HIND ABBY PART 1

In this episode, Abby (Frank Brandon) pitches us a wildly unbelievable script that is somehow based on a true story. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:34

Hello guys! Welcome, welcome to another episode of Oh.

SPEAKER_03 0:44

Hollywood is not dead. Dead Wow. Hi guys. Um, I'm gonna read the intro off my phone because I'm super unprofessional.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 0:56

I'm your host. I'm your host, Emily O'Bear, joined by my co-host, Lucia Mills. Yeah!

unknown 1:05

Woo!

SPEAKER_03 1:06

We're two broke out-of-work actresses pretending to be studio heads on a mission to save Hollywood. Hollywood. Hollywood. Each week we invite our friends to pitch their original movie ideas, and we decide whether to green light the project or pass. So sit back, relax, and have a laugh. Woo!

SPEAKER_02 1:28

Have a laugh. Is that your motto?

SPEAKER_03 1:31

Have a laugh. Have a laugh. Yeah, we kind of yeah, let's trademark it, right? Yeah. It's our we the free first people ever.

SPEAKER_01 1:39

Ever that used it. Ever on the even spoke of these words.

SPEAKER_03 1:43

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

It's actually incredible. It's incredible. Guys, uh, this is a very special episode. I feel like I say that every episode, but it is very special because we have a very special guest.

SPEAKER_03 2:02

This is, yeah, this is Abigail Neil. Abigail Neil is my roommate. Hey, Abby. That is her actually biggest TV credit, is that she's my roommate. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:15

Actually, I'm just gonna rub salt in the wall.

SPEAKER_03 2:17

Okay, no, no, no. I'm so kidding. Um, she worked with me, or we met at Second City Hollywood doing improv and sketch together. She's super funny. Um, she has been doing improv for years, sketch for years, and I'm gonna let her talk about herself for a few seconds. That was the most compliments, like in a row.

SPEAKER_01 2:37

Wait, can I before you say anything, can I um say how we met?

SPEAKER_02 2:41

Oh my god, please.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

Well, um, the three of us um um went to a show.

SPEAKER_02 2:46

Um The Dynasty typewriter.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Yes, and it was great. Yeah, and uh even before I could, you know, uh kiss the cheeks like Europeans do, I stepped on dog poop. She did. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:00

But did you because I feel like I looked down, I I know remember it in slow motion. Yeah, and you were laughing so hard. Yeah, I didn't know. And then I saw dog poop, and I said, no, and then you went and you were like, ah, and then did you end up stepping in?

SPEAKER_01 3:16

I stepped on it. Yeah, I it didn't it didn't really do anything because I guess it was kind of dry, but the way you were laughing, I was like, we're friends. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 3:26

It was crazy because you were trying to keep it. That's such a vulnerable spot for you to be at the very beginning, and um I think I like I I exhibited like friend qualities that you would want in that.

SPEAKER_01 3:38

Yeah, because you you did try to rescue me.

SPEAKER_02 3:40

I tried to rescue, but then I laughed at you when you did it. Yeah, yeah. And I just laughed.

SPEAKER_01 3:45

You just laughed. Yeah, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 3:46

I would never try to rescue it.

SPEAKER_02 3:47

Fun fact, I've also seen Emily step in dog shit. Can I curse? Yes. No, oh my god. Can I curse on this show?

SPEAKER_01 3:54

It seems please do not crazy.

SPEAKER_02 3:57

I saw Emily step in wet dog shit on the streets in her Air Force once. I've never done it. And then freak the fuck out. We uh went back and I said, just lightly like put it in your bathtub and we'll clean it later. She throws it so that it splatters everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

All over.

SPEAKER_02 4:17

Um, so it wasn't my first rodeo, you know?

SPEAKER_01 4:20

Yeah. Well, thank you for that. You know, so you were supposed to actually talk about yourself.

SPEAKER_03 4:24

Oh, about how I'm thinking we talked about dog shit the entire time.

SPEAKER_02 4:28

Yeah, you um, like number one recommended friend if you feel like you're gonna step in dog shit in the next like year. Like, I I'm there for you. Reach out to me.

SPEAKER_01 4:40

Good friend.

SPEAKER_02 4:41

My contact is on my socials.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

Yeah, we'll share that later. Yeah, yeah. Don't worry about it. Um but actually let's talk about um maybe uh projects that you're excited about or that you've been excited about, or whatever you want to talk about about yourself. Oh, about myself.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

Okay, great. Um what am I doing? What have I done? If you want to share um, no, I mean I met Emily at Second City, we've done UCB together, a lot of improv, a lot of chat.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

Shout out UCB.

SPEAKER_02 5:17

Yeah, and um I am just live, laugh, loving in Los Angeles. Um right now, I just wrapped um a project where I did uh like an like an 1800s character, 1900s character, I should know that. Um because I love that, yeah. And um it was like a period piece and it was super fun. So I'm just kind of seeing what rules where the rules take me these days.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

Well, we're very excited to see what's up. Um excited. We're excited, yes.

SPEAKER_03 5:47

Excited. Should we uh we should get to the pitch? Yeah, we should get to the pants. So for the next five minutes, we're gonna let you pitch here to us. We're gonna get into our studio head behavior real quick. Excuse us, give us a second.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

You guys know the drill by now. We look really perfect.

SPEAKER_02 6:03

And just to clarify, my outfit is a budding director, creative director.

SPEAKER_03 6:08

Right, exactly. You're trying to pitch your project.

SPEAKER_02 6:10

I'm trying to Amy Sherman Paladino. Okay, I love that.

SPEAKER_03 6:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

All right, let's see.

SPEAKER_03 6:16

The fingerless gloves are really giving.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:18

Yeah, I think.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

I want to say the outfit is absolutely uh stunning. Stunning.

SPEAKER_03 6:23

So for the next five minutes, you'll pitch to us, we'll listen, and then we're gonna ask our questions at the end. Try not to get intimidated.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

Uh hard. It's really hard. I mean, look at my hair. Hello.

SPEAKER_03 6:33

Look at these two. Hello. Look at my hair.

SPEAKER_01 6:38

We see it.

SPEAKER_03 6:40

Look at these two. That's gorgeous, but it's fine. We'll move on. We'll talk about it later at the happy hour. Yeah. Anyways, go and go. And go.

SPEAKER_02 6:51

Um okay. So for this project, I was actually super excited because this is gonna draw on my lived experience as a human. Um there's you're gonna find as um, you know, people who know me, that you'll see a lot of overlap. But, anyways, the name of this project is The Girl at the Bottom of the Lake.

unknown 7:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

So already I actually the title, I'm not gonna comment yet.

SPEAKER_03 7:25

Yeah, we said we said, What should we pop the champagne now?

SPEAKER_02 7:34

Ah, please. You guys know the rules. How about the champagne? I actually don't know the rules.

SPEAKER_03 7:39

Do you get the champagne if you if we pat, if we if we bring light it? If we don't, right.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

Uh, you have to watch us drink champagne and literally finish the mall.

SPEAKER_03 7:48

We just do open it for you to drink alcohol.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

Um that would be nice, but uh we don't want to even touch it. All right, keep going.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

Okay. So this is the story of Brenda. Brenda is our protagonist. She is a 10-year-old girl going to Camp Winnebago in the deep forest of humid, disgusting 95 degree North Carolina woods. Oh, right.

SPEAKER_04 8:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:17

Right. Right, right. So she is living that camper girl life. Every year is new, it's different. She's kayaking, she's archering, she is, you know, doing the zip line every so.

SPEAKER_01 8:29

Oh, she's adventurous.

SPEAKER_02 8:30

It's adventurous, but it's also like gross. These North Carolina humidities just I can say that because I was from there. Um, anyways, Brenda goes to camp every year, right? And she has a lot of friends, and she's so excited because this year, this year, she is a woman. And how does she know that?

SPEAKER_00 8:52

Picker.

SPEAKER_03 8:53

Right.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

Blah, blah, blah, clean out.

SPEAKER_03 8:58

If you're a woman, if you're a man, don't watch. Don't watch.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

You don't understand. You don't care. You don't understand. I don't care about my fine royalty.

SPEAKER_02 9:08

But I love that we're already on the same wavelength. Like, you're just picking up what I'm putting on.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

Oh, she's trying to, guys, are you seeing this? She's trying to give me on her side, but I won't give up. Go ahead. There we go.

SPEAKER_02 9:20

So Brenda is becoming a woman because she got her. We've all been there. Um, so Brenda's like this year, the uh counselor. So he he was a once a camper, now he's a counselor in training. Dan is going to notice Brenda for the first time. She's sure of it. She knows that all the other years she just hadn't like given the energy of like woman, and like this year she's going to and she's gonna have a boyfriend, Dan.

SPEAKER_01 9:53

Okay, and Dan is the counselor.

SPEAKER_03 9:56

Dan is can we clarify if Dan is under the age of age?

SPEAKER_02 10:00

Right, because this is yes, so it's it's first of all, don't get scared.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

I'm so scared.

SPEAKER_02 10:09

Don't get scared. I'm not gonna like I'm going to like put a preface like this isn't like Rish Pizza, it's never going to happen. Okay, good. I don't want to look at it. It's never gonna happen. And also, Dan is 70. Okay, great. So like it's and it's very one-sided, right? Okay. So like Dan's like doesn't care. Dan doesn't know who Brenda is.

SPEAKER_01 10:29

Guys, my upper lip are sweating. Sweaty.

SPEAKER_02 10:33

Wow, he's like, could care less who this 10-year-old is. Right, good. But you know, we've all had a crush on account during drinking. For sure. Of course. Okay. So in in cut two a few weeks into camp session, right? So there's this game called Sharks and Minnows. Do you guys know what that is? No. Yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:55

No, it wasn't boring.

SPEAKER_02 10:57

So sharks and minnows is like there's a big field. There's two people who are the sharks. Everyone else is the minnows, and every round the minnows go from one side to the other, and the sharks tack them out. Sharks kill them out. Got it, got it, got it.

SPEAKER_04 11:13

Okay, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:14

So many rounds go of this game, and it's a really extreme. And Brenda gets to the last round, and then she's gonna cross the field. And Dan body checks her like freaking again, don't get freaked out. Like in an intense thing, in an intense 17-year-old boy kind of way, he's just like punches her down. Oh my god. Oh my god. I know. Dan is like intense, kind of. Like, whoa. Yeah, that's wild. Kinda.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

He's intense.

SPEAKER_02 11:49

But he's just worse. You know, he's like every 17-year-old guy who just like takes it so seriously. And he ends up breaking like Brenda's arm. Oh my god. Continue.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 12:06

Like, isn't this crazy?

SPEAKER_00 12:07

I'm gonna take a moment to break for our listeners. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 12:13

I like I'm at the end of this, we're gonna say how much of this was my lived experience. Yeah, because yeah, I was like, this better uh, anyways, continue. Anyways, so Dan breaks Brenda's arm, this 10-year-old girl's arm. He's really popular though, and hot, and she's just like it's okay, it's okay. Wow. Um so not okay. But um, anyways, she has a hairline fracture. She's uh in terms of like Olympics, it's like going to the Olympics every summer for summer camp and then breaking your arm, having an injury like that. Like it checks you out of everything. You can't do arts and crafts, you only got one arm, like it's the wrong arm.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

You're not is it at the beginning, middle, or at the end of camp?

SPEAKER_02 13:01

We're early on in camp season. Oh god, god we're early on. Oh my god, she's she's like she's it's it's it's bad news for Brenda. Um, so, anyways, every day campers go to the lake, the local lake, um, and they swim. And it's 95 degrees in North Carolina summer. Um, and the water is warm and murky and brown and green, and there's mold on the deck, and it's just um, but it still is better to be in the lake than be outside of it because even though it's warm water, it's like a little bit of a relief, right? So Brenda's watching all of her friends kind of like have fun, splash around. She's in a cast, she's sitting on the deck hating her life, right? Because this can't discouncil her ruined her life, basically. But she's okay because it's Dan.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

It's Dan. It's Dan.

SPEAKER_02 14:02

It's Dan. Um, but he feels bad. Like, or at least sorry, I got a hair in my cut. Um okay. He feels bad. And and so the cut to scene where the kids are in the water, they're telling an urban legend about this girl that died 50 years ago, and her body sunk to the bottom of the lake, and uh she catch her dead body now, pulls the legs of campers down and murders them. So everyone's talking about this legend.

SPEAKER_01 14:37

You no, no, you just come back. I was not expecting the twist. Keep going, please.

SPEAKER_02 14:43

I mean, the twist is like this is just like a fun little like legend that's so fun, yeah. Yeah, it's so fun. It's like a fun, cute legend. You just get like dragged down by the foot, and everyone's like bobbing up and down, pretending like that they're gonna girls, yes, the girls dragging them, right? So they're having so much fun. Counselor, what is it? So this is why I hate kids. Okay, yeah. I mean, well, that's why should I go on?

SPEAKER_01 15:09

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please continue.

SPEAKER_02 15:11

I was living in the moment. I was living in the moment. I chose a kid's story, and nothing. No, that's not it.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

Um, yeah, continue. I'm actually enjoying this. Are you enjoying it?

SPEAKER_03 15:24

No, I'm having such a good time. Continue.

SPEAKER_02 15:28

Okay, so um, so these kids are telling a story. Brenda's on the deck hating her life, and Dan is just looking on, like, oh my gosh, what have I done? So later on that night, Dan goes on eBay and he's like, There's a way to fix this. I'm gonna purchase a flipper for Brenda. And um, for those of you who don't know what a flipper is, um, I can tell by your faces, even through your glasses, I can tell. Um, a flipper is a like plastic thing that goes over your cast and then you suction out the air, and then you can swim.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 16:10

So it's like a nice little Yeah, like a little, okay. Hey, I'm sorry I broke your arm.

SPEAKER_01 16:16

Here's a flipper. It's interesting because I'm gonna interject. Yeah, this whole time I was thinking, when does Brenda get uh care for her arm?

SPEAKER_02 16:25

Get a what? No care. No, no, she hasn't, she got care, right?

SPEAKER_01 16:29

Uh it's just never mentioned, you know. Right, right. But I this whole time I was thinking that she was just like clapping her arm about.

SPEAKER_02 16:39

I'm glad that she never went home.

SPEAKER_01 16:41

Yeah, yeah, you know. Well, I'm glad I'm glad.

SPEAKER_02 16:44

We're glad that she has healthcare, yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 16:47

Because not everybody does, not everyone does, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:50

Um Brenda was able to get a cast, thank God, but um the greater issue was that she couldn't Right.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

And the in the curse uh North, right?

SPEAKER_02 17:00

North Carolina, North Carolina, yeah. Uh so Dan gets her a rubber flipper, and she's excited, she gets into the water. She's like, Dan, my biggest crush in the whole wide world, Dan got me a flipper, he cares about me, he loves me, he's hot. Um, and like in her 10-year-old's mind, she's like, Oh, it's a go. Like, um, so later on the day, the the day is setting and everyone's getting out of the water, and Brenda is nowhere to be found. Oh. Um, which is a little bit of a whoa, oh my god, whoa. So, what do you guys think happened to Brenda?

SPEAKER_01 17:43

Well, obviously that's oh that bitch off. The spirit dragged her down for sure.

SPEAKER_02 17:51

The spirit dragged her down, or like, did she run away with Dan?

SPEAKER_01 17:56

No, I hope not.

SPEAKER_03 17:58

Like, that is combating the story.

SPEAKER_02 18:01

This is not the girl's pizza I promise.

SPEAKER_03 18:03

No, no, no. Dan is literally Dan? I'm sorry, I don't like it.

unknown 18:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:08

Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 18:08

Uh Dan. Everything about it. No, but Dan is hot, Dan is cool. Then is the hot dog? Dan is the biggest. I'm assuming that's the end of the story. Anyways. Oh, that's the end of the story. No, it's not. It would not be. Oh, continue.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 18:23

She wants this to be over. She wants this to be over already. Like, how dare!

SPEAKER_01 18:30

Yeah, she's stressed out.

SPEAKER_03 18:33

Just if we look at my notes right now, I've gone through like a small thing. It's a funny wearing sunglasses so much. Yeah, it's rude. No, no, no, please come see it. So that's actually not how that's actually not how you talk to the CEO of this studio. Um, not helping it's not helping your kids. Studio is not meant for kids. The inception.

SPEAKER_01 18:56

Um, this is this is hard for me because I'm always in between them, and this is every week. This happens every week. Um, but uh, I just want to I I just yes, thank God uh is on camera. See uh listen for me. I just want to say that she wants it to be over just because Dan is so problematic. The story is great, Dan is problematic.

SPEAKER_02 19:21

Continue, please. Okay, but Dan is like Dan has a 12-pack. Okay, you don't have to bend the hot Dan.

SPEAKER_03 19:28

Dan, this is ridiculous. I will literally call the police, Abigail, if you don't continue this fucking story.

SPEAKER_02 19:35

Okay, okay. Anyways, so um so Dan is like, oh my god, what like we're out of Dan, sorry. Can I tell him the story?

SPEAKER_03 19:52

Yeah, please. Okay, sorry.

SPEAKER_01 19:55

We're friends, and we have to like be gentle about the fact that Dan is problematic. She can't reckon with the fact that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_02 20:02

But I'm talking about a 10-year-old's brain.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 20:06

Because we're we're seeing because you're a great we're seeing POV through.

SPEAKER_01 20:09

Yes, and you're a great uh writer. Please. Yeah, no, it's been great so far. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 20:13

Such a good time, even though you want to leave through. But um, okay, so her family is distraught. Brenda's family comes to pick her up. No, Brenda, what the hey? What the hey? Um, and so, and they can't, they they're looking the the entire North Carolina police task force looking for this little girl. Looking for this little girl, right? Like it becomes like a huge national story, it's like a whole big deal. Um, Dan is obviously, you're right, like looked at because A, he broke her arm day like a few days earlier.

SPEAKER_01 20:47

Fucking finally.

SPEAKER_02 20:48

And then he gave her a flipper to go into the lake, which like she wouldn't have even been in the lake had it not been for him. So it's kind of like, so he's like, the the heat is on Dan right now. The heat is on Dan.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

Can I can interject?

SPEAKER_02 21:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

The heat could have been also on the parents that didn't come and pick her up before when she broke her fucking arm.

SPEAKER_02 21:11

Okay, I think that I should clarify. They did break, they did, they did wake. They broke her other arm. She now has And they finally showed up.

SPEAKER_01 21:22

And they finally showed up.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

They did pick her up. Okay, they did take her to get medical attention.

SPEAKER_01 21:27

And then they brought her back to camp.

SPEAKER_02 21:28

Then they brought her back to camp because she loves kids.

SPEAKER_03 21:31

Perfect, yeah. They said, I'm sorry, running shot. Why?

SPEAKER_02 21:36

You break your arm at camp and you can't go back to camp.

SPEAKER_03 21:39

Oh, we forgot this is based on her real life. So we're now touching on some personal questions. Why? Sorry, Abby's mom. I think that your decisions are really great. So when she has to sit at home for the rest of the summer, just because she broke her arm.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

And forgive me. And you know what? Uh, time away from your kids, I would want that. I don't have any kids, and that's why, because I would want time away. Away from that. Anyways, go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 22:02

I don't see it. Okay, so sorry. Go ahead. Brenda, I mean Gabby.

SPEAKER_02 22:05

Okay, it's become continue the story. It's become a national headline.

SPEAKER_04 22:12

Right.

SPEAKER_02 22:13

Dan is being looked at. Um, so Dan is like, shit, the heat is on me. Literally, I just wanted to be a counselor this year. Like, I wanted to like date this other girl, Tina, who's also counselor and also my age appropriate. And like, I didn't want anything to do with this 10-year-old girl. Like, what? And uh, and he's like, I but everyone thinks I'm like a part of this, and I I have to go and find, I have to at least like go and try to find Brenda, Brenda's body or whatever. So he takes it upon himself to go to Dick's Sporting Goods and purchase a um a one of those like air tanks. So like scuba gear. Scuba gear. So the 17-year-old shows up and he purchases.

SPEAKER_03 23:02

I'm so glad I have glasses on right now. My eyes, my eyes are crossed. My eyes are crossed, by the way. Uh they're crossed. I just pulled glue out of my hair. Yeah, this is my real hair.

SPEAKER_01 23:12

I don't know if I'm laughing because the story is insane or because of Abby insane. Continue. Abby insane.

SPEAKER_03 23:20

Okay, okay, continue.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

This is more than five.