You Can't Bubble Wrap the People You Love

What do you do when life doesn't wait for you to be ready?

In this episode of The Friend Lab, Bryce and Liz record through one of the most honest conversations the pod has had yet — and a lot of it was unplanned. The recording drops mid-session. Bryce's Grandma has passed. There's grief, family conflict and a partner who just got rear-ended on the freeway on the way to dance practice. And through all of it, Bryce shows up.

They get into what it really means to keep going when you don't have the equipment for what you're facing — and why asking for help isn't weakness, it's the skill your younger self built for you. They talk about the "Council": every version of you that got you to where you are, and why that council is always taking new applications. About what it means to find your people in a new city. About why nobody wants to hear about resilience when they're actually in it.

This one doesn't wrap up neatly. Neither does life. But it's worth showing up for anyway.

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About Liz McKean: Liz is a hypnotherapist, yoga teacher, and creator of spaces where people can unshame their coping tools and finally feel better.

About Bryce The Third: When it comes to the most authentic and impactful voices rising out of Detroit, Michigan, Bryce The Third is a name you can’t afford to leave out. Not just an artist, he’s an emotional engineer with a live show that a mix of performance art, storytelling, high level lyricism and community building. Not only does Bryce have a story to tell, when you witness it, you’ll wanna tell yours 

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More about Liz → lizmckean.com

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

I had a person be really mean to me the other day and it really hurt my feelings and like stayed with me for a while. And it really could have kept me from interacting with people the rest of that day. I had to make the decision to be like, okay, I'm not gonna let this change the way I am with people today because that wasn't about me.

SPEAKER_06 0:15

I don't know if I said this on a podcast, but one thing my mom has said in in in counseling, which is like, Apropos, you've always been able to learn how to swim while drowning and swallowing water.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

That just made me have to take a dear, deep breath. Just even hearing that.

SPEAKER_03 0:29

Jesus. You can't bubble wrap your loved ones and make it so they never have to feel pain just because that would preserve their safety and well-being for your comfort. Like that wouldn't be good for them, even if you could do it. And it's it's just a hard thing.

SPEAKER_06 0:43

What up, my friends, and welcome to The Friend Lab. We're your host and good friends, Bryce the Third.

SPEAKER_03 0:47

And Liz McKean. And if you're here, you're here to cook up some friendship.

SPEAKER_06 0:52

We know that it's hard to make friends, and it could be a challenge to keep friends and be a friend. So building connections in your life is something that you're looking to get better at. You're in the right place.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

Friendship and connection and relationships of all kinds are the best kind of challenge. It's the thing that makes being a person worth being a person. We're excited to share our friendship with you.

SPEAKER_06 1:09

So throw your lab codes on and let's get this experiment jump in the friend lab. In the friend lab. What up, everybody, and welcome to another episode of the Friend Lab Podcast. We are your host, Bryce the Third.

SPEAKER_03 1:20

And Liz McKean.

SPEAKER_06 1:23

Liz, what the hell is up, Ben?

SPEAKER_03 1:28

I don't know. Um, it has been a busy running around, just running a little behind all day kind of day. And yeah, I'm glad to be here sitting still talking to you. What's up with you?

SPEAKER_06 1:44

Yeah. Stillness is pretty cool. This will be my second day in a row, starting my day with 10 minutes of meditation.

SPEAKER_07 1:54

Wow, that's a good idea.

SPEAKER_06 1:55

And if you know me, you know how I feel like a chump saying something like that. But I also had to like, you know, that's one of the voices in a committee of Bryces, where it's like, hey man, you know, you're not who you was, so you can't go back to doing what it is that you did because you're not who you used to be. And so, you know, I had a I had a deep meditation practice, and I feel like sometimes when we had have had a thing or have had an experience, and then, you know, now we're having maybe the polar opposite of that experience, or we we have the previous experience to be able to compare to, it's harder to celebrate two days of meditation. I think Insight Timer will take you as a sponsor to this podcast. We we we will. We usually don't, you know, say the brands that, you know, unless there's like something that's written in ink. But Insight Timer is an app that uh I've always looked at and admired because they just do little things that's like, yes, like that's very utility. Like I I definitely will use that. But then it does things that's like, oh, that's super fucking informed, you know. And so they'll do this thing where, you know, you get the streak. And I remember back in the day, like I would like pop on and hop on for like 30 seconds just so I can keep my streak going. And and, you know, technically that's cheating, and you would think that that's the opposite of mindfulness. But, you know, um, it will still give you the streak, and it'll still like encourage you, like, hey, you'll see these benefits over this amount of time. But when I took a beat from the app, I came back on and it showed me like how many times I've ever meditated always. It was like, this is your 2000th something time of being on the app. And then it started to like explain the benefits of like consecutive use, and then it, you know, encouraged me to set like a five-day, three-day, two-day goal or whatever. But like it didn't say, oh, you know, you're starting your streak over, like it reminded me of how much that I've done thus far. And it was like, yo, I love this app, man. I love this app. Because yes, you're right. I I'm I am 2,000 something days in of, you know, mindfulness, maybe not consecutively, definitely not consecutively these days. But, you know, thanks for reminding me of like where I've come from, you know, and that it's it's not it's not terrible to be jumping back in because, you know, I we've talked about like relapse and recovery, where, you know, some people, oh, you relapsed. I think we both can agree that, you know, there's continuity in your journey. Uh and if you show up today, there's there's continuity in that. People will look at relapse like, oh, you relapse, so you gotta start over. You you know, it's like, ah nah, because you're not who you was before, you know, that's that slip for you. Yeah. You know.

SPEAKER_03 5:06

Yep. I agree. No, I that that's I mean, I'm the biggest proponent of that. I have conversations like that are about this specifically, more days than not, um when it comes in in recovery spaces, like when somebody will say, Oh, I had this much time, and then I um, you know, I drank or used or relapsed or whatever language they use, and you know, I can't believe I'm starting over. And like the thing that I will say again and again because I've realized how I realize that folks don't always it doesn't occur to them. It's like all that time matters. All everything you did matters. Like, you know, it you you have you are so much stronger than you were the last time maybe you decided to start. And also the fact that you came here and said, you know, like I'm just thinking of like an app in particular where somebody is like said that publicly. The fact that you came here, showed up, said this happened, and you know, and I'm I'm trying again, like, you know how much more strength that takes than just the showing up again today and again today and again today. Like that's huge and that is important, and that is like celebration worthy. But like the people that those moments in all of our lives that we're like, I gotta, I'm trying this again and I'm here and I'm gonna say it and I'm gonna like, you know, maybe ask for help if I need it. Like, that is a level of badassery that deserves a fucking ticker tape parade. I don't really know what a ticker tape parade is. I've just heard that said before. I'm gonna use it. Feels like a thing to say, but like that is a big ass deal. Like, like the your freaking car like broke down on the side of the road. When that turns on and restarts, that is a really exciting thing. When you just turn it on your garage in the morning, it's like, cool, yeah, I expect this. This is something that, like, you know, it's just working the way it's supposed to. But like when it's just like, holy shit, we did it, we fixed it. You know, like that's a big deal. It's a it's a it takes so much badassery. So congratulations on your re-entry into Insight Timer. Congratulations on recognizing all that shit that you did before that got you to the place that you could come back right now. And yeah, that's amazing. You're no chump.

SPEAKER_06 7:19

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I I definitely agree wholeheartedly. The only thing that I would say is that I wouldn't say that it takes more strength. I say that, like I said, you can't compare strengths. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 7:35

That's a good point. Yep, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 7:36

You where you're at, maybe strength.

SPEAKER_03 7:38

It's a different kind of strength. Like a different wealth.

SPEAKER_06 7:41

It's a different, you'll know, it's it's a different energy, but all of that shit, like the same as if you got like three, six, nine, twelve hundred days in a row and you showing up for that twelve hundred and one, you'll know because this is a non-negotiable, although you are benefiting off of the momentum, you've also navigated changing. You've also navigated, you know, things shifting up and you still showing up and being consistent, and that takes uh a level of strength that is admirable. You know, so it's just kind of one of those things where it's like you can't necessarily measure strength, you can't measure effort, you can't compare it. Even if you're looking at yourself now and previous versions of yourself and future versions of yourself, because it's like danger that like I'm living a life right now that I will literally, like if you pluck me from 13 years ago and put me sitting here right now, like I just, you know, I I hold him in today. You know what I'm saying? Because like it took him to be him for me to get where I'm at now. And and you know, like I know that he wouldn't be equipped for this, you know, and there's ways that I'm not equipped for this. And I'm also equipped for this because of him previously, because he knows when we're not equipped for something, we raise our hand and say, Hey, I don't have the equipment, please. Can somebody, you know, uh accompany me that has the equipment or like point me to the nearest equipment store because my my equipment is insufficient. Oh man, here I go. I'm reconnecting, so something's going on.

SPEAKER_03 9:27

I lost you. Definitely lost you.

SPEAKER_06 9:29

Who knows what's happening? All right, so I don't know how much we're gonna be able to salvage from the previous recording um because I was in the middle of talking about how if previous me was in my current shoes, he wouldn't have the equipment to maintain my the composure that this version of me has. But also I need him because he's the one who keeps me raising my hand to ask for the equipment when I don't have it, which I currently don't have. I don't think I have everything that I need proportionate to the shit I'm going through. And so like I've I've raised my hand a couple of times, like, hey, I think I need some more than I have, and I don't know like where it's at or where I can get it. Is there like a new, like a higher conception of God? Is there ways that I can 11-step? Yes, y'all, I'm 12-step. Um, is there, you know, people I could talk to that I hear spirit like through them? Like I need more now than I have. And so like I have to do different now to cultivate what it is that I may need to carry me through what it is that I'm going through. And I wouldn't have that inclination if it wasn't for me from 13 years ago who I couldn't put, you know, here and I couldn't expect him to handle and hold all of this. Uh the for for for the recording to like cut out, and then me to be able to hop right back in, pick up where we where we left off, turn it into a lesson, hopefully be able to wrap it in if the if we're able to salvage that part of the recording and like not have thrown my fucking mic through the window and started crying because of like all of the shit that I'm experiencing. I could, you know, literally be like, damn, dog, you know, like I'm you know those moments where you just you know it's right, you're on the surface, and then you walk through the dough, and then a nail catch your shit, and and don't let it be like your favorite pants, too. I will fucking bite the door. You know what I'm saying? Like shit.

SPEAKER_02 11:36

The rage is like un Yeah, words cannot express.

SPEAKER_06 11:41

Yeah, and I feel like I feel like I feel like that's there for me, but also like I don't know, man. Like I'm you know, I'm showing up. You know, I'm showing up. And that's been my superpower this whole time. It's like you show up and you build, you build the ability to be able to continue to show up. You know, some people call it resilience. And the people who go through shit, I'm sure we don't want to hear that resilient shit when we're going through it. You know what I'm saying? I'm just like, one thing my mom, I don't know if I said this on a podcast, but one thing my mom has said in in counseling, which is like apropos, I think that's the terminology, apropos, was that you you've always been able to learn how to swim while drowning and swallowing water.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

That just made me have to take a dear, deep breath. Just even hearing that. Jesus.

SPEAKER_06 12:36

But that's you know, that's been that's been like that's been the experience. You know? And yes, true. That that it is true. And also, like, you know, I don't that doesn't always have to be the baseline, but when the tide comes in and it's a typhoon, you know, and everybody else is like under the water, like I'm gonna figure out how to swim, man.

SPEAKER_03 13:02

So it's so am I bumming you out?

SPEAKER_06 13:08

Hold on, wait. No, no, you're no, you're making me think.

SPEAKER_03 13:11

No, of course not. Um I mean, I I I bummed that you had to swim swallow in water and all these drowning that like I mean, I want to go out and have a boat and put you on the boat and have you never have to be near water again, but I'll say that.

SPEAKER_06 13:29

At least we were hydrated, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 13:31

At least we were hydrated. See, that's the silver lining. Oh my god. Um Council of Bryces. I feel like the all those previous versions of you that couldn't do this right now, but also are the reason you can do this right now, are on the council. And I think that's like such a powerful thing because you've got all those skills. Like, so even in the moments that you don't have to swim while drowning and swallowing water, you got somebody that's like, hey, I know how to do that, got you, you know, and then also that same person can be the one sometimes who I think, and and I'm I'm talking about you obviously because talk about the council of prices, but feel free to disagree because this could be unique to the council of wizards. That could be the same person that in a moment where you catch your pants on a door or the recording doesn't work, that like what he knows most, that council member knows most is we always have to swim while we're drowning and swallowing water, and we have to do it by ourselves. And this is always the way it's been and always the way it's gonna be. And so I think the beauty of having like all the versions of you and the entire council, and like obviously your current you there is that you can be like, hear you. And also, no, it doesn't have to be this way all the time. Thank you for that skill, thank you for that strength, thank you for that experience, and I can just start the recording again. Like, there's there's a council, it's not just, it's not, it's not just any one of our versions. That's what makes us stronger. And also, I know for me, there's times that there's versions of me in my head that will be like, here we go again, here everything's gone to shit, just like it's got just like it has before. And it's like, no, actually, we're not we're not in that moment anymore. We have those skills, we have that strength, we know we can survive it, and we're not in that moment anymore. I don't know if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_06 15:17

Yeah, no, it definitely makes sense. I think to add to the analogy of the council, like shit, the council is always taking applications.

SPEAKER_02 15:25

Yeah, we're always adding to it.

SPEAKER_06 15:27

There's there's members that don't exist there yet. And so like there's because there's experiences that I've yet to have that I don't even know I don't even know what counsel to seek. You know? And so there are those where it's like, hey, you know, there's a uh what what is it? We've talked about it before, the internal family systems counseling uh uh structure where it's like, oh, that's the firefighter. It's like, oh, you gotta put out fires or something like that. You know. But you know when what happens when you're faced with something unprecedented? You you know, the the A new council member is born. It's not written into the bylaws like how to show up for this. You know, and a lot of times with chaos and calamity, it's like shit, you know, we we flail our arms and you know, just give up. And I would I would dare say that if you've ever had that experience, like you know, what comes with that is wanting to beat yourself up. Because it's like, ah, you know, I don't have the equipment, so I just give up. But you know, that's why like you human. What the f do you expect when you come across something unprecedented? You you go you want to raise, like you, you will how do you know how to show up for something that you ain't never experienced before? So it's like there's there's the potential to kick and scream and flail and say this such, and like show up and just have that little bit of willingness to allow for this to be what it is because it is that way now. And so how do you show how do you who previously had a list of bylaws that you could refer to show up for this? How do you sit in this? You know, how do you sit in this and and also maintain the preexisting bylaws, which for me are, you know, compassion, understanding, you know, uh perseverance, resilience, friendship, love, uh, community, curiosity. Uh there's things that I I know I can fall back on that like help me to to remember me in times of chaos and calamity because like that that's who you are. You know, th those are the things that you take pride in being. And so how do you maintain that in the midst of something that is unprecedented?

SPEAKER_03 18:04

Yeah. Yeah. And you know, even if it's not unprecedented, even if it's just a precedented thing that's happened more than once, it doesn't mean you can't do it differently. It doesn't mean you can't like what what did I see recently that made me laugh? It was like like, no, it's not my first rodeo, but it's only my second rodeo, and that's just not enough rodeos for me to be good at this yet. Like I need most, I need a lot of rodeos.

SPEAKER_02 18:30

Like it doesn't have to be just because you've had a rodeo before, you're great at the rodeo. Like we get we get to keep we get to keep learning and growing, and it can hard things can happen again and again, and we just get to be, you know, stronger every time.

SPEAKER_03 18:45

And I and I agree with you. It's like reaching back into those into the pockets that hold all the pieces of you that make you you. Um, even if you don't have like a skill yet to handle a thing. I was just talking about this today. It's like um, you know, we we talked about recovery. There's a lot of things that happen in recovery that feel very new because you're no longer reaching for the same tool that you had before, you know, like the the first time in, you know, recovery for me meant sober from alcohol. So the first time a really hard thing happened, like I got really bad news, or you know, I was grieving, like in sobriety, was like very much a first rodeo, even though it wasn't the first rodeo, it was a first fucking rodeo because it was like I no longer have the easy button that wasn't easy, but it was just the only one that I knew to push. So like I have to yeah, I have to look to the rest of the council to be like, what else can we pull from here? And often it is your people, the the people around you. Often it's like, oh, I actually have to go outside of the council because the council's inside of me, and then there's there's so much strength and there's so much support around me in other people that maybe I wouldn't have support it from before.

SPEAKER_06 20:00

Yeah, yeah, shit. I mean, maybe I wouldn't have been as honest if it wasn't for people, you know. Um I I find that it may sometimes be harder to be honest with myself than it is to be with, you know, someone who I know care about me. And it's not because like I'm a liar to myself. It's just like, you know, that you can't see the picture when you're in a frame. You know, I may not know, you know, but it may just come up in conversation when talking to you because borrowing the way that you see me may give me that that much dissonance that allows for me to notice some of the things that oh, have I been honest about this? Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like, have I said this out loud? Like in in my uh meeting last night, like you know, you just get so in the groove of things that you don't really like look at it through the lens of like anything but where you're at. But I'm in a meeting last night. I'm like, I'm about to snitch on myself because I got a ticket in Pennsylvania and I didn't pay that shit, and then they just mailed me something. Uh I got I got I got a couple of letters from Royal Loke. It was three of them and it was all the same, same price. So I'm like, ah, maybe they made like a uh a glitch and they just sent me the same shit and like each one got a different case number. It's like, oh, I do not be paying tickets. And I could feel like I feel the literal energy in my body that I'm sure I felt when I got those tickets. Like, fuck these tickets. Like, why should I pay the park? I pay for everything else. Fuck your city. I don't gotta come back. You know, you know, and I I I I rock, I like I rock with the person that says that and has the grace for himself to like feel that, you know, but also who I intend to be is um is what is the word I'm looking for? It is reinforced by the environments that I frequent. And so when I'm at my AA me in, like I can snitch on myself, but I wouldn't consider even snitching on myself, it was just snitching. Like, I don't give a fuck. You know, I'll take this, I'll take this shit to the grave. You can get it, get this, get this money and blood. But at the 12-step meetings, I'm like, oh man, you know, like integrity, and you know, if this was a sponsee, like I'd tell him to, you know, make the amends, and I can't tell somebody that I'm working with to do something that I ain't gonna do. So it's like it's really good to kind of have something that isn't like me. You know?

SPEAKER_04 22:24

Yeah. Yeah. So did you pay the tickets?

SPEAKER_06 22:28

I didn't pay the fucking tickets yet. I just got them yesterday. Well, the one from Pennsylvania came yesterday. Uh, and the ones from Royal Log came like three days ago. It also came with something that said they was garnishing like my tax return, but like I don't I don't remember that happening. So I don't know. Maybe I need to pay a little bit more attention. I don't know. We're not here to talk about my finances, ladies.

SPEAKER_03 22:52

Thank you very much. Please let's not talk about mine either. Um yeah, I think well it goes it goes both ways. Like there's that's the beauty of having people who are who see you, you know, that that they also get to act as mirrors, you know, you get to see yourself in them. And that can be I gotta, I gotta be honest about this thing, or I gotta look at this differently, or I gotta own up to the thing that I would want somebody else to own up to. And there's also the like I mean, what you do for me all the time, which is like I'll be like, okay, well, this and this and this is happening, but it's fine, it's gonna be fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm supposed to be fine, so I'm fine. And you'll be like, no, that's a lot of fucking shit. Like, that's a lot that's happening. And we talked about this, I think, in another episode, but like that's a lot, and you're doing a good job. And it's like I could not have seen that. I was like you said, I think you said the frame and the picture frame. I've like for me, it's always like I was in the jar, so I couldn't see the label, you know. So to have that reflected back, and that's the beauty of people that like putting yourself in positions where there's community, there's people that can see you is that yes, there's accountability. Yes, there is that, you know, both inner desire and outer kind of expectation that you are going to be a person of integrity that you've said that you're want to be. And there's also like that that grace and that compassion that you're talking about that sometimes when you can't quite reach it for yourself, like that that can be reflected back at you too when you need it. So it's it's all those things. I think sometimes we go into relationships relationships expecting one or the other. Um, I guess I can just be for myself where it's like I'm afraid of this relationship because or this this experience, this community, whatever, because it is a there is accountability, there is expectations, and like I don't know if I want to look into that mirror. Or, you know, in this relationship, it's just all we're just gonna blow smoke up each other's asses the other time the whole time, you know? And and I think when you really have found your people, it's it's just all the right versions of those two websites at the coin.

SPEAKER_06 24:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 24:59

How do you find your people, dude?

SPEAKER_03 25:03

Um you know I think for me I'm I right now I'm in a in a moment where I'm looking a little bit, you know, I'm like new to an old home kind of thing. I mean back to Tampa where we lived and didn't live for the last couple years, but and and I have people here. I have like, you know, people I love and who love me and I'm so fortunate. But they those people are not really part of my everyday life, you know, like how you've got like your your core people, and then you've also got like your everyday life people, like places you go, people who know you. And and we've talked about this before about how like for me that's often been like the the gym where it's like there are people that I don't maybe have like we're not gonna necessarily go to each other's birthday parties, but we are gonna have saved in our phone when somebody's birthday was and send a message, you know what I mean? Or we're gonna like be excited to see you when you walk in or whatever. And um, and those are the things that jet that grow into the deeper relationships. Um, I think more often than not. And here I don't really have that yet. I'm kind of bouncing around different places. And yeah, it's it's an interesting feeling to be I don't know, I feel a little unmoored, you know, in in my in my world right now. But I also know from previous experience how I do find my people, which is going to it's doing the things that I want to do, go doing the things that I enjoy. It's getting the getting the fuck out of the house and going to a workout that looks like fun or a yoga class that looks like fun, or you know, walking on the river where Billy and I like to walk and doing that about the same time every day. So we tend to start seeing the same kind of the same people. It's um, you know, when I'm when I'm in line at a store and somebody's, you know, wearing shoes that I think are cute, saying it because sometimes that turns into a bigger conversation, you know, it's just just being out there and and being a person and smiling at people and knowing that sometimes that it's a risk because sometimes people don't smile in return. I had a person be really mean to me the other day and it really hurt my feelings and like stayed with me for a while, and it really could have kept me from interacting with people the rest of that day. I had to make the decision to be like, okay, I'm not gonna let this change the way I am with people today because that wasn't about me. Because I am a lovely person. And and that's how, that's how it's it's taking the risks and knowing it sometimes it ends up being wonderful, and other times it feels a little shitty, and it's worth it because your people are out there.

SPEAKER_06 27:37

Yeah. I I got this thing for like the people that I care about. Sometimes like I want to stand in front of those experiences of like people being mean to them, you know, because like that's you like you I I know you, you know, and I know you deserve a thousand times more than that. And you know, I think I think I'd like to remind you in this moment, like fuck this person that don't know you.

SPEAKER_03 28:07

You know, I I get a bit defensive, but also I mean I wanted to say that about the tickets, like fuck those tickets, you don't deserve the fucking tickets. Rip those goddamn tickets, give send me their email.

SPEAKER_06 28:17

At the end of the day, though, like you gotta have that experience, you know? Because I'm thinking, like, for me, people mean to me all the time. Mean in a way to where when I hear somebody else describe like an experience that they have, it's like, yeah, that sucks. You know, for me, I don't interpret it as people are mean to me. And so I but that's been my own protection. Plus, I got a lot of like unique variables, you know, familial structure. I'm I'm the bigger brother, I'm the oldest. You know, apparently I've been learning how to drown while or learning how to swim while drowning, swallowing water since I was like seven. You know, so it ain't really like the mean girl shit don't work on me. You know, I'm a person of recovery from substance use disorder, like I didn't recover to like worry about what you all are talking about in the corner that you're not letting me be a part of. Yeah. You know, I just you know, so like can't nobody really be mean to me because that's just not my experience. But if I was somebody else, because like, you know, like Leah, like my partner, she she's uh like today, she got rear-ended by a car, you know, on the freeway. It wasn't crazy bad, but like I know her level of sensitivity and her being on a freeway. I'm on the way to get my daughter like running just on time so I can get her to dance. She like, hey, turn around. I'm on the phone. She's talking to the dude. The dude is like, Well, what's wrong with your car? Ain't nothing wrong with your car. You gonna get the insurance involved just for that? You gonna get the insurance involved just for that? And then you hear his girl like come out like, hey, I'm sorry, what do you need a picture of? Here's a picture of the license plate, like here's the here's the insurance, you know. And, you know, when she got back, she was frazzled, you know, she, you know, she fucked up about it, you know, she she got to drive around in the car. It's not it's it's really it, like I had my I had the thing on my face where it's like, okay, when she pulls up, I'm gonna be like, it's not that bad. Like whatever, you know, whatever I seen, it was it's not that bad. You know, but I didn't have to pull the face out because it literally wasn't that bad, but it is like we would rather it not be anything, you know? Um, but you know, just in recounting, it's just like like I would, I would, if I would have teleported there, if I was there and like I'm there in front of bro, like on that, like bro, I'm on that too. Like, and that's just how shit happens, you know, you know what I'm saying? So like we're this is a podcast about relationships. I don't even know where I was going with that. I I feel like I was gonna call somebody and even talk about this shit because it's like, like, damn, you know, I have to kind of put out of my mind that people I care about are in the same world that I'm in. Cause I do a lot to make sure that my spirit is straight myself. You know, so I don't think about my son driving. I just don't. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I just don't think. Yeah. Cause I don't I don't know how he drives. A couple of times I was in a car with him. He's he's a little heavy on the brakes, and you know, like I just don't think about that often. You know, I I really am having a hard time. My daughter had a freshman this year, so you know, she's gonna be talking about her car soon. And I think she'll be responsible. But I don't know if she drives anything like her personality, she's 14. She's 14, but like one of the biggest rules that I have in driving is like, hey, one arrive alive, two, you driving for everybody else. You know, because everybody else, like, it don't matter who right or who wrong is you getting home. You know what I'm saying? And like, she don't give a fuck about shit right now. So hopefully that's just a 14-year-old thing. Because I told her, I'm like, hey, uh, my bad for, you know, because she was late to dance, because I had to like turn around, you know, and then when uh everything got settled there before I was gone, because I was 16 minutes away from her, you know, at the car accident scene. So I was that had wrapped up before I had got there. So I then I just turned around because I was already like running right on point to get Ryan to dance. And then so I flipped around and I picked her up and, you know, I'm like, hey, how you doing? You know, how are you? Good. I'm like, okay, cool. Something, something, something fine. I'm like, all right, I'm turning my audio book back on. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, uh, my bad I was late because, you know, Leah had got um rear-ended on the freeway, and you know, I had to turn around, you know, ain't no, oh, okay, is everything okay? None of that. It's just like, okay. It's not even an okay for real. It's just like, like, yeah, I'm turning my audio book back up. You know? Um and, you know, to be able to show up for her, not take it, not take it in a way to where it's like personal, but also not hold it in a way that has a wall or a roof. Cause I'm learning that too. Sorry, buddy hood. I'm just, you know, I it's a lot a lot of shit going on my G My Pass. And so we went over to, you know, my daddy's house or no, my my uncle's house, and I I kind of knew it was gonna be conflict because there had been like a couple of little little, like, grief is weird, and so everybody's trying, we got this one thing that we need to do, which is like put together this memorial. But it's hard to get everybody on the same page when everybody's having different experiences, but based around the same catalyst. And the there's a lack of understanding, and you know, da-da-da. And then there was a moment where like my cousin and my daddy had got into it. My cousin took my daddy to the room, and then it was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had the wherewithal to see what was going on. So I just walked by the door just to kind of like monitor what was going on. And they going back and forth, my cousin raising her voice, my uncle, now everybody behind me paying attention. I seen it when it was first happening. I'm like, nah, chill, just let them, because like conflict is healthy, you know. So like let them get it out. Uh and as they're getting it out, like I'm listening to like hear their sides and see if I can find the bridge so I can step in and kind of mm mm mediate between the two parties. But then I was like, no, fuck that. I don't want to do that. I'm gonna let y'all go at each other as long as ain't as long as no fish fly or nothing like that. I'm gonna let y'all go at each other, how y'all respond to each other, y'all gotta, y'all, y'all gotta live with that. Like if my daddy can't see how my cu where my cousin is coming from and hold space for her, you might lose your niece. You know, and if if my my cousin don't have the ability to communicate in a way that like, you know, sees my daddy as the man that he is, then you know, your your uncle might, you know, not be in your life. I can't, I can't get in the way of life for people. Yeah. And that's that's sustainable for me. The other thing is not, like, because you know, next time y'all get into it, it's like, oh, I wasn't there, or I couldn't bridge the gap, or I couldn't. So I was like, how do you how do I show up for the people I love whilst also maintaining something that is sustainable for me and my spirit? Uh and it's you know, I mean, given the circumstances, given the situation, given the context like that, the answer to that question It's gonna be something different every time. You know?

SPEAKER_03 35:43

Yeah. Yeah, it's it's hard when there's no bow to wrap things up with, even just like us, even the story, you know, even the even like reflecting it. Like there's it's hard when it's like, yeah, this is this is hard. But this is the hard thing about one of the many, many hard things about humaning and one of the many costs of loving other humans and not being able to control other humans. Like, and it's it's thank goodness we can't, and also it's hard. It's hard to be a person in the world in relationships with people, and not just because there's conflict, also because you can't you can't bubble wrap your loved ones and make it so they never have to feel pain, just because that would preserve their safety and well-being for your comfort. Like that wouldn't be good for them, even if you could do it. And it's it's just a hard thing.

SPEAKER_06 36:34

Shit.

SPEAKER_02 36:35

I know.

SPEAKER_03 36:37

Well, now you're bumming out the buddy.

SPEAKER_02 36:38

No, just kidding, you're not bumming out the buddy.

SPEAKER_03 36:40

This is all real, real stuff and important stuff, and and it's fucking worth it. It's like like like you said earlier. I think I don't know if this was before or after we got cut off, but um, you know, when you're in the the the muck of hard things, I mean we're always in the muck of hard things, right? But like when you're in like the muck, um, you don't want to hear about resilience. You don't want to hear, I just had this conversation with somebody the other day where it's like, you know, I know how much it must suck. Like I was having a conversation with somebody about like how things happen the way they're meant to, and how we were so grateful for that. And there was somebody else there who was going through some shit. And they were like, Yeah, that's really hard for me to hear right now because I'm going through some shit. And it's like, yeah. And also both things are true, you know? Like, so like when you're yeah, I mean, just both things are true. I think that's just it. There's the and and it also is like it's the it's you can't have one without the other. You can't have the the loving someone without the you know potential for them to get hurt. And you can't have the you know, the the relationships without there being some element of conflict, and you can't have a uh podcast about friendship without having it be about the hard things, and um all of that gets to exist here. Lucky us, all of that gets to exist here.

SPEAKER_06 38:00

Yeah, yeah, and with that being said, bunnies are a thing in life. Also, cats, even though I'm allergic, they're fuzzy and they exist. And if you slow down their little kikis, they sound really evil. Um my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 38:14

Did you send me that? I I swear to God, multiple people sent me that fucking video.

SPEAKER_04 38:23

I have two cats and I approve of this message. I love them dearly, but like, yeah, there's times that they are for sure scheming.

SPEAKER_06 38:31

Well, we are only scheming on friendship. And so, buddyhood, if you've listened this far, you are definitely our people. Uh we love you, we care about you, we're glad you're here. Do the thing. Uh before we do the thing, though.

SPEAKER_05 39:01

What was the last item of clothing you bought?

SPEAKER_06 39:07

And why?

SPEAKER_03 39:11

I have an answer for this. I bought um yoga pants, leggings. Um because I like them and because I wear them all the time, because I most of my life is in leggings. But they are they have blue polka dots, and I have about 800 pairs of black, like the same black leggings.

SPEAKER_06 39:34

And I'm I like the Steve Jobs of yoga.

SPEAKER_03 39:37

I am the Steve Jobs. I and yeah, and I usually wear a black top and black pants because I don't have to think about it, and like I don't have to match, and also like I am a sweaty beast. Like most things I find that have like a pretty color are also really, it's like this the sweat doesn't happen in an organized fashion. It's not in like complimentary areas on your body when it happens. So like I just need it to all be black and just whatever. It looks the same when I'm gross and sweaty as it does when I'm not. Anyway, but I bought polka dot. There's like bright blue polka dots on there are black pants, but they're bright blue polka dots all over them. And the girl that that I at the store was just like, she was like, you know, we have a uh sports bra to match this because like everybody now is wearing like the little pants and sports bra, like it's a set thing, which I just cannot. Um I can't. I'm sorry, I just I can't I have to have a shirt. Um, and also even if I was that girl, I probably couldn't do polka dots top and bottom. It was like this is you do not know the big deal that this is the thing is purchased right now.

SPEAKER_06 40:32

That's that's like a level of being able to work it to do top and bottom polka dot.

SPEAKER_03 40:38

Yeah, and I mean the fact that it's not solid fact that I mean, even if it was like a different solid color would have been a big deal. So the polka dot situation, it is a brave new step into a brave new world. I've not yet worn them, but I will report back, Buddy Hood, and that is the last clothing item I purchased.

SPEAKER_05 40:52

All right, Buddy Hood, let's check Liz's status. What store did you get the yoga pants from?

SPEAKER_00 40:58

What do you think?

SPEAKER_06 41:00

Either it was what's the one with the reason?

SPEAKER_00 41:05

Just think of white girls in yoga pants.

SPEAKER_06 41:07

Because you know they got a new one in town. It's called Alu A-L-L. Alo.

SPEAKER_03 41:11

Alo is the cool kids store. Henceforth, Lululemon. I'm always lulular.

SPEAKER_05 41:17

Lululemon.

SPEAKER_03 41:18

Lululemon. I know.

SPEAKER_05 41:20

It's just cost $300.

SPEAKER_03 41:24

They are $108, I believe, but I do get a discount because I'm a yoga teacher. And I just I I could not imagine shopping there if I didn't. But also, I have the yoga pants that I bought there 10 years ago that I've worn for a thousand yoga c hot yoga classes and wash them a million times and put them in the dryer, are still, I still wear them. So it's like they they're actually really, I just I can't find anything else that matches up to them.

SPEAKER_06 41:47

You know the yoga pants you bought me when we was shooting for content for the jails.

SPEAKER_03 41:52

Oh yeah. They were Lululemon knockoffs. Those are good.

SPEAKER_06 41:57

Even when you try to pretend to be Lululemon, you last forever.

SPEAKER_03 42:00

Man, I tell ya. Lululemon. Um somebody I somebody mispronounced that the other day and it made me laugh so much because it was like, this deserves to be mispronounced. This is a ridiculous word.

SPEAKER_05 42:13

I don't I don't see any other way I would try to pronounce it.

SPEAKER_02 42:19

I think it was like Lululman. I don't know. They were I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 42:22

It was just it was it's probably like how you just tried to text me before we got on this car because I didn't have the opportunity to look at it. That was a real disaster.

SPEAKER_02 42:33

I was not. I was in a hurry and typoing all up and down. Anyway, good question. That's fun.

SPEAKER_06 42:39

Yeah, yeah. Yep. Well, our love for you all is not a typo.

SPEAKER_03 42:44

Mm-mm. It is true. It runs deep. It is forevermore.

SPEAKER_06 42:48

Share this episode with somebody you know could benefit from it. What other way is better to share a show about friendship than to share it with a friend? Uh anywhere you find a podcast, lift it up to the top. However, you do that, be it on YouTube and clicking a like or be it on your your podcast place and giving it the uh review. And a subscribe and all that good shit. You know, we're gonna get great at that. I think right now we're just working at being okay at life.

SPEAKER_02 43:18

We just we're just showing up, baby. That's what we're doing.

SPEAKER_06 43:22

Mm-hmm. So until next time, we'll catch you on the next episode of The Friend Lamb.

SPEAKER_02 43:28

The Friend Lamb. Eureka. Eureka.