Friendship On the Move: What Leaving Teaches You About Staying

Liz is moving. Again. 

What does packing up your life and starting over teach you about the relationships that actually last? Bryce and Liz get into identity, geography, and why the real ones stay tapped in no matter the zip code.

Follow The Friend Lab on Instagram

About Liz McKean: Liz is a hypnotherapist, yoga teacher, and creator of spaces where people can unshame their coping tools and finally feel better.

About Bryce The Third: When it comes to the most authentic and impactful voices rising out of Detroit, Michigan, Bryce The Third is a name you can’t afford to leave out. Not just an artist, he’s an emotional engineer with a live show that a mix of performance art, storytelling, high level lyricism and community building. Not only does Bryce have a story to tell, when you witness it, you’ll wanna tell yours 

Join The FriendLab Community! → https://substack.com/@friendlabpodcast

Call into the show to be featured → https://www.speakpipe.com/TheFriendLabPodcast

More about Liz → lizmckean.com

Follow Liz on Instagram → @liz.mckean

More about Bryce → BryceTheThird.com

Follow Bryce on Instagram → @brycethethird

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

I was sober, I think, at the time when I left, technically, but I was still in a bad place in my head. We got to Tampa and it was one of those things where it was just like, oh, new zip code. For sure I can drink now, and just decided to cause all the chaos once again.

SPEAKER_04 0:14

The commonality is me between my social worker friends, my music friends, my marketing agency friends, my recovery friends. Out of all of these spaces, I'm the commonality.

SPEAKER_02 0:23

And I also think it's shown me some lines. They're not always like very defined lines, but between friendship, relationships, and then also community. And I think community often is a little more geographically focused. Like when I leave, I'll be excited to come back to, but I will, I'm giving up a sense of belonging in this space because I will no longer be here every day.

SPEAKER_04 0:42

What up, my friends, and welcome to The Friend Lab. We're your host and good friends, Bryce the Third.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

And Liz McKean. And if you're here, you're here to cook up some friendship.

SPEAKER_04 0:52

We know that it's hard to make friends, and it could be a challenge to keep friends and be a friend. So building connections in your life is something that you're looking to get better at. You're in the right place.

SPEAKER_01 0:59

Friendship and connection and relationships of all kinds are the best kind of challenge. It's the thing that makes being a person worth being a person. We're excited to share our friendship with you.

SPEAKER_04 1:08

Throw your lab codes on and let's get this experiment job in the Friend Lab. In the Friend Lab. What up, everybody, and welcome to uh another episode of the Friend Lab Podcast. We are your hosts, Bryce the Third.

SPEAKER_02 1:19

And Liz McKean.

SPEAKER_04 1:21

I took a pause because I I don't know why I expected like Liz to come in first. Like we are your hosts, Liz McKean and Bryce the third. But then I was like, Don't I usually introduce myself? What is the world? Liz.

SPEAKER_02 1:33

I could tell you were pausing, and I was like, are you expecting me to jump in here? But we did not previously.

SPEAKER_04 1:39

I'm telling you. Like the fact that you thought, like, are you expecting me to jump in here? Just goes to show that we're like twinsies.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

Oh my God, adorable.

SPEAKER_04 1:47

We're twinsies. Um to the buddyhood listening. Very early on in the show, we want to ask that you subscribe to the show so you make sure that you get all of the new episodes to your listening device, whatever that device is, as they come out. Uh, we do drop weekly episodes, and we want to continue to evolve together, and we want to make sure that you're in the loop. So if you could take this opportunity to hit subscribe to the podcast, wherever you listen to your podcast or get your podcast from, we would highly appreciate it. And welcome to the buddyhood.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

Welcome. Buddyhood is better because you're in it.

SPEAKER_04 2:22

The buddyhood is better. Uh well, um, Liz, I know there's quite a bit of stuff going on your way. So how are you keeping a sane mind amidst all of the changes going your way? And matter of fact, I I know we've if people listen to the show in a serialized manner, which we don't require, they may have some insight into the fact that you've made some big changes, but if they haven't, um, what are those big changes?

SPEAKER_02 2:50

Um, I'm moving back to Tampa from Rochester, New York. So I keep talking about it.

SPEAKER_04 2:58

So you're gonna grow, you're gonna grow a mullet.

SPEAKER_02 3:00

I'm not gonna grow a mullet. Nope, that's not the plan. This is gonna happen. It's not gonna happen. I lived there for eight years and I was mullet free.

SPEAKER_04 3:07

So if if I didn't think that I was gonna drain a lake just for my amusement, I would use Chat GPT to like create a picture of uh Leah's with a mullet just so I can have it.

SPEAKER_02 3:19

Multiple reasons I am grateful for your conservation mentality right now, because I do not need to see myself in a mullet. Um anywho, so yeah, moving. Big move. Um we I keep calling it a cross country move because it's like the equivalent, it's like 1400 miles, you know, but it's down country. So it's like can I still call it a cross country move?

SPEAKER_04 3:39

It's still a cross.

SPEAKER_02 3:40

I mean, okay, because there's crossing.

SPEAKER_04 3:42

If you hold the country sideways, it's a cross country.

SPEAKER_02 3:44

Which I think we should, yeah. I mean, it's all we're all on a big ball anyway, so who knows? Who cares? Um Yeah, so that's just like the thing that's the most present for me in my brain, which is what I said right before we hopped on, because we are making this move. But it also we've moved a lot, my husband and I, since we've known each other, and actually even before we knew each other, we've both lived in not even a lot of cities, but just a lot of places within cities. But this is the second time we've moved from Rochester to Tampa, and we moved back two and a half years ago, and now we're going back again. And it's just so interesting what you learn about yourself and about your community and what community means and what friendship means. And I yeah, I've just had so many interesting conversations with people. It's been different this time. This this leaving of Rochester has been different because last time I was still I think I was sober when we like Bryce and I are both in recovery, substance use recovery. If if you're if you're new to the buddyhood, welcome. Um, so I was sober, I think, at the time when I left, technically. I had definitely the last several years had more time not drinking than drinking, but um, I was still in a bad place in my head. We got to Tampa and it was one of those things where it was just like, oh, new zip code. For sure I can drink now and just decided to cause all the chaos once again. So, anyways, I'm in a whole different, I'm a whole different, you know, version of me. And so the connections that I have here are different. It's different kinds of goodbyes. I'm present in a different way, I'm aware in a different way. And I, over the past however many years, many years, have created such strong relationships, both in Tampa that continue to be strong and here. And then also, you know, like you are one of my best friends in the whole wide world and you're in Detroit, you know, like we've never lived in the same city. I have other friends that are elsewhere, my family lives in different states. So it's just so interesting because I feel this sense of sadness that is really natural when you're leaving a place and a you know people that you see every single day. And also like the sense of being very solid in my my relationships, like like that I know how to keep these relationships alive and healthy and have done it before when it comes to like distance doesn't isn't the same thing as community, like the geographical situation is not the same as the community and friendship situation, and I feel grateful for that. And also it's just been so interesting. It's like a little case study of myself on myself, if if that makes sense, which I don't think I would have been able to do without having had this experience multiple times at the end.

SPEAKER_04 6:17

I mean, I think I think geography probably plays a role in the communities that we build. And it's a lot of people that I know that I'm sure a big reason why their life has kind of looked the same way their entire lives is because of the dependability of the people in their lives. I got I live here because it's where my mom is, my my my cousins are, my da-da-da-da-da-da. You you know, like that that is a huge motivation when it comes to where I stay and where I go and where life takes me. And it could be scary to move throughout the world in a way that the possibility of not having that same support exists in the next steps. And I think that's a big reason why I've adopted, you know, the saying that I haven't met everybody who's gonna love me yet. And I continue last night I'm in a room surrounded by strangers, but it was so interesting how those there were so many connections within that room of strangers. Like, oh, you know such and such, oh, you know such and such. And and these people are from Portland. I've never been to Portland, but they know some of my guys in Portland, and they're actually with a company that I work with in Portland, and they're in Detroit, and I just found out today, and you but you putting myself in that room also continue to make those connections, and it's like, um, here I go. But it's like the if you watch Planet of the Apes, the the the remake with James Franco, the first one, and at the end where it talks about like when the credits roll and it's talking about like how the the monkey flu like spread throughout the country, and you see like the little lines just spreading out. It's a terrible analogy. But that's like how my with you though, it's working. My community and connectivity continue to just spread out in that way where it's like I don't know why that was the example that can't about, but uh to give to paint the visual picture, that's what what I thought.

SPEAKER_03 8:14

So it's so funny. I didn't even see that movie, but you did paint quite a visual picture. I can absolutely visualize what you're talking about. That's so funny. Yeah, I feel that way too.

SPEAKER_02 8:22

And I feel um one of the reasons I thought this would be a this is something I want to talk about, and again, this podcast is very much unfiltered us, so this move is gonna be going on for next several weeks. I'm sure we'll have other conversations where I'll bring it up. But um I when I've talked to people here, Rochester is a very settled place. Like, I mean, you know, obviously people are coming and going everywhere in the entire world, but like Rochester is like a really it's a cool community, and there's like it's a community of communities, of course. But one of the reasons people tend to stay here or leave and then come back here is because it's like for a lot of reasons, a great place to buy a house, settle down, have a family, you know, have two and a half kids and a golden retriever and go go to soccer games every weekend and all that stuff. And you know, that's not the kind of life that my husband and I live. We don't have kids and um nor a golden retriever, not that I'm opposed. I love golden retrievers, but we are just more mobile. We rent. One one of the reasons we do that is because we like to be able to be mobile. And when I've talked to people who I have known a long time and love here, or even that I haven't known a long time, that the the the resounding cry is like, oh, that sounds so cool. What a cool thing to be able to get up and go. And also I can't imagine ever doing that. Like, this is home. I've never been I've never lived anywhere but here. And I don't think I ever will. And it's so funny because I understand what you're saying, where it's like, yeah, it's scary to think about starting again in a place where you don't know anybody, but but that actually sounds exciting to me. And and I've also done it a lot of times, but the thought of being like, This is this is where I stay forever and ever, amen. Feels like I can literally physically feel it in my chest, like like, oh, that that that feels scary to me.

SPEAKER_04 10:03

Yeah, I'm kind of the same way where even if I imagine going somewhere else, like I gotta have a crib here, you know, so I can come back anytime I want to, you know? So, but there's still the imagination of going somewhere else. So it's like if I talk about like having a crib, it's like, yeah, I have a crib here, but I also have a crib in Arizona, but I also have a crib, you you know, like there's I I the marriage to one place is is kind of, yeah, like you said, it it kind of grips my my chest in a way to where it's like, ah, but I'm more expansive than that. But I think that comes from what it is that you're talking about, which is that practice, because when you're practiced in that, then I wouldn't say it becomes easier, it but there is like a rhyme to it where it's like, okay, when I move, like there's this level of understanding that I know that comes with that. But because I'm a different person, every time there is the the novel aspect of whatever it is that I'm experiencing right now. But like the first like I I used to work at a plant uh on the line, and this is a job, automotive factories in Detroit, like this is a job where people do that for 30 years, and that's that. And in that 30 years, they take the same thing for lunch, you know, they use the same bathroom. And I remember uh I got sober at that plant using the employee assistance program and came back, and you know, I started thinking different. You know, the neural pathways is connecting in all different types of ways. And I'm I'm looking for stimulation in ways to I can't immediately quit this job I've identified I don't want to be here, but I can't immediately quit. So what is it that I could do to make things different? And I just started going to new bathrooms. Like I went to the bathroom, I was on trim line three. I went to the bathroom in chassis, and I'm like, I come back like, hey, they got this sink over there. It's like it's circle, and you could press the pedal and the water come out. And then and then I'll start going there and I and then, and I there were the regulars over there, so I would meet people over there.

SPEAKER_05 12:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:04

And those people would know nothing about the people on trim line three, but I would meet all of these different people in their zones of like, hey, I could never imagine going to that bathroom, you know, but I was having the experience of mirroring all of these people into like my experience. Yeah, and that's kind of been the trend where I live a life in which not everybody in each individual world that I traverse to can live. You know, like the commonality is me, you know, between my social worker friends, my music friends, my uh marketing agency friends, my recovery friends, my my active physical activity friends, my my my men's group friends, my maybe one dance mom friend, uh, like out of all of these spaces, like I'm the commonality because I can move and I'm not I'm not held down by like I don't and I wonder if it's I and I'm I'm curious for you too, like how much a role identity plays into like this process for you because to be from like Florida, you know, and to be from Rochester, those two things mean two different things, you know? Like there's an identity too when it comes to like community or places, geography. So how much of a role does identity play into your ability to pick up and go? And because I'm like a super layered person and I like to answer very confusing questions, Billy being somebody who can accompany you in this, but it's still like there's a partnership there where it's like even when I bounce and move, like it's me and him. Like, that's my dog, we're gonna go. And you at the very least, like we got each other, you know? So what if you didn't have that? Do you think that you would still have the ability to move around?

SPEAKER_02 13:57

That one's easier to answer. So I'll answer that first. Yes. And I say that just because I have before. I have not as big of a move. I've done like city to city within Rochester. Um but and I'm usually, I mean, he's very excited about going back to Tampa. If it was up to him, we wouldn't have ever probably left. But um I'm the the driver of like the big changes that we do. I'm the one who like kind of craves that like new thing, like fresh, you know.

SPEAKER_04 14:23

All right, boss. Look at me.

SPEAKER_02 14:25

Well, that also means he's like an anchor, he's like a rock. He's like, he's got a lot like a the stability and solidness that that yes does make that easier for sure. But I also, you know, as far as identity goes, which which I have more to say about identity than this, but I will say this is that like one of the things that I I know about myself and like about myself. No, I used to like make myself wrong about this. I used to decide this was a thing that was bad, is that is the fact that I do get a little antsy and feel like I want a new, I want something, I want my environment to change. Um I used to feel like, and it used to be because I was trying to escape. I wanted to like reinvent myself and escape whatever I was, you know, something felt uncomfortable, so let me like up and run. And it took a while, I think, you know, certainly in just recovery, but like also growing as a person to understand that like, oh, I don't have to give that up. Like I'm not running anymore, but I still am a person who likes that novelty. Like, how cool to like to like still have this part of myself that can be like this is this is exciting, and you know, like the reinvention part feels cool and the meeting new people and like using the new bathrooms, but it's not an escape. I still get to keep I don't have to give up the old stuff. I get to, it's just it's just adding.

SPEAKER_04 15:38

Like I there's no limit to like you can keep the old stuff and still grow the mullet.

SPEAKER_02 15:43

Right. And I will not grow the mullet, but like my little heart expands with every new part of me, every new person I meet, every new bathroom I use. And it's and it's so cool. And yeah, and I love that I can do that with Billy. And I'm so I I I know you don't like this word. I'm gonna use it anyways, because it's just how I feel. I'm so lucky to have a partner who is down to like make these changes because that's not even what the deal was. Like we didn't, this isn't who we were when we got married, you know. Like when we got married, we still thought we were gonna do everything very traditionally, like have kids, buy a house. He was gonna coach the football team, like all these things. And then we just grew together. And I've seen other couples grow in opposite directions, or one person, you know, grow into something different, and the other be like, no, this is who I am and who I've always been. And we've really like he just jumped right on the adventure train alongside me, and I'm really I'm I I think I feel very lucky for that. And it does make it more fun and it does make it feel more safe. And I have more to say about the identity, but before we hear nothing but my voice for hours and hours, I'll let you know. That's the whole point.

SPEAKER_04 16:44

It's your podcast. I don't I don't understand what you're doing.

SPEAKER_02 16:47

I am only one of the buddyhood.

SPEAKER_04 16:49

Well first of all, when you said the luck thing, I know you don't like this word. That one, that's interesting that you've known me as long as back when I used to like abore the word luck.

SPEAKER_02 17:02

Anytime I've ever said that, I wouldn't luck.

SPEAKER_04 17:04

I I don't I don't know. I think I think I've changed in uh my orientation when it comes to luck. I actually believe that luck plays a major role in life. Um and that could be that's a whole nother discussion for another day. But in this instance, in this instance, I wouldn't call it luck. I would call it. I would just call it like, hey, you deserve that, you know, and y'all deserve each other. And there's things that you both have that are compatible with each other that allow for each other to hold each other in a way that like allows for this adventure. And y'all both are like worth that, you know. Y'all both deserve that. And I don't think it's luck, I think it's like compatibility, you know? Because like you said, there's instances where it's like, hey, you're doing too much, I can't do this. I need like a I need stability, I need to be able to plant my roots, uh, or like, you know, you you're doing way too much. Like trying to hold me down, I need to be free, you know, and then it's like whatever on the spectrum somebody lands, and trying to put that together is just like two South magnets trying to like force them together.

SPEAKER_02 18:10

I still think it's luck though. I'm gonna I'm I'm gonna hold on to this. I I st I I agree with you, it is compatibility. And I also will say that we work really hard at it. And I think what like I just agree with what you said, your newfound like definition of luck, that like it always plays into it. Cause you know, I I think about who we were when we met, who I was when we met, like and how much we've both changed and grown. And yeah, I I couldn't have guessed that. I couldn't I didn't choose him in this moment of clarity of like we are compatible and our growth trajectories are going to be aligned and I'm willing to put the work in. I was I was just like, this is cool. This boy likes me enough to ask me to marry him. Okay, you know, it sounds like a fun party. And now here we are all these years later. And yeah, I I think I think both those things can be true at the same time.

SPEAKER_04 18:58

Yeah, yeah. Agree. Agreed. One of the racistists.

SPEAKER_03 19:02

Oh my God, mark the moment.

SPEAKER_04 19:04

We gotta record it, so we do. Uh yeah, I think like when it comes to identity too, like, you know, just a riff, and don't forget where you were at, because if you have more to say about identity, I want to, you know, this like this is your our podcast. But but when it comes to identity, like I've always had that issue too. Like here in Detroit, like you got you got East or West. You know, you from the East Side, you from the West Side. Uh I know people on the East Side that's like, hey, I don't go downtown because it's too far to go. You know, I got people from the west side that don't go to the east side, you know, vice versa. East side don't go to the west side. Then I'm from Inkster, which is like outside of the city, and it's like a little hood in its own, and then Inkster like has its own rep. And but like when I was coming up, like Inkster was known as like the hick country town. You you know, like uh like Did you have a mullet? I did not have a mullet. I did not have a mullet. And I don't even know why, but they always used to call us country. But then you got like Ipsy and Ramless, and it's like a whole bunch of other, you know, little cities or whatever. But even in Inkster, like Inkster got hood. And so like it's like, well, you are you technically I'm ATA, which is don't even ask me what that is. That's just like where I came up across the Ave. And but like, what is that what does that mean? If anybody finds out I'm from Inkster, it's like, oh, do you know such and such? Like, I don't I don't know. No, I don't know. Do you know the what's the name family? Like, no, I don't, I don't know them. Like, I played on the block with with my friends, you know, like with those immediate people. Nobody knows them. You know? Uh, but then even in Inkster, it's like, if I'm gonna say Inktown or I'm gonna say I'm from Inster, it's like, well, you know, who who you who you used to hang with? Like where you was, uh, so I was like, well, I don't, you know, I don't know. You you know? Um, and then if I leave the city, I'm, you know, meet somebody in Rochester, where you from? I'm from Detroit. You know, if they're not from Detroit, they'll just take that and just be like, okay, cool. You know, if they is from Detroit, but I'm from Inkster, they'll probably respect it and be like, oh, okay, yeah. And you I understand why you say Detroit. But you know the the rare instance, it'll be like, well, that's not Detroit. And it's like, so and for like urban youth, should I say urban youth? No, for black, for black folk, like it's it's so weird. Like, I identity is such a weird situation. And where you're from plays a huge role into like how it is that I mean, even now to this day, when I listen to new rappers, like the first thing I want to know is like, damn, where you from? You know, because like that's how I knew about where the I that's how I knew about the world. You know, if I'm listening to Ludacris, he's from Atlanta, so I like learned from about Atlanta from Ludacris and Jermaine Dupree, you know, uh is Pastor Troy from Atlanta? I don't know, but like Killer Mike, and then you know, I would just learn about the world from the the music I was listening to.

SPEAKER_05 21:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:52

And like where you're from says a lot about who you are to people who from that, you know. Let's not even talk about like LA. Like that's uh where you from that I don't even really understand. I'm glad that I wasn't born into that because that's like, you know, you know, bludgeon Chris, where you from, what street you, you know, in the same same in Chicago. Chicago is like a big like where you from, they do blocks, they do streets. Um, and so f uh I did my identity, the identity, it makes sense. It tracks that I never identified with a place anyway. You know, and even when I was a kid, like I used to be told that you talk white. You know? Like, how you how you could talk a color first and foremost, but I did like instead of cussing, I was just a long time before I was like cussing. Like I would say schwizzle sticks, I swear to God. Like I was like 12, like, oh schwizzle sticks. And they're like, you talk white. I'm like, I don't care. You know, uh, but but you know, even when it comes to like cultures, like it I didn't have like the linear, I'm accepted into this or I'm from here. So even when I was where I was at, I always felt like there's a piece of me that's not from this. And so maybe like getting sober and like removing all of like the costumes I put on over the years, like led me to the foundation of like, oh, you don't really identify with anything, and that's like your identity. And so you can when you make music, you make all type of genres. You know, when when you when you go to places and talk to people, you could talk to all types of people. You know, when you read books, you read books from all the the entire the entire spectrum, except for fictions. The fiction is type of sometimes like fiction is hard for me to get into, but I'm I'm trying. Um like there's just a lot about me. Like I eat food and I take people whenever like, ugh, I'm not eating that. Like it just blows me because it's like you wouldn't try this. Like we we're here, we might as well like try this emu or whatever it is. I don't know, we here, we might as well, you know what I'm saying? Like, like, but so people some people are like, oh no, like I was raised on well done steak. You know, my mama said, well done, and I couldn't get nothing else because that's just like a black people thing. You gotta have your food cooked all the way. And it's like, little did she know she was destroying my culinary appreciation as a kid. And so as soon as I got to a point to where I was like, it was I I promise you, I wish I could go back and look at me at that table the first time I ordered something medium well. I I I I promise you, I probably looked behind me to see that. Like you're gonna get in trouble. I can can you do it, can you do it medium well?

SPEAKER_03 24:27

Don't tell my mom.

unknown 24:28

Don't tell her.

SPEAKER_04 24:29

And then I tasted that and I was like, oh, you know, and there's a part of that that like is a part of like me understanding who it is that I am, and in that understanding who it is that I am, which is an ever-changing being, like I can understand and hold space for people other other than me. And so I think that's why I'm able to connect with people is because like it's kind of like my food to to meet new people and find out what like nourishes them and what like motivates them because it makes me feel a little less alone or lost to hear the other stories of people trying to find themselves because that's been a big part of me discovering what my identity is. And so my ability to get up and go when other people will have to like do a little bit more, like, you know, gymnastics, on top of the fact that I'm like you and I practice, and like I'm practiced in getting up and going. I think like I have like a foundational orientation that like leads me to to be okay with like not knowing who I am, what I am today, and you know, that might be here or it might be in Arkansas, you know?

SPEAKER_03 25:35

Arkansas. I wouldn't have thought of that as one of the as the state to call out.

SPEAKER_02 25:39

Um I think it's so interesting because we are so different in the exact same ways that we are alike. I feel like if I'm gonna try to make that make sense.

SPEAKER_03 25:48

Please make it make sense.

SPEAKER_02 25:50

Well, you know, the other day we were talking on the phone and you were talking about how you were like at an arcade and like had done something else that day, and and everything you said, I was like, that sounds terrible. You know, and you're like and you I think you actually said you were like, Do you like anything?

SPEAKER_03 26:07

Like, is there like what is what do you even do that's fun? Like, do you why you don't like to do anything? And it took and it like made me pause for a second because it's so true. I definitely say no more than I say yes to things.

SPEAKER_02 26:20

And um, you know, and we've talked about this on other episodes, but like when we used to travel a lot together for work, um, and I'm sure we will again at some point when we take this podcast on the road, we're speaking it into existence, buddyhood. Um, but like you are much more like, I'm gonna go out and do this thing, and I am much more like, I need some, I need to just be in a silent room for a little while. And and you're like you said, you're like, we're here, let's do the thing. And I'm like, I'm here. Let me take some deep breaths. I'll bob them out. Um, but also like I have again, this this big this move feels like as much as it's like, oh my gosh, everything's in chaos, you know, I'm gonna be a little bit of a, you know, stress monster for a few weeks. It's still just like this is I need this, you know, I need these big changes. I've needed, you know, when I decided to start grad school, when I decided to stop grad school, I've changed careers in a really big way a lot of times. I've I mean, even when I have stayed in the same city for a while, like we've moved. Like we've been like, I don't want to be in this space anymore, I need to be in this different thing. Or, you know, I will there's definitely like through lines, but um things start to feel too constrictive um after a little while, like to find a routine and then I like to completely turn that routine on its head. And and then sometimes I go back to the other routine and I just need the freedom to do that. And I think when I look at like my identity as a person, I really like big changes and I struggle a little more with little ones. I you know, and um, you know, it's one of the reasons I don't really love to travel, but I love to be living in a brand new place because I I have always struggled when I would go somewhere on vacation. That's always been such a challenging concept for me because I was like, I don't want to go somewhere, and especially, you know, I grew up with parents that had traditional, you know, jobs that were incredibly stressful, and so they were just, you know, I and I know a lot of people now, you know, it's like you live for that week where you get to go to this beautiful place and then you go back to the place where you have to do the life. And I'm like, I can't do that. I have to, and I it's not that I, you know, I mean, obviously, Florida is vacation-y, but like it's not that I want to need to be in a place that feels like vacation all the time. But if there's another place I'd rather be, I just need that to be home base. Like, I just need that to be where I is. And and that allows for my life to feel like mine, and like knowing that I'm a person who likes to change that sometimes is something that has been very freeing. Cause again, that used to be something that may I made myself feel like was a bad thing.

SPEAKER_04 28:57

And I kind of I kind of want to give you a hug because uh it's so sad that like tourism got wrapped up in the negative connotation of taking a vacation from corporate.

SPEAKER_00 29:10

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_04 29:11

Shit.

SPEAKER_00 29:12

I feel that way, you know.

SPEAKER_04 29:13

I I get I definitely get where it's like, hey, build a life in which you don't want to take a break from, you know? Uh and I also get like shit. I'm going to Hawaii for a week. I don't gotta move there. As a matter of fact, the locals are telling me not to move there because they don't want me to move there. Appreciate it for a week and then come home. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 29:31

Like Yeah. Yeah. I could see that. I feel like I'm I'm growing in that direction too, where I'm gonna be able to be more exploratory of like outside. I think, you know, having having that home base be something that I'm excited about um is you know, makes it more exciting to do that. And more and more I am making I don't know, more and more I feel like I'm decreasing the number of things I feel like I need to escape from. Because I think that's the danger is whenever there's like something to escape from, I don't I I don't want to escape. I don't want to be a person who's trying to escape. And um I don't know if that makes sense. I think I'm still framing that in my brain.

SPEAKER_04 30:08

Yeah. It sounds like one of those conversations that evolve as you grow and build a relationship with yourself.

SPEAKER_02 30:14

Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, first time to ever say it is probably on a podcast where you're gonna it's just gonna be there for all of eternity even as you've grown into it.

SPEAKER_04 30:21

But if the buddyhood knows, they know that we'll come next time and have the exact polar opposite opinion because we're not married to none of this shit we talk about.

SPEAKER_02 30:30

We're just figuring it out as we go, yeah. And it's it is cool to experience you know, the the way relationships evolve when geography no longer is when it's no longer convenient, you know, like what what what that does to and for, you know, relationships has been um something that I appreciate. And I also think it's it's it's shown me some lines between, they're not always like very defined lines, but between like friendship and relationships and then also community. And I think community often is a little more geographically focused. Like there are communities that I am part of here that I am like when I leave, I'll be excited to come back to, but I will I am giving up a sense of belonging in this space because I will no longer be here every day. And that that feels like a loss. That feels that's a definitely a sacrifice.

SPEAKER_04 31:23

Yeah, and but you know, as you're practiced, uh we we know that that felt the same way when you left Florida, you know? Um so I think being practiced allows for us to predict that these things are gonna come. Uh, but also there's the element too that I just kind of want to cause I there's people who I gotta pass their house every time I go to my mama's house. Like, we ain't talked in years. You know? And so ge geography does play a role, but also like the real, like the real ones or the ones that align the w with where it is that I am today, like they gonna stay tapped in. You know, and and I think like you met me in uh in an intentional time in my life, like an intentional about my relationships time in my life. But you know, there was a time where like if I don't talk to you or I don't call you or out of sight, out of mind, and you know, that's that, you know. But we've we've both, I think is it maybe it's luck that we met each other when we met each other, because you know, when I think to call you, I call you. When you think to call me, you call me. And I prioritize if I see your number come across my phone, and I feel like it's the same for you. And you know, don't not to jump too far in the future, but like it feels like that this is a sustainable relationship that I want to continue to nurture and saying that we're best friends forever. Uh we might have to get matching mullets.

SPEAKER_03 32:44

I'll get one if you get one.

SPEAKER_04 32:45

Hey, that's all I need to hear. Hey, you just seen me with a wig in my latest music video. That's all I need to hear. Okay, Amazon. I can do a mullet wig.

SPEAKER_03 32:52

I'll do a wig wig.

SPEAKER_04 32:53

Because you actually have hair. I can't grow a mullet. So I actually I have a handicap.

SPEAKER_02 32:57

So what about a face mullet?

SPEAKER_04 32:59

What the fuck is that?

SPEAKER_02 33:00

I don't know, but I think you that's where you have hair.

SPEAKER_03 33:02

We gotta work with what we work with.

SPEAKER_02 33:04

Anyway, wait, no, party, business in the front, party in the back.

SPEAKER_04 33:10

That's where the mullet is. Right. So for me, it would be like party in the front, business in the back. Anyways, while you all figure out what a face mullet is, we'll uh enter into our final segment. Buddy questions. I forgot what I called it. Is it called Buddy Questions? I'm gonna have to go listen to a previous episode to figure out what this segment is called. But, anyways, since we're on the topic of changes and all of the things that make us up as who we are, Liz. What is your most regrettable fashion era in every season of Liz? What is your most regrettable fashion era, if any?

SPEAKER_02 33:52

I like that you framed it that way. Because I don't want to I don't if you had said what fashion era do you regret, I would be like, Oh, I don't, I don't really regret, but regrettable is a good word. That's like a that's a little loophole. All right. Um, let's see. So, buddyhood, if you have seen our videos on social media or YouTube, I have very straight hair now. And that is a lie that you've been told through the media. I actually have very curly hair that I have been straightening with a 400-degree iron for the past uh, I don't even know, 15 years of my life. Um, but the first 30 years of my life, I had incredibly like tight curls, curl hair. And I grew up in a family where nobody else had that. So I had a mom who was like, you brush your hair. And if you have had very curly hair and had somebody run a brush through it, and she also was very against kids using any product. So I was a very, very curly-haired child with a mom who was brushing the hell out of my hair and refused to let me use hairspray, gel, mousse, anything.

SPEAKER_04 34:54

This sounds like torture.

SPEAKER_02 34:56

It was. So for a long time I kept it really, really long. And so like the weight of it made it like so that it was just kind of looked like messy, messy, kind of frizzy curls. And then as I got older and I was like, I want to have a cool hairstyle, and I cut my hair, but I had never learned how to do my hair curly. So if you have short hair and it's curly and it's all one length, it is very much like my head was a triangle. Like it was just really just and so there's these little school pictures of me, and like I have a I don't even know what the shirt is, but I think there were frills on it. It is definitely a brown corduroy overall dress. And then my triangle curly hair.

SPEAKER_04 35:35

We're gonna need the evidence. We're gonna need the evidence. We're gonna have to put it up on the screen right now. If it's not on the screen right now, that's because Leah's after the fact decided to not show this picture. But if it is on the screen right now, if it is on the screen right now, just know that you can look at it.

SPEAKER_02 35:52

Yeah, that was. I mean, I was young enough that I can look back now and be like, what a cutie. But like there were the years after when it was like it was still in my recent past, and I was old enough, like, because other kids, it's the kind of thing where like you see this online now where people are like, me, when I was 12 or 13, and it's like kids in their freaking corduroy jumpsuits and their triangle curly brushed hair, you know, jumping up and down with a maybe a camcorder being ridiculous, and then now 12 and 13-year-olds like on the freaking TikTok and looking like they're 30, and it's like, how did this happen? And I'm honestly I'm so glad to be in the the former, you know.

SPEAKER_04 36:30

I'm glad yeah, I'm glad, I'm glad that I'm from that. Even though we're there's multiple pictures you can find with me and my little jean shorts and my little button up with my my my hat to the front and my little fanny pack with the long socks. I had a fanny pack too. Who dressed me? Who?

SPEAKER_03 36:47

Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, I was the nerdiest of nerds for sure.

SPEAKER_04 36:52

I'll answer the question as well. And I will say that it was probably early 2000s, man. We had these things called tall tees. Uh, this is his rapper with a camera on, and he, you know, he changed the game because he started wearing pink and he started wearing like the purple. He was wearing the fitted caps, so the caps was like 20 size times your head, and it was fitted caps, and then you had the long tees, the long tees down to your ankles. You also got the jeans, big jeans, sagging them with the with the basketball shorts underneath them, with the Air Force Ones. Oh, I remember that look. It was just, it was a time. It was a time.

SPEAKER_02 37:29

I mean, you were very in style, that was very fashionable.

SPEAKER_04 37:32

It was very fashionable, but what the hell was we on? This is crazy. Like the tall tees was a crazy trend. Like, if you go back and look, it's like, geez, Louise. We were wearing, we were wearing, uh, like if you go to like a thrift store and you go over into the women's section and you find like one of those nightgowns, it's a tall T. It's a tall T.

SPEAKER_02 37:53

It's hilarious.

SPEAKER_04 37:54

I remember that's probably why I wear nightgowns now.

SPEAKER_02 37:57

So you're like um Ebenezer Scrooge in your cap. Oh my god. You know what's so funny? It's like, you know, at this point, so our I'm I'm a little older than Bryce children. Um so if I think, and you know, at this point in our lives, it's like we can still we're from generally the same era. We have a lot of similar like 90s, you know, whatever memories, but I, you know, I was born in 1980. And so when you were born in 1980? Yes. Yes, I wasn't proud of it. I remember I used to think like, how do kids know their age if they weren't born in a even decade? Like I was I always felt so bad for people that were born, not in like 80 or 70 or 90. Anyways, I just think that like when like now that like there's like a way we can look back, like, oh, remember back when we were kids. But when you talk about like early 2000s, I was in my 20s. And so my like view of the world and fashion and stuff was very different than you who was like what 12?

SPEAKER_04 38:52

Like Yeah, I was born in 89. Let's see, uh Yeah. Uh it's only significant then, you know?

SPEAKER_02 38:59

Like that's like a little pocket of time that like that was.

SPEAKER_04 39:02

But even then though, like well I remember when I first got sober, and then we're spending a lot of time on this topic. We're gonna let you guys go. But I remember when I got sober, like I didn't have like style. So like I look back at some of those first pictures, like a year sober, and I like got a Levi's uh leather jacket with like a button up with like a khaki hat and like like bro, like you don't know with skater shoes, but the pants is tight. Like, I don't like it. It's all your identities. Hey man, a shout out to my kids, mom, because she got me together, she put me together, and shout out to all of the women in my life that gave me some insight and my brothers too. My brother Donovan, he's like um he's a big inspirational on how I dress. Um, and then you know, and then I throw my own little stuff in there, but I don't think I was ever, I don't think I was I I don't think I ever cared. I don't think I ever cared to become one of those things where it's like I I care about people, I care about my presentation, and then also like people influence me in a way to where it's like, I'm gonna take that. You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna take that, I'm gonna take that, and then put it all together.

SPEAKER_02 40:08

We gotta put a pin in this because I think we could do a whole episode about like the way you dress and how that like has to do with like relationships and community, like everything.

SPEAKER_04 40:17

The way you dress, and I'm thinking about the title now. How you dress and what that says about your friends.

SPEAKER_02 40:21

What it says about you and your friends. No, I just do like so many things that you say I want to like pull apart and think about how I because now I really want to go back through my whole history of like, man, I was so I was just always trying to be what I was supposed to be, and it's like never got to anyway. So, anyways, that's a whole conversation that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_04 40:37

Well, you know what that means, buddyhood. That means that you must tune in into a future episode. Make sure you subscribe to this episode or to this podcast, wherever you listen to podcasts at, and then maybe we'll tell you about some more fashion foe paws and what our friendship group meant uh to or uh how they motivated the things that we were and what we did. And five things you can do to improve. Nah. Hey, we love y'all. Thank y'all for listening. If you listen this far, you really the people. Um, take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and we will catch you on the next episode of The Friend Lab. The Friend Lab.