A Recipe for Seduction (Christmas in July!)

After a six month hiatus, Sara and Sarah are back to discuss the KFC original mini movie "A Recipe for Seduction" aka the Colonel (or is it Kernel?) Sanders story. 

The girls cover a chicken meat conspiracy theory, the origin of the word colonel, and of course, this insane Christmas mini movie starring none other than the podcast favorite hunk-with-a-heart, Mario Lopez. 

They also read reviews, talk shop, and reveal some vulnerable truths. Don't forget to like, subscribe, and leave a review! Christmas in July! We are SO back, baby! 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:10

Welcome to the Twelve Days of Bad Christmas Movies podcast. It's great smoothies. It's great, it's movie, it's good. And I'm Sarah Five. And I'm Sarah McClendon. Let's watch a Christmas movie.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

And we're back.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

Welcome back up to the 12 Days of Bad Christmas Movies podcast. I'm Sarah Fei. I'm Sarah McLeod. And boy, we've had a little bit of a six-month break.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

Ooh.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

Yeah, a lot of this has happened. We've missed you guys. But mostly we've missed you guys. How's everybody doing? How you doing, Sarah? Oh, you know. Okay. Just life be life.

SPEAKER_02 1:12

Yeah, life be life in, you know. We had a we had a busy holiday season for all of our uh intense. That's not the right word. Um we had plans to continue through the other seasons past Christmas. We did New Year's Eve, and we were like, oh yeah, we can do we'll do some Valentine's Day. We'll find a St. Patrick's Day movie. And then life got busy and we got stressed and we didn't do it. So here we are. Here we are now. We're doing it now. We're doing it now.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

It's Christmas in July. Yep. Christmas in July. And uh yeah, it's been a busy season. Um, I did three shows in a row. I did Holiday Inn during Christmas, the Christmas season, which we talked about on the podcast before, and then I did a play called Pizza Man almost immediately after. And just yesterday, I finished a production of Steel Magnolias, which Sarah costume designed. Absolute dream come true. I got to play Truvie, and it was just She was great, guys.

SPEAKER_02 2:14

So wonderful. She was so great.

SPEAKER_01 2:15

It was it was she looked amazing.

SPEAKER_02 2:17

Funny say so myself.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

Everyone did say they loved my costume. That was good.

SPEAKER_02 2:22

Yeah. Yeah. Uh and that's yeah, this was my second show since we wrapped. I did Into the Woods in the late winter, early spring.

SPEAKER_01 2:31

That was a huge undertaking.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

It was a huge undertaking because I basically made the 80% of those costumes, like just in my studio by myself. Um crazy. Not that people weren't volunteering to help me, I just couldn't get to a place where I was able to delegate. Sure. Because it was so imaginative and creative and like fun for me, but it's like I couldn't get what I wanted out into words to someone else. So anyway, sure, I was just stuck in the studio sewing a lot and doing a lot, yeah. Yeah, sometimes balancing all the other life things. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:08

Yeah, sometimes you can't communicate your vision in a way that like is is makes anything easier.

SPEAKER_02 3:17

So it's just better if you just do I spend 20 minutes explaining this to you, or do I just spend 20 minutes doing it myself? That was kind of how I felt about it.

SPEAKER_01 3:25

No idea. That's it's a tough thing. Well, personally, I would love to share a few reviews for the pod at the top. Thank you to everyone who's written us a review wherever you've written a review. We've got a a couple here that I just wanted to read out loud. Um, we got a couple of really we got a few five stars, and we did also get a one-star review, you know, which is okay, because if you're gonna put yourself out there.

SPEAKER_02 3:55

Well, yeah. I mean, that's this is what I say to my kids all the time. If you ask someone a question, you have to be prepared for one of those, one of the answers to be no. Like it's a yes or no question. Absolutely. You can't just assume that everybody's gonna like you.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

Yeah, yeah, and you know, if you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen, which has to do with the movie that we're talking about today, but we'll get to that in just a minute first. Foreshadowing for you, looking foreshadowing. Yes, someone named T, I'm sorry, someone named Exclamation, exclamation point, capital T, capital D, exclamation point, exclamation point. 432 says, five stars laughing all the way. Super funny duo. Now I need to watch these awful Christmas movies. Yeah, thanks for tuning in. Hope you did catch a couple of them. All right. Uh, someone named Ho Ho Ho Lover6969.

unknown 4:54

These people.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

Great name. Five stars. So funny. Finally, a podcast for anyone who loves bad Christmas movies. I love to laugh, sigh, and moan along with these in hilarious, insightful, and yes, sometimes even cynical. A refreshing breath of cool winter air in a world that often feels like hell. And I could not agree more. Personally, I could not agree more. Couldn't agree more. All right, here's the one star.

SPEAKER_02 5:25

Yeah, I was gonna say you can't you can't read too many good ones because we're just getting braggy.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

Yeah, now we're just getting braggy. Now we got a we got a uh a stellar one-star review here from No Hate Be Kind. Oh boy. Yes, no hate be kind. Uh, the title of their review feels pointed. No hate be kind. Says, Focus on the movie, not politics. And their one-star review reads, leave political comments out of the movie review with five exclamation points. Yikes.

SPEAKER_00 5:59

Thought I found a great recap show, and within 10 minutes, you ruined it with your mental instabilities commenting on our country.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

Dot dot dot dot dot. Oh obviously, no hate be kind had more to say. And so much hate for our mental instabilities. But they're they're, you know, being a Christian person. Oh boy, could not, being an evangelical Christian person could not say what they really wanted to say. You know what? Mental instabilities is not totally incorrect.

SPEAKER_02 6:33

But I mean leave my anxiety out of this. Come on.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

Uh so thank you to everyone. Thank you to everyone who wrote us a review. Continue to leave us ratings and reviews, it helps people find us.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

And uh yeah, sorry, not sorry, but we have to comment on the world we live in. Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

We have to comment on the world we live in. Sorry, not sorry. If you don't like, you know, don't like it. Well, I don't know what to tell you. Just go live. Just keep listening. Go live. Right. Go live on Mars where they don't have these issues, I guess. Um, okay. Yeah. Uh today we are going to talk about the mini movie made uh uh by KFC, The Chicken Place.

SPEAKER_02 7:21

And the movie is titled A Recipe for Seduction.

SPEAKER_01 7:26

Oh boy, starring none other than our favorite podcast favorite. Mario Lopez. Mario Lopez. I gotta tell you, when I found out that Mario Lopez was playing Colonel Sanders in this movie, I did not walk. I ran. She sure did. I ran to watch to see to see what was gonna happen.

SPEAKER_02 7:51

Many, many text messages that she sent me all at once.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Insane. Insane. Um he's still hot though.

SPEAKER_02 8:00

Of course he's still hot. He's not he's not aging, he's just like he he doesn't go to sleep at night. I think they just cryogenically freeze him after every cut, and he's just comes back out and just has not aged in 40 years.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

His hair is frozen in in place and time, his dimples are perfection. He is there's no one, no one like him. Well, we chose this movie not only because of the ridiculous nature of a Christmas movie about Colonel Sanders' secret fried chicken recipe, but also because fried chicken is sort of seen as like a summertime food, I think. Like, yeah, I mean I eat it year-round. I live in the South.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

It's great for a picnic, you know.

SPEAKER_01 8:46

I feel like it's there's a good yeah, it's like a fourth of July fried chicken. Like, I don't know. I just like bring it to a potluck. Bring it to a potluck. My mom used to come when I lived in New York. My mom used to come every single 4th of July, and we would go to like one of my friends' 4th of July parties, and she would fry chicken literally every single year for like 50 people. It's my it's my death row last meal.

SPEAKER_02 9:09

Shirley's fried chicken.

SPEAKER_01 9:10

Oh, yeah, Shirley's fried chicken. And my friend Brandy's grandma used to say, Fried chicken's the perfect food. You got protein, carbohydrates, and oils. What more could you ask for? What more could you ask for? Um, Sarah and I were going to do a KFC fried chicken tasting.

SPEAKER_02 9:32

Um I was like, hey, why don't we grab some KFC? We'll do a little, we'll do a little taste test. Because honestly, I haven't had it in years. I haven't had to prefer other kinds of fried chicken. Sure. But um I mentioned it in uh Other Sarah was very hesitant. She did not uh think it was going to be a good experience. Okay, well, here's the thing. Here's the thing we didn't do it.

SPEAKER_01 10:03

Fried chicken, like I said, is like one of my top three. Like the I love it. Like my mom's fried chicken is perfect to me.

SPEAKER_02 10:14

My god, you're gonna keep to- I just I really want the fried chicken. I know.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

I really I love up a good piece of fried chicken. Like I eat fried chicken, what's your favorite piece?

SPEAKER_02 10:23

Um the chicken.

SPEAKER_01 10:25

Oh, probably the thigh. Me too. Thigh is good. Yeah, thigh is good. Um, I also just like a fried chicken strip, a fried chicken nugget. I've I I love it. I eat fried chicken probably once a week.

SPEAKER_02 10:37

Um, I will say I don't know if you guys knew, but we're American. And we're southern.

SPEAKER_01 10:44

But here's the deal. Okay, think about this is something that I think about a lot. There's so much chicken for sale.

SPEAKER_02 10:53

True.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

Everywhere. Everywhere. Everywhere. I went to a gas station out here to to get gas in like a Gatorade before the show the other day, and they had like fried chicken for sale at the gas station. There's fried chicken restaurants on every exit that you get off, every fast food place has Taco Bell has chicken strips now. Everybody has chicken. Where is all this chicken coming from? Where is all this chicken coming from? Even if you're like, oh, they have these massive farms where they stuff all these chickens in there, which is very sad, and I don't like that. And personally, when I cook food, I only buy like organic farm with blah blah blah meat. But that's that the very idea of your chicken white. Well, yeah, and like the very idea of like the chickens being all stuffed in, these little candy. It's like awful.

SPEAKER_02 11:40

If you think about it too long. Anything could be if you think about any piece of the American food system for too long, it just puts you off eating for days. Well, like you just don't feel comfortable eating at all unless you like walked outside and harvested something yourself.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

Like, and let's not even got get into talking about like when you uh suffer from an eating disorder or disordered eating, because I can really just like go down the rabbit hole if I can't eat anything but like locally grown strawberries or whatever. Like, I don't know. But anyway, I think about this a lot, and I've been in my head a little bit about it lately. So, like the idea of going to KFC specifically to get fried chicken today, I was like, no, and I just had a stomachache. I was just like, I can't do it today. I can't. I told her maybe I could choke.

SPEAKER_02 12:31

I was wondering, I was wondering where this was going. But anyway. Right. And me neither, okay?

SPEAKER_01 12:40

Because I don't want I don't want to go. My my boyfriend Deontay likes to go down those rabbit holes, and I'm like, well, but what can I really do about it? Right. I mean, the chicken thing is like, okay, I can make choices that like could from the case.

SPEAKER_02 12:52

I know, and that's the only way that like we can feel in control at all in this is to make choices for yourself. That we we have very little uh control over.

SPEAKER_01 13:04

Mm-hmm. So, but yeah, I'm like, oh, I don't want to be one of those people that like lives in my basement and is paranoid all the time. So I just try not to think about it. But the chicken thing lately too much. Anyway, there's too much chicken in the world.

SPEAKER_02 13:16

So we didn't do a KFC taste test. Long story short. But uh yeah, I do um I remember going as a child a few times and enjoying it, you know. Yeah, I don't know. I just yeah, it's never it's never been a fast food restaurant that has stood out in my mind. My mother never fried chicken. Kitty would never. Oh, she would never. She will never deep fry anything.

SPEAKER_01 13:42

Listen, Kitty wouldn't fry chicken because it would, it would oil would splatter and she'd be like, I I can't.

SPEAKER_02 13:49

Yeah, it's messy. What do you do with the oil afterwards? You know, it's uh yeah. I feel like it's much, it's much more logistics than health. I think it's like health is definitely secondary to the logistics of actually frying chicken.

SPEAKER_01 14:02

Right. Yeah. Kitty would just go out for fried chicken.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

She would go out, yes, she definitely would.

SPEAKER_01 14:06

She'd come to my mom's house and eat fried chicken, you know, maybe. I don't know. Yeah. Well, anyway, yeah. Um, so we watched this movie.

SPEAKER_02 14:16

We sure did.

SPEAKER_01 14:17

It was 15 minutes.

SPEAKER_02 14:18

It was so short. I okay, months ago, Sarah sent me the discovery of this movie and was like, we've got to do an episode, like, you know, etc. And I didn't look at it too closely because Colonel Sanders, Mario Lopez Chicken Christmas lifetime movie. Like, that's all you really need to know. So it's like I didn't, I until today when we sat down to watch this, I did not know that it was a short film, that it's like this little mini sode. Um that I guess was I don't know, just kind of like a tongue-in-cheek lifetime spoof. Like they're sort of spoofing themselves. It's sponsored by KFC, like I don't know. But the fact that it's only 15 minutes and they have crammed an entire, usually 90-minute lifetime movie into 15 minutes makes this one of the most ridiculous things we've ever watched. 100%.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

I mean, I mean, just every trope from a bad Christmas movie happens in this movie, but it's 15 minutes long.

SPEAKER_02 15:28

So they're all just slammed right up against each other and they make no sense. We have to get from point A to point B. They have to do some of the most bonkers stuff.

SPEAKER_01 15:37

Right. So this movie was made in 2020. So I'm like, okay, the cast, like, there's a very small group of people who are acting in this movie. The credits were short. It wasn't like there were millions and millions of people working on it. I was still like, how much did they spend on this KFC movie? Mario Lemon. Yeah, I don't know if we can find the answer to that, but but anyway, um, so it starts out, and we're at this big house at Christmas dinner. The woman sitting at the head of the table is basically sitting on like a throne. She's sitting in this like ridiculous chair.

SPEAKER_02 16:18

I was too busy paying attention to like the gold chargers in the fine china, but they seem to be eating like fried chicken or like it looked like they had put KFC and fancy bowls on the table and were like passing around.

SPEAKER_01 16:33

And I was very distracted by that. The mash but instant mash and gravy. Yeah. Um, but no, she was like sitting in this ridiculous chair, and there's it's like obviously they're in this like mansion that's tacky. It looks like, you know, probably what like Mar-a-Lago looks like or something. I don't know. Um, tacky gold-plated stuff everywhere. Um, and the first thing that happens in the movie is that uh this girl named Jessica is proposed to by a very douchey looking like Billy, Silicone Valley Billy.

SPEAKER_02 17:12

Oh yeah, he's not he's not cool.

SPEAKER_01 17:14

Yeah, he's not cool. And she says, like, she doesn't say no, but she's like, I just need a minute to like consider this.

SPEAKER_02 17:21

Yeah, she's like, You put me on the spot, and then he starts to get really offended, but she also uh has this like side eye, like eye roll moment with her best friend across the table because everybody's gotta have a gay best friend.

SPEAKER_01 17:35

Her gay best friend Lee. Yeah, yeah. Um, the only, of course, the only redeemable character in the whole movie. It's always the gay character. Always the gay character. Um I guess Jessica runs upstairs to go and sulk in her lair while everybody else finishes off this fried chicken dinner.

SPEAKER_02 17:55

And um, the next morning, she like comes down and her mother is wearing the highest high heels for breakfast. Right. It's like pale pink, four-inch stilettos. I didn't notice that. And she said it was like the first thing my eye went to. She's sitting at this breakfast table, and Jessica comes down with her perfect heatless curls and her silk robe, but her mom is fully dressed and wearing these giant heels. Right. It's there's so there's some like A, just we'll just go on a costuming side note for just a second. Sure. It bugs me on shows that people are always wearing shoes. And like I understand, like you're at work, it's a TV show, you're an actor, but like I never wear shoes at my house. And I feel like 90% of people don't either. And yet everyone's just like lounging around. We're having breakfast, we're wearing high heels. Like, are you where are you going? Right.

SPEAKER_01 18:54

Or like, or like just even if they wake up, they're like perfectly quoffed and like have on matching PJs.

SPEAKER_02 19:04

Oh yeah, everybody in matching PJs.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

That drives me insane. I have a couple of pairs of matching PJs, but like how often do you wear them together down to my knees? I don't have on makeup at home ever.

SPEAKER_02 19:18

I have tons, yeah. I have tons of matching PJs, and I always am just reaching for like one of the pieces. Right. I never have them both on at the same time.

SPEAKER_01 19:25

Yeah, exactly. So anyway. Anyway, costuming cycle.

SPEAKER_02 19:28

Costuming tangents.

SPEAKER_01 19:30

But the mom is visibly upset at uh She's like, How could you do this to us? How could you do this to us? And then she says uh that she needs Jessica to marry Billy because Billy is a Garibaldi. And Sarah thought to me and was like, like the popcorn? And I was like, no, like the chocolate. And then we're both like, actually, no. Neither one. Neither one. What's the popcorn? Garrett's Garrett's popcorn. And then it's like Garadelli.

SPEAKER_02 20:01

It's the Jocaly. It's the chocolate. So yes, the Garibaldis we've decided are chocolate popcorn empire. To the chocolate popcorn. To the chocolate popcorn empire. Um, of course, her mother saying, like, I needed you to marry this man because he's very rich and we uh used to be rich, but now we're broke, uh, is just to me, is like such a Jane Austen trope. It's like that's what every, you know, oh, since your father died, we need to marry you off to Hayasuta, you know. Right, right, exactly. It's like immediately we've got a proposal, oh, but you should have accepted because we're broke. Like we're two tropes in and it's been three minutes.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

Right. It's been three minutes of this movie. And then, okay, so from there, who walks in but Mario Lopez, poorly dressed and costumed as the hottest Colonel Harlan Sanders.

SPEAKER_02 20:57

It's so I can't even like I'm picturing it in my mind and I cannot stop laughing. It's so ridiculous. I asked several times, what time period is this? Because no modern man would wear this outfit that he has on. He's got on a white shirt, like a button-down shirt, but it's short sleeved. He's got his sleeves rolled up, and there's one point I just wrote biceps popping. Oh, yeah. Like it's but the he's got like Colonel Sanders in my memory wears a string tie. You know, it looks like a little bow. That's how it looks in my mind. This was like a sailor suit, like a wide crossover. It is not a tie that has been seen on a human man for the last 200 years outside of the theater. Or Arlan Sanders. But apparently, yes, Harlan Sanders. Harlan with a D on the end.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

Oh, we need to talk about everything.

SPEAKER_02 21:50

Well, so okay, also he I mean, he's got the mustache and the little beard, the little chin beard, like little soul patch chin beard that are just barely. On his face. He might as well be holding it up like in a photo booth. It's like they look so unnatural. And then his hair, which they have colored silver, I swear it's with that pomade that we get like Instagram ads for that is like colored pomade, and you know that they rub it in their hands and then they show their hands they're like blue or whatever, and then they like rake it through their hair, and then their hair changes colors.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

Oh my god. That's exactly what it looks like. Okay, well, I don't get Instagram ads for that. But you do because you've had every color hair under the sun. You've had green, blue, pink, purple, red.

SPEAKER_02 22:38

Most of those, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:39

Yeah.

unknown 22:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:40

I don't get those ads, but you do, which makes sense. Yeah, so Mariel Lopez shows up as Colonel Sanders. Side note from me. Why is Colonel spelled that way? Oh, I've colonel. Why?

SPEAKER_02 22:54

Because it's not English. Or because it's not I mean, it is English, obviously. But like it's not English is a stupid language made up of a bunch of other languages, and it must have it's from some other language, and it has been bastardized into kernel.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

It infuriates me. It infuriates me. Popcorn kernel, like Garibaldi popcorn. Uh-huh. Yes. Garibaldi popcorn kernels are spelled K-E-R-N-E-L. That makes phonetic sense. This is ridiculous. And then you're like, how do I even Colonel? Colonel. How do I spell colonel? Colonel. It's so dumb. It it it it I just I can't.

SPEAKER_02 23:34

Anyway, oh it's Italian.

SPEAKER_01 23:37

Colonel is Italian. How? How is that like translated? Break it down for me.

SPEAKER_02 23:44

Call okay, this says Italian roots. Colonello, which means commander of a column of soldiers. Colonna, columna. For column or pillar. The French evolution. French took this, of course they did. Borrowed into French. One of the two L's was changed to an R to make it easier to pronounce for the French. But then Amer but then English speaking people the Anglo-Spanish shift, the word entered the English language of the mid-16th century. English speakers adopted the Spanish pronunciation of the French coronel. Coroner. Oh oh, maybe it's more like coroner and it became current colonel? No. I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 24:33

Well, that's crazy. Like I said. Anyway, moving on. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:37

It makes sense, but it also does colonel. Ultimately, you end up with the modern cork of English. The word is Italian in spelling, French in origin, but pronounced like colonel.

SPEAKER_01 24:47

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

SPEAKER_02 24:49

That's that's English etymology. Like it makes absolutely no sense. Uh my children ask me this kind of stuff all the time, and they're like, but why? And I'm like, because.

SPEAKER_01 24:57

Like because nothing makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 24:59

Yes, but because someone else somewhere else decided that this is how it is, and this is how it is, and we just have to do it. Because otherwise, no one will understand how what we're talking about. Right.

SPEAKER_01 25:09

We yeah, we could go down.

SPEAKER_02 25:10

We just a deeper rabbit hole than we just did.

SPEAKER_01 25:13

Anyway, yeah, what time is it? I don't know what time period is it. What I it's like what modern man wears these outfits? Colonel Sanders existed long before iPhones, but like they're living in this modern world with iPhones and Well, yeah, it's like this, it's like a modern retelling of the Colonel Sanders story.

unknown 25:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 25:34

You know, like when they updated Romeo and Juliet for Little DiCaprio? I guess.

SPEAKER_01 25:38

Anyway, yeah, yeah, exactly the same as that. Right. This this modern day masterpiece of the retelling of the Colonel Sanders. All right, so uh Mario Lopez is there, he's forever hot, and um she he meets Jessica, and then she goes to kind of like chase him down to meet him outside to go on a little walk, to be like, oh, let's like take a little walk together, and they walk around like this pool.

SPEAKER_02 26:10

Yeah, I don't know what was the incentive for her to walk after him. I think I was writing a number of things. And she was like they had a moment, yeah, their eyes locked over their mother's head. Hi, Jessica. Hi, Colonel.

SPEAKER_01 26:28

Anyway, and she like He's not actually a colonel in the movie, so I don't even know why we're they just call him Harlan. They just call him Harlan, but he's the colonel. Okay, it's like from what's that movie with um Mike Myers? So I married an axe murderer, where he's like uh Mike Myers is also playing his dad in the movie.

SPEAKER_00 26:47

He's one of the great differences of his life, yeah, and he's like, I hate the colonel with his wee beady little eyes, and oh, you're gonna buy my chicken. And then he talks about how the colonel puts an addictive chemical in his chicken and make you crave it. So good. Fortnightly. Fortnightly, fortnightly.

SPEAKER_01 27:08

That's what he says. So ridiculous. Okay, so she chases after Mario Lopez and they go on this little walk and they're walking around the pool.

SPEAKER_02 27:17

As she's chasing him down, like the he's like out front, so she comes out the front door, and then there's like this da-da, like scary music, and the mom like lurks in the front door and is like, I see them. They're walking together.

SPEAKER_01 27:32

Yes, foreshadowing. Anyway, they go on a walk around the the pool and she shares her vulnerable truths.

SPEAKER_02 27:39

She has a vulnerable truth to them.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

Her vulnerable truths. Um, which Sarah said was sounds biblical. Like took him upstairs and shared with him her vulnerable truths.

SPEAKER_02 27:54

Showed him her vulnerable truths. Be careful, ladies. Gotta keep your vulnerable truths under wrap. Until you find out if he's respectable. You're right. Do not share your vulnerable remote. I wrote down vulnerable truths meet secret recipe. Because he's uh that's the vulnerable truth that he shares. Oh, yeah. Is that he has a secret recipe for some fried chicken, which they don't even really talk about.

SPEAKER_01 28:24

Well, what's what she says, she tells him her vulnerable truth is that her mom wants her to marry Billy because he's a Garibaldi and they need the money. Right, right. Because otherwise, this house that they're this giant house they're living in, they've run out of money and and she's a gold digger. And then he says, Well, uh, I've got a secret recipe that's gonna change the world.

SPEAKER_02 28:42

Yeah, make me all my money.

SPEAKER_01 28:44

The secret spices, secret herbs and spices, baby.

SPEAKER_02 28:48

Yeah. So after their one and a half minute walk around a very small pool. Maybe smaller, maybe shorter than that.

SPEAKER_01 28:55

I feel like it was like a full 60 seconds. Here comes Billy in down the grand staircase in a hot forced outfit.

SPEAKER_02 29:03

He's got button-known shirt, keggy, khagy shorts, you know, boche's normal preppy guy stuff. But the sweater that they tied around his neck has the longest arms ever. The arms come down to his belly button and it's pink.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

I didn't notice that. That's so funny. I can't.

SPEAKER_02 29:19

I I literally shouted, What is he wearing?

SPEAKER_01 29:22

Um, yes, so bad. It's it's terrible. And he comes down the stairs and bullies her. He's like, I can't believe you embarrassed me by saying that you needed more time to think about whether or not you want to marry me. Because that's as if bullying her into marrying him is really gonna be.

SPEAKER_02 29:38

That's how most girls fall for her, guys, is by being bullied into it.

SPEAKER_01 29:41

Right. And then uh so sorry, I changed my mind. I changed my mind, yes. Yeah, why don't you go ahead and slap me while you're at it? Jesus. Anyway, uh, then uh you know, Colonel Sanders chimes in. Mario Lopez is like, hey, uh cool it guy or whatever. Take it easy, man. Take it down, take the temperature down a little bit. Anyway, and uh, and Billy's like, who the hell are you? And he's like, I'm the chef, Harlan Sanders. And Billy's like, beat it, crouton.

SPEAKER_02 30:10

Which I want to say, like into just some random stranger that like is being rude. I just want to be like, beat it, crouton. Beat it, crouton.

SPEAKER_01 30:21

Beat it, crouton. You're bothering me. Anyway.

SPEAKER_02 30:25

So they have this whole face off, and then at the end, Mario Lopez is like, and hey, don't call me a crouton.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

Hey, don't call me crouton. It's stupid.

unknown 30:40

So stupid.

SPEAKER_01 30:42

Okay, so cut to uh Lee's in the car calling Jessica. They're on the phone together. My note just says, falls for crouton in five minutes. Falls for crouton instantaneously.

SPEAKER_02 30:57

She's like, gay best friend, uh, I think I'm in love with the chef.

SPEAKER_01 31:02

And he's like, wait, what about Billy?

SPEAKER_02 31:03

And she's like, fuck Billy, I love Mario Lopez. And he's like, Okay, cool. Uh I'm on a grinder date and I'll call you back in a minute.

SPEAKER_01 31:10

He's like, I'm in the car going to this guy's country club with him. I'm like getting country club ready. We just met.

SPEAKER_02 31:17

And also, like, you should know that this character is played by a black actor and is wearing very sassy glasses in a really cute outfit and has been invited to somebody's country club. And I am nervous for this character. Oh, yeah. I am like, this man is getting thrown out of a country club. Oh, right. He's being escorted off the ground. So like I'm so nervous. It's like, and this this side story has nothing to do with anything. Absolutely nothing. And I'm so invested in how he's going to be treated at this country club.

SPEAKER_01 31:49

Are we going to be kind to him at this country club? Yes, I know. Ridiculous.

SPEAKER_02 31:53

And then we meet his date, who's tall. We didn't really meet his glance his date in the corner. He's tall and Asian and has his shirt unbuttoned to his belly button. And I'm like, what country club is this? What is this country club? This is the member that brings his date.

SPEAKER_01 32:07

Well, his country, his country club date was probably like, in my mind, I'm like, oh, he's like a crypto guy or like a Bitcoin bro. Sure. Who's just like re new money and he's like out here dressed like Jimmy Buffett at a country club, just like living his best life on ketamine or whatever he's fucking doing that day on this grinder date. Um anyway, Lee's Where's that movie, Lifetime?

SPEAKER_02 32:32

Where's Lee and his grinder dates movie?

SPEAKER_01 32:35

That's what we want. Yeah. Where is Lee and his grinder dates movie? All right, that's what we want. Okay. Are you listening Lifetime? The people have spoken. I want to know how it goes. Anyway, so Lee is at the country club.

SPEAKER_02 32:47

Um, and oh, after after the phone call with Jessica and Lee, she puts her phone down and goes to get in the shower, and her mom comes in her room and steals her phone and sends a text message to Billy.

SPEAKER_01 32:59

Well, she has just texted Billy. She texts Billy, we need to talk. By the way, side note, it's a green bubble. So Jessica obviously has an Android, which confirms that they are in fact financially struggling. And she has an Android phone. She sent the text. It says, We need to talk.

SPEAKER_02 33:22

The real mark of poor people in America. The Android green bubble.

SPEAKER_01 33:30

Anyway, no offense if you have an Android. My boyfriend has an Android.

SPEAKER_02 33:34

We just lost 14 of our 17 followers. I know, I know.

SPEAKER_01 33:38

We're just, I know, I know, I know. I'm just kidding on the Android. But no, people always sit there like, ew, a green bubble. I personally color. It's fine. It's my boyfriend has an Android and I love him. Okay, so anyway. Um, yeah, she sends Billy a text with her Android and it says, We need to talk. She puts the phone down and then she goes to get in the shower. Her mom pops her head into the room, grabs her phone, and texts Billy. He says, I'll be at the country club, and then she says, Okay, be right there. Her mom does. Her mom leaves to go to meet Billy at the country club, and that's where we see Lee and his date, and Billy and Bunny is her mom's name. Bunny. Bunny.

SPEAKER_02 34:27

Of course it's her mom's name.

SPEAKER_01 34:28

And Billy's getting drunk at the country club bar. Billy's getting toasted at the bar. And because what else does he have to do that day? Um, and the mom comes in and she's like, listen, we like have got to get, you've got to marry Jessica. You've got to figure it out. And then she reveals that she and Billy are having a hot love affair. Which uh it was so weird. It's so weird. Gross.

SPEAKER_02 34:54

Like gross. She's like, remember that one weekend? Oh, yeah. That weekend away, and he's like, I sure do.

SPEAKER_01 34:59

Then she's like, We'll have lots more of those. I can promise you that. After you marry my daughter. So sleeping with my daughter and sleeping with me. Ooh, what a turna. I don't want to yuck anybody's yum. You know, whatever. I don't want to.

SPEAKER_02 35:14

I want to yuck that yum. I want to yuck that one all. Do not like multi-generational couples. I don't know if I can do that. That's fine. That's fine. I agree. Date an older woman, not one related to someone else in your little in your little polyamory cluster, you know. Agreed. Yeah, agreed.

SPEAKER_01 35:36

I think it's weird. But you know, people are always like, don't kink shame. People like what they like. And I'm like, but like interfamily is gross. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:43

It's just it's a little, it's a little too far. And it's also like, again, this is a 15-minute movie, and we have snuck in like some sort of weird kind of incestuals love affair. Gross. Like on top of everything else. Gross. It'd be, I mean, I don't know. I feel like maybe I could forgive the writers a little bit if it was a stepmother. Maybe like it's I get uh I don't know. I still, I still don't like it. I still don't like it. And I feel like there was no need for it. There was no need. But I guess this was like their way of giving him some sort of incentive to marry a woman that continuously rejects him.

SPEAKER_01 36:21

I guess they're like, Billy could go get somebody else.

SPEAKER_02 36:24

Sarah made a great point. She was like, why doesn't the mom just marry him? If they're already having an affair and she needs his money, problem solved. Right. 15-minute movie becomes 10-minute movie. Right.

SPEAKER_01 36:36

15 movie doesn't even need to exist because it's like I mean, I guess for the Colonel Sanders story, it could just be like, well, Billy ran off with Bunny and they lived happily ever after. Why wasn't Bunny?

SPEAKER_02 36:46

I know so much better than Billy and Jessica.

SPEAKER_01 36:48

Okay, well, anyway, this whole thing's ridiculous. It's so ridiculous. Okay, so then um Lee oh sees Bunny rubbing all over Billy, and he texts Jessica and says, Call me ASAP. All right. Right.

SPEAKER_02 37:06

Um But Jessica no longer has a phone. Right. Because her mother stole it. Has taken it.

SPEAKER_01 37:13

Alright. Cut to the kitchen at this, you know, estate. Bunny's estate. Billy's rummaging around through the kitchen, and he finds a very sharp knife and uh some Tupperware or something, and then he finds this notebook of Mario Lopez's aka Colonel Sanders. And inside of the notebook is the secret recipe.

SPEAKER_02 37:40

Did you notice on the secret recipe? There's a little chicken leg drum on there. I sure did.

SPEAKER_01 37:45

And it was the handwriting of that was definitely not no chef. Uh-uh. It was like perfectly written calligraphy of the secret recipe.

SPEAKER_02 37:55

Well, maybe he's rewritten it several times because he's so proud of it. Is he like Yeah?

SPEAKER_01 37:59

Maybe he had a girlfriend before that had like great handwriting and she wrote it down. In colorful gel pens. Yeah, in colorful gel pens. Anyway, um, yeah, so uh Colonel Sanders walks in. He's like, What are you doing in here? Yeah, and Billy's like, Oh, like you think you're gonna steal my woman? Well, why don't you beat it, Crouton? I'm gonna give you $500,000 to get out of here. And he he also tells Colonel Sanders that Jessica has said yes.

SPEAKER_02 38:32

Yeah, he's like, She changed her mind. Well, you need to get out of here. I'm gonna pay you money to get out of here.

SPEAKER_01 38:38

I'll give take this $500,000.

SPEAKER_02 38:41

And at first, Mario Lopez is like $500,000. A he whips out a personal checkbook. Also, nobody has designed it. Yeah. What time? What time are we in?

SPEAKER_01 38:49

Yes, what time period are we in? But then, yeah, he's like, at first, he's like, You need to get out of here because um um I'm gonna pay you. And then Mario Lopez is like, no, that's like unethical. And then he's like, Well, I am Colonel Harlan Sanders and I have integrity. I have integrity. I believe in love. I'm a chef. And then he's like, Well, she said yes, so you might as well beat it. And so he gives him this check for $500,000. I would take the money. We have known Jessica and Colonel together. I'm not referring to him as Arlene. His name is his first name is Colonel. Okay. Uh he uh Colonel Sanders has known Jessica for less than five minutes. Okay, they've spent zero time together. Zero time, none. They've had one walk around the pool. Someone gives me 500k to walk by. We've I don't know any of the things. I've opened my first franchise. I have no idea. Obviously, you're in some twisted sick family. I don't need that kind of drama in my life. Nope. Give me the 500k peace, I'm out of here. But it's a lifetime Christmas movie involving Colonel Sanders, fried chicken, and a love story. So of course. Of course, you know, he won't take it. Anyway.

SPEAKER_02 40:11

Well, I guess he does accept the check because later he confronts her with it.

SPEAKER_01 40:16

True. Okay, well, anyway, we're not there. Either way, um, Lee comes over to the mansion to try to warn Jessica about the Yes, and we have a stereotypical rich lady in a riding habit.

SPEAKER_02 40:30

Like she was just out in the stables getting ready to prance around with her horse. Right. Well, I can't. I cannot.

SPEAKER_01 40:38

I know why is she in the house with that? In a riding habit. Why is she right? If there hasn't that how much time has passed because she was just at the country club. Apparently, several weeks because they're just falling more deeply in love. I guess. Who knows? I don't know. She was just at the country club with Billy, rubbing all over him in a dress. Now she's at home in a writing habit. Like what? How? Okay, anyway, Lee comes over and he's like, I'm looking for Jessica. He starts to walk up the steps. She takes a polo stick and hits him over the head with it.

SPEAKER_02 41:05

Immediately down.

SPEAKER_01 41:06

Immediately knocked him out.

unknown 41:08

Right.

SPEAKER_01 41:08

Immediately. Out cold. Yep. She just hit him in the perfect spot, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 41:13

Okay, so Yeah, and then we see Harlan, Colonel, confronting Jessica, like, you should have just told me you changed your mind. I don't need to be bought off. And he like whips the check out and she's like, What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_01 41:26

And yeah, he's like, You said yes. And she's like, No, I didn't. I don't want Billy. I want you. And then they kiss, and all I could think about was all of the like makeup that was on his beard and mustache and face, just like rubbing all over her as they were making up.

SPEAKER_02 41:40

Just yeah, just like part of the room. Your face on a fake mustache and a fake beard, just rubbing around.

SPEAKER_01 41:46

Yeah. Like the spirit gum, the makeup, the spru, like all of the stuff. Gross. Um, okay. So then I don't remember what happens between them kissing and him being tied up.

SPEAKER_02 42:01

Uh Jessica confronts Bunny. Oh. She like approaches her mother apparently on a different day, and is like, I've made my choice. I'm not marrying Billy. I'm gonna marry the chef. And her mom is like, You can't marry the chef, he's gone.

SPEAKER_01 42:17

Oh, and in the middle of the night.

SPEAKER_02 42:20

She oh, yeah, like he just disappeared. Yes. And so she runs into the kitchen and sees that it's completely empty. There's no one in there cooking fried chicken for her. Uh so she gets very sad and goes out back into their impeccable Japanese garden with these red bridges and like beautiful landscaping. Right. And she's just like taking a sad walk with her feelings, and then she notices a door handle on like a I don't know, another part of the house. A back closet. Yeah. Or like a shed. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:00

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 43:00

And you just hear it's got blood on it.

SPEAKER_01 43:02

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:03

And but you also hear like a so we see a bloody doorknob. And so she opens the door because the door's just open. So she goes in, and we see Colonel Sanders duct tape mouth tied to a chair in like a dark basement with a spotlight over him in his chair, like he's being interrogated for something. Right.

unknown 43:33

Ah.

SPEAKER_02 43:36

And so then she's like, What's happening? What, you know, what's going on? And Billy comes out of the shadows with the sharp knife he stole from the kitchen like seven weeks ago.

SPEAKER_01 43:48

And see, in your mind, all of this time has passed. And with me, this happens in like seventy two hour period. This whole story takes place over.

SPEAKER_02 43:58

I just don't understand how they're in love and like. Three days that she's like running away with him. And I mean, of course, she's ditching Billy because he's terrible.

SPEAKER_01 44:05

She showed her vulnerable truths.

SPEAKER_02 44:07

Oh, they did. He did see her vulnerable truths, so they have to get married now. That's the way it works. Um, once you show a man your vulnerable truths, you gotta get hitched. Exactly. Uh so yeah, then Billy comes out of nowhere, he's got this big knife, and then uh Bunny comes in and she's like, Lee's escaped. And so apparently she's been keeping Lee locked up somewhere.

SPEAKER_01 44:32

And Lee's been locked up. I don't know how like what how did she drag these bodies? She got Billy to help him. Billy's pretty small too. I just like okay, well, whatever. Anyway, he's got rage on his side. He's got rage on his side, Royd Rage.

SPEAKER_02 44:52

Um so that yeah, she makes eye contact with Lee, who's like lurking in a different quarter and is gonna like help her out, and then he f has the polo mallet again and hits Bunny, she crashes into some shelves, they like disarm Billy somehow. I don't know, I stopped paying attention.

SPEAKER_01 45:12

What happens was Billy's about to stab Colonel Sanders and Colonel Sanders headbutt. Oh, that's right. Because he is the Colonel. Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 45:25

Oh yeah, because Sarah kept saying he looks way too calm, and I made some comment about how like, but he was been he's in the military. He's a colonel. Of course, he's calm under torture.

SPEAKER_01 45:34

Right. He's calm under torture, you know, he's palmia or whatever. Oh boy. Anyway, he headbutts Billy and Billy falls over, and then um Lee takes the mallet and hits Bunny in the head. So there's like a lot of uh head injuries here. Yes. Um, and then uh Jessica goes over and kneels down in between Colonel Sanders' knees very sexually. And she slowly rips off the duct tape and they kiss again. And I'm like, isn't Billy just like right? He could wake up at any moment. Any moment. He's got a knife. Like we should probably anyway. Cut to one year later, we see Colonel Sanders and Jessica getting married, and Lee is the officiant of their wedding.

SPEAKER_02 46:20

Yep, Colonel Sanders is in a in the white suit with a with a little red pocket square, pretentious the red stripes of the KFC bucket.

SPEAKER_01 46:31

And uh they get married and then cut to a health and wellness facility, aka like a mental health place, and it's you see Bunny sitting on this bench in this like outdoor garden area in like an all-tan suit, and she looks really distraught. And uh Billy shows up, sits down on the bench next to her, and says, I found them. And then he takes a bite of a chicken drumstick, and that's the end of the movie.

SPEAKER_02 47:01

End of the movie. The end.

SPEAKER_01 47:05

What the hell? What I personally need somebody to like come, you know, wrap this up for me. Like the loose ends of this. Do we need a sequel? Probably. I yeah, I want to know what Billy and Bunny are getting up to. And I need to know more about Lee and the Bitcoin bro.

SPEAKER_02 47:25

Yeah, we do need we do need Lee's story through all of this. Oh man. That was a wild ride. That was a wild 15 minutes because again, we've been talking for 48 minutes.

SPEAKER_01 47:37

Well, we covered a myriad of topics. We did, yes, but still, we caught everybody up, we read reviews, we talked about the word colonel.

SPEAKER_02 47:44

That's true. But watching this movie was a friggin' emotional roller coaster because it's so short and they crammed so many things in. It's yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:56

There's a lot to see here.

SPEAKER_02 47:57

There's a lot to see, a lot to unpack. Highly recommend.

SPEAKER_01 48:01

You got 15 minutes, you want a good laugh. I mean, I watched this before.

SPEAKER_02 48:05

Actually, like, if you only have five minutes and you want a good laugh, just look up images of Mario Lopez's hair from this. Like that'll that'll save your day.

SPEAKER_01 48:13

Pictures of Mario Lopez will save your day in general. But pictures of him as Colonel Sanders will uh will save your week. Yeah, it might save your life.

SPEAKER_02 48:22

Maybe. Maybe.

SPEAKER_01 48:24

Man, okay. Well, we gotta give it a rating. I mean, I'm gonna give it three French hens.

SPEAKER_02 48:35

I was thinking two turtle doves.

SPEAKER_01 48:36

Okay, well, I was on the fence. It's a terrible movie, and there's no doubt about that. But was it highly entertaining? It was entertaining in the worst, in like a bad kind of way. Uh-huh. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 48:46

Which is exactly what we're looking for. So you know, but as far as movies go. Oh, it's terrible.

SPEAKER_01 48:51

It's a two turtle doves. It's I'd really give it a partridge in a pear tree. Like it's it's worse.

SPEAKER_02 48:56

But we also think a partridge in a fried chicken bucket.

SPEAKER_01 48:59

Yeah. We also think that this movie was meant to be bad, right? Like it's meant to be like tongue in cheek and silly and ridiculous.

SPEAKER_02 49:08

Yes, it definitely bec because it's so short and it's so dramatic, it's it definitely seems very much like it was supposed to be making fun of all the lifetime tropes and all the things that we love about these movies, which is you know, they they fall in love too fast, and the the conflicts seem very easily solvable whenever they get very upset and you know run away from each other. Yeah. That it's yeah, but it's just it was so silly. So silly, so stupid, but I kind of loved it. And it was a great entrance back uh to the pod for us.

SPEAKER_01 49:49

Yeah, just an easy 15-minute watch, you know, perfect just in time for 4th of July, fried chicken season, the summer, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_02 49:57

Yep, little Christmas in July.

SPEAKER_01 50:00

Yeah, a little Christmas in July.

SPEAKER_02 50:01

I love it.

SPEAKER_01 50:02

Um so that's it. That's it for today. Uh we will be back hopefully soon. And um keep, you know, keep on, keep it on, people.

SPEAKER_02 50:14

Yes, uh don't forget to follow us on Instagram. Yes, subscribe wherever you get your podcast, wherever you're listening, you know, so you can catch new episodes first. Write us a review and maybe we'll read it on the pod. Yeah. And uh send us any recommendations. We can we're gonna start making our list for the 12 Christmas movies that we're gonna watch this season. So if you have one to recommend, send it on over.

SPEAKER_01 50:41

Send it our way. We're making a list, checking it twice. You can follow us over at 12 Days of Bad Xmas Movies Pod on Instagram. And we hope to be back with you real soon.