm finding now that getting back to it is helpful. So sometimes that looks like it's it's an evening practice too. So sometimes it looks like right before I fall asleep, I remember that I forgot to do my little gratitude practice, and so I just say thank you, and that is enough. Like just to say thank you before I fall asleep. And other times I have my little notes app. Um, I have a list of three things. Um, this came from a coach that I worked with. Um, three things that you know brought me joy that I can feel grateful for that happened in this day. And it doesn't have to be like, you know, monumental. Like sometimes it's like, oh my gosh, the sun came out, or um, my dog is cuddled up next to me, or you know what I mean? Like just things that me that like I can that I feel grateful for, just three. And I just have this like ongoing list.

SPEAKER_04 19:00

And so those things are actually like very monumental. I think right. I think we could tend to I had so when I was first introduced to Gratitude Lish through some of the the 12-step homies, I ended up meeting somebody through because I was going to a universalist unitarian church, because I was just like trying to figure out where I belong in the world. And I we had met one of my 12-step friends introduced me to a woman there, and she had joined the gratitude list gang. And so she was sending these gratitude lists, and that was at a time in my life where like I was, I just had a lot of space and I was putting a lot of energy and effort towards things. So I was sending like these kind of, you know, complicated, not complicated, but just like poetic gratitude list. You know, it's 10 things that you're grateful for today. And each of my things, you know, might be a sentence and a half. Yeah, you know, and that in- I remember that intimidating her to the point of where every time I sent the gratitude list, she'd always would precursor the gratitude list that she sent with, you know, mine's is not as intricate or mine's is not as deep, or mine's is not as da-da-da-da. Then, and it had the adverse effect of like making me feel like my shit too deep. Like it just, you know what I'm saying? I I wouldn't think about it like that. Like, I'm just sending what I'm grateful for. That's the whole problem.

SPEAKER_02 20:19

I'm also just a pretty deep person, you know, just in general.

SPEAKER_04 20:28

And I'm sure it had her feel like hers was inadequate. And it's just like, okay. And then eventually she just stopped sending me gratitude lists, and then, you know, that kind of, you know, uh like fell off. But you know, these days, my gratitude list, one or two words per bullet point. If I send them, what I've been doing recently is, and this is how you know it's a good week when I do this, uh how many times I do this, uh, Mr. Sun, Mrs. Sun, uh plays a role into this too, though. Because if I if I see her, then I'm like, ah, yeah, I need to go. But I put my phone in the other room, I have my alarm wake me up, my alarm clock wake me up, and when I wake up, I get up, put my stuff on, I go outside, I take a walk, and I take a gratitude walk, where it's like, I'm just like, hey, you know, I'm grateful for this, I'm grateful for that. And like the more that I say the things that I'm grateful for, like, the more awake I kind of become. That's kind of like coffee. Also, I'm usually sipping the riot energy. No uh synthetic anything, all natural energy for the people who riot. Uh but as I'm drinking my riot energy and I'm walking around the streets saying, hey, I'm grateful for, you know, the opportunity to see the sun. I'm grateful for my shoes. I'm grateful for my jacket. I'm grateful for friends, I'm grateful for potential impossibility. I'm grateful for waking up this morning. Like I get filled with more life. You know? And what I've learned about gratitude is like, yeah, I was in a season where I was like super like poetic, you know, half paragraph per bullet point, but like all gratitude. Gratitude is substantial. The practice of gratitude, for me, at least, works to bring me into this present moment with what is. And a lot of times what is is like a one-word thing. You know, there's been times where I've sent gratitude lists and the son was on four of the ten bullet points, you know, because I've been without the son for, you know, four days. So for each day I didn't have the son, it takes a spot on a gratitude list. You you you know? So I see all that to say. All gratitude is substantial.

SPEAKER_02 22:31

Yeah, 100% right. Yeah. And I think, you know, noticing it. I'm grateful to notice things that I'm grateful for. Like just to take it and get all kind of meta with it.

SPEAKER_04 22:44

Well, I'm grateful to notice you noticing things that you're grateful for.

SPEAKER_02 22:47

Whoa, this could go on for a while. I'm gonna just stop us right there. I um, you know, the the I remember this started, I think it was during the many years of starts and stops in with drink with my drinking. Um, and over those years, there were many a day a week or several where I was in bed a lot because I was, you know, withdrawing. And um my my one job, I remember Billy was so wonderful, and would say to me, like, he would like put set put friends or sex of the city on a little tablet or whatever. He'd set it up in the bed next to me, and he would say, Your only job is to watch this, like just watch this show. It's your job. Like, and it was so helpful for me because I'd be like, My only job, because my brain wanted to be like, you know, I have to figure all my whole life out and figure out how I'm gonna not drink, you know what I mean? Like that, even that was too much to be like, your job is to not drink, like your job is to stay here and watch this show. And it was like, okay, like this is where my deep love for watching friends over and over again comes from. Um and I remember so much those nights and days that blended just begging. Like I didn't, you know, I have uh uh un not a super tangible like relationship with a divine whatever, but I just was saying please a lot, you know, like please like make make this feeling stop. Please can I, you know, not do the thing that I know that I desperately want to do right now, please, like anything, end this, like all the things I was just begging. And there was a day that I was like, I think if I can say please, I can probably also say thank you. And that was like a little, a little because I was like, I don't even know what I believe in, you know what I mean? But I'm saying please. So I'm gonna start saying thank you. And that that changed that like there was just like a little bit of a switch that flipped, and I I feel like that's something that I continue to feel strongly about, I guess. It's just one of those little realizations that it's like I don't know where that came from. But yeah, but yeah, like I say please, I can do it.

SPEAKER_04 24:49

Sounds like sounds like a a really profound experience. Uh I I would, I would for me, I would call it a spiritual experience. Um but it sounds profound, however however you classify it. And for me, like it reminds me of my spiritual practice of talking to God. I call it God, but I don't I don't really know, but it's not me, I know that for sure.

SPEAKER_03 25:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 25:19

But like talking to it and listening to it, you know, saying the please and and the thank you. It's like that relationship of ebb and flow, of of speaking and then listening, of of asking and then noticing the the the relationship the the intentional uh the intentionality behind noticing, you know, what's happening and and participating in it. That's kind of what that story reminded me of.

SPEAKER_02 25:51

Yeah, yeah. No, that feels very much it. Yeah. And that continues to be the case. It continues there's so much we can't know. And you know, I feel like sometimes there's things we just don't know. I mean, even just what you just said about how I call it God, but uh, you know what I mean? It's like we're we stumble over our words, and I feel like that's also because that's such a personal and private experience that you're having within yourself that you don't always need well for me, that I don't always need language for. So when I talk about it, it's like I'm pulling for words, but it's not language when it's happening inside of me, you know?

SPEAKER_04 26:23

But but that's another thing too, though. Like, you're a person that I'm willing to have that conversation with. You're a person that I I feel safe in having that conversation with because when when we navigate those things that we don't necessarily have the language for, and uh the language might not even be the priority, the priority is the experience. When we try to put it into words, there's already the experience of like, ah, this isn't like as substantial as the experience, but I'm trying. Yeah, there's already that. So like I'm already struggling to under, and you know, underneath that, it's like the the divine, beautiful struggle of continually working to understand. But then on top of that, when you bring in people, it's like, oh, your interpretation, and I might say something that, you know, offends you if you ha hold a certain orientation, and like and so that's not something, especially like God. I don't talk about God to everybody. You know, I don't talk, I don't talk about God. There's a there's a couple of few things that I don't talk about to everybody. Probably politics, religion, spirituality, and probably there's probably those two things are the first the two things that come to mind.

SPEAKER_02 27:37

A lot fall under those umbrellas, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:38

You know, uh, and even these days, like I'll watch a movie and then I just won't like like my son will watch a movie and then immediately like go to social media to see like what everybody thought about it. And there's like this proverbial them, they where it's like, oh, they're saying that, you know, it it was this and it was that. It's like, okay, that's cool, but what do you think? You know, it's like a practice to not get tapped into the proverbial they or them.

SPEAKER_03 28:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:04

I want to build a relationship with the media that I'm consuming. I want to build a relationship with the experience that I'm having before I I refer to what everybody else is experiencing because I want to know what I feel. You know, and then I do there's people that I will share that with that like I've identified as like, I don't say like safe spaces, but just like spaces where I could work things out. Like, look, hey, I just watched this movie and you know me. So you know I don't just shit on nothing. You know what I'm saying? But this was a terrible movie, and this is why. And you know, yeah. And like there's only a handful of those people that I know I could go to and talk about those things too. So, like, when it comes to God, you know, I'm not gonna. Cause the thing with that conversation too, I might say something when it comes to offense, it's like there's so many like deeply rooted like experiences people have with religion that like you and I could both know that I'm not trying to offend you, but I could say something that'll trigger a thing in you that you had an experience with that ain't got shit to do with even the context of our conversation and now you're offended, or you feel emotions similar to offended, and just like, ah, I just rather not. But you, Liz, you know, I'll talk to you about that because I feel like uh part of like a big part of our our friendship is rooted in our individual understandings and then like our like our our understandings as friends together and like having the space to work those things out simultaneously.

SPEAKER_03 29:35

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:37

Yeah, and you know, the the the the cool thing about that is that I mean there's it's all cool. All the things about that are cool. But one that comes to mind right now is you know, I think I feel this I feel the same way, and I can say those things to you, and there's definitely even things within the recovery uh conversation you and I have talked about in ways that that I think neither of us speak about like super publicly. And I love that I can do that not only because I, you know, deeply love and trust you and know that you can like hold that space for me, but also because I might say something that gives you that makes you feel a certain way, and I trust you that you will tell me that because you trust me to be able to receive that, you know, and to do both of those things in a way that doesn't take away from either of our individual experience. I mean, we've talked about you know disagreeing before on this podcast, but I mean, you could have an experience that you're feeling away about, and I can hold that space, and sometimes that's all that that's what that moment requires, and my feelings about it are just not, you know, going to add anything to that conversation. But I could definitely be like, yeah, I really don't agree, or you know, vice versa. And gosh, yeah, that that is a safe space. Like I don't have better language for it because there's not a lot of places that that can happen and feel feel good. Not even not bad.

SPEAKER_04 31:01

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think so I'm doing a lot of unpacking right now around a lot of different things, my recovery being one of them because one of the things I uncovered is that when I got sober and with the rehab, when I came home, I was still in, like I was, there was still a lot of stuff that was in motion from my previous life. Like I was still living in the hood, even though I'm I'm at work, I'm getting phone calls, they shooting down the street on a weekly basis. Uh, you know, the the the police didn't put a gun to the back of my head where I was lit, you know, like I'm still like I come outside every day, I go to the gas station to go get my son some candy. And, you know, it's a guy, ah, shoot everybody in this bitch. You know what I'm saying? Like, this is like literally the environment that I'm I'm still living in in, you know, early sobriety. You know, so there was an element of finger in my ear that I had to have where it's like la la la la la. I can't hear shit about oh the man this or like you know, uh systemic oppression that, or you know, you can't because or generational trauma this or you know, I I couldn't hear none of that because like, hey, I could do anything I fucking want to, and I'm gonna do it. And you know, I got sober, I came to this 12-step meeting, they see me as somebody that I didn't even see myself as being, and I'm continuing to unfold into what that looks like. And, you know, I I started using that 13, 12, 13, and and now I'm 24 and I feel like now I'm 14, 15, and emotional the maturity and development, you know. So la la la la la la la, you'll know, people throwing big ass, you know, pizza boxes out the window with a half of pizza still in it, you know, the two houses down from where I'm picking up litter off of my trash or like litter off of my grass because like I I'm treating my life as what I want it to look like. And so now where life looks a certain type of way, like I there's a space that I have now to kind of take my fingers out my ears and, you know, look at some of the stuff that was like just fucked up, you know, look at some of the systemic oppression that like now that I work with kids that are incarcerated, you know, there's a twofold thing there where it's like one, I'm working with kids, you know, and it's like so that's doing a thing to me. Like, damn, nobody ever asked me that I want to play tag at 14, you know? So working within a system where it's like, you know, the the kid gets out and then you come back two weeks later, he back. Uh and it's like, why? You know, well, because when he went home, like his dad is across the street in the big boy prison, and you know, mom is somewhere, you you know, like, so what is really going on here? And why is it only a certain of the population that's impacted? And so like now I can hold space for some of that finger out of my ear conversation. But to wrap it all around, there's still an element of like, I will curate what I share because I I don't even want feedback. I don't, I didn't want specific feedback. There's I'm willing to have a conversation with you for you to say I don't agree with that, because there's a select amount of people that I respect and have built like psychological safety with that allows for me to hear like I don't agree with that and not take not even just offense, but not automatically put my fingers in my fucking ear. Like, I don't care what you like, la da da da da because I have to believe in this because it means my survival. You know? And and I think is it the chicken or the egg, like which came first? Was it the fact that, like, oh, I've gotten to a point where I can heal a bit and I can start taking my fingers out my ears and I could be receptive to like different viewpoints and opinions and know that it's not gonna impact what it is that I'm capable of? Or is it that I over the years have identified what a a safe person to work through those things and be receptive to different views and opinions looks like and have had experiences that allow for me to like know how important that is to healing, even though to hear the different viewpoints and and to be disagreed with, have disagreements that like broaden my understanding and help me cultivate wisdom in a way that that creates that healing, you know, chicken or the egg, I don't know. But I will say that you and I uh have been definitely one of those relationships where it's like, oh yeah, if you uh disagree, okay, that and just as an asterisk, there's still people in the world that like when they disagree, like I don't give a shit, bro. Like, I don't care that you disagree with me. Like, okay, cool, you know. Um but you you you have been an example and a model of like those relationships that I'll stop and that thing that's automatically going that's me, me, me, me, and this is what I believe and this is what I'm on. Like, we'll kind of like you're the skip in my record sometimes. You know, like you'll you'll you'll you'll scratch the CD of my programming in a way that allows for me to be receptive to like a different view and opinion that might allow for me to cultivate new wisdom, you know?

SPEAKER_02 36:06

Yeah, yeah. I think you started it. I think, I mean, I agree. There's like a chicken and uh chicken and I think the chicken and the egg just all just happened at the same time. But I I do think, you know, when I look back on our friendship, I remember you pushing back on things for me that and and being like, what the hell? You know what I mean? Or like me saying, me having an experience or talking about like a um you know, an interaction I had with somebody and feeling a certain way. And like you saying something that was just like, I don't know, have you looked at it from this this this way or like maybe from that person's perspective? You know what I mean? Like you've challenged challenged me in a way that I was just like hadn't allowed that into friendships, I think, in in the past. So I think I don't know, I feel like and I'm not trying I'm not trying to to to say that I'm not trying to like, you know, whatever paint our history in a way that just works, works for my for me, but it was new for it was new for me, I think. Like I think you the way our friendship has evolved has allowed me to be brave in some of my other very close friendships and and like dip my toe in and realize like, oh shit, I have a I have a a few safe spaces here that I don't think I even was brave enough to test. And like you becoming somebody that like rather quickly felt like just very home-like to me, like in a in a way that I, you know, I don't know. I just think there was just some good stuff there from the start. And your pushback like pretty much always led to some kind of growth, even if I didn't agree with it, you know what I mean? And so, and that I think allowed me to be like, can I push back too? Like, can I actually be my real self here and say the thing? And then, you know, we just grew together in that way. So yeah, I think yeah, I don't I I don't have an answer, but I'm just remembering those moments that made me pause and God, I'm so grateful for that. I don't I wouldn't be me if it wasn't for I wouldn't. There's just there's just so many things about myself that would be different if it wasn't for you and my life. Um so whether it was the chicken or the egg or the freaking whatever, you know, farting unicorns that came down and was trying to find something a little fantasy, it didn't really work out. Whatever it was, it's some good fucking stuff. And I'm so grateful to be that person for you, and I'm so grateful you're that person for me. And yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:28

Yeah, man. Uh, I think some episodes we come in strong with like a specific thing. Other times I I think you know, the importance of the show is like friendship on display in a way to where, like, if I heard this, it's like, yo, like this type of connection exists.

SPEAKER_03 38:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:48

And if it exists there, like this is not like a Hollywood production, people. You know what I'm saying? We actually pay to make this shit happen as of at this point. So it's like, you know, we're not too far off from the you. And I I I also know, and I think, you know, Liz would agree that there's a level of intentionality and work that goes into this, you know. And, you know, there's there's times where like Liz might have to put more work in than Bryce, and Bryce might have to put more work in than Liz, and but there's still like uh it's it's it's it's a continuous conversation. You know, uh there's a thing that I've heard it's like uh I I I I forget to say it, it's like some people are there for a season, you know. Uh you think about like the trees and you you got the trunk and you got the leaves, you know. The leaves they grow, they're green, then they wilt, then they fall off. But the trunk is always there. And even that is a weird fucking analogy, because to identify somebody as your trunk is just just about as weird. If y'all heard the episode about best friends, it's like, oh now you're the trunk, so you better always fucking be there because leaves leave, but not you, because you're the trunk, you know. But at the end of the day, it just, you know, we pour we pour into our relationships. What comes back comes back. And if it's something that's like in alignment with the season that we in, then cool. Now we're in communion. Now we're like, you know, we're able to like do that. You know, we're able to contribute to something and something that's contributing to us. Let's joy and rejoice in it. Let's put it on our gratitude list, even if it's just one word and not a whole entire paragraph of something that I'm experiencing right now. It might stay, it might go, but you know, just let's, you know, learn to be grateful for what's in front of us. And just know that, like, hey, you haven't met everybody who's gonna love you yet. If you can hear this, the potential is outstanding. Around the corner is somebody new, somebody you've never met, or maybe somebody that you've known for forever, that it's like, oh, there's a conversation that we haven't had yet, and the potential for connection is endless. So we definitely appreciate you all for listening to us wax poetic about, you know, uh the cool things we appreciate about each other's or the relationship that we have with each other. And and I I'm I I want you to know like the relationship that we have with you all, like that's that's invaluable. Um let me say another word because a lot of times I use the word invaluable and people is like, well, it's it doesn't have any value. No, invaluable means like you can't put a value on it because it means so much. You all mean so much to us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:27

You sure do. And you know, I I think our ability, we're so lucky because we get to do this on a microphone, you know, and we get to have these conversations and all like you said, there's some intentionality around like, oh, we're gonna talk about this, we're gonna even when we created this podcast, we're like our our our relationship is gonna be like very front and center here. But to be able to have these conversations that we didn't plan, I mean, this was a friend, this was a real friend gross conversation. And you know, started with poop.

SPEAKER_04 42:01

In the friendland. All right, well, we will catch you all on National Pickle Day where we'll be using pickles instead of microphones. We thank y'all for listening. Um, and like I said, man, like you all are worth more than the highest rare medal uh to us and just in general. And so we love you, and we'll catch you on the next episode of The Friend Lab Eureka.