Funny Medical Notes

Today we’re going to read real, yes, completely real things that doctors, nurses, and medical staff have written in official patient records. These are all real. Every single one.

https://www.aol.com/articles/mohawk-little-flat-today-31-035202922.html

https://www.medindia.net/jokes/viewjokes.asp?hid=272

https://nurseslabs.com/26-funniest-charting-errors-found-on-actual-patients-medical-charts/#google_vignette

https://www.hcplive.com/view/the-best-of-medical-chart-errors

https://opmed.doximity.com/articles/the-best-typos-i-ve-seen-in-the-ehr

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:14

Welcome to the Cashley Show. We are Kevin and Ashley.

SPEAKER_03 0:17

Hello there.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

We started this podcast after recent tragedies to take a break from negativity and discover the good news happening all around us. Today we are talking about funny medical notes.

SPEAKER_03 0:29

So these just be notes the like doctors or whatever wrote down while they okay. I guess as long as you don't have like someone's name or whatever attached to them, then they're not name.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

Today we're going to read real, yes, completely real things that doctors, nurses, and medical staff have written in official patient records. These aren't rumors or jokes. These are actual documented legally binding entries that ended up in medical charts for real people. We'll dive into baffling and sometimes terrifying world of medical documentation. Because somewhere between the Latin terms and the clinical detachment, doctors can be just as confused as the rest of us.

SPEAKER_03 1:08

Yeah, I'm not sure what to expect with these notes. Like what they wrote, what they and so they're writing these in people's charts. Like can they see them? Is like the chart at like the end of your bed? It's been a long time since I've been in a hospital, like as a patient or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 1:21

So I can log in and see all the notes the doctor wrote. Okay. Just online. Yeah, the OB wrote on my medical chart stuff. I don't know. So I don't know if everyone does that, but at least one place I've gone to has done that. Okay. But also, where do you get these from? Someone just saw it and then wrote it on the internet because it was funny.

SPEAKER_03 1:43

Yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

So grab your stethoscope or don't. We're not your doctor. First one is patient's chin cannot touch the table.

SPEAKER_03 1:52

Okay, so is there any more context to this?

SPEAKER_00 1:55

No. You only get quotes of what was written. That's it. That was the most like vague, I think. Next one is the patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

SPEAKER_03 2:12

Uh that's insignificant? Man. What other stuff is that doctor seeing?

SPEAKER_00 2:18

That is a lot of weight in three days.

SPEAKER_03 2:21

That's gotta be a typo, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:23

Like Yeah, maybe it's supposed to be like three years or even still 40 pounds in three years is Yeah, it depends on some solid mass. Like yeah, but like if you're like a pound a month, a bodybuilder or something, it's probably not. Yeah. It's all muscle.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

All right.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

All right, next is cultivating mass is what they say. Next one is it should be noted that there is no noticeable difference in temperature between the legs. Good.

SPEAKER_03 2:52

I wonder if that was a problem they were having. My left leg's hotter than my right leg.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

All right. Next one is the patient left the hospital feeling much better, except for her original complaints.

SPEAKER_03 3:07

So all the stuff she came in with is still there.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

But she's feeling okay besides that.

SPEAKER_03 3:11

She's feeling better about them. She came in really upset about them. Now she's not that upset.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

She knows there's nothing we can do for her.

SPEAKER_03 3:18

She still has legs with different temperatures, but she's not that upset about it anymore.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

Next one is patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

SPEAKER_03 3:29

For over a year?

SPEAKER_00 3:30

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:31

I wonder how many these are like typos. For over a year. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:36

Yeah, they could be. Or maybe like when people wrote, like physically wrote stuff, people couldn't read it.

SPEAKER_03 3:42

And didn't understand what they usually wrote. Yeah, they just put in something. And the people transcribing the notes are like, yeah, I guess that makes sense. Yeah. A year. Or I wonder if it was like, like, you know, when I lay on my left side, like I my chest hurts. So how long have you been laying on your left side? Like a year. Right? Like, not okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:02

Because I sleep like this with my arm tucked underneath, so my chest hurts.

SPEAKER_03 4:05

No, my chest hurts.

SPEAKER_00 4:06

Let's stop doing that. The next one is she stated she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got divorced.

SPEAKER_03 4:18

This is a divorce joke.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

We have the constipation problems. Maybe just get divorced. Don't really. Don't we do that? Next one is healthy. Doesn't have any commas, so healthy appearing decrepit, 69-year-old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.

SPEAKER_03 4:37

Healthy appearing decrepit?

SPEAKER_00 4:39

Yeah, there's no commas. So healthy appearing decrepit. I don't understand what that is. Maybe like healthy, it's supposed to be comma. Healthy, comma, appearing decrepit.

SPEAKER_03 4:49

So they look decrepit, but are actually healthy.

SPEAKER_00 4:51

Yeah.

unknown 4:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Mentally alert but forgetful. She's not mentally alert.

SPEAKER_03 4:59

So he knows what's going on right now. But not a little bit ago. Yeah. Because he's decrepit.

SPEAKER_00 5:05

Or remembers when they were younger, but can't remember anything. She is numb from her toes down.

SPEAKER_03 5:12

Well, that's good news.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

So she's not numb? Unless she's upside down.

SPEAKER_03 5:16

Maybe she's upside down.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

Maybe then she's in trouble. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 5:20

That's the whole body.

SPEAKER_00 5:21

Maybe don't be upside down. You won't be numb.

SPEAKER_03 5:24

From her toes down. I'm just trying to think of what they mean in these un like in these situations.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

Toes pointed? Yeah. How is it toes down?

SPEAKER_03 5:33

Like if your foot up, if you're if you're laying on your back and your toes are pointed up, maybe they mean like that. Like from your toes to your heel. Like the like your whole foot. Maybe just say the toes down.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

Toes down. Next one is septic arthritis of the right food.

SPEAKER_03 5:52

I accept that one.

SPEAKER_00 5:53

Food.

SPEAKER_03 5:54

Totally seems fine.

SPEAKER_00 5:55

Gap septic arthritis of food. Next one is patient has two teenage sons, but no other abnormal abnormaldies.

SPEAKER_03 6:05

Since she got divorced in 1989.

SPEAKER_00 6:08

Now she just has these sons. Makes her life abnormal.

SPEAKER_03 6:12

It's funny the doctors are writing down their like these obviously patients like being silly, right? And doctors just like writing it down.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 6:21

Maybe that's like a psychiatrist. Could be. She'd be fine if she didn't have these two teenaged sons. Next one is bilateral, lower lobe obesities.

SPEAKER_03 6:35

Bilateral. So on both sides? Lower lobe.

SPEAKER_00 6:39

Lobe of what?

SPEAKER_03 6:40

Yeah, low lower lobe.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

Yeah, I don't know what that means.

SPEAKER_03 6:43

Lower lobe. It's kind of fun to say. Lower lobe. And what was the rest of it? Bilateral, lower lobe?

SPEAKER_00 6:49

Obesities. So I put lower lobe and it just came up with the one of two lobes in the left lung. Bilateral lower lobe pneumonia is a condition where both lower lobes of the lungs are inflamed, often due to infection. So maybe they had pneumonia, but they put obesity. I don't know. Next is evaluate for fluid in pants.

SPEAKER_03 7:17

Well, yep. Sometimes sometimes you pee your pants, you know?

SPEAKER_00 7:22

Who does the?

SPEAKER_03 7:24

And they went to the doctor. So now they have notes to evaluate them.

SPEAKER_00 7:28

Next one. The patient's feces has the same color as the doors on the 19th floor.

SPEAKER_03 7:35

What? That is so contextually specific.

SPEAKER_00 7:40

I'm sure the lab knows the colors of the 19th floor doors.

SPEAKER_03 7:45

That's like an actual color at that hospital. Everyone knows that color. 19th floor door.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

Unless you outsourced it to another place and they don't know that color.

SPEAKER_03 7:54

Hopefully they have a 19th floor so they can go look.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

Maybe it's the lab that sent that.

SPEAKER_03 7:58

Because the lab's on the 19th floor.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

Give it to a nurse and they deal with it.

SPEAKER_03 8:03

And they take it to the lab. Yeah. I would uh I just always think of the labs being down in the basement. I don't know why.

SPEAKER_00 8:09

I don't know where labs are.

SPEAKER_03 8:11

Me either. I'm they're in the basement.

SPEAKER_00 8:13

Yeah, maybe.

SPEAKER_03 8:14

That's just what I think.

SPEAKER_00 8:15

Probably the bottom level. Most hospitals I know of don't have basements.

SPEAKER_03 8:19

Because they have labs.

SPEAKER_00 8:21

There's hidden secrets down there. Next is patient is wearing Georgia Bulldog onesie despite being in Tennessee. We'll follow up with bedside staff to correct this oversight.

SPEAKER_03 8:36

I like that. A onesie.

SPEAKER_00 8:39

I mean I guess you could put being in Tennessee.

SPEAKER_03 8:41

Yeah. But I was just thinking like an adult wearing a onesie. Yeah, I guess it could be a kid. Yeah. But I'm just I'm imagining an adult coming in and a onesie.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

Girls have those one little jumpers or whatever? Bodysuit.

SPEAKER_03 8:53

I don't know. I don't stay up to date on my female swim apparel.

SPEAKER_00 8:57

It's not swim. Like they wear it underneath their clothes.

SPEAKER_03 9:01

Why?

SPEAKER_00 9:01

I don't know. It seems uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_03 9:03

Is this like the thing that Beyonce wore in all the single ladies?

SPEAKER_00 9:07

I don't remember that video.

unknown 9:09

Shh.

SPEAKER_03 9:09

Pull it up. Let's watch it.

SPEAKER_00 9:12

How do single ladies? We we have we have more to go.

SPEAKER_03 9:15

Well, let's watch the SNL version then, at least. Right now? That's funny.

SPEAKER_00 9:20

Huh?

SPEAKER_03 9:20

You don't have to.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

Alright. Next one. On the second day, the knee was better. On the third day, it disappeared.

SPEAKER_03 9:27

Whoop. Like the knee got so good that it just was like, I don't need the rest of this body and left. On my own.

SPEAKER_00 9:34

It was like the urinal picture. Gone from the knees down.

SPEAKER_03 9:38

Disappeared. Can they do a knee replacement surgery if there's not a knee?

SPEAKER_00 9:42

Yeah, you just wear one of those little legs down there.

SPEAKER_03 9:45

The blade legs?

SPEAKER_00 9:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:47

Or I've seen people run on those. They're super fast.

SPEAKER_00 9:50

Next one. Patient is his usual obese self. Lives with his girlfriend of 26 years, whose name he cannot recall.

SPEAKER_03 9:58

Not that good of a girlfriend, huh?

SPEAKER_00 10:00

Maybe he's old. Like, how do you not know the name of your girlfriend you've lived with for 26 years?

SPEAKER_03 10:06

It's like a roommate at that point, right?

SPEAKER_00 10:08

He's gotta be old, right? I can't remember.

SPEAKER_03 10:11

His girlfriend's only 26 years old.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

Well, I hope she's more than 26 years old. She's been living there for 26 years old.

SPEAKER_03 10:17

I said right there. It said girlfriend of 26 years. His girlfriend is 26 years, right? She's 26 years old.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

Girlfriend of 26 years.

SPEAKER_03 10:24

Yeah, she she has 26 years. She's 26 years old now. She has 26 years. She's of 26 years.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

She's got 26 years under her belt.

SPEAKER_03 10:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 10:36

Next one is cough with flame.

SPEAKER_03 10:39

A dragon? I want to be a dragon, doctor.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

You just want to be a dragon.

SPEAKER_03 10:45

No. I don't know. Yeah. You can fly.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

Alright, next one. Some of these don't make sense. For most of them don't make sense. Well, yeah, but like for an order for vitamin C. This be treatment for scurvy.

SPEAKER_03 10:58

He's a pirate doctor. The way he talks and treating scurvy, definitely a pirate doctor. Those are notes they found from the Caribbean in the 1700s, 1600s, whenever piracy was.

SPEAKER_00 11:12

How do you know what vitamin C was?

SPEAKER_03 11:14

Well, I think they knew that if you ate citrus fruit, right? Like lemons. I think they were taking lemons with them on the boats because they figured out the I don't know if they knew what vitamin C was, yeah, but they knew that when you ate citrus fruits like lemons, limes, oranges, and stuff, you didn't get scurvy. And I imagine lemons were the cheapest because nobody eats a lemon.

SPEAKER_00 11:36

Gotta have gotta have sugar with it.

SPEAKER_03 11:38

Yeah. That is yuck. So they just took lemons, I think, and just like because you don't need very much to keep scurvy at bay. That's why it's not a problem in modern times. I don't know. I actually have no idea what scurvy is. You could look it up. Just it's not really a disease we battle with these days.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

Scurvy is a disease caused by low levels of vitamin C over a period of two to three months. It was common in the past among long-distance sailors because they didn't have fruits. Scurvy is still seen. Symptoms of scurvy, feeling irritable and sad all the time. You mean depression? Yes.

SPEAKER_03 12:12

I'm in the 1500s and I'm on a boat and I'm eating salted fish for months.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

There's more. Oh joint, muscle, or leg pain, swollen, bleeding gums. Sometimes teeth can fall out. Oh dang. It's probably from eating your lemons. Starting to not brushing your teeth. No.

SPEAKER_03 12:27

Lemon not eating lemons cures that.

SPEAKER_00 12:31

Developing red or blue spots on the skin, usually on the legs and feet.

SPEAKER_03 12:36

Hmm. Red and blue. I want to look it up. Do you have pictures of it?

SPEAKER_00 12:39

What the heck is wrong with this guy's teeth?

SPEAKER_03 12:41

He got scurvy.

SPEAKER_00 12:45

I don't know what that is.

SPEAKER_03 12:46

That's looking rough.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

This one just has bleeding gums.

SPEAKER_03 12:49

This well, no wonder they feel irritable.

SPEAKER_00 12:51

Red spots. Oh, this one was like the blue and red spots. That's like scappy.

SPEAKER_03 12:56

Yeah, that's more like pox of some kind. Right. I was thinking more like I don't know, like bruises type stuff. Red and blue.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

Alright, next. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

SPEAKER_03 13:11

That's a long ways. Hopefully that glove goes to your elbow.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

I don't think he's checking your thyroid.

SPEAKER_03 13:17

Rectal exam? Normal thyroid.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

Reason. Next one is reason for visit section. I'm allergic to circles.

SPEAKER_03 13:27

What are their symptoms? How do you know anything?

SPEAKER_00 13:30

When I see a circle, it makes me itchy. Or maybe I have circles on me.

SPEAKER_03 13:35

Red and blue ones?

SPEAKER_00 13:36

And they're itchy.

SPEAKER_03 13:37

Eat this lemon.

SPEAKER_00 13:38

I'm allergic to them because they're circles.

SPEAKER_03 13:40

Yeah, that makes sense. Totally makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

Chicken pox on me. I'm allergic to them. Alright, next. Skin. Somewhat pale, but present. But present.

SPEAKER_03 13:52

Way to really look on the bright side there. Well, at least you got skin.

SPEAKER_00 13:57

Maybe uh get some vitamin D might help. Next one. Patient appears way older than biological age.

SPEAKER_03 14:04

That's just mean. That's rude.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

Yeah. That might be from some heavy drinking and smoking and skin and sun exposure.

SPEAKER_03 14:10

What was the other one? The but like decrepit, healthy, but appears decrepit. I guess this is maybe nicer than that way.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

The next one. The skin was moist and dry.

SPEAKER_03 14:25

That was yucky and confusing.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

They're really good at putting lotion on their legs and nowhere else. Maybe I don't know. Moist and dry.

SPEAKER_02 14:36

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

Like baby oil. Maybe baby oil, because that would be baby moist. Greasy. Did you say baby moist? Baby oil? Did I say baby moist? I thought you did. I don't know what I said. Next one. The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

SPEAKER_03 14:53

Uneventfully. How did they get on the floor?

SPEAKER_00 14:56

They just slowly helped themselves down.

SPEAKER_03 14:58

They're just like, I'm I'm going, guys. I'm gone. Here I go. Well, that was uneventful.

SPEAKER_00 15:07

The next one. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

SPEAKER_03 15:12

This is like that Oxymoron episode we did. Like, you can't just throw all these words together.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

The next one. She fainted. Her eyes rolled around the room. Just fell out of her head. Rolled around. Just let him go. Next one. Patient was alert and unresponsive. So they're a zombie.

SPEAKER_03 15:37

Alert, yeah, unresponsive. So like comatose? Is that what that would be? I don't know. Like you're alert, so I'm looking at you, but like you poke me with the needles and stuff, and I don't respond.

SPEAKER_00 15:47

Maybe they're paralyzed, so they can't respond to you poking them.

SPEAKER_03 15:51

It's a lot of words to mean paralyzed.

SPEAKER_00 15:54

Next one. Patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in daycare three times a week.

SPEAKER_03 16:02

He's got a turtle in daycare?

SPEAKER_00 16:04

I think it's a kid, but the patient is the child.

SPEAKER_03 16:08

Oh. Mm-hmm. You get turtle care.

SPEAKER_00 16:11

Turtle daycare. Be pretty easy. That's gonna be I don't know. You want your turtles an unnecessary expense.

SPEAKER_03 16:17

You want him to socialize with other turtles? They're just stuck in their little, what do they call that little habitat that they're in, not a terrarium? Aquarium?

SPEAKER_00 16:24

I think the turtle would be okay there all day.

SPEAKER_03 16:26

At daycare? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:27

Save some money. Because he's got all these other turtles. In his in his little home at his house. No, but it's so sad and lonely. Yeah. Maybe you should have adopted him. Left him with his turtle friends.

SPEAKER_03 16:37

That's why you take him to daycare. To turtle care. Then you got a happy turtle when you go home. Eat some lettuce. It's good life.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

It's good life. Next one. The patient gets hives from strawberries and shrimps and also two of her children. You kids, you gave me hives again.

SPEAKER_03 16:57

Again.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

Allergic to you.

SPEAKER_03 17:00

But at least she's not allergic to circles.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

That's true. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983. You're the cause of this psychiatrist.

SPEAKER_03 17:11

Right. Tell you, man, nothing's wrong with you until you go to the doctor. They discover all sorts of stuff.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

That's true. Next one, patient has no past history of suicides.

SPEAKER_02 17:24

Well, that's good.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

Probably your patient then. The next one, the patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed. I don't know if he lived or not.

SPEAKER_03 17:42

Cause of death. Like they didn't know Sean, right? Airplane crash.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

He was healthy, so it wasn't that.

SPEAKER_03 17:47

Right. He was healthy, but then he crashed and died. Maybe because it was like an insurance claim or something.

SPEAKER_00 17:54

No, maybe.

SPEAKER_03 17:54

So they needed to know that he didn't have like a heart attack. Like in the book Hatchet? Yeah. Yeah, Hatchet. That pilot has a heart attack and then crashes. So they needed to say he was healthy until he smashed into the ground.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

Yeah. He had a left toe amputation one month ago. He also had a left knee amputation last year.

SPEAKER_03 18:15

This is that guy whose knee was missing. Totally healthy, gone. They just attach it. You just got one big long leg that don't don't bend.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

Just like how do you how do you amputate a knee on one on left leg and then amputate the toe a month later or a year later?

SPEAKER_03 18:33

Yeah. Because they sewed it back together. It's like, was that King of the Hill? His dad? He had his knees blown off or something like that. Or his shins. Something like that. Blown off a Nom. And they just sewed him back up. So he's like short. And he walks like his can't bend. Yeah. I think his knees or something were blown off. So they sewed his shins onto his thighs or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 18:52

I'd forgotten about his dad until you said that. That's funny. Next one. Acute pain related to witchcraft.

SPEAKER_03 19:02

Is a cute one word or two? Is it like that's acute pain?

SPEAKER_00 19:05

It's one. Girl, you got cute pains because of that wastecraft. Next one is bowel incontinence related to shyness. Remember the shyness is because of the incontinence.

SPEAKER_03 19:17

What does that word mean?

SPEAKER_00 19:18

You can't hold in your okay.

SPEAKER_03 19:20

That's what I thought it meant.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

So you're probably shy because you pee your pants.

SPEAKER_03 19:24

Right, that's like so that's a circular reference.

SPEAKER_00 19:27

Like the shyness. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:31

Yeah, I think I would be pretty shy too. And then when someone did show up, then I would, you know, have that problem. And then that would make me more shy.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

It's like our dog we used to have.

SPEAKER_03 19:40

Oh yeah, strawberry. She would pee all the time happy, excited, yelled at, just stop peeing!

SPEAKER_00 19:49

She peeps even more.

SPEAKER_03 19:50

Stop, stop. You'd have to just play it off cool. Like she's peeing on the carpet right now, and you'd be like, no big deal. And then she would stop. But yeah, if you reacted at all, she was she was a rescue. Little dog. She had maybe not the best start at life.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

I'm sure she didn't. Next one. Insomnia related to computer games.

SPEAKER_03 20:12

Jump in there.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

Yeah, you have.

SPEAKER_03 20:14

Many a times. Just playing and like, it's 4 a.m.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

What?

SPEAKER_03 20:20

Where did the where did the time go? Well, it's too late to go to bed. I'll just keep playing.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

Just stay up all day. Next one. Advise patient to take a bath.

SPEAKER_03 20:30

Ooh. When your doctor has to tell you to take a bath, it has been way too long.

SPEAKER_00 20:36

Went to the high school one day to check out our one of our kids. I walked in, it's like, oh my gosh. I said, Does anyone use deodorant at your school? Because wow. It stinks. No? Like, what is wrong with you kids?

SPEAKER_03 20:53

All natural.

SPEAKER_00 20:54

Put deodorant on.

SPEAKER_03 20:55

They're going back.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

How do those teachers handle that all day?

SPEAKER_03 20:58

They're trying to be every generation tries to be different than their parents.

SPEAKER_00 21:02

So true. I don't understand though. You don't have to go the complete opposite, just slightly different.

SPEAKER_03 21:07

They need to be themselves. So if you wear deodorant, if you stopped wearing deodorant, your children would start wearing deodorant.

SPEAKER_00 21:13

I wonder if I didn't wear deodorant and didn't shower for a few days and got really stinky. Yeah. And went to be like, oh, let's pick up your friends. See if they would care. The middle one would for sure care. The other two, I don't think they would even notice. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 21:30

Your husband would care.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

Maybe I'll do it if you're out of town sometime.

SPEAKER_03 21:36

Okay, that sounds bad. Like I want to support you. I want to be there for you, but you stink and you go for I'll be here for you, but you don't be there for me. You go somewhere else.

SPEAKER_00 21:48

Next one is patient experiences frequent nausea and vomiting and should therefore be wearing a small diaper at night.

SPEAKER_03 21:55

Hmm. Yeah, I've misunderstood diapers this whole time. Sorry, children.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

Put it over your mouth? Like the food cage one. I don't remember what it was called. Alright, next. Patient refused an autopsy.

SPEAKER_03 22:11

Good on them.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

Do you say that before you die? I don't want an autopsy.

SPEAKER_03 22:17

I was just thinking that they woke up. They were not dead.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

I don't know. It doesn't say that.

SPEAKER_03 22:22

Please do not cut me open.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

The discharge status. Alive but without permission.

SPEAKER_03 22:29

Dang, that doctor's got control issues.

SPEAKER_00 22:32

I told you to die.

SPEAKER_03 22:34

So I could autopsy you.

SPEAKER_00 22:36

Next one. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. Oh, you're in trouble.

SPEAKER_02 22:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:43

You're gonna need those.

SPEAKER_02 22:44

Yep. Go get them. I didn't know you could leave them, please. I'm gonna start being on the lookout.

SPEAKER_00 22:50

For other people's.

SPEAKER_02 22:51

Oh, just for mine.

SPEAKER_00 22:53

Next one. The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

SPEAKER_03 22:59

I mean I guess.

SPEAKER_00 23:01

Is that a meal you had?

SPEAKER_03 23:03

Yeah, right. Kinda.

SPEAKER_00 23:06

I only eat breakfast and dinner, so I'm anorexic at lunch.

SPEAKER_03 23:11

That's not really what anorexia means. Like you just you just skipped lunch.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

Like so a patient eats death threats for breakfast. Yeah, that dude's hardcore.

SPEAKER_03 23:24

I like that guy. I don't know him.

SPEAKER_00 23:26

Or her eat the paper that someone sent to you? I eat threats for breakfast. How do you read it?

SPEAKER_03 23:31

I don't know. He's just tough.

SPEAKER_00 23:34

The patient has done well without oxygen for the past year.

SPEAKER_02 23:40

Yeah, they're dead.

SPEAKER_00 23:42

You mean they no longer need their oxygen tank, which is great. But maybe be a little more specific. Next one. All visible brain tissue had been removed. The patient has no neurological complaints after surgery. They don't remember what you did.

SPEAKER_02 24:00

Your brain hurts.

SPEAKER_03 24:02

Take it out of there. How's it feel now? Fine? Good.

unknown 24:06

Oh geez.

SPEAKER_03 24:06

Yeah, this this reminds me of an article. Maybe I've talked about before. An article I read about a company in India that like surveyed all their employees to like do the like how happy are they? Are they unhappy here?

SPEAKER_00 24:20

Do they have like I know you've told me this, but I don't know if you didn't know.

SPEAKER_03 24:22

Yeah. Like yeah, right. So just survey them to see how happy they were, anxiety, different stuff like that. And then anyone who was unhappy or anxious or whatever, they just fired. So don't they count the results? Yep. No, like everyone who works here is happy and excited to be here.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

Yeah, I guess I guess. That sounds like stuff people do all the time now.

SPEAKER_03 24:45

Right.

SPEAKER_00 24:45

That's terrible. Alright, you ready for the last one?

SPEAKER_03 24:48

Last one? Let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 24:51

Let's see if I can do this. Already large brown stool ambulating in the hall. Ambulate means to walk or move about.

SPEAKER_03 25:02

Oh what did you eat?

SPEAKER_00 25:07

Oh, that's funny. Alright, that's it for today's episode. No.

SPEAKER_03 25:13

I'm trying to imagine. A lot of these we made we figured them out type of thing. Like what did they mean? What was I don't know how you could word.

SPEAKER_00 25:22

A large brown stool was something in the hall. I don't know. Maybe they meant something for ambulating.

SPEAKER_03 25:28

Well, but even still, why is there a loud large brown stool in the hall? Unless do they mean like a wooden stool? In which case, why is that a doctor's gnome?

SPEAKER_00 25:37

Well, was this like a crazy hospital? I'm sure it's poo. But is it like it's not the color at a children's hospital or like someone just had really bad diarrhea? Or someone doesn't know where they are and thought they like like that one time our son we gave him a melatonin one time. Not not even that much. And he woke up and went and peed in the kitchen. So maybe they were just didn't know what they were doing and they pooped in the hall.

SPEAKER_03 26:07

Well, sure. But what were they trying to say?

SPEAKER_00 26:10

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 26:11

Alright. Like you see what words are close to that word. What's that word again?

SPEAKER_00 26:16

Ambulating.

SPEAKER_03 26:17

Ambulating.

SPEAKER_00 26:18

Maybe they were saying that the person can't walk.

SPEAKER_03 26:23

So they let their poo do it for 'em.

SPEAKER_00 26:26

Maybe they're like stuck in a wheelchair or can't move themselves and just I don't know. I don't I don't know. I don't know what this could be. Okay, Trent, this is for you.

unknown 26:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:37

You call us what it could be. Yep, call us, let us know. What does this mean?

SPEAKER_00 26:42

What could this have meant?

SPEAKER_03 26:44

I'm sure this note is everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 26:45

That's it for today's episode. If you learned anything, remember this. Always double check your documentation. Never leave your white blood cells at another hospital. And whatever you do, don't lie on your left side for more than a year. Thanks for so much for listening. Stay healthy, stay hydrated, and please, for everyone's sake, don't let your stool walk the halls. Remember, even a small act of kindness can be someone's beacon in their darkest moment. Choose kindness every day. Reach out to someone today. You have the power to change your life. Be the signal of hope this world needs.