Who Told You Birthdays Were Supposed to Feel Like That?

Birthdays are supposed to be exciting. So why do they feel so complicated? Bryce and Liz get into time, identity, expectations, and why the best birthday Bryce ever had may have been the one where nobody even knew it was happening.

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About Liz McKean: Liz is a hypnotherapist, yoga teacher, and creator of spaces where people can unshame their coping tools and finally feel better.

About Bryce The Third: When it comes to the most authentic and impactful voices rising out of Detroit, Michigan, Bryce The Third is a name you can’t afford to leave out. Not just an artist, he’s an emotional engineer with a live show that a mix of performance art, storytelling, high level lyricism and community building. Not only does Bryce have a story to tell, when you witness it, you’ll wanna tell yours 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_07 0:00

I get flicked by the state boys. Officer comes up to the cur, license or registration, please. I'm like, hey man, it's my birthday, bro. Like, he's like license and registration, please. Like, I don't give a fuck about that shit.

SPEAKER_03 0:11

There was a year when I was in that precious little middle school time, thought I was gonna be just like so cool and mysterious and not remind people or tell people that it was my birthday. And that was back in the days when people would like decorate somebody's locker, or like maybe people would get balloons delivered to the office or something. And I was like, I'm just I'm just not gonna make a big deal. And it was like the saddest day ever because nobody knew it was my birthday, you know? And I was like, Oh, I can't tell them now.

SPEAKER_07 0:35

Faith and fear can't exist simultaneously. Yes, the fuck they can. I live in a world where I'm scared of shit and I'm moving in faith. I'm moving like things are going to work out, but I'm scared as fuck. Don't tell me that faith and fear can't exist at the same time. What up, my friends, and welcome to the Friend Lab. We're your host and good friends, Bryce the Third.

SPEAKER_03 0:55

And Liz McKean. And if you're here, you're here to cook up some friendship.

SPEAKER_07 1:00

We know that it's hard to make friends, and it could be a challenge to keep friends and be a friend. So building connections in your life is something that you're looking to get better at. You're in the right place.

SPEAKER_02 1:08

Friendship and connection and relationships of all kinds are the best kind of challenge. It's the thing that makes being a person worth being a person. We're excited to share our friendship with you.

SPEAKER_07 1:17

So throw your lab coach on and let's get this experiment jump in the friend lab. In the friend lab. What up, everybody, and welcome to uh yet another episode of the Friend Lab Podcast. We are your host, Bryce the Third.

SPEAKER_04 1:28

And Liz McKean.

SPEAKER_07 1:29

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So um before what are you laughing at?

SPEAKER_00 1:34

There's nothing, there's nothing more charming than saying your name and somebody saying, yeah, yeah, yeah, afterwards.

SPEAKER_07 1:39

Sometimes I do things and I don't even know that I do them. They just are things that I did. And it takes for people who love me to allow for me to just be who it is that I am. So I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_04 1:58

Continue on.

SPEAKER_07 1:59

So before you press record, you had some things you want to talk about. And so I'm gonna let Liz lead the conversation today because Liz had something on her mind.

SPEAKER_03 2:14

I mean, Liz was just kind of identifying something she thought that you might that Bryce might have on his mind. So uh yeah, we'll see how uh how that goes. So right before we recorded today, and as Bryce was getting set up, um, or as you were getting set up, I don't know, I'm talking both of us in the third person. Um, you uh sent me a cool song. Now I don't know if I'm giving something away that you don't want out in the world yet.

SPEAKER_07 2:40

I don't give a shit. It released this year right now.

SPEAKER_03 2:42

Okay, well, it's awesome. I loved it. Um it's a song about time. And also you have a birthday coming up um on Monday, which is well, I think birthday I love birthdays, I think they're exciting. Um, but I'm just wondering what your relationship is with time, how you're feeling. Like we talked a little bit last week about or last time we recorded about, you know, identity. And I feel like I don't know, time passing, age, like that's all just very tied in with identity for me. So I'm wondering how you're feeling about your birthday, if this song that you recently wrote has anything to do with the fact that it is the time of year that you celebrate a birthday, and if any of it ties in with identity. Do you see what I did there? I just did the thing you do, which is like here's 18 questions, find one and go with it.

SPEAKER_07 3:30

Pick one that you like and just go. I think that's a more interesting way to interview people because you give people the the luxury of choice.

SPEAKER_05 3:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 3:39

Because a smortgage board of questions that you can just choose which one you like and then just go with it.

SPEAKER_03 3:44

Choose from the buffet.

SPEAKER_07 3:46

Yeah, so the the song is called The Problem with Time, tentative title. Um and and and maybe I'll I'll splice it into the show and you all can hear at least a piece of it at the end of the show. But yeah, I don't know. When I write songs, sometimes I don't know where the energy comes from. Uh I know it's like from in me, but I don't know like what the you know, I I don't I don't think too deep about where it comes from. I just let it come. But yeah, time is a thing. I'll be turning 37 next week. By the time you all hear this episode, I will probably already be 37. And the longer I've been alive, the more seasoned I've become, the more opportunities there have been for me to experience different things, uh, the more opportunities there have been for me to cultivate wisdom due to experiencing those things. And, you know, I used to negate the importance of how long somebody was here because, you know, when I was a kid, everybody was like, I'm older than you, and so I meet I I know more, and it's like, but you are uh in the streets with me. So I don't understand how that math is mathing. And so I would discount the importance of age, especially w in regards to maturity. And now that I've had the opportunity to mature a bit. I understand the importance of the space to have experience and the role that that space and time plays into allowing for different opportunities, varied opportunities to unfold and become. Also, I got ADHD. So I made a a reel not too long ago. Follow me at Bryce the Third if you haven't already. Uh, but about, you know, how the productivity bros be like, we all got the same 24 hours, we all got the same 24 hours. Fuck that way. Like, I I hear you, and I used to take that and run with it, and then also feel like, why am I not as fry as somebody else is if we all got the same 24 hours and they're doing this, they're they're 17 with the Bugatti, so like I'm just failing in life, you know? But time perception is different, and time is just a measurement of the experience that we're having. And anybody knows the experience if you've if you've had experience, you all are probably familiar with doing something that you really didn't want to do, and then doing something that you didn't really want to do, time dragging ass. Right? Also, I'm sure you all have experienced going somewhere doing something that you had been looking forward to for a long time, and now you're here, and now you're trying to savor every moment, and before you know it, it's it's out of there. You know, like it's like, oh, we've been you saved up for this vacation in Paris and and you know, with the whole family, and and it it's a week. We've been saving up for it and and prepping for it for four years, and now it's finally here, and then before you know it, it's the end of the week. You know, like, damn, where did it go? You know, um, so time is a malleable thing, and the way that we perceive time is different. If you're locked up, if you're uh incarcerated or justice impacted, I'm sure a day for you m might feel a little longer than a day for me, especially if this is your first day there. So time is interesting. Time is interesting in the way that we're like God and love are interesting because I think depending on who you talk to depends on uh what what it means to us. And so I think there's a meditation going on in like spiritually for me, where it's like, you know, I've had some reference points. Uh I I have contrasts where it's like I see somebody who hasn't been here as long and just, you know, or like I, you know, the the the age gap between me and my daughter versus me and my son when I was raising him, I felt like we were kind of not peers, but we came up together in a way to where it's like with me and my daughter, there's like things, it's like it's enough distance between us for me to like look at what you are experiencing and be like, girl, you will find out one day.

SPEAKER_00 7:54

No.

SPEAKER_07 7:55

All right. So I don't know. Yeah, I I'll play a snippet of the song at the end of the the show, but I think time will forever be a meditation of mine because it's a measurement of experience, and experience plays a big role into what I perceive myself to be. And that's kind of just like a a story that's always being written in the background as I live.

SPEAKER_03 8:23

So Natasha Bettingfield just started playing in my head. The rest is still unwritten.

SPEAKER_07 8:29

There's never an episode if Liz doesn't sing.

SPEAKER_03 8:32

And this one we get you to sing too. Um, so how do you feel about birthdays? How do you feel about these like milestones of time? How do you feel like your birthday?

SPEAKER_07 8:41

Each one is different. This one is interesting. I usually, especially in recovery, like I try to not hold on to like the energy of a birthday too much. I kind of just let it be what it is because you know, before I was super intentional, birthdays were sticky. You know, I used to like because it it's it's my day. And you know, there was I was already uh living a life in which I wanted something from life, but I didn't know what it was. And so I would need you to show up and give it to me, but because I don't know what it is, you could never give it to me. And then now I'm disappointed and you're sad and we're sad, and it's just like it just was it was this dance that I was trying to fill a cup with no old bottom to it. Yeah. And so, you know, I've had plenty of birthdays where people tried to show up for me and I just soaked, or it just wasn't enough, or you know, like so these days I try to not put a lot of crazy energy on top of a birthday because I don't want to be weird. And I know birthdays can send me in a really weird space. And just in life right now, I'm in a really weird space where I'm not necessarily grounded in any specific identity. And so And you know, just like I'm, you know, uh I read some articles. So before let me preface this that uh, you know, I read some articles and people oftentimes will equate the degradation of the body to time or just, you know, age. But that's you know, that's not like a one-on-one correlation. Like there's certain things like but living a sedentary lifestyle and the things we eat and how much water we drink that plays a role into that too. With all that being said, you know, my knee is spicy, it's spicier than it used to be. You know, like I'm I'm sleeping and I wake up, it's like, whoa, I gotta like lubricate the joints to get going. You know? And so there's like things like that where it's like, oh wow, this is um, this is a new experience and it plays a role into like I got a youthful spirit. And so the the reconciliation between the youthfulness of my spirit and like some of the new things that my body is doing, that's that's a journey as well. So it's like I think it's all wrapped up into like, you know, nigga, the foundation, the foundational thing is I'm having experience and I'm trying to not too quickly jump into what that experience means and just do my best to have it. And so um, especially when it comes to birthdays, I just I think I'm just like, hey man, let me let it be what it is, you know?

SPEAKER_03 11:25

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. It's so interesting because I I feel similarly about birthdays that I do as I do about really any milestone. I I definitely yeah, I I I hear you, because I it can it can feel like there's a lot of expectation. And actually, no, let me rephrase it. I I used to feel similarly about birthdays as I did about any day that was supposed to be significant, like New Year's Day and um, you know, like yeah, like all the days, I mean, and you know, I we whether we've talked about on this podcast or others, I don't remember, like for a while I was like, I'm opting out of New Year's Day because that feels like a lot of pressure, but I also love a fresh start, so like March 4th is the day that I'm gonna have as my day. And like, and I would just like never really do much with that either, except for just be excited about it, and it was a cool thing to talk about, and it still is, and I like it. But the whole like that, that like expectation, and back, you know, in my in my more party girl days, like there were always those days that like it's the novice night, you know, people that didn't usually go out or going out on those nights, and it was just filled with expectation and ended with vomiting. And it's you know, it it can be fun to have like a day that is exciting. I think it's also interesting too to look at it through your eyes, you know, as somebody who has kids, and even more interestingly, like you talked about like when you had your son, you were so young and your daughter, you were just like a little more fully cooked. And you know, that that changes the expectations around big days, whether it's holidays or birthdays or whatever. And for me, you know, as a person who doesn't have any kids, sometimes I feel like I still can get in my kid mindset, you know, it at my, you know, age, it's wild that I can still be like, oh, Christmas is supposed to be like Christmas, you know. It's like, well, no, the only way it's gonna be special is if I make it special. Um but then birthdays have like this other flavor because, like you said, it is it's you aging. Like it is a it is a thing that is like, hey, this is a new number that is now assigned to you. And also let's pair it with this lovely knee pain and careful when you sneeze, and um, you know, all the things that you that I heard my parents talk about, and I was like, oh, could never be me.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

And then it's like, well shit, here I am. Like, luckily, here I am.

SPEAKER_04 13:56

I I've seen a t-shirt in the store, this cute little gift shop across the street from us that says, like, it's so weird to be the same age as old people.

SPEAKER_01 14:04

I'm like, I really get that, you know?

SPEAKER_03 14:06

And I don't think you know, I feel very youthful too, and inside and hopefully still on the outside in some ways, but like it is, it's like these numbers, they just have such meaning at certain points in our life, and then we get to them and we're like, Oh, look at that. I'm still me. Who knew? And it can make it also feel like time is just just you know, steamrolling over you. But then if you look back, I mean, I sometimes I feel like 20 to 20 when I turn 40. Like, how is that six years ago? That's crazy, like that. It's flown by. But when I go back and look at like the experiences, the pictures, the the people, like the the moves, the all the things that have happened in the last six years, is like, oh, that was an enormous amount of life. So I think it's all this to say, yeah, time is just so it's just subjective. It also doesn't even feel real. And and the fact that we're even counting it is such a human thing. I mean, you mentioned people that are like locked up and like a lot of times lights are on day and night, so you don't even know how many days have gone by because it's just light, you know, and that's I don't know, it's just an interesting human experience that other creatures, you know, aside from like it's time to eat, it's time to sleep, it's sleep, it's time to, you know, have babies or whatever. I don't think analyze it like we do.

SPEAKER_07 15:28

Like squirrels got their little nut watch and it's like it's time to eat, it's time to sleep, it's time to have babies.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

Yeah. And then around here they're like, it's time to dig a hole and stay there for a while because it's getting fucking cold out here. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:41

Anyways, it's just I think it's interesting. I think it's just and and and the even the feelings around all of it um evolve as time goes on. Your feelings about time evolve as time goes on, and that just made my brain break a little bit.

SPEAKER_07 15:57

And that's the problem with time.

SPEAKER_03 16:00

Oh, look at that. What a day.

SPEAKER_07 16:02

Yeah. And even that song is like, you know, it's not enough. It's too much. I wish that somebody could tell me when it's up, and that's the problem with time. You know, it's like uh among all of the experiences that I'm having, like, what time is it? Like, what day is it? You know, like how do I measure if I'm there yet? Where is there? You know, the linear nature of how we measure things plays a huge role into how I experience things, especially when, you know, um I'm looking at others to have contrast or comparison. And, you know, time can be a really good, a really good companion.

unknown 16:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 16:49

And it could also be like the thing that prevents me from having the experience that's meant for me if I'm too in my head about it. You know? Um, like I'm not there yet, you know, or I'm having a panic attack because I'm about to die, you know, or like, you know, it's not my time yet. You know, um there's a lot that that measurement that really I mean, you know, don't let me get super hippy-dippy. It's not even real, dude. Like time, it's not even a real thing. It's really just something that humans came up with. It's a concept, you know. Time doesn't even exist. Who are we? What is humans? I could get really freaky with him.

SPEAKER_00 17:33

I think we just lost the muddy verse. Like, I just came here to learn how to make friends, bro. Like, come on.

SPEAKER_07 17:38

Uh yeah. Uh in order to learn how to make friends, my friends, you have to learn how to live as a friend and a human.

SPEAKER_03 17:47

I know. Yeah. And time is a big part of it. It is.

SPEAKER_07 17:50

Time is a big part of it. Um what what are what are wind fire for your go-go? Oh, oh no. That's why I mean you to take the lead.

SPEAKER_04 18:00

Okay, well, I was going to, but then you you started you started your question, which was fascinating and fun for the whole family.

SPEAKER_03 18:07

I think birthdays, just to like bring us back to the birthday of it all, um are fascinating to me as like a little human experience or a human experiment rather, because I, like I said before, I love birthdays, both my own and others. I love my own birthday because I just feel special all day. Even if like nothing like I always just like to do my favorite things, like the things that I would normally do because it just makes me feel special. I also remember in seventh or eighth grade, I might have told this story before. I don't remember, can't keep track of my stories, but there was a year when I was, you know, in that precious little middle school time that I thought I was gonna be just like so cool and mysterious and not like remind people or tell people that it was my birthday. And that was back in the days when people would like decorate somebody's locker or like maybe people would get balloons delivered to the office or something. And I was like, I'm just I'm just not even gonna make a big deal. And it was like the saddest day ever because nobody knew it was my birthday, you know? And I was like, Oh, I can't tell them now. And so I made a promise to I know, poor me. Poor little frizzy here, Elizabeth. Um, so I promised myself I would never do that again. I'm like, I am going to tell people it's my birthday. I'm going to let it be. I'm not gonna try to be too cool because I'm not. I just I like my birthday, I like feeling special, and I'm so lucky to have people who want to make me feel special and do. And I also love doing that for other people. I love being excited about somebody's birthday. Like, if you know me, I've probably left you a singing voice or a text or whatever on your birthday. And I have found that sometimes people well, people always like my singing messages, or at least they're too nice to tell me otherwise. But you know, some people have really complicated feelings about their birthdays and about whether that's about aging or whatever else. And I've learned that my excitement can sometimes just be more for me than for them. So I think when it comes to relationships, community, friendships, etc., it's just an interesting thing to learn about the people that you love. Because I also have friends who have high expectations when it comes to birthdays that can be hard to meet unless you just say, like, what like tell I need you to tell me, you know what I mean? Because I want to do what's gonna make you happy. And I think, you know, that can it could like make or break a relationship, you know? Yeah. So I just think it's just interesting.

SPEAKER_07 20:31

Like, that's one of those things where the conversation that we had offline the other day where, you know, the woman put her yoga mat on your yoga mat in that whole time is just like you working to understand and tell a story about this person's motivation because of like your level of consideration is the conclusion that I've drawn, you didn't say that, but I'm like, you're a very considerate person, so I'm sure it threw you for a loop when somebody could do something that to a lot of people could be considered to be inconsiderate. So it's like, how do you tell a story that you know creates consideration for that person so that it could like make sense to your very considerate mind? And I trip, I I think I can I think I could struggle with people who trip on like their birthdays or like expect anything because like I'm so and that's a weird thing. I'm I think I'm uh also about to get into a knot where it's like, yeah, I don't like if you're like, yeah, you gotta be here at this time, and if you're not there, I just like I don't how could you be my friend if you're not there and uh which I don't have any friends like that. But if I did, I don't know if we'd be friends for long, or maybe I really love that person as like a new way to like understand how I would like to show up for somebody. Yeah. But also on the same tip, like I could do the thing to where I downplay my shit so big, but that's kind of the opposite too. Whereas like there's still like a pain that I feel like, oh damn, didn't nobody. You know, da da da. You know, I think one of the most interesting and maybe I would I would dare to say special birthdays I've ever had was on a silent meditation retreat. Um, and that was like what, like four or five years ago, maybe, maybe five years ago. I turned however old I turned five years ago, uh, at a silent meditation retreat in the middle of the retreat. So like at this retreat, you can't talk. You don't talk. You know, you really ain't supposed to look at nobody in the eyes. Um, and so um, but I found so much joy in knowing it was my birthday, and we would eat and I'm eating with people, and I'm like, they're eating my birthday meal with me. You you know, they don't know. Nobody knew. You know? Um, I don't even think maybe I told a couple of people, like, hey, you know, it was my birthday on this day, like after the retreat when we were getting ready to get up out of there, but it was like this thing where it's like all day, everything I did was like the birthday thing.

SPEAKER_05 22:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 22:58

But like nobody was in on it. But it was like the the coolest inside joke that I had that all day, every I kick that rock, that's the birthday rock kick. You know what I'm saying? And at the end of the day, I ended up on top of the the mountain because you could walk up the trail, and I just watched the sunset, you know, on my own, on my birthday, you know, had a conversation with my higher power of what I appreciated, you know, set some intention for the upcoming year. And it was just really special. It was also really interesting, you know. I don't remember there being a lot of resistance, but I'm sure that there was like, like, dang, I wish I could tell somebody you know, um, that I had to show up for. But I and I might be looking through Rose Tinted glasses, I I just remember like really feeling at home in myself and and not needing any validation or like extra participation from anybody else. Now, had the rule been off and okay, this day of all days you can talk to people, I for sure probably would have told somebody, it's my birthday today. You know what I'm saying? But even that, for me, like, if I if and when I tell people it's my birthday, like there's like there's a little bit, like, what do you expect somebody to to do or say for? Like, if somebody tells me it's I'm like, oh my God, like, you know, happy birthday. Like, today's a special day. Like, how you, you know, how you feel? But on the flip side of this, uh one day I was it was my birthday, and maybe it was last year's. I think I think it was I don't know when on on the timeline this was, before after the silent meditation retreat. But um I'm like, I'ma I'ma work on my birthday. And um I was doing recovery coaching and I'm downtown, not downtown, east side Detroit. And um on 94, on the way to the east, uh, I was passing the 16 whether I get flicked by the state boys. And so I'm on the side of the road, officer comes up to the car, like, you know, license and registration, please. I'm like, hey man, it's my birthday, bro. Like, he just like license and registration, please. Like, I don't give a fuck about that shit. You know what I mean? Like, um, so there's a there's a level of importance that I know that I'm not. And that's like not a uh um a like a degrading realization. It's just like, hey, kind of like that's healthy humility. And I think previously in my life, like birthdays turned me up to where it's like King Baby came out and and it was just not nice. But on the flip side though, like this year, like, you know, Lily keeps asking me, like, you know, what do I want? Like, am I she's trying to figure out my schedule, you know. Um, and like I'm kind of just dragging my ass on giving her my schedule, and and then, you know, I finally gave her my schedule. She like, you know, take off that day, dah da da da. And I'm like, cool. And I've said mine also, like, if it's a lot, like, you know, don't trip, like, don't go too crazy. But you know, I I don't I don't want you to go crazier than you know that you can go because you feel because she really gives a fuck about all holidays, but especially birthdays. And but there's something in there too that's like, if you can't if you can't do it, you know, just you don't have to. You know, and it's just like it is like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, where it's like, no, bro, let people do shit for you. You know, like and and and be happy that people care about you enough to want to. You know? And and don't downplay how important it is that you are alive and people care about like your existence. Yeah. You know, so that's a that's a I think it's a I don't want to even say it's a balance. I don't even want to say like I'm reconciling. I don't know what it is. I'm just like I'm showing up for it, and I think I'm talking about it out loud right now that kind of gives it shape so that I can see it. But you know, it's a it's a weird thing to show up for.

SPEAKER_03 27:03

Yeah. Yeah, I agree with you though. Like, especially I think for people who really love birthdays, and I say that as somebody who loves birthdays um much because I'm so happy the people that I love were born. And like if there's a day to celebrate that, like, oh my god, you were born today. Like, what a day. My life was changed because of this day that this happened, you know? So it's it is, it's like a communal thing, and there is nothing that makes me sadder. That's not true. Obviously, there's lots of things that make me sadder, but something that makes me very sad is if like I spend the day or any amount of time with somebody and I find out later it was their birthday, or like as we're leaving, I find it.

SPEAKER_07 27:39

And it's just like that is kind of like a working foot. I know, like I wish I had known that.

SPEAKER_04 27:45

Like, oh man, but also I understand how like you know, it can be weird to be like, Oh, by the way, it's my birthday, but like I would do it because I also don't want to give somebody else that feeling.

SPEAKER_01 27:54

And you know, even if it's somebody who's just gonna fuck you and say happy birthday, that's like that's that's meaningful and it's a connector.

SPEAKER_03 28:01

Like, how nice to be able to celebrate a person, and it's so easy, you know, just to be like, Oh, happy birthday! It's exciting, it's your day.

SPEAKER_07 28:08

Anyways, yeah, that's happened to me a couple of times, and I I remember almost being like perplexed. It's like what the fuck? It was your birthday, bro. We spent half the day together. What you mean it was your birthday? It was your birthday. Why didn't you tell me?

SPEAKER_05 28:25

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 28:26

Oh, yeah, you know, it was my birthday the other day. The day we were together all day. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 28:32

It was your birthday. I know.

SPEAKER_07 28:35

But hey, everybody has different relationships with different and I you are listening to the friend lab and you are a part of the buddyhood, so you are very aware that we all come in different shapes and sizes and to put us together in different like it to put us together takes the level of intentionality that it takes to like put Legos from different sets together. You you know, if you desire to build this castle, it's gonna take work and intention and showing up for people who don't have the same experience as you.

SPEAKER_05 29:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 29:05

You know, and and you might not have the same experience as as you had last year because we change and grow. And so the awareness of that allows for us to continue to connect and continue to show up for each other and and love the people that we love, uh, not in the emotional definition of love, but in the practice definition of love, where it's like, how can I show up and love this person as they are showing themselves to be to me today?

SPEAKER_00 29:29

Love is a bird.

SPEAKER_07 29:30

How can I show up and love myself as I'm showing up in the mirror today? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:35

That actually leads to our ask a buddy segment of the show.

SPEAKER_07 29:39

You gotta do, you gotta do the shit. You gotta what's the the jingle today?

SPEAKER_03 29:44

Um Ask a Buddy, ask a buddy something, and they answer you.

SPEAKER_07 29:51

First of all, we definitely gotta start putting these videos on Apple Podcasts because y'all had to see the shoulders before the music started. The shoulders hit first, then came the music, and the music was came with a different head bob than the shoulders started with, so you could tell something was loading, but like what was loading wasn't exactly what came, but that was an amazing experience. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

That's your birthday present.

SPEAKER_03 30:15

Um so this is actually great. Uh something to oh my god, what's the transition from what you were just talking about? My question for you is in this uh moment of time in your life where I know that like you've said a couple times that you know you're you're like in a weird place and identity is kind of this fluid thing. What right now would you say is your favorite thing about Bryce the Third?

SPEAKER_07 30:41

That he's trying. That he's trying because there's there's been days where the equivalent you know how like a like the equivalent of just like eating ice cream and then just binge watching a show where it's like and in ways that is like taking care of self, but also like there can be a string of ice cream in Netflix days where it's like I just don't want to try. Like it's so much stuff that like I don't even want to try to do anything. You know? And I'm pr I'm proud to look at back at however many months it's been and there's not too many days where I didn't at least do a thing or two that pushed in the direction of where it is that I would like my life to be. You know, like I st I still try. I still try. And I really appreciate that about myself. Um things aren't as black and white as they used to be. Um my path is not as linear as I would like it to be. And there's ways that if somebody who wasn't me became me, they can look and see, like, oh, you were 13 years almost in recovery, and there's ways that you've gotten worse in certain ways. And it's like I wouldn't quantify it like that. I would say that I don't know, man. It's like, you know, they say, they say thou shall not kill or whatever the fuck. Like, you know, and like that's the rule. Period. Period, no killing. Like, if it's the zombie apocalypse, bro, I might bite somebody neck off. You know what I'm saying? And that like is j there's a justification for like biting the neck off. You know? And so You know, to always tell the truth. I don't give a fuck. What my mama did. If the police can't ask some questions, I'm lying like a motherfucker. I don't know where she is. I ain't seen her in a a year. My mom's never been in my life. You know? So um I think learning to reconcile who it is that I become and like having that initial recovery thing where it's like, oh, always do this, or like practice the opposite, you know. Uh faith and fear can't exist simultaneously. Yes, the fuck they can. I live in a world where I'm th scared of shit and I'm moving in faith. I'm moving like things are going to work out, but I'm scared as fuck. So don't tell me that faith and fear can't exist at the same time, you know. Uh Bryce from 20 2013. You know what I'm saying? Because Bryce from 2013 would literally put his fingers on my lips. Faith and fear cannot exist simultaneously.

SPEAKER_00 33:22

He's exhausting, isn't he?

SPEAKER_07 33:24

He's fucking exhausting and he lives in me as the committee of Bryce's I'll get to see it at the table. Yeah, I mean, you know, um this Bryce tries. This Bryce tries. And some days there's more try than others, but at least, you know, every day there's a try.

SPEAKER_03 33:41

Yeah. I love that.

SPEAKER_07 33:43

What about you, Liz? What what do you what do you like about Liz the First?

SPEAKER_03 33:48

Liz the First? You'd think that I would be prepared with an answer for that. I was just thinking about all the things I loved about Bryce the Third. Um Liz the First. I I think my favorite thing in this season moment is that I make myself laugh. I think that I I just like that about myself. I like that and I I grew up with a dad who is is was and is very funny, and I he always made himself laugh, but like in this really like he'd say something and then the way he would laugh, it would sound like a fake laugh, but I know him well enough to know that he was actually laughing at himself. And like I make the same noise now when I make myself laugh. I gotta tell you, laughter really is the best freaking medicine, man. And like to be able to do that even when I'm alone in the room is um something that I yeah, I think I I used to be a little more embarrassed about. Now I really like that about myself.

SPEAKER_07 34:42

I feel like it's easier to do it when you're alone in the room versus when you're with company and you laugh and don't don't nobody else laugh and you have to like learn to like fuck with that. Yeah like remember, I got a 14-year-old daughter. So 50% of the shit I say is not funny to her. But I'll be like, And she'll be like, like, well, I thought it was funny, so yeah, and you were right.

SPEAKER_03 35:12

I'm sure it was funny. I'm so lucky because Billy, I will say just like the dumbest thing, like jokey, dumb thing, and he will he will laugh and he will genuinely like I believe him when he says, like, babe, you're so funny. And I'm like, I'm so glad I married you.

SPEAKER_01 35:26

Because honestly, that was not funny, but I'm so glad you think that it was.

SPEAKER_07 35:33

When whenever Leah says you're so funny, I'm like, nobody that ever thinks somebody is funny says that.

SPEAKER_01 35:39

Hey, no, that's love, man. Because it's sincere too, right? Like, it's like, oh, you really do think that was funny, don't you?

SPEAKER_07 35:46

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 35:47

It's nice.

SPEAKER_07 35:48

Well, yeah. Um, this has been a very special birthday episode of the Friend Lab. We appreciate you all for being a part of the buddyhood. Uh, if you made it this far, you are our people. So go and do the things on the internet that bring our show to the top. And when I say our show, I mean me, you, you, you, you, you. Just imagine if you if you're not watching this show, even if you're watching the show, I'm not actually doing it. But if you're in your head, just imagine me pointing at everybody listening to the show. You, you, you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you're like, share this episode with a friend because why the fuck wouldn't you share an episode of the friend lab with uh with a friend? Come on now.

SPEAKER_03 36:30

Your best buddy ever.

SPEAKER_07 36:31

And we will catch you on the next episode of The Friend Lab. The Friend Lab. I don't know if we did at the same time. We tried though. Love you all. Catch it up. Bye.