What Actually Counts as Success?

After a tough few weeks, something shifted!!!

Not dramatically. Not in a “my life is fixed” kind of way.
But enough to feel lighter. Calmer. A bit more in control.

In this episode, I explore what’s been behind that shift and it comes down to something surprisingly simple… how we measure success.

Because here’s the truth.

You can get things done, tick off tasks, be productive on paper…
and still feel absolutely nothing.

Flat. Disconnected. Like it doesn’t count.

Especially with an ADHD or busy brain, success doesn’t always come from completing tasks. It comes from connection. From caring. From feeling emotionally invested in what you’re doing.

Using my recent experience with my puppy Moose as context (don’t worry, this isn’t a puppy episode), I share how small, meaningful moments started to land in a way that traditional “productivity” never really has.

And how that’s led me to ask a much more important question:

What actually matters to me?

Inside this episode:

•  Why traditional measures of success don’t work for everyone 
•  The link between emotional connection and motivation 
•  How ADHD brains experience achievement differently 
•  Why you might feel like you’re falling short… even when you’re not 
•  Redefining success in a way that actually fits your life 
•  A simple daily question that can change how you see your day 
•  The power of small wins, especially when you’re struggling 
•  How three simple words can guide how you show up 

This is a reflective, honest episode about letting go of other people’s expectations…
 and starting to measure your life in a way that actually feels meaningful to you.

Because success isn’t always loud, visible, or impressive.

Sometimes it’s quieter than that.

Sometimes it’s just:

•  getting through the day 
•  staying kind to yourself 
•  or not abandoning yourself when things feel hard 

And that counts.

🎙️ Something for the Busy Brain is a podcast for people whose minds rarely switch off.
Honest, supportive conversations about ADHD, mental health, overwhelm, and learning to feel more like yourself again.

Transcript

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I promise you, from the bottom of my heart, this is not another puppy update from me. But he does feature purely for context, of course. So after a tough going last few weeks where I've openly struggled, my life has felt significantly lighter the last few days. And yes, my puppy Moose has been a huge part of that, so he does deserve to feature. But something has shifted in me in these last few days. I've walked taller, felt, and sounded different. Nothing dramatic though. I haven't suddenly become some calmer, more together version of myself. I'm still overthinking, I'm still tired, I'm still carrying way too much in my head. But underneath it all, life has felt lighter, calmer, and I've felt more in control. And I've been trying to understand why. And I've come to the conclusion that a lot of it boils down to achievement. Or more specifically, how we or how I've been measuring it. Now I rarely get that strong sense of satisfaction that other people seem to get when they've done something productive. Others love their lists and the feelings they get when they when they cross something off. I simply don't experience that in the way other people do. I very rarely praise myself or give myself a pat on the back in acknowledgement. That's great for other people, but it doesn't work for me. I can get something done and still feel flat or unmotivated. I finished a task, but it's registered nothing emotionally. And the more I've thought about it, the more I realize that success only really seems to hit me when I care about the task or the thing. I need to be emotionally invested in it. I need to feel connected to it. I need it to matter to me. And that feels especially true with an ADHD, Braden. When something means something to you, you can bring it so much energy, focus, creativity, patience, persistence. You can stick with it because there's something in it for you on a deeper level. But when that connection isn't there, tasks others deem to be quick and simple can feel energy sappingly torturous to me. Explaining to others how and why I find certain things so difficult can then make me feel like I'm a bit broken, useless, or inferior. It doesn't really matter whether a task is important on paper or sensible, paid or expected. My system just doesn't come alive for it in the same way it would do for other people. And I think that's part of what's happening with my puppy Moose. The last three and a half weeks have been grueling with my mental health, triggered by my new puppy. He's been at the center of my universe permanently. I've overthought things massively. I've doubted myself. I've questioned whether I'm doing enough, whether I'm doing the right things, whether I'm helping him settle, whether I'm missing something, and it's been relentless. But over the last few days, I've started to notice little changes in him. He feels calmer with me. More responsive. There's more of a sense that he's taking things in. Even when we play, it feels different. Less frantic, more connected. More like we're learning each other, learning from each other a bit now. And that's had a really incredible effect on me. Because those little shifts don't feel little when you're deeply invested. They feel big. Seeing him bring a ball back feels good. And if he does that fifteen or twenty times, that's fifteen to twenty little dopamine hits I get from seeing it. Seeing him patiently wait for things, like his food, or for me to throw the frisbee, feels really good. Realizing that my calm helps him find his own calm feels wonderful. And there's something about that which has really landed with me in a way other things often don't. And I think that's the very bit I've been sitting with. This isn't about my dog or any dogs. It's about how differently success feels when your heart is involved in something. And that's probably the question underneath all of this. What actually matters to me? Where do I feel connected? Where do I feel invested? The answers to those questions will probably tell you far more about your version of success than all the stuff you've absorbed from other people. Way too many of us waste our time measuring ourselves by things that simply don't fit us, by things that sound sensible or impressive or grown up. And then we feel flat or disconnected or like we're constantly falling short. It's worth stopping and asking yourself what's actually important to you? Not what should be important, not what sounds good, but what other people seem to care about. Just you. What matters to you as a person? How do you want to show up at your best? What sort of life feels meaningful to you? Even asking those questions can make all the difference. Realizing realizing you've perhaps been judging yourself by the wrong bloody criteria. For some people, success genuinely will be all about career, progress, ambition, and visible achievement. And that's cool. But that's not the only place success lives. Sometimes it's far more personal than that. Success can sit in your relationships, in how patient you've been, in how you've spoken to yourself, in how present you've managed to be with your kids. Success can be whether you've kept going through a rough patch without becoming someone you don't want to be, or whether you've looked after yourself at all. Those things are not secondary. They really count. And at my best, I keep coming back to one simple aim. I want to feel proud of who I am or what I've done by the end of the day. And that works so much better for me than chasing someone else's version of productivity. And it makes me stop and think what would make me feel proud today? Not what would make me look productive, not what would impress someone else, just what would actually feel right for me by the end of the day. On hard days, success could look like having a shower, making the bed, brushing my teeth at a sensible time, decent time, drinking more water, getting outside, doing one thing that feels like self-care. Those things can look tiny or insignificant to someone else. But to us on those toughest days, they're often the exact things that pull us closer to what we need. So they need to count. If the only things you ever value are the big, visible, impressive ones, you end up missing so much of the effort and care that is you quietly holding your life together. And when you're struggling, goals don't have to be huge. Sometimes it's about simply not abandoning yourself. Doing one small thing that creates a little bit more steadiness. Ending the day, knowing you've stayed with yourself in some way. That matters. Something that really helps me is having three simple words to live by each day. But these three words just pull me back towards the kind of person I want to be. And my words are help, compliment, appreciate. They're the glue that bring me back to that beautiful human connection. And connection is usually the thing my medicine, my essential ingredient that helps me feel better. Helping feels very natural to me. But I do have to keep an eye on not overdoing it and slipping into people-pleasing mode. Being able to make someone else's life a bit easier feels good in a really grounded way. It reminds me of who I am and the person I like to be. Complimenting people is one of those things that that sounds small, but it can really stay with someone and make the biggest difference in their day. And I love that. You might notice warmth in someone, or patience, or effort, or the way they've handled something, or how they've spoken to their child, or how kind they've been. Sometimes we might just think it, but actually saying it out loud to someone can be can land really beautifully with them. You can see the immediate difference you've made in someone's day, in someone's life, that little softening, that little lift. And there's something really special in that. And appreciation helps too. It stops everything becoming so functional, transactional, and taken for granted. It makes you notice effort, kindness, the little bits of humanity that can easily pass by if you're rushing through the day. It slows things down just enough to actually feel them. Now your three words might be completely different, and that's the point. They don't need to be clever. They just need to feel true to who you are. Something that reminds you what matters to you. Something that helps you come back to yourself when your head is all over the place. And that might just be a useful thing to think about. What words feel like you? What do they say about the way you want to live or the kind of presence you want to bring into the world? Because once you get clear on that stuff, you might stop measuring yourself in ways that were never really right for you. You might stop analysing yourself through the wrong lens. You might stop overlooking the parts of your life that really, really matter. Just because they might not look or feel as impressive to other people. This has been a really good reminder to me. That what keeps us going is often far more personal than obvious. Progress doesn't always come in big shiny forms. Sometimes it's in a softer relationship with yourself. Sometimes it's in the connection you're building with someone, or something you deeply care about. Sometimes it's in the way you've moved through the day, the energy you've bought, the care you've shown, the small bits of pride you've managed to recover. That is still success. It just might be success on your terms rather than on someone else's. I'll see you in the next episode.