Get Comfortable Asking For Help

Episode 7: Get Comfortable Asking for Help

If you’re the one people come to, it’s hard for you to ask for help or admit you need some. It doesn’t come naturally to the people-pleasers among us.

In this episode of Something for the Busy Brain, I am talking about why asking for help can feel so hard, especially when you’ve got ADHD or a brain that never switches off. Not because you’re unwilling. Not because you’re difficult. But because you’ve learned, over time, that coping alone is what makes you “good enough.”

And I want to gently challenge that.

Because so many people with busy brains are walking around with invisible weight: overwhelm, decision fatigue, emotional overload, self-doubt, shame, the constant feeling of being behind… and a private fear that if you stop holding it all together, everything will fall apart.

This episode is a reminder that support isn’t weakness - it’s scaffolding.
It’s the thing that helps you breathe again.
Sleep again.
Think again.
Feel like yourself again.

I talk about what real support looks like (not being “fixed” - being supported), why the right people make all the difference, and a few simple ways to start asking without needing a full meltdown first.

And I’ll leave you with a small challenge: in the next 24 hours, to ask for one small piece of support - specific, simple, doable. Just one. Because you were never meant to do all of this on your own. You just got used to it.

About the host:
I am a mental health and wellbeing coach who supports adults with busy brains — including ADHD — to find calm, clarity, and self-trust.

Support beyond the podcast:
I offer a free, no-obligation 30-minute call.
You’ll find my contact details below:

https://www.goodtothinkdifferently.com/coaching
ben@goodtothinkdifferently.com

Transcript

Ben (00:00)
Welcome to something for the busy brain, a supportive podcast for people whose brains rarely switch off. I'm Ben Cook, mental health and wellbeing life coach, and I help simplify the lives of people with busy brains, including ADHD. Today's subject is getting comfortable asking for help.

What if you sat there thinking, Ben, I am the help. I'm the one people normally come to. I'm the one that holds everything together. I'm the one that figures it all out. I'm the one that copes.

So when someone tells you, you need to ask for help more often.

It doesn't feel very natural.

Now, if you're a genuinely good person, and you know you are, and I mean perfect, not a saint, but you try, you care, you show up every day, you do your best to try and put good out into the world, then you deserve to be supported. And you deserve to feel supported. Not because you're weak, not because you failed.

but because you're human.

But asking for help can feel so tough. It can feel like admitting something isn't working. Like you're admitting something about you isn't working.

And if you've got a busy brain or ADHD, you might be carrying a big old bag of embarrassment, of shame. I should be able to do this on my own. So let's quickly try and reframe it. What if support was the very thing that got you closer to the life you want to live? To achieving your ambitions, to being the person you know you want to be.

What if a healthier way of seeing life was this? We weren't meant to do this on our own. We just got used to it. We got praised for it. We got rewarded for being independent. And some of us maybe felt like there was no other option.

But maybe it's time you got out of your own way.

Support isn't the magic pill, but it's bloody close.

Now let's talk ADHD for a second, but what I'm about to say widely applies to all the overthinkers and busy brains out there. People ask about medicinal support and non medicinal support. Medication can be life-changing for some people with ADHD and other neurodivergences, anxiety, depression. It really can.

And for others, it's not the answer, or it's only part of it, or it takes time to get it right.

But I want to tell you something that doesn't get said. Or certainly doesn't get said, doesn't get said enough. One of the best things for ADHD is support. Actual support. Human support. Practical, emotional support. The kind of support that stops you feeling like you've got 47 browser tabs open in your mind and someone keeps on opening more.

Because ADHD isn't just, can't focus. It's feeling overwhelmed. It's emotional overload. It's decision fatigue. It's crippling self doubt, like paralysis. Feeling like you're always behind. Always comparing yourself to other people. Feeling like you're too much or not enough or flitting between

The two ping-ponging in the same bloody day.

And when you're carrying all of that, support isn't a luxury. It's your scaffolding.

Now, if you're exploring a diagnosis or you've recently been diagnosed or you suspect you've got ADHD and you're trying to make sense of your brain, support from people with lived experience can be gold dust. Because lived experience gives you something that you can't find on Google or chat GPT. Other AI models are available.

That lived experience can give you that feeling of you too. So it's not just me then.

That moment of shared human pain and shared understanding can soften years of self-blame and self-judgment. But here's an important point. If someone isn't helpful, they're simply the wrong person. That's it. So ask someone else. Try a different person. Try a different approach. Try a different community. You're not

too complicated. You're not hard work. You're just not getting what you need or deserve yet. So let's slow this right down and make it personal. If you're struggling with your busy brain, if you're tired, if you're behind, if you're feeling overwhelmed, if you're constantly firefighting, I'm going to ask you a question now.

I actually want you to answer it in your head or out loud, whatever works, but answer it.

How might your life feel different?

you were supported.

Just let that sit there. How might your life feel different if you were more supported? Not fixed, not cured, supported.

Feels lighter, doesn't it?

What would you change if you didn't feel like it was all on you? If you weren't carrying everything in your brain, in your chest, in your nervous system, if you didn't feel so consumed by it all, would you sleep better?

Would you be less irritable? Would you stop snapping at the people you love?

Would you stop snapping at yourself? Be a bit kinder.

Would you take those risks you've been too scared to take? Would you finally do the thing that you keep on saying you'll do when life calms down or when you've got the time?

Here's another truth. Some of you listening have a brilliantly creative, innovative, game-changing brain.

And you've got the benefit of being able to see what could be. You can connect the dots that others don't even seem to notice. Sometimes you genuinely feel like you could change the world. It's a powerful, powerful feeling. And then you try to do it alone.

And surprise, surprise, it becomes too much. And the ideas stay as ideas. Because trying to be a thought leader, treading new, uncharted territory, can feel really bloody daunting and scary. It can make you question yourself deeply and trigger that horrible self-limiting view. Maybe I've overestimated myself.

Maybe what I'm trying to do is a bit beyond me. What if I'm not just cut out for this? What if my idea should just stay as an idea?

Here's a what if though, what if today's problems could become tomorrow's And another one, what if the right people with innovative minds were given the right support? And that includes you. That idea of yours maybe just needs to find the right people. You are worthy of support. Asking for support.

isn't weakness. It's recognising your own brilliance and accepting that there are areas that other people's skills will simply be more equipped for. If it feels too much to carry on your own, it probably is, so share it. I've had to learn to do all this myself and I'll always be a work in progress. Asking for help does not come easy.

But these days I do ask, this is why I have a VA, Ellie, virtual assistant to the less informed and she's bloody amazing by the way.

Because without support, without that scaffolding...

There's just a lot for me to try and manage on my own. And I wouldn't cope.

and my brain can peel wildly chaotic and frantic little gremlin of times.

So I don't pretend I can do it all. I know I can't. I don't try to win some imaginary award for... most independent person who's secretly a breaking point.

I get help these days.

Because I want my energy going into the stuff only I can do? Coaching, creating, connecting, speaking, supporting people, making a difference in this world, not spending my best energy on the bits that drain me.

Now, underneath most of my clients, there's a feeling of support being missing. They don't always say it like that, but I see it. I feel it and I hear it in the language they use. They talk about procrastination. They're overwhelmed. They're burnt out.

They're confidence. They're feeling stuck. Struggling to get started, feeling low on energy, feeling like they're always falling short.

But when you strip all of that back, there's often a quiet truth.

that they don't feel supported.

And when they finally ask for coaching, they find that support. And I do my best to make them feel supported.

and equip them with the skills to support themselves better independently.

You too can support yourself better. Ask yourself honestly, could you feel more supported in an area of your life?

Have you actually asked for that help?

because this is the bit that stings.

We want support, but we don't ask. Or we ask in a vague way. Or we hint. Or we wait until we're at breaking point. Then we explode, then we feel guilty, then we tell ourselves we'll handle it differently next time. Yada yada yada.

Let's have a look at some practical ways you can support yourself. And I'll start with something really bloody obvious. Lots of people like being asked for help.

Think about that. They like being asked for help.

It makes them feel useful, wanted. It makes them feel trusted. It gives them a role in your life.

Think about how you feel when someone asks you for help or support.

Now I know I can get incredibly overwhelmed with my house sometimes. It's not dirty, just untidy. There's clutter, doom piles everywhere. Now I can tidy someone else's house really easily and do an exceptional job. But when it comes to my own,

Sometimes I'll invite a friend over for a cuppa while I clean. Not for them to clean, just for them to be there. Because having someone else in the room makes it feel easier. It adds company. It has momentum. It stops the task feeling like a mountain. And good friends don't mind helping.

Think about it.

Would you mind keeping me company while I do a bit of sorting? I'll return the favor. Or you could ask for something more specific. Can you help me with my filing for an hour? I'll owe you one. What do you need help with?

Sometimes the answer is staring us in the face, but we're just not in the habit of asking. Support can be as simple as another human with you while you do the thing.

Support isn't necessarily someone doing it for you. Support can be someone helping you prioritize, someone helping you start or finish, someone helping you be kinder to yourself, someone helping you not spiral when you're having a wobble. Support could be a reminder. You're not lazy. You're not overloaded. You're not broken. You're just unsupported.

Here's a small challenge, just a small brave step. In the next 48 hours.

Ask for support with something. No, actually, no, not on the next 48 hours. In the next 24 hours, let's make it sooner. In the next 24 hours. Ask for support on something.

Just one small thing. And be specific, not, I need help with everything. Just one thing.

Can you sit with me while I tidy for 30 minutes? Can you help me choose which one of these three things to do first?

Can you remind me tomorrow at 10 to send that email? Can you body double with me on a video call while I do my admin?

I talk to you for 10 minutes? I'm up and sewing my head a bit and I need a reality check.

And if the first person isn't helpful, they're just the wrong person. Ask someone else. Because the point of this episode is simple. You don't need to do these things on your own. You were probably never meant to. And being supported frees up so much mental clutter. It quietens that self doubt. You know, that voice that says, I can't do this.

I'm rubbish, I always fail, no one else struggles like this. Nope. You just haven't got the right support yet. Or you probably haven't actually asked for it.

You deserve support. Not because you're failing, but because you're trying. So share the burden. Dilute the pressure. That person you're guilty of not asking could be the person that actually thanks you for involving them. So get in the bloody habit of asking and I'll see you in the next episode.

If this episode helped, click follow or give me that wonderful five star rating. And if you'd like my help or support, then maybe take that first step yourself. Click the bloody link in the episode description to book us in on a call, lean into that wonderful impulsivity and just see where that very first step takes you.