Something for the Busy Brain — honest conversations to help you manage the overwhelm and make the most of your potential.

Maybe You SHOULD 'Give to Get Something Back'

Busy Brain & ADHD Coach @ goodtothinkdifferently.com Episode 18

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0:00 | 4:24

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A short, thought-bubble episode on something we’re often told: don’t give to get something back.

But what if expecting something in return isn’t selfish… it’s self-awareness?

In this episode, I explore the idea that knowing your worth, really knowing the value you bring, setting boundaries, and expecting respect, care, and fairness back from what you give might be a healthier way to live. 

Especially if you’re someone who gives a lot but quietly questions what you deserve.

SPEAKER_00

We're commonly told that you shouldn't give to get something back. That real giving is selfless, no expectations, no return. But I've been sitting with that thought, and I'm not sure I agree. Why shouldn't you expect something back? I mean, not in a transactional keeping the score kind of way, but in a way that more healthily says, I know what I bring. Because if you're putting good out into the world, if you're showing up, if you're supporting people, giving you time, your energy, showing you care, why is it wrong to believe that some of that should actually come back to you? I think it's healthier to expect it. Not blindly, not demandingly, but from a place of self-awareness. Because maybe the real question isn't should you expect something back? Maybe it's what are you expecting back? Respect, time, recognition, effort, care, fairness. To me, that feels very different to ego. That feels like knowing your value, knowing what you're worth. And for a lot of us, especially if you're someone who overthinks or questions your worth at times, that's not always easy. Because the truth is we can give a lot, and we don't always get that much back. And when that happens enough, it can start to mess with your head. And you're forgiven for slipping into thinking, maybe I don't deserve more than this. And your brain can rapidly run away from you. You can start accepting less, tolerating more, and probably staying quieter than you actually should. And that is where it becomes a problem. Not the giving, but the lack of expectation around what you fully deserve in return. I think knowing your value, like really knowing your value, is one of the most important things you can build. Not loudly, not arrogantly, because you're not going to win friends that way. Just quietly knowing I bring something here and that matters. And this is as much a note to myself as it is anything else. Because I know I've often accepted less than I deserve at times. Not because people meant harm, but because people, well, but because I didn't fully back my own value. Because I didn't fully lean into what I was worth. And I think when you start to do that, when you start to expect better, you don't suddenly become demanding. You just become clearer. Clearer on your boundaries, clearer on your standards, clearer on what you will and won't accept. Now, this isn't about comparing yourself to anyone else. It's not about looking sideways and thinking they've got more than me. That's unhealthy. It's about looking inward and thinking, am I getting what I deserve based on what I give? So maybe the next time you hear don't give to get something back, pause and question it. Because maybe you should expect something back. Not everything, not perfectly, but something that fully reflects your own value.