I Feel Like a Failure, But I Know I’m Not

If you feel you'd benefit from the sound of someone else who's struggling, then listen away - Here I am - broken, croaky and vulnerable. It was painful to record, but it's got a load off my mind in doing so. Here's hoping there's a golden nugget in there for you too.

It's okay not to feel okay. It doesn't make it any easier when you're in the thick of that feeling though!

In this episode of Something for the Busy Brain, I talk openly about the reality of life with a new puppy, anxiety, overwhelm, lack of sleep, and what happens when a busy brain gets pushed beyond its limits.

Moose, my puppy, is doing brilliantly. I’m the one struggling.

What I expected to feel like joy, connection and excitement has also brought palpitations, hypervigilance, exhaustion, intrusive thoughts, shame, fear, and a level of anxiety I haven’t experienced in years. This episode is a real-time reflection on neurodivergence, emotional overwhelm, mental health, and the pressure of trying to cope when your brain feels like a saturated sponge.

I also talk about why sharing when you’re struggling matters, how coaching can help create space to think more clearly, and why not every difficult chapter means you’re failing.

This episode may resonate if you are:

• living with ADHD or a busy brain
• feeling overwhelmed by change or responsibility
• struggling with anxiety, burnout or emotional dysregulation
• navigating puppy life, pet ownership or life transitions
• finding it hard to ask for support
• trying to hold it together while quietly falling apart

This is an episode about mental health, vulnerability, neurodivergence, and being honest when things feel hard.

Topics covered: ADHD, anxiety, overwhelm, puppy blues, new puppy stress, neurodivergence, emotional regulation, burnout, coaching, mental health, vulnerability, sleep deprivation, intrusive thoughts, asking for help, adult ADHD, busy brain struggles.

If this episode speaks to you, please share it with someone else who may need to hear that they’re not the only one struggling.

Transcript

Speaker 0:00

Ben (00:00) Okay, so there's having a busy brain and there's having a busy brain with a puppy in your life. And I know this is the second week I've talked about my puppy, but he has been all consuming. The only thing I've been able to think about. He, as I said last week, has been absolutely incredible, but it's me who's stressing. Am I doing things right? Am I doing enough? Am I doing too much? The truth is I only really need to look at him and see how he's doing to gauge how everything's going. And it's going really, really well. He's incredible. He really is. He's responding well. He's still sleeping through. He settles himself when I need him to be calm. He's calm in his crate and he's in all for all the right reasons. He is excelling. But my God, my anxiety has been through the bloody roof. And I think it's really healthy for me to share that because right now I'm struggling and I'm right in the thick of it. I've had palpitations that have lasted all day, every single day, ever since I got him. I'm still getting terrible sleep. Even when the puppy is asleep, I'm not resting. ⁓ Not through choice. ⁓ But my brain has just been hypervigilance. Like when you're a new parent and you're listening out, is that the baby crying? Is that the baby crying? And I just haven't been able to switch off. It's been crushingly exhausting. I haven't been able to concentrate on anything else. I've been sweating throughout the day. I've been struggling to stay awake. ⁓ The sheer exhaustion of being responsible for this little pup has completely and utterly floored me. And if I'm honest, there have been too many times when I've regretted getting this gorgeous little fluffy man. And that's not fair on him. But that's not on him, that's on me. And that's me recognizing where my brain currently is at. Because what I'm experiencing isn't a reflection of him being difficult. It's just down to how completely overwhelmed I've become. Now I knew this was going to be a considerable investment. I knew I'd be putting a lot into this relationship with my little moose. I also know that what I put in, what I invest, I'll get back many, many, many times over. That's what everyone tells me, but it's all consuming, totally all consuming. And I think sometimes we can be guilty of having an idealistic view of what things will be like. ⁓ I think I probably fast tracked a few months ahead in my head. I could see him on a lead, us out for walks, going for coffees, doing life together in that way. But right now I'm having to carry him everywhere. I'm having to navigate how things are with him and the cats, which again is going well, but I'm having to just be hyper alert. I'm having to work around the house and the environment and the fact that What I thought I'd set up perfectly for him just isn't working the way I imagined. So I'm having to rearrange things whilst keeping him contained, which just doesn't work. and the thing. Yeah, it's not until you've got the puppy that you suddenly start seeing things through their eyes. You're not just trying to keep them mentally and physically stimulated. You're trying to keep your own emotions regulated, which is hard enough at the best of times. You're trying to stop them chewing wires, doing this, doing that. You're trying to work out whether the setup works for the cats and some of the bits of puppyhood that you really want to be enjoying. I know I'm missing because I'm too stressed and I'm just wanting him to be asleep again so that I can stop. And that's been one of the hardest parts. Two weeks ago, I was in an incredibly stable place and this puppy, not through his own actions, just through me having that additional responsibility has completely and utterly battered me. I've... almost lost the ability to think a great deal of the time. It's affecting my work. I struggle to relax, but I don't relax. I feel trapped and I shouldn't be feeling trapped. It almost feels a bit like COVID again, where every day rolls into one and there's a lack of change, lack of novelty, a lack of stimulation. ⁓ And that's really hard when your brain needs movement, freshness and variation. What I'm struggling with is that Groundhog Day feeling. When your brain is, like I call it, a saturated sponge, it's hard to find space for anything else. It's impossible to prioritize work when you've got those responsibilities at the forefront of your mind. And as someone who's already got a very, very busy brain, this has really, really, really thrown me. I was speaking to my VA yesterday and she said, if you're neurodivergent, having a puppy can completely and utterly dysregulate you. And she opened up about some of the challenges she's experienced and that really landed because that's exactly what's happened with me. I'm doing the practical stuff, but emotionally and mentally I've taken a big hit. I've spent way too much time inside my own head. doing things on my own and when you're already prone to anxiety, when you're already prone to taking on too much, when you're already someone who can become completely overwhelmed, this kind of change can shake you far more than you actually expected. And I've had some horrible feelings around, how do I tell the kids I've taken on too much with this puppy? What will everyone else think of me if I have to give it back? What will the kids think of me? They'll always remember the day daddy returned the puppy and broke their hearts. And that thought alone is crushing. thinking about what other people might say behind my back, thinking that I've failed. And I have felt like I've been failing. But the reality is I've struggled severely in the last few days and I think that alone needs to be shared. because it matters for people to hear that. Especially when you're someone like me, a coach, someone who supports other people, someone who is usually trying to hold things together. I know what it does to me when I get too caught up inside my own brain. I also know that when you're not sleeping properly, when anxiety is peaking, when depressive episodes are hovering, it massively affects your outlook. It affects everything. And because I'm struggling to work at the moment as a result of this beautiful little puppy, I need support. I need help. I need positive influence. But I also need perspective. Because the truth is, I haven't experienced anxiety like this for a good few years. And the last time I experienced this level of anxiety, I became suicidal. So yes, this does bring up horrible memories and flashbacks of how I felt back then. This is part of why this has felt so frightening. It's not just present day overwhelm. It's what it stirs up emotionally from the past. And that makes it so much heavier. But I also know this isn't that. And that is critically important here. I know I'll make it through. I'm putting too much pressure on myself. I know this. I know this incredibly difficult chapter, but it's not a permanent state. I know I need support and I know I need to be okay asking for that support. And actually things improved this afternoon when I got out and went for coffee and took the dog. And he fell asleep on my lap predictably because he's brilliant. But I spoke with people when I was out and about puppy life. Things also improved when I spoke to a couple of my neighbours who've also got dogs and they expressed exactly the same feelings. They said they'd had moments of asking people, can you come around and just sit with my puppy for a bit because I can't cope. And that normalizes things. But even when something is normal, you're still the one in it. You're still the one having to deal with your emotions. You're still the one trying to steady yourself. And that can be an incredibly disheartening and lonely place to be when you don't see progress in the way others might. So I've booked a session with my coach tomorrow morning. And honestly, sometimes that coaching space is all you need. Coaching gives you that space to figure things out for yourself. The right coach with the right questions can help direct your thinking and influence more positive thinking at a time when your brain is telling you all sorts of things that aren't helping. I know that out with my coach Joe tomorrow will move me forward. In an ideal world, I'd have someone here with me sharing the burden with the dog. But the best thing I can do tomorrow is make sure the dog is tired, make sure he sleeps and make sure I have an uninterrupted coaching call with Joe and use that session to move things forward while I'm in it. Because I know I need accountability. I know I need a sense of achievement. I know I need support. And yes, I should probably be getting a sense of achievement from the dog and how he's responding to me as his owner. But not everyone is great at acknowledging or feeling that sense of achievement, even when they are achieving, even when others tell them they're achieving. If you don't feel it, you don't feel it. I'm the one that's struggling here, not the dog. So I'm not sure there's some neat little life lesson here. Other than this, share when you're struggling. Even if it's just you recording your thoughts for yourself, it will mean they occupy a little less space in your brain. And you might find the answers when you're talking to yourself or talking to friends. So share. Please share when you're struggling. Don't sit alone in the noise of your own brain convincing yourself you should be coping better. Note to self. Don't assume that because something is going well on the outside that you must be okay on the inside. Don't wait until you've got a polished version of your pain before you talk about it. Right now, I am struggling. Right now, I feel overwhelmed. Right now this beautiful little puppy has brought me love and joy and purpose and I see how he is with the kids and it is beautiful thing to behold but he's also brought anxiety, exhaustion, pressure and immense fear. And all of that can be true at the same time. but I also know I'll make it through. I know this chapter will pass as torturous as it is right now. know Moose and I will find our rhythm. I know I'll get some steadiness, some stability back. And I know that speaking honestly about where I am is part of how I'll get through it. So if you're struggling too, if you're overwhelmed, I know I've said this in a previous episode, but if your brain is saturated and your emotions are all over the place, please talk to someone, share it. Because sometimes that's the first thing that helps the pressure start to lift a little bit. Think about what you're struggling with and share it. And I'll see you in the next episode, which may or may not be about my bloody dog again. Hopefully I'll have something new for you though. We'll see.