We’re Talking About Mental Health All Wrong

We talk about mental health more than ever… so why are so many people still struggling?

In this episode, Ben explores why the way we talk about mental health might actually be part of the problem.

Drawing on real, everyday conversations and a powerful personal moment, he shares why words like “mental health” can sometimes create barriers instead of opening doors — and how changing our language can make it easier for people to open up.

This is an honest, thought-provoking look at:

•  Why mental health conversations often stay surface level 
•  How disconnection, loneliness, and modern life are impacting us 
•  The power of simple, human questions 
•  Why “How are you… really?” can change everything 
•  And how communities — not just services — play a role in mental wellbeing 

Ben also introduces the idea behind Penarth Connected — a community-led approach to building stronger human connection and making people feel seen, heard, and supported.

If you’ve ever struggled to talk about how you’re feeling… or wondered how to support someone else better… this episode will make you think differently.

Because maybe we don’t need better words.

Maybe we just need better conversations.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Sometimes I think the hardest part about mental health isn't what we're feeling, it's how little we actually talk about it. Well, not properly anyway. Not really beyond the surface level. So I want to start with a question. How do we break the stigma around talking about mental health? That stigma shouldn't exist, but it really does. And it's a huge barrier. Now I'm someone who's always been a talker. Probably the first thing people would say to describe me. But I've always lived with my heart on my sleeve. That's just my makeup. It's how I process what's going on in my head. I need a bloody outlet. And I'm no good at bottling things up. It tends to come out whether people want to hear it or not. And over the years, people have said to me various things like, you're really brave for talking about mental health like this, for being so open. But to me, it's not bravery. I don't know any different. For me, it's just second nature. I talk about these things to everyone and anyone every single day. And I think that should be more normal. Because when you look around you right now, we are living in an increasingly disconnected world. You've only got to switch the news on to see it. And I gave up watching and listening to the news years ago for this very reason. Because it's very, very rarely good things that you hear. And that's bound to have an impact on us. On our collective mental health. It holds people back. It holds us all back from our potential, from daring to dream, from feeling positive and imagining what could be, and has us all look at life through an increasingly negative lens. And at the same time, with the rise of technology and AI, there's more of a need now more than ever for human skills, of connection with yourself, connection with other people, other humans. Because we're all so disconnected. And I see it even in small things. When people come up to me and say how polite my kids are, how they were amazed of the c with the conversations they could have with adults, how sociable they are, and that they're a real credit to me. And don't get me wrong, I love hearing that. But I also think, why is that something that stands out so much now? Maybe it's because it's becoming less and less the norm. Maybe we've become a culture of face-to-face of maybe it's because we've become a culture of face-to-phone, face-to-screen, and not face-to-face. And yet, year after year after year, we're seeing these rises in poor mental health right across the world. And for me, that raises a really simple but deeply uncomfortable truth. If we don't change how we connect with each other, this doesn't improve. Worse still, it gets worse. So for me, talking about mental health, having conversations around it, that should just be part of everyday life. But here's something I've been thinking about. When we use the words mental health, for a lot of people, that comes with huge baggage. It has connotations. It can feel heavy, clinical, almost off-putting. So maybe the issue isn't that we're not talking about mental health, maybe it's how we're trying to start those conversations. I speak to people every single day from all walks of life about mental health. And those conversations are very, very natural. They happen organically, but I've noticed something. Using the words mental health can sometimes put a real barrier in someone's way. And it's kind of similar to something I experienced when I was talking to people about ADHD coaching. People would ask me what ADHD is and what ADHD coaching involves. And I often found myself unnecessarily going around in circles, trying to explain it in a way that someone without ADHD would get it. And I just got tired of that because I realized the language that we use really matters. It shapes how people understand things. It shapes how they listen, how they connect, and it shapes how they process things. So instead of leading with ADHD, I started talking to people about it in simpler terms. I'd say, I work with people who have a busy brain. And suddenly the penny dropped. It made sense. Because a busy brain can be a strength, a huge strength, incredibly valuable, or it can be wildly destructive. And I've experienced both. But people get that terminology. They can relate to the busy brain concept. And it made me realize that exactly the same applies to mental health. I was sat in a coffee shop the other week, and someone came over and asked if they could join me. So naturally, being the lovely person that I am, I said, yeah, by all means. We sat there, went through a bit of small talk, and then he asked me what I do. I said, I'm an ADHD and mental health coach. When he asked me a little bit more about that, I explained by saying, I help people work with their busy brains so they can feel more in control of themselves and their lives. And the moment I said that, he opened up completely. Was I expecting it? Hell no. Am I used to it? Yep. Every single day. People talk to me about their problems, their challenges, about life. And it's not because I'm doing anything particularly special. I just make those conversations accessible. And I think that's the point. Maybe it's not about changing the subject. Maybe it's about finding language that people can actually relate to, that they can work with. So maybe this is where we start not with big statements, not with labels, but with small human shifts. Instead of asking, How are you? and getting the usual, yep, good, thanks, you. What if when it feels right, you just ask it again? How are you? No, how are you really? And then you give someone the space they need to answer. Because that second question, that's where things change. Excuse my stomach rumbling. And it might be asked it might be worth asking yourself, who in your life might be waiting for you to ask that second question? Because for some people, they don't talk because they feel no one would understand, or they don't feel like there's anywhere to go. And I don't mean searching Frances online or using AI or in some online support group. I mean real human support. And yes, services matter. The health service matters, but we all know it's stretched. And it's mostly built around supporting individuals, one at a time. But what I'd love to see is a wider understanding that mental health isn't just something for services to deal with. It's something we all play a role in. Every single person, in every single town, in every single community. Because the reality is this affects all of us. You might not struggle personally, but someone close to you will. And I think that we need to be honest about something here. We don't just need better services. We need to accept that we're all part of the problem. And we need to be having better everyday conversations, perhaps where we also put our phones to one side. And that's where I'd like to mention Penarth Connected, a project I'm launching in my town of Penarth this month. It's a unique, community-funded, town-wide approach to mental health, one where we all play a role, either active or inactive. At its core, it's really very simple. Let's build a town where no one feels lonely. It's about creating a town where people feel more connected, where conversations are easier, where people feel seen, heard, and supported by each other, not just systems, people. Because I don't think we fix this individually. We fix it together. And I've been thinking about this for ages. And I keep coming back to exactly the same thing. We don't need to overcomplicate this. We don't need perfect words. We don't need to become experts in mental health. We just need to get a bit better at being human with each other, asking better questions, listening a bit longer, creating moments where people feel safe enough to answer honestly. Because I'm not okay with things staying as they are. And I'm not willing to sit back and watch this stay the same. So maybe it starts small. One conversation, one question, one moment where someone feels able to say, I'm not actually okay, and knows that's alright. I'll see you in the next episode.