Episode 14: Finding Your Village in Denmark: Making Friends, Belonging & Starting Over Abroad

Moving abroad isn't just about finding a new home.

It's about rebuilding a life.

In this episode of The Scandi Shift, Meg and Selena explore what it really means to find your village after moving to Denmark. Not just making friends, but building the people, routines, communities, and support systems that make a place start to feel like home.

Inspired by conversations from their first Across the Table dinner, they reflect on the surprising reality that women from different countries, backgrounds, and stages of life were all searching for something similar: deeper connection and a sense of belonging. 

We talk about:

•  Why making friends and building a village are not the same thing 
•  The invisible support systems you don't realize you have until they're gone 
•  How motherhood changes what community means 
•  Why making friends as an adult can feel suspiciously like dating 
•  The challenge of breaking into established social circles 
•  How school, daycare, work, volunteering, and community groups can become connection points 
•  The difference between networking and genuine belonging 
•  Why villages don't magically appear — they're built 

Whether you've recently moved to Denmark, are considering relocating abroad, or simply feel like you're rebuilding your community in a new phase of life, this episode is a reminder that meaningful connection takes time — and that you're probably not as alone as you think.

Because sometimes a village isn't one perfect group of friends.

Sometimes it's a collection of people, places, and relationships that slowly become home.

Expat life Denmark, moving to Denmark, making friends abroad, finding community, building a village, motherhood abroad, living in Copenhagen, belonging in Denmark, international life, women living abroad.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Welcome to the Scandy Shift, the podcast where two expat mums talk honestly about surviving, thriving, and building a happy life in Denmark. I'm Selena.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

And I'm Meg. And today we're talking about finding your village.

SPEAKER_01 0:23

Which, to be honest, sounds a little cliche until you move somewhere new and suddenly realize how much your village was doing for you without you even noticing.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Exactly. And this feels especially timely because we've just come off of our first across the table dinner. And honestly, it was such a lovely night. Um, you know, we had women from different countries, uh, different ages, different stages of life, some moms, some not moms, some had young kids and some had older kids. And uh honestly, the big common thread running through everything they said through so many of the conversations across the night was that they were looking for connection, right? These were women who were looking for connection. Not networking, not trying to search for a job, whatever, just true, genuine connection that they could feel rooted here in Copenhagen.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

Yeah, this was pretty much what stood out to me too. Everybody's story was different, everyone's background was different. They came from totally different countries, different ages, full spread. It couldn't have been more diverse, but somehow they were all talking about the same thing. Finding their people, finding community, finding a support system, finding a village.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

It sounded like uh an advertisement for a uh a spa there. Finding your thing, finding your village.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

That's a nice name for a spa, actually.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

I'd go there. New new new business proposition.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

Come find your people at the village. But I definitely agree that you know, even though some of them had only been here for a few months versus some for many years, and some were Danish, I just want to say that too, because often we talk about this and people immediately think, oh, it's all expats, and only expats have this kind of struggle, right? No, no, no, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

It's Danes too. Danes, yeah, and there's so we were talking right before we started recording about the two different types of Danes that usually have this. Like someone who has moved just an hour and a half away, for instance, or two hours, or to a new town in general, and how hard it is to sort of really break back into finding your village and finding your people. And then Danes who have been abroad for some time and come back, they have a lot of the same struggles that we as internationals and expats do coming to Copenhagen and coming to Denmark.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

Yeah, it's the clash of the culture again because you've embedded and probably as we try to do here, we try to integrate more and more and we take on things that we wouldn't necessarily naturally do coming from a different culture and background, and they're doing it in another country, and then they come back here and have almost a culture shock because the country they left is not the country that they feel like they've re-entered because they have a lot of different beliefs and values now, potentially.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

That's a really good point. That's huge. I wonder if we ever returned. We're not, we're not returning from what from whence we came. But if we did, we might find the same issue. Oh, going back to the UK, going back to the UK.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

Raising kids. Yeah. I mean, it would be for me, yeah, that would be crazy. Anyway, we digress. It was amazing. We had a really good night ourselves. We were hosting, we were doing a lot of other stuff, but I think it it was really apparent that actually timely, we should do something about finding a village. We talked a little bit before about friends and how difficult that can be, but I think we're gonna go into it just a little bit more.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Yeah. And it got us thinking about this sort of bigger question. What does it actually mean to find your village? In air quotes, you know, when you've moved somewhere new, because I don't actually think the village is the same, same thing truly, as just friendship. And I don't think when I was in San Francisco or living in the States in general, you know, before my son, before family, anything like that, and any of the different cities I lived, I thought of or ever called it a village or referred to it as a village. Um, I just called it life. I just called it life, right? Like you have your life. I went to San Francisco, it was friends, it was the parents group that we were a part of that was very active in his uh now. I'm gonna call it a boneheo so people don't get confused. But yes, his boneho uh in San Francisco. And, you know, for me, also being in San Francisco, my childhood best friend lived there. We both moved to San Francisco, so it was like having a sister. So there you had your you know version of family, but it was it was the fact that you were surrounded that by people you could count on and many different levels, whether it's coworkers, things like that. And that is a village. It's beyond just knowing someone, having friendships, it's that support you get. At least that's what I think about, right? Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 4:58

And I think the difference there is it was organic. You weren't finding your village, it already existed. You just pulled on like the support systems, you know, like was like an eco support system. Yeah. Whereas when you just get ripped ripped out of there, it's probably wrong, it's probably sounds aggressive. Yeah, under chains. And we cannot say that because both of us definitely wanted to come here. It was not our spouses, it were both Danes. We were like, we're going to Copenhagen. Um, but as well, for you, it also there wasn't just one person, you just naturally have this ecosystem, right? So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:39

Yeah, I think uh that it was the whole network.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

Okay, I can completely relate to that. I mean, my village before Denmark was mostly friends too, and and it was even more sort of friendship-oriented only because I didn't have kids. Yeah. And you know, I'd already moved away from family when I was living in London. So my friends were my people, and I had this amazing group of girlfriends that I've talked about before, plus a couple of close guy friends, so you know, people that I spent all my time with, and people that I would call, you know, life was great, but also when life wasn't so great. And of course, we have all of those times.

SPEAKER_00 6:15

I think that's actually one of the things that finding your, you know, I pause because I'm trying to find the right words for it, but the the down times is when you feel the most lonely and when you're you're you're seeking that that support. And that's what a village is. It is the support, the emotional, sometimes time, sometimes, you know, I don't know, that that that lift up you get from just like a quick drink or a laugh or you know, this idea that you have a person or people that know you so well that yeah you can just be you. And when you come to a new place, it takes time to find that. And if you're having trouble finding the people, it just exacerbates that feeling of loneliness, even if you're really busy.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

Yeah, and and looking back, I completely took that support system for granted in the way you're just not consciously thinking about as a support system. You're just thinking this is this is my friend's really fun, we hang out, you know. But I think most of us do, you'll assume it will always be there because it always has been. And then you move somewhere completely new and realize, okay, now I am at ground zero. I have to start building, finding again, and that requires effort. And honestly, when I look back, and this is slightly embarrassing to admit, but one of my uh dear friends in London had a baby, and she was the first to have a baby. And honestly, I was probably a terrible friend, and I don't know if others can relate to this, but in the sense, let's be honest, when you don't have kids, you don't have a freaking clue how hard it is, how stressful it can be. Because of course you don't understand it. Like, how would you know motherhood can be super isolating, for example? Yeah, you don't know that until you're in it, and then once I was in it in Copenhagen without all of my friends from London, yeah. Oh, then you get a real reality check. And it made me I actually thought about her a lot in the early days. You know, I moved here, I became pregnant after one year, I got pregnancy depression, postnatal depression, dark, dark days. And I although I had several, you know, I would call real friends at that point, even early on. I had a baby in February, and it's like in the middle of winter, and we all know, we all get down. We've talked about the eight-month Danish winter. I lived on a third-floor apartment, my family wasn't nearby, and my support network wasn't here, right? And it was really, really hard. And yeah, she came into my mind a lot about how how lonely and isolating at times it must have been, even when you don't have the depression and all of that stuff, right? It's so really hard.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

It is. It's like you're you're in this battle, like because you're also in a battle with your body and getting your emotions back and fighting who you are as a same person. And yeah, there's there's a lot with that, which we will definitely talk about motherhood, another one because it does change who you are and how you connect.

SPEAKER_01 9:13

But you know And apologies, we didn't, I actually realize now we didn't do some kind of disclaimer at the start to say we would talk, touch on uh more sensitive topics. But I'm not gonna I've mentioned it, I'm not gonna go into it in this episode. It's gonna we're gonna keep this light and breezy. No, exactly. But if you are suffering, you know, no, you're not alone, and there are so many supports available. Um, and we will put them onto our website after this episode. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

We will I will have to Google it because I don't know where they are in Danish, but yeah, yeah. But we will find it for you. Yeah, we'll put a couple of things on there. Yeah. But this actually touches on another thing that we were talking about right before we started recording, which is this big article that just came out, right? So, and it does, you know, references a couple things around if you have children and things like that. But so Selena came in and said, Have you seen this article up in Politikan? And I said, Wait, it's the same article that my Danish friend was talking to me about in the dog park yesterday. Of and what is the article? It's focused on exactly this.

SPEAKER_01 10:17

Yeah, it couldn't be more clear. Um, they've interviewed several people, they've reviewed data from you know, internation surveys, like 10,000 plus expats globally, not just in Copenhagen. And the outcome of all of this stuff basically just says, Oh my god, is it hard to integrate and make friends here? Um, I think Denmark ranked 43 out of 46 countries on the internation survey, which centers very much about that integration, forming social circles, all that good stuff that we need to, you know, for a place to feel like home. So although it's super high on the happiness index and live ability and all of the good infrastructure and all that, we have all of the great things that we need to have a great life here, but one of those huge components around social integration is missing for quite a lot of people.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

And this is not recent because they did the study a few years back. Ten years ago. Ten years ago, and Denmark also still ranked close to the bottom. Yeah. And I think there was a guy that was quoted that he had come over from Sweden to, and then after a year here in Denmark, he moved back to London.

SPEAKER_01 11:28

Yeah, even comparing two years in Stockholm to a year in Copenhagen, he found Copenhagen infinitely harder to integrate.

SPEAKER_00 11:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

And I think this is this came up to obviously in the across the table dinner and a lot of the reasons people are reaching out. And, you know, we've talked about it, and I think it really comes down to a few things. The article brought this up too. One person in the article said a lot of it does come down to language because it also is it is an extremely difficult language to learn. And this person is married to a Dane and is in with like Danish family and stuff like that, and had mentioned that in the beginning, everyone started, you know, with speaking English and and making her feel welcome and then immediately then switches into to Danish after some time, which is understandable. Yeah. But then she ended up feeling very, very lonely and isolated from a cultural standpoint because of that. And we've talked a little bit about language here and there, and we'll definitely do a further one. But it it does feel for some people the language part is a barrier, but that was not the only thing that they talked about. They also talked about the sort of the impromptu get-togethers or lack thereof, the engagement when it came to schools or not, you know, with parenting. And what was the quote that when someone said, Oh, at four o'clock the the office empties out and some foreigners feel like everyone's gone to a beal they have beer they haven't been invited to?

SPEAKER_01 12:50

Yeah, but they're the reality is they're picking up their kids. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:53

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. But I do think then, like to that point, if your office has what is it called? Drink Friday drinks? Is that how they they say it?

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Friday bar.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

Friday bar. If your office has Friday bar, go. Go. And the more you go and the more you put yourself in there, and the more you're like, hey, foreign are here, and I'm gonna stick my face here and and show, you just have to put it's a lot more effort. It is more effort than I'd say other places where you need to make friends. But if you keep that effort up, I've found, and I'll speak personally for me, if you keep the effort up, it might feel like you're forcing yourself on people, but eventually they become your friends.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

Yeah, yeah. It's true. It is kind of they do a nice job, I have to say. I mean, we we when we haven't we're not gonna do a full podcast episode on the Politik and um article, but it it did really uh feel very timely based on across the table launch. You know, plus, let's be honest, we did this on purpose. You're creating the Scandiship Podcast, it was because everybody has their ups and downs and daily struggles here, particularly as foreigners, right? Again, also too, we recognize that. But we just thought it would be a fun way to talk about ours so people don't feel as alone because you're definitely not. We all have the struggles, but uh the article, it just captures the essence so well of the majority of people trying to integrate here and all the struggles on the social side. And now I'm trying to remember there were four things that they said. You touched on one, making friends was one, yeah, but they also sort of put it back on foreigners to say Danes, absolutely workplaces, uh Danish citizens, invite your colleagues out for a beer, invite them over for dinner, make them feel more welcome. We have a responsibility, we need the workforce to contribute to 12% of our workforce. You know, let's keep people happy so it's not costing the economy as well. And we get, you know, I think that all all it's all good stuff, right? But then what was the other stuff they said?

SPEAKER_00 15:05

I'm blanking. Yeah, I know. I really wish we couldn't remember. But it it's all to say that there's two parts of this of the story here. One is as foreigners, it is important to know it it takes some time, and then you just have to keep putting yourself out there. And that's hard. And that what we're saying is not easy, like especially if you're on the more quiet side, especially if you're more reserved, especially if you're from a from a culture that doesn't, I guess, uh instill this uh idea of being like uh overly out there, you know, it that it makes it immensely harder. But I love the fact that it was in politik and it was in Danish because the audience for that article are Danes.

SPEAKER_01 15:46

And I I actually wonder if that's it's part of the push for them to put it out to the Danish community. Of course, whenever I have a conversation with anyone Danish about the the challenge of this, they completely acknowledge it's not like a news flash. Yeah, they absolutely recognize that this is tricky. I think that everybody's just caught up in daily life and in the social circles and busy. And maybe like at the as the individual, don't really understand how they can fit somebody else into this rich full life that they already have. Exactly. But yeah, the message was very clear. Invite your international colleague over for coffee. That's exactly what they said. A yes person as a foreigner, yeah, say yes to everything.

SPEAKER_00 16:26

Asking, and then maybe ask for a few weeks ahead of time so that people can plan more because of what's going on. And it's not a culture of on the fly plans. So be okay with that and then just ask repeatedly. So it is sort of a mixture of as Danes, you reach out across the table. Yeah. And as foreigners, you reach out across the table. And then you can come to an across the table. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 16:51

Everybody come to across the table. Yeah, we had to get that plug-in. It wouldn't have been, um, it wouldn't have been right.

SPEAKER_00 16:56

No, it's true. But I will say it's not just being here. I feel that making friends as an adult is very tricky. I think I've moved a few times in my adult life. From college, I moved to Italy and moved back. That was easier because I was kind of thrust into a friend group that was, you know. And again, when you're in your early 20s, it does seem a little bit easier. I moved uh to New York, but I had a career and I had made friends through work and went to San Francisco, the same thing. Um, or I had friends of friends, and you kind of jump into that. But when you move somewhere really new, and especially like me, where I moved here without a job in Denmark, it is harder because the I think the fabric that lets you make friends as a young person, like whether it's college or school or something like that, as an adult, then it's work or a hobby. And if you don't have a traditional job or don't have a job yet, you're trying to find a job, which God knows we know it's difficult to find a job here. Yeah, as a Dane and as a foreigner. Absolutely. You don't have that outlet. It does not make it simple to be like, oh hey, I'm trying to think of a Danish name right now. Christina.

unknown 18:10

Yeah. Christina.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

I would I would uh yeah. Uh I would love, you know, to grab a coffee. Like you don't have that that window to find them. And so then you're trying to find it in these little pod groups that you then you know try and find that way of seeing people a lot.

SPEAKER_01 18:28

It's it's a bit like dating.

unknown 18:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:32

Yeah. I I mean, I'm I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

Neither of us are an expert on dating right now, by the way. We haven't dated in a really long time. And I've certainly never dated here. We should do an episode on dating in Denmark and bring in a special, a special guest here.

SPEAKER_01 18:48

We should absolutely bring someone on who knows something about dating in Denmark because we hear fun stories about that too. Yeah. But I agree with what you're saying. I just have I've had a different experience and I have a slightly different feeling. Yeah, yeah, tell me. Just we've talked about this before. I do Brits don't go through the same school system as Danes. So we don't just form the circle at like six years old and then they just uh generally remain friends throughout life. We are more transient. We change uh schools at different points before 18. So you kind of get used to this. Like it's not I wouldn't call it transient childhood friends, but you get less time to form that deep, deep friendship. Yeah. And also you kind of know well, it's like a lottery, what school you're gonna end up in. You don't all get to go to the same school. There are many schools that you can go to because it's bigger and etc. And I think that does something to kids. I think we just we're not we're not like flaky. No. I have friends now that I have been friends with, some of them for 20 years and and more, but generally they're not my school friends because we change so much and we move around. And I think you just build something in you, a resilience and a different approach to friendship, which in some ways works very well for me coming somewhere like Denmark because I am used to the effort. Yes, that upfront grind, saying yes, all of that stuff. When I read the article, I was like, yeah, I can it makes a lot of sense, you know, like that they would say this because it feels like that's something that you just have to do, and it feels like something I have definitely done, not just here, but also in London. When I moved to London, I also didn't have friends, I didn't really know people there. I had to form my circle again. And yeah, it is so yeah, the dating analogy is funny and I get it because you do have to kiss a lot of frogs. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what the right um the right way to say it is. It's not, but you get what I mean.

SPEAKER_00 20:53

Yeah. I mean you're you you can find much like dating, you can find it where you meet someone and immediately are like, wow, this is a good friend, and that's it, and and it just clicks. But there are gonna be times that you're gonna start to make a friend and then be like, maybe it's not the perfect match. That's a little bit awkward too, but then you're 13 again.

SPEAKER_01 21:09

Yeah. Oh, wait, why didn't they contacted me?

SPEAKER_00 21:14

I sent them a I sent them a text. I've invited them. Oh, that came up in the article where the person had uh invited people multiple times and they just didn't respond. Yeah. So yeah, it happens in life, friendships, and dating. Ghosting may happen.

SPEAKER_01 21:27

And there's also some looking inward at that point. Like, am I saying crazy shit at the dinner? Like I'm maybe my monologue approach wasn't right.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

I don't know. Yeah, I I get that. But let's talk about the fact that like now you've been here nine years, I've been here 18 months, and we've found our people. I I would say I'm I'm in the process still. I'm still early ish. Yeah, but I've definitely I've very lucky that in the the pretty short amount of time right I have uh I've been able to to get to start getting my village to start getting my village and how did that happen for you because you've you've been here a longer longer and you've had different ways of doing it just as like even tips for people.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

Oh yeah I mean I have to try and think back now. Um for me it yeah it started through work. When I moved here I had a job straight away I applied whilst I lived in London and then I moved here and I had like one weekend and then I was straight in on the Monday morning. Yeah and I worked for like a high growth they're not called SAS now but it was back then SaaS company. It's not allowed anymore that but yeah it was a SAS and they were very international. So there was even another Brit in my team and her and I are still friends this day and then I connected very well with a couple of others and we are all still friends to this day. So that's where it started I stole my best friend from my husband best friend his wife so a little bit of stealing actually I'm just gonna remind you of something you said across the table which is quite hilarious. Meg made this funny point about um basically guys you know we're talking about how how hard it's to make friends and things like that. And then Meg said no but this is my tactic is you find a Dane and they show any interest and you latch onto them and you hang in for deal life and you just keep going and you're relentless practically stalking. It was very funny and everyone was laughing because we kind of get the sentiment that you Danes are just a little bit harder to crack. So I I guess in some ways I did that I feel like it was reciprocated. I don't feel like I was stalking and she was like what the hell okay well now we'll just become best friends because you're so persistent. We had a lot in common um and yeah so she's a wonderful friend. And then honestly from there motherhood opens some doors because you had your children here. Yes exactly yeah I think that really helps I think when you don't have children here it's probably when they get to like latter years of Bernie Hale when they start naturally being like I want a play date with so and so and then you connect with the parents and then maybe something can grow from there. Yeah but with school has made like I've talked about this before school is like different a whole other level of social interaction some from the school and some just between parents and one of the things we have going now which I've actually just organized the next one is Moa Veen. So Mom's wine love we love the name because it works in English and Danish because of course more wine and more been I mean they both work.

SPEAKER_00 24:44

Can I steal it?

SPEAKER_01 24:47

And yeah so we will meet very soon again of course drinking wine that is the common ground there so there's a tip but it's so nice and it's just a different way to connect and you know yeah you talk about the kids but actually I found last time we talked about lots of other stuff as well and we have that in common but it's clear that we have other things in common. And then I those are my main roads so work was a I think international friends. Yeah then I got Danish friends from work. That was like my second third job right and we're still great friends now. So it's been a real mix to be honest. And then obviously your husband yes my husband so I got yeah of course I'll give my husband full credit for uh my best friend we've talked about this before he knows but everything else is just like honestly it is saying yes to things. Yeah get out there put yourself out there be brave be vulnerable maybe you get some that are like too busy can't do it but often people I find people really are all looking yeah for that level of friendship.

SPEAKER_00 25:57

So I luckily I think about you yeah this is yeah this is a good way because I have a very I I didn't have a job I still don't have a Danish job. I had a a job that I was working with a an American company which is at least it's not really going to be an opportunity for me to get out there and mingle here in Denmark when I'm like you know working with it with a with a US based company. But I did the same thing of getting myself out there. I did not have my child here so I didn't get to have the mom group which is I think is such a fantastic such a fantastic concept and really cool thing that they have here when you have your baby here um setting you up with other mothers. Yeah definitely but when you don't then you don't have that kind of like connection but I I had my second child which is my dog and he has been a fantastic gate or key to opening gates to meeting people the dog pot friends. The dog my dog park friends who have become genuinely really good friends. We invite each other out to do things we go out for drinks they've come to my house we've gone to dinners together. Yes I owe two of you guys the sushi dinner uh setup I I know and you're listeners so I'm gonna do it. But that was the idea of like getting out there and moving in it. And then from there I've met people I go to a wine club that's international women uh that was started by actually a French woman and I got invited to it and I go every month and I met a Dane there and I really hit it up with her and then I invited her for coffee and you know we've started that friendship. And you know anyone you find that you're connecting with it's like just say you know what I really like that person. I'm gonna invite them for coffee or a glass of wine and see what happens. Actually going to a Danish birthday party with my husband a few weeks ago I clicked with another woman she's Danish. We really liked each other we immediately found a way to connect and you know had drinks together. That's the way it's like you know it is and it goes back to the article putting yourself out there and just trying and it's it's scary. I mean I'm naturally an outgoing person but it's still it's hard on me too. And then there's other there's expat groups too that you can join right there's a lot of amazing organizations and pop-up things that you can go to and based on if you love running or based on if you want to do picnics or even language exchange, there are opportunities to connect not always with Danes. A lot of them are international ones but there are also opportunities to connect with Danes.

SPEAKER_01 28:20

Yeah and that's exactly and and also the goal isn't necessarily recreating what you left behind. Absolutely it's building something that fits your life now we can all romanticize and pine for what we had and but life has also moved on most people who move here you enter a new chapter by default because your identity starts to shift and things change and then you add kids into that dogs whatever it is right new job all of the life changes that come but for me it's simple a village it's surround yourself with people who are there for you without judgment people who can help when life gets difficult um people who celebrate you when life goes well and people who bring good energy I mean let's be honest I'm in my 40s now you're in your 40s I do not have time for negativity for bad energy I I just I just don't have I don't have an end man anymore I just don't this is not worth that I just want to be I just want to be around you know you don't have to be happy happy happy all the time because that's not life but you know you just want to be surrounded by good energy. Yeah and my village helped me and one of them I know is a listener so now she's gonna be smiling because I'm gonna give her a a shout out but on Monday I have to take one of my kids to hospital appointment and I messaged her and said hey would it be okay if um my other kid who goes to school with your kid would you mind dropping him in because it's a really early appointment. Oh yeah she immediately replied and said absolutely and we can pick him up earlier and also should I drop the little one off for you you know it's like it's just so cool to have that in my armory. Now we don't rely just on my husband's family. Now it's actually really building out so for me that's and I love to repay that as well. You you've babysat for us when we wanted to go to the opera she took three kids and put them all to bed.

SPEAKER_00 30:19

And Meg has one kid so this to me I mean most people would be like are you crazy but it worked very well I had a wonderful time but you know part of the village it's the this is what we do for each other right it is it's picking up it's being there and you know especially we're we're we're both married obviously so we have partners we have husbands we have everything and they are there for us but sometimes they're busy sometimes they're traveling and like you can't you can't and we all get so much from our husbands but we also get something very very unique from our girlfriends different from girlfriends. Yes it is and honestly I agree with you husbands are fantastic but they are they cannot give you the same things that girlfriends do. No majority of your time your village as a woman is going to be filled with girlfriends.

SPEAKER_01 31:03

You can just be like oh this thing happened to me and they're like uh-huh yeah it's like you know they really relate to it you know the other one thing I didn't mention actually about I have another requirement for my village so everybody who's listening that's in my village people who'll dance on the table with you the gauntlet is down I haven't done that for while I'm and I also just said how old I am so maybe that I'm another of three in my 40s I don't think that those days are ever over. There's always a special place for that. Once every few years you can bring it out we are going to celebrate my birthday soon. That's true.

SPEAKER_00 31:38

You're coming I know some of the all the village is going to be there so I need to make sure I wear dancing on the table shoes something not too high so you lose your balance or and have a good enough tread so you're not slipping.

SPEAKER_01 31:50

But I feel like it's you know it's a basic requirement.

SPEAKER_00 31:52

Yeah I'm I'm I'm for that I'm there but I think you know this is where we'd love to hear from you. How have you how have you started to build your village?

SPEAKER_01 32:02

What are things you've tried that honestly be like yeah it didn't work I mean or also what have we said and you're like oh my God I just this just doesn't resonate with me.

SPEAKER_00 32:10

Exactly like I can't do it. Like we'd love to hear we'd love to even give you like our tips. We have other friends who've approached this differently but yeah so you know are you building your village here? Has it been successful? Um are you somewhere else and trying to build this village? It's not just here in Denmark. Have you found your people are you still figuring it out?

SPEAKER_01 32:29

Yep so write to us at thescandyshift at gmail.com or send us a DM on on Instagram.

SPEAKER_00 32:34

You can always do that.

SPEAKER_01 32:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:36

And if you enjoyed this episode please rate review and subscribe obviously it helps people find the show. Tag for day tag for day